Air for life
by thebeagle
Summary: A story that follows the ninja girl Toshi who's a rebelious orphan. When Kakashi and team 7 is assigned to capture her, they find out that she's quite a handfull, especially for Kakashi. Will she end up in prison? Full summary inside. KakashixOC
1. Air for life Chapter 1

The story follow the lone ninja girl Toshi who leads her life as a lone ninja in her hometown. She trusts only herself and her instincts, and her hatred has grown strong throughout the years. But as she breaks the laws the bounty for her head goes up, and so she catches Konoha's attention. As she has no political interests, she is a fullblooded soldier and ninja, she can choose to be either an ally of the powerful village or be locked up as a prisoner. Kakashi is fortunate enough to be assigned of her capture, and her turnaround if she's going to live in Konoha. Can she change and let go of her hatred? Can either of them ever truly show love? Find out in this long and thorough story. KakashixOC

Hope you'll enjoy this story.

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_Air for life_

Long pale hands held the basket tightly. Although his knuckles were white from carrying the heavy basket, he couldn't get rid of it fast enough. Green teary eyes peered up at him, the small thing's hands clutched tightly as babies did.

_This must be good enough_, he thought, a sense of relief washing over him that this job was done.

He put the wooden basket on the doorstep just as the babe began to wail for full lungs once again. Exhausted and greasy from a few days travel, he shushed at the little thing and knocked at the door before disappearing in an inhuman speed.

Inside Kou Masami was preparing a late night tea for herself and her husband. The two elder couple was head council in Nanae and respected elders and had lived a long and dutifully life in a farmers village. She nearly dropped the bag of mint tea when she heard a rash knock on their door and the faint wail of a baby. Quickly she grabbed a couple of tea towels and took the noisy kettle off the fire before calling for her husband. She hurried briskly as her legs could manage through the long house and to the front door and opened it slowly to peep into the darkness of the night. The wailing had stopped before she could open the door, but as she looked down she saw the basket.

"What is it?" her husband asked, having finally caught up. A flat nose and a dropping mouth gave him a cruel look.

He went to her side and opened the door fully and saw the same as she. Startled she stared at the basket while her husband walked a few steps outside to see if anyone was near.

"Show yourself!" he shouted.

It was a black night, with a thin sliver of moon appearing and disappearing as the cloud blew past. The woods gave an answer: the rustle of leaves, the icy rush if the stream, a distant hoot of an owl...

.

Two bright green eyes followed the light that shone from a room. She walked along the wall her six year old legs carrying her with an unnatural silence. The sound of shushed voices drifted out and floated into the hallway.

"I'm telling you. That thing in her neck is dangerous." a womanly voice called out.

She stepped closer, her child heart aching dully, the feeling manifesting itself in her body as a sickness.

"She's an odd child, I wont have her anymore!" the same voice said.

"You offered to take care of her yourself. What would you have us do?" It was granny Kou's voice that spoke now.

The child moved closer and looked down at her feet, a feeling of shame and loneliness mixing inside. She peeped subtly through the small opening in the door, the thin ray of yellow light casting a bright stroke across her face and a bright green eye.

"Someone else should take care of her. She scares me!"

The child recognized her foster mom sitting in front of the fireplace with a cup of tea in her hands. The familiar scent of Jasmin tea filled her lungs and suddenly sickened her. She wanted to cry, but the voice in her head had taught her to appear emotionless. A strand of golden blonde hair fell in front of her nose and she removed it as she swallowed her emotions bitterly. No one liked her. Not even her foster family. What had she ever done to them?

The child let a familiar surge of energy wash through her as she stared at her foster mom from the shadows. Her eyebrows started to furrow, every feeling inside bubbling into hatred. She watched and listened and polished her hates the way her foster father once polished his shoes.

.

_"How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in life, when one finds darkness not only in one's culture but within oneself? If there is a stage at which an individual life becomes truly adult, it must be when one grasps the irony in its unfolding and accepts responsibility for a life lived in the midst of such paradox. One must live in the middle of contradiction, because if all contradiction were eliminated at once life would collapse. There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light."_

Being able to live alone your entire life takes quite the woman. Keeping from forming close relations, only focusing on surviving on my own. Not depending on anyone. That takes a strong person.

Well, maybe it was a bit boring at times. I stopped and dug my right hand into my pocket and fished up an old button. Didn't have enough money to buy some food. I clicked with my tongue in irritation. Silence lingered in the street of Nanae, my home town, a distant cousin to the village hidden in rain, but just about as corrupt except Nanae was a lot smaller. With a dissatisfied sigh I threw the button away and looked into the darkening sky. It was no rare sight to see dark skies linger above like silent whales. It often rained here.

Laughs broke the silence in the streets and I moved my eyes in the direction to see three men stumble drunken out of a nearby bar. I scowled, my body instinctively tensing up at the sign of potential entertainment. Drunken people were easy to provoke. Easy to fight.

_Yes... The fight._ The only thing in life that gave me a thrill. The only thing that made my life worth living.

Loneliness.

No. I rejected that feeling. Only weak people felt lonely. Loneliness had made me strong.

I loosened my posture a bit, turning more to the men, silently watching them walk down the street. Two of them was familiar faces. Farmers both, settled with wife and kids to live a trouble free life at the outskirts of Nanae. The third man wasn't a familiar face. Maybe a visitor from another village, and also drunk beyond comparison. I looked to the left where a woman scandalously dressed in a red short dress made her way down the street. Her red lipstick was smudged around the edges of her mouth, and her mascara was beginning to run. Another prostitute was making her way home.

I looked back at the men, immediately catching the eyes of the visitor. Slightly disgusted by his sudden smirk, I stiffened at his lust filled expression and squinted my eyes at him.

_Please give me a reason to punch you,_ I thought as he pushed aside his two friends.

Hesitantly he walked closer, swaying and smirking smugly in his drunken state. He wasn't good looking and I kept from showing any emotion at his gnarled face and missing teeth. How charming.

"Hey there young lady. What're you doing out here all alone?" He said loudly, swinging his bottle of sake around while swaying dangerously in his place.

His gaze crawled up and down of me like spiders, checking me out but still keeping a certain safety distance. A simmering fire lit up in me when he looked at me that way, like a whore for sale. He was oblivious to the warning in my eyes.

"Come on Kaito. Don't waist your time. Leave her alone."

The two farmers had recognized me and suddenly looked worried. They didn't take one step towards their comrade but watched from a distance, their eyes praying with desperation for their friend to make the right choice. Kaito, apparently his name, stopped smirking and looked suspicious for a moment. Tension was building up, and I felt the fear seeping out of the two friends. They feared for his life. I liked that.

"Are you deaf Kaito? Come on. There's plenty other women in this town. That girl isn't your type." One of them called again, the other holding him slightly away.

Kaito didn't react but eyed me smugly. Just when I thought he was about to step closer he turned around on his heels looking almost offended and staggered back to his friends. A fierce hiss escaped my mouth when the tension in me left and I watched the three men walk away to another bar.

Still glaring at them, I wish he hadn't listened to his friends. He really needed them. Unlike me, I didn't and had never needed friends. I'd made it without friends for nineteen years, so why not nineteen more? Sure I would never had made it as a baby or child if it wasn't for the elders, but I'd only been their duty. I sighed irritated and kicked some dirt, barely thinking the thought of finding some shelter before a drop of rain hit my nose and caught my attention. I picked up my pace, watching the tiny drop become a thousand, falling down from the sky in a thick blanket. Wind sighed through the branches and leaves rustled and stirred. Far off I heard the sounds of music and raucous laughter. I brushed my hair backwards and away from my face. It was starting to get sticky and also it was a big long tangled mess whenever it started to get wet.

Jumping to a roof I decided to take shelter at a spot nearby. I didn't have a home, but mostly lived in abandoned houses or shags and I wasn't exactly welcome in any bars. This time though, I picked a sheltered rooftop located on top of an old mans apartment. He wasn't happy with me using his roof and often cursed at me, but didn't have any strength to actually do something about it, so I mostly just turned the other cheek and he would leave me alone eventually.

My reputation in general wasn't good. I'd stumbled upon a few bounty hunters during my life, some good at hiding who had put the bounty on my head. I wasn't anyone to be missed, I had no value to other people, so putting a price on my head was easy, except the hunt wasn't. People in Nanae kept away from me and I liked that. I'd learned to find and cook food myself and survive in the forests.

As a child I'd been delivered at the doorstep of the elders. No one knew my parents and frankly no one had the same haircolor as I. A sandy blonde color mixed with green eyes had made me an outcast from the very beginning in this village, but the thing that had really scared off people was the pearl in my neck. A tiny metal ring framed it and the pearl itself shone a deep purple pink color, mysteriously transparent and glass like, with a colored blur inside. But it contained a secret I rarely showed. That way it helped me to hide my advantages to bounty hunters and by that I could keep the upper hand in secret. The pearl contained a soul of a white lioness. I knew nothing about its origins or how I got it and neither did the lioness in me. Eien no Honou was her name, meaning eternal flame. She was the very source of my power and abilities. A teacher and a mentor had mostly been her role through out my life, but she was also fierce and uncontrollable at times.

The little girl I was had stopped listening to the elders and started listening to a fierce creature living inside her mind. That was when she was shut out of society.

I reached the old mans roof and landed heavily from the force of the jump. Taking a peek into the horizon the sheltered rooftop provided a good view around the city. I took a moment to scan the area, a precaution I always took when settling down at a spot. There was something deadly silent about the city at the moment except for the steady drooping sound of southern rain was was soft and warm. I remembered long grey days in Nanae and the woods, drooping branches heavy with moisture.

Sitting down on the floor I started to rub my wet arms, brushing them roughly to warm them up. I didn't know why I felt so chilled, but maybe I was just starting to get hungry. It's nothing I told myself. I sat there for a time, listening to noises of nature and breathing in the heavy scent of wet landscape. Wooden houses and porcelain roofs stretched out before me, the thick tall woods framing the city in the distance. The marketplace would be closed now, a perfect place to train sneak and stealth amongst the many people. I looked down in wonder when I heard running footsteps close by and saw three teenagers running through the streets. Young and loud they were, would've been dead if they were bounty hunters. _Why are they looking at me?_ I was startled for a moment when they came to a halt by the old mans house, all three looking up at me in what could only be anger. I blinked at them confused, nobody ever took direct contact to me, especially not small immature teenage boys. An unsettling feeling grew in me and I started to get wary. Was this a trap? Thoughts started to spin in my head and the hackles in my neck started to rise. Something was deeply wrong. The two men at the bar had said my name out loud. The old man hadn't come out to yell at me yet.

"Hey you!" one of the taller teenager called.

Something was definitely wrong. I put a slender finger to my chin and tilted my head at the one who had called out to me.

"Yeah you ugly-face! You can't sit there." the boy took a step hesitantly forward while one of the other picked up at stone and threw it in my direction.

I moved my head thoughtfully to the side as the stone flew by. Their behavior startled me so much that I couldn't even find my flaring temperament forth. _What is going on?_ I took a hand to my face to feel if there was something on it. More people started to come out of their houses to take a look at the scene. It was like a riot, people starting to join the shouting and stone throwing. Did they want a mass murder? I shot to my feet angrily, their shouting and throwing starting to get to me. I could kill them all easily if I wanted to. They should be begging for their lives!

My instincts went on fire, and for a heartbeat it seemed as if the whole village were holding its breath. In the split of a second I jumped away from the roof, turning around in mid air in a very pure moment of shock, and saw the shattered roof and a boy with a clenched fist standing where I had stood. Landing gracefully on the opposite roof, sliding a few inches, I saw a black haired boy clad in blue and white, his hand buried in shattered tiles. Wide eyed, I stared in disbelief. Maybe I was too ignorant to acknowledge that the villagers had sent a small boy to kill me, but the fact stunned me briefly as I watched him pull out his fist ferociously. I barely noticed the two other chakra signatures that neared in high speed. I was too caught up in the moment. Failing at suppressing a smirk, I almost wanted to laugh. Why would I even bother to kill kids?! Suddenly I understood the riot going on, but the villagers had fled as quick as they had come. Fools.

I twirled around when someone landed behind me. Someone incredibly good at hiding his chakra. My leg instinctively flew at his stomach and the person grabbed it skillfully with a strong hand while his other hand lashed forth for my face, a kunai whistling through the air dangerously. I dug down and jumped, twisting my body around to get my foot free and jumped back to asses the situation. The rush of adrenaline made my eyes wide and my breath quicker. Cursing myself, I had been to quick to lash into a fight with someone I knew nothing of. The kids forgotten I took every inch of the man in front of me in. He was tall and lean, but broad over his chest and shoulders. His hair was a silver grey color and half his face was covered in a black mask, a headband hanging over his left eye. I recognized the symbol on the headband immediately, not that his dark blue clothes and green vest gave away his village. Someone had sent Konoha ninja's after me. I was almost offended that Konoha would send me three kids and only one adult.

I had only encountered Konoha ninjas a few times in my life and the range of skills differed a lot. I knew I had to tread carefully around this one. The kids was no problem. Eying him expectantly, I flexed my muscles to keep them ready and feel them there.

I felt the two remaining kids land on the old mans rooftop and tilted my body slightly to have both them and the adult in sight. I could feel Eien's power surge through me, filling me with a feral instinct of predator. I couldn't help but crouch slightly. One girl with pink hair, red clothes and emerald eyes. She looks frail I noted. There was something unsettling about the last boy. He had fierce blue eyes, much like Eien the lioness, and they stared directly at me. His teeth were gritted and his blonde hair stood in a wild mess above his Konoha headband. There was a deadly silence between us.

"Wait guys!"

I averted my eyes to the man in front of me, watching him warily with squinted eyes. Nothing seemed like a trap, at least I couldn't sense that. He looked calm, somehow unaffected by the whole situation. It made me all the more alert.

"Are you Toshi Setsuko?" There was an edge to his tone I couldn't identify. Almost pleasant, but cautious

"Yes, that would be me and who are you?" I asked, trying to sound calm but failed, spitting the sentence out between gritted teeth.

This was an alarmingly bad situation to stand in and I wondered if I had slacked too much lately. One thing: it wasn't good.

"We are from Konoha. We have been assigned to escort you back to the hidden leaf. It would be for the best if you follow quietly." He eyed me suspiciously, his posture starting to look stiff and unnatural.

They have to be kidding. I snorted in disbelief, eyebrows furrowing solemn. I knew what he meant. Konoha had considerably enough power to claim me either as a ninja or a prisoner. There was no way I was going to follow them. For all I cared, they could go back to where they came from, with or without their lives. I didn't know why there was this inner alert triggered in me, when I indeed seemed to have the advantage of the familiar field and the raw strength. In my head it was only the man who posed an actual threat.

"Sorry. I don't take orders from anyone."

The hatred I so often felt seeped through my veins like a drug, fueling my desire to kill and lash out. I knew it was only seconds before I would have to feel alive and get an outlet for the strong feeling of anger inside.

"It'll be much easier if you just follow us. Konoha can offer you jobs fit for a kunoichi and offer you a home. Or we'll be obliged to use force." the man said, hesitant to say the last thing although my sharp ears caught it.

It was unsettling that he was being so calm. He gave away no hint of his emotions, but just stood there warily like he was talking to a deer that would flee any second.

"Who wants to be in a village where everyone hates you anyway?! You have nothing to do here." A sharp rough voice called from the previous roof.

I snapped my gaze to the blonde kid, restraining myself from just ripping his throat out.

"Shut your mouth kid, or I'll-"

"Or you'll what?" the man in front of me cut me off shortly, his tone growing a threatening tune.

Snapping my head back to him, we stared at each other in silence. The tension grew along with the silence, and I knew my next actions would determine the outcome of this encounter. His eyes narrowed, telling me to no do anything rash. The unsettling feeling came back to me, this time radiating out not just from the blonde kid but the adult ninja in front of me. Reconsidering my opponents something in me screamed to run away. As our positions was now, there was a chance I might get surprised as it was.

In the split of a second I was off to the next roof, my jumps so full of strength that I crushed the tiles beneath my feet as I sprinted away. Needing time to think my options through, I headed towards the forrest where my advantage would be a great deal better. The Konoha ninjas was in my heels as quickly as anticipated. The rain was getting heavier and in the speed we were traveling in, the raindrops rolled across my face and into my eyes. The drops was cold against my warm skin, the scent of wet clothes started to overwhelm my nose. This was survival now, and every single sense was at its peak.

Quickly making a decision, I decided to go for the weakest link in the group meaning the frail looking pink girl. I felt the tiles splinter around my legs in a change of direction as I charged directly at the girl, spinning to give my kick more force. In the last second I drew out a powerful surge of Eien's chakra, knowing the kick would most likely crack the skull of the child girl.

But I hit the grey man's arm as he blocked my kick, his eyes now fierce in what I could only guess was fury for lashing out at his team. He was there so fast, blocking with his lower arms, flinching the slightest at the force. A challenging smirk creeped into my face as I twisted my body and bounced off his arm, raindrops shooting off my clothes in very direction. Hurling another kick at his wrist, he moved fast and grabbed my ankle instead and shoved my other out of the way and left me completely open. I couldn't figure out how he had done that, but his skills was suddenly revealed in I realized as I hang there, mid-air, that he was indeed good. Exceedingly skilled.

A jolt of fear surged through me instantly and I watched him, almost as if time stood still, pull out a kunai fast. In desperation I managed to balance myself and get a hold of his wrist before the kunai struck my shoulder and used the force to push myself away.

I lashed to the street, landing awkwardly, aware of the chakra signatures of the kids around me. A sweat was already breaking out on my forehead, or maybe it was the rain, I couldn't tell anymore. I rushed for the woods, hoping to catch some time to come up with a plan against this unknown ninja. My mind was a mess of possibilities that didn't fit the grey ninja. By far he was one of the more challenging ninjas I'd ever encountered. Looking into the sky I jumped from branch to branch, peering through the leafy treetops that rushed by. When are that rain going to stop? As reluctant I was to admit it, the rain was becoming a hindrance.

"You guys should leave this to me. The information we received on her isn't very precise."

I caught the grey's voice from afar, warning the kids about me. A condescending snort left my mouth. What had they expected? Obviously some idiot ninja had been gathering intel about me, but hadn't done a very thorough job.

But my breath was starting to come up short and it took me by surprise. Cursing myself for slacking off to much lately, I suddenly noticed a small sting in my shoulder. As I raced through the trees I lifted a hand to my shoulder. I felt the ripped fabric hang, and there was a warm wet feel to the rain there. My eyes widened in sudden realization and I snatched my hand away to see the red liquid flowing down my hand and mixing with the rain. He got me?! I suddenly felt the degree of the wound and the slight sting became a warm throbbing pain. He was good that grey. Too good. The blood had spread down my chest because of the rain. I was hit with another surge if panic. How long did I have?

Unfocused I didn't know how I could slip on a branch and lost foothold and had to land on the ground. It wasn't a big deal if not for the clearing of throat behind me. I could sense the children, but not the grey. It wasn't just chakras I felt, but moods and minds too. I never knew how it worked, but I'd always guessed it was Eien's doing. But his mind I couldn't feel.

The tall grey took me off guard and I spun around, not just fighting the pain anymore but also Eien's rising strength. I staggered backwards, two eyes staring fiercely at me, one grey, one red. The red was like a light in the dark, glaring at me with such intensity that I lost myself for a second. Sharingan, my inner voice screamed. You're not match. Get away. My breath caught in my throat and made the hackles in my neck rise. How could someone have a sharingan and a normal eye? A hint of emotion emitted from his mind and he was amused that I was visibly showing fear towards him, though it wasn't to read in his face.

Involuntary I felt my body move backwards away from him.

'Get yourself together!' Eien's voice roared inside me.

Just in time I was aware of my surroundings again and was attacked from behind by the two boys of the group. While finding myself dodging clones it didn't go unnoticed that the grey ninja with the red eye was missing. Somewhat distracted a kunai sliced my arm, distracting me enough for the blonde kid to land an iron hard fist right at my left cheek and knocked me several feet through a bunch of clones who disappeared into a blur of smog. The scent of the smog made me cough and wrinkle up my nose. It was a piercing spicy scent which made me want to sneeze. I felt them around me, but couldn't see anything through the heavy smog. I didn't know why I was letting my guard down so easily, perhaps it had been a long time since I'd had a proper battle. Cursing the boys I slammed my hands together, drawing out Eien's chakra and swirled around creating an air current that blew away the remaining smog that lingered. Right after I performed a replacement jutsu and jumped out of the way while there was still some confusion going on around.

Appearing at a nearby tree I collapsed against the trunk and clutched a hand to my wounded shoulder. Gritting my teeth the pain stung deep now. It felt like someone had taken a cube of ice and stuffed it into my wound and up against my bone, leaving a throbbing numb pain throughout my arm. I panted and cringed at the same time, clutching the wound to make the bleeding stop. There was no time to stand and pity myself, I knew I had to get moving. Taking in a deep quivering breath I leaned away from the tree and peeped around the trunk. The kids was still confused I could feel, and they seemed to wander around clueless, while the grey one was... staring at me. _Oh god he found me_. There was no tricking a sharingan, I should've thought about that and the red twirling eye pierced me.

I rushed back against the trunk, hoping for all in the world I wasn't trapped in a genjutsu and performed a seal to create a clone so I could make my escape. I didn't know why I was being so adamant to use my full strength, but a hunch told me that both the forrest and village would suffer if the sharingan user and I engaged in a full force battle. Also, I still liked to maintain my secret that was Eien, which meant that I would have to hold back.

But I wasn't quick enough to get away. The grey hang above my clone midair, a blue light clattering around his hand. Jolts of electricity pierced my clone like it was made of butter, the spicy smog blowing into my face, while the clattering of the electricity deafened me. I had to get away.

I dodged his hand, feeling the electricity sting my skin and swung under the branch we stood on, right around, kicking and aiming for his ribs. For a second the feeling of victory grew in me, but my foot went right through him as he turned into water. Maintaining my composure I felt the urge to seriously kill someone in anger. I should've known he wouldn't come directly at me in person.

Crouching down I listened to the sudden silence of the rain against leafs and the panting of my breath. I turned around swiftly to look for anything suspicious. He came lashing down then, two of him from both sides, his red eye piercing through the darkness of the woods. He was faster and more ferocious this time, and I pitched forward and away, rolled to the ground and drew out Eien's chakra and moved my arms quickly and swiftly upwards. A fierce wind hurled upwards as he came for me, and I felt a strange pull when I met his red eye again.

Eien had a strange habit of entering peoples minds and sometimes it was hard to resist the pull. The brief wind only delayed the grey's approach, and he lashed for me while performing a series of hand seals. Someone behind me roared angrily, and I tilted my head to see he blonde kid charging with a fist pulled so far back, that I actually considered dodging it.

"Naruto stop!" the grey called a hint of panic evident in his voice.

I launched a kick for the kid, which made him stagger, but redirected it around to the grey, and met his arms and kicked him with a vicious force. I heard him grunt as his feet slid a few feet before he jumped back into the bushes, his chakra completely hidden. Turning to obnoxious the kid, I saw him recover the shock.

"Listen kid, get out of here. You can't win this fight. Leave me before you get seriously hurt!" my voice came out cold and collected although I wanted to scream at him.

It was like his face contorted in anger, the odd whisker scars on his cheeks seeming to widen. His eyes a fierce blue, penetrating me with an anger I had never seen portrayed in eyes before. Something about him repelled Eien.

"You don't know anything stupid girl! I'm a ninja, unlike you and I would never treat people like you do! I'll take you back to Konoha even if it means I'll have to break every bone in your body so I can drag your sorry ass home. So don't try to talk me out of it!" He scolded at me, facing me with no fear.

I felt my eyes widen at his passion and his blunt attitude. I didn't like what he was saying, but for some reason it reached inside and made my anger worse. After all, I needed no one.

"How dare you talk like that you little brat! I'm a ninja just like you." I spat at him, taking in a deep breath "I'm a much better ninja than you! My skills can't be compared!"

There I stood, panting in ill-tempered anger while yelling at a spoiled little brat I didn't even know.

"It has nothing to do with your skills! A true ninja protects his village and those he cares about no matter the skill. They have a purpose! You don't have any of that, that's why you're not a real ninja. From what I've heard you have no life at all. You're just a loser!" With every words his voice became louder and louder, his finger pointing accusingly at me.

Dusk came unnoticed, the heavy rain still pouring down into wet clothes and red blood. My patience was gone and I slammed my hands together to perform a series of hand seals and created four clones while replacing myself with one of them further away. Once again in somewhat safety behind a tree on a branch I pressed my hand angrily over my shoulder which by now was numbingly painful. I quickly evaluated the minor wound to my arm, coursed by the the kid's kunai and decided it was just a superficial wound. _Breathe through your nose, breathe through your nose_, why was I so out of it? My hair was like glued to my scalp and face, hanging in a mussed and damp mess. I tried to brush it away, but it kept sliding forward. A jolt of pity ran through me at that moment and it made me angry.

My clones were fighting the three kids and the grey man. I peeped around the trunk of the tree once more, and saw the blonde kid tremble in anger. I could easily mess up his mind, but something told me not to. There was something inside of him. Something dangerous. His fists were clenched hard and now and then the grey would glance over at him as if worried.

The clones kept up a good fight, but was struck down by the grey one after one. I watched his techniques closely, gathering every little detail about him. He used something called lightning blade against one of my clones, an attack that sent shivers down my spine. It was a much more focused version of the lightning attack he'd used before. There was a chance that he couldn't use it much as it wore out quickly, and drained his chakra much. He used lightning in his kunais and moved in swift zig-zag movements aswell as charging from above. Some of the blows my clones took were pretty mean, no doubt that I would've broken a few limps from the force of his attacks. But I was starting to be able to feel his clones, and I saw my chance to strike when the real grey appeared.

I made note of the kids position before ambushing him from behind. It was essential to drag out some of Eien's chakra to match his speed. We engaged in a dance of life and death, kicking, slicing, punching, dodging, moving... I could barely keep up with his speed, while trying to withhold Eien's chakra inside. A punch came in and I redirected the track of his hand, managing to create an opening and twirl around to make a back kick with my heel. There was no familiar crack of the ribs, but the sensation of solid turning to air. Smog blew into my face when the clone disappeared and I fell forward in overbalance and stumbled forward before steadying.

"What?" I hissed, turning swiftly around to get a feel of my surroundings.

The kids were gone and their chakra signatures too. My fists tightened as my temperament grew. They were getting to me and the physical exhaustion was starting to affect me mentally. Cold sharp metal touched the soft flesh of my throat and I stiffened, eyes widened in surprise. I felt him now, the grey, standing behind me with a kunai ready to open my windpipe. How? Why didn't I see? A panic started to rise in me and I wanted to hyperventilate.

"Surrender kunoichi." He said, his voice deep and serious.

Panic took over me. I wasn't ready to leave everything behind. I wasn't ready to deal with new people and definitely not obeying to anyone. _I'm fine here, I'm fine here, I don't need anyone, I have lots to fight for, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm_...

"Never!"

Without much thought I stepped back into his tall form and dug down, taking a superficial wound to my neck in turn and launching a spinning kick by the ground. There was nothing clever about that attack, but I was running in black-mode where everything was pure instinct and no logic. Of course my desperate state of mind had a price. Easily the grey danced over my leg before someone's foot collided with my back. The grey danced over me once again as I flew forward. My position forced my to use my hands as breaks, the muddy ground beneath gathering in piles before I backflipped and landed on my feet again, panting hard.

The blow had taken my breath away for a few seconds, but the kids weren't that strong and nothing was broken or damaged. My chakra was starting to get low, and my left arm was numb from the wound to my shoulder. I felt my face contort in exhaustion and pain, no longer able to keep up the facade in front of my pursuers. I coughed once, cursing myself for being so out of shape and so mentally unstable. Apparently changes did something to me. Something I didn't even know existed in me. It was humiliating. My chest ached dully as I glared at the grey, all my hatred directed at him. The words of the blonde kid echoed in my head.

_You don't know anything stupid girl! I'm a ninja, unlike you and I would never treat people like you do! I'll take you back to Konoha even if it means I'll have to break every bone in your body so I can drag your sorry ass home. So don't try to talk me out of it!_

I gritted my teeth. Deep down his words provoked something. My vision wavered and became blurred in waves. Was it the blood loss? Maybe I was fighting too hard to oppress Eien, wasting too much chakra on it. I had to get away. Fast.

I did the most stupid thing a ninja could do. Jumping randomly and thoughtlessly into the air. My mind was set on the escape, and as hang midair, holding a hand to my wounded shoulder, I was surrounded by a dozen of the blonde kid's clones.

My movements was slow and stiff as I tried to block the many kicks that came for me. Why did I have this hollow empty feeling inside? It was as if my spark to fight was gone with the wind. I couldn't control it, couldn't force the anger that always had fueled me. Before I knew of it, his foot collided with my stomach with such force that I flew to the ground, my back arching upwards as the mud flew around me as I glided backwards.

I turned around on my stomach and tried to stand up, but pitched forward and landed on my stomach again. Warm red liquid flew out of my mouth as I coughed hard. With a numb arm, I crawled desperately forward using my good arm. Why couldn't that annoying rain stop? Why where they all just staring at me?! I didn't know for how long I crawled through the mud, the emptiness inside seeming to mess with my head and emotions. Cringing, I felt like crying. I didn't want to go to Konoha, I didn't want to live by their rules and laws.

A hand grabbed my bad shoulder and slung me around, strands of muddy hair landing across my face. I cried out in pain clenching my fist to attack. His ice blue eyes seemed to shine in the darkness and the blonde kid grabbed my collar harshly before I could react. Mud was gnawing in my wound, and the kid's fierce eyes starred at me with anger and pity. He slammed me down to ground hard and I grabbed his wrist to lessen the strength. I coughed again, this time more controlled as I stared right back into those eye, rage starting to rise in me again.

"Get yourself together!" He growled through gritted teeth."You have nothing here! Why're you clinging so desperately to a place where you have no ties! We're just trying to help you and the people in this village. What's your problem?! We could use ninja's like you in Konoha, you're just going to waste here!"

He leaned closer, the sound of clothes tightening wringing when he tightened his grip. I thought he was about to punch me, but instead his eyes just softened the slightest.

"You're pathetic." His naturally rough voice spoke more controlled now.

A feel of disappointment and pity emitted from him and the pity confused me. Why would anyone pity me?

"You don't know anything brat." I whispered back, managing a mocking smirk.

Honestly I didn't know what else to do, and the grey came rushing to our sides, putting a comforting hand on the kid's shoulder.

"Naruto..." before mentioned person muttered softly, his voice reminding me of the comfort of a warm fireplace.

Naruto (apparently) trembled in a new wave of fury at my remark before he abruptly let go of my color, and I could relax into the ground. As blurry as my vision was, my physical exhaustion lessened my senses and I could only see the outline of the grey now hovering over me. But I could see his two different eyes too, pity hidden in the well trained pokerface. A new wave of embarrassment washed over me.

The kid was right. I _was_ pathetic. But I glared stubbornly back at the grey, hoping to intimidate him but with no such luck. In that moment I felt that pull once again, and I fixated on his bright red spinning eye as if it slowly zoomed in on me like in a trance. Eien pulsed beneath the surface.

"_What a pretty red eye."_ She purred, her sweet voice tempting me to give into her strength.

I wasn't in control. I was too exhausted. Too drained. Too depressed.

In what seemed like a heartbeat the red engulfed me and mixed with his other dark eye. I traveled through the gates that was his eyes, feeling the merging of our minds. But something was wrong. Something kept me out. I couldn't feel his mind yet, only dark emptiness. A harsh wind blew at me, sending grains of black granite pricking against my skin. I stood somewhere in his mind, in a kind of limbo. I had to narrow my eyes to see and took a hand to my forehead. A shred of fright rushed through me when an ear deafening roar echoed in my ears. It was unbearable and I didn't know why it made me want to cry.

"Eien?!" I screamed through the granite sand that swirled around me.

There she formed in front of me, ice blue eyes staring through the darkness of the sandstorm. Beautiful and fearsome she stepped forth, long athletic limps moving gracefully an effortlessly, like a white goddess. Her short white fur moved over her toned strong muscles as she descended. Her eyes were fixated on me and I fell to my knees in relief. I didn't like searching peoples minds, but she did, and therefore always dragged me along when I was weak enough and the projection of the self I was, wasn't as strong as she was. Her nose wrinkled up in a snarl and her ears lay flat against her head before she roared a deep trembling roar.

I was pulled out of his mind and back into my body, the physical weight and exhaustion hitting me full force. He stumbled away from me as if I'd electrocuted him, a confused and puzzled look showing in his eyes. I was starting to loose consciousness, it could be any second by now.

"What's wrong Kakashi-sensei?" the blonde kid, Naruto, came rushing back a look of fright and confusion evident in his voice.

"N-nothing Naruto." the grey, Kakashi apparently took a hand to his forehead and narrowed his eyes at me.

I did my best to focus, knowing that I would be in their hands when I was out cold. I tried to take deep breaths to withstand the pain throughout my arm, but nothing seemed to help. Everything was a blur. I reached out a hand, in a last attempt to seem strong, but collapsed in the mud, the rain pricking against my face the last thing registered...

* * *

I hope you enjoyed the first chapter.

This is actually a rewritten version of the original first chapter, as I didn't think the original one was good enough. :)

Please review or fav, it always helps the motivation.


	2. Air for life Chapter 2

… I was awakening. I opened my eyes narrowly and found that I was sitting up against a tree, an orange light filling my vision. It flared and sparkled, crackling in my ears. For a moment I looked at a wobbly orange light until my head slowly became clearer. The day's events came rushing into my head in a sudden realization. My vision became clearer and the orange blob in front of me became a fireplace with three shadowy figures lying around it. The sound of cicadas reached my ears and I felt quite calm, all things considered. I moved my green eyes to the side and wrenched a bit to feel the robes that bound my hands and feet. Someone had treated my shoulder because there was a white bandaging wrapped tightly around it. None of my clothes was removed though. I wrenched some more in silence and ended up falling sideways, landing on my good shoulder. An annoyed snort escaped my mouth when I tried to roll around on my stomach, wrenching the ropes to get them off. If I just could escape now, while they were asleep.

_What a stupid situation to be in Toshi!_ I cussed myself for having been so weak. It was almost embarrassing, and I felt a jolt of embarrassment travel through my stomach just as I noticed a figure move from a branch in a nearby tree.

"It's no use. They absorb the chakra in your hands" A voice spoke. I frowned annoyed while looking for the source of the voice, though it was quite limited when laying on your stomach with your hands and feet bound! Two feet landed in front of me. I looked up to see the Grey – or Kaka-something; Oh' who could remember? Something scarecrow-ish… Whatever.

"I'll give you one last chance to set me free, Grey weirdo!" I snapped in a cocky way and wrestled with the robes again, trying to look upwards as much as I could. He looked rather dumbfounded and pointed at himself with one finger.

"Grey… Weirdo?" he repeated plainly.

"Are you stupid or something?" they could take me away from my village, but never my temper or pride (mwhahaha). I cleared my throat, to stop myself from making inappropriate jokes.

No seriously, I knew he could kill me in one second if he wanted to. I looked at him with a cocked eyebrow, unable to read his face, not even able to get a hint of what he was thinking… I blamed the mask for that. He bowed down in squad position and took a peep at my face. It was kind of rude and inappropriate if you asked me (not that I was the one to talk about what was appropriate or not)

"What is it that you love so much about your village, that makes you so reluctant to come with us?" he asked, voice plain with a hint of irritation which indicated that his intentions with this question was not the answer, but just random chatter to come to another topic… He was damned skilled. Besides, what right did they have to come here and take me away from my home? I choose not to answer him, and simply looked away annoyed, one eyebrow raised in a cocky way.

"You're probably thinking that we have no right to take you away. But we do. As one of the strongest villages we have responsibility to protect other people as well and you were definitely a threat to your own village" he narrowed his eyes the slightest to scan my face.

"How you can live with that, I don't get" he muttered. I pouted sullenly, no one had ever spoken to me about such things before so I didn't know how to react other than just reject and deny what he said. 

"You know nothing" I hissed while looking at the flaring fire in front of me.

"Kakashi sensei? Is she awake?"- _of course, Kakashi was his name_. The raspy voice of the Naruto kid came from somewhere beside the fireplace. He was sitting up, hair messy and with sleepy eyes which he rubbed once, blinked and then narrowed his eyes so they became so small that I couldn't see anything but the outline of his eyes. The Jounin (a.k.a. Kakashi. Gotta get used to calling people their actual names) sighed

"Naruto go back to sleep" he said annoyance evident in his voice.

Obviously Naruto didn't take that as a command but more the less as a suggestion cause he only smiled big and jumped out of his sleepingback and walked eagerly and enthusiastic over to the Gr—I mean Kakashi and I.

"I couldn't sleep anyway" he said bluntly, eyes focused on me as if I was some sort of thing he wanted to poke. His sensei sighed heavily this time.

"Is she awake?" He took a peep at my face and scratched his hair while pouting curiously.

"Are you blind or just a moron?" I spat with gritted teeth, lifting my head to show him that I wasn't afraid.

"Huh?" this 'statement' came out rather dumbfounded from the kid and the he looked absolutely empty. Then his eyes opened in a sudden fury and there was no question about I'd pissed the kid off.

"What did you call me?" he shouted and held up a fist. Darn that kid had a bad temper, no wonder why KAKASHI (yes I said it right this time) sighed so much.

"You heard me, moron!" a smug appeared on my face. It was actually quite funny how the kid got so hotheaded in no time. He growled and clenched his fists, with a frown in his face. Hah.

"I'm going to beat you up!" he shouted and pointed (what was up with all that pointing?) at me before flinging a fist towards me. I was ready to, bite, move – whatever that could take his punch. But his hand never got to me, it was another hand that pushed me into the dirt and I almost ate some it. Actually, he pressed my head down so hard that I couldn't breathe and I wrenched underneath the pressure.

"Naruto stop, don't let her get to you. That's what she wants" Kakashi said (I couldn't see a thing so I couldn't describe any other thing than his plain voice… But you already know that)  
Kakashi began to lecture Naruto, and that wasn't helping on my oxygen level. I gathered some strength and forced my head against the pressure of his hand, since the mumbling and groaning wasn't enough.

"Air!" I gasped before my face went down into the dirt again.

"Oh" was the only thing the jounin said and took his hand away.

I looked back at the two, and I could only guess that I looked insulted and pissed. Kakashi's eyebrows rose a bit, and Naruto looked at me dumbly. Then the brat cracked up in a laugh, mouth wide open and all.

"You should see yourself; you have dirt all over your face!" the kid could barely get the words out. This was quite humiliating so I looked away coldly. What the hell was I supposed to do, other than just lay at the ground? I snorted, and began to think of ways to escape. Kakashi looked at his pupil and sighed (again).

"Naruto, keep an eye out for me, will you?" Kakashi shifted a bit, looking as if he didn't want to waste his energy on what he was about to do.

"He-hey!" Kakashi rolled me around and grabbed me by my collar and pulled me up against the tree, a sudden change in his intentions DEFFINETLY evident. God, how I hated to be pushed around and being controlled!

"Let go!" I hissed and wrenched in the robes again, but with no luck whatsoever. The jounin looked serious; if he really was serious or just did it to gain a quick answer for what he was about to ask - I couldn't tell.

"Tell me. What did you do right before you blacked out?" his one dark grey eye narrowed fiercely, looking intensely at me.

"What are you talking about?" I lied, and looked away with smug. He was referring to the mind-incident.

"You know what I'm talking about!" his voice was now a bit more threatening, but he was so good at keeping everything about himself so plain and calm that it was almost creepy. Naruto peeped over his sensei's shoulder with narrowed and curious eyes, but still he looked hesitant, afraid to interrupt something important.

"I don't… Do I look like I do?" I snapped and widened my eyes at him. Perhaps that could convince him. _Yeah, right Toshi… idiot._

"You did some kind of jutsu, a rare one that can't be taught easily. But you failed somehow, cause you only left me dizzy" he said and tightened the grip around the collar of my shirt.

"Listen, I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Perhaps that sharingan of yours backfired or something. What do I know?" I pushed my lower lip out and looked away, cause his gaze stared so intensely that it made me wonder if he could see through my lie.

"… You're not going to tell me are you?" he asked suddenly in defeat.

"Yeah! What did you do to Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto shouted (just a bit too late). Kakashi seemed to scan my eyes for a moment which provoked me to glare right back at him.

"She has no reason to tell us…" he muttered in conclusion. He looked at me for a short moment and then lifted me up a little bit, only to tilt me to the side (again) so I landed on my stomach with a grunt.

"Jeez—" I said before it became a muffle when my head was pushed into the dirt yet again. What cruel treatment. I could feel his gloved hand remove the hair from my neck carefully, my neck being a very sensitive area. It tickled when my hair swayed over the skin around the pearl in my neck (it always did), but my attention was moved to the low gasps that came from both ninja's. It was the mark of Eien no Honou, the purple pearl engraved in my neck they gasped at.

"Look" I could hear Kakashi mutter to his student.

"Yeah, what is that?" Naruto sounded just as amused (and a bit disgusted) as his sensei had done. I could feel his hand reach out for the pearl and that made me snap out of my observing state of mind.

I panicked if anyone touched the pearl roughly; it would be the same as releasing all of Eien no Honou's chakra in one burst! (Now, that didn't feel nice) I forced my head up in sudden panic

"Don't!" I roared and in the same instant Kakashi had grabbed Naruto's _ignorant _hand only inches away from my neck. I breathed out heavily in relief… That was one close call.

"Be carefull Naruto" Kakashi warned him and pushed the curious kid away from me. He stood up, leaving my on the ground and then I noticed another figure awakening from beside the fireplace.

"Jeez, it's hard to sleep with all that noise" the black haired kid sat up, his hair flat and messed on his left side of the head. Looked quite funny. (… oh just forget it!)

"You think so too Sasuke?" the pinky head popped up from her sleeping back the second after the Black had spoken. He mumbled something evasively and crossed his arms

"I'm not even tired! Can we continue to go back home Kakashi-sensei please please please?" Naruto pulled his sensei continuously in his sleeve which seemed to annoy the plain expression Kakashi had been holding so bravely all this time. He shoved his hand discreetly away from the kid

"Good idea Naruto" he said, indifferently though.

The team began to pack around me, and I just lay there, alone and ignored and with a quivering eyebrow of annoyance. Because of the time I was given to think, I noticed the fire inside that began to burn warmer. It was Eien no Honou that was beginning to get impatient, and she was beginning to influence my thoughts. Good for me that my better half still was there, telling me how stupid it would be to show them Eien now. The robes around my hands were beginning to loosen ever so slightly.

"Okay, let's get going" now I had the attention of the jounin again, who looked down at me with smiling eye(s). _Sure, you can't fool me with that look._

"Woah! Hey!" he slung me over his shoulder which knocked all the air out of my lungs. Especially when you haven't eaten for a few days it feels as if there's nothing left, the place where your stomach is bending. I groaned at him and shocked myself quite a bit when my blood came rushing to my head in a very uncomfortable way (no I was not blushing, but blood tends to be effected by the gravity). Eien roared an ear deafening roar in my head.

I was suddenly dropped down again, landing with a thud on my butt. I looked up, about to shout, yell – whatever that would get to the Jounin! But, I realized that he'd felt Eien's chakra burst out of me. Before I could react though, I felt a hard knock in my head and the blackness consumed me once again.

The wind whistles in my ears like a shrill voice, rocking me roughly up and down. My head hurt like hell and felt as a heavy burden attached to my body. _Oh… Now I know why_; I was hanging upside down, over a shoulder. It wasn't the wind that rocked me; it was the one carrying me who was jumping from branch to branch. I opened my eyes narrowly groaning because of the pain in my stomach. The position wasn't good for stomachs especially not when the person holding you was jumping. I peeped narrowly around, still hanging limp so no one would notice that I was awake. The first thing that struck me was the question of how long I'd been unconscious. I couldn't see a thing from my current position and the gates of Konoha could be just ahead. My hands were now tied in front of me, which would make it much easier to escape from the Jounin carrying me.

I closed my eyes and prepared to make the most forceful spin that I'd ever made with tied hands and feet… Okay this was my first time… Whatever.

I flexed my muscles, turned my upper body a bit (receiving a 'hm?' from the jounin) and twisted my body so hard upwards that Kakashi dodged my uncontrollable fists once before jumping a branch backwards, while I spun countless times around before I actually began to fall downwards. I landed heavily on the ground, bending, using my hands for support as well. I found myself standing on a broad, sandy path. I didn't get to think much more when the kids lashed for me, getting me to instinctively turn at them with a hiss. Shock took over me momentarily when I saw that huge gates of Konoha towering up behind the kids which made me feel reluctantly small and insignificant.

"Wait!" Kakashi landed on the path and in front of the kids only turning his side to me.

I wasn't sure of what I was capable of with bound hands and feet, but what I did know was that my head hurt like hell and that my wounds had reopened because of that spin! I was pretty consent to the fact that I couldn't beat the damned Jounin, especially not in this state - so my only option was to just run away. A thunder echoed dully in the sky, and that was when I noticed that it was raining. Obviously was it raining a lot these days, but it looked kind of off because the sun was about to rise, creating a strange purple color. Kakashi looked at me intensely from the side, standing perfectly still.

"God! Why can't you just come with us already!" Naruto snarled in my direction taking two hand frustrated to his forehead.

"Why can't you just let me go?" I shouted back aggressively lowering my stance. Not that I had any place to go now. I didn't know the way to my village…

"We are doing you a favor, when will you understand it? Other assassins will kill you eventually. We're offering you an alternative, all things considered."

"That still doesn't justify what you're doing! You just show up without any warning, attacking me and leaving me with no options!" my voice was beginning to sound hysteric and desperate. Kakashi turned to face me fully, seeming to hold down his irritation

"It wasn't right for Sasuke to attack you" he shot the kid a glance – " But we've already told you why you have no options, and you yourself are reason enough for justifying our actions"

My face contorted in pure anger which was a reaction to the frustration I felt about not having any answer to what he'd said. I wrenched my brain for something to say, but soon realized that I was out of anything to say. I began to pant harder and cussed the raindrops that fell into my mouth, irritating me exceedingly. I backed away slowly putting one foot behind the other which sunk into the muddy path, plopping every time I lifted one foot.

"Just stay away from me! You're pathetic, bound to the rules and leader of your village!" I spat

I noticed the Naruto kid tremble again, and I bet with myself that he was ready to lash forward anytime. Kakashi stood dead still, his eyes now showing the most of seriousness that I'd seen so far.

"You three… Wait at the gate. I got this" he said, tilting his head downwards and moved his arm slowly through the air to take some kind of stance. I looked confused after the kids that obeyed with no hesitation. Panic started to spread in my body, as I stood bound in front of a strong Jounin. I lowered myself ready to jump, but just as soon as I moved he moved as well and he was there in front of me in a split second, kicking me in the stomach, knocking the air out of me forcefully. There I flew silently through the dawn until I hit a tree so hard that the wood behind me broke into a thousand pieces, piercing my back. Before his leg fell, he was there by the tree, holding his hand around my throat before I could even fall to the ground. I looked into his cold eyes and wasn't able to read anything, but only the image of a cold-hearted ninja in front of me. I grabbed his wrist as much as I could to loosen the weight in my neck. Gasping for air of all of my heart, clinging to life, tasting the metallic blood in my mouth I looked at him, terrified of what he could do to me.

"We're all tired of your whining. You shouldn't talk about things you know nothing of." he said collected but irritation was definitely evident in his voice. He tightened his grip a bit as if he was unable to control his irritation

"You—" I coughed and relented. I didn't have any strength left to ignore the massive pain that shot through my back every second and at the same time fighting with the lack of air. My lungs burned for air in the rainy dawn, pricking and drowning me inside my own body.

"Do you want to stay out here and lick your wounds in the forest, with no home and no place to go to?" he breathed and the pressure of his hand strengthened.

He was uncomfortably close which made me want to surrender only so he would take some distance. His warm breath was in high contrast to my cold and wet skin, reluctantly sucking in the last warmth I'd probably ever feel again. I looked in the direction of the kids who stood as small dots in the purple light, under the big gate of Konoha. They were all looking in this direction. Somewhere in my mind I knew he was right, but I had to deny it, there was no way that I would change my way of living. I was usually good at controlling my expression but I was afraid that my eyebrows had turned the opposite direction of angry. The sadness and panic that suddenly consumed me drowned my physical pain, and I felt as if the kick had made a gaping, empty hole through me.

"Thought so." he said collected and loosened his grip around my neck. I looked at his eyes briefly and saw sadness and pity hidden in them, and a hint of jealousy of him rushed through me before I looked to the ground where I slowly glad down the tree until I sat down in front of him. I looked at his shoes and the golden light that was cast on him from the rising sun. I felt misery and disappointment when I sat before him, like some pathetic loser. At that moment I realized that these were the first people to take SOME kind of interest in me.

"Kakashi-sensei?" The Pinky called from the gate.

The pain of the splinters came in waves and I felt his gaze on me, but didn't have any strength to look up. I probably looked plain, with unfocused eyes. He sighed.

"I'm taking her to the hokage, anyway. She's too weak to sit out here" he said back loud enough for the kids to hear. But I couldn't understand it. After all this, I would've thought that he would just leave me out here to die… Why would ANYONE take someone like me inside, after all the trouble I'd caused, why not just kill me off? I looked up at him in shock.  
He grabbed my arms to make sure that I wasn't going to do anything unpredictable, and then swooped me into his arms, lifting me up in bridal style. I suddenly couldn't look him in the eyes, I felt too embarrassed and at the same time the pain worsened so much that I had to clench my eyes and grown. You can imagine how uncomfortable it is to bend in the way you do when you're lifted in bridal style.

He put his hands together abruptly and smock grew quickly around us while I felt as if I was dragged into his jutsu, consumed by his chakra and then the smock cleared and I weakly noticed a huge, orange, round building but I had a hard a time to pay attention to my surroundings. A wind took a grip in the rain which washed over me like small needles. Kakashi's footsteps lingered in my ears for some time and then suddenly the rain stopped and the surroundings were warm and light. My head yanked limply up and down in rhythm with his footsteps and it felt like forever before he stopped. I concentrated to figure out where I was and looked faintly to the side, seeing an old man with spiky hair sitting behind a desk filled with papers. Behind him were large windows that made a perfect view over the rooftops of the village.

The old man rushed up from behind his desk, almost knocking over a cup of tea in the process.

"Kakashi?" he looked at me wide eyed, almost with disgust before turning his gaze to Kakashi

"We've brought Toshi Setsuko, so team 7 has completed their mission" he said, his voice pressing with a tone of irritation.

"Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura have gone home to rest." he continued. The hokage looked at me and I closed my eyes weakly; How easy it would be to just give in to the heavy burden of my body which pressed down on my like a black blanket. Silence lingered between the two male ninja's before the hokage broke the silence

"I see she wasn't as easy as we'd thought… " he said questioningly.

"That is an understatement. She didn't match the details we'd gotten about her – one bit." Kakashi said.

"Well…" the hokage massaged his temples – "At least you brought her back alive. Good job. Now, I can see she needs treatment if she's going to survive. Bring her to Konoha hospital and deliver the rapport some time in the next few days." The hokage began to look in some of his papers

"Bu—" Kakashi was about to protest but was cut off

"And, now that you're here I could assign team 7 to guard her at the hospital to make sure that she doesn't do anything harmful to anyone. I assume that she isn't very thrilled about the idea of coming here." The hokage said and shot me a pitiful look.

"I'll give you further information when she's healed" and that was the end of the conversation. He sat down behind his desk and nipped a bit at his pipe, like everything was back to normal.

I was already getting comfortable, there, on the floor, and it would be overly satisfying if I could just lay there. Kakashi gave the hokage a surrendering nod, and bowed down to lift me up. The pain that was alleviating came back like a giant wave and I clenched my teeth hard together while pressing out a groan of pain. I had to breathe hard to deal with the pain.

Kakashi was a little unsure about what he felt. Maybe he'd beaten her a bit too much, but what else was there to do to get the stray girl to come inside Konoha? She could've died from that punch he gave her, so perhaps he had went a bit overboard, but she was terribly mischievous and ruined. Of all ninjas he'd met, and he had met a lot of ninjas, was she an outstanding case. She was utterly caught up in her own world, and was completely blind to how her own norms looked like. How the hokage wanted to make her into a leaf ninja, did he not get. It would probably be a process out of great peril, if not, was she probably incapable of any kind of change at all. That was what annoyed him. He knew that if he was assigned to be her guide to a world that (for her) was upside down – it would take a heck lot of energy and concern out of him, now when he had enough in Naruto and Sasuke.

He raced along the rooftops with the blonde in his arms knowing that she was in pain. But she deserved it. Now she could feel the pain that she'd inflicted on other people. But deep down he just pitied her. He knew that if you had turned out the way that she had, you definitely were in mentally pain.

She groaned a couple of times, but kept silent otherwise until he landed in front of the hospital, pushing the doors open with his one leg, trudging inside, soaking wet from head to toe. A secretarian looked curiously up from her desk, and adjusted her glasses; one glance from Kakashi and she knew what to do. She called after a nurse over the speakers and after some silent minutes – with a limp girl in his arms – an overstrung little nurse appeared.

"O' dear! What happened to her?" she asked, eyebrows furrowing in compassion for the criminal blonde in his arms. Well… She didn't know Toshi, only that she needed treatment.

The nurse's objective point of view eased Kakashi's view on the blonde the slightest and he let himself relax some more, looking forward to letting the nurses handle the criminal.

"I just came home from a mission, and I'm sorry to say this, but she's only a criminal who needs some medic attention." he said, eyes softening a bit. The nurse's expression didn't change, she still looked very concerned.

"Oh' my" she said and mentioned Kakashi to go with her. The nurse's footsteps were quick and stressing, and it seemed like forever before they reached a room. The nurse shot Kakashi a nervous glance and pointed to a surgery table. He didn't blame her though. He probably looked scary to her, especially when he was this wet and grumpy.

"Put her there, please." she said. Kakashi was about to put the blonde down but stopped.

"I better put her on her stomach. I think that her back is severely injured" He said, and rolled her out of his arms. Toshi gasped in pain and clenched her eyes tightly.

"What was that? Is she still conscious?" the nurse squeaked and began to fumble after some anesthetic.

Kakashi stood there for a moment looking at Toshi's back. The clothes were soaked in blood; it'd probably left a stain at the hokages floor… He turned around when a doctor appeared in the doorway, carrying a piece of paper in his hands.

"What do we have here." he asked not looking up from his paper.

Kakashi stepped a bit into the background, feeling somewhat curious about how bad her back was, though he really wasn't in the mood for looking at wounds and blood. He was actually quite tired after the mission, and the jutsu-thing she'd done to him had made him a bit light-headed all day.

"A patient who needs treatment immediately" the nurse said and put the needle of the syringe into the blonde's arm.

The doctor rushed over to Toshi's limp body, handing out commands to the overstrung nurse. He began to cut open Toshi's clothes with a chakra string. Carefully the doctor picked off the blouse that was like glued to her wounds and the nasty sound that came made Kakashi cringe briefly and look away. But when the nurse gasped loudly he looked back, and his eyes twitched by the sight. He had expected her back to be covered in blood, but was sure that it had just been the rain that had made it so dramatic. But everywhere were splinters of wood stuck in her back, blood pouring out from every spike and out of the ripped flesh.

"I'm sorry Mr. Hatake, but I'll have to ask you to leave." the doctor said and grabbed for the cleansing the nurse was offering.

"Of course" he said with a shrug and performed the art of evaporating discreetly.

He walked through the hallway, recalling the many times he'd been in here. A shiver ran through him; he hated to be in the hospital. He ignored the wet sleeves that glued to his arm and ruffled the water out of his hair, no one was looking anyway, and who would mind a few drops of water on the floor?... All things considered was he glad that the mission was over and that he could go home to read his book. The blonde weren't going to wake up anytime soon.


	3. Air for life Chapter 3

I woke up the way as the last previous times. Noises was the first thing that my brain reacted to before anything else, and in the darkness of my wakening I heard the continuously – _beep beep beeping _sound in my ears. _Oh' dammit! I'm in a hospital. Shit, I forgot… Now what?_ My mind couldn't comprehend anything at the moment and I felt completely numb, and at the same time my mind raced all the possibilities – of what was going to happen to me – through. My head was like trapped in between some kind of hole and my vision came back as a white blurry blob. White floor was the first thing that came into my sight and I wondered if I was flowing in mid air. I could now hear voices talking around me and I realized that I was laying in my stomach, with my face in a small hole. How I'd managed not to drool was a mystery to me and gravity…

I blinked sheepishly a couple of times when I heard a familiar voice.

"She told us not to touch it" Kakashi said.

What, did I tell him? I didn't tell him a god damned thing!

"It's truly interesting. I haven't heard about any clan or anything that would explain that thing in her neck" a man's voice said.

I could feel gazes on me, hear people scrapping notes with their pens and it made me very aware. So aware that I noticed the pain that shot through my back and I cringed over the shock of how massive it was. It took a few moments for me to get used to it and to bite it in me. Then I slowly lifted my arms up so I could raise myself, to take a look at what was going on around me. I received a couple of gasps and then peeped up from the hole my head had been resting in.

"No no, please lay down again! This is not good for you" a doctor exclaimed and went to my side slightly unsure about what to do. But I kept rising, my arms quivering from the pain while ignoring that many cries that I received from the doctors and nurses. I looked around and saw x-rays hanging on the wall, scrolls laying on the floor, and machines by my side. I noticed the jounin – Kakashi – sit in a chair by the wall right in front of me, arms crossed. He looked at me curiously and tilted his head a bit to the side.

"How are you feeling?" he asked politely, but it seemed more like a provocation (to me).

My left eyebrow began to quiver uncontrollably in irritation. What nerves he had to sit there and ask me how I was feeling! Who did he think he was, having put me through all those things and then let me live in shame…

"Screw you" I muttered darkly and received a brief frown from him.

The doctors muttered around me and one who was a bit taller than the rest had the nerves to go forward and talk to me

"If I may ask. How do you feel?" he asked and was ready to take notes. I shot Kakashi a nasty glance and looked at the doctor again

"Fine… " I sighed – " You can let me go now" I lied, turning around so I could sit up, ripping out the drop in my arm in the process.

All the nurses and doctors began to panic and shout at me once again. It was seriously annoying.

"Stop! Your wounds are not healed yet!" a nurse cried, and she actually looked like she was about to die (completely overkill). I yanked another nurse off of my arm, about to feel claustrophobic because of the many people surrounding me.

"I FEEL OKAY, GOD DAMMIT!" I said aggressively. What was it the tards didn't get? Why did they care? I wanted to bang my head against a wall continuously, this was beyond stupid. I struggled a bit to sit up and then get my legs over the edge of the bed. Yanking some helpful hands off of me and not succeeding in death glaring at them enough I really hoped that I could somehow escape (that was the only thing my mind was set on at the moment)

"Hold up everyone" Kakashi sighed. I looked dumbly over my shoulder and saw him stand up – walking around the bed and over to me. I glared at him silently all the way. I swear, if I had been a cat I would've hissed at him and launch for him with a claw…

"Didn't you hear her? She says she's fine. If that's true I'll escort her to her temporary home…" he smiled insuring to the doctors and nurses (with his one visible eye), coursing a nurse to flush a bit and then close her mouth

Noooo, he ruined everything. How vigilant where they here? I wasn't feeling very well; actually I wasn't even sure if I could run! I was just testing if I could… Or was I?... What the hell was I thinking? But I couldn't back out now when I had lied to all of them. That was like quitting a game! (not that I'd played many… and not many think my games are funny)

"But she's not ready! The only reason why she's capable of outstanding the pain is because of the anesthetics!" the tall doctor said and put a hand on my shoulder which I shrugged away. Kakashi walked over to me, towering over me imminently, glancing at the doctor from the corner of his eye.

"If she says she's ready. She is" he said, and I swore that he made the doctor look somewhat blunt. The doctor nodded bluntly to Kakashi, and I looked up at him with a skeptical cocked eyebrow. What was he doing? Was he trying to teach me some kind of lesson? Pff, who did he think he was? Mr know-it-all?

"Come on" Kakashi grabbed my upper arm and began to pull

"Wha-what are you doing? Don't touch me! HEY!" he pulled me abruptly up by my arm like I was as light as a feather. A bit my teeth hard together and stopped whining when the pain doubled and my knees was about to break together. But they didn't, I just shut my mouth trying to look brave.

"Well, since you're feeling so well…" he said, and began to drag me to the window and slid it aggressively to the side which coursed a nurse to gasp. He had a hard grip around my arm, and because of that I was yanked with him out of the window, completely unprepared for that jump he'd just made. I almost scratched my thigh against the sill, knocking over a vase with flowers in the process. I was dragged through the air by the force of his jump like some limp doll.

It was night time, and the air was cold against my skin and the hospital clothes weren't helping much. He landed on a roof, and the impact made me awkwardly land beside him, pain shooting through my back again and this time it was unbearable. I closed my eyes in pain. It felt as if sandpaper was scratching against my back and into my wounds. My knees failed in holding me and I was only held up by his indifferent grip around my arm.

"W-wait" I gasped

"You're really predictable… You were planning to run away weren't you? How stupid do you think we are in this village?" he said

"Who do you think y—" I hissed, head bowed down towards the tiles.

"I don't know who YOU think you are. But you're not the strongest ninja here. And to rush out in a village filled with ninja's in this condition only proves your incompetence and ignorance" his voice was filled with suppressed irritation.

The harsh, but true words made me flinch momentarily.

"If you thought you could escape in this condition, you can also go to your temporary home. As I've said before we're trying to make the best of you" he said the last thing with a sigh, and I felt his pitiful glare at me.

I looked away and into the far distance of the night. Everything began to sink in to my mind, knowing that he was right, only that I had a hard time with accepting it. In a silent moment, the sickening feeling of regret began to dwell in my stomach.

"Yet, I know that you're only doing what you were told to" I hissed through clenched teeth.

Perhaps they wanted to help me. But who would truly take any care? I could never turn out as they wanted if I my social terms was the same as in my old village. I did not know much about the heart, but I knew that if I should become a fully fletched Leaf ninja – someone had to put their heart into the efforts of making me into one. And who would truly do that? I was just a strong convict.

"Sure, you will probably never be able to tell. No one has ever cared about you…" he said bluntly and dragged me up to my feet again, preparing for a jump. The tone in his voice was so plain, so oblivious that I kept my thoughts and my tongue to myself, like I usually did.

This time I followed him better through the air, trying to match his speed as much as I could manage. I brooded in my own anger as we went silently through the night, barely watching the yellow streetlamps under me.

We landed by the outskirts, on a narrow street. I crouched as I landed on the ground, groaning silently to myself. The Jounin watched my crouched form silently as I tried to get myself together, taking in deep breaths through my nose. I took in one more deep breath and looked up abruptly, eyes widening of a tall building that stood dark blue in the darkness of the night. A sign swung noisily back and forth saying 'Konoha prison; A-rank division'. So I was classified as an A-ranked criminal? That was the second highest, right after S-ranked, right? I'd almost guessed that they would put me in prison, like I'd had any other choice from the beginning, as they'd said… Bastards.

"Come" he commanded and began to drag me along yet again.

"I'm not going in there" I insisted and kicked my foot stubbornly into the ground.

"Yes you are" he answered and began to drag me ruthlessly harder. I caught a glimpse of a large grid that seemed as an extension of the building, probably there to keep criminals from escaping. I sighed shakily, having no other option but to follow the Jounin.

After, being let in by two guards, we ended up in some kind of reception, only more criminal-friendly. The floor was of grey concrete, and the walls were a weird green color, like a puke-color, with cracks here and there. One single lamb hung lonely in the middle of the room, as a sister to the blue light that came out of a bug-catcher by the wall. There was a single desk loaded with papers and an empty wooden chair behind it. The room just screamed of boredom and sadness. It gave me the creeps, and it smelled horrible. Like an old house…

A ninja came from behind the only door there was in the room. He wore the same leaf-ninja clothes as Kakashi, had black hair and was approximately about 35 years old, but looked older because of his ninja life. That was very typical for ninja's who'd fought in the Great War. They were typically pretty rough in their faces. I eyed Kakashi, he didn't look as though he'd taken much damage from the great war. He'd probably been a bit younger then the guard.

"Greetings Kakashi." The guard greeted and eyed me warily.

"What do you have with you?" he asked, a smirk forming around the edges of his mouth. I crouched a bit, narrowing my eyes at the cocky guard.

"A wanted criminal who just came out of the hospital and needs… a place to stay. This I Toshi Setsuko" his voice was now back to normal. I mean serious-mode-normal… Whatever

I wrenched a bit, trying to rip my arm away from his grip. How I hated this pathetic treatment. But when I received a brief glance from the Jounin, everything he'd said came rushing back to me, and that made me realize how overwhelming all of this was. I may never get back my freedom! My train of thoughts wouldn't stop, and my temper began to flare under the surface, despite my wounds. I know that I have a bad sense of situation! I knew very well, that he was getting rid of me as soon as I was in prison. Then he wouldn't have to watch over me in the hospital.

"Well well! I have the perfect cell for you, Toshi" the guard said, smiling smug to me. He creped the shit out of me and that was fairly weird cause the Jounin – Kakashi – didn't. Kakashi dragged me along the reception-thing and behind the door the guard had entered.

I stepped into a long, dark hallway, which seemed to contain many corridors. Faint roars of men were echoing through the halls as we silently walked through them. I had goosebumps all over my body.

"Is this what you call helping me? Putting me in a cell! You can't do that!" I moaned in panic.

"Just quit it already. You have no choice. Why do you even care." Kakashi said, followed by a tired sigh. I knew I had no one I cared for. But I still liked my freedom, and to NOT live in a cell.

"That doesn't mean I want to live in a cell!" I hissed aggressively, trying to follow his quick steps. Kakashi mumbled something incoherent as the guard by my side spoke

"Shut up girl. Whatever you've done, this is going to be the perfect home for you" he said and looked solemn at me, snickering by himself.

I scowled at him. He'd been more than mocking in these few minutes we'd known each other. He wasn't going to get away with that. I gathered some strength and eyed Kakashi suspiciously. Then with a small grunt I launched my head and upper body towards the guard, making an attempt to bite after his cheeks. He leaped to the side as my teeth clasped together with a bone-like noise. Kakashi pulled me back, like a dog in a leach, ferociously looking after the mailman. The guard looked at me wide eyed, walking as far away he could from me now.

"Bitch!" he spat, the bravery seeming to grow in him when he saw Kakashi's good control of me. At the same time we stopped by a heavy metal-door.

"Take it easy" Kakashi got in between the eye-battle between me and the guard. It seemed that I wasn't the only one Kakashi was good at 'controlling'. The guard pouted, and cleared his throat, looking at Kakashi. _Yeah, you better do and just pretend that I didn't win the eye-battle!_

"Here it is… " he walked past kakashi and I, nose high in the sky as he opened the door with his keys.

The door cracked open, revealing a room that was just about as sad as the reception only smaller. Everything was made of dark grey concrete, the floor the walls… Even the sink seemed as dark as the walls. There was an open toilet in the middle of it all. I noted myself that I'd use that as little as possible. A narrow bed stood by the wall, layered with a filthy madras and some cleaned blankets and sheets. My nose wrinkled in disgust. This was worse than living in the street!

"Looks comfortable" Kakashi said with a shrug and released my arm. I snorted and walked into the middle, looking at the small window by the furthest wall, over the bed.

"Um… guess I'll see you around" Kakashi said. I twirled around just as the door smacked. A rush of panic ran through me. What if I was never going to get out of here! I locked eyes with Kakashi – through the little window in the door - for a few silent moments before he ripped his eyes away and walked away…

I walked anxiously around in my cell, for God knows how long, before I calmed myself enough to sit down. I'd forgotten about the pain until I sat down on my bed. I cringed and leaned against the wall, grateful for actually having a bed. As soon as I were healthy enough I was going to make the run out of this shitty city. They'd underestimated me seriously. I was placed in an A-ranked criminals division, meaning that it was easier to break out of here (well compared to the S-ranked prison), if I only used Eien no Honou. I swung my feet up in the bed and lay down to look at the grey ceiling. The air was chilly and cold so I pulled one of the blankets up over my body letting the train of thoughts flow freely. I ended up in thinking about how normal life here could be. It would mean friends, and friends were something that was fake. Only something shallow to lean up against. I'd never experienced love, and wasn't happy with thinking about it. It bugged me cause couldn't grasp the concept.

"So so so… You know, coming here and acting all smart is not very clever" The guard stood by my door, dragging a kunai over the bars of the small window in the door. It made and awful lot of noise.

I looked at him from the corner of my eye; his eyes were full with mischief. I smirked to myself and pulled out some of Eien's silvery chakra and launched up in sitting position baring my teeth like I did when I was in her form and releasing the chakra from Eien. It roared as if she was there, rumbling in my cell. The guard lashed away, shocked by the sudden noise.

I smirked turning my attention to the ceiling again. The train of thoughts made me tired. I couldn't quite grasp everything that was happening in my life. I closed my eyes, drifting slowly to sleep.

That night I slept heavily, and when I woke up, I momentarily forgot where I was. I rubbed my eyes and looked groggily around the grey cell, jets of sunlight illuminating a few spots around the cell. All hope and life seeming seeping out of me when I remembered where I was. What was worse was that my body was stiff – I could barely move… I'd forgotten that I was on anesthetics yesterday and that had probably worn off. I trembled in cramps which came in waves, focusing my eyes at the small window where sunlight shone in through.

"Breakfast!" someone yelled from the other side of my door, and in was swooped a bowl with a grey, jelly-like substance.

I looked at it with disgust. The pain had taken away my appetite, and I had no strength to move from the bed and to the bowl. For some time, I stared at the window above me, picturing the forest outside the large village. Slowly but gradually I moved to sit in my bed silently. I seriously needed a shower. My hair was greasy, and I probably was stinking not having had a shower every since I'd met the ninja's from Konoha. I told myself to stay away from the prison shower, just the very thought gave me the creeps. Who knew what horrible things could happen in there? I scooted down to the floor and crawled over to the bowl with the weird substance, knowing that I had to eat to heal properly. I coughed disgusted and grimaced when the hideous taste of the substance hit my tongue. It tasted like wet paper, with a hint of salt in it… I managed to get up and went over to the sink to get something to drink, so I could wash away the bad taste.

After a painful amount of time with laying in my bed, the door to my cell clicked open automatically gesturing me to join the other convicts in the yard. Hell as if I was going to join them! I sighed heavily and went to close the door again, so no one could enter. The day went by slowly, and my active mind had a hard time with baring the burden of my worn out body. A doctor and a nurse had been by, guarded by two guards, to change my bandages and giving me some, o' yes, delightful anesthetics. God, I sound like a drug head.

The time in my cell gave me good time to think. Actually, I don't think that I've had so many mixed emotions in one day. Somewhere deep, deep, DEEP down inside I hoped that the silver-haired Kakashi would come by and tell me that I was free again, and that it was all a big misunderstanding… Or that he was going to get me out of here… I smacked myself at my forehead. Since when did I rely on others!

Kakashi knew exactly what the hokage wanted from him, or at least he had a pretty good guess. After training with the team, he'd sat off to the hokages office to meet him, probably regarding the wild blonde. Sure it had been regarding her

"Kakashi, why don't you take her under your wing?" the hokage had said.

At first it had taken Kakashi by surprise. He really had enough in the two boys on his team. The infamous Naruto, son of the fourth hokage and the host of the ninetailed fox, and of course Sasuke the only surviver of the uchiha massacre and the only one left of his kind except for his outlaw brother.

"Me? I don't think I'm very suitable for that kind of job." he said, stuffing his hands more into his pockets.

"Well, who else will be?"

Kakashi thought for a moment. Who could he give the ball to?

"Um, what about… Gai?" he really couldn't come up with anyone who could muster her strength and personality at the same time. Who could turn a person with a past of such greif, hopelessness and all the other factors that applied to her norms and personality? No, putting her together with Gai was like adding fuel to a small flame… Kakashi saw the skeptical look at the hokage's face, taking notice that he suggested Kakashi to reconsider.

"Okay, maybe not Gai." he muttered and looked somewhere else to avoid himself being chosen again to take care of her. He felt his beloved book burning in his pocket; what will Ryo do when he finds out that Miu is cheeting on him?

"Enough waiting, you'll take her, Kakashi. She's only 19, she can still change" the hokage said and waved his hand in a swattering way to infer that he didn't want to discuss it anymore. He took a sip of his pipe and began dig into his paperwork again. Darn he should've foreseen it.

"So, she'll stay in prison until she seems trustworthy?" Kakashi asked, just to be sure.

"Yes yes, that's up to you. She'll probably never get out though." he said, not looking up from the pile of papers.

The hokages distrust to the 'project', or the girl, only made Kakashi's belief in the 'project' lessen. If the hokage didn't care, cause he obviously seemed to be uninterested in the matter, then why would someone who wasn't even agreeing in the idea from the start, have his determination in the matter? Still he could feel some kind of determination, exactly because no one else was interested. After all, it was kind of like a long termed mission, and if he had full authority of her, he could spend time on her when he didn't have anything else to do or perhaps force her to watch the kids train… His mind seemed to already be spinning with ideas of how to solve this problem that would take much of his precious free-time. He nodded agreeing to the hokage and disappeared out of his office instantly.

I woke up having had a bad night of sleep. Count; day four.

I slapped a hand over my eyes to block the sun, and turned sullenly in my bed and looked out at the grey room before me. Nothing had changed, except for my fiery spirit and seemingly high vigour. It had completely left me and I was sure they'd cast some kind of depressing jutsu over the place. My wounds were still bad, but more manageable to walk around with now. Surely the Jounin had been lying to me when he said that they were going to help me, and how they could make a kid, around 12 years old lie too was a mystery to me. I found out that I was completely out of my own rhythm, when I looked out of the window and saw that the sun stood high; must've been around 12 o'clock. I plumped down on my bed again and rubbed some dirt off of my arm. I still hadn't gotten a bath and looked tan with all the dirt on my skin. If I could just run freely through the forest and bath under a nice waterfall everythi— I jerked up when someone knocked on my door three times.

"You have visitors" a raspy voice yelled outside my door and looked at me through the small window. I popped myself up on my elbows to see better and listened while the keys clicked open the heavy lock.

"Hello there." In stepped a familiar grey haired man, smiling with his eyes as he put down an orange book in his pocket.

I cocked an eyebrow expectantly, suppressing a simmering hope of seeing the outside world beginning to grow in me. Cocky as I was, I didn't answer him but simply waited for him to say something, while he took in the sight of the room.

"Um… So, Toshi. Since you're going to be my apprentice."

I was sure that he'd chosen that word 'prentice' very carefully.

"- I thought I might show you my better side and take you outside with the team, so I could show you what great things you've been missing out. Oh' and I brought you some basic ninja clothes for you to wear." his voice was carefully neutral, though I could feel that he was tense despite his body language which showed the complete opposite. He threw me the clothes which I caught in a bit of a surprise. Sitting in my bed, I looked at it silently without interest. With my sharp senses I noticed how my silence made both Kakashi and the guard a bit awkward about the situation.

"Perhaps you're not healthy enough to go outside? Or perhaps you just don't want to?" he shove his hands into his pockets looking at me expectantly. Almost as if he was hoping that I would say no to his offer. Yeah, like he could get rid of me that easy (I would also really like to get out of the damned cell)

"No, um, I mean yes, I'll come with you." why the hell was I falling over my own words? Must've been because of the lack in speaking with anyone.

"You sure you're healthy enough?" he asked again.

I shot him a nasty glare and rose from my bed, ignoring the pain that struck me like a lightning bolt. I held a plain face from years of practice, taking a better look at the clothes he'd given me. Then I looked at him again with a cocked eyebrow and nodding towards the clothes in a suggestive way to make Kakashi and the guard, close the door. Kakashi immediately got the message, though was the guard a bit slow and sprinted out after Kakashi, mildly red around his cheeks. The clothes consisted of the ninja clothes I'd seen everyone here wear; navy-blue loose pants with a navy-blue cozy shirt, white bandages and some blue sandals. The only thing I wasn't comfortable about was that he'd picked out a pair of sporty panties and a sports-bra… An unpleasant shiver ran through my spine. That was just awkward… ugh.

I knocked on the door twice to make the guard open again. I looked plainly ahead, ignoring the guard and Kakashi. I felt so stupid in the new clothes that it made me want to puke all over it… I looked like a leaf ninja.

"Come" Kakashi said, as I had an eye-battle with the guard.

Outside I had to narrow my eyes and put an arm over them to shade from the sun. Everything seemed extra white and bright, and I had to stand a few moments to get used to the pricking in my eyes. By the entrance where Kakashi was heading in front of me, stood the bright blonde Naruto smiling to his teammate the Pinky girl. Her laughter filled my ears though I couldn't see her face properly because of the sun.

"Shut up you idiots, she's coming" the one called… Sam? Saburo?

"Of course Sasuke"… Oh yeah, that was his name. The kids shushed in each other as I took in a deep, hungry breath of fresh air and began to walk again, the colors of my vision settling to normal none-bright colors. God, it was nice to breath in the fresh air. It was like it cleaned my lungs for the dry old air that had been in my cell.

I stopped by the entrance of the prison, looking at the three (well mostly two because the Sasuke kid was partly looking at me and the ground) faces staring at me. The pinky looked somewhat intimidated cause her eyes were big and round and she held her hands like a hamster. Naruto's eyes were staring at me so intensely that his eyes seemed to appear as simple lines. He pouted as if I'd offended him, and his posture was very stiff. Kakashi stood on my other side, looking dumb-founded at the kids and me. I snorted and rolled my eyes away from Narutos while crossing my arms.

"Guys, we talked about this." Kakashi said to the silent team. He'd expected them to react this way even though he'd just had a talk with them about Toshi.

He had thought that involving the team with Toshi would ease the progress and make it less weird. Of course he had told them it was some kind of mission to get them more enthusiastic about it even though Naruto would've agreed in the first place. He didn't know Naruto that well yet, but he was good at reading people and he could tell that one of Naruto's "unique powers," was that he seemed to change the world views of everyone he met, and inspired courage for the future within them. When he looked at Toshi, she looked more than reluctant to hang out with the team though. It almost stirred up a headache, just the thought of getting Toshi to even smile. He realized that he had to start from the bottom and make her comfortable, or just a bit happy about another person. And the easiest way was to get her to like at least one of the kids from the team, or him for that matter.

I cocked an eyebrow at Kakashi. What'd he mean about 'we talked about this'? 

"What was your name again, lady?" Naruto asked, his voice harsh yet suppressed.

"Why does it matter?" I asked him, sending him a smug glance. Naruto seemed to drop his guard some more and looked at me dumbly

"We're kind of, like, going to hang out." He said and scratched his head.

"Naruto!" Sakura muttered and elbowed him, before she smiled wide and put out her hand out to shake mine.

"I'm Sakura Haruno" the girl I before had labeled as timid and scared now smiled to me with her green eyes. I pouted; it was quite uncomfortable to have her being so polite to me. Fine! She could have her way!

"Toshi" I muttered darkly and took her hand to shake it once. The girl nodded in recognition and put her hand behind her back and swayed a bit on her toes.

"Toshi, I like your hair color." she said. I couldn't catch any trace of phoniness in her and it gave me the chills. No one had said to me that they liked my hair.

"Let's get going before Toshi gets all sentimental." Kakashi said before I could say anything. His voice was now… How could I put it? Relaxed and warm as if he was enjoying the moment…

I walked silently behind the group with the pain as a constant reminder that I couldn't do anything but walk stiffly around. Perhaps he had taught me a lesson that day. I couldn't escape the city in this condition at all. It was my first time actually, to see the city and it was very different from the one I'd been living in. Subtly I took in all the new impressions of the city. It had many small alleys of wooden fences and the houses stood very close together. The buildings were modern, in some way seeming to very up to date. No one of the kids spoke to me and neither did Kakashi for that matter, but I was glad that they left me alone to my own thoughts.

"Hey… Toshi?"

I looked to my side to see the blonde Naruto walk by my side, judging from his tense expression that he had something on his heart.

"I-I'm sorry for blowing up on you that day… um yeah" he scratched his neck and looked ahead again seeming to be a bit embarrassed. My eyes widened slightly because of this. He had seemed completely angered at me not long ago and now he was apologizing. I didn't know what to answer to that. No words came to my mind at all.

"Um…" I stopped when I lost Naruto's attention.

"Naruto!" a voice of a smaller kid called out from behind, but I didn't bother to look and just shrugged the apology off. Naruto trudged backwards by my side as he yelled

"Hey Konohamaru!" he shouted and waved with his hands. I rolled my eyes and looked elsewhere.

"Catch!" I only heard this subconsciously and was too absorbed in my own world to actually figure out that the kid – Konohamaru – was throwing something in Naruto's direction. The next thing I knew was that something hard hit my back, and though it was a light force it was enough for me to go into a state of physical shock, because of the shooting pain I suffered under. I held in a growl, biting my lip while trying to hold a brave face but exceedingly failed.

It was like a chill had run up Naruto's spine and he clenched his teeth tight, looking like he was praying for me to be okay.

"Konohamaru, you have a terrible aim! Look what you did!" he shouted.

Everyone had stopped and now looked at me, tense because of the thought of what my reaction would be. But their worry was unnecessary; I had no intension of blowing up even though I wanted to. The pain was simply too massive.

"Um sorry Toshi" Naruto said, not knowing what to do. I fell to my knees yet again, crouching and shaking because some of my wounds were reopened. I was usually good at surpassing pain, especially in tense situations. But never had my wounds been so severe.

"_Toshi_" I gasped when a womanly voice spoke in my head. Her voice demanding, and frightening despite the resting silence in her voice. Just like the silence before a storm. Eien no Honou had for the first time since I'd arrived here decided to speak to me in this moment.

"_Get up" _she demanded. When she wanted something, her voice would increase in my head until it was deafening. It clenched my jaw and breathed hard.

"_Have you forgotten what I've taught you?_" she said.

"_The body MUST obey the mind_!" her voice was getting more and more agitated. I had to get up. Her angry voice would haunt me for days if I didn't get up.

"_Pain is a weakness you must ignore. The body doesn't control the mind_!" I took myself to the ears. I couldn't stand her voice when she was angry. It was nightmarish. From the corner of my eyes I could see the team gather around me, questioningly looking at me. But I couldn't hear a word of what they said.

"_The body MUST obey the mind_!" her ferocious lion-roar was evident in the base of her shouting voice. With a few quick breaths and then one deep, I struggled to me feet again, her intense watchfulness disappearing like a gust of wind.

"Toshi, are sure you're healthy enough to be walking around?" Kakashi looked at me, seeming to be a little bit flabbergasted about me sudden breakdown.

I clenched my jaw tight as his voice broke through my ears and all the noises of the city began to come back again. I needed a shower if my wounds were going to heal faster… And if I wasn't going to grow swamps on my feet.

"Do you know a place where I can shower or get clean?" I asked through gritted teeth, ignoring his stupid question. Of course was I healthy enough. I could push through anything.

I folded my arms and looked coldly into the distance. Embarrassment filled me when I thought about the day, 5 days ago. I'd always been taught to ignore pain and just fight. But somehow I slipped and ended up being defeated. Was I becoming soft? Or was he just such an excellent ninja? I eyed Kakashi briefly when I didn't get an answer and he seemed to be a little irritated because of my stubbornness. 

"Sorry again" Naruto said and put a hand on my shoulder to force a reaction. I jerked a bit under his touch, not being used to being touched in general. He removed his hand immediately as if he'd touched something electric.

" Well… We could go the hot springs" he suggested shifting a bit to see what the kids thought about the idea.

"Yeah! The hot springs! Way to go Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto jumped into the air and began trotting on his place while smiling like a maniac. I was sure that his cheeks were a bit red, but it was probably just me who wasn't used to the lighting yet.

"Wait, you haven't had a bath since you got here?" Kakashi asked, his gaze sickening a bit when he looked me up and down.

"Do you think I look like this?" I snapped angrily and pointed to all of me.

"Well, um—"

"I did…" Naruto's kind of innocent voice cut through the awkward silence. I swore that everyone would slap themselfes hard at their foreheads, if they didn't do it already in their minds. Only Sakura did it visibly while muttering something incoherent about Naruto.

I followed behind the team as we went from roof to roof. Again I had to ignore the pain which I did quite well. Naruto kept trying to talk to Sasuke but he simply didn't seem to listen to the poor boy. We ended up somewhere in the outskirts of Konoha, having crossed the whole city in minutes. Hot springs where nice, but I wasn't quite comfortable with them. I preferred to have my own, or sit in a dark corner by myself. Steam floated lazily up from the behind the house and a few birds chirped peacefully. Finally a place where I could truly relax.

"Okay… Sakura and Toshi you go to the girls room" Kakashi waved the two boys over to himself as they disappeared behind a door, leaving me alone with Sakura.

I followed her silently into the bath-house knowing that she was very nervous about being alone with me. After all did we all know that she couldn't stop me if I tried anything. But me knowing that the jounin was on the other side of the wall made me humble as a dog.

"No. Don't tell me that this is a mixed bath?" I sighed taking a look around the room.

There was a strong scent of herbals in the steamed air, and it was quite empty. There was one woman changing her clothes and then a couple of occupied spots with clothes around the wooden room. Sakura seemed very stiff and tense as she began to undress. I couldn't care less though. I'd been to a hot-spring two times…

"I don't like the mixed baths either. But I guess that Kakashi-sensei choose this one so he could keep an eye on you" Sakura flushed a little bit and stuttered.

"You know, so you don't run away" she whimpered afraid of saying something that would push some of my buttons. I raised an eyebrow

"I wouldn't have considered him a pervert until you stuttered like that" I said biting my lip annoyed. Sakura flushed again and looked away from my eyes while pouting

"All guys a perverts somewhere deep down" she muttered seeming to recall some memories which she should (please) keep to herself.

"Those white bikini-things over there are for those who don't want to be naked" she said turning around to finish off.

"Think I will go with the bikini" I said, feeling an uncomfortable feeling spread in my body. As long as people just stayed away from me out there it was no problem.

It took a little bit longer than I'd expected to change cause I had to remove the bandages as well. Since there was a very good layer around my upper body I probably caused Sakura some impatience but she waited patiently though. Kind of weird to have someone wait for you.

She smiled timidly when I was finished and opened the door to the hot-spring, disappearing into the steamy air. I stood in the door way and checked the surroundings for any familiar chakras. Apparently it seemed like me and Sakura were the first out and the boys were still in changing. And I thought girls were slow. I twisted my hair in my fingers and places it to the left side over me breast so it wouldn't get in the way of my wounds.

"Are you coming Toshi?" Sakura called and I could only see her dimly by the edge of the hot-spring, thanks to her pink hair.

I walked over the wet stone-floor, my feet making splashy sounds as I did. I scowled around one last time before I let the towel glide of my sore but toned body. Sakura was nowhere to be seen now, the hot-spring being very large apparently. I dipped my toe in the warm water to feel the temperature. It was hot, just like it was supposed to be and I plopped my legs into the water which embraced my legs with warmth and comfort. I sighed in relief, taking in a deep breath full of heavy steam and herbs. But I hesitated with the rest of my body; there was no question about how much the hot water was going to sting in my wounds. Slowly I lowered myself to the waist, breathing out a heavy relief again. The warm water felt so good around my abdomen. It had been a long time since such a nice sensation had filled me. I could skim a few figures of people around the hot-spring and looked for a nice corner I could sit and relax in. Then a giggle broke the silence… Naruto's giggle, followed by several footsteps across the wet stone-floor. A rush of panic ran through me and I plumped quickly down into the water without any second thoughts, hoping to hide myself and my body and immediately beginning to walk through the water. I bit my lower lip as I noticed how the water was biting my wounds.

"Shit, you moron." I cursed for myself as I moved through the water to find a safe spot.

I found a nice spot under a large bonsai-tree still trying to get me body used to the hot temperature. I lowered myself as much as I could into the water, avoiding the stone edge behind me. It wouldn't feel very good if leaned up against it with nothing on my back.

I heard Naruto let out a long moan when he entered the water and I immediately tensed up as I saw his and Sasuke's figures in the steamy air. A moment after Kakashi's tall figure appeared in the steam only as a black shadow moving by the edge of the water. I looked away and moved uncomfortably; every time doing that feeling my wounds burn slightly until they became a subtle tickling. I dipped my hands in the surface of the water and cleaned my face from all the dirt that was stuck there. I felt unusually vulnerable compared to what I would usually feel and it was probably because of my knowing of someone in the hot-spring that actually knew me and wasn't afraid to talk to me… Like, the thought of someone coming over and talk to me like they were actually interested.

"Hey Toshi are you okay?" I jumped as Naruto's voice suddenly spoke close by, and when I looked down was he right by my right side, lingering by the surface so only half of his face was visible. I moved instinctively to the side. He was way too close!

"Huh?... What?" he asked dumbly, his words making bubbles in the surface of the water.

"Y-yeah. I'm alright. G-go find your teammates" I stuttered resentfully and crossed my arms.

"Ah, okay." he said loudly and enthusiastically as he made what only seemed as a dolphin jump into the water, daunted splashing water into my face in the process.

Seriously, what a weird kid. He probably felt bad about what happened before, with the ball. I looked after him annoyed and having an uncomfortable exposed feeling inside. I took in a deep breath and relaxed into the water. A cold chill ran through me when memories of the rainy day outside Konoha gates – crossed my mind. I'd been looking into the water and when I absentminded took a peek to the bigger area of the hot-spring and saw Kakashi's figure dimly. I tensed up again and gazed at the rings in the water that hit me which got bigger and bigger; equalizing that he was moving in my direction. My eyes widened as I frantically looked to my sides to see if there was anything I could hide behind.

"Damn it!" I hissed and stayed stiffly under the tree, waiting anxiously for whatever would happen, though I already knew it somewhere in my mind. His figure became clearer and clearer and my body tensed gradually with his appearing.

"Hey Toshi. Mind if I join?" he asked. Okay, he had spotted me.

"Hi… Kakashi." I answered sullenly, feeling like a trapped animal in a corner. Now should I reject him and tell me to get the hell away from me, or should I play brave and just let him sit near me?

"Sure, suit yourself" I heard my own mouth say, spilling out of me like vomit.

I looked up at him terrified of seeing some kind of perverted side of him. Ugh, there was nothing more repelling than men who looked at you the wrong way. But my eyes glad over the visible part of his upper body which made me almost jerk in the water if I hadn't slapped myself mentally.

_What are you doing Toshi? Embarrassing yourself by checking out his body. It's not like you at all_ I shouted at myself angrily, especially because he wore the same plain expression which he did most of the time. _Who's the pervert? _I'd never been to a mixed hot-spring for god sake! I rarely checked out people, there was no reason for it, but this had been quite unintentional.

"hn?" he let out a sound of confusion while I sat there stunned by my own actions.

He's a fully fletched ninja of high class, a professional. Suspecting him for being a pervert (in public, what do I know?) was like suspecting a pig to fly… And why did he wear a mask or a mini-towel when he was in the hot-springs? He sat down by my left side, under the tree as well which was a bit too close for my taste. I turned my head to him, wanting make less uncomfortable.

"Why are you wearing a mask in the hot-springs?" I asked him, looking resentfully out of the corner of my eye.

"Why do you care?" he asked cocking an eyebrow imitating my way of looking at him. I pouted, knowing that he used my personality against myself. As if everything I asked would backfire. I pouted and looked away indifferently.

"Is it because you want to see my face?" he asked, his eyes curving as if he was smiling.

I stiffened and felt unusually hot around my cheeks. _It must be the warmth of the water getting to my head or because I'm not used to people taking any kind of interest in me,_ I thought. I mean, why would I want to see his face? Whatever he was hiding under there it probably wasn't worth wanting to see.

"Um, no it's not you moron" I said, the sentence not coming out as brave as I'd wanted it to.

IF I was blushing was it to my luck that it was impossible to spot in the heavy steam (I'M NOT SAYING I'M BLUSHING!). Kakashi snickered at me which seemed to provoke my temper the slightest. How could he just sit there looking smug and giggle at me like he was somebody important. How I wanted to punch that smug expression off of his face. That would teach him a lesson! I groaned subtly and tried to see if I could rest my back against the stone edge but my wounds were unfortunately still too sore. Kakashi seemed to notice my discomfort cause when I looked at him he gazed intensely at me like something in him was worrying. I felt small and timid under his serious gaze which still haunted my eyes since five days ago.

"Let me take a look at your wounds. It was me who caused them after all" he asked tilting his head a bit towards me.

"Wha-what?" I snapped, looking as if he was kidding me. And he had to be! What was he thinking? Like I would let HIM take a peek at my vulnerable wounds!

"Do I have to repeat?" he asked, eyes getting more indifferent.

"Do YOU have to ask? Why should I trust you?" I asked bewildered and downright violated by the question. He lifted his eyebrows and let out a sound of confusion.

"Why shouldn't you?" he asked. I pouted sullenly not knowing what to answer. It was something I'd asked myself many times. The chances of someone being trustworthy were in reality 50/50 though my own experiences were that the chances of someone being trustworthy were about 99/1.

"And you couldn't have asked me that somewhere else than in here" I snapped, not really having thought through a good answer. Seemingly, I tested his patience on a high level.

"Wouldn't it seem weirder out there? I'm simply offering my help" he said, seeming to move an inch closer to me.

He was right though. The picture of me throwing away my shirt in front of him, in my prison cell just seemed wrong in every way. I frowned and looked into the water. For some reason was there a small ball of guild of being so rude to him beginning to grow in my stomach. Pig-headed I changed my mind and took in a deep breath as I turned around and used the stone edge to support my arm while my back faced him.

"Is it bad?" I asked reluctantly. I couldn't remember one time in my life I'd felt so vulnerable and naked.

The domino effect of the water that moved towards me when he moved made my body's tenseness worsen, only because I knew the one who moved the water towards me. _Strengthen you mind Toshi! Stop your body from acting so ridiculously!_ I thought clenching my jaw tight as he moved closer to me. I moved so I was sitting on my shins so he could see all of my back. He was silent for a while, just scanning my back.

"Hmm" he mumbled his voice deep in wonder.

Then he put two fingers along a scar and that felt as if someone sent a jolt of electricity through me which coursed me to yelp and jerk away from the touch. He snapped his hand away, afraid of having touched a sore spot. I turned around quickly and shook the cold shiver that had run up my spine off.

"Sorry, I'm not used to being touched" I said shrugging on my shoulder. In that moment I realized how soft I was acting and took in a deep breath to man myself up while I slapped myself mentally for beginning to open up.

"You don't say" he said with a cocked eyebrow.

"At least your wounds seem to heal fine, apart from those Konohamaru's ball hit" he said and moved back to his old spot. That distance suddenly seemed to be very far away.

Silence fell upon us, me sitting awkwardly not having anything to rest on, and Kakashi leaning backwards with closed eyes while his arms rested on the stone edge revealing his muscled shoulders and chest more. He looked quite young despite his grey hair color. I rolled my eyes and brushed some wet hair away that was stuck on my face.

"Narutooo!" Sakura's voice could be heard all over the hot-spring and both me and Kakashi looked up.

"S-sakuraa?" Naruto stuttered somewhere. Her raging roar could be heard followed by a splash of some sort.

Someone moved fast through the water, and not a moment after, Sakura appeared looking real pissed. I had to give her credits for that. I didn't think that she had that kind of temper in her.

"Kakashi-sensei can we leave yet? Naruto is such a perv!" she growled, crossing her arms stubbornly. Naruto appeared in the steam looking somewhere between heart-broken and frightened

"Sakura it wasn't me, it was Sasuke" he complained walking up to her side looking like a humble dog.

"Shut up! Sasuke would never do such a thing! Kakashi-senseeei?" Sakura put her hands together in a pleading attempt to convince her sensei to leave.

"Aaw, Sakura" Naruto whined plopping disappointed into the water, muttering something incoherent into the water.

"Well I guess this is enough" he said pushing himself off the stone-edge.

I didn't really want to get up yet, but it would be nice to get away from these uncomfortable situations. Sakura was quick to get up from the water and wrap herself up in the towel, followed by Sasuke and then a sullen Naruto. I wasn't very comfortable with getting up in front of the others and waited subtly under the tree as Kakashi lifted himself up.

"Need a hand?" he asked politely and offered me his hand, bowing down in front of me.

"I can get up myself" I said resentfully and pushed his hand away turning my back to him.

"Well okay" he said indifferently and left me in brooding silence.

Seriously, how could I just have let a stranger take a look at my almost bare back? What was wrong with me? Was this how I was when people were nice to me? Was this really my true persona? Why had I never prepared myself for such a situation! Now I just looked like a complete moron, whenever I opened my mouth. I sighed and lifted myself slowly up from the water, making sure that my wound were okay and then wrapped a white, soft towel around my sore body. I tiptoed inside and over the wooden floor looking around to see if there were others in the room apart from Sakura, who was almost ready. How long did I wait in there?

Sakura glanced absentminded up at me and suddenly seemed to have a hard time with not staring at me, her eyes flickering back and forth from her clothes and me. I tried to ignore her sudden change in behavior

"Toshi?" she asked

"That's me?" I said indifferently as I tried to find head and tail in my bandages. Sakura seemed to consider her words cause there was a long pause before she spoke again.

"What?" I asked getting impatient with her intense staring. Did I have something in my face?

This seemed to make her snap out of it.

"Um, you just look different when you're all cleaned… Like, really pretty" she said sounding somewhat amused.

"Erh… Thanks… I guess" I muttered, scowling suspiciously down at her for a moment.

Sakura waited patiently for me by the exit as I tried to wrap up my body and then take on my clothes. It was apparently a longer process.

.

Outside stood Kakashi with Naruto and Sasuke, waiting for the two girls to come out. He leaned up against a railing taking some time to read his book while he could.

"Why do girls spent so much time in there?" Naruto groaned and crossed his arms impatiently.

"You'll probably find that answer yourself when you grow up" Kakashi said, lifting his eyes over the edge of the book.

"Huh… You know? Tell me tell me tell me tell me?" Naruto suddenly hopped enthusiastically in front of Kakashi, hoping that his teacher would tell. Kakashi moved a bit to the side to avoid the eager kid 

"Easy Naruto" he said looking at Naruto as if he was dumb.

"Hey guys!" Sakura called from the entrance of the bath-house.

Kakashi instinctively looked up to at Sakura and the blonde woman behind her… Naruto went silent and narrowed his eyes to, approximately, identify Toshi who was walking sullenly behind Sakura. She must've been very dirty, cause she looked completely different from before. She was actually kind of beautiful. Pretty enough to stand out in a crowd of other girls. He watched her silently as she neared, taking a good notion of her looks, cause this what not the picture that came into his mind when someone would mention her. Her long, sandy blonde hair hang mussed and wet down her back and her cheeks were flushing red from the temperature of the hot-spring. Kakashi suppressed an urge to look surprised and glanced down at Naruto and Sasuke seeing that they were about just as surprised as he was… In their own way. Toshi scowled at them when she got closer and when she moved her vicious eyes to his, he felt suddenly intimidated by her and fought the urge to look away in surrender.

"What're you looking at?" she snapped angrily folding her arms.

This time Kakashi looked away at the same time of Naruto and Sauke. It was quite obvious how they all looked at her. How lame… He scratched his neck embarrassed as Naruto looked into the sky and began to talk about the weather. She was Toshi after all.


	4. Air for life Chapter 4

Once again I trudged behind the group, taking random notions of everything around me. My mood had eased a bit, compared to how it was before we had been in the hot-springs – like, grumpy. My mind was still set on finding good ways to escape the stupid city.

"Toshi?" Naruto suddenly walked by my side, looking dumbly up at me. He pulled my sleeve a bit to get my attention and I looked down at him with a groan. What did he want?

"You really look different now" he said in a low voice, as if his mind was somewhere else.

"Naruto, baka!" Sakura shouted and held up a fist towards the bright blonde. I rolled my eyes with a snort. Did I really look that much different just from washing my face off?

"What? Believe it! Am I the only one who thinks she looks different?" he whined looking mostly for a reaction from Sasuke and Kakashi. His jaw dropped when no one even seemed to have heard him, leaving him like an idiot. For some unknown reason it nagged me that they showed him no support. He looked up at me.

"I mean! Did you see Kakashi-sensei's fac—" I moved to the side when Kakashi swooped Naruto under his arm and held a hand over his mouth while laughing as if everything was as normal as ever.

"Naruto don't spit random phrases around you all the time" he said trying to maintain the wrenching Naruto under his arm.

I looked bewildered at both of them. Seriously, what kind of people was it that I had been put under guard of? Kakashi strode a few feet in front of me and put down Naruto whose shirt got half dragged over his head in the process. Kakashi then jumped to a fence (show off) and with a sigh said

"Okay… Toshi, since you're not healthy enough to train with us, you're going back… home" he put an extra pressure on the word 'home' as if he had to spit it out.

No no no, I didn't want to back to that loathsome place! I'd rather be outside… with the team… _That sounded kind of odd when I said it myself._ I tensed up, looking around to come up with some kind of excuse.

"I already feel much better!" I said and began to stretch out my arms to prove that I was (even though I wasn't) feeling better.

The kids looked at me dumb-founded and an awkward silence fell upon the group… A wind picked up the leafs in the trees and a crow cried somewhere in the distance. I scratched my hair and looked at Kakashi's bored expression.

"You think that you're so much better that you can train with us?" he asked cocking an eyebrow, looking at me as if I was dumb… I snorted cockily at his savour comment.

"Yeah, really." I challenged him with my eyes, daring him to believe me.

A sudden tense silence fell upon the group. Kakashi's silver hair swayed when a breeze came across us and though his expression was indifferent I could still feel the tension coming from him. I was about to move my foot subtly and that was all it took to trigger Kakashi into action. I found myself suddenly dodging his kick in the last instant of hitting my face. I groaned in shock trying withhold the force of the kick with my arm. I clenched my teeth hard, as he kept the force against my wrist. The kick had sent yet another wave of pain down my back and after a few seconds he had forced me down on my knees just by pressing his leg against my arm. How unbelievably annoying! He looked at me indifferently which apparently was his favorite expression- and removed his leg when I finally began to gasp. With him in my presence for a longer period I couldn't guarantee that I could keep Eien hidden. Some day, I would just blow up on him, and release Eien. I would totally own him.

I rested my hands on the ground in surrender and scowled up at him

"Still pretending to be tough I see" he said and crossed his arms. I tore my eyes away from him with a frustrated hiss and stood up with a raised head.

"Kakashi-sensei that wasn't fair!" Sakura whined. I snorted and brushed off my knees

"It doesn't matter what he says. I know my place, I know that I don't fit in here and that I'm a burden to everyone… The only reason that I'm here us because of your stupid hokage and because he—" I pointed at Kakashi, looking him directly in the eyes, as though my speech was directed to Sakura.

"- Got stuck with me" I said darkly. Kakashi returned my staring a bit more mildly than mine seeming to comprehend what I'd just said.

"As a matter of fact are you right about what you just said. So nothing has changed…" He said lowering his shoulders and smiling with his one visible eye.

A jolt of sadness swirled up in me for some reason. The way that he just rejected my complain bluntly seemed to somehow hurt inside. I didn't know why… I wasn't attached to him or anything – and THAT was the annoying thing. Why'd feel hurt by someone I barely know? Was this experience really taking more in me than I had realized in the first place? Did I really deep down inside believe that someone was taking an interest in 'me'? I got confused by the situation and I was sure that some of the more aware of the group had caught that up.

"But Kakashi-sensei we're not a burden are we?" Naruto asked. He was so inquisitive of nature.

"No, we're team 7. We fight to protect the ones we love. A concept lost to some people." he glanced over at me as he spoke to Naruto.

My temperament began to burn when he said all those things. I wanted to growl furiously and crush something with my bare hands, cause he was absolutely right! It was a concept I didn't understand, but they did… And I didn't… and they did… I was left out, like usual. I'd never had anyone to care about; therefore I didn't understand what the big fuzz was about – saving other people. But this was what he wanted, right? To get me to think all these things through and to reconsider my way of thinking.

"Can't she just watch us train then?" Sasuke muttered annoyed, breaking the silence.

"That would perhaps spare us some energy" Kakashi said, agreeing with Sasuke… In his own way.

A smug smirk creped on my face as I patted Kakashi playfully on the shoulder (perhaps a bit harder than I'd intented)

"Yeah, that'll be nice." I said, knowing that my sudden complete change in attitude only would get on his hidden nerves.

Yep, it was obvious that something in him triggered though he was very good (I must applause) at hiding it. Treating him with no respect and showing that his small mind-games wouldn't get to me (even though they did) seemed to mildly irritate him.

It took some time to walk to the grassed area of a training field. The area was completely isolated from the noise of the city which I found quite pleasant. Grass and weeds grew freely around the many trees that surrounded the used area, approximately a place that had been used for training for many generations. Naruto walked forwards with his hands behind his head, looking into the blue and cloud-free sky. Sakura watched Sasuke in admiration throw a kunai up and down in his hands as Kakashi walked a bit further away seeming to inspect the field. The sound of the wind in the surrounding trees whistled peacefully in my ears and I decided to settle under the shadow of a large oak tree.

"Okay guys, ninja-rule numer 3; ninjutsu" Kakashi said as the kids gathered around him.

The weather was hot, and the sun stood in high in the sky as I sat in the grass under the tree, watching the team train. I'd never really taken my time to sit and gaze at someone train, forming close bonds together as they were learning. It was like there was this whole other world. Like a small bubble in which they lived peacefully together, every day seeming to go by in a slow and relaxed tempo. Every day being a nice summer-day like this one in this time-capsule where time stood still… I suddenly felt very lonely, just sitting there under the tree like some freak in a sideshow that was doomed to stay in the shadow of their lightness forever… They all had their own personality traits. I even took myself in smiling at Naruto sometimes he was just so charismatic; being very exuberant, easily excitable, impulsive and had a very short attention span. He just had this strong vigour which I could only sit and marvel at. But he was also being relatively naïve, being slow at understanding what Kakashi was trying to teach him. A chill ran through me as a picture of Naruto's angry face ran across the backside of my eyelids. The blue eyes that stared at me and the harsh words that I would never forget. If I ever entered Naruto's mind I was sure that his will itself would burn me out of his mind like a giant flame. Was it the infamous will of fire I was thinking of right now? Behind my eyelids Naruto's face changed form slowly into a grown up. One grey eye and one red eye staring coldly at me. I wasn't able to catch up many things about Kakashi's personality except that he was fairly patient with Naruto… As he had been with me.

Naruto growled in the distance, helping me with snapping out of my train of thoughts. He then shouted something at Kakashi while pointing accusing at Sasuke before stomping off with his arms folded over his chest like a child. He looked really bitter and pissed as he made his way over to me kicking stones randomly away in the process. He didn't even look at me as he plumped down beside me with a "hmpf". I looked at him in marvel, suppressing a mocking giggle that was tickling my throat, begging to come out.

"What?" he snapped at me

"… Nothing." I proclaimed and looking away from him again, biting my lip to suppress that laugh. I didn't know what he was doing to me, he was just hilarious. A gust air rushed into my mouth from my lungs and I had to smack a hand over my mouth, keeping myself from laughing.

"WHAT?" he shouted temperamentally.

I couldn't suppres it anymore. A laugh forced its way out of my mouth and I basically cracked up while holding my arms around my stomach. I laughed with open mouth and smacked my head backwards. Seriously, I didn't know what it was about him that was so funny. At the same time I'd apparently demanded the attention of everyone else around me cause Kakashi, Sakura and Sasuke was looking over at me dumb-founded.

"Who're you laughing at lady?" he shouted and jumped up on his feet. He held a threatening fist up to my face.

I struggled a bit in the try of stopping my laugh and ended up with tears in the corner of my eyes as my laugh fated into a snicker.

"Sorry Naruto" I said and brushed a tear away with my finger.

"Like you can do any better! Mrs-acting-cold-and-cool" he whined trying to imitate a girls voice.

"What did you call me?" I snapped. No I wasn't in my period, my mood is just easy to change.

I don't think I'll ever be able to tell if Naruto actually is going to hit me, but he definitely looked like he was about to. I held up a fist to remind him that he should keep his distance as well, and suddenly without any warning we began to curse at eachother.

"You're avoiding my question, lady!" He shouted, eyebrows furrowed hard down above his eyes. Apparently he had decided to call me lady at times when he didn't like me.

"I don't have to answer it!" I snapped back at him.

We kept yelling at eachother so much that it came to a point where we were arm-wrestling without any table or object under our arms. Naruto growled under my strength, fire spitting out of his eyes. Suddenly Kakashi stood behind Naruto (I'd been too busy to notice his nearing), he pulled the kid backwards by his neck, irritation evident in his eye.

"Stop you two" he snapped calmly.

"But she was laughing at me!" Naruto whined crossing his arms over his chest like a spoiled brat.

"You called me Mrs-acting-cold-something" I said in my defence… As if I really had to defence myself in the first place.

"Maybe because you are!" he snapped back, struggling suddenly to get free of Kakashi's grip.

"You can't deny that." Kakashi said.

"Why do YOU care?" I muttered and crossed my arms like Naruto.

"Well… You're offending one of my students" he said matter-of-factly.

I opened my mouth to say something, but I didn't have anything to say. My mind just seemed to have stopped producing any comebacks. Even though I didn't want to admit it, I knew exactly what about this whole situation that made my temper worsen.

"Okay, just go ahead with the condescending thing… I now I've never had any friend, so I'll never get it, bla. Bla." I said and turned my head away.

"I was never talking condescending … " he said and cocked an eyebrow confused

I'd always learned to detach myself from other people, which was why I had no friends. Eien had always taught me to only depend on myself, and now they were fluttering friendship and good morals right in my face, it wasn't fair! When I had the change I would take the run out of this town! Kakashi released Naruto's arms and forced him to sit down again before sitting down himself in front of me and Naruto. My eyes flickered a bit because of his unusual way of handling the situation, by sitting down like some… Some teacher!

"Sakura, Sasuke, come and join" he said and waved the two kids over.

"Come on, can't we just train?" Sasuke groaned and crossed his arms.

"This is also training Sasuke." Kakashi said and moved to make space for both of them. Sakura didn't budge out of the place before Sasuke rolled his eyes and decided to do as his sensei suggested. I eyed him suspiciously from the corner of my eyes.

"What are you up to?" I asked.

"Why don't you tell us something about yourself?" he asked, smiling with his eye.

I didn't want to share anything with them and began to pout like a child, refusing to say anything.

"Come on we've already done that" Sasuke muttered and looked darkly into the distance.

"Relax Sasuke" Kakashi said glancing over at the dissatisfied kid. Kakashi then looked over at me, his eyes persuading me to spit it out.

"I don't want to tell about myself." I said indifferently with a hint of disgust evident in my face… Seriously. I had a subtle eye-battle with Kakashi for a few moments before he cleared his throat, tired of being patient.

"If I go first will you then?" he suggested. I brooded a bit around his suggestion, and since everyone was staring expectantly at me I decided to reluctantly give in.

"Fine…" I muttered and rolled my eyes at him.

"Okay… My name is Kakashi Hatake. What I like... I don't feel like telling you that. My dreams for the future..hmm... never really thought about that..as for my hobbies... well I have a lot of hobbies." He said taking a finger to his chin.

"Kakashi-sensei you told us the exact same thing! You're so lame!" Naruto shouted getting up on his feet I a split second.

"Sit down Naruto." Kakashi said and pulled down Naruto again.

His way of explaining was just so indifferent and boring that I seriously considered just shutting up.

"What about your past? And your personal life?" I asked him, leaning forward to dare him with my eyes.

In only the blink of an eye his eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly; I almost thought that my eyes tricked me, but he after looked half-asleep as before.

"That's none of your business" he said bluntly, keeping my eyes locked to his.

"Why? Why want you tell? Do have some kind of dirty secret?" I asked cocking my eyebrow. A little voice in my head told me play while the game was still fun, and to turn down the cocky attitude just a tan.

The kids actually looked very curious as well, now directing their full attention to him.

Kakashi felt a bubbling irritation towards Toshi inside of him. Ticked him off a little bit that she was actually getting to him, cause that was what she wanted. When he had seen her laugh he had actually thought that she was already beginning to open up, but as soon as she had stopped laughing her sullen attitude was up in the glimpse of an eye. This only made it harder to collect any data about her. Actually it was like he regretted saying yes to the hokage, but the regret only came in waves. But Kakashi wasn't going to speak about his personal life. He preferred to keep it separate from his interactions with this students, and everyone else for that matter.

"The day you tell me about your past and personal life; I may consider telling you about mine." he answered, knowing that she wasn't going to tell him anything.

I looked at him indifferently but with a slight pout to my mouth. He knew that I wasn't going to tell him anyway. He must be very good at analyzing people…

"Well, we better get you home Toshi" he then said and stood up, brushing off his pants.

"H-home? Aren't you guys going to do some other thing?" I stuttered and looked around me to find something that could entertain the kids.

"Um… No" he answered pleasantly. That left me to only sigh and pout some more like I usually did.

"Well I'll go train some more." Sasuke murmured and strolled off to somewhere with Sakura in his heals.

"Kakashi-sensei? What about treating me some ramen because I've been so good at training today. I promise I'll go train afterwards so I can catch up to Sasuke." Naruto smiled widely to Kakashi, like a really bad attempt to look like happy puppy.

"Hn? You now that ramen isn't food for a healthy ninja. Besides… Don't you have any money?" Kakashi cocked an eyebrow suspiciously at Naruto. His smile faded, replaced by a sorrowful expression as he began to dig after something in his pockets. Automatically I began to tense a little bit, just of pure reflects; seriously, who knew what he had hidden in there? To my relief he pulled out a frog-like wallet which, judging by its flat form was completely empty.

"Look at Gamachan… So hungry." Naruto mumbled looking more like he was speaking his own mind rather than … Gamachan's.

_Cute, he has a name for it_, I thought sarcastically. Kakashi didn't even as much reply to Naruto, he simply pulled out an orange book, placing it in front of his face. I looked at Kakashi dumb-founded as did Naruto. But Naruto broke loose as soon as Kakashi was up standing, sprinting to his side, desperate for food;

"ooh, come on Kakashi-sensei!"

"No Naruto, and stop pulling my vest. You're ruining it." Kakashi made no attempt to get Naruto off of him and yet Naruto just stopped with a pout. He had with no expectations towards me, begun to just walk, probably assuming that I was going to follow… And he was right. With a smirk pulling in the corners of my mouth I began to stroll after the two. Apparently Kakashi was quite irritated when Naruto was barging him too much. Perhaps he got more irritable when he had that weird book?

"So you're a dedicated reader? What kind of book is that?" I asked as I caught up with the two. He didn't even take his eyes away of the book as he answered me.

"M-hm."

"Kakashi?" – it was actually weird saying his name… I looked at him as if he was dumb. He didn't even listen to me!

"Not a book for children." His visible eye curved a little as if he was smiling behind his mask.

"What book is it?" I asked trying to suppres the annoyance that was evident in my voice. But there came no answer… Just me, who looked stupid and awkward as we entered the sandy paths between the houses of Konoha. When I tried to snatch it out of his hands he simply moved it out of the way and then he replied with a;

"Don't even try." And then continue to read.

My insides began to boil mildly; I don't even think that he knew that he was provoking me so much. I looked ahead and took a deep calming breath, uselessly knowing that it wasn't going to calm me one bit. My next approach to his book was more like a hunter trying to get near his pray without scaring it. Slowly I took my hand towards the book, carefully watching for any unpredictable movements, until I got my fingers pressed around the top of his book. I tugged a bit in it to get some life into the man, as I looked at him expectantly. His grey eye wandered (oh my god, it's a miracle!) to mine as he stopped walking.

"Um, what are you doing?" he asked as if he was dense, seeming to be suddenly stiff and if I weren't mistaking – a little bit threatening too.

"You didn't answer my question properly."

"…Release." He said simply without blinking. I looked into the sky and then at the ground as if I was searching for something.

"You know, this isn't a genjutsu." I was referring to his simple choice of words 'release', which ninja's often had a habit to say out loud when they were trapped in a genjutsu and was trying to get out… Enough of that. I tugged a bit in his book again, meeting his stern gaze.

"What'cha reading?" I asked.

"I don't think it's of any of your interest." He answered simply.

"How do you know?" Kakashi finally moved his eyes away from mine, suddenly seeming to ponder about my question.

"Let's just say that you don't seem like the type." He answered.

As I was about to say something snappy, when a sudden reflex pulled my head a little more backwards to observe my current position. It occurred to me that Kakashi had pulled his book closer to himself and that I was following absentmindedly which meant that I suddenly stood uncomfortably close to him (in my opinion). He was taller than me and seemed to suddenly tower over me as he had done in the hospital and at the same time he looked at me in that lazy-ass way. Immediately I took a step backwards while clearing my throat.

"Huh? Do I intimidate you?" he asked, tilting his head a bit to the side questioningly. Apparently he had been able to read the look in my face regardless of how little he knew me.

To get things straight: I know that I act childish; don't misunderstand me, I still don't like the guy… on the contrary.

"Kind of." I muttered as he began to walk again. I turned around awkwardly to follow him, now that I'd let go of his book. He took a finger to his chin and looked in to the sky.

"I usually have the opposite effect on girls." He said, glancing over at me with a hint of a smirk hidden behind his mask.

"I usually HAVE that effect on men." I replied sarcastically, even though it was the truth. If he was as smart as he seemed, he'd probably figured that out himself.

It wouldn't surprise me if he was just bragging smugly. He sure didn't seem like a prince-charming to me.

Kakashi eyed her thoughtfully. He doubted that men were intimidated by her at first sight. She wasn't that tall, not that muscular, not even clumsy. He would bet his sharingan that some of the by passers of the gender male, had already checked her out. She just didn't notice- to his luck. That would probably course some trouble. On the other hand. However; when someone would get her attention, they probably would feel intimidated by her, no question about that. He had a weird feeling about her, she was going to be a bigger handful than he had planned, and he did not mean that in the good way!

As soon as she was beginning to behave better that would mean that she was just like any other woman, and he could back to normal. He sighed inwardly; it probably wasn't as simple as that. He WAS in fact a little concerned about her future. She could easily fall into the wrong hands and being as young and inexperienced as she was, she's (hopefully) easy to shape. Apart from that, was he a little bit suspicious about her abilities as a ninja. If she had managed to kill all those assassins and so on, she was probably pretty strong, right? She just didn't seem that strong. So, was she hiding something?

When she had stepped away from him, suddenly seeming mortified by something he couldn't help but remember what she'd said in the hot springs.

"_Sorry, I'm not used to being touched" _She'd said. Nope, she didn't know how to handle physical contact due to her general lack in human-contact… But would a loner be completely frightened of physical contact? No. Small details could tell much about a person. As a ninja, you always had to pay attention to the smallest of details. She must've been hurt or abandoned at a very young age, left to hate those who abandoned her. He fought a natural habit of putting a finger to his chin. But there was that master she had been talking about who had taught her to be a ninja. What kind of master would teach his student to be so sad, dark, not to mention depressing! She was so fucked up that she couldn't tell when people were genuine or not.

Since Kakashi was so nice to take a slow trip to the prison I took my time as before to actually put together the streets so my sense of direction wouldn't be so damned bad in this city. Children ran in the streets between gardens, laughing and playing games. Some was trying to wriggle out old shuriken that were stuck in the wooden fences here and there. The peace was so far beyond my understanding that I felt misplaced (again) and my mood got more sullen than before. And on top of that I had a highly trained, not to mention weird, ninja guarding me… I wouldn't say 'I was most important mission so far'… Actually he was watching me fairly relaxed and not in the way when you almost feel as if they watch your every little step. Maybe I should be thankful for that? _What am I talking about, there's nothing to be thankful for here!_

"Here we are." Kakashi moved his eyes away from his book and looked up happily. My heart fell all the way down to me feet realizing that we were already at the prison. My temporary home. My shelter.

"I'm so excited." I said monotone and looked at the building, which in daylight was grey.

I tilted my head. I hadn't seen the building from outside in brought daylight and it didn't look as sad as the night I had arrived. A shiver ran involuntary down my spine as memories of the night ran through my body, reliving the pain and the cold air against my skin.

"Come on." Kakashi nodded for me to go follow him. Like I had a choice!

I was 'greeted' by the guards in the usual unfriendly manner, nothing new actually since I already had created quite a reputation amongst the guards since I never left my cell. I doubted that anyone was getting along with the guards though. I wished goodbye to the false freedom I'd experienced today and was lead to my cell by Kakashi and a guard.

"This is pathetic." I muttered and gazed at the grey room which seemed to turn a spark of great irritation inside me.

Kakashi looked at me from the door which was still open, a hint of understanding visible in his eyes.

"Lighten up, I'll see you tomorrow." The door was closed before I even considered answering him.

"Yeah, see you." I said knowing that no one could hear me.

The silence fell upon me once again, in big contrast to the lively streets outside. The new skin on my back tightened every time I moved. I felt as if I could rip it apart as easy as thin paper (yeah gross) which tells a little bit about how vulnerable I actually was. It seemed as if the day today only had been a dream and that I'd just woken up. Closing up again and throwing away the key, everything today seemed as spilled milk.

_Don't cry over spilled milk… It's not worth it._

For the next few days Kakashi came to pick me up at the prison. I found out a major detail about him; he never came at a curtain time, but had better luck with coming at inopportune moments like when I was washing me feet in the sink… (don't ask). At the same time he always refused to tell me when he was coming the next day, and when he finally did pick me up I went with him to watch the team train. I behaved myself mostly, just sitting the usual oak tree, but don't get me wrong. I only behave because of my damned wounds which was getting better day by day. Strangely, because of the daily routine, I found myself beginning to relax around the kids and Kakashi. I was convinced that they all liked me better when I just behaved myself… Well that was no wonder when I think about it. As a side-effect did I become more closed up and silent. When I was in my cell, all of my natural instincts were suppressed and I became more and more agitated by living there. Not only did Eien begin to tense up and get annoyed cause she could feel it, and had urges herself. As far, I just cooperated with Kakashi supposing that he was much stronger than I even though I'd never fought him in full strength, and instead I contented myself with collecting as much data I could, until my 'big escape'. To drive away my boredom in prison, Kakashi had insisted in lending me an 'educational' book which he had claimed to be a book which had taught him a good deal about:

"_The human conditions."_ As he had nicely proclaimed.

Turned out to be a milder form of his own series of the book 'come come paradise' which was called 'What love?'. Apparently about some civilian boy who was quite manipulative towards girls. It came as a shock to me though how this one girl could, like, charm her way out anything. I read it with a grimaced face, turning a page quickly if something inappropriate happened. I couldn't help but wonder if the book was realistic or not and began to compare myself with some of the girls in the book, just in pure wonder of how the - they did it! The more I read of it though, the more I felt alone in the small grey cell. I had no friends like Tadashi (the main character), no one who came to me with soup when I was sick, no one who – I shook my head viciously to get rid of the thoughts. It was a stupid book for crying out loud! I closed the book and shove it under my pillow when I heard Kakashi's footsteps in the hallway. He appeared in the door way with a displeased guard by his side.

"Hello Toshi." He greeted.

I swung a few strands of hair away from my face and stood up, looking at him indifferently.

"Hi again." I greeted back and shifted my eyes briefly to the sullen guard.

As the routine foretold I followed Kakashi silently as he read his book in streets of Konoha.

"You're going to see the hokage today." He blurted out looking at me over his shoulder. His tone suggested that this was serious matters.

" The… Hokage?" I repeated, blinking a couple of times as if I'd been so used to the routine that my mind couldn't comprehend it.

You see, it hadn't really occurred to me that I eventually was going to see the man who had started this thing, who had ordered Kakashi to come and take me away from my home and then watch over me. Kakashi didn't reply but gave me a serious look as if he told me to step it up. I narrowed my eyes and looked towards the big rooftop that was visible almost anywhere you went.

For the first time in a long time I actually enjoyed jumping from roof to roof. My wounds were a lot better and the air felt much fresher up there than in the warm enclosed streets. I fought an urge to release some of Eien's chakra into my legs and I eventually gave into the tickling feeling and let some of it slip into my legs, coursing me to suddenly jump ahead of Kakashi. He easily caught up with me, seeming just as lazy as always even though I knew he was serious about this. At least he didn't seem to be suspicious about my sudden power burst. But as we sprinted along the roofs it slowly developed into some kind of race between which of us that wanted to be in the front mostly. Kakashi had seemed a bit confused in the beginning, but seemingly just shrugged it off and pretended to let it be a nice race for the fun of it. Or so I thought he felt about it.

"I see your wounds are a lot better now." He stated while he glanced over at me. I didn't smile or anything, but he could probably read it by my body language.

"Yeah, I suppose." I said with a shrug, feeling the tiniest hint of guilt in my stomach because I knew the day of my escape was closing up.

I didn't know why I suddenly felt guilty about it. I was actually beginning to doubt if I even wanted to bother with running away, and still I could put no finger on why I had these thoughts! In the beginning it had been because of my stubbornness and pride, and my actual stay at a prison but when I was out here, jumping around the roofs it seemed far away somehow.

"I've noticed your behavior change a lot in the past few days." He stated again, setting off from a roof.

His voice ripped me out of my thoughts and I looked at him, trying not to look stunned about his straight forwardness.

"… You have?" I asked, fighting to look indifferent.

"Yeah… Why is it?"

"This is just how I am." I replied, confused inside of how he could've noticed. I begged; _please just let it go_ as the hokage's building neared. And luckily he did let it go. Seriously, he was so weird. So relaxed and calm about everything. Not quite the impression I'd gotten of him in the beginning.

As we walked through the hallways of the grand building, small flashbacks came rushing to me of the first time I was here. I walked behind Kakashi in silence, horrified of remembering the pain I'd been in that day. I recognized a picture, but I'd seen it upside down, and in a more blurry version. A shiver ran through me as I tore my eyes away from it. Hanging completely limp and helpless in the arms of a superior ninja was just loathsome! I clenched my fist as we stood in front of the door to the hokages, a sudden rage beginning to tickle my insides. Kakashi knocked once and opened the door.

"Fifth, I'm here with Toshi Setsuko." Kakashi said as the hokage looked up from his pile of papers.

He blew his pipe peacefully and patiently as he eyed me suspiciously. His old face reminded me of the old man back in my village who would always tell me to stay away from his roof. I looked down at the floor where I'd been laying, no visible sign of blood or anything that would've suggested that a wounded girl had once lay there. I was disgusted and fought with myself not to show it.

"So, Setsuko, are you falling into place?" the hokage asked.

"Guess I am." I replied with a shrug, receiving a glance from Kakashi, telling me that I shouldn't be rude.

"Aha. Well, why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself?" the hokage pulled out a paper and a pencil ready to take notes.

"I believe that you have all the information you need, from the villager in MY town." I said indifferently, appointing that I wasn't here voluntarily.

I didn't feel like being polite even though I knew Kakashi wanted me to. My temper which had been gone for a while was suddenly back like an uncontrollable flame. Kakashi chuckled apologetic as me and the hokage glared smugly at eachother.

"Why was it again that you wanted - of all ninjas in the world – me to be an ally?" I snapped crossing my arms stubbornly.

Kakashi seemed to be a bit startled about the question cause he looked at me with actual interest, since I'd never asked him that question. The hokage chewed a bit in his pipe suddenly relaxed again and glanced briefly at Kakashi.

"If you must know young Setsuko. You happened to be in a nearby town and instead of killing such a person like you I thought that I would do you a favor and give you some substance in your life." He said raising an eyebrow asking if I was happy now.

But I was far from happy. I was more like pissed off in a degree that couldn't be described. I couldn't fight my expression anymore, and I clenched my teeth hard, as a my eyebrows frowned over my eyes. I clenched my fist tight, suddenly not caring about the consequences of my future actions.

"Excuse me, but could I borrow Toshi for a moment?" Kakashi smiled with his one eye, not waiting for an answer as he took me by my upper arm and pulled me with him, afraid that I was going to do something reckless. I didn't take my eyes off of the hokage as he dragged me all the way to the door and outside in the hallway, closing the door politely behind him.

As he turned to me he suddenly didn't look as pleasant as he had done in front of the hokage. He stared at me angrily like a father that looked at his messy child, except that if you didn't know Kakashi, you would just think that he looked mildly annoyed rather than angry.

"What's going on with you Toshi?" he asked dead serious, frustration evident in his voice. I glared through Kakashi's chest to the door behind him.

"That man gets on my damned nerves." I hissed through gritted teeth. I restrained myself from going further in how I felt right now. That was probably the most sane thing to do.

"Look, I know you don't like him because he was the one who took you away and all that, but seriously… Try to act a little more professional." He whispered loudly as if the hokage could hear us. I thought a bit about his words, finally looking him in the eyes before growling lowly.

"I could just…" I made a hand motion as if I was strangling someone in front of me, failing in not letting the chakra in my hands increase.

"Get it together." He said and put warm his hand in of mine to lower it. It shocked me that my body didn't pull away, but just obeyed as if it was paralyzed by the sudden foreign warmth that streamed through the fabric of his glove.

He stole my focus and made me able to take a deep calming breath, in secrecy trying to regain control of my body again.

"Good" he breathed relived –"Now stay calm." He turned around and opened the door again, the hokage looking up from his pile of paper once again.

"Kakashi, I have a mission for you and team 7, will you call for Sakura, Naruto and Sasuke?" he asked, not seeming to acknowledge my presence. I clenched my teeth again and suppressed the returning anger, coursing my left eye to make ticks a little.

"Sure." He replied pleasantly. I looked over at Kakashi as he suddenly bid his thumb and made a handseal in the blink of an eye, slamming his hand to the ground muttering;

"Summoning jutsu." He said loud enough for one to hear that he was putting some energy into the slam. I'd never seen a summoning jutsu before but had sure heard about them. A puff of smoke blurred into my face and I tried to wave it away, disgusted as if someone was blowing smoke from their cigarette into my face. I still didn't like the spicy smell of ninja-smoke.

But I got a bit startled when a small bulldog-ish dog sat in the spot Kakashi had touched, wearing a blue little shirt, and a Konoha headbang… I looked at it sheepishly, having expected something large and terrifying to pop out of the dramatic smoke-veil. But it was just a bulldog of the size of a rabbit, looking lazy-eyed ahead with the exact same expression that Kakashi had. _I should've figured though. Of course Kakashi is a dog person! He acts like one._

"Pakun, go get Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke." Kakashi commanded, as if though speaking to the dog as if they were equals.

"Kakashi, what do you think I am? Have some respect for an old dog." I halfway caught a gasp when the dog spoke in a rough manly voice as it sent Kakashi a lazy glare before it ran across the floor, nodded to the hokage and disappeared out of an open window. That was seriously the first time I'd ever seen another animal speak… Apart from Eien.

"Was that really a dog? Like, a ninken? (ninja-dog)" I was pointing to the empty window where it had disappeared. Kakashi looked genuinely confused when I asked this question.

"You've never seen a summoning-jutsu before?" Kakashi asked.

"The Ninken are eight ninja dogs which only Kakashi can summon, cause he has a pact with them." The hokage explained monotone.

I didn't know what to answer other than just look thoughtfully ahead as the two other's looked expectantly at me, until an awkward silence fell upon us and I had no reason to look thoughtfully ahead anymore.

"So, um, what about Toshi?" Kakashi cleared his throat finally breaking the silence.

"Well, on the looks of it, she's going to stay here." The hokage answered with a shrug, stating it matter of factly.

"But that'll mean that she's going to stay at the prison without being able to get out." Kakashi said, suddenly seeming as if he had a case to fight. I looked at him quite amused. I didn't think that he had noticed how I hated being in the prison, and least of all had I thought that he would care. The hokage frowned confused, folding his hands on the table.

"Are you saying that you trust her enough to take her with you? I would say that—" The hokage eyed me suspiciously again –"it would be a great risk to take."

For some unknown reason did I suddenly feel myself tense up, curious about what Kakashi would answer. Were we really talking about trust here? Would they really be stupid enough to trust me? It actually startled me that I hoped that he would say no. It would be really disappointing if he already trusted me. But on the other hand… It would be kind of nice to hear that somebody trusted me.

"It would be a good opportunity to teach her about teamwork." He answered simply, avoiding the actual question.

Teaching me about teamwork… Please.

Before the hokage could answer, someone bashed in the door while shouting.

"ARE WE UP FOR A NEW MISSION?" Naruto's naturally loud voice broke the tense air in the room, as he made his entre making sure to get everyone's attention loudly. He marched in with his chin raised high, followed by Sasuke and Sakura.

"Keep it down loser." Sasuke muttered annoyed.

The dog, Pakun, came trotting in after Sakura and judging by its expression was he not the kind of dog that enjoyed Naruto's almighty 'vigour'. The hokage rubbed the bridge of his nose, waiting for Naruto to keep it down a tad so he could continue.

"If you think you can handle her by yourself." He answered with a sigh, only wanting to get rid of the sudden life in his usually so quiet office.

"Is Toshi coming too?" Naruto barged, running up in front of the hokages desk, smashing his hands excited into the wooden desk, coursing a few papers to fall down from their pile.

"Are you coming Toshi?" Sakura looked up at with big eyes. I'd always found her great… interest in me quite peculiar, since I'd never been really nice to her. I looked down at her sheepishly not knowing how to react to the kids enthusiasm (except for Sasuke).

"Yes, she's coming. Now relax you guys." Kakashi shove his hands into his pockets, sighing of his uncontrollable team.

"YEAH! High five Toshi!" Naruto shouted and strode over to me, holding his hand up in the air.

Naruto's high spirit often seemed to catch me off guard, intimidating me to a point where I just couldn't do anything but stand and stare at him. Therefore I just looked at his hand sheepishly, not knowing what he meant with 'high five'. But he just stood there smiling at me like some maniac, until his smile began to fade after a few moments of awkward silence. He frowned blankly, the situation beginning to sink into his mind.

"Toshi… You're supposed to hit my hand." He said to me, as if I was a complete idiot (which I obviously am). I looked at him dumb-founded

"uuum…" I scratched my neck awkwardly realizing that I probably looked like Naruto when he was left dumb-founded.

"Do you want this mission or not?" The hokage snapped suddenly. Naruto turned around suddenly mortified.

"Of course we want it, right guys? What's the mission? Spit it out, please please? Is it an A-ranked?" I'd learned to just ignore Naruto when he was eager. The questions he asked wasn't questions but just statements. I couldn't help but feel a little bit entertained by him even though I knew the others were annoyed beyond the vast sky.

"It's a C-ranked mission—" Naruto interrupted with a disappointed growl and then a "aaaw."  
The hokage cleared his throat once before continuing.

"You're assigned to escort the musician Misaki Mai, to the village hidden in the grass." The hokage flicked through some papers and looked over at Kakashi.

"You'll meet her by a small resident east of the grass-country." He carried on.

After that we gathered in the hallway, Naruto complaining about the low rank of the mission, and how the hokage underestimated the team.

"Listen up, I'll meet you at the gate in… 10 minutes. And don't be late." Kakashi said

As far as that, did the kids run away to get some of their stuff and I did of course follow Kakashi. I fell in silence pace behind him through the streets. I had a hard time to believe that he trusted me enough to take me with him.

"We'll just head past the Konoha Ninja-Clothes Suppliers and Department to get another headband. This is not suited for a mission, and I can't show you my apartment." He said as he stopped and looked over his shoulder to give me an ensuring smile.

I was never really sure if he smiled genuinely or if he just did it because he was SUCH a terrifying good manipulator. And I'm serious about that. I'd seen him train with the kids, and I weren't even sure that they knew that he had a sharingan – but he could trick them easily.

"Whatever." I answered and stuffed my hands deep into my pockets and looked somewhere else than that thing he did with his visible eye.

He'd never taken me anywhere else but the training field and the hot springs, but this was a larger building, containing the basics of clothes and weapons that a ninja needed. He was lead in to the stock with no hesitations, respected and well-known as he obviously was. The stock was large and dark, awfully silent as our footsteps echoed through the whole building. The lightning was very dim, but apparently Kakashi knew his way…

"My headbands are custom made for me, because of my eye." He said suddenly and stopped to look a shelve through.

I tilted my head and frowned a bit. It was like he'd read my thoughts. I shrugged it off and looked elsewhere indifferently. If I tilted one of the huge shelves I could make a great escape out of here and run off. And then Kakashi would've been left like complete idiot!

"You want be able to find your way out of here." His voice broke the silence once again, this time a bit sharper and I snapped my eyes back his… Two eyes.

In the dull lightning of the stock, I found myself quite startled at seeing the red eye piercing into my own eyes, like back then. It was hidden in darkness by the lighting but the red was clearly visible along with his grey eye, the other half of his face lightened up by the nearest lamp. Stunned and confused my mind didn't came up with anything to answer but to think of what exactly that eye was capable of. Was he manipulating me into thinking that he could read my thoughts? Some kind of genjutsu? Or could he just read my body language very well.

"Do my eyes intimidate you?" he asked narrowing his eyes when I didn't answer.

He stood stiffly in the middle of a movement as if he had to prior my possible-future-actions before anything else. I tore my eyes away and crossed my arms under my chest and looked else were with a pout. I don't think I've ever met someone who was so good at keeping me in place none-violently.

"Of course not." I snorted smugly and leaned against a shelve as he shook his head and continued to dig after his stupid headband.

I think I just had my first moment of actual genuine respect towards him. But it had only been momentarily. Feelings that like were usually trashed right after use, so I went back to my usual brooding mood. The kids were already at the gate while Kakashi and I were about five minutes late. Not that I noticed much, this was nothing compared to his usual showing up at inappropriate times. The kids didn't seem to notice either, to our relief.

"Toshi? How do you feel about going on a mission?" Sakura came to my side as Kakashi gave Naruto some kind of lecture alongside with Sasuke.

"I mean, me and Naruto are really trying to make you feel home. Cause you should feel at home. After all this is our home and you should love it as much as we do." She continued, gazing at the guys with a small smile playing on her lips.

"Um –" I wasn't quite sure what to answer "Yeah, I guess I'm glad to go with you. It's definitely better than staying at the prison. And—" I stopped again not sure if I were giving away too much information about my actual feelings. I actually didn't want to be left alone, and didn't want to admit that either.

"Yeah?" she said, looking up at me expectantly.

"Um, I mean… It's not like I know anybody else here. So no one would come and take me out." _Seriously, I sound like some dog that needs to be walked every day. And if anybody here's a dog it's Kakashi. _

"I never thought about that." She said and put finger to her chin. It was no wonder she seemed so ignorant though. All she cared about was Sasuke and to become a great ninja. I shrugged and looked elsewhere like I usually did.

"And remember—" I felt Kakashi's voice directed towards me and looked over at him with a cocked eyebrow.

"A great ninja must look beneath the beneath, right Toshi?" He looked over at me, Naruto and Sasuke waiting expectantly for my reply. I frowned confused. Why was he even talking to me?

"Sure…" I answered, looking at him as if he was a freak. He was just odd and god damned solemn sometimes.

"Okay let's get going." Naruto said impatiently and kicked the dirt. 

The path the lead away from Konoha was never ending to look at, not to mention completely unbearable. The silence that lingered in group got on my damned nerves, which a lot of things seemed to do today. Walking in the back, I pushed irritated through the kids and marched up behind Kakashi, staring intensely at his neck. Why'd he have to act so cocky and nonchalant all the time? And he even scared back there in the stock! Not succeeding in getting his attention, and marched sullenly up to his side, glancing at him from the corner of me eyes.

"Eh, what's up Toshi?" he asked, glancing back down at me, walking casually with his hands shoved into his pockets.

Kakashi didn't seem like the guy to hold a grudge against someone, but there was some kind of negative tension streaming out of him towards me. I grunted a little, my eyebrows naturally frowning downwards as I looked at him from the corner of my eyes. Suddenly I felt like pushing him, shoulder-pushing him, to ruffle that nonchalant exterior of his, and did so. It was a push that was strong enough to make him stacker sideways a couple of steps.

"What was that for?" he asked confused as he caught his balance and continued walking.

"What was what for?" I asked grumpy, like I'd done nothing. Couldn't he just let me push him without asking questions?

He cocked and eyebrow at me but didn't reply. It seemed to me that he got lost in thoughts, but caught me off guard when he took a step towards me to push me back. Instinctively I swooped forward just in time so the poor guy just took a step to the side expecting some kind of impact, but ended up halting to the side like when I'd pushed him. Skilled as he were he gain balance quickly (cause that takes a lot of skills…). I bit my lips to hold in a laugh as he cleared his throat and walked past me again. I kind of felt bad for him. No erase that, I didn't feel bad for him, I'm not capable of that! (Believe it! As Naruto would say). Kakashi looked at me as if he didn't get me at all, which he probably didn't either.

"Yeah you better keep walking." I said cocky and followed him with a smug grin plastered in across my face. I couldn't help it. It was the first time I'd seen him awkward.

"I see." He answered simply, acting all mature and raised. I snorted at him and shrugged, he was such a bad loser.

We walked for some time in silence, the kids for once being silent and focused. I felt quite casual despite having Kakashi walking next to me in his usual relaxed manor.

"What is the most important thing to remember on a mission, Toshi?" Finally Kakashi broke the lingering silence with a random and casual question. I cocked an eyebrow at him; he could've just asked me about the weather or something.

"Um—" actually I'd never really given that question a thought before.

"To know your opponents?" I added scratching my head in thought. There was probably some catch to his question. That was pretty typical him.

"Uh uh uh uh, I know!" Naruto came sprinting up to our sides jumping with his arm marked in the air as if he was in class.

"Naruto, this question was for Toshi. She's not as smart as you are." I caught the sarcasm in Kakashi's voice, but as anticipated did Naruto not catch it. He ruffled Naruto's hair and the kid smiled victoriously up at me, folding his arms proudly over his chest.

"Well then I don't know." I shrugged and rolled my eyes subtly at Naruto and looked into the trees on my left side.

Stopping suddenly and slapping me mildly at my shoulder to demand my attention, Kakashi put his two index fingers together up in front of me. I frowned confused, was there something wrong up there? Did he not drink enough water before he left?

"Hn." The familiar 'hn' sound escaped his throat as he moved his fingers together from eachother, still holding them up. He then moved them together again. I couldn't do anything else but look dumbly at his fingers, almost getting cross-eyed every time he moved them together. Was it me who was dumb? I looked into his eyes to read his expression. Was he making fun of me?

An uneasy feeling suddenly seeped through my body, and both our expressions changed drastically. Something – no – someone was hiding in the trees nearby. Kakashi glanced to the side with narrowed and alert eyes. I was sure that he could feel the same as me; that it wasn't just one ninja, but four.

"How's that supposed to help?" Naruto snapped annoyed looking dumbly at Kakashi. Naruto was somewhat naïve. He hadn't noticed anything as anticipated.

"Shut up Naruto!" Sasuke hissed being the smart one in the bunch, or at least, the most alert.

Kakashi straightened himself and suddenly moved his gaze over my shoulders with a small gasp. And I could feel the creep of being watched, the rising hair in my neck in the small moments that passed as Kakashi had his eyes on them and I didn't. My body went suddenly numb in anticipation and excitement of the battle ahead.

"Show yourself." Kakashi shouted and I was finally able to turn around in the direction of the men.

My sight wasn't as good as Kakashis, so I was yet to see them. But I could feel the living breath of a mind and ideas, calculations… I could feel it all like an extra sense Eien had blessed me with. The urge to fight began to pulsate in me, filling my veins with the drug-like adrenalin, creating a rising obsession in which my mind and body couldn't defy. Eien was thirsty for a real battle and I was the puppet which she took it out on. A ninja in his forties landed on a branch nearby. He wore clothes of natural colors and looked rather deshevelled just the way I'd done when team 7 had found me. His nose was a bit gnarled to look at and right under his nose was a smirking smile of superiority.

"Give us your valuables and we'll spare your life." He grinned down at me baring his teeth, showing that he was missing one. I turned around some more trying to hold me expression stern and cold so no one could see what kind of explosions that was really going on inside of me.

"I don't think we have anything in your interest." Kakashi answered simply with a pleasant edge to his voice like usual when he was in tense situations. The ninja lost his confident smirk for a second as Kakashi spoke and then snapped back:

"I don't believe that. Do you want to be killed? You see, I don't like liars." Either way was this ninja really ignorant and incompetent, or he was perhaps strong enough to take us all on… I mean, couldn't he see that we were Konoha ninja's? It occurred to me that this ninja perhaps were stray, just as I had been… are? I felt weird somehow, to be in reversed roles. I could totally see myself stand there; ready to rob whoever was unlucky enough to pass by me.

"Well that is sure a misfortune." Kakashi answered, stuffing his hands into his pockets. I couldn't grasp how he could be so relaxed. Had he already figured out their strength? I was still very bad a reading him in tense situations.

The kids slowly walked closer to me and Kakashi, already having drawn their kunais. I didn't have any weapons on me, never had. So I would have to use whatever was available, my fists and my jutsus.

"Give us the girls." The ninja looked down at me with that really WRONG look plastered across his face. Ugh, what a pervert. Now 4 more ninjas came into eyesight and each side of Kakashi and I. They were just about as gnarled and deshevelled as the 'leader' of the pack.

"That's it, I'm charging." I hissed to Kakashi and crouched animalistic as I did instinctively, whenever I felt threatened.

"No Toshi, wait. We need to—" Kakashi's voice drifted away from my hearing as I launched forward to attack, unable to control the bloodlust instincts that craved me to go insane and make the adrenalin pump even more.

It only took one quick move to appear in front of one of the ninjas, launching a fist for his face. As I'd predicted were the ninjas not one bit as clever as they looked. He was too slow to move and was sent flying of the branch he had been standing on. I took his place on the branch, panting in excitement of the battle. The kids charged for another ninja at the time, just as Kakashi launched for the third. My mind began to spin with the possibilities of what I could do to the last man standing. The leader. I dashed forward to the opposite side of the road, but this guy seemed to be a bit more skilled cause he dugged quickly when my foot lashed for his chin. He seemed nervous though and I could only imagine why. I probably wasn't a very pleasant when I was in this mood. He drew a kunai and lashed for my ribs. Compared to Kakashi did this man suddenly seem quite slow and I easily dodged.

We both headed further into the forest; he was good at hiding I would give him that. I considered using a genjutsu. Eien's special abilities were after all to go beyond the boundaries and walls of the mind – therefore was genjutsu also one of her great abilities. There was the sound-type which was most effective, and of course the normal kind which I rarely used. Firstly I would have to get eye-contact with him and then pull out as much chakra as I could from Eien so her voice could be heard in the base of my own voice. It was all about tricking the victim into thinking that you had more power than you actually had. I looked up when he finally launched for me from above the thick treetops. He could his taijutsu and we battled, almost danced over eachother for a few moments before we both separated onto each tree. He stood on a branch panting hard, and I stood on the side of a tree already beginning to gather chakra from Eien.

"_What will the others think, when they see this jutsu?" _How convenient that Eien had decided to talk to me now. I ignored her, and looked up, overwhelmed with power and caught his brown terrified eyes.

I could suddenly see him as clear as Kakashi could see with his sharingan. I could tell all the colors in his eyes and I felt it too. But his mortification worked against him and my trick worked perfectly. Sure Eien could enter someones mind, but if people were very reluctant it could be harder to lock them. But this ninja was completely locked in place. I created the genjutsu by tricking into thinking that I was creating weird metallic sounds around him, shaking and blurring the air around him.

"wh-what are you doing?" he shouted suddenly terrified. Now was my time to erase everything around him. The words had to be confusing but understandable to make it work perfectly. I was close enough to hear him even though the effect worked faster if I stood close enough.

"This is the moments that I take over your mind brain.  
Step into the picture that I paint you to my brain game

I'm testing your dimension, can't keep up with what I create  
I'll break your concentration, imagination with what I make." Eien's voice was more womanly and beautiful than mine even though it came out quite monotone. But it had worked he was completely trapped in a strong genjutsu.

I glanced to my right side and caught Kakashi's eyes from afar. So he had been watching all the time… A held in a growl and snapped my head back to the ninja before me and tore a small stick of the tree furiously. Anything could be used as a weapon. I pulled chakra to my hand and put some of it into the stick so I wouldn't break when I launched forward again and with a vicious growl dug the stick right through his left thigh. Snapping out of the genjutsu he screamed in pain as I landed on a branch behind him. I looked at him over my shoulder to see him crouch down in pain holding his hand over his thigh as if he couldn't believe that a small stick had dug through his flesh and bone to the backside of his thigh. Blood began to seep into the fabric of his trousers.

"What have you done?" he screamed out of pain. His vulnerability made me shiver in excitement and I had to take deep breath to control it.

"Toshi!" I could hear Kakashi call for me, but I couldn't and didn't want to react to his voice. I only barely noticed it.

I turned around and flew right at the ninja from behind. Firstly I kicked him of the branch easily, and then spun around and kicked him forcefully in midair so he flew with a roar through a few branches and landed on the sandy road. He glad a few feet through the sand and whimpered in pain when he stopped, still trying to supports his hurt leg. I jumped to a branch nearest the road and looked down at the ninja. He looked likewise up at me looking as if he was beyond terrified. I chewed the inside of my chin seeming to be bored even though I wasn't. Both Kakashi and the kids all looked at the ninja as if they couldn't believe their eyes. It was probably the first time (since I'd started training with them) that they witnessed what I actually was capable of. Kakashi looked genuinely startled but not impressed.

"Why don't you hand over YOUR valuables?" I shouted to the ninja who was looking mortified back at me. I jumped fast down to him and looked at him coldly placing my foot on his neck and pressed mildly to threaten him.

"Toshi, let him go." Kakashi's voice caught my ears. He couldn't control me now! Irritated and with adrenalin still running trough me system I responed by gritting my teeth and strengthen the pressure on the ninja's neck.

"Please don't kill me." He begged and took a hold of my ankle.

Without realizing it, Kakashi suddenly came to my side and took a hold of my leg while he pushed his elbow into my ribs, trying to ease the pressure of the ninja's neck. He caught his eyes, annoyed, as he stared back at me. I began to put more pressure into my foot again as Kakashi had to use more strength to held it away from the guy's neck. We had an intense glaring contest.

"Stop it Toshi! Are you deaf?" Kakashi groaned through what could only be gritted teeth.

His words only sank in slowly while a saw that his eyes wasn't glaring at me but looked at me in a kind of disappointed way. Instinctively I lessened the pressure again, realization beginning to sink in to my mind.

"Toshi, stupid lady! Didn't you hear Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto shouted at me furiously in his usual manner whenever he lost his temper.

He ran to me and hooked himself to the arm that wasn't trying to push Kakashi away – and began to drag in me. I clenched my teeth hard together, glancing down at the persistent boy. Not a few seconds after, Sakura and Sasuke decided to join and hooked themselfes to Naruto like a thick robe dragging me to the fullest. I caught the eyes of the ninja I was trying to kill and read his expression. Begging for his life, and clinging to it was all that was evident in his eyes. I had to look away, I'd never really 'looked' at my enemies before.

"It's no fair. Four against one!" I groaned through my teeth, still trying to maintain my balance.

"It's called teamwork!" Kakashi groaned from beside me as he seemed to gather even more strength to force my foot away.

And so he succeeded. Giving up, me and Kakashi's match in strength didn't add up one bit, and I flew to the side the kids were dragging me in, and tackled them all through the air a few feet and landed with a harsh bump on top of all of them with a grunt and some confused shouts from Naruto.

"Fat pig." Naruto groaned from under me, and I was just about to say something snappy when I saw out of the corner of me eyes, that the ninja limped to his legs, going for the escape. I tried awkwardly to get up from the wrenching and complaining kids, but didn't have any luck with running after him cause Kakashi appeared in front of me before I could take one step.

Since when did Toshi grow so strong? Kakashi was utterly confused. Sure he had fought against her, but placing a simple stick right through a man's leg, without breaking the stick, took a lot of skills. Why hadn't he figured that before he took her with him on a mission? She was out of control. He had expected her to course trouble but not to show other sides of herself, that he didn't even know existed. This also showed him that she didn't know a thing about teamwork or leadership, which he had hoped she would've caught just a hint of when she had watched the team practice. He hated when he had to be violent towards her, but he had no other choice. He moved over to her before she launch for the wounded ninja again, like some desperate predator. He grabbed her collar harshly, coursing her to gasp in shock – and smacked her to the ground to make sure that she would listen.

"Get together! You're a part of a team now! Have you learned nothing?" his voice was under control but more hissing.

He had to knock some sense into her mind somehow. The way that her green eyes stared back at him as if fire was burning on her insides… He felt her leg move and knew exactly in that moment that she was about to kick him. Stunned by her choice of action he jumped backwards, sliding a bit in the sand as he looked startled at her. She lifted herself up on her elbows, glaring madly at him. She didn't even look like herself. What was going on inside of her? Was it that pearl in her neck?

Eien's chakra was like a never ending explosion inside of me, pressing and burning to get out. I breathed hard, trying to maintain her. I could use her whenever I wanted, but mostly when in the heat of a battle she got harder to control. As if some kind of seal or wall got thinner. I moved my body and jumped to my feet, instinctively releasing some of the Eien's chakra that pressed inside. It came out as a lion-roar, blowing some dirt up in the air in the process. The kids scurried to their feet and back away from me, as Kakashi stood still in his place, bend over the slightest, ready for any attack that might come from me. I was frustrated, split between my common sense and my instincts, which I'd rarely experienced before.

"Who are you to decide whether or not I kill this ninja? He doesn't mean anything to you." I hissed through pants

"We're a team, and I'm the team leader. You should do as told. We may not know him, but you should learn the value of a life. He was just a mere thief, who would only be a waste of blood." Kakashi answered and lowered his guards the slightest.

The kids moved from behind me, and over to Kakashi, holding kunais towards me as they protected their sensei from me.

"You'll never get through us. We shouldn't have taken you with us in the first place." Sasuke hissed and glared at me from behind his raised Kunai.

It pulled in me, the way that the kids took Kakashi's side. They looked at me in a way I'd tried to forget. This was between me and Kakashi. Not them. My heart suddenly seemed to ache the slightest and the cold that I suddenly felt calmed Eien's chakra and me. I felt suddenly alone on 'the other side' of an invisible line. I gulped – I'd normally wipe away feelings like that, but it just seemed like I couldn't. I realized that I'd never been more attached to any one – than the four that stood before me, and now they had turned against me… I felt as if my heart was layered with ice, which hurt trough my chest. I remembered all the times I'd felt that way in my village and… What was I doing? My stance relaxed instantly as I relented to my own pity. How could anyone have such big influence on me? I took in a deep breath, realizing that I'd almost forgotten to breath. Perhaps I was on the way to understand the value of a life… I looked down, too scared to face their expressions, especially Kakashi's. I looked stunned at me bruised hands as if they were foreign to me. Eien had completely left me, and I fell to me knees in relief of her sudden absence, it was so hard to cope with.

"What's going on?" Kakashi asked, breaking the silence. I yelped at his voice and looked up and saw how close they were all standing to me suddenly. Kakashi's eyes held no emotions whatsoever, but only and insecure look as if he still were on his guards.

"What was that roar?" Naruto peeped at me face and bend his legs to see better.

"S-sorry." I stuttered and brushed a hand over my eyes. I couldn't stand their gazes.

"Toshi, why did you do that to Kakashi sensei?" Sakura asked innocently, seeming to take greater distance from me than the guys. I felt even worse about her question cause I couldn't explain why.

I cleared my throat. There wasn't anything I could do to make them trust me right now, especially not words. I stood up and brushed my trousers in silence, still avoiding their gazes.

"I-I can't explain it. Please give me a chance to go with you on this mission." I asked politely, probably not sounding as genuine as I would like to.

I dared to look up and caught Kakashi's eyes which looked rather suspicious. After a long silent moment he finally answered:

"Fine. We'll give you a chance. But remember what I told you, to listen to me." His eyes searched me for any enmity but finally seemed to go on with his previous words.


	5. Air for life Chapter 5

I choose to jump a good deal behind the team, this time, so I could brood in my own embarrassment. I didn't want to feel embarrassment, but unfortunately I did. We headed through the trees in high speed, everyone keeping silent. The mood was just filled with awkwardness. No one knew what to say, so it seemed, and Kakashi didn't seem to take any kind of notion of me. The forest had become thicker and more vigorous. The air here were more moist and it seemed that we had gotten pretty for into the mountains. I could feel the kids gaze around at me now and then. Why they did it, didn't I know, I could come up with a dozen of reasons. We just jumped for hours through the trees, and the steady rhythm made me relax more and more. But evidently Sakura choose to trip a bit on a branch, but caught her balance quickly again. We all stopped automatically to see if she was okay, but only received a sheepish smile from her.

"Um, sorry, guess I'm beginning to get a little tired." She grinned and brushed the back of her hair. Kakashi looked up through the petals to check out the sky.

"Well, let's set camp for now then." He answered, looking over at me briefly. Naruto yawned and stretched his arms out.

"Yeah, it would be good with a quick nap." He said and grinned.

I looked down at the branch I stood on, still avoiding their eyes. I couldn't figure what've held me back from attacking Kakashi. It was all very foreign to me. We all followed Kakashi through a couple more trees before we jumped into a clearing. The air had a nice temperature and there in the clearing were a perfect spot for camping. Being in a thick forest like this made the earth under us dry but soft. I found that we were on a steep on one of the mountains, and thanks to a large flat rock, we would have a great view down into the small valley. Stunned by the place I walked to rock and looked over the edge to see one of the most astonishing things I'd ever seen in my life. On the opposite of the valley were a thundering waterfall which blew a fresh breeze into my face and played with my hair. The waterfall was yellow from the setting sun as if it was made of pure gold. We were pretty high up in the mountain cause we could look down at the waterfall from this spot. I simply plumed down on the stone to watch the sight in pure wonder. The kids came to my side, every harsh feeling forgotten and gawked by the sight. Sakura was nearly blushing over the sight and even the quiet Sasuke looked amused by the sight. Kakashi came walked up on the stone as well and placed himself somewhere behind us. I glanced back at Kakashi and saw how his eyes glittered peacefully. I found myself mesmerized by his expression for a few seconds before I looked back again.

"Wauh." Naruto whispered, as if afraid that the waterfall would fall apart anytime soon.

I smirked for myself and allowed myself to relax. I'd never realized how nice it was to share a beautiful moment like this with others.

"Look, it's down there, by the restaurant we're supposed to meet Misaki Mai." Kakashi said and walked to our sides, his eyes moving over the landscape of the golden waterfall and the blue mountains in the background. I could barely see it in the lightening, but he pointed to a small wooden house which went halfway out of the edge of the waterfall. Naruto squeezed his eyes together and excitement, as if he were about to explode.

"YAY! What about we buy some food and check out the waterfall?" Naruto almost screamed as he looked at Sasuke and Sakura.

Sakura smiled excited, but smacked a hand to her mouth before she said anything, waiting (as anticipated) for Sasuke's answer.

"Hmpf, what's so great about that waterfall anyway? We can watch if from here." Sasuke answered and crossed his arm looking… um… capricious? Sakura looked over at Sasuke a bit disappointed and then turned to Naruto.

"Yeah what were you thinking?" She snapped at Naruto. I could never seem to understand her. She could be so mean to Naruto.

"Oh come on, just because Sasuke don't want to go…" Naruto answered timidly.

"Who said I didn't want to go?" Sasuke answered and actually for once smiled genuinely. To think that such a serious child actually had that tiny splint of happiness inside of him, made me think of myself… (No, I'm not vain!) Naruto smiled wide and clapped his hands once.

"Then what are we waiting for?" Naruto shouted and turned on his heels, and jumped high into the air and then over the edge of the steep.

Sasuke jumped enthusiastically after Naruto, and Sakura followed a bit confused after the two boys. Poor girl. So confused.

"Hey! Remember to buy some food for me and Toshi!" Kakashi yelled after them without getting any response back.

I looked after the kids with a small smile in my face, as I realized that I and Kakashi had shared a long silent moment together. When I became aware of that I felt awkward immediately. I glanced over at him reluctantly and met his eyes insecurely. He looked just as uncomfortable as I felt.

"Great view." He said, and tried to smile with his eyes.

Come one. Seriously, did he really have to pull THAT off again. He could've just asked me about the weather. Damned I hated small-talk.

"Um, yyeeah… Shouldn't we gather some wood or something? Before it gets dark." I asked looking up at him seriously. I wasn't in the mood for fun or chitchat right now.

"Good idea." He answered simply and pulled his beloved book out of his pocket. I shrugged and stood up to make hand-seal for making a clone. I seriously just wanted to get away from the awkward situation.

"Okay, I'll go that way." I said as a perfect clone appeared beside me.

"Fine." He answered and made a clone himself and disappeared into the forest.

He wasn't the type to feel awkwardness, especially not with girls. And he shouldn't feel awkward. He had known her for over a week now, and had seen her everyday, so why this sudden awkwardness? Luckily for him was he good at hiding it, and just put on his usual laid back attitude. When she gazed over the waterfall she looked mysterious, as if she knew everything about the forest and possessed a lot of ancient secrets. He couldn't tell where that knowledge radiated from, but there was this aura around her. Perhaps it was just the lighting from the sun. He had moved his eyes to her neck; he couldn't see the pearl for the golden hair but it was still a mystery to him. Sometimes when he was with her, he thought that he couldn't live up to the reputation of being a notorious and feared ninja. He couldn't even open her up one bit, to tell him about that damned pearl in her neck. Nonetheless had it been reckless to take her with them on a mission. She didn't know one thing about teamwork, and that could be a big disadvantage. And she had become stronger than he had expected. He was afraid he was going to fight her again. The time he had spent with her had made him even more irritated because she just wouldn't open up one bit and at the same time he had become somewhat intrigued to find out more about her. But he couldn't expect her to learn so quickly – not from a war orphan who probably had gone through a lot of suffering – like her. Her eyes didn't hold any kind of emotion as usual which didn't suit her otherwise beautiful exterior.

There were plenty of wood in the thick forest. The hard thing was to find something that wasn't too moist. Why had I even signed up for this? I was going to get a lot of sticks if I were trappesing all over the plants too much. I managed to collect a good armful though, and hoped that my clone had had the same luck as I. I caught the golden glimpses of the water in between the branches as I jumped back to the camp. I couldn't feel the presence of anyone so I assumed that Kakashi wasn't finished yet. I plumed the wood down in the middle of the clearing and moved to the big stone which was still warm from the sun. I could hear the silent humming of the waterfall and began to wonder why I never had visited other places of the world. I'd sure been missing a lot by staying in that old town. I rested my head in my hand; maybe it was healthy for me to live in Konoha… It still didn't give them the right to remove me though. This was exactly what I had tried to avoid; realizing that life could be better. What did the kids think of me now? It was not like they hadn't seen me mad before. Instinctively I detected Kakashi's chakra, two places actually. One was almost at the camp, and the other – a bit further away. I sensed how he entering the clearing and plumed the wood onto my own stack before moving over to me. He stood beside and gazed over the landscape which were turning dark, his hair moving peacefully in the breeze of the waterfall. I looked over the landscape again, analyzing the faint contrast between orange and dark blue in the horizon. I considered to explain why I… wait… I wanted to explain myself? No way! I gulped to man myself up as Kakashi sat down beside me.

"So, when are you planning on telling me what happened before?" he asked. Great he did that mindreading-ish thing again.

I felt Kakashi's chakra somewhere else like a stronger chakra and new that I were sitting with his clone. I sensed how he moved to one of the trees in the clearing, and since he just sat still I decided to play along, even though I felt really stupid about talking to a clone. I looked at the stone under me, every word seeming to get caught in my throat. I looked at the clone to explain and looked at his visible eyes. I felt Eien press under the surface to enter his eye, even though she couldn't unless both eyes were visible. I sighed heavily and looked away.

"Toshi?" the clone asked me. Stupid clone.

An idea suddenly popped into my mind. I could get rid of my itching urge to punch Kakashi, by punching his clone. He would probably be very curious if I pretended to tell about the pearl in my neck. I tried desperately to hide an evil smirk as I moved my hand to my neck and removed my long hair so my neck was completely exposed. The clone's eyes widened in pure curiosity and sifted the colored pearl with his eyes.

"What exactly do you imagine this is?" I asked and tried my best to look genuinely vulnerable. I searched backwards to feel the real Kakashi's hidden inquisitivity towards me. I sighed, happy with my plan to lure the clone into some kind of safety zone so I could take him off guard. I took of the heavy green vest for him to see better. Subtly I glanced backwards at the real Kakashi, seeing that he was sitting relaxed on a branch with one foot dangling over the edge. He didn't look one bit curious and I had to concentrate on picking up small hints of emotions from his mind. But it was damned hard. That sharingan was surely something unique.

"Um…" the clone replied—"some sort of chakra recourse?" it asked.

"Wrong." I replied and kept still. It looked at my face to read it and hesitantly moved closer to take a better peep. Maybe the colors of the pearl had some kind of enticing effect . I had to bite my lip for smiling victoriously and prepared a good fist.

"I'll tell you what it is… " I took in a deep breath as the clone looked expectantly at me.

Then I launched my fist right into the jaw of the unaware clone who barely dodged and fell back on the big stone. It disappeared in a gust of smog, blowing into my face with that spicy, nauseating scent I couldn't stand after too many encounters with it. I smacked a hand to my mouth and nose, mostly to hold out the thick scent, but also to hold in a laugh. It just felt so good. I almost spit in my own hands as the laugh I'd been holding in finally broke free. Sweet laughter. I didn't get over my convultion at least before two minutes, during which time Kakashi's face got more priceless. He looked utterly disappointed and fooled.

"What was that for?" he asked stunned and jumped down from the branch he had been pretending to read on. I tried to smother some chuckles, without any good luck.

"I just needed to get some frustration out." I said as he moved to sit next to me like his clone had done.

"And what if it hadn't been a clone?" he asked and cocked an eyebrow. I snorted at his question as if he was stupid.

"Seriously, your curiosity was so intense that I could feel it all the way over here, and I usually never sense anything from your mind. I can't sense ANY kind of brain activity from clones though… So that's why I knew." I explained and drew invisible patterns with my finger on the stone. He didn't reply but just looked at me, as if he were searching for something. I jerked a bit realizing that I hadn't told him about Eien's / my mind-technique.

"Um and ancient form of jutsu I learned by my master." She said hastily and waved her hand at him.

"That's not possible." He replied as a matter of fact.

Her sandy hair danced back and forth in the breeze and even though the darkness had filled the sky now, he was still able to tell her eye color. She looked very peaceful and wondering, compared to what he usually saw. But he didn't believe her one bit. He had never heard about that kind of abilities before, the closest were the Yamanaka-clan in the village… He wasn't easy to fool and figured out quickly that she had some kind of abilities she didn't tell him about. He had still not forgotten the thing that had happened the first time they met, and she had done something very weird – like making him look inwards… She brushed some hair behind her ear and shrugged on her shoulder, somehow seeming to give up on something.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you anyway." She said and moved her eyes away from him with a sigh.

There was truly something fascinating about her. Just as quick as he had complained to himself about how much effort it took to open her up, she suddenly seemed to be genuinely honest with him, as if she actually considered to tell him. That as well made him more up on his guard, he still couldn't trust her and make the same mistake as his clone.

"Why don't you try me?" he suggested pleasantly even though he was very curious and kind of impatient. She glanced over at him sadness filling her eyes just briefly.

"Well um…" she hesitated and looked suspiciously at him before she sighed heavily—

"Honestly I don't know WHY I have that thing in my neck, or why I have these… shall we call it abilities. But I can tell one thing…" she bit her lip and looked searching at him as if he were to trust.

"Go on." He assured. Lucky that he had such good patience.

"I have like… This other soul in me. The soul of a lioness, and I don't know why, but she happens to have a lot of chakra and some… well abilities." She looked him straight in the eyes now, waiting anxiously for some kind of reaction from him. She almost looked scared.

He had to take a moment to comprehend what she'd said. It didn't sound impossible, considering Naruto and the kyuubi, but… He could see that she wasn't lying.

"Like a tailed beast?" he asked. He had never heard of a beast looking like a lioness. Toshi's eyes widened the slightest as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

Wait. Did he really believe me. Did he not question me ONE bit?

"… No one has ever believed me without seeing me in my other form." I said, looking at his relaxed and chilled expression, which somehow suited me very well.

"Well, I believe you." He said and smiled with his one visible eye.

I gulped, but couldn't seem to get the sudden thing in my throat to go away. A small ball of guilt grew in me as I looked at his trusting face. Why was he being so nice to me, considering all the things I'd done?

"Kakashi—" damn, still felt weird to say his name—"I'm sorry for… um, before. But when I'm being locked up for a long time the lioness - or Eien no Honou which is her name - in me seem to tricker something." I looked at the waterfall in the far distance, barely able to see it anymore except for the blue moonlight that were reflected at the top of the stream. I didn't have the guts to look him in the eyes when being so honest. I didn't know what had gotten to me, but I felt an urge to tell him the truth, even though it stood in great contrast to my pride.

"I see—" he put a finger to his chin—" so it has a name." he stated thoughtfully to himself, avoiding my apology. He should just know how much an apology meant when it was from me!

"Yes she has." I answered a little more sullenly and combed my fingers through my long hair.

"So. Why have you hidden these abilities for all the time we've been together, and not to mention when we came from you?" he asked and I felt that spark of curiosity radiate from him for the briefest of moments.

He must've been REALLY curious for me to actually sense some kind of emotion from him, cause I actually think that today was the first day I'd ever felt that. I shrugged, reluctant to talk more about it when something hit me.

"Oh, please don't tell the kids yet." I said in a sudden panic. He looked at me a bit surprised by the change in subject and seemed to search for words.

"Plea—se …" I begged of him.

He seemed to hesitate and I could only understand why. He didn't want to keep secrets like that from his students. He looked thoughtfully over at the waterfall, the moonlight falling down on his masked face. I looked at him skeptically; he was pretty mysterious when you thought about it. I didn't know one thing about him, except for a few things about his personality. He seemed friendly and caring, but actually hard to get through to. There were something solitary about his attitude, I wonder why I'd never noticed that before. No one could have such a calm and detached manor as the only thing. He was strong too, but had shown no signs of arrogance and was quite modest about hiw abilities. How little I knew about him. I didn't know anything about his social-life, his past or anything. If he were trying to open me up, didn't that give me the right to be curious about opening him up as well?

"I won't tell… But it could be useful if we encounter someone strong." He said, breaking my train of thoughts. He looked at me, almost as if he were daring me to something.

And I knew what it was. I'd never saved someone and never had to urge to do so. And that was what he was asking of me. My protection. My expression grew naturally cold. I seriously had some thinking and some soul-searching to do.

"We'll see." I muttered and dragged me legs into my body so I could lean me head on me knees. It gave me a headache to think – and talk – about these things. I closed my eyes and tried to turn back to my old self.

"You know. I really don't like to have a ninja with me who doesn't know how to work as a team."… Come on, Kakashi couldn't drop that bomb on me after our previous conversation!

"It's not like I asked to be here in the first place or are aspire to be like you." He replied sullenly.

"With your view on life, I don't think you'll ever be able to reach my level." He said in a calm – irritating way. I knew he was only teasing me though. But I wasn't in the mood at all to have this kind of polite discussion right now.

"HEY! WE'RE BACK!" Naruto made his usually loud entrance into the clearing and broke me and Kakashi's bickering.

I felt relieved though, as Sakura and Sasuke walked into the clearing as well. They all carried paper-bags filled with small boxes of (hopefully) food. Naruto had that grin plastered in his face. Well lucky for us all that they had bought so much food. There were just about enough for only Naruto in one bag.

"They had so much delicious food that we couldn't decide which to buy." Naruto exclaimed and dropped the two paper-bags in his arms.

"Well as long as we don't have to pay." Kakashi said and scratched his neck. I don't think that I had seen so much food in my life (which I had a share of as well). But I had no money.

"What? Toshi and Kakashi-sensei, you have to pay as well!" Sakura whined and plumed down her bags.

"What?" both Kakashi and I replied at the same time. First of all; I had no money and second of all; they couldn't expect us to pay for all that food.

But everyone was too hungry to take more notive of that issue. Almost drooling we began to dig in to the delicious food (consisting mostly of ramen). Kakashi was finished before either of us had fair chance to register that he been eating. Naruto looked up from his second round of ramen, a few pieces of rice sticking to his chin from his previous meal.

"Are you already finished Kakashi-sensei?" he muffled, his mouth full of food. Everyone (except for me) stopped eating and looked up. I jerked a bit; so I had been the only one to notice Kakashi's weird eating habit. I'd actually never seen him eat before which actually made sense. Or else I would've seen his face.

"Yeah. I wasn't that hungry." He said pleasantly and continued to read in his book.

"Sensei, you're supposed to eat a lot! It'll give us strength tomorrow." Sakura said, looking accusingly at her sensei. Naruto looked somewhat disgusted; who could NOT but hungry? I glanced more up from my cup and stopped chewing as everyone else. We just looked at him in silent awkwardness, the moments passing by as he began to chuckle nervously.

"Easy, I'm going to be okay." He said and tried to wave our stares away.

We continued to eat happily together and as we got more into it, and the fire was lit, Naruto and Sakura began to tell different tales. I don't think I'd ever experienced this kind of 'familiy-mood' before, but found that I was unusually comfortable with it. I liked how everyone's attention for once wasn't directed at me, and that we could warm ourselves by the fire which illuminated the whole clearing. For a moment I spaced out in the middle of a story Sakura was telling, as Kakashi's words began to spin in my head. I stared into the fireplace and remembered what he'd said to me about teamwork and my attitude in general. Not soon after were we all handed a sleeping-bag and settled around the fireplace as before. I lay on the ground, staring up through the petals and at the cloud-free dark sky above. I couldn't fall asleep for some reason and knew that was next in turn to hold guard (even though there had been some bickering about ME holding guard). Even though the sound of the dying fire and the humming of the waterfall were very soothing for my ears, I just couldn't fall asleep.

I decided to get up before time so Sasuke could get some sleep, and withered out of my bag, stood up and brushed my hands off of dirt. Sasuke sat in the moonlight – on the flat stone – gazing over the valley.

"Hey, I'm up. You can go to sleep now." I said and trudged up at the stone to take his place.

Sasuke didn't seem to have heard me, cause he didn't answer or move so I took in some air to talk a bit louder but stopped myself. I didn't have any particular friendly feelings towards Sasuke, compared to Naruto and Sakura so perhaps I should take Kakashi's advice about teamwork seriously now. I mean, if I had to get along with everyone. I manned myself up and swallowed some of my pride and sat down beside the black-haired Uchiha. If I focused some chakra into my emotion-sensing I couldn't pick up one thing from Sasuke, just like Kakashi.

"What happened this afternoon?" Sasuke asked suddenly. I jerked a bit and looked over at him. He was still gazing far away into the distance.

"Um. Nothing unusual. I just wanted to kill him." I replied carefully neutral.

"Did you really want to kill him that much? Even if it carried the risk of hurting some of us?" he replied coldly as if he was suppressing a lot of anger. I blinked twice at his 'comment'. He sounded like I was some kind of cold murderer. Like his enemy.

"Noo… I just got mad. I can't explain it." I lied coursing Sasuke to frown the slightest. I didn't really want to have this conversation with him.

"And because you 'just' got mad you randomly decided to attack our sensei. One of the most notorious and feared ninjas from our village?" he growled, trying to hold his tone low. It was like I'd hurt him, through hurting Kakashi. I sat a bit flabbergasted for a moment before a continued.

"Notorious? Feared?" I repeated. It couldn't be true. Were that douchebag to Kakashi notorious and feared? I wasn't sure of Sasuke were exaggerating or actually telling the truth.

"Are you serious? Are you stupid or something? You've been up against him yourself! Why do you think he's gotten the nickname copy-ninja?" Sasuke spat as if he couldn't believe my words.

I blinked a couple of times again, trying to comprehend what was coming out of Sasuke's mouth. I was over the time getting used to being insulted, which you do a lot if you're with team 7 on a daily basis. Well, yeah Kakashi was strong. But what I'd been up against up to date, wasn't anything to brag about. I'd always thought of him as a, well strong, but that there was stronger ninja's than him. Okay, maybe he had a sharingan and maybe he'd gotten a nickname but… I snorted inwardly and glanced back at Kakashi's dark form and the silver hair that stuck out of from his sleeping-bag.

"Well… That wasn't quite my impression. I mean he's a real lazy-ass and what I've been up against isn't like THAT strong compared to other notorious—" I was cut off by the impatient Sasuke.

"Yeah we all did that, but we realized how strong he was quickly. I've seen him in his serious modes—" Sasuke looked solemn over at me; " It's not like you're that strong yourself, not strong enough to beat him. I don't know what makes him so good, but I know that he graduated from the ninja-academy at age 5, and became a jounin at the age of 13!" Sasuke said temperamentally, but careful not to wake the others up.

My eyes widened by the last thing Sasuke said. I had been exceedingly underestimating Kakashi. I didn't know much about the school system, but I knew that the kids had barely just graduated when they were sent to get me, and to imagine a kid at the age of 6 on the team was just surreal. I glanced over my shoulder and looked at Kakashi's peacefully sleeping form. To think that that lazy-ass, relaxed, none-caring ninja could be a famous killer. Sasuke stood up and looked down at me.

"Well… Goodnight." He said simply and turned around to trudge away, leaving me to my thoughts.

I didn't bother to wake Naruto up for a swift, but stayed up until the sun began to rise on the other side of our sleeping spot. Only the tops of the mountains were lit up by the sun and the waterfall and sky still stood in darkness. I leaned my head in my knee and shifted a bit uncomfortably on the stone which was wet form the morning dew.

"Good morning." Kakashi's voice broke the silence of the night, and I jerked a bit as I looked over my shoulder to greet him.

"Good morning." I muttered and looked back at the waterfall.

"I'm up, I'm up." Naruto sat up and rubbed his eyes sleepy. I wasn't really sure if Naruto was awake… It seemed that he was physically, but definitely not mentally.

Eventually everyone got up from their sleep, and as a lead Naruto jumped in front all the way down the valley. Jumping downwards was very soothing. The weightlessness of jumping down, made me feel calm for a while – I mean in top of the noisy kids. Sometimes we jumped so far that we gained more speed than averagely; there just something about hanging in the air with your hair blowing after you, eyes almost tearing because of the speed. We had to jump all the way down to the lake and then up to the end of the waterfall. Nearing the restaurant I looked up to see a figure stand on the wooden balcony, a tiny frame. As we got a bit closer I could see that she had a very unusual hair color. It was almost white, with a greenish tone to it. If it was because of the trees I couldn't tell. Her eyes were a light purple color which meant to she looked very fragile somehow.

"I can't wait to meet her. I hope her music is good cause I like good music." Naruto began to blab.

Staying in the back I landed with a thud on the large balcony. From here the rush of waterfall was so loud that you had to speak loud for the others to hear you. The… Girl? Woman? Stood by the railing and looked down at the waterfall, her shoulder-longer hair blowing from the force of the waterfall. Kakashi, who was in the front, walked over to her as me and the kids only neared us, keeping our distance from this girl. She jerked her head up as if she had been dragged out of dream and looked at Kakashi, her eyes widening by his tall figure (not that he was THAT tall)

"Misaki Mai?" he asked and smiled (okay every time I say he smiles, I mean with his eye!), his hands stuffed in his pockets. He then bothered to take his right hand up to shake hers.

"Are you… The Konoha ninjas?" she asked insecurely and looked over at me and the kids – past Kakashi's shoulder before she shook his hand. I could only state that the look she gave me wasn't the must trustworthy I could've received. Naruto smiled sheepishly, like he was exaggerating his smile to look nice, and Sakura was looking at Sasuke who were looking at the restaurant. Okay, maybe not the best impression she got from us right now. I looked back at her as if she offended me in an awkward way.

"Yes we are and my name is Hatake Kakashi the only jounin." He introduced himself and bowed slightly without letting go of her hand. Now, notice her slight change in behavior; suddenly she looked more lively or… interested.

"Nice to meet you Kakashi. So are those ninjas as well?" she peeped over at the proudly presented group again and Kakashi began to laugh nervously.

"Well, yes they are. But trust me they're better then they look." He assured her. I cocked an eyebrow over his embarrassment and met Mai's eyes again.

I think she was afraid of me, cause her eyes flickered away from me again. Naruto took in a deep manly breath and walked proudly forward with a grin plastered across his face.

"Hello Mai, my name is Uzumaki Naruto and I'm going to become the next hokage!" he held his hand proudly out to her. Meanwhile Kakashi tilted his head up and sighed as he rubbed the bridge of his nose with two fingers. I had one of those moments again where I felt some kind of warmth towards Naruto who was trying to be as cool as Kakashi (not saying he's cool). He turned around a little bit as Naruto finally dropped the bewildered Mai's hand.

"And this is Sasuke, Sakura and Toshi." He said and pointed bored to everyone in the vastly noble group. She looked kind of skeptic.

"So, now when we're over with the intro, should we get going?" I asked impatiently and looked blankly at everyone.

" The sooner the better." Mai answered and walked past Kakashi. We all began to follow instinctively but waited until Kakashi and Mai had passed by.

"Come on Toshi." He said as he passed me.

I grunted in return and walk right after. The girl carried a guitar-banjo like thing on her back, and to me she seemed weird, and weird girls were a pain in the ass! Walking with a civilian meant that we had to walk the rest of the way. We quickly filled in our roles again when we began to walk at overgrown paths through the forest. Mai slowed down her pase and waited for Kakashi and I to catch up to her.

"So , I've never been escorted by real ninjas. So let me get one thing straight; If I'm in danger you'll be like really fast and save me? Or at least YOU will." She looked up at Kakashi and smiled. Her voice were very light and girlish, as anticipated with that small body of hers.

"The others will save you as well. You can count on that." Completely unaffected by the girls obvious interest in him, he glanced over at me and sent me one of those 'rigt-toshi?' looks.

I cocked an eyebrow at him, and peeped to his other side to get a glimpse of the small woman. I caught her eyes and instead of flickering away like she'd done before she just looked… Devilishly thoughtful. Then she looked up at Kakashi again, conveniently attaching herself to his arm victoriously. Come on? Give me some credit here; see what I'm putting up with?

"But you're the eldest and obviously the most skilled." She said

I was seriously freaked out by her sudden flirting, it was just wrong in every way for a female (or male for that matter) to flirt with Kakashi! I tried to stand it though but just took a few steps away from Kakashi as if he smelled badly. He looked relaxed down her, hands still in his pockets.

"Well, how can you know that? Toshi might be older than me." He said to her.

Mai looked like she was a little taken back by Kakashi's superior attitude, completely cold towards her flirting. I found that satisfying for some reason. Yeah, in your face Mai!... And on with the story: actually it came as no wonder to me, when thought through, that she 'liked' Kakashi. He had that relaxed, cool, strong exterior that most women liked (so was my impression). I snorted inwardly, thinking that Kakashi easily could be the player type if he wanted or if he weren't one in the first place? He was probably skilled from reading those nasty books he always carried with him. I'd never been in love before, so despite being a bit disgusted at first I found it kind of… entertaining to look at. Especially because she looked like the type who was used to get what she wanted. Seemed that Kakashi was just a bit out of her league. Surely didn't hope that Kakashi was used to get what HE wanted.

"You don't even know how old I am." I snapped at Kakashi just for the fun of it… Not that I knew his age.

"We only have an approximate age. It's not like you've shared much with me." He said.

A small flame flared in me, and I looked over at him irritated. What the fuck did he call all the things I told him yesterday! Wasn't that sharing? Jeez!

"Idiot!" I snorted and held up my fist, just like Sakura did whenever she threatened Naruto (guess it kind of sticks to you). Kakashi took a few steps to the side to pacify my sudden temper.

"Wasn't the things I told you yesterday sharing?" I hissed.

"E-easy Toshi." He said and took his hands up from his pockets and held them up in defense. I snorted at him and took my fist down offended.

"As a matter of fact, I'm 19." I said briskly and folded my arms over my chest.

"19?" he questioned.

"Yeah? Something wrong with that?" I cocked an eyebrow suspiciously at him. He always knew when my temper was serious. Kakashi looked away from me indifferently

"That's beside the point… You're still a kid." I was sure that he was smirking behind that mask…

"Am not! Just because I'm not a jounin!" I said, my voice thick of sarcasm.

"Actually—" Naruto walked up to us and rummaged around in one of his pockets before he pulled up a small book. He flipped through the pages and stopped on a page

"Kakashi-sensei's 26 years old, so he's actually older than you." Kakashi looked sheepishly at Naruto and I had to hold back a chuckle. Sometimes Naruto could be so unpredictable.

"You think I'M a kid? You're obviously compensating for something, Kakashii." I stuck my tongue out childishly at him. But I didn't get the reaction I wanted. Calling him a child only softened his eyes a bit before he looked away with a smile… weird.

"And he's 181 cm tall (5'11 feet for the Americans, right?)" Naruto read out loud

"Whoa! Give me that Naruto. Why'd you bring such a precious book with you on a mission? It could easily fall into the wrong hands." Kakashi said, trying to snap the book out of Naruto's hands.

"No wait, this is very interesting!" I said and held a hand out to pacify Kakashi and Naruto.

"No, give me that." Kakashi tried to swoop around me with no luck, launching his arm after the grinning Naruto. When someone was up for teasing or pranking, Naruto was always there.

"Okay, um. Blood type O. Weight 67 kg. um, ninja registration; 0097—" he was cut off when both Naruto and I was too interested in listening than to pay attention to him. He swooped around me and snapped the book out of Naruto's hands.

"Thank you. And next time, don't bring this book along Naruto." Kakashi snapped and stuffed it down to his other book. Just as I was about to object Mai's light voice broke our "discussion".

"Ninjas can do a lot of things right?" she asked and took a finger to her chin.

"Erh, yeah. Why?" Naruto replied, obviously irritated by her random question.

"That means that if I'm falling down a cliff, you could just grab me in midair?" I didn't like where this conversation was going.

"Where're you even getting with thi—" before I could finish my irritated sentence Mai ran past me, stopped and grinned at us and jumped over the edge… Yeah, you heard right; she JUMPED! Oh my god what a completely ridiculous and stupid thing to do!

"Toshi you're closest!" Everyone basically shouted at me at the same time.

"W-what?" I snapped a bit bewildered and confused. I wasn't going to go after that girlie.

As if Kakashi had predicted my answer he strode for her, pushing roughly by me. I don't know how what happened, happened. But due to my sharp senses I caught a glimpse of his sharingan and my world suddenly came tumbling down. I lost all hearing and heard a heartbeat pump like a speaker with high bass. I realized that Eien had waited for a moment like this to enter his mind. I was dragged into the tunnels of his eyes in whirlwind of lights. But as quick as floated through them, I suddenly stood in a black room. Black granite sand whirled around me as I tried to get a foothold. I had to cover my face as fear washed over me like a cold wave. The sand scratched me everywhere like sandpaper. It didn't make any sound though. Only a deep resounding and echoing bass was what I could hear. I tried to look ahead but couldn't see anything but the faint reflections of the sand that whirled around. There was no source of light to make the reflections; they were just there, as the only sources of light. All I knew though, was that this wasn't normal when you entered someone's mind. This had been what I'd felt the first time I had entered him, and I was a hundred percent sure that this was because of his sharingan.

"Eien no Honou!" I screamed in desperation cause she couldn't just suck me in here and then leave me alone to get my soul scratched up.

In that instant she landed beside me huge and mighty as the lioness she was. Her white fur illuminated the space around us and I was finally able to see the black sand under us properly. She landed slowly beside me, her expression fearless and indifferent despite the sands that flew around us. The sight of her were angelic; just watching the beautiful shapes of her muscles under the white shiny fur made me feel instantly proud.

"This is very unusual. It must be the tricks of the sharingan." She stated talking to me only by her thoughts.

"Is this even his mind? Why'd you drag me in here in the first place. You're gambling with the small amount of trust I've been building up with him" I snapped, realizing how stupid this was.

"I've been urging to see what this black dessert was since the last time." She said and stood strong and proud as she spoke, being that we were shoulder to shoulder in height.

She began to walk through the sands, and I couldn't tell where we were going or how she could find her way around here. It was hard to look without getting sand in my eyes and I had to shade them all the time.

"Where're we going? It's obvious that we can't come through the sharingan." I shouted through the deafening bass that rung all over.

"I'm looking for the easiest thing to enter right now." She answered.

Eien's paws stepped lightly, hardly seeming to press the sand, leaving no footprint as she passed while I struggled through the sand, trying not to slip of fall. I knew that the easiest thing to enter were the memories. There were a lot of different levels to a persons mind. The dreamy and subconscious state where you could build world of what you wanted – the fantasy so to say. Then the memories and then the true wake self which was hard to enter.

"We're here." Without realizing it, Eien had found a way to a black door I never would've seen without her.

"Eien we better get out." I said hesitantly even though I knew it was pointless to even ask.

"Hold on to me." She demanded and I did as told. I grabbed her fur and dug my head into her as she lowered her head and bared her teeth. A gust of fresh wind came up from under us. Her nature type was purely wind and therefore she was a strong wind-user. I hadn't experimented much with my own type, and didn't know how to molt in so I'd just used Eien's nature-type.

"Open the door." She said and her body vibrated with a low growl. I looked up and noticed that we stood in a silent 'bubble' where the sand lay calm.

I nodded to her and took a grip of the doorknob. In what seemed like one breath out, I were consumed by a white light. My hair flew upwards and I had to clench my eyes together for the bright light. I stood in the familiar room of memories, in this visual form as a thousand of perfect white drawers. There were no floor, and yet there was. It was like standing at a giant magnet which repelled you. Just a transparent floor.

"I left behind a small amount of chakra as light, if you ever enter him again." Eien said and walked into the middle of the circle.

"I still don't get how you do this." I muttered and turned rapidly around to gaze along the endless rows of drawers that continued upwards.

I didn't know how I felt about picking the memories of a ninja like Kakashi. He'd probably gone through things that were far worse than I could ever imagine. Faint whispers echoed around the room along with light humming voices.

_Famous faces, far off places  
Trinkets I can buy  
No handsome stranger, heady danger  
No ferris wheel, no heart to steal  
No laughter in the dark  
No one-night stand, no far-off land  
No fire that I can spark_

The voices was (of my knowledge) the content that had formed him which capriciously whispered. It was like the silence before the storm… If you opened one drawer, hell would break loose and every memory would be passed into your brain like data. I was already starting to forget the mission and the situation I'd left outside. I walked to drawer, took a peek at its exterior and then touched it lightly with a finger. It popped open and spilled all of its content out on me like a fountain of colors. Even though everything floated before my eyes, faster than the human eyes to see – time was slowed down when in the mind of someone and I could see everything of the drawer's content.

Kunai's and shuriken flew past me as sand covered pavements grew under me. Terror filled me as I saw Kakashi under the attack of the Kyuubi. I saw ninja's getting killed, commanders giving him orders. I felt overwhelmed by seeing this young Kakashi, it was a complete different picture. I saw him fight alongside with his friends; one in particular standing out who had bushy brows and black hair. Kakashi didn't seem to look like he liked him much, but I could feel how he felt and that was friendship and gratitude. The time of the Kyuubi had been hard mentally. I could feel it; everything he felt. The visions shifted in between pictures of the things he remembered the most. The drawer closed suddenly and two others spilled from above me before I could react. I covered my face instinctively as voices began to talk around me.

"_Kakashi Hatake. Son of the genius Sakumo Hatake_" in front of me stood a child Kakashi, clinging to his father's leg while looking proudly up at him. A warm laugh was heard from his father, whose face I couldn't see. I felt the strong bond of having family and felt the need, clinging to the feeling desperately.

"Sakumo, the white fang. You've achieved respect in the same level as the legendary sannin." A shadowy figures surrounded father and son, praising them for their superior intellect.

A smile crept to my face and I fought the urge to go hug the child Kakashi, knowing I couldn't as it was his memories and not something real. Suddenly a chill ran down my spine and everything turned dark and gloomy.

"Dad?" I could hear a childs voice and everything I'd felt was replaced with a coldness and sadness I couldn't describe. I man lay dead on the floor in front of the small Kakashi. I wanted to scream in rage, and wanted to cry my eyes away in sadness. The emotion Kakashi had felt at this moment was so strong that even his mind had locked this part away in another drawer.

Trees and grass grew around me and Kakashi's feet and his child form disappeared and was replaced with an older Kakashi. He stood on a stone in the woods as one of his teammates came running into the clearing.

"You idiot! What did you think we were meeting? If you're a fully fletched ninja, you should naturally follow the rules and regulations strictly." I don't think I could ever such words come out of Kakashi's mouth before now. I'd never seen him like that, and the whole scene was just surreal.

Kakashi looked didn't just look oblivious like always, but there were a cold edge to him. Just pure emptiness and coldness. It was hard for me to comprehend. I couldn't have imagined that Kakashi was capable of such kind of emotions.

"The ninjas who don't follow the rules and regulations are called trash." The mind doesn't remember every detail so you only see and hear fragments of what once happened. Besides; I had to be carefull. If I got too consumed by the memories, I could suffer as much under it as he did.

There was arguing with his teammate from before…I barely caught his name, Obito? It was the time when Kakashi had become a jounin – meaning that he was 13 years old. I could feel how I got dragged more and more into this memorie and I had to slam my hands over my ears to block out the increasing voices.

"The two of us will resume the mission! As a shinobi, sometimes it is essential to sacrifice your companion for the accomplishment of the mission." Kakashi stood in front of Obitio again, his voice filling my head like when Eien insisted on something. It was unbearable. It didn't sound like Kakashi at all, to abandon a teammate. That was what he'd been trying to teach me all time – to work as a team. I felt sick to my stomach, and at the same time I felt Kakashi's frustration.

"If you let your emotions run free and fail your mission, you will regret it in the future, because of that rule was decided that a shinobi must kill their emotions. You must understand that too." His eyes glared coldly at his friend. It was like a whole other Kakashi. Like his evil twin brother. But when his friend spoke a rush of emotions engulfed me again.

"I believe that the white fang is a true hero. Of course those who break the rules and regulations in the ninja world are trash. But… Those who don't care about their companions are even worse trash!" the words cut and me as they did in Kakashi.

"Anyway, if I'm that kind of trash, I will break the rules. If that's not being a true shinobi, then I'll crush that idea of being a shinobi!" My body going numb, I couldn't move. I knew I was trapped in the memory now, being too consumed.

The scenario repeated itself over and over as if somebody had put in on replay, I wanted to scream but I couldn't. Everything was too confusing. I breathed out heavily when the sound of a kunai cut the muddle and left me in the white, silent room again.

"Toshi, I think you've seen enough." Eien said from the far corner.

"No it's not over." I breathed and prepared myself emotionally as grass and trees began to grow around me again.

Kakashi stood not far from me on a branch, a deep cut sliced across his eyes and eyebrow. I gasped. So that was how he got that scar. But in that same instant everything passed me so fast, hitting me with a wave of emotions. The fight was over… But… Rocks came tumbling down over me. This time I screamed and covered myself. As I opened my eyes I wasn't myself. I had the same thoughts, the same feelings as Kakashi…

"Are you okay… Rin… Kakashi?" Obito's voice made me look up from my gloved hands. My heart almost skipped a beat. Obito lay under the masses of the rocks, half of his body smashed. My heart ached, as if it couldn't breath. I felt my guard break down after years of holding it so safe inside.

"Shit!" I spat, feeling more vulnerable than ever. It was like the possibility of losing the ones I truly loved just sank in.

"Why?" Rin – the girl said beside me. Numbness spread all through my body and I felt this soulful cry that could not be expressed. I slammed my hands to the ground angry at myself for letting this happen to Obito.

"I… If I from the beginning had gone along with what you said and went with you to rescue Rin. Something like this would never have happened." I said hearing Kakashi at the base of my voice.

"What kind of commander? What kind of jounin?" I breathed. The sorrow I felt stung inside almost brining forth tears, but I'd never really cried before. But it was too late to make things right…

"Toshi, you're letting your emotion run away with you." A voice made me jerk and I looked up standing on the top of the rocks looking down at Kakashi. I realized that my objective point of view had been disturbed and I'd seen the scene down there from Kakashi's point of view… Kakashi was the first person to ever had taken some kind of interest in me, and now I'd felt the same pain as he.

"Eien…" I breathed but couldn't say more.

"I think you're getting attached to this man." She stated.

"Maybe." I answered indifferently, too fixated on the scene before me. Perhaps this was why he was so fixated on teamwork. Looking at him then, and remembering him now I felt bad for my behavior. He didn't deserve to have such a sullen and bad-tempered girl like me around who only made his life a lot more difficult. Yet, he took me with him on this mission. I felt helpless, unable to prevent the death of Obito, just like Kakashi felt.

"Hey. No forget it. I'm the only one who didn't give you a present.. at your jounin celebration, right Kakashi?" Obito said in between pants.

"It's this sharingan of mine." He added, and both Kakashi, Rin and I's eyes widened.

"The people in the village. What they must've been saying. That you're a great jounin. That's how I feel. Please accept it."

My heart ached as his friend poured out his heart on the edge of dying, genuinely offering Kakashi his most precious gift of birth. I had to look away as the memory changed form and Kakashi now stood beside me on top of the rocks. So many emotion were visible in his face, that he almost reminded me of Naruto. Kakashi was torn, angry and sad. When I saw his new eye crying a flash of shock ran through me.

"But. I can become your eye. And from now, I will see the future." Obito's words lingered in his thoughts all around us.

The picture melted into the ground and I was left standing in the white room, completely untouched as if nothing had happened. I collapsed to the ground, not believing what I'd witnessed. It was one of Kakashi's most precious memories and now I could feel them too. The loneliness I'd experienced back home couldn't be compared to the feeling of loosing someone close to you.

"Eien, take me out now." I breathed and took a hand to my forehead. Eien, who hadn't been taken any part in the memory growled.

"We are going further." She commanded. But I wasn't, I couldn't go any further.

"Out, NOW!" I shouted of the top of my lungs and looked directly into her fierce eyes.

Eien frowned at me and my attitude and bared her teeth. We stared at each other for a while before she surrendered and roared so loud that the walls around us shivered. In a twirl of light fell down the tunnel of his eyes, and felt the heavy burden of my body coming back. I tripped backwards as if repelled by a magnet and fell to the ground with a bump, as so did Kakashi in front of me.

"Shit!" I sensed someone say faintly and barely noticed Sasuke going after Mai who was falling down. I felt a bit dizzy and knew that about one second had passed by out here.

"Kakashi-sensei? Toshi?" Sakura squeaked frightened. I sensed fresh air and sunlight again and opened my eyes, everything I'd just seen rushing back into me like a wave. I was stunned and flabbergasted as Naruto peeped down at me. Kakashi was sitting up on the ground, rubbing his head with Sakura by his side, as Sasuke came up from the cliff again.

"Don't EVER do that again!" Sasuke shouted at Mai and bumped her down on the ground angrily.

"Toshi?" Naruto asked me for the third time and looked worried down at me.

But I couldn't stop staring at Kakashi. He had a look of shock plastered in his only visible eye. I had to take quick deep breaths to deal with the well of emotions that had been transferred into me and immediately began to regret what I'd done. I hadn't just picked his mind, but knew that he was fully aware of what I've seen, and he had relived it as well. Looking at the old Kakashi and remembering the young one made my heartache. It was the same person in front of me… Just older.


	6. Air for life Chapter 6

"What's going on?" Naruto asked and looked back and forth at me and Kakashi.

"It's just like that time when we went to get Toshi from that town." Sasuke hissed and I sensed him stare at me. I felt timid and vulnerable towards Kakashi, like we were in the hot-springs. He didn't want to look at me as he still tried to get over what had happened. I sensed Sasuke walk over to me and stood stubbornly in front of me, blocking my view to Kakashi. He suddenly bent down a grabbed me hard by my collar forcing me upwards, closer to his hidden fury.

"What'd you do to Kakashi-sensei?" he hissed in a dangerously low tone.

"Sasuke, what're you doing?" Naruto grabbed Sasuke's arm to make him stop, completely confused by the situation. With clenched teeth harshly closing the jaw Sasuke turn to Naruto, still holding the flabbergasted me.

"Don't you see it Naruto? She's hiding something from us so she can kill Kakashi-sensei and then the rest of us!" he spat. Naruto looked at Sasuke in disbelief for a moment.

"What?" he breathed and backed away to take a better look at me. There was something seriously wrong with me. My usually snappy comments had left me completely. It was like my brain had broken down completely and there was nothing left but the emotions for me to feel without begin able to do anything about it. What Sasuke said wasn't true, at all! I wanted to run over to Kakashi and beg for forgiveness and explain everything. I wasn't anything to them, so would they even listen? Sakura helped up Kakashi by his arm and he looked a bit dizzy. Sasuke let go of me and pushed me aggressively down to the ground again. That was when Kakashi looked at me (finally). But I couldn't stand the sight of his eye. Anger, disappointment and sorrow glimpsed in his eye as a shooting pain.

"Is that true Toshi?" Naruto asked

"We should just leave her here, like we should've done in the first place." Sasuke spat at me and looked at me with disgust.

I felt as if I for the first time had something to lose. I got scared because these people who were taking me into their lives now didn't want me there anymore. But I had weighted to far against the consequences and it was my own fault that they turned out this way; I made the problems in the first place. I wanted to cut the memories I'd seen out of my soul and just live with a gaping hole instead. And I was mad at Eien for having done this. Deeply, burning mad at her.

"Kakashi. I-I swear it wasn't on purpose. I was suddenly just dragged into—" Finally my brain began to start up again, but I stopped myself midsentence when I realized that the kids didn't know about my secret, although Sasuke had a clue.

"What's going on?" the clueless Mai asked. She didn't get one thing about what was going on.

"Sasuke…" Kakashi sent a glare that told him to cool down as he was still supported by Sakura.

I shuttered by the sound of his voice. I can't remember the last time I'd been so timid and silent. Kakashi looked tormented and tired after my brain-search. To think that I had been the course and reason for that. Sasuke turned disgusted away from me.

"Toshi. We'd prefer if you kept your distance from now on." Kakashi said.

"Keep my distance?" I repeated, not yet understand the size of his 'proposal'. Did he want me to stay away? He didn't even sound angry, just pleasant.

"Just stay behind the group and look out for any danger. And camp only near us." He said and seemed to man up and pulled himself away from Sakura.

"It'll be the best for now." He turned around and looked ahead.

His 'excuse' was very polite, keeping the kids of being too suspicious, everything considered. But the words still cut in me, making me speechless. Sasuke looked away with a sigh and trudged away from me with his hands buried deep in his pockets. I glanced embarrassed over at Naruto who was still looking at me.

"It wasn't on purpose." I mumbled and looked into the ground, knowing that words couldn't solve anything.

"Come on Naruto." Sasuke said to snap him out of whatever trance he was in.

He followed not dropping his eyes from me until he was turned fully around. Mai shot me a questioning look before she followed silently. I was left behind, still sitting numbly on the ground as I saw them disappear in the horizon of the road. I felt myself beginning to cool down, by brain automatically trying to erase my emotions towards them and what had happened. But instead of just blocking of, I knew that I had to turn my emotions into reason.

"_Toshi? Why are you so upset?_" The answer was obvious, and still Eien had to ask it.

"_Well. There's only one answer to that question_." I told her and felt pricking behind my eyelids. There was silence for a few moments before she spoke again.

"_You're almost about to cry. That doesn't look like you. Are you really becoming so attached to these people?"_ she asked, her voice for once being genuine and low in my head.

"_Isn't it obvious? Even you can feel everything he felt. And he believed in me Eien. He believed me when I told him about you. The emotions, they're stuck in me now and… I can't explain it!_" I told her, frustrated that I wasn't capable of putting words – or understanding what I felt. I slammed my fits to the ground and growled angrily.

"… _I think you're about to get your first friends_." She said kindly and I felt her eyes on me.

My eyes widened when I heard her words. She'd never encouraged me to get friends, never taught me about love. But when I took action myself she encouraged me to a thing that hadn't even struck my mind. I was caught somewhere between stubbornness and relief not really wanting to admit what she had just said. I'd always told myself that I didn't need any friends cause they were for no use. But now when I had gotten a taste of it I wanted to explore the concept more. But I had screwed up…

"_Don't worry. They look like they are very forgiving_. _Just do as Kakashi told you to, and keep an eye out for any danger. If something happens, go and help. It's very simple_." She said to me again.

"_It's not as easy as that. It doesn't feel very nice to be left alone. A sacrifice I was forced to face because I had you inside of me_." I told her

"_It was your own choice not to tell them_." She snapped back. I pouted like a child and began to play with the grass sullenly.

"_Don't be so stubborn Toshi_!" she snapped at me again. I grunted at her and looked up in the direction of where the team had disappeared.

"Kakashi-sensei. Do you really think that Toshi will follow us? What if she runs away?" Naruto asked his teacher.

Kakashi glaned down at the blonde boy who resembled his farther much. He considered his words carefully, cause he could still feel her chakra and currently she wasn't moving. To be honest; he didn't know if she was going to run off or follow them, and this 'experiment' was pretty risky. But the more time she spent with the team and him (and she had spent a lot the past few days) – the more she opened up. This was to test her if she really had developed. But the plan had been a impulsive reaction to what she had done. He couldn't believe that she had seen one of his most precious memories which he had shared with no one in so specific details. If she was clever she could use it against him, and that was what he didn't like.

"If she runs away, we'll complete the mission and go find her after it. I have her old clothes so it would be easy to find her by using the dogs. " He sighed while Naruto looked into the ground with a frown.

"I really don't understand why she suddenly changes like that." Naruto mumbled thoughtfully.

Obviously the kids had different opinions about her. Sasuke didn't like her, Sakura liked her to a certain point but kept it hidden and Naruto pitied her and therefore had come to like her. Kakashi jerked a bit when he felt her move. He tensed up a bit, sharpening his senses and felt her move… He couldn't tell which direction yet so he waited patiently for some time and breathed a sigh of relief when he could feel that she followed them.

I marched stubbornly at the path the team had taken. Step by step I made sure to keep an exact distance to them as I countless times tried to block out images of the young Kakashi and how disappointed he had looked. I'd seen another, dark, side of him which his best friends had experienced and now one of them was dead. I didn't know what happened to the Rin girl. Perhaps she was his first love, perhaps not. I'd never seen her before, and shouldn't I at least have spotted her if they were friends? Maybe she was dead and Kakashi had begun chasing one nightstands cause his heart was too broken. Where'd I even get the one nightstand-thing from? I put a finger to my chin; he just looked like a one nightstand type of guy. And acted like one. I rubbed my forehead frustrated and confused and before I knew of it 6 hours had passed by without pause. Eien was silent, as usual which was find by me. I watched how the landscape slowly began to change. We were at the borders of the fire country and soon in the country of earth. Huge turf fields emerged rapidly and ended in forests again. The wind here was rougher due to the open lands and the fresh wind felt nice. The path became sandy again which meant that we were on the right track. The sky turned darker and clouds began to shred over it.

After some more meaningless walking the team seemed to finally stop. I looked up from the ground which I had taken a particular interest in the whole way. Just the thought of getting a good night sleep sent pleasant chills through my body.  
As assumed the others had set camp somewhere in a small forest, and as I reached the outskirts I spotted a small teahouse by the side of the road. An old man came driving on his bike alone the road and greeted me with a smile as he passed by in a slow tempo, his basket filled with fresh vegetables. In my old town, no one would've smiled to me but here no one knew me. I stopped in front of the small wooden house and looked into vast dark clouds above my head. They hang like mighty flowing giants, threatening to spill their contents down on me. A raindrop made me jerk when it hit my nose. _Déjà vu_, I thought remembering the day I had met team 7 and Kakashi.

I sighed heavily my body finally beginning to sort out the emotions I had felt before. I trudged into the house before the rain got heavy, and inhaled the soothing sent of tea herbs in the warm house. An old half drunken, small man smiled to me sheepishly and lifted his cup of sake at me. Not many people where here and the few there were glanced up at me when I walked over the creaking floor, making my way to the counter and took place on a high chair. I had no money but at least I could get away from the rain without anyone would throw me out like the would've done in my old village.

"Can I get you something?" an old fat lady came to counter and smiled kindly to me, her eyes narrow with wrinkles around them.

"Um, I'm still thinking." I said and took a menucard up to my face to pretend that I would look the different teas through.

The tea-lady left me alone though, clever enough to figure out that I was seeking shelter for the rain. But eventually I heard someone enter. Being completely lost I absentmindedly glanced subtly over my shoulder to take a look at the new visitor. My body stiffened immediately and I looked away and hid my face in the menu card. It was Kakashi, and as soon as I'd seen him my heartbeat began to rise as my mind began to overheat, thinking of what the hell I should say to him. I didn't feel prepared or ready to face him.

_Just, pretend you didn't see him. No, wait. He probably wants to discuss what has happened. Or maybe he has come to yell at me. Or maybe he's so mad that he'll ignore me. Am I supposed to start the conversation? Has he even seen me?_ I growled inwardly and listened as he came closer and closer to where I sat.

_Calm down Tosh. Jeez why am I such a nerve rag? Just act casual! _I dugged my face into the menu card pretending to read it VERY thoroughly. I pursed my lips into a narrow line as I felt him take place in a high chair beside me. I don't think I'd ever been such a nerve rag before, it was almost embarrassing.

"Hello sir, can I get you anything?" the old lady asked Kakashi. She was brave I thought.

"What teas do you have?"… Shit, I was sitting with card.

"Oh! You're a Konoha-ninja, what an honor. You can have the first one for free. Here I'll make you my favorite." The old lady chirped

"Thank you." Kakashi answered pleasantly, supposively smiling. I wouldn't know, I couldn't see him…

This felt beyond stupid. He sitting there, getting free tea because of his status, and then me hiding behind a menu card. I tightened my mouth stubbornly and stared dumbly into the menu, the letters blurring out cause they were too close. I took in a deep breath and prepared to apologize once again. I held in the gulp of air and listened to the silence of the tea house. I lowered the card and looked at him.

"M-master Kakashi?" I stuttered and gulped. I'd never pronounced him properly and only did it to ease his mood.

"Hn?" looked quite dumb-founded, like he had forgotten all about what happened. That lazy-ass expression evident in his eyes.

"Master?" he added. I couldn't help but cock an eyebrow a little irritated cause he didn't take the situation as serious as I did.

"Umm." Great now I was blank again, and it was his fault (I told myself). He sighed though and his expression changed drastically to serious. He looked me directly in the eyes, staring at me with such intensity that I flushed confused under his stare.

"Toshi." His eye narrowed briefly at me and my eyes flickered back and forth, waiting expectantly for him to say that everything was back to normal.

"You did that thing again, like when we first met you. If you really want to come out of prison you have to act more trustworthy or I'm afraid that you'll stay in there the rest of your life. But based on what you told me at the camp, and that you claim to not having done it one purpose I'll give you more time, and a chance to make up for it. Or else I would've seriously considered to kill you." He paused and seemed to scan my terrified face and continued.

"I assume that you still carry the information you picked from my brain—" his eyes became cold as when I'd seen him as a young ninja—" and what you saw was one of my most precious memories. You better keep it close yourself, better yet forget it. My memories aren't yours to suffer from." I'd thought the he was threatening me to not tell anybody, but he threatened me to forget it so I wouldn't be influenced by it the same way he did. Kakashi paused his talking and smiled to the old lady when she came with a warm cup of tea and handed it to Kakashi.

"Here you go." Kakashi handed me the cup while he eyed me warily. I blinked a couple of times trying to comprehend everything he had said, putting it all in order to gain a better perspective of everything. I looked away timidly and wasn't able to say thanks but just folded my cold hands around the warm cup.

"I'm glad you followed us though. To be honest I was pretty nervous about what you would do. I was afraid that you were going to run off." His eyes were kind and lazy again and his genuine warmth reached me. Everything considered, and he was 'afraid' that I was going to run away. That felt kind of positive.

"So… Y-you believe me?" that was just about what I could manage to form on my head at the moment and I mentally slapped myself for choosing such lame words.

"Yes I do." He said and put his arm on the counter to get support as he faced me.

"I've noticed something about you Toshi. It seems that every time I leave you alone you close up again, and I have to start all over with opening you up." He added out loud as if he was thinking to himself. I looked away from his intense gaze and played with my fingers.

"Too much to answer." I muttered and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Take your time. The others are at the camp with Mai." He said.

"Well, firstly… God, no one has ever made me this insecure before. I want you to trust me. I-it's just hard because…" I stopped and sighed hopelessly. I didn't have the words in my mouth to explain or to answer.

"I know you're no ordinary ninja. You have your own problems. That's always in consideration in my mind." He helped.

"Yeah—"I looked away awkwardly—"Well, you're right about the closing up thing I guess. It's like I need someone to wake me up everytime.—"unbelievable, this was my first sincere conversation with Kakashi. I took in a deep breath and manned myself up—" I-I really want to be a ninja, and I want to show you that I can be trusted!" I stated and looked him directly in the eyes to show that I meant every word I said.

Kakashi looked at me thoughtfully and frowned the slightest.

"Fine. That's good to hear." He smiled calmly at me, and I honestly didn't know what to do with myself.

"Hey." The old man who had greeted me by the door said. Saved by the bell. He came over and stood between me and Kakashi and smiled widely at us. He was missing a few teeth and had almost no hair left on his spotted head. We both looked at him dumbly.

"You two. I can tell much about you just by looking. You resemble each other somehow. Wanna hear what I came up with?" he looked a little wobbly and lifted his sake cup. I had no clue in hell about what he was talking about! I shot Kakashi a what-the-hell glance before I looked at the man again.

"We don't resemble each other one bit." I stated as a matter of fact. The old man snickered at me and flashed me an ugly smile.

"Just listen young lady." He stuttered in his drunkenness. He had some nerves, coming up to two ninjas if you ask me.

"There may be a great fire in your soul, yet no one ever comes to warm himself at it, and the passers-by see only a wisp of smoke. That is the resemblance." He nodded seriously to himself as he had looked back and forth at me and Kakashi.

I felt my heart sink the slightest remembering Kakashi as young yet again. I looked over at him and saw his eyes had softened looking at the old man. But his poem was surprisingly true about me as well.

"Old man Kojiki, don't disturb the guests!" the old lady came to the counter and made the old man go away with a mysterious grin plastered in his face.

"I'm sorry. He's an old poet and often make up poems to my costumers." She said as she cleaned a cup.

"It's fine." Kakashi said pleasantly as he looked after the old man.

It felt as if some of the bad tension had faded away with the old man. I wanted to ask him about what I'd seen and was about to open my mouth when he spoke;

"Look, it stopped raining. I better go back to the camp again." He stood up with a sigh and looked me in the eyes.

"Remember to sleep near camp. Even though the others are a bit scared of you now, it's important that you stay near us so that you aren't entirely alone." He smiled to me and I tightened my jaw and nodded stiffly to him. I tightened my grip around the cup when he was out of the house and looked at the spot of tea that was left. What was I supposed to do now? I didn't notice the old man by my side before a heavy smell of alcohol hit my nose. I snorted and looked at his grinning face.

"What do you want old man?" I sighed and looked solemn down at him.

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it's yours." He grated in wisdom and smiled genuinely to me. His words settled in me and seeped into my aching heart. If he was right, my future could be a lot brighter than how it looked now.

"Old man! What did I tell you before?" the old lady shouted and the old man and strode off with a satisfied smirk.

After a while I stepped into the night and breathed in the moist night-air. The stars hung like glitter in the sky very clearly. I sighed sorrowful and moved my eyes to the turf fields which were as dark as the pupil of Kakashi's sharingan. Only the reflection of the moon in swaying grass floated like a wave over the turf. I turned around and began to walk into the forest to find the team's camp-side. I could sense their chakra weakly and walked deeper and deeper into the forest which in daylight hadn't seemed so big. The high turf and plants licked the dew off on my legs, cold and yet soothing as I made it further in. The moon could barely shine in through thick petals above my head. Luckily I could soon see the light of the team's fireplace and I walked close enough for hearing what they were talking about. I settled in between two trees which stood closely together and leaned up against the large roots which formed as a perfect backrest. They were all silent around the fire, but all awake.

"Mai, could you maybe sing a song?" Sakura broke the silence and I could barely catch what she said. I could see the tip of Sasuke's head from my spot, but nothing else.

"Good idea. A song is always nice." Mai chirped.

"I use this guitar and put some of my chakra into it. By that I can bent the vibes into other sounds and rhythms." She explained happily.

Eventually the tones began to echo through the forest, soothing and relaxing as she sang. The tones vibrated and fit the deep darkness of the forest. Lonely and sorrowful;

_Though we share this humble path, alone  
How fragile is the heart  
Oh give these clay feet wings to fly  
To touch the face of the stars_

Breathe life into this feeble heart  
Lift this mortal veil of fear  
Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears  
We'll rise above these earthly cares

_Cast your eyes on the ocean  
Cast your soul to the sea  
When the dark night seems endless  
Please remember me…_

I was half asleep when she ended the song, and was only woken up by Naruto's voice.

"Kakashi-sensei? Is Toshi sleeping all by herself out there"? He sounded kind of drowsy. I sharpened my hearing and heard Kakashi clear his throat being all aware of the fact that I was listening.

"Yeah she does. But I told her to stay near us. So don't worry." He answered.

"So she's sitting out there in the darkness by herself?" he said sounding awfully suspicious.

"Shouldn't someone be watching over her or something?" he added and chuckled nervously.

"Don't worry, she has slept alone all of her life. I think she can manage." Sakura said but her voice wasn't quite that convincing.

"I'll bring her some food." Naruto said suddenly enthusiastic and I heard a few branches crack, assuming that he probably had sprung to his feet.

"You idiot! What if she kills you?" Sasuke snapped and I could see him sit deadly still. My heart dropped though. That one hurt. Naruto was being so caring, and then Sasuke had to ruin it all.

"Listen you guys—" Kakashi sighed, about to explain something—"She told me herself that she has no intensions to kill us. And I could see that she wasn't lying. But as you all know she has had a tough life and it's hard to change as fast as we want her to." He paused. It was quite weird to have someone stand up for me. I don't think anyone had ever done that before.

"You have to understand the reason why she is with us on this mission and are joining our training at home. I've told you all before, but she's being educated just like you guys. The only difference is that she's an excellent ninja, but she has to evolve personally and socially to be a true ninja." Everything he said was something that I knew, but hadn't really given much thought.

Before I knew of it I woke up the next morning, sore from laying up against the tree. A few jets of sunlight hit my face from in between the petals and made me narrow my eyes at the suddenly bright forest. I then rubbed my eyes drowsy – to believe that I'd slept that heavily being alone in a foreign forest. It was probably because I hadn't gotten any sleep last night. I sensed activity in the camp nearby and could hear (and assume) that they were on their way. I sat up more straight and stretched out my arms and shoulders to shake some of the night's cold off. I blew in my cold hands to stop the morning chill as I just sat drowsily for some time, waiting for the team to move on. I wasn't and had never really been a morning person and hated people who were energetic at mornings, they was just beyond annoying.

"_Toshi?" _Eien's voice echoed in my head and I jerked my head up in surprise.

"_Remember to keep your head cold. Don't lose your temper or do anything drastic. And consider carefully. You still don't know what will happen when you come back to the village_."

"_Have you even been following ANYTHING of what have happened!"_ I sneered at her.

"I _can see things in your mind you haven't even noticed yet yourself_." I frowned by what she said and rolled my eyes.

"If I'm not aware it of then let it be!" I said out loud with a big shrug before I took a deep breath in, annoyed by her sudden silence. She always decided to show up on the most weird places.

After the team had left their camp I began to follow them silently. I still felt a bit dozy and hated walking in the cold morning when being tired. You know; you just want to be cozy in the morning! Not that I often felt that, I mostly slept outside, but still! Lost in my own thoughts like usually I snapped my head up when I felt a drastic change in the team's chakra ahead. I was too far behind to see them in the steep landscape and began to feel nervous.

"_Something's wrong_." I thought feeling my heartbeat already rising.

"_Now is your chance to show them that they can trust you_." Eien said faintly in my voice as I began to speed up my pace.

I began to run as fast as I could cause I could feel something was seriously wrong. I ran as fast as I could until I arrived at an old open mine blocked by large boulders. A wild wind picked up in my clothes and hair as I stopped to pin point where they were. I heard loud voices from the mine and ran to large boulder to peep behind it. Far down in the hollow was three ninja's I didn't recognize and judging from how the team was spread – they definitely weren't friends. Sakura was helping Sasuke – he looked injured, and Mai stood not far behind those two. I moved my gaze to Naruto who stood in front of one of the ninja's guessing that he probably had done something impulsive if I knew him right. Kakashi stood further down the mine, unable to help his students from the one ninja by Naruto. My heart raced fast with excitement and fear. Apparently killing and having someone close to you be killed are different experiences. But for me the enemy had always had always been nameless and faceless and the reality of death only sunk in once someone close to me maybe was about to die… My mind began to race with possibilities and it was hard to focus. In a blink of an eye Kakashi was attacked by the two ninjas by taijutsu. I could tell that they were pretty fast, but not fast enough for Kakashi to use his sharingan.

"Tell us where Setsuko Toshi is boy, and I'll spare your life!" I snapped my head to Naruto again when I heard my name from the stranger. But Naruto was too stubborn to step aside and stood dangerously still. Great, so we had run into a bunch of bounty hunters. I knew my head was worth much, but sometimes I wondered how they hell they could know where I was.

Kakashi jumped along the steeps of the mine dodging attacks from the two male ninja's. The ninjas was too excited about the battle and obviously didn't notice how fast Kakashi had made a summoning hand seal and subtly put it on the steep. But there came no dog, or anything summoning-like. Was he out of chakra? No way, that couldn't be.

I moved my attention to Naruto again realizing how dangerous the situation was for the kids, and it was all because of me. It was stupid of me just stand and observe them fight – had I really learned nothing? The ninja in front of Naruto drew out a sword from his sleeve and everything in me just started burning in a new controllable way. Kakashi was too busy with the two others, what the hell was he doing anyway? He could easily take them down. But there was no one to block the sword for Naruto. In pure instinct I reacted and jumped forth, transforming into my lion form in a gust of wind. In what seemed like the blink of an eye I had my teeth buried in his unprepared arm in which held the sword. I could feel how his flesh surrounded my teeth and how his bone cracked from the force.

Naruto feel backwards when the tip of the sword barely brushed his jacket. He watched, almost terrified how the lion crushed his opponents arm and in the blink of an eye barely took in the sight of it. Its fur glistened in the light of the sun and he could see the large fletched muscles under the skin like it had just stepped out of a farytale. In a second it released its grip around the ninjas arm, opened its mouth once again and attacked the ninja by the throat before he had a fair chance of reacting. They disappeared from his sight as quick as it all had taken place and felt the earth shake further in front of him as a pile of dirt and dust swirled into the air not far from Kakashi.

"Naruto are you okay?" Sakura called from behind him.

"D-did you see that?" Naruto stuttered trying to make out the outlines of the lion in the cloud of dust.

Kakashi narrowed his eyes to be able to see through the cloud of dirt. His dogs had gotten one ninja down from under the ground and his other opponent had frozen completely just like himself. It was like a veil of silence had covered the whole mine now. Was it Toshi? A breeze crossed the mine and played with his hair and helped blowing some of dirt in the air away. He was able to see the outlines of a figure of something big. A few openings in the cloud revealed white fur of an animal and he was suddenly able to see a white lioness. Shocked he adjusted his foot better in the dirt while he watched how it hovered over a body, raising its head enough to see the damage it had done. Everyone waited anxiously for it to move again. The cloud blew away quickly and he could see clearly how blood dripped from its mouth like it had been thirsty and drunken greedily. It breathed hard through its mouth, the red blood dripping in an outstanding contrast to the white fur. There was no doubt about it; the ninja was dead. Kakashi's opponent squeaked in fear and began to panic but he didn't take any notice of it. Was that Toshi in her lion-form? No wonder she gave the people in her village a feeling of impotence. The creature before him made him feel small in awe. With such strength she could've killed the kids so easily. Her nose wrinkled up in a snarl as she moved ice blue eyes to the ninja held down by Kakashi's dogs.

"Wha-what is that thing?" the shouted terrified, cause he was held down by Kakashi's dogs.

Kakashi's opponent backed away, his eyes fixated on his dead comrade. And that was just about what it took for him to put his tail in between his legs and run off.

"Don't leave me you coward! Come back!" his comrade, trapped by the dogs shouted.

Kakashi's legs wouldn't move he was to astonished. But he knew that he had to be careful. He didn't know if it was "her" or that lion inside of her, controlling her moves. No, he rather didn't dare to move, afraid to provoke her. He jumped a bit when she raised her head up high and he couldn't fight the urge to just look at her. His eyes glad to the forehead of the lion where the pearl which usually sat in Toshi's neck, now was engraved into the forehead. It sparkled in the sunlight with a mix of purple, blue and pink. He moved his gaze to her eyes and caught his breath when she stared right back at him, her eyes glistening maliciously blue. But her eyes softened quickly and he could see that she had made up her mind that she wanted to protect the team and was in control. The more she opened up to him, the more fascinated he became of her. Something that wasn't like him at all. He blinked when she growled loudly exposing her sharp set of teeth. The felt the growl rumbled inside of him like small sound waves, pleasantly and safe.

"Pakun." He called without removing his gaze from her. The dogs released the ninja and he stumbled to his feet and ran after his comrade. Toshi remained calm as she watched the ninja disappear out of the mine.

Good for me that blood tasted better when in Eien's form. I could feel it dangling from my mouth and was actually disgusted by the sight. It had been a long time since I had used her body therefore it took more strength out of me. I didn't quite know what to do. Everyones gazes was directed at me, and I could feel – and see how Kakashi stared at me. He looked somewhat amused and it was hard to tear my eyes away from his. Had I scared them all now? Where the kids mad at me know? What I couldn't comprehend was that this was the first time EVER for me to have protected someone's life. The kids came running to stand in front of Kakashi, a few feet away from him, and I was able to release my eye-lock with him.

"Who are you?" Naruto shouted as he pointed rudely at me, his chest moving hot-headed up and down. Kakashi seemed to snap out of whatever state he was in and walked up behind Naruto.

"It's Toshi." He said calmly coursing all the kids to gasp.

I looked solemn down at the dead body and stepped away from, used violent sight. But I was confused and couldn't help but suddenly feeling small under their gazes. In reality it was ridiculous to be suddenly afraid of them, but it wasn't them I was scared of, but their reaction and so far no one had said a word. I transformed in to my human self and was afraid to look at them as I did. I was bending over slightly and reached up a hand to wipe away the blood from my mouth.

"That was totally awesome! How did you do that? Huh? Huh?" Naruto burst out and strode to me, his eyes glistening enthusiastically.

"Can you teach me that technique?" he shouted gladly and began to blab and plead. But I felt speechless as the other kids came over to me.

"I knew we could trust you." Sakura said as she tried to push the blabbing Naruto aside.

Mai joined in curiously for the first time looking genuinely grateful to me. There was only one thing wrong. Kakashi didn't say anything. He was simply standing there, staring at me obviously and thoughtfully. If I wasn't mistaking he was saying something to Pakkun, but I couldn't tell what because of all the kids who was talking to me. Maybe he was mad at me again? I found that I feared Kakashi's reaction; for some reason it mattered a lot to me. I'd seen much about him, felt what he felt, analyzed his difficult personality… Thinking about it no one had ever come this close to me let alone that I'd just rescued the kids.

I pushed the kids aside and began walking towards Kakashi. I mean; I had to force some kind of reaction out of him. I desired his trust more than anything at the moment. So what was up with him now?


	7. Air for life Chapter 7

"Kakashi?" I couldn't muster anything else but letting out his name in a silent whisper. I stopped, strictly leaving proper space between us pointlessly trying to read his expression. But before I realized it, he smiled to me, genuinely and relieved. I found that very confusing; what was he up to?

"I knew you had it in you." He said in relief, actually sounding kind of casual as if he had witnessed the most common thing in the world. He began to walk towards me, locking me in place as if he had some mystical power. Nonetheless; I couldn't believe his words, it was almost surreal to me. My heart began to race, banging against my chest as if it could make a whole through me in any second. Kind of made me light headed, taken that I wasn't used to dealing with this kind of emotion - this happy emotion. It wasn't like an adrenalin rush (well maybe in the same category) but more like… well that lame phrase called 'butterflies in the stomach'. He friendly laid his hand on my shoulder.

"But you're stronger than I thought." Even though he sounded genuine, it was like he still had something in mind.

Besides that; I was sure I was going to react to his touch, but absolutely nothing happened. I didn't jerk, I didn't jump or move repulsed away… Just nothing except for at slightly tinkling – sort of burning – sensation. Once again, like in the teashop, I just stood there like a moron completely incapable of pressing a word out. He removed his hand seeming to be a little confused about my silence as the kids came running over again.

The rest of the way to the grass village was actually quite easy compared to the rest of the trip. Mai was safely returned and the mood in the team was much better than before. Now there was no more walking behind the group but I was actually being a part of it which suited me surprisingly well.

Perhaps the home trip was a bit awkward even though the kids were quite enthusiastic and happy about the whole thing. Kakashi ACTED casual even though it was clear to me that something was sticking under. I noticed how his jaw clenched and tightened rapidly and that he didn't say much. Maybe it was just me who was being just a tad paranoid; I mean he didn't talk much in general unless necessary. The trip home was naturally quicker and after some running and jumping the gates of Konoha came into sight in the brightness of the day. A foreign feeling swelled up in me as if I was home… What was going to happen now? Maybe that was why Kakashi was so silent; because he didn't know what was going to happen to me. My stomach turned a bit by the thought of prison and I gulped.

"Finally home!" Naruto said when we were all standing in front of the gates. He yawned and stretched his arms behind his head and began to trudge through the gate.

"Before you go to the ramen shop we have to go see the Hokage, Naruto." Kakashi said, honestly looking like he'd rather skip.

But just getting the Hokage-visit over with was all I wanted. The sun was already setting when he reached the building and the hokage seemed genuinely pleased with the success of the mission (a few details left out). But nothing was certain yet. First of all; Kakashi had to deliver a report about the mission and me, which I was so lucky to get to watch him do at a teahouse in midtown. Everything had been kept strictly none-physical, I was aware of the space between us. Bottom-line, I knew that I had to enjoy my time out as much as I could.

"Actually I had no idea that you were THAT strong." Kakashi said suddenly after some time of small talking, on our way to prison, just after he had delivered his report. He sounded serious and didn't even look at me.

"Sorry I didn't tell you." I said with a shrug. There wasn't much I could do about it anyway. A shot deep growl escaped his throat as he glanced suspiciously over at me. My eyes flickered back and forth at him as we walked like that for a few moments, and I became more and more uncomfortable with his thoughtful staring.

"You're hard to figure out." He declared dryly at last.

Relieved that he didn't say more I just looked away and kept walking, watching how the sky turned dark purple. Sand and stone crunched under our feet, casually finding the sound soothing somehow. All of my worries were forgotten for a short period of time as we stroll casually down the streets, but came smashing back as soon as the prison was in sight.

"Here we are." He said and dug his hands further into his pockets. I could tell that there was something uncomfortable about him. Or maybe he was just tired?

I'd actually forgotten how depressing the prison was and sighed heavily to prepare myself for the darkness. The heavy doors cracked open as we entered and I was as usually greeted inappropriately by a guard.

"Greetings Master Kakashi… Setsuko." Standard greetings from a guard would normally be being ignored, but due to me apparent increased status because of being Kakashi's 'apprentice' they actually could muster to say my name. Not that I cared. I knew they were jealous; what right did I have to be a criminal, reluctant to receive training and then come under the wing of Konoha's most respected and notorious ninja? If you asked me it was actually quite a waste of talent to put Kakashi up with me (put away some pride to admit that). Unless, of course, it took a certain talent to get through my thick skull. Nonetheless, being his prentice at the moment only bred more hate towards me. I really hoped it would get better when I got to move out.

"Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow." Kakashi said and scratched his hair tired as the guard closed the door to me cell.

"Yeah I hope so." The words spilled out of me in an annoying happy way… Like flirty (in my own, probably to others, not very flirty way).

I could've slapped myself hard if I wasn't already trying to cover up my embarrassment, all the while Kakashi just looked a bit dumb-founded and amused by my positive choice of words. The door clicked shut, and I turned around to take a look at my familiar cell. The past days events seemed far away now. The cool temperature hit my skin like a cold wind and the cement floor seemed to seep into the sole of my sandals. It was now dark outside, and the moon stood high in the sky, illuminating streaks of light at the floor and my bed. I sighed and plumed down on my bed, trying desperately to block out the feeling of abandonment. But I couldn't help but think about what the others were doing outside. Maybe the kids were eating nice warm ramen, and perhaps Kakashi was reading his book in his big apartment. I'd never seen his apartment but had always pictured it to be big, all the money he makes considered. I was the least of their concerns right now. I took off my sandals and hung up the heavy green vest and the only hook in my cell. I brushed my face a bit frustrated and growled tired. It wasn't like me to think like this. I lay down in my beloved clothes and pulled the cover over my body to warm myself up. But I couldn't sleep. Pictures of what I'd seen in Kakashi's mind kept drifting around in my mind as pictures.

"Dammit!" I cussed and punched the bed with my right hand, dust swirling up from the madras and into the moonlight. Like I hadn't seen worse memories…

I opened my eyes to the sunlight and shone in though my window the next morning, and as usual it took some time for me to be clear in my head. The fine metal slats by the window made a striped figure over my body, and I could feel every inch of my body where the sun hit me. A nice summer breeze brought in wonderful scents of grass and flowers. I was always very aware when I was half awake. But as the first thought of Kakashi traveled to my consciousness I snapped awake. He could be here at any moment. I sat up quickly and still a bit drowsy, waiting for the blood in my body to adjust to me position. I'd sat up to quickly, woops. It was a bit too cold, and I pulled the cover more over my body and saw that breakfast had already been served. A piece of bread, butter, jelly and milk. The most boring breakfast you could get. I rubbed my eyes and walked over the cold floor to take my food, and began to eat drowsily. After that I was actually quite quick to regain some energy and waited impatiently for Kakashi to come.

An hour flew by, the next hour and next. I began to get annoyed; I knew that I'd risen early but they would usually start training in the morning. But I didn't lose hope, he was known for being late. I had my eyes locked at the door, and listened with excitement for any footsteps that sounded like Kakashi's. The morning turned to afternoon and the afternoon turned to night and I knew he wouldn't come at night. A bit disappointed I gave up and lay down on my bed again. Maybe they were all taking a day off to enjoy themselfes. None of them just hadn't thought about how limited fun was here. To think that my day had just gone by like that.

And so the pain began. The next day I woke up quicker than usually, energized and excited to come out. But just like yesterday, nothing happened. All day I waited and went disappointed to bed. The following days weren't any better and I became more and more miserable. My thoughts began to wander. Why didn't he come? Was I too strong to be a Konoha-ninja after all? The flower of hope that was whenever I woke up became only a small seed of hope. I felt hollow, and couldn't stand the sandpaper thoughts that graded on my sanity. I stopped putting on my ninja clothes and stayed in the white prison clothes. My cell began to scream of emptiness and I lost count of the days. I still refused to use prison showers and therefore was dirty and nasty again. The abandonment filled me up, being used to deal with it I'd forgotten it after many happy days. I should've enjoyed my last moments with Kakashi some more. I should've taken full advantage of the trust the team had given me in the beginning. I pulled my legs up and hugged them as my face cringed of the thought of Kakashi's expression after I'd entered his mind. I should've known - I should've paid more attention to his behavior, foreseen that this would come. I saw his younger face in front of me again, and realized that I somehow pitied him and wished that he hadn't experienced such things. It began to prick behind my eyelids and naturally my lips curled back over my teeth. Why didn't I see it coming? It was obvious that no one came close to him; he claimed to have lost all his loved ones coursing some reluctance to let others get close. He still endured great pain from his past. How could I even have thought that his 'interest' in my development was genuine? I was a mere criminal, last in line to get close to him. _Stupid stupid stupid stupid_! I sighed; he had seemed so genuine on the mission. It was like he had given me a taste of something really delicious and then taken it away, saying that I would never get more. I shot my head upwards and took a deep calming breath in as everything in me melted into anger, hate and betrayal. In a jump I was up from my bed, panting hard in shock of a sudden pulse of Eien's chakra.

I opened the door to my cell a bit aggressively, deciding for the first time to go outside in the yard. The hallway was silent except for a guard who looked up with slight surprise before he continued with his soduko. A breeze ran through the hallway having entered from the door to the yard. It brought a fresh scent of summer, grass, flowers and leafs. I followed the hallway ignoring inmates that walked past me. Light streamed from a door and I could barely tell what was on the other side. It had been a long time now since I'd been out in the sun and I had to hold a hand over my eyes to block the sharp sun. Everything was too bright and big a contrast right now. The weather was a good temperature not too hot and not too cold. A fine shadow pattern lingered on my skin, and I looked up to see a fine fence above my head. I sat down under the shadow of the wall waiting for my eyes to adjust to the brightness and was happy that I'd made the decision to go outside. Inmates were working out in the sun, standing in small groups. The ground was sandy and just outside the fence, luxuriant grass grew wildly, untouched by the prisoners. I wished I could lay in that grass… Either way, the sun seemed to help a bit in my aggressions. The few clouds in the sky flew fast today, there were probably a lot of wind up there.

It's hard to tell if I doze off a bit, I probably did, but as something in front of me blocked the sun and I opened my eyes to gaze up at a tall figure of a broad and muscular, balled man.

"You're that kid who never comes out of her cell, aren't you?" his voice was raspy as if he had used it too much in his younger days. I moved my head a bit to the side to see around his legs and saw his gang keeping a good watch of us. No one in prison bothered others unless they had their gang watching their back. Annoyed and slightly offended cause he called me a kid I took a hand to my forehead to see him better:

"Yeah. So?" I said indifferently.

"You spent your days in there waiting for somebody, don't you? Well you better get used to living here, cause we all got plenty of time." He smirked and didn't look very intelligent.

"I'm not waiting anymore, so quit bugging me." I answered, getting more and more annoyed by his very presence. This provoked an outright laugh from him.

"You're just like all the others! Waiting for someone to bail you out." He grinned. I tried hard to keep my expression plain

"Well then, meanwhile you and your baldy head can just bail from me." I snapped, my voice dangerously low.

"Well, I wouldn't be wrong to say that a pretty girl like you could get some good offers from a pimp or some inmates with contacts." His expression was the wrong kind of pervy, and I had to keep my temper from boiling.

"I would never sink that low." I answered.

"Tale as old as time. You probably got what you deserved." He grunted and looked down at me superiorly.

"Taken that you probably know who I'm waiting for, I can't judge your pathetic condescending." I said and released a good amount of Eien's chakra that had been building wildly up in me.

Amused by the sudden burst of wind he looked around and came to the conclusion that I was up to something. Suddenly he flung his large fist right for my face, and it took me slightly off guard and I barely moved my head enough before he crushed the brick wall behind me. Quickly he pulled it away and launched for me again but this time I reacted quicker and rolled into my back and swung myself up in standing position by his right side. He was too slow to notice and crushed the wall again, but turned to me with a;

"Why you!". I stared at him blankly; this was exactly why I avoided this area.

"I'm going inside." I said indifferently and turned around to stroll inside again. Everyone here was just lame. But he was very predictable. Attacking from behind, come on? That was pretty clumsy of him. I dodged and spun to my hands and swung my legs up in a furious double kick and hit him twice in the chin. Weak as anticipated he stackered to the ground and landed with a hard grunt, as his gang came running as backup. I could hear guards approaching as well, and took defensive stance with clenched fists held up in front of my face. I landed a few good hits at his mates, before I was tackled to the ground by shouting guards like I was the bad one.

"Hold her!" one shouted by my side and pushed me head hard into the ground before I was pulled roughly up by the arms, a guard standing closely in front of me to push me further backwards. My temper was boiling so bad that I went completely numb like the silence before the storm.

"That bitch was picking a fight with me!" the inmate winced and brushed some blood away from his lips.

I didn't get to hear much more before I was dragged roughly through the hallway, barely able to get my feet to the ground. This was standard presidio for the guards and I smartly followed without one word. They bashed in the door to my cell and basically threw me inside and barely caught my balance.

"NO fighting." A guard shouted at me, and I recognized him as the guard that usually stood in my hallway. Unable to focus, adrenalin pumping through my veins I flinched when they shut the door harshly locked.

I was infuriated. I wanted to get out the prison. Konoha couldn't hold me if I didn't want to. But what right increases Konoha to act as judge in question of how I organize my life, and what principles and values define their internal system? The answer to that was: with the right it rests with the strongest, who we must all conform to. Quite simply Konoha's Hokage declares me vitally important to the Land of Fire's interest. Who was I to deny the laws of a greater power? I started from the bottom of the system and had to fight my way up to be accepted into it. I was the one who had to wait longer than the rest. Many sleep in the rain but I was going to be awake in the storm.

There was fire in my heart and a riot about to explode into flames. Eien was now in my head, and I had to sit down on my bed to control my violently shaking body. I hugged myself tightly in an effortless attempt of trying to hold myself in place. But I wanted to badly to break out and feel the overwhelming surge of power that came by landing a fist at someone… Or even better; feeling the ripped flesh around my teeth.

"_Hello…" _Eien's voice echoed through my head, breaking the intense silence and I knew that I couldn't control my instincts anymore.

"What?" I choked already knowing what she wanted. She wanted that chakra release just as bad as I.

"_Just giving you someone to talk to_." She answered her voice bitter sweet and intoxicating. I kept silent even though she could hear my thoughts.

"_You know you're strong enough to get away Toshi. You can do it. He's not coming back, you have to get out there yourself. And now you're healthy enough to break away. Or would you rather stay in here and die?" _she was getting to me.

"Wh-why wouldn't he?" I stuttered. There you go, I still had some common sense left.

"_Why WOULD he_?" her voice became increasingly louder and her question had lingered in my head for some days now. I sat there for a while hoping that I could calm down but it was for no use. My anger and frustration only got worse. I wanted to just let this prison burn up, and adding Eien's inputs of ideas I wasn't able to hold back anymore.

It was like my soul flared up, unable to fit the room and I jumped to my feet with such force that every loose object in the room flew into the air and fell down. I couldn't take it anymore… I had to get out, now! Frustrated and confused I allowed Eien's chakra to unfold inside of me and I transformed into the lion-form. I roared in relief and frustration, untammed bashing through the thick metal door as I roared ferociously. The door and I flew to the opposite wall of the hallway, bumps engraved in the thick metal from my huge paws. Still clinging to the door I jumped to the cold floor, eyes wide open and stressed. I scratched deep marks in the cement floor to stop myself as I looked at the guard who had dropped his soduko and stood completely petrified, looking at me.

"S-stop!" he stuttered, failing in sounding confident.

"Get out of my way!" I roared. His eyes flickered insecurely and it looked as if he was glued to his place. Too bad for him though. Indifferently I opened my jaws and jumped to the wall at high speed before clenching my jaws around his shoulder, crushing his shoulder before dropping him to the floor. I was already by the entrance to the lobby when the pain sunk in and he screamed in pain. I bashed through the locked door and entered the lobby, aware of everyone in there and ready to kill. Shuriken flew at me but with a blast of wind and chakra I dodged them. Papers flew around the room and the guards were knocked to the ground.

"Setsuko Toshi! Stop!" A guard roared. As if he could frighten me. But I didn't even react to my name anymore.

Out of pure instinct I roared and send the guards up against the wall of the room. My claws left deep marks in the floor as I lashed for the doors of freedom. The fresh air hit my like a honey breeze. It pricked behind my eyelids, but the tears came out as rage towards everyone. Naturally I jumped to a tree looking for the quickest escape. I'd already started up a big uproar. The power I drew from Eien was like a drug, and I was already addicted. I jumped to a roof followed by the next ahead. Jump by jump I was nearing the borders of Konoha, emotions controlling my every move. I created fierce winds to dodge my attackers. It came naturally to me when I was in Eien's form and I sent ninjas flying one after another. I kept it short and uncomplicated. I felt misplaced and hallow as I forced myself forward taking pleasure in the enormous powers I was given. The forest stood green in the horizon, biding me to come.

"Finally." It came out as a relieved whisper when I touched the surface of the large wall which surrounded Konoha.

But in that same instant I felt something was wrong. I felt as if a ball of sudden fear came stuck in my throat, and blood rushed to my head. But it wasn't for the ninjas far behind me, and actually I had no time to think about it.

Forcefully I was crushed to the ground with an elbow planted solidly at me neck, pushing me along the ground of the forest outside Konoha's great wall. Dirt and mud gathered as a wave over my back as I roared in pain. I knew Kakashi had taken me off guard. I knew that I didn't want to fight him. He had come for me and I didn't know if it was as friend or foe.

"What are you doing Toshi?"

My ears were ringing from the crush as I twitched to get out of his grip around my thick neck. I didn't want to put my claws in him and tried desperately to avoid his close body, though he was strong enough to push my down to the ground.

"Relax!" He groaned

Hearing his voice properly was like getting washed away every cloud in my mind. I stopped moving, breathing heavily from my struggle against him as all my hatred seeped out of my body. I was only left with pity for myself and a desire to talk him into forgive me for whatever I'd done to make him keep at bay. I couldn't help but being at the verge of tears; just looking at him – his eyes, they way he hovered, his grip… It made me all the more humble and pitiful. He was in town after all, having left me to rotten in my cell. I sighed deeply as he scanned me, and felt how I turned into my real form.

"Toshi…" He released his grip the slightest, allowing me to rest on the ground, facing him. He shook me a bit to make me snap out whatever trance I was in. I could read in him, that he was very alert for any unpredictable actions.

My eyes flickered at him when I came back to reality, and my mind began to race all choices of word through. His eyes changed the slightest, and looked worried down at me softening his pressure against me shoulders. His sudden change in behavior dug up the friendly and happy feelings I'd had just one and a half week ago.

Kakashi realized that she wasn't running away as 'planned', but that something else had been the course of her actions.

"I… I-I can't stand it any longer." She whimpered and he could barely hear it. She looked scared beyond comparison. Her body was shaking, but she wasn't moving one muscle. She felt weak and fragile under him… Somehow desperate.

"What? What is it you can't stand?" he asked, having difficulties with keeping his voice under control. He shook her softly again, making and intense eye contact to get her to speak. She gulped, obviously trying to hold back tears that made her breath shaky. He was confused beyond comparison by the sight of her in this state and couldn't figure out what had trickered this out of her. It almost looked as if she was afraid of HIM…

"The-the." She stuttered, her eyes flickering insanely at him. I felt several ninja's arrive to help him, even though he had her under control now and was about to take a hand up to stop them, but was too late as they swooshed her away from him, dragging her scared form away from under him.

"Nice job Kakashi, we'll take care of her now." A ninja groaned through gritted teeth while he tried to hold the now kicking and twitcing Toshi down.

"I can't stand to be in there when you're out here. I can't stand the loneliness for so long!" she cried in a desperate attempt to make him understand.

For the first time in years Kakashi didn't know what to do. Taken back by the situation he watched her become more and more and agitated while he just stood there on his knees locked in the same position she had left him in. Five ninjas hovered over her now, trying to hold her down to the ground but she gave heck of a fight.

"No, wait!" Kakashi finally said.

"Don't worry we're getting her under control." A ninja who he recognized to be one of the guards from her prison, as he tried to hold her wrenching and kicking legs. She looked furious and angry now, and it was only a matter of time before she overpowered them again. To think that she could get that fired up in just a few seconds! He suddenly felt guilty for being such a lazy ass, forgetting to tell her that he had to go on an urgent mission. She was now ruined yet again. He was afraid that he would have to start all over with her again, and he wasn't even sure that he was allowed to train her anymore after this.

I was slammed to the cement floor of the lobby in the prison. Using a strong teleportation jutsu this was as far as they could get me. I was in my lion form yet again struggling against six ninjas who was pressing me to the floor. After having met Kakashi and being ripped away from him brutally I had no more common sense left. I couldn't hear one thing around me because of Eien's constant growling and roaring inside my head. I was clear to me though that they were speaking agitated to each other trying to hold my body and legs without getting in the way of my mouth and claws. I tried desperately to get free, digging my thick claws into the cement. I felt like a stressed out animal, as more ninjas came and it all became very chaotic. I snapped towards the man holding my head without any luck and triggered even more ninjas to cast themselfes at me.

Exhausted I fought for some time before a man stood out in the crowd and bowed down to look me in the eyes. In just a few seconds I took in the sight of him; blonde long hair, tied in a ponytail and blue eyes. He looked agitated down at me, as if he had been in a hurry to get here. One inch more and I could bite his nose off…

"It's time that you went to sleep." I could barely hear him in the small gap of a roar inside my head. The man by my head strengthened his pressure at me as the blonde reached out to put a hand over my eyes…

Kakashi ran as fast as he could towards Konoha prison – A-ranked division. Taking contact with the hokage was the first thing he had done, to inform him about the uproar. He knew that the scene she had coursed was going to be discussed, not only by the hokage, but also by his fellow ninjas.

"Kakashi, I heard what happened." Kakashi glanced to his side, seeing Gai jumping along and thanked god for letting Gai be in a serious mood.

"Yes. I'm on my way to see her now." He said, glad that Gai wasn't the judging kind of guy.

"I see you're putting your heart and soul into this girl! That's good! I can't wait to meet her when she one day turns into a fine young lady." Gai began to blab. Okay, maybe Kakashi shouldn't have been thanking whatever-greater-force so soon. Right now, he couldn't picture her becoming anywhere near ready to meet Gai. He would just scare her away.

"I'm not going to just trash her. I've spent a lot of energy on her." Kakashi answered simply, yet again feeling a ball of guilt build up for not having told her about the urgent mission.

"Don't talk like that about a youthful person! The both of us have energy enough for at least 50 people, Kakashi!" Gai said, enthusiastically picking up his speed.

"If you want to see her, Gai, I'd preferre that you keep a distance when I take her out. She's probably not in a very good condition." Kakashi said as the prison came into sight. Gai looked a bit offended but then (thankfully) nodded and disappeared to somewhere – Kakashi didn't really care.

Followed by several guards, he was lead along the hallway and into the isolation area of the prison. For some reason he began to feel nervous; what condition, what mood would she be in? A lot of tension lingered between the guards which made gave Kakashi a reason to be all the more nervous. They walked silently, their steps creating a painfully tensed echo through the hallways. They stopped by a larger door of metal spattered over with big bolts to keep it in place.

"I can't guarantee anything. She might go crazy again." A guard said looking as if someone had sucked all life out of him.

He ripped off a seal with a quick pull and opened the door slowly, every one of the four guards peeping over Kakashi and the one guards shoulder. Kakashi pushed himself in front of the guard who had opened the door, his curiosity getting the best of him. The cell looked completely empty and inanimate like a ghost lived in there. The only thing in there was a madras and a crumbled up form sitting on it. Startled by the sad sight his eyes widened a bit. She was sitting up, hugging her legs tightly and her beautiful face was hiding between her arms and legs. He didn't even know if she had noticed them and felt the guards getting a little impatient behind him, as if they wanted him to go inside. He could see that she hadn't been eating properly and had lost some muscle tissue. She was also dirty, like the day he'd picked her up by the prison for the first time except that she had lot of bruises. To keep it short; he was slightly overwhelmed by her looks. It all seemed like a bad dream, surreal and incomprehensible. He had to stand and stare at her for a moment before it got too much for one of the guards;

"Yamanaka Inoichi (Ino's dad, to those who don't know) made her fall asleep. She must still be a bit dizzy." The guard closest to him whispered, afraid of triggering something. Kakashi only mumbled in response, trying to figure out how he should approach her.

"Toshi—" he said her name, careful not sound negative in any way—"How are you feeling?" he added.

At first nothing happened. Had she even heard him? He took a step into the cell, making sure not jump to any conclusions. But suddenly her green eyes looked fiercely up at him like small lights in the dark. The guards gasped and moved instinctively a little bit away, moving curiously forward again not a moment after. Kakashi laughed nervously at her glare and rubbed the back of his head to ease the mood.

"What's the reason for all this uprising?" he asked, doing his best to keep his voice calm and soothing.

She raised her head up from her arms, keeping his eyes in lock. It was no wonder that the guards were scared of her. It was like she this dark aura around her, keeping everyone at bay. But calmly she removed her eyes away from his, her jaw clenching and tightening agitated in a perfect rhythm.

"Toshi?" he barely said her name before she reacted to his previous questions.

She slammed her fist backwards into the brick wall behind her releasing a burst of roaring chakra and cracking the wall behind her.

"Because! I wasn't going to sit in here waiting for you if you weren't going to come! I thought you gave up on me!" she shouted at him staring intensly at the opposite wall, and he found himself glad the she wasn't looking directly at him. But he felt guilty and couldn't remember the last time he had been this insecure about what to do.

My boiling temperament got the best of me once again as I'd just made a hole in a wall. Kakashi was standing there, so calm and collected as he was trained to be. I still couldn't figure if he was friend or foe. Perhaps the guards had figured that he was the only who was capable of talking to me without I would blow up. I wanted to cry, I wanted to kick him hard in the crotch and scream '_you know why!_'. But after my battle 'against Konoha' I was exhausted and numb. I'd wasted too much energy on nothing. I looked over at Kakashi again when the silence had been going on for too long and saw that his eyes had softened. I felt myself soften immediately just like when I'd met him outside. I clenched my jaw tight, cursing him for making me want to be his friend and for beginning to be a soft spot in me. I tore my eyes away from him again, feeling the burning pricking behind my eyelids.

"Toshi I didn't abandon you. I was on an urgent mission and I just got home today… Luckily." He explained and moved carefully towards me like I was some kind of animal.

My head began to spin in confusion though. Had he just been on a mission? And here I'd been thinking all kind of bad things about him! My heartbeat began to pick up speed and my breath as well. I brushed some hair away from my sweaty forehead with a quivering hand. I felt how my eyebrows began to quiver as well and furrow over my eyes. It was the worst toture I'd ever experienced and for NOTHING.

"I-I thought—" I quickly placed a hand over my eyes when my voice broke. I wasn't used to these emotions and therefore I was bad at holding them in, even though this was what Eien had been trying to teach me all of my life. I didn't want to cry! Not now! With effort I manned back the tears and took in a deep breath to regain my voice.

"I just can't stand to be in here! It's so depressing and lonely!" I spat, my breath beginning to quicken again. My hands shook violently and I basically just wanted to erase everything I'd done this day. I wanted him to forgive me, cause forgiveness removes fear and that was what I felt at the moment. I wanted him to pull me into a comforting hug, knowing that such a thing would never happen.

"It's so lonely in here." I muttered. Seriously, I was pathetic. And for the first time in my life I felt as if I was crying genuinely. One salty tear streamed down my chin and I pressed my hands to my face to cover it away, sniffling like some pathetic loser all the while I took in the burning gazes of the guards.

Something touched my bare foot and instinctively it reacted like a rocket and kicked the chin of Kakashi who had moved over to me without I'd noticed. My eyes rose up to him as I gasped and gripped my foot as if it had its own will.

"Hey!" the guards were on their way immediately but Kakashi held up a hand to pacify them and tell them to stop.

"Don't. It's okay. I guess I deserved that one." He said rubbing his jaw a bit. I stared at him with big eyes. He was sitting so close in front of me that I barely dared to breath afraid the he could hear how shaky my breath was.

I tried hard not to sniffle and to keep the next tear behind my eyelids. I could feel the warmth of his hand that rested beside my other foot and suddenly longed for it, like the day he'd taken my hand outside the Hokage's office. He seemed to scan my face with worried eyes.

"What's going to happen to me now?" I whispered loud enough for him to hear. I rubbed my hands nervously together, also to warm them up.

Kakashi sat in squad position in front of me, silently watching me. I felt his eyes to intensly at me that I began to feel slightly uncomfortable because of silence too.

"We'll talk about that later. I'm going to get you out of here as a starter." He said as his eyebrows furrowed a bit.

A gasped of his forgivnes. Was it really that easy? Why was he so good to me? I'd done many stupid things, so how could he still want to help me? My sudden guilt was so intense that I felt like puking it away. He stood up in front of me and without any warning he leaned over me and dragged me gently up by my upper arms. His hands were warm and pleasant against my cold skin, it almost felt as if it was burning under the skin. Decently he lead my arm around his shoulder to support me and likewise he put his arm around my waist. I was quite startled by his actions, and startled that he could tell that I was in a weak state. Even though I didn't feel very well, I felt super aware of how we stood. It was like we were good friends, helping each other. I don't think I'd ever been that close to a person before. Both mentally and physically.

"Ugh." I moaned when my legs ached and put all my weight over at Kakashi.

"Kakashi I don't think this is such a good idea." One of the braver guards said, and stood protectively in the door way, a hint of insecurity evident in his features.

"I'm taking her to the hokage." He answered and smiled insuring to the guard. As anticipated the guard obeyed Kakashi with no hesitation. I still didn't know how he so easily got away with things.

"Come on." He added and steadily began to walk.

The feeling of being exhausted was beginning to get on my nerves. I'd finally gotten over my wounds on my back and now I was just about as weak again. I tried hard to live up to his strong figure beside me when we walked even though I knew it was pointless. He'd already figured how weak I was, and I would've fallen right on my nose if he hadn't been supporting me. As we made it outside I began to lean more into him and take advantage of his support. I began to relax in his presence and felt that I could allow myself to walk a bit in my own world. I felt nice to just rely on someone else and let them carry your burden for a while. Why'd I never realized that? I would never have guessed that it was actually possible.

The sun stood high in the sky as it usually did in this part of the land in summer. Birds sang in the distance and life in Konoha continued casually outside the prison. I took in the sunlight, closing my eyes and rested my head lightly by Kakashi's shoulder. It was like all the despair I'd felt was far away.

Kakashi noticed that she was lighter than before and worst of all; when seeing her in sunlight her bruises and dirty skin was even clearer to him. But at the same time he could feel that she was finally relaxing, taking his offer of support. Perhaps he had not lost her after all.

"Where're you taking me?" I asked, finally breaking the silence. I just noticed now that we weren't going towards the hokage's office.

"I'm taking you to the hot-springs first." He said, his voice warm and caring. Well, that was a very polite of him. To say that I was filthy without really saying it. He stopped and tightened his grip around my wrist and my waist and jumped to a roof top, carefully making sure I wasn't hurting.

"I guess I'm a bit grimy." I muttered.

I found it very comforting to sway up and down without really doing anything. Actually I was so comfy that I wanted to fall asleep right then and there. Maybe I should start to learn the concept of the bond of a friendship and not panic whenever I was not in their presence.

I didn't take long for Kakashi to transport me to the hot-springs. Still supporting me he walked me to the entrance of the ladies room and stopped just outside.

"Even though I would like to walk you further, I'm afraid that this is as far as I'll go." He said with a grin. For a second I enjoyed the friendly warmth from his eyes.

Taking my time I pushed away from him, regaining my own balance. He stayed until he was sure that I didn't stagger anymore. I walked inside and breathed in the heavy familiar, scent of herbs, relieved that there weren't anyone in the room. I felt a bit sick in stomach and prayed that it would go away when I entered the warm water. I could imagine that it would make me even sicker, and puking in it would be beyond embarrassing. I sat, bummed, down on the bench with a sigh and began, with effort, to pull my arms out of my sleeves. I could hear the running water outside, nice and calming. I think I began to doze off a bit before the door slid open and I gasped a bit startled and saw a woman enter, silently beginning to take her clothes on again. I couldn't muster to take mine off, so it took me twice the time. A door slammed and apparently the woman were finished and I was still sitting with my shirt half off. Perhaps it was about time I began to gather some strength to take it properly off. However, I soon found out why Kakashi had thrown me into this hot-spring. Damn I smelled bad! And to think that I first realized that now, when I'd gotten it off. How embarrassing; I mean how could he even have been so close to me? I checked my arms for blue marks and small bruises here and there, and they were all stinging a bit because of my filthy skin. I shook my head in disgust over myself and took a thick piece of soap to scrub my body.

I quickly changed into the small bikini-thingies which was for borrow completely ignoring the dizziness of suddenly rushing things through. I choose to be nice to the towels and grabbed one by hand instead of wrapping it around my body. I opened the door and was met by the thick steam rising from the warm water. It embraced my body with warmth and I looked to both sides to check if the coast was clear as usually. I strode over the big tiles to the edge of the water and dipped my toe in it to feel the temperature. The lighting was a bit dull because of the large wooden walls and the trees so it was hard to see the figures in the water. I put the towel in a larger stone slowly sank myself into the warm water. At first it bid and gnawed a bit in my bruises, but I forced myself to walk through the water. It stung a bit as I looked for my usual spot under the small bonsai tree and found that my back didn't hurt anymore. But I was still very much on my guard. Taking bath these kind of places was the most vulnerable thing I could think of. I stiffened when I heard Kakashi clear his throat somewhere in the water and automatically plumped my whole body into the water. _Not again! _I thought and cursed a bit at myself. Muttering to myself over my misfortune, I made it to the bonsai tree and sat down with gritted teeth. The past days misery dwelled in me like a big stone of regret as I enjoyed the warm water for some time. I washed my with soap and after that my arms.

"I knew I could find you here in the darkest corner." Haha, very funny. It was Kakashi who was speaking. He'd never had a problem with socializing half-naked, to my great annoyance. He probably knew he had a great body… No, he didn't have a great body!(I didn't just think that.) Suddenly flustered over my own thoughts, Kakashi took place beside me, luckily (of my notion) not noticing that my cheeks had gone a little bit redder. This was my third time being in the same hot-spring as he and as the previous times I began to tense uncomfortably up. I didn't realize either that I was twisting my hair in my hands at the right side of my neck. I stopped myself abruptly knowing that he would take my hair-twitching as a nervous sign.

"So. How's the water working on you bruises?" he asked and pointed lazily with his finger at my arm. I glanced over at him, making sure that he wasn't moving any closer. Per usual he was wearing one of those ridiculously small towels over his face. He looked handsome with wet hair bending over his forehead and not to mention how his trained chest was visible just above the surface of the water where he rested against the stones and—

"Toshi?"

I quickly snapped out of it. I hadn't just glanced at him but literally been staring without giving him any answer. I looked away immediately taking a sudden interest in the water. God I was such a perv! Since when had I become that?

"Um, what'd you say?" I asked flustered.

"How's the water on your bruises?" he asked, cocking his head a bit while burning a hole in me with his eyes. I was confused and felt clouded in my mind under his intense staring. Why'd he stare so much? Did I have something in my face?

"Um… What?" my brain capacity didn't work any further than this. Kakashi sighed and removed his gaze on me, to my relief.

"You're so distracted right now. Such an unusual girl." He mumbled the last thing to himself and the moments after was followed by silence apart from two women who was small talking somewhere. I began to feel a bit more comfortable and leaned more into the water and rested my head at the stone behind me.

"I thought that you had given up on me." The words spilled out of me like vomit. Stunned by my honest words I manage to keep a calm façade.

"Hn?" Kakashi glanced over at me and seemed to suit himself up against the stone edge behind him. He then stared into the steamy air as if he was thinking something through. I bit my lip of silence and immediately regretted my words.

"Honestly… At first I thought that I'd just have to return you to the city and to have nothing to do with you. But then the hokage assigned me to take care of you, obviously knowing that you were going to be a good handful, but still young enough to change." He paused and glanced over at me, his eyes suddenly fierce and cold as they were when he was in battle.

"It was quite a bother. You didn't fit into my schedule, and yes I have one… in my head. I just had three new students to take care of—" I suddenly felt disappointed and wished I hadn't started this conversation. He continued.

"However… " his eyes softened when he saw my expression—" I realized how quickly you were accepting others to be around and how you learned a new way of thinking. Before I knew of it I actually began to care and put my heart into helping you. Not so I could get it over with but because I could see that you were beginning to bloom." He smiled acknowledging to me.

Startled and more flustered than before, I this time couldn't look away from his eye(s). No one had ever before said something like that to me so I had no idea of how to comprehend it. I began to stumble over my words and make awkward sounds that was supposed to come out as words.

"Don't worry. You don't have to say anything in return. At least what I meant is that you don't have to be so paranoid around me anymore." He said, saving me from complete failure.

"… T-thanks." I mumbled and tore my eyes away from his and looked at the blank surface of the water.

I honestly didn't know what to say. And felt a bit bad about just sitting there, saying nothing to him.

"I've also noticed that you can sufficiently control and conserve your elemental chakra into actual wind. That takes quite some skills. And for what I've heard you don't even use hand signs to perform the jutsus." He looked at me a bit more seriously now and I was actually quick to answer his question.

"I don't know what my element are, but Eien's is wind. When I use her body she performs the special signs inside me, and therefore it looks like I don't do anything." I looked at him seriously cause I've always questioned this topic myself.

"It has always come easy to me to control, although I never learned how to locate my own element. When I'm in my normal form, I have to make certain movements to perform the same jutsus as Eien." I said, and saw Kakashi's interest grow.

"Really? It comes naturally to you? So I presume that, that has something to do with your origin?" he asked cocking his head slightly.

"Um. I don't know. I don't know where I'm originally from." I looked away from him thoughtfully. I'd never considered it to be in my genes.

"Can you show me what you do?" he asked politely, with an undertone of curiosity like the day by the waterfalls.

"Um—" I wasn't really comfortable getting up from the water, or showing this to him, knowing that he would remember every little movement—"sure." I muttered.

Hesitantly, I watched him wary as I lifted my upper body up from the water and stood up in the water. I looked ahead coolly, afraid of seeing some pervy side of him. But knowing myself enough, I glanced over at him to see if he was following and tried to reach out with Eien's mind jutsu to see if I could pick up any trace of emotion from him. To my relief I couldn't feel anything and lifted my arms up. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the air around me and the element within. I then began to move my arms through the air in a (to Kakashi probably) foreign wavy way as if I was dragging and stretching the air around me in smooth and elegant movements. I knew how this freaked out others, cause molding chakra means to extract energies from both the body's cells and the mind's consciousness, then mixing them together within, but changing the physical properties of chakra into an element was something else in this matter.

She suddenly looked foreign to him. She looked like an ancient young woman, dancing with her arms as if she could perform magic. He felt suddenly teased and startled by the movements. He shook his head to focus and what she was actually doing and was tempted to use his sharingan. He had never before seen a way like that to use elemental chakra. Where could she have learned that? Hesitantly he opened his red eye to see her flow of chakra.

"I've never seen such movements before." He said as she blew a mild wind across the surface of the water.

"But I see how your elemental chakra flows out of your body and connect with nature's wind-chakra. I didn't know such a jutsu could be performed. It's like it's in a whole other level." He added mesmerized by her.

I looked to the side to see his expression. But he was half up from his seat, and I immediately felt threatened by the red eye that pierced me so deeply that I wanted to yelp. He straightened more up and walked through the water and over to my side, keeping a good distance. Daring to take the chance I kept doing the same movements as before, afraid of showing any signs of distrust.

"Like this?" he asked and then took the same stance like me with legs wide apart, one leg bent and one leg stretched out behind him. He began to move his arms with near perfect accuracy of my movements. Like performing a dance we moved in perfect rhythm except that nothing happened when Kakashi had all the seals performed.

"Yeah. I guess." I said, feeling a bit weird about seeing someone else do the movements. But the movements suited him... and his upper body. For once it was nice to see him do something that took time and calm mind to perform and not super-human speed. It was a bit like seeing him meditate I guess.

"Nothing happens. I know I don't have the wind-element but I should be close with my lightning element." He said, starting to look a bit irritated.  
"And I can't make my chakra do the same thing as ours." He added. I stopped and watched him do the movements over and over, starting to feel a bit sorry for him because nothing happened. A small spark erupted from his hand.

"Hey it worked." I said plopping into the water, trying NOT to look at his damned chest.

"No, it was just me forcing too much of my own chakra into my palm." He said and stopped with a sigh.

"Maybe you need other movements to perform it with the lightening element." I said thoughtfully and began to move back to my seat.

"Maybe it's only you who can perform it. Maybe it's your kekkei genkai. I just don't understand why I never have seen or heard about these movements before." He said looking like he wanted to relent. He moved back to our old spots though sitting down with a thoughtful expression.

"Does... Um Eien know anything about it?" he asked.

"No. She says I was the one who taught her. But I don't get that." I said with a shrug. And then everything was followed by silence.

I'd sure made Kakashi's brain work more than what it usually did. After some time, I began to doze off a bit, staring at the circles in the water. I didn't want to think about where I was from or if I had a kekkei genkai. It was too much of a bother and gave me a headache. Plus it would be such a lame cliché if I had a kekkei genkai on top of having Eien inside of me. I mean, you hear about these lame stray ninja's who doesn't know their origins and it turns out that they have some kind of wonderful, mind blowing kekkei genkai and then they save their village and find their true love. Ugh, come on give me some slack here.

"Toshi? Could I perhaps take a look at your back again. I just want to make sure that it's healing properly." Kakashi broke the silence and ripped me out of my thoughts. He was facing me a bit more now and looked gladly at me, every sign of concern and thoughtfulness gone in his face. My heart rate doubled. Why, o' why did he have to ask that stupid question? Like, the last time I felt almost violated by it except that this time the feeling was a bit more... tickling than disgusted. I had to swallow a huge amount of pride in order to answer yes, cause that was the only thing I could say.

"Um... Sure." I mumbled insecurely.

"I don't get how you can just change your mind like that." I said geniuenly. Kakashi was silent for a moment as he examined my scars.

"If I can't change when needed to, then how can I expect others to?" he answered. I chewed a bit on that one before answering while I turned around to bare my back to him.

"I've always believed that the individual selects and acts freely and is therefore solely responsible for the shape of its existence. But I'm slowly realizing that your friends also play a major role in the form of your existence." Kakashi didn't reply on that one but I felt him move closer, fixated looking at my scarred back.

I bit my lip, getting the feeling that the simple gaze of his eyes touched the surface of my skin and I suppressed the rising feeling of chills that rose under my skin. By every little inch he moved closer I was sure that I could feel the heat of his body getting more and more intense as he neared by the smallest inch. What was up with me anyway? Why was I so madly vulnerable to normal physical contact (which, right now, wasn't even physical). Just the thought of his eyes on my back was just as 'good' as physical contact for me. Jeez.

In a sudden surreal moment I felt the light touch of two of his fingers on my skin. I bit my lip harder, resisting the urge to react to the touch and trying to hide the chills that had already spread on my arms. Due to my good acting skills I presumed that Kakashi noticed that I was unaffected by his touch. The touch became heavier as his two fingers rummaged skilled over my skin feeling every weakness of the scars. I took myself in enjoying the touch on my fresh skin, closing my eyes while falling into the trace of his fingers. It was like everything around us disappeared only leaving the feeling of the touch to be felt. I don't think that I'd ever in my life felt such a pleasant feeling before. The chills kept growing as his fingers moved upwards toward my neck where I was most sensitive. I felt him stop hesitantly by the pearl in my neck and quickly grew annoyed that he stopped his movements.

"Do you mind if I take a look at—" I think I answered his question a bit too fast and a bit too eager, but it just spilled out of me.

"No, go ahead, just don't touch the pearl." I answered and closed my eyes with a sigh.

"Oh." He sounded a bit surprised but I couldn't do anything but to shrug it off.

I felt as if the feeling was doubled around the pearl, that area being extremely sensitive. He took a grip of my shoulder as he moved his face closer to peep at the pearl while his other hand searched the skin around the pearl. He began tracing around it and again I had to suppress kind of spasm that ran through my neck which only made me bare my neck some more. I wanted to bad to lay down and relax so I could enjoy the feeling. I felt my mind cloud and I didn't care whether or not if I was enjoying this. Round and round and round the pearl he kept tracing and I felt as if I was in a trance.

"If I'm not mistaking you're enjoying this." His voice was dangerously close to my ear and that was just about enough for me to realize the situation.

I snatched away, ashamed that I had been enjoying it so obviously. Turning around quickly while I cleared my throat, trying to look as cool as I possibly could, I snapped at him;

"Are you finished?" I glanced sourly over at him and crossed my arms stubbornly.

He looked at me, a bit amused, his hand still lingering there where my back had been. I narrowed my eyes a bit more before turning a shrugged him off, trying to avoid his eyes.

"Why are you always hiding your face anyway?" I asked bluntly.

"Why do you care?" It was the same answer I always got smacked right back in my face, and as usual I had no good answer.

Kakashi, suited himself up against the stones and seemed to relax a bit more into the water. I mumbled something incoherent as I leaned more into the water, irritated and mad at myself. Almost all of my pride was gone with that back-rubbing!

After a few more moments in silence, I think Kakashi's patience had reached its end. The well trained ninja rummaged a bit in the water before he straightened himself some more.

"Well, we better get going. We have a few things to catch up on." He said and stood up, water drops hugging his skin in small streams down his upper body.

I only glimpsed at him, knowing what could happen if I looked for too long… Not that I would ever do that…

"Okay, I'll see you outside then." I said with a sigh and glanced to his eyes briefly. He didn't reply, but momentarily looked like he was about to do so, before he turned around and walked silent out of the water.

Not before I was sure that he had gone inside the bathouse, I choose to get up. I put on my smelly clothes with disgust; unbeleiveable that my clothes had become that smelly. And being clean at the same time only made me more reluctant to take it on again. My hair was now smooth and clean again as I walked outside and I enjoyed the feeling of the wind playing with it. As my body was more relaxed now I could also feel how weak it was and I suddenly realized how blood was rushing to my head due to the sudden cold wind that hit me, compared to the hotness of the bathhouse. Blackspots formed before my eyes, and I felt a bit wobbly and desperately began to search for a railing of wall that could support me.

"Easy." It was Kakashi's voice. He grabbed my upper arm and supported me once again. I fought the urge to snap my arm away as my stomach suddenly let out a long awkward growl. The silence after was a killer. I blushed a bit of the awkwardness, I was pretty much busted.

"Um, judging from your loss in weigh and that long awkward growl I suppose that you are hungry." Kakashi said, and I could hear how he was suppressing some joy in his voice.

"I guess." I muttered and my mouth turn up in a crooked smile.

A delicious smell reached my nose from the street. Having walked more into the center of the town I knew where that scent came from. The small wooden stan, nicely placed in the middle of the street made my mouth water.

"It's cheap and good, even Naruto is a loyal costumer here" Kakashi dodged his head as he pushed aside that paper pieces that hang down from the ceiling… Not that Naruto's food standards were very high I thought.

I pepped inside and was almost blown away by the delicious scent of ramen and beef. I could seriously feel how hungry I was now. The sound of the street was a bit lower inside the stan and I could hear the calm sound of boiling water, the puzzling around and the slurping from another costumer who was enjoying a bowl of ramen.

"You should see yourself right now." Kakashi said, already having taken a seat and gladly watched my amused face.

In one stride I sat in one of the tall chairs, picked up menu and scanned hungrily. Sweet homemade ramen; o' how I would give anything to have my own money so I could buy a bunch of bowl to slurp down.

"Toshi?" I looked up from the menu, searching for the source that had interrupted my precious thoughts. Kakashi looked expectantly at me.

"What? Eh, oh!" My eyes flickered to the menu when I realized that he had asked me what I wanted.

"I'll just take the…" oh man, this was hard. I wanted one with a lot of ramen, and with a lot of meat and vegetables. But it would be rude to order something expensive. No one had ever treated me food before, so what was I supposed to do. I gulped, suddenly struggling with my thoughts and decided to order the cheapest bowl of ramen with some reluctance.

"That one." I pointed to the ramen that was at the top of the menu card, which was ramen with nothing but some chicken taste.

The man behind the counter glanced over at Kakashi suspiciously, giving him a that's-not-how-you-treat-a-lady-look. He laughed nervously and rubbed his neck and quickly grabbed the menucard out of my hands as he looked apologizing to the old man.

"Always joking around Toshi—" he snickered nervously "I think she'll have this one." Kakashi pointed to the Ghetto Yee Min ramen which was one of the most expensive ones. It was with delicious Bok choy and Chinese brokoli, oyster sauce, beef and I could keep going!

As I grew more and more impatient by watching the man rummage around behind the counter, I felt a headache beginning to emerge. I was so hungry that I felt sick, and it wasn't like the scent of ramen helped much. I began to fidget impatiently with my fingers wanting to start hurrying at the old man, but manage to keep my mouth shut because of Kakashi beside me, who by the way was sitting as if he had no worry in the world.

At last when I was handed a bowl of ramen, I began to stuff myself with the tasty noodles. I slurped it in me rudely as if it was my last paid meal, which it very likely could be.

"Aren't you going to eat that?" I asked, my mouth half stuffed as I pointed to the bowl of ramen beside Kakashi.

"No, I bought it for you." He answered with a smile. I stopped chewing, looking genuinely grateful for the deed or whatever you could call it.

"Oh… Thanks." I answered and blinked twice before I pulled the bowl over to the security of my side. After my third bowl, Kakashi cleared his throat and got halfway up from his seat.

"We have some unfinished business with the hokage… We better get going." I drank the last si of soup from the bowl as I looked at his serious face. This wasn't going to be good at all.

"Oh, okay. Well thanks for the meal. Might be my last one." I said.

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The story will soon be updated. Please leave a comment ;) Thanks


	8. Air for life Chapter 8

Finally a new chapter is up! I'm making Toshi taking her time to know Kakashi, i think that's a very important issue to make them fit better together, and don't rush things. That'll be boring.

ENJOY!  
and  
REVIEW

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Kakashi and I walked the long hallways of the hokages office, which I was sure maintained a lot of old secrets about Konoha. I don't know why, but I felt really uncomfortable and itchy by being in this building. It didn't bring forth pleasant memories. As my guards had risen a bit, I could feel the many chakras in the building, and a sudden tension rose in the air as we got closer to the hokages office.

Anger and confusion lingered in the air like a thick mist in front of the door to the office, and I almost felt like vomiting, not being able to retract my mood-sensing. It seemed that I wasn't the only one who could sense the mood inside that room, cause Kakashi looked for a moment like he was reconsidering this visit. It was obvious that the office was filled with ninjas, talking and yelling over eachother.

"Um, maybe we should wait?" I suggested, but was left with a silent Kakashi who was staring at the door. I sighed a bit and listened to the many voices inside and also took the time to really feel the sickness in my stomach.

"Just keep a calm façade, okay?" I jumped a bit when I heard Kakashi's voice and saw him place his hand on the doorknob and slowly turning the handle until it clicked open.

At first, this wave of anger and tension hit me in the head like a bursting bubble. But then the room when completely silent and I felt how every gaze was directed at me and Kakashi.

"Hello everyone." Kakashi greeted the many ninjas, like everything was completely normal.

He took a step in, and I followed closely behind, feeling as if I was mentally boiled by the sudden hate everyone was sending at me. People moved aside, mostly in disgust I think, and even a few people literally took a finger to their nose. I walked closely behind Kakashi, avoiding everyones eyes, only watching the back of his green vest. I could feel how they expected either me or Kakashi to say something.

It was pretty clear that I'd pissed a lot of ninjas off in my desperate escape. I looked over Kakashi's shoulder and saw the hokage by his desk in between the many people. He looked troubled, rubbing his forehead with the tips of his thumps. He made an annoyed throaty sound before he opened his eyes to look at me and Kakashi.

"I think there has been a misunderstanding." Kakashi started out.

Before I could count to one though, the whole room burst out yelling and shouting, and everything was a big chaos again.

"This project has gone out of hand!" I heard someone yell and a larger man stepped out in the crowd and manage to silence everyone with his very presence.

"Kakashi you knew that she could turn into a strong lion and yet you put her in an A-ranked prison!" He said, his voice naturally loud and deep. I'd never seen him before but he was tall and very broad.

"Yes I did but I didn't know that she was this strong." Kakashi replied irritation beginning to show in his face.

"Well you should've known! You were the one who coursed this in the first place." He accused and looked solemnly down at Kakashi which didn't suit the notorious ninja at all.

"Me? I coursed it?" Kakashi snapped back and looked back at the ninja with a nasty stare.

"Yeah! You left her alone. You should've known that, she was unstable and that it would tricker something in her!" the ninja snapped and received some backup "yeah!"s from the others in the crowd.

"You wanna do the job Hachiru, be my guest." Kakashi hissed coldly. Ow, that one hurt. I think that this was one of the rare moments that I'd seen Kakashi being genuinely irritated and mean.

"As a matter of fact I would like to. I should knock some respect into the girl." The ninja moved and grabbed my upper arm which provoked me beyond comparison. But to my luck was Kakashi very good at reading me and put his arm on the Hachiru-man's arm to force it away.

"You shouldn't. You don't know how to deal with her." Kakashi snapped with an edge of his voice so cold that it almost sent chill down my spine. He was good at demanding my attention, no question about that. The ninja removed his arm roughly, pushing me in the process as he laughed wildly.

"And YOU know how to deal with her? So far, your methods hasn't worked one bit!" he looked around the crowd as he laughed getting the others to join. My temper rose sharply. How could he tread Kakashi with so much disrespect?

"Yo—" as before I was cut off by Kakashi. Obviously I had nothing to say in this matter. I was just an object.

"You don't know a thing about her. If my 'methods' hadn't worked she would've killed you on the place right here and now." Kakashi snapped. I took a moment to consider that fact. I WOULD'VE killed them all, now that I think about it. Hachiru looked down at me taking a safety step backwards and now everyone began to yell again.

"You should just lock her away! What's the big discussion here?"

Now, I was used to people not liking me, but this many at the same time who wanted to lock me up… It was simply sickening.

"Silence!" The hokages voice was several tones higher than everybody elses, and automatically made everyone shut their mouth tight. He stared madly at everyone in the room, before he plumed down in his chair with a sigh.

"Kakashi, please speak." He said, his eyebrow quivering the slightest in annoyance.

"No one in here has been really involved with her so I suggest that you listen to me and not the others." He said and was again interrupted.

"Have you seen the damage she has done?" It was the large hachiru that spoke again.

"As I said before, you don't know anything about her, Hachiru!" Kakashi hissed, tilting his head in a way that reminded me of an angry wolf.

"You just don't want to give up on something you have spent so much time on! She'll always be a threat to the village and you know that!" Hachiru spat again, and stepped violently around another ninja as if he was about to attack Kakashi.

Kakashi's eyes were now so cold that they could petrify any civilian, and I noticed the small wrinkle on his nose that had formed. I suddenly felt like taking a step away from Kakashi and that weird aura that consumed him when he felt strongly about something.

"She has made more progress than you'll ever do in a whole life time! She may not look like it. But she has shown me that she's capable of opening up. Never having done that in her life, it took its time, and as you all should know, she's a self trained ninja. She's never had any master." Kakashi was interrupted again, by a ninja in the back with a light voice.

"You can say what you want, Kakashi, she has to be locked up! That girl is a psyckopath." My heart sunk the slightest by these words and felt bad that I was just standing there while Kakashi was standing up for me, even though he had no reason to. Actually the thought of what the other ninjas in this village would think about me, had never crossed my mind up until now.

"Obviously trying to get my point across is a waste of time. But that is something I'll have to work on as well I guess." Kakashi said, looking at directly through the crowd to the person in the back.

"Listen!—" I stepped forward and looked everyone around me in the eyes. –" How would you like to be forced to suddenly change you norms, your values, your way of life because someone thinks it's wrong? My options are to be a criminal target of Konoha, to live in a prison or to socialize with the enemy and change my whole way of living, change my mind and surpass psychological limits which I have never done before? It takes time, obviously, and it doesn't come easy, but I'm trying…" I paused a gulped once with everyone eyes staring at me with that confused look, as if they didn't know whether to hate me or have pity for me.

"When I thought I was let down by Kakashi, the only person whom ever made me see life in a better, one I actually felt had some faith in me—" I kept my eyes away from Kakashi, slightly embarrassed by admitting this, and clenched my jaw. Silence filled the room, but everyone still stared at me like they were debating with themselfes in their minds. It wasn't very ninja like to admit the things I'd just done. I felt Kakashi's gaze burning at me. Ironically enough, I wanted to run out of the room and away from all the tension that was fixated around me. I couldn't believe I was turning this soft.

"That's it! Everyone, OUT! Except you two!" the hokage stood up and looked at everyone as if he had a headache but was trying to look serious at the same time.

Everyone turned to him in shock and embarrassment, but it seemed though that no one had any more objections and left the room, bickering over me. I listened to the footsteps, and soon the room felt more comfortable to be in. I wasn't just me, who was my own worst enemy now, but also the ninjas of the village. The hokage sat down in his seat with a bump and folded his hands, looking as if he was suppressing some frustration. I glanced surreptitiously over at Kakashi, hoping to catch some kind of face kind of face that would indicate what he was thinking. But his normal relaxed exterior was up again.

"Kakashi, what do you suggest that we do with this girl?" The hokage asked and broke the silence.

"Hnnn." Kakashi sighed and looked thoughtfully at the floor beneath his feet before he answered.

"First of all I like to keep 'training' her. Putting her back in prison would be a waste and a big mistake. I was thinking that maybe she could get her own apartment or—" He was interrupted by the hokage.

"And how can you be sure that she won't run away or do harm to anyone?" the hokage asked, as if I weren't even there. Great… I sunk a bit in my stance and clenched my fist. It was just harsh to just stand by and watch other people make decisions for me. Kakashi glanced over at me. I caught his eye and they weren't cold or angry as I had expected. They carried a concern, a deep pondering that made my cheeks heat and my eyes look away.

"I don't know, but I think that we should give it a try." Kakashi said, before he looked back at the hokage. The hokage was silent for a bit while he was thinking it all through and finally seemed to come to a conclusion.

"It's be too big of a risk. I'm sorry but that simply can't happen. The best option is to keep her in prison when you aren't around." The hokage looked sincerely sorry about that decision as he looked at Kakashi.

"There must be some other option. Her progress will only be slowed down greatly if we put her in prison again. And it's like she takes a step back whenever she's put alone in there and I can't keep—" Kakashi wasn't able to keep that relaxed façade he'd just put up again, anymore. My heart began to pound as I waited for the last words I was afraid of hearing.

"I can't just watch as she tears herself apart every time she's being left alone in there." Kakashi's eyes were narrowed and tense and it was clear that some kind of mental battle was going on between Kakashi and the hokage.

"Kakashi, this is a mission – a project! You have to see beyond that. You are a fully fletched ninja, even one of the best in Konoha. You'll have to continue with her wherever she's being held!" the hokage was again standing up behind his desk, shouting frustrated at the stubborn Kakashi. It seemed that the two of them was getting equally frustrated with each other. Small wrinkles had again formed on Kakashi's nose as he stood there, glaring with those lazy eyes at the hokage. I was actually quite surprised by Kakashi's behavior. He was usually so calm, normally not showing any kind of emotion. But just as I began to wonder I saw what I'd seen in his mind. I could see the young Kakashi in his adult face, determined to avenge his lost comrade. Of course, he wasn't going to abandon one more – me:

The grey spiky hair, the piercing dark eyes… His feeling rushed into me from the back of my mind. The exact same ones he had felt that particular day I'd seen. I was sure that he didn't feel that strongly about me, but something on that line. I couldn't force my eyes away from him and I seemed to get caught between memories and reality. I knew that I was somehow under the influence of Eiens chakra right now. I felt as if I could relate to Kakashi's feelings and wanted to comfort him, but I couldn't relate. I'd never experienced something like him, even though I felt as if I had. But I snapped out of whatever state if mind I was in, when a particular sentence caught my ear.

"Well, she could live with you." The hokage now looked calm again and I looked obliviously between the both of them, probably having missed a pretty important conversation.

"W-with me?" Kakashi stuttered, and changed back to his normal mode, except for the fact that he looked a bit scared more… scared.

"Now, that's a brilliant idea!" the hokage said, and leaned satisfied back in his seat.

"I-I-I don't think that—I mean, I need privacy!" Kakashi waved his hand in front of him to excuse himself while he chuckled nervously.

"What do you say, Setsuki?" Thank you. Finally the hokage wants to include me in this conversation.

"Uuum…" I probably looked just as stupid as Kakashi did at the moment.

"Um… Well it would be better than prison, but isn't it, perhaps, a bit innapprop—" the hokage cut me off (I'm getting used to it by now)

"You see Kakashi? That's a good alternative, even Toshi likes it!" the hokage said.

"But…" Kakashi looked a bit troubled. Maybe not the reaction I had hoped for. He looked more like he didn't want to discuss anymore.

"Great then. She'll be under observation at all times." The hokage looked pleased and relieved as he nipped at his pipe.

Kakashi's face was priceless. Simply priceless, as he walked down the street. He looked a bit sick, and a bit resentful at the same time, definitely not having planned this. I, myself was a bit troubled as well. Not only because I was carrying my stuff and Kakashi's groceries, but also because it felt extremely awkward about; Firstly, moving in with somebody. Secondly, moving in with somebody who didn't quite want you to move in and thirdly, moving in with somebody I actually couldn't threaten to move out. Kakashi didn't make it better by blabbing awkwardly about how I had to take my share if I was going to live in his apartment. Not like I chose to move in, and I didn't even listen anyway. I was busy with watching my steps, cause it actually WAS kind of hard to see anything when I was carrying everything in front of me in my arms. His mood had changed from friendly to somewhat annoyed. Not that I blamed him, I wouldn't won't me living in my apartment either. It was opproximately the only place he could be himself and relax. Slowly a street came into view and in the end were a big grey apartment building, not exactly the kind of home I would've imagined Kakashi to live in.

"Right Toshi?" Kakashi interrupted my thoughts.

"Um... Yeah sure." I said bluntly and without knowing what I was actually answering to.

Kakashi sighed heavily and came to halt in front of the big grey building. Two floors up, Kakashi stopped and searched his pockets for a key as I stood and took in the view of the hallway. A narrow one with wooden floors and not very well kept. I'd always imagined that I had his own house, or mansion for that sake.

"You seem so absent minded." Kakashi glanced over at my, as he still searched his pockets.

"Eh, did you say something?" I asked a bit distracted, and really not wanting to answer his questions right now.

"No… But that just confirms that you haven't listening to anything I've said." Before I could answer he seemed to have found his key.

"Ah, here they are." He said out loud and looked a bit the keys as if they some kind of pet who had been hiding from him… Saved by the bell I thought and felt a pocking curiousness beginning to tickle me. His apartment was probably huge, with lots of furniture, a big bathtub, giant kitchen and everything else a high ranked ninja like him probably could afford. A nice guestroom for me with a big bed and my own bathroom and… a… desk? Kakashi's door opened and revealed a small space with a desk up against the right wall next to the window. The room was otherwise a military green, with a few notes sticking to the wall here and there. Kakashi trudged inside, the wooden floor making a familiar cracking sound under his feet. How disappointing. How utterly disappointing this apartment was. I peeped more inside, and moved sideways to get in the narrow door because of all the groceries. A wide bed came into sight… It was pretty clear that Kakashi lived alone.

"Well, welcome your temporary home." Kakashi said and plumed down on his bed and folded his legs.

"This is definitely better than what I'm used to. But I honestely thought you lived more…" I looked for the words but he came first.

"More luxurious? Well… I don't need that." He said like he had read my mind, and scratched the back of his head.

"Well, um… yeah." I mumbled in response. An awkward silence fell upon us but Kakashi was as usual good at pretending that everything was normal.

"So—o, where do I put these. I mean you don't seem to have any kitchen." I asked and looked dryly around.

"Oh, just place them there." He answered and pointed to the bare floor by the right wall.

"Okay." I said with a shrug and carefully put the bags down and turned around.

"How do you even cook. And… Where do I sleep." I just occurred to me that he probably wasn't very willing to share his bed with me, even though it easily could fit two people.

"Well, there is a kitchen which I share with the others who live here, and we share bathroom too. But usually I just use a separate hotplate. I'm not the best cook though, but I eat healthy. And as for the other thing you were asking. You're going to sleep on the floor on a madras." He said the last thing with a smile in his eyes like he was teasing me.

Hell if I was going to sleep on the floor with such a nice and wide bed, just beside me. I could probably trick him into sharing someday.

"Oh… Sounds fine, it's better than what I'm used to anyway." I lied (it didn't sound fine) and took a better look at his apartment. There was a set of narrow shelves by the door, probably a recent addition as it was completely empty. A trunk was standing on the other side of the door, in the bed-side. A calligraphy-style picture of a "scarecrow" face was pinned by the window above his books, which served pretty well to emphasize his name, which meant scarecrow. There were 4 wall hangings which appeared to be a picture of a mountain, the character for nin, a large abstract artwork, and a wall calendar. Kakashi should have lots of money based on the number and quality of missions he had probably been on. He should be able to afford a larger apartment, which indicated the following possibilities: One. He was a miser (though he had treated me ramen), Two. He was rarely home and was usually away on missions, so being practical he maintained a small space, and three. It was his first apartment and he had been too lazy to move… The last possibility was the most logical one, Kakashi's personality considered.

"Oh good… Hn?" Kakashi looked at my pondering face, and probably wondered what was going on.

"I'm just thinking." I said to answer his unspoken question.

"That's something new." He said and chuckled at his own humor and pulled out one of his Make Out Paradise.

I narrowed my eyes at him, though he didn't seem to notice, and for the first time I actually began to 'see' Kakashi. He was apparently lacking of concern of what people thought of him, as he read x-rated novels in public, in front of his students, and even during training and battle. That idiosyncrasy seemed to sometimes causing him to be a subject of ridicule, like when Naruto called him a perv. Maybe he was like that because he was trying to prevent forming close relationships with any woman; who would approach a guy who reads books like that in public? Still, he seemed very liked in the village. Maybe he knew how to treat women because of that book. Or was he the type who depended on his looks and leadership? His kindness, when I firstly began to train with the team was probably superficial as well, though it had worked on me surprisingly well. I would be the first to admit that.  
It was stuff that had lay in the debts of your consciousness and had now reached the surface. It wasn't usually anything I dealt with, analyzing other people, but somehow it fascinated me that this anti-social, private man, who would rather have people think he's a lazy idiot, like his purported best friend, rather than reveal his true nature - actually was taking some kind of interest in me. Whether he, himself knew his own true nature was questionable. But he reminded me of myself at some points.

"You really are absent today… Come on, am I that good looking?" he asked, peeping up from his book and surprising me by suddenly breaking the silence.

I tore my eyes away from him, slightly embarrassed that I'd been staring at him, and began to think again. He was just such a mystery, especially his personality. I could feel somewhere, in my mind a craving for gaining his trust, to open him up and to earn the same love and affection that his childhood friends had earned. I'd felt it when I'd entered his mind. I wanted to go back and change that day for him, or be his friend. But he was avoiding getting too close to anyone unfortunately, and I knew that if I wanted him to change, I had to do myself. That was going to take a hell lot of time. He once was competitive and bullied Obito; He was stubborn and arrogant, as demonstrated by his insistence on using his chidori against his old sensei's advice. Small puzzle pieces began to fit together, though there was still some missing. I glanced over at him again. He sat peacefully and read his book. He had removed that green vest and the headband revealing his left eye. I shook the never answered questions out of my head and moved from my spot. I walked over to the window and noticed that the night hung over Konoha like a black carpet filling the sky with visible stars shining down on the big city. By Kakashis bed, two small frames with pictures were standing conveniently beside his beloved books.

"Is this Obito?" I took up the frame and pointed to the black haired boy in the frame who a wide smile plastered upon his face, standing right next to the young Kakashi.

"And Rin?" I pointed to the brown haired girl with tattoos on her chin, standing on the other side of Obito.

Kakashi peeped up from his book and looked at the frame as he reached out to take it up carefully. His eyes softened the slightest as he brushed the frame off of dust.

"Yeah. Incredible that you can remember their names." He smiled softly as he still looked at the frame.

"Incredible? I wouldn't call it that… Honestly it's just hard to forget your memories." I answered. I had to suppres a nervous feeling that was spreading in my body. I knew that this conversation was a bit out of the comfort-zone for both of us and I noticed how he put up his relaxed façade as I had predicted.

"Well, they're dead now. Don't bother with it." He said bluntly, like they didn't mean a thing to him as he handed me the frame. I looked at it, and looked at the young Kakashi, standing there with that indifferent look.

"You look so sad though." I said and leaned my head a bit to the side to take a better look at him.

"I'm smiling under the mask." Kakashi answered with his eyes set on the page he was reading. He sounded so casual.

"Sure you do." I mumbled, a bit annoyed that he just cut the conversation off like that.

Nope; he wasn't easy to open up. I strangled a snicker that was working its way up my throat. I was trying to open HIM up? Come on! I felt quite good about my analysis of him and smiled proudly at myself.

"Oh well… Do you mind if I take a look at the kitchen?" I asked bluntly after a few seconds of being in another world. He peeped up from his book again, with that grayish eyes he had and opened his crimson eyes too. I couldn't believe that I still got equally astonished every time I saw that eye. I should've gotten used to it by now. But it was so dangerous, and yet a completely harmless and fragile thing.

"Hmm. No I don't mind. I might as well go to bed. No sleep for 3 days takes a lot of stamina." He said and moved his gaze to the book again, and I found that I felt slightly disappointed that I didn't have his eye contact anymore.

The trip to the kitchen was nothing in particular. A nice enough kitchen though; small, old and a bit nasty, but definitely better than a fireplace in the woods, and nothing like the big mansions. There weren't that many apartments in the building either. Actually, when I thought about it, there was kind of creepy and silent. I scratched my ribs bored, before I opened the door to Kakashi's place. The lights were out, and there was no figure visible in the darkness, except for the figure of the plant (which was called Mr. Ukki apparently) that stood in his window which the moonlight hit through the window. A black steep in Kakashi's bed showed that he was laying down under his covers, facing against the wall. I could only see his spiky silver hair pop up from behind the cover. One of his memories flashed in front of me again as I felt myself soften by his peaceful figure. It was no doubt that Uchiha Obito was the great influence in Kakashi's life. Although in adulthood Kakashi called him his best friend, in actuality, their relationship was adversarial. They were like "oil and water" where Kakashi was the serious genius from a disgraced clan, and Obito was the buffoon from an elite clan, the Uchiha with the advanced bloodline sharingan capability. The bitterness that Kakashi felt after his father's death was probably exacerbated by being paired with someone from such a respected clan as the Uchiha. His father's suicide was ultimately a selfish act, leaving behind a young son to fend for himself! I knew that survivors often felt guilty that they should have done something to prevent the death, angering at the person for leaving them, or angering at others for causing the death. I'd seen that before. Yet Kakashi granted Obito the adulated status of "best friend" despite their not having been friends in the conventional sense. Kakashi's survivor's guilt, was probably heightened by Obito's sacrifice, and by the fact that he had treated Obito shamefully, resulting in denial of their true adversarial relationship.

What more was that he not only controls his emotions, but also how people perceive him. The mask created an aura of mystery and privacy. The scandalous books read in public created an image of a perverted buffoon, contrary to his younger character and more like his deceased friend's personality. Yet despite often being called an idiot, in serious occasions, he rises to the forefront as a respected leader in control of the present situation as other jounin look to him for leadership and advice… I shook my head. I was becoming seriously too aware of him and I knew that he cared much about those "close" to him even though he didn't show it much. I saw that he had put out a futon for me to lay on.

That night I woke up to sound of rain a pulsing rain that tapped the window rapidly. It was heavy rain, and I looked up to see the rain run down the window. Everything seemed to silent despite the rain. I could faintly hear Kakashi's breathing and suited myself more under the covers. Never in my life had I felt so safe and comfortable and welcome before. To actually have a nice shelter – an APARTMENT to live in was beyond comforting, and I was laying beside one of the strongest ninjas in this village… I was laying in my clothes (I didn't have anything to sleep in) and I quickly fell asleep again.

"Toshi?" someone's voice wrung in the darkness of my heavy sleep.

"Toshi, come on. We're getting late." Instinctively I grabbed the foot that was about to nudge me in the side.

"mmh… " I muttered and rolled to my other side.

"Seriously, get up." Kakashi said and nudged me in the back.

"Okay okay." I muttered irritated and slowly sat up and opened my eyes to the sharp morning light. Kakashi was peeping rudely at my face, but right now his face was only a blur of grey and skin-color. Right… I was staying in Kakashi's apartment. I pulled the sheets higher above my shoulder and embraced myself.

"Jeez it's cold in here." I mumbled and rubbed my eyes again to open them some more. I probably had the most bad morning hair anybody could have.

"We've been sleeping over. We're about two hours late." Kakashi was fully dressed and looked fresh as if he had been up for hours. With no sleep in three days, HOW could he?

"Two hours? You're such a lazy idiot!" I cried and jumped out of my covers.

Kakashi scratched his neck and took a step backwards. I began to wrap my old bandages around my leg in a hurry before I took on the heavy green vest.

"Hold on a sec." I stumbled across the floor and over to Kakashi's deck where he had a small refrigerator placed under.

"I just need something in my… stomach." I came to a halt when I opened the refrigerator and saw that he only had some milk and some carrots. Kakashi laughed nervously

"Eh, if you're looking for something to eat, you have to cook something, and that would take too long." He scratched his neck. Sigh, of course, what could I expect from such a lazy ninja?

"N-no breakfast?" That was is. I'd gotten way too used to being served breakfast every morning in the prison. If usually only ate once a day.

"Hey, you're supposed to be a ninja, right? You can live without it for a while. Oh, and by the way; you might want to wrap those bandages properly around you legs." He pointed to my legs and I peeped, retarded as I was, down se the mess hanging loosely around my feet. Just laying there, ready to be stepped on.

"Dammit."I cussed and bowed down to redo my bandages. I actually felt kind of awkward and nervous, like I had some kind of performance anxiety. I listened to Kakashi's silence and became more and more stressed as my hands wanted to wrap the bandages faster than my brain could actually grasp. This only resulted in some clueless attempts to bind the bandages properly and the more I tried the more anxious I got.

"Here let me help." Kakashi strode over to me in a pinch and kneeled down in front of me. I caught a butterflie which suddenly flew up through my stomach and up my throat. He gently pushed my hands away and dragged my leg a few incher closer to himself.

And why hadn't I said something yet? Why'd I not protested against this sudden kindness that was beyond his usual kindness? It was odd to have him help me with a thing as simple as bandages. I tried to suppress that soft spot inside which was itching and telling my brain things that I did not want to listen to. I sat down when I pulled some more in the bandages, and then peeped at his concentrated face, peeping at his focus on me and my legs… The spiky grey hair I was curious to feel and that grey visible eye and wanted to look into. I clenched my hand trying not to blush or make some odd sound. It would be embarrassing.

"Why are you gapping? Is this weird?" without me noticing, he glanced up at me. I was gapping? I closed my jaw tight and concentrated about something intelligent to say.

"Um… Well, I don't know." Bravo Toshi, BRAVO! That was so well said, that Kakashi probably got almost scared of your intellect… How utterly stupid! I slapped myself mentally and watched as he continued with the bandages.

"There you go." He said after few minutes clapped my left leg once and stood up again.

"Thanks." I muttered, feeling a bit too proud to actually seem happy about it, even though I felt kind of humble.

"No problem, I'm sure you can do it yourself next time. Come on we're leaving." He said, as he moved to the window, ready to jump out.

"I CAN do it myself you know." I muttered in the same instant he sprung from the window. I stood a bit and looked as he jumped over the roof tops, and jumped myself with a sigh.

… I stood completely silent, as I watched the three kids yell at their sensei (well mostly Naruto and Sakura). My mood had fallen just a bit, due to the fact that I felt a bit submissive towards Kakashi and had a broken pride after the "bandage-incident" (and also I wanted to avoid the massive wave of rage that was directed towards Kakashi.)

Pour Kakashi, I thought with a sigh and felt a headache begin to press. I slapped myself mentally again, trying to get rid of my broken-pride feeling. Despite the fact that he had been so nice to me, I still couldn't let my guards down fully. Amazing though, that Kakashi could stand there without defending himself, or getting mad. Maybe he really WAS easy going by nature. I looked into the ground annoyed. It was such an annoying thing, trying to figure him out. It was like thinking about how the universe was put together. Naruto's voice suddenly broke my thoughts.

"I know why you're late! You think I don't know what adult people do when they're alone? Huh? Huh?" he was pointing madly at Kakashi while blowing air harshly out of his nose.

"Euw Naruto! You're such a pervert! How can you think so badly about Toshi? She would never be with someone like Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura took a grip of Naruto's neck trying to push him down.

"Why don't we just start the training?" Kakashi said with a sigh.

Besides some minor changes in the kids usual behavior, probably because of what had happened yesterday, everything seemed to be surprisingly casual. The weather was getting warmer as the morning grew by, and it only made it harder to train. I fell exhausted down in the grass at the training spot, Kakashi had chosen for today. I was so out of shape… again! It wasn't like Sasuke was that hard an opponent, though I had to give him some credit for being so strong and talented in such a young age. He didn't quite fit the level of his other teammates, who were a bit more to the childish side… That damned heat wasn't helping on me much with my training.

"Come on Toshi… Just because you one this match, it doesn't you can take your time to relax." Kakashi blocked the sun by peeping down at me, leaning over so he had eye contact with me. I brushed off some sweat on my forehead and under my nose before answering.

"Kakashi, it's impossible to train in this heat." I said and took a sighed deeply, feeling the grass tickle my fingers. Okay, I honestly didn't have any motivation to train in this heat today.

"There is nothing you can't do, Toshi. I'm sure you have surpassed much worse than this." He teased and offered a hand to help me up.

I muttered to myself and took his warm hand, and was swooped up in one strong movement.

"Thank you." I said and stickered a bit, suddenly getting a bit lightheaded while making sure that I didn't stumble into him.

"You can fight against Sakura if you want to?" Kakashi teased again.

"Shut up, I can fight Sasuke." I said looking grimly ahead, while brushing more sweat off my forehead as I took my battle position. I weren't going to admit that I was out of shape, even though Kakashi probably already had figured it out.

"Hmpf, so cocky." Sasuke said dryly and took his battle position as well.

I peeped subtly to the side and saw that Kakashi already was resting under a big tree, reading his beloved book. The air around him was blurry because of the heat, and small insect and butterflies flew around here and there. The sight was very peaceful and warming (mentally warming!) and I got a sudden urge to go over there and sit next to him and take a nap against his shoulder…

"Ugh!" I barely caught Sasuke's foot which flew at me, directed for my face.

And so was my morning and midways afternoon occupied with training, and putting on sunscreen…

"Kakashi-sensei can you assign us to any missions already?" Naruto walked, as the last kid left, beside Kakashi.

"Mm, I'm waiting until something which can match your strength comes up." Kakashi answered without looking away from his book.

I looked away from both of them, knowing that Naruto already felt much better about himself, and didn't have any more complains. How easy he was so get rid of. Tired, I looked around me as we trduged down the sandy roads of Konoha. The sun was still burning, and with no breeze I felt the urge to just take off all of my clothes and sit under a waterfall. The heat was simply unbearable. I combed my fingers through my hair which was up in a sad ponytail, and then glanced over at Kakashi and Naruto. Except for the fact that Naruto had ran off to some place.

"Oh!" Kakashi stopped in his track, his eyes wide, as if he had sensed something I hadn't. I immediately went in to an alert-mode and looked around me taking a battle-position.

"What is it?" I hissed, skimming every rooftop and corner I could see.

Kakashi continued to stare wide-eyed at his book, and my suspiciousness got the best of me, seeing that he was still reading his book. My arms dropped to my side and I stood there looking annoyed and dumb-founded.

"… Kakashi?" I said, trying to hide the irritation in my voice.

In an instant, he disappeared and reappeared on a wooden bench further down the road, his face buried in his beloved book… Something very exciting was happening in that book I could tell. I sighed and walked over to the bench and took a seat beside him, annoyed that he got me so alert, and by the fact the he could've chosen a bench with some shadow. I stared at the broad sand road before me, trying to ignore the sun. No one was out in this weather. The only thing I could hear was the humming of the cicadas in the distance. The road ahead was blurry in the heat, and boring to look at… I closed my eyes and melted into the bench with a sigh and then opened my eyes again and looked into the sky by using my hand as a shade. There were no clouds to been seen anywhere near. I sighed again and heard footsteps echo in the street. A girl walked around the corner carrying a bag of groceries. She had black hair; shoulder length and looked small and fragile. Most of the girls in this town had black hair. She looked as if she was the same age as me, except she still looked younger…

"Sound like Chinatsu's footsteps." Kakashi's voice broke the silence. I glanced over at him to see that he was still reading his book.

I looked back at the girl with a bit more curiosity, as she walked across the street closer to me and Kakashi. I tilted my head a bit as I looked at her; at first sight she seemed to be day dreaming and somewhat absent, but I jerked when she suddenly let out a small yelp as he eyes suddenly landed on Kakashi sitting beside me. I glanced a bit confused over at Kakashi to see if he was doing anything unusual but he was just reading his book. The girl, Chinatsu apparently, started to continue though, her eyes glued to Kakashi so much that it was almost embarrassing. I don't think she noticed me one bit… My hair color must've been bench-color that day.

"Who is she?" I asked with a cocked eyebrow. Did she really have to boost his ego by staring so much?

"Hn?" Kakashi peeped up from his book and met her gaze with a lazy and brief glance as if he had already forgotten her.

"Oh, she's the girl who works in the bookstore downtown. I see her often as I come to buy books." He explained and looked down in his book again.

I noticed in the instant Kakashi had looked at her, that she yelped again and looked away embarrassed, blushing madly. Wait… Processing… Did she like him? I looked at her confused, disturbed that there was a girl in town who liked Kakashi. I thought a bit about it and found it no wonder that civilian girls like her would die to get a husband like Kakashi. Especially in her age… When she slowly was getting to know a handsome and strong ninja like him, it would almost be impossible for her not to desire him. On top of that; he was a village legend and notorious around the country. He would deffinetely bring her family money and fortune. How sad that she didn't know how Kakashi REALLY was. She was probably wondering how to get him to like her at this very moment.

"Oh." Was my only reply to his explanation about her as I leaned forward and placed my chin in my hand.

How sad that someone like Kakashi could be so messed up by being a ninja. I left my thoughts and saw that the girl came to a stop and looked at Kakashi again. I furrowed my eyebrows by her awkward behavior and saw how she took a deep breath in and manned herself up and marched over to us, for each step looking more and more nervous.

"H-hello Kakashi-san." She greeted and bowed slightly; her voice light and girly. Kakashi peeped up from his book.

"Hello there Chinatsu-chan." He greeted with a smile in his eyes. The girls blushed by his very attention and looked shyly away for a few seconds, considering her next words.

I cocked an eyebrow of the ridiculously awkward tension that screamed out of her, which Kakashi didn't seem to notice at all.

"Oh Chinatsu, I don't think you've met Toshi yet." Kakashi nodded his head to my side, and the girl looked as if she had suddenly seen a ghost. I smiled to her sheepishly, knowing I looked like a total retard; sweaty and tired from the training.

"Oh oh, I'm so sorry I didn't say hello to you Toshi-san." She spoke fast and bowed apologizing to me.

"Um, it's okay." I said, waving a hand back and forth to pacify her panic.

"A-are you Kakashi-san's girlfriend?" She spat out. Okay, could she be more obvious? Her eyes glimmered at me as if she was admiring me… I here I felt like an unattractive tomboy compared to her girly-ness.

"G-girlfriend? Nooo way!" I spat and moved away from both him and her. Her eyes grew bigger and a bit relieved.

"S-sorry Toshi-san." She said and bowed once again.

"Nothing to be sorry for." I muttered a bit grumpy and waved her away. I don't know... I felt kind of irritated by her relief that I wasn't his girlfriend. If I weren't mistaking, I thought I could hear Kakashi chuckle a bit.

"Oh um… I just wanted to hear if you have seen the new 'Make Out Paradise' Kakashi-san?" she turned to him and looked hopefully at him.

"… You mean BRAND new?" now Chinatsu had Kakashi's full attention and that seemed to take her a bit off guard.

"Yes. We just got it home yesterday." She smiled happily for having his attention.

"Why didn't you tell me right away?" Kakashi's eyes were basically spitting fire as he stood up almost knocking his book down and taking her by her shoulders. She looked as if she was about to faint because of being so close to him… Kakashi disappeared in the same instant, leaving the poor girl almost falling backwards. Thanks to my new found 'life' I automatically got up and grabbed her before she fell.

"Wh-where did he go?" she asked baffled.

"Probably the book store." I said, more to myself than to her.

I occurred to me that he had left me completely alone with no observation but this girl. Did he trust me already? Have faith in me? He WOULD be the most suitable person to have faith in me…

"B-but the bookstore isn't open." She gasped dramatically like SHE had done something terrible. Jeez… She was way to soft for my taste.

"I better go open it in a hurry!" she said, suddenly determined to do something admirable for him.

"… Where will you go Toshi-san?" she asked as is she had known me for a while now.

I looked a bit dumb-founded at her. Why did I have anything to do with this?... I guess I was going where Kakashi was going? Maybe it would be a bit faster if I carried her… I mentally grimaced by me, being so helpful. On the other side, if it helped Kakashi it would justify my actions. Yeah, that way it would be okay!

"Here I'll take you, it'll be much faster." I said and turned around and got down in my knees so she could jump on.

"Oh no, I couldn't possibly let you carry me! That would be so rude of me." She said and looked kind of scared. I rolled my eyes with a sigh.

"Just get up already." I commanded, slightly impatient.

"A-are you sure?" she asked again. I looked annoyed ahead, not answering before I turned me head and gave her a glare that gave her all the more reason to be on my back rather than on the ground.

I'd forgotten how bummed I was after training in the heat as I raced along the rooftops with Chinatsu on my back. It was nice though, because the speed made the air that much colder against my skin.

"You must know Kakashi-san very well." Chinatsu suddenly sounded a bit sad as she spoke.

"Um, what are you basing that assumption on?" I asked her.

"You guessed he would be at the bookstore… I wonder why I didn't think about that. But you're a ninja, so that's probably something that comes naturally to you." She said the last thing trying to sound happy. No offence, but it didn't take a ninja to figure out where he was heading, based on how he reacted to what she said… I choose not to answer to what she'd just said.

"How old are you Chinatsu." I asked the insecure girl.

"Oh um, 18." She answered lowering her head behind me, because of the speed.

"I'm 19…" I answered simply.

"19?" she sounded somewhat amused by this fact.

"Mhm… Do you like Kakashi?" I had to ask.

"W-what?" she asked, tensing up.

"do you LIKE him?" I asked monotone. There were a brief pause between us before she choose to speak.

"Is it that obvious?" she suddenly sounded all dreamy.

"Yeah… You probably wonder why he seems so distant." I said and was interrupted by her.

"You noticed that as well? I've always wondered why he was like that, I mean I know a lot of girls have an eye for him even though it only has been a few years back he started being more in public… And what about the mask? He's known to be really handsome behind that mask—" she continued and I had to block her out for a moment.

He'd probably been an ANBU at the time he wasn't that much in public as he is now. Also it amused me that other girls had an eye for him. I don't know why but it just seemed so… so shallow and naïve. He was reading those BOOKS for crying out loud! They all desired him but didn't even know what he was like. I doubt any girl could put up with that none-caring attitude for long. Well, perhaps he WOULD be different if he actually loved someone… The girls in this town probably didn't care though. It was his status and his general kindness (and his looks) that dragged them to him. I accidentally cut Chinatsu off in her speech.

"But have you never noticed that he doesn't seem to get too close to anyone? It's not that you all aren't appealing, but it's just how he is." I stopped and continued.

"You know, there's a lot more to him than what you think. His past, his personality… That's how ninja's are. We've seen and experienced things that you can never imagine or forgive. Now and again, we just try to stay alive and have a normal day, you know." I paused again

"He really is nice, but some things he has experienced has also changed him for good, and affects the way he lives." I couldn't believe what I was telling. That I actually had this in me.

"Oh… I-I never really thought about that." She sounded sad. Great now I'd made her sad.

"You must be close to him though, since you know all that." She said. I'd never really thought about it that way.

"Not really." I said, not knowing whether I was lying to her or myself. I remembered how disappointed he had looked when I had entered his mind. Even though I knew exactly how he felt because of it, I would probably never get to share it with him.

"There it is." She said and pointed to a building in the center of the city.

I landed strongly on the ground crouching a bit, right beside Kakashi who was as glued to the window.

"Thank you god, that you took Chinatsu with you." He said now taking ME by the shoulders while shaking me a bit. He looked absolutely desperate, it was almost embarrassing to me. Chinatsu was barely off my back as I tried to get free of his grip.

"Jeez, chill Kakashi. I've never seen you so excited before." I said and finally got his hands off of me. And he KNEW I would come… sigh.

When Chinatsu opened the door to the store Kakashi basically disappeared again and reappeared by the small desk where he was supposed to pay for his book. The store looked old as I entered and took a peep at it. I scanned to rows of books as Chinatsu prepared for the payment.

"Ninjutsu basic: The flow of chakra – your way of becoming a true ninja." I read out loud and cocked an eyebrow.

"Konoha history. How to make scrolls…" I stopped and looked at that book. I'd never made any scrolls in my life. Not even an explosive tag. It would be kind of interesting to learn some day.

"Toshi!" Kakashi ripped me out of my thoughts and I spun around on my heels and looked at him in question.

"Yeah?"

"Now would be a perfect time to show some gratitude and give me some money for my hard work with you." He shook his empty wallet over the desk. It seemed he had forgotten to bring money.

"G-gratitude? Should that be the reason?" I hissed, reminding of the fact that I still weren't here by choice.

"I've been by your side from the beginning right?"he said, looking at me with eyes filled with begging.

I frowned a looked at him annoyed. It wasn't fair to use those cards.

"You still think I'm concerned about you because I have no other choice?" he didn't look angry, but just a bit… amused. I pushed my lower lip forward and looked to the side.

"H-how should I honestly know?" I muttered and continued "Where should I get money from anyways?" I said. Kakashi sighed and turned around suddenly with a whole other expression.

"Chinatsu-chan, can I owe you?" his voice was suddenly a lot calmer and controlled. Like, very sweet and seducing. Chinatsu blushed slightly and her eyes flickered away from him. I felt like puking, that was simply a nasty trick. Poor girl.

"Um… I-I guess you can." She said and took the money he got.

Come on… How could it be so EASY for him? It was rather pathetic on her side that he had such power over her. If I weren't being too suspicious I would dare say that he was using the feelings she had towards him. Or maybe he was just taking advantages of the fact she had no experience with flirting or love, whatsoever. Not that I had any experience, but it was different with me! I had the power to NOT be blinded or to do as he says (or so I would like to tell myself). I'd encountered many flirtatious nasty men before and I'd always just kicked their asses, and I'd never really let anyone in… Maybe I was incapable of falling in love?

"Toshi, you're daydreaming again. Come on." Kakashi stood in the door of the store, waiting for me with his new book in his hand.

"Um, sure. I'm coming." I said and glanced briefly over at Chinatsu and nodded her a goodbye.

Once again, I trudged down the streets with Kakashi, the only difference that Kakashi now was reading a NEW book. I think that most people would've found this kind of trudging around pretty boring, and probably me as well… But it was like I couldn't recall that feeling anymore. I actually felt good just walking in silence with him. It was like his presence satisfied me, like I felt at peace. I looked into the ground narrowing my eyes until a small wrinkle formed at my nose. Unbelievable that this man I met in my old hometown would turn out to be my friend, and someone I actually liked to be around. But I still had too much pride to be completely honest and relaxed around him. I glanced over at him and saw that he was glancing over at me as well from the tip of his book.

"What's wrong?" he asked lowering his book. I felt a bit uncomfortable with the question.

"Um, just a bad thought." I said, and looked ahead again. He looked at me for a moment and it seemed that he (to my relief) decided to drop the subject.

"Apropos thoughts: I was thinking that you need some new clothes." He smiled with his eyes.

"Wow, you're actually removing your eyes from that book, JUST to tell me that." I said, a smirk crawling across my mouth.

"Why don't we go over there and buy something you would like to wear? We can pick some the ninja clothes off on the release of Konoha ninja clothes and remedies. It's basic clothes for everyone… If you haven't noticed." He said and closed his book.

"R-really? But I thought you didn't have any money." I looked at him in astonishment. It was probably one of my first times when I had enough money to buy over one piece of clothes.

"Here you go. I've been receiving you money and have been saving them up for you. I wasn't sure what you would do if you were handed money at the time you got under my wing." He held out a pocket propped with coins.

I couldn't believe my eyes. Were all that money for me? I didn't dare to reach out for so much money, afraid that I would break them or something.

"I-I couldn't possibly walk around with that much money." I said, and bend my head a bit, feeling humble towards Kakashi.

"Seriously this isn't that much money. I think the hokage is a bit tight-fisted. Take it." He said, his hand lingering with the pocket.

I looked amused at him and reached out for the pocket feeling as if I was handed something very precious, almost waiting for him to do something spontaneous.

Kakashi was kind enough to just stand by as I went crazy in a shop with lots of clothes. At first I wasn't quite sure about what to buy. I didn't want to use all of my money so I bought some basic clothes; sports bras, underwear, one normal bra (my first one actually), some practical trousers, some tank-tops, socks and so on… After that we made a quick stop by the ramen shop (even though it was a bit too hot to eat ramen). Per usual, Kakashi managed to not show his face and even though my curiosity was burning up, I'd never know how he did it. Moving on we went to pick up some ninja clothes and for the first time in a long time I actually had something the suited the weather!

"Gosh, Kakashi don't you do anything else but read in your spare time?" I asked him as he sat in his bed back in his apartment.

He peeped up from his book, when Toshi asked him a question.

"Read, write reports." He answered only having heard her question halfway.

Toshi seemed to have softened up pretty quickly by being able to walk around with him. It wasn't quite what he had pictured, but it suited him very well. When he looked at her, her eyes was so full of trust. He didn't know whether or not he was comfortable with that. He knew that in the end his words weren't enough to decide her future, it was up to the hokage. Not to mention that it was bad enough that he at the same time was beginning to feel attached to her. It was as if she made his every day a bit more exciting, without getting annoying. He promised himself that he wouldn't get too attached, like starting to develop serious feelings or something like that… It was just impossible not to get too involved with her, considering the whole situation. Besides that; he knew she was attractive to men, she just didn't know herself, or she didn't notice whenever someone checked her out with a satisfied smirk. At the same time was she very dangerous and like an unpolished diamond, rough and beautiful but not completely aware of her potential, both in looks and strength. She had never learned to focus her skills and think more tactical. In a way, he didn't want to turn her into a coldblooded ninja. He actually liked how she was now, showing emotions, like when she gets angry or embarrassed or simply humble. It was only when it came to showing affection and more physical contact she had a lock down.

"What do you write about me in those reports?" she asked, standing by his bed, looking innocently down at him. He was sitting in his bed by corner closest to the window, one of his favorite spots.

"You know. Stuff… About you." He answered and smiled peacefully to her.

"I hope it's good stuff." I said and smiled back to Kakashi. It felt odd to smile genuinely, but I felt very relaxed and happy at the moment.

"Depends on how you behave." He said teasingly.

"I'll behave well this week then." I said, still smiling.

Kakashi looked up at me in a different way. His eyes held some sort of amusement and admiration… Or… Well I shouldn't go around thinking that he would look at me that way.

"We'll see." He answered simply and continued with his book. I looked at him for a moment and then pocked his bed with a finger to check the softness.

"So soft…" I mumbled to myself and looked at bed, not knowing whether or not I was allowed to actually sit in it.

"Yeah and it's mine." He replied, not looking up from his book. It was only polite to stay out of other peoples beds… But this was another case. I placed a knee on the bedside to check Kakashi's reaction. Then I crawled onto the bed and sat the feeling the soft sheets and the softness of it.

"You're so lucky to have a bed." I said in envy as I stood like a cat on the bed, brushing the sheets with my one hand. I looked over at Kakashi to see what he was thinking, but he was just reading his book.

Why on earth did Toshi have to crawl into bed like THAT? That way she crawled was in a way tempting, and the 'problem' was that she didn't even know that. Being his student AND roommate, not to mention a ninja he was bound to stay away, and it was only girls he could have one stands with he stayed to. Toshi was far from that kind of material, but it was just the way she acted in the moment. Very discreetly she lay down and curled up like a cat that was sleeping. Her blonde long hair lay over the sheets like a golden river. If ANYONE, like Gai would take away her innocence he wouldn't know what he would do to that person. Kakashi gulped by the thought and was too distracted from reading his book.

Nice sheets. Nice bed… I rolled over when something disturbed my sleep.

"…Toshi…have…M—" I was barely sensing that someone spoke to me. I grabbed the sheets harder trying to stay in my dream state and withdrew myself to something more solid I could hug harder…

"Toshi…" the voice sounded confused now. I nuzzled my face into the sheets and breathed in Kakashi's sweet sent. I then blinked a couple of times tugging myself more into the sheets. I was so tired upon this day.

"Wh-what." I asked half awake and suddenly felt that the sheets which seemed to be a bit harder than usually, shook a bit back and forth.

"I want my bed back, could you move to the floor… please?" Kakashi said.

My eyes flung open when I realized that I was wasn't hugging the sheets, but was hugging Kakashi from the side. Like a two magnets repelling each other I flew backwards, detaching my arm from around Kakashi's waist, falling backwards and landing on the floor, head first, with a thud.

"Ow." I winced and rubbed the back of my head, my legs still on the bed.

"You sure are a heavy sleeper." He said with a grin. I opened one eye still rubbing my neck and discovered that he was only in his top-like thing with mask attached.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked, and I could hear that undertone of tease as he lay there on his back lifting his upper body with his arms to take a look at me over the edge. Though the light was dull I could see the outlines of his muscles from the moonlight the shone through the window. I tensed up. _Please, someone kill me_, I thought. I'd been totally snuggling up to Kakashi and hugging him and enjoying his body so close to me without even knowing! Like… Like I was his girlfriend or something. I wanted to run away and kill myself. But I had to keep a cool face… Great now I'm blushing.

"I-I slept very well until you woke me up." I stuttered, and dared to look up at him again, trying, no failing, in not looking embarrassed. He sighed.

"When will you stop lying? I can tell when you do." He said now smiling to me.

"What? I-I'm not lying." I stuttered again. Could he really tell? I mean when he woke me up I felt quite comfortable by lying so close to him… NO! NO I DIDN'T!

"I know that I may feel very nice to sleep on, but it just seems unprofessional. I mean I'm a teacher, you're a student." He teased, almost about to break into laughter.

"Oh just shut up! Go to sleep already." I said and propped down properly on my own bed just before another blush crept into my face. I hated that I reacted this way and became so vulnerable. It was like I didn't know my own body. I hated it when he teased me that way, because somehow, deep down, it actually hurt a bit when he said such things, and I knew that I meant it. Kakashi chuckled a bit.

"I will. Goodnight Toshi." He said his voice now low and kind.

"Goodnight." I said with a sigh and drifted slowly to sleep.


	9. Air for life Chapter 9

_So, I'm trying to cut my chapters shorter, simply by cutting my story into more chapters instead of few - but long chapters. I haven't cut anything off the actual chapters. This way i can update more often :) Hope you enjoy this sweet little chapter ;)_

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_Unbeliavable that I haven't seen his face yet. That he always manages to keep it hidden, _I thought to myself.

Over the past few weeks, or to be more accurate - 2,4 weeks, I'd been staying in Kakashi's apartment. Being around him 24/7, I'd grown an increasingly stronger obsession with his face. Lately I'd also been spending a lot of time discussing with myself that I'd come to grow closer and more attached to him. I was sitting on my futon, looking over the edge of Kakashi's bed an early morning. He was shirtless and had his mask on. If I could just slip a finger under that mask and pull it down just a bit to get a glimpse of his nose I'd be more than satisfied! My eyes went to the tiny bit of his chest that was bared and up his strong arm that supported his head. His headband was off and allowed his short bangs to fall over his forehead even though most of his hair was messy and spiky at the moment. _Well… He's pretty handsome_, I admitted just like I'd done the day before and rested my head on the edge of his bed. I felt how I was changing towards him; I mean I'd never seen his face and yet I was telling myself that he was handsome.

"For how long are you going to stare at me?"…

I yelped when I heard Kakashi's voice and saw that he was looking at me from the corner of his red eye. I got stunned for a second by the still fascinating and foreign eye, and stumbled a bit over some sounds.

"I-I was not staring at you. I was just planning how to take off your mask." I stuttered as my eyes flickered away from his.

"Is that so?" He said and cocked an eyebrow. He moved around to face me, his chest baring all the more as he put his head in his hand so he could see me better.

"Um, yeah. What else would I be doing?" I asked, trying to act cool, my first reaction considered.

Kakashi looked effortlessly stunning in the morning light and the picture of him in itself was even more overdone when a breeze from the open window caught his hair. It was almost like taken out of a movie or a magazine. I restrained myself from making the mistake of looking away like some shy teenage girl and cursed this whole situation.

"I don't know, I can just tell that you're lying." He said and dropped his head to the pillow and puffed it up casually.

"What? How can you always tell that?" I asked, annoyed that in spite my countless tries to conceal that I was lying he actually got better and better at spotting it.

"Your eyes are lying and you stutter and you try too hard to hide the fact that you're lying." He said – "I wonder what you're hiding though." He said and looked thoughtfully away with a slight undertone of trying to tease me.

"Well, I DO really want to know what's behind that mask." I said and looked at him hopefully, hoping that he would take it off. Kakashi yawned and sat up in his bed revealing his whole upper body. I suffocated a small gasp and looked away from him, annoyed that he was able to make me feel so… so uncomfortable and curious at the same time.

"_Toshi you've become so weak. He can tell every time you check him out."_ Eien's powerful voice suddenly echoed in my head

"Shut up you pestilence. You're disturbing me." I hissed out loud and looked upwards as if she was up in the ceiling. Clever…

"W-what?" Kakashi looked at me as if he had seen a ghost. He was always bad at handling people who was acting strange in his presence, and I mean those REALLY strange, random people you sometimes meet in the street who goes up to you and talk about weird random stuff, often people who look like they live in the street and pick trash out of the trashcans… Okay, maybe I'd been living in the street, and I'd SOMETIMES picked up trash from the trashcans… Sorry. On with the actual story.

"Oh, it wasn't for you, but for the smart and cool lioness who lives in my head and thinks she's tough." My voice was sick with sarcasm as I looked into the ceiling again, hoping Eien would hear this.

"_You better show some respect little girl. Without me you are nothing. You wouldn't even have met this boyfriend of yours."_ She hissed back.

"What do you mean by that. You know perfectly well that he's not my boyfriend. He's my somewhat-sensei. But I know you can be kind of slow sometimes." Wait, I didn't just say that out loud, did I?

I looked over at Kakashi awkwardly and stiff. How could I keep embarrass myself in front of him? The day had yet to start!

"Uhm… " Kakashi seemed to consider his words –"I've never heard you talk with… her before." He said, thankfully not commenting the boyfriend part.

"No, she hasn't really said anything ever since the prison-break-out." I looked away thoughtfully while he did the same, except he was looking at me. An awkward silence lingered between us for a few painful minutes before Kakashi spoke.

"Well, your conversation sounded… interesting." He said and threw his cover aside, hiding something that was on his mind… I could tell.

With a shrug I threw my cover aside too, and combed my hair with my fingers absently. The heat outside was getting worse over the past days and I'd been forced to sleep in something else than a ninja-shirt. I'd taken my old and torn tank-top on which I'd been given after I'd gone out of prison. The only actual thing that was from my past. It occurred to me that Kakashi had stopped rummaging around and I looked up to see him staring at me, as if he was caught in the middle of an act. Since I got no reaction out of him, I looked down at myself to see if I looked weird, or my breast had slipped out of my tank-top or something like that. I couldn't see anything unusual, and suddenly got a bit insecure and uncomfortably self-aware.

"What?" I snapped, annoyed that he didn't say what was wrong.

"Um, you…" Kakashi replied and seemed to snap out of what-ever-state-of-mind he was in. I cocked an eyebrow at him. I'd never seen him unsure before and found it kind of amusing.

"You've just never showed that much skin before. You always wear a shirt." He said, and seemed to get it together, because he was suddenly smiling with his eyes. By the fact that he could be so calm and honest and the same time, was almost a bit annoying to me.

I looked down at myself and up.

"Well… Okay? I bet you've seen more in the hot-tubs." I said and shrugged, hiding my embarrassment as well as I could.

"What do you think of me Toshi? Do you think I'm peeping at you in the hot-tubs?" he looked a bit startled, on-purpose-startled.

"You did just now, didn't you? You men are all the same." – Not true, Kakashi wasn't like the others, but he didn't have to know that.

Kakashi scratched his neck and looked dumb-founded at Toshi.

"I guess you're right about that." He said, suddenly feeling genuinely dumb. She rolled her eyes with a smile hidden in the corner of her mouth. He liked that about her, that she always made it so obvious what she was thinking or feeling.

He couldn't tell whether it was because she was wearing a tank-top or if she just looked a tad more beautiful in the morning light. He looked back at the shirt he was holding in his hand, feeling slightly baffled about his thoughts. He knew he shouldn't check her out, not even her little finger! It was wrong, and he knew she eventually would have to stand on her own feet in the city. He shrugged – he was a guy after all, that would make a good enough excuse for his conscience to let it go. He threw his shirt aside and took one of his tank-tops while his thoughts still wandered. He had to admit that she was a beautiful girl, but beautiful girls often came with a psychotic mind unfortunately. She was definitely on the psychotic side… He couldn't find out if he liked that or not. But what he knew was, that if things were the way they were before team 7, if he didn't know her, if he had met her on the street, if she was a civilian – he would've probably would've went for a one night stand with her. But times were with team 7, he did know her, he hadn't met her in the street and she was a ninja.

Kakashi began to search for a towel. Good that she was afraid of physical contact, and good that she was a bit of a psycho. That would keep him or any other guy from forming any feelings for her, he told himself knowing that he'd never imagined his first long-termed relationship with a normal girl (if he ever was to have one). He reconsidered a bit and smiled a bit to himself when thought about the times he'd spotted her softer side.

"I'm heading for the shower." He heard Toshi say, and then turned around ripped out of his thoughts.

"No no, I'm first. I always am." He said and forgot that he always was the first one to be up. She could sleep all day of he would let her.

"Uh, no you're not." I grabbed my own towel and marched towards the door, after the long moments of silence between me and Kakashi.

His apartment was pretty messed up because of my clothes and stuff that lay around. What? I didn't have even have my own shelve. Kakashi was quick to the door and we met each other in the doorframe right after I'd slammed the door up.

"I mean it Kakashi. I'll burst in the door if you take the shower." I threatened and pushed him into the door frame with my shoulder.

"Sorry, you can't always have it your way little princess." He said and pushed back.

We both got stuck in the door frame, both of us pushing the other, trying to take that one step out of the doorframe. He had pretty broad shoulder despite not being the most sturdy build man I'd seen.

"Stubborn idiot." I hissed with gritted teeth and placed a hand on the top of his head trying to push him back.

"Truly you are." He said and struggled a bit with the hand on his head.

"Shut it." I hissed and felt him putting more strength into his pushing, and felt him slip more and more forwards.

"No no no!" I said, competitive as I was. Kakashi stretched his neck from underneath my hand and felt how our shoulder was pushed out in a sudden release. We both stumbled to the opposite wall, Kakashi laughing the slightest before we both began to run. Kakashi had the upper hand was in front of me from the beginning and I jumped forward in desperation to be the first and attached myself around his waist. It only slowed Kakashi down a bit as he continued in a zombie-slow walk towards the bathroom. I battled to regain my foothold, my legs dragging behind me to slow him down.

"Give it up Toshi. You will never beat me. It's just a fact. Accept it." He grinned.

"You're so full of yourse—" I was cut off when smock blew into my face and around me. I landed on the floor with a bump on top of something soft. I looked at Kakashi doll, staring back at me with lazy eyes. I coughed a bit from the spicy, suffocating smell of ninja smock.

"There's no time for practicing the art of kissing with a silly doll Toshi. I'm winning." I looked up to see Kakashi waving playfully to me for the bathroom door. I felt like a big idiot.

If I moved one single muscle he would he would smack the bathroom door locked.

"Too late." He smiled briefly with his eyes and began to close the door.

I rushed to me feet and used only two long steps to get to the door and grabbed the doorknob just half a second after he had locked the door. I pulled in the doorknob like a mad person, not wanting to accept my defeat.

"Kakashi! Please let me go first!" he fumbled with the door knob to irritate him. Being the first to shower was simply a matter of principle now!

"Let!" I kicked the door.

"Me!" Kicked the door again.

"In!" and again.

I might as well just forget it. Kakashi was too stubborn. I could hear the shower now. I turned my back to the door and glad down it like I was melting and sat down turning the doorknob over and over. For I couple of moments I just sat there on the wooden floor, trying to overcome the heat in the hallway.

"It's actually quite annoying."I could hear Kakashi voice from inside the bathroom.

"Well, if you let my in I might stop and—" my hand automatically flew away from the door and a shock of electricity ran through my hand. I looked startled at the doorknob.

"Wh-what was that?" I said a bit scared and scootched away from the door. Kakashi opened the door and peeped outside.

"Will you stop now?" he asked politely.

I was up on my feet faster than before. He got weak. He opened the door! YES! I got one foot inside. Kakashi retracted his head and allowed me to swoop inside. I was about to push him aside when… When… I must've looked really stupid. I tried bravely to hold a pokerface when I basically stood face to face with Kakashi's bare chest, though he was as usual wearing a mask. I looked down trying to avoid what I was seeing, only to see the twin rope of muscle that edged below the top of the towel he wore around his waist. Nothing went through my mind except his body. I took in a deep breath discretely, resisting the sudden feeling the swelled up inside of me, and urge to touch his skin.

"Hah! Now I'm in, so I'm going first. Too bad." I pushed him away with me index finger like he was something nasty. Mentally I padded myself in the shoulder proudly. I was strong indeed. I was so cool and collected. I mean the way I just swiped him off like that were a performance worth a gold medal! I mean pff, it was no big deal really.

"You better get out Kakashi. Cause it's my shower now. If you don't get out I'll start undress, and you can't be in here when I do that! I mean, you're me teacher, right? So you have to—" wow, I didn't even listen to my own mouth anymore.

I was just babbling. As long as I did that he would have time to get out. I was facing the shower, my back to Kakashi when I suddenly felt him very close behind me.

"Toshi, if you want to shower together, we can do that as well."

I didn't know whether it was his breath in my hair or just the very question that stiffened my body and made my mind go completely blank. A chill ran all the way down my spine as I was considering the fact that him and his tall, manly figure stood right behind me in just a towel. That picture of me and him standing in the shower together. The steam hanging around us and the hot water that sprayed my mussed blonde hair while Kakashi carefully scrubbed my back… Memories of the hot-springs hit my subconscious like a pleasurable drug. I stopped myself before thinking further, but didn't have any luck in disconnecting mind from body. I stumbled backwards, into his bare chest, knocked my head up his chin, hearing his teeth clap together. Feeling trapped between him and the shower I began to panic, and turned around quickly, meeting his eyes briefly with a –

"Sorry, never mind." Before rushing out of the door, like something important had suddenly come up. I could've sworn that I heard him mumble "can't even take I tiny joke" after I caught one last glimpse of him rubbing his cheek.

I began to cook some rice to redirect my thoughts. I didn't want to think about how embarrassing bad I was at handling situations where Kakashi was coming a bit too close. Sitting on the floor I sighed, clearly not able to redirect my thoughts as much as I'd wanted to.

"_You do realize that you have some kind of weakness for Kakashi, right?" _Eiens voice echoed in my ears.

"Um, no I don't." I lied to her and looked at the rice-boiler.

"_Toshi, I can hear your thoughts. You can't lie to me. If you didn't have a weakness for him, you wouldn't have been acting so weird lately. I wonder what you would do if he threw away his shirt while sparring." _I could feel her smirk in a crafty way.

"It's different when you're in battle, everything just shots down. You know that!—" I groaned frustrated " I don't know! It just scary that I'm changing the way that I am. I don't want to change, I want to be me and not being told what's right or wrong… At the same time, I like the way that things have turned out. Heck, I like it a lot!" I said out loud still watching the rice. Eien was silent for a moment.

"_You better not screw up his trust. He's the main reason for your happiness."_ She said and I felt I slip away from my consciousness again.

I began to sit and ponder as I made myself a bowl of rice to eat quickly. I felt moody, confused and too stubborn to realize how good I was feeling with this new life. I heard footsteps in the hallway and soon after Kakashi stood in the door way, looking relaxed as always. I looked up at him and met his eyes silently. He suddenly looked concerned.

"What's wrong?" he asked. Great, I'd been looking worried.

"Um, nothing." I answered and put on an indifferent face and stuffed some more rice into my mouth.

"Toshi… I can see something concerns you." He said and walked over to me, and sat down in front of me, looking at me like he was going to hack all of my thoughts in a second.

I always felt a bit uncomfortable and insecure when he was trying to get into my psyche, but I was getting used to forcing myself to tell him what was on my mind, cause it always helped in the end. I had a lot of experience now in opening up even though it still wasn't easy, AND to talk instead of acting violently or aggressively to what I was feeling.

"I-I'm just, having some difficulties with accepting the fact that I feel so much better here than where I was before I came to Konoha. I guess, I'm afraid of changing, afraid of loosing myself." I paused and looked at him, hating to look into his penetrating eyes. I couldn't quite believe I was telling him this deep thing. But it felt natural. Kakashi took a bowl and beganto pour rice up.

"You're not changing or loosing yourself. You're simply evolving, that's a natural part of life. If you keep doing the things you've always done, you'll never achieve new experiences or understanding." He said and smiled with his eyes, the typical way he did that. His eyes changed and he stopped in the middle of pouring more rice up. He looked worried or just thoughtful, as if there was something he didn't tell me. But he seemed to snap out of it after a moment.

"Your personality is starting blossom and show itself. Not hidden behind all that anger." His eyes flickered to the food and then back at me again.

What he soon found out was that he'd left me completely speechless. He was right, like he usually was, but the words meant more to me than I'd ever have thought. But would "I" always be so afraid of physical contact? Would ever get close to anyone? More than friends with anyone? I'd never considered the fact that I might end up with a boyfriend some day, and that would mean that I would have to go through a lot of physical stuff. I blushed slightly about the thought.

"I have a good deal of faith in you." He said and planted a comforting hand on my shoulder that I wanted all the more to lean into.

He was being so good to me and it wasn't fair. It was too easy to choose a life when he got close to me like this. I wanted to give him a hug of gratitude and melt into his safe, comforting chest. It was so obvious to me how afraid I was of letting him down. I forced my eyes away from his. I weird silent mood had set upon us.

"Thanks." Was my only reply.

"Um, not to change to subject, but I would like to take my shower now." I said and put my bowl down and stood up.

"Fine, I'll be having some paperwork to do today." He said and smiled with his eyes.

It was nice to have the privilege to bath in a private shower. I was nice to let the hot water spray my broad shoulders and delicate back. Sensetive to the drops of water that ran down my body, I enjoyed the feeling of something caressing on my skin. It was like I could relax and let my thoughts just wander when I stood in the shower and the outside world seemed far away. When I was done I wrapped towel around my body which was starting to look healthy and muscled. I dried the mirror of dew so I would see myself. I looked back at my green eyes with no thoughts running through my mind. I scanned my face, eyes, lips, nose. Not even I single scar was evident nor a hint of roughness. How could my parents possibly have looked like? I turned a bit to take a look at my back. It still looked rough but luckily there was not so many scars which I'd been fearing. I turned around to stare at my face again and saw how my eyebrows slowly furrowed. I bit my lip when a sudden chill ran over me… Did the kids care about me? If I died would they grief me? The memories of my arrival to the town hit my like kunai; the dark, rainy sky: A confusing, dark, painful blur. I'd been so cold and so mean in the beginning, would they ever forget that? I felt a ball of shame climb into my stomach and quickly brushed a tear away that was forming in the corner of my eye. I shook my head stubborn and grabbed some of the new clothes I'd been taking along. I'd never get used to the fresh smell of newly washed clothes right after a bath, and inhaled the sweet scent of my sports-bra before I took on a tank top and some regular ninja pants.

I found Kakashi still busy with his paperwork when I entered the apartment, still drying my hair with a towel. Having a hair dryer wasn't a luxury a was blessed with (and it also ruins your hair). With a sigh a plumed down at his bed and threw the towel on the floor. I looked out the window at a sunny day and with activity in the streets. I looked at Kakashi's back while he crouched over his paper, writing with inhuman speed like it was the most normal thing in the world.

"Kakashi… What was that strike of electricity before?" I asked, absently forgetting that he was in the middle of something.

"Hn? What?" he replied but continued before I could repeat the question.

"You don't know about my chidori?" he stopped writing and looked over his shoulder to see if I was joking.

"Your what?" I asked. But before we could continue our conversation my body tensed up and I felt someone coming near. With no fair chance to react an ANBU Black Ops stood in Kakashi's window, the mysterious mask glaring into the room with empty eyes.

A signature spiral tattoo was evident on his right arm, indicating that it was a man behind the mask. The same tattoo as Kakashi's…

"Kakashi-sama, the hokage has sent words for you. He wants to see you now." The ANBU said. I could feel his gaze on me briefly, and felt suddenly nervous about this.

"I understand. Thank you." Kakashi said, polite as always when in a serious situation. The ANBU disappeared in a second and me and Kakashi was left to ourselves once again.

I gulped; "What could this be about." I said, hoping deeply that this wouldn't have anything to do with me. I hadn't spoken to the hokage since the prison-break-out. This would probably be an unpleasant visit.

"Easy Toshi, I haven't even gotten up from my chair and you're asking me already. Like I know what the hokage wants." He said in a calm tone, but looked clearly more serious than he sounded. I wasn't stupid. I knew that Kakashi knew what the hokage wanted to talk about.

"And you're coming with me. Let's go." He said and hopped on to the window frame and jumped out.

"Changing his attitude in a matter of seconds. I thought it was only girls." I muttered to myself before jumping after him…


	10. Air for life Chapter 10

_Next chapter is already up! Yay and this one is a good one. Commet on what you think about it ;)_

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I tapped my fingers impatiently at the wooden armrest, sitting in the vivid halls of the hokage-building. Sinking more and more into my seat and sighed deeply and impatiently. How long could it take? Kakashi had been in his serious, intimidating mood ever since that ANBU had been at our (his) apartment. I could tell that he knew what it was about, but he was good at holding a straight pokerface. But I'd gotten to know him well enough to see what he was actually feeling.

Once in a while someone would walk by, their footsteps making an awkwardly lot of noise, and no one took notice of me, sitting in a chair in front of the hokages office, like some ninja school kid, that was about to be sent to the principal's office. Sometimes I wished that I could just take off on my own, and go find Naruto or Sakura to see what they were up to. I had enough difficulties with communicating with Sasuke since he just as hard to open up as I was, and I didn't quite have any knowledge of how to open a kid like him up.

I remembered Kakashi tattoo that was the same as the ANBU's. To think that he had been a Black Ops, being quite young and already a retired Black Ops. It took a lot of discipline and self-esteem to be under direct control of one's Kage. To be responsible for carrying out assassinations, tracking, surveillance and all that stuff, would require a special ninja. I felt kind of honored to know a person who had served as an interrogator that would probe the minds of his enemy ninja to learn information valuable to the village. That was probably how they'd gotten to know about me. I felt glad that he had survived his ANBU period. I knew that any Black Ops who'd been wounded in battle were required to destroy their own bodies to prevent any information from getting into enemy hands. I was glad that I'd only seen his childhood. I didn't know if I could stand seeing his teenage-years.

I felt bored as hell, and couldn't find anything else to do than making spit-bubbles with my mouth. Just as a really big and awesome bubble popped I heard my name being called out.

"Toshi, can you come in please?" Kakashi's voice echoed in the silent hallway.

I looked from nose tip and to Kakashi who stood in the door to the hokages office and felt a bit dumb.

"Sure…" I struggled a bit to get up from my lazy position and suffocated any nervous feeling that was about to spread in my body.

"_I knew it was about me! I just knew it!" _I thought and looked Kakashi confused in the eyes while he sent me a serious glare that gave me all the more reason to behave in this situation.

No words were shared between me and Kakashi as I followed him into the office and was met by the old hokage's concerned expression. I bowed my head slightly to him, something I'd learned to do for my superiors (except Kakashi) in the past few weeks.

"So Setsuko. How are you doing so far? I see you have spent much time with Kakashi." The hokage's concerned face suddenly turned jolly and he smiled slightly as I bit in his pipe.

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and looked over at Kakashi for understanding and saw to my mortification that I was standing exactly like him, with my hands in my pocket and with a good pokerface on. Kakashi's eyes widened the slightest and he got that expression again as if he was sick.

"Funny, I've noticed that." He said a bit startled before I quickly removed my hands from my pockets and folded my arms under my chest. (only men fold their arms ON their chest)

"I'm doing well." I said and cocked an eyebrow, still feeling confused about the whole situation.

"That's good. Kakashi had reported at lot of positive progress." He said and nodded to himself while I chuckled a bit seeming to be in his own little world.

"Um… Thanks I guess." I said confused and scratched the hair in my neck, and felt a bit relieved that I wasn't going to be executed or anything. Apparently Kakashi had been writing good things about me in those reports. It didn't seem that I had much to tell the hokage. He already knew what was going on.

"So, I wanted to send Kakashi off on a mission, but was about what I should do with you in mean time.—" the hokage said. It hit my suddenly that I'd never thought about what to do or where to be when Kakashi wasn't around. He couldn't be my baby-sitter for the rest of my life.

"So I'm sending you with him. You're strong and will provide good back-up for him if anything should happen." The hokage leaned back as if relieved and chewed a bit on his pipe, waiting for me to digest the information.

"You mean with team 7?" I asked, feeling overwhelmed by what was happening. No blood, no yelling, no 'Toshi must die' which had been my past experiences with this office.

"No, just the two of you. The children aren't experienced enough." He said and looked down in some papers.

"_And I'm experienced in missions?" _I thought to myself, sarcasm filling the words.

"In a small but known village called Igen in the land of ice, they have found some kind of chakra source which has begun to disturb the Ice Mountains. No one knows what it is, and the village has asked us to send some help to investigate. I don't think it will be much trouble for the two of you." The hokage stopped with a sigh as if it was a bother to talk too much.

"T-the land of ice? But that's so far away." I gasped in amusement and thrilling excitement. I couldn't believe I was going so far away from the land of fire.

"Mhm." He nodded his head and threw a small scroll to Kakashi which he caught with perfection.

"And Setsuko, I'll have you sign this paper before you leave." The hokage said and turned a piece of paper on his desk and put a pencil right beside it. I looked suspiciously at Kakashi who smiled to me insuring.

I walked over and took a peep at the peace of paper.

**Confirmation certificate of active duty for The Hidden Leaf Village.**

**Name: Toshi Setsuko **

**Rank: Unspecified**

"What does my rank mean?" I asked after having read the document.

"It means that you don't have any specific rank. Kakashi, for an example, is of the rank; Jounin. " he said.

"Oh… right" I looked at my rank once again and wondered if I ever was going to have some kind of rank.

"So when I sign this, I will be and official Konoha ninja? Like, I can have my own apartment and stuff—" being treated as an actual human being. The hokage seemed to chew a bit on that one.

"You are an official Konoha Ninja… We can discuss the rest when you come home."

I signed the paper, and turned around with a smile and looked proudly at Kakashi. He chuckled the slightest and smiled back.

"Let's go Toshi." Kakashi walked to the window of the office and seemed to disappear around the roof just outside the window. I followed him as quick as I could, having no clue about where we were going.

"Kakashi wait." I said and walked further around the roof that twisted its way around the building. I began to run, hearing his footsteps just in front of me. While cussing under my breath I sped up carelessly and turned a weird corner around the roof and was suddenly forcefully grabbed by my color, twirled in a half circle and pressed into the wall of the building. I coughed from the clash with the wall and grabbed Kakashi's hand, confused as hell.

"What're—" I coughed again trying to relief some of the pressure he was putting into pinning me against the wall –"the meaning of this?" I hissed finally pressing his hand away with enough force. I looked at him startled and most of all confused about this.

"Do you think you can do this mission?" he stared at me with such seriousness that I felt he was towering over me, looking directly into my deepest thoughts. I gulped and lost my confidence.

"What's with you? Are you having seconds thoughts about my motives?" I hissed trying to play brave.

"This is a mission. Missions have to be taken seriously. Now that you're going with me, I have to make sure that you're into this and take this serious and don't just see it as a fin trip. Now is the time to put everything you've learn into action." He said, holding the same attitude all the way through.

"Of course I do! You don't have to be so rough! You can just talk to me you know. You don't have to scare the living shit out of me just to get your point across anymore! And stop looking at me like that. It's uncomfortable." I got more and more self-esteem as I spoke this sentence, seeing that he began to drop the serious face and looked like he genuinely regretted his way of talking this talk.

"Oh um… Do I seem intimidating?" he asked, looking suddenly lazy and straightened up at bit. I sighed knowing that I'd gotten through to him.

"I'm sorry, you're right. I guess I'm just concerned about you going to your old ways." He admitted and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Well you should have a bit more faith in me by now." I muttered and crossed my arms.

"Sorry." He said softly and put the warm palm of his hand on the spot of my throat that was a bit soar now. I was glad that I didn't blush that easy due to my skin, but damn I would've been blushing now. Especially when he got that weird soft look that I couldn't identify.

"Um… It's okay." I said, my voice suddenly weak even though I'd meant for it to be strong. I looked him in the eyes, trying to figure out what the hell was going on, but he was always hard to read and I didn't want to use my abilities on him. We shared a silent moment as if we'd both realized something new about each other. Kakashi was capable of mistakes and of saying sorry, and I was actually capable of saying something meaningful.

"So—o.. Moving on with life." I said and walked to the side leaving his touch on my throat and trying to get rid of the claustrophobic feeling I felt. Kakashi smiled.

"Yeah, let's go pack."… 

"I just don't get how you make those scrolls." I said in a pondering way after having watched him make a scroll so we could summon our backpacks so we didn't have to carry them.

"If you want to learn it you can just practice it and read some books, like all the ninjas here in Konoha had to do when they were in the process of becoming ninjas." He answered still reading his book.

We'd spend most of the day preparing for the trip, and were now walking in the streets heading for the big gate even though he were required to leave tomorrow.

"Hatake Kakashi! My only and true rival, are you ready for a kick of youth?"

I'd never predicted this one coming, and turned around shocked to see a guy in a green jump-suit already in the act of a kick from high above our heads. Was the man crazy? Was he the city-loony? I strode in front of Kakashi and were just quick enough to block the city-lonny's leg which hit my arm with crushing force that only a ninja could posses. I was taken slightly back his strength and took the pain. He backflipped away from my arm and landed gracefully, further away from the both of us. Taking a small step back, trying to keep a good pokerface, I fought with my expression. He looked sorry for what he'd done beyond comparison and was clenching his fist in front of him while looking at me with an expression, that made me battle so much with my own expression. He sprinted over to me in a dancing, stiding way, swining his arms exaggerated.

"I'm so sorry!—" He took my hands up and cuffed them in his, bending in his knees like a 'gentleman'. –"Please look at me and accept my sincere apologies fair lady, and also notice my handsome, manly features."… The only thing I could notice was his thick eyebrows, green jumpsuit and the shiny bowl haircut.

"Eeh…" I had no clue about whether I should be on my guard or just relax considering that he might be serious. I felt Kakashi behind me clearing his throat. He still waited for an answer though.

"It's all right." I said and tried my best to smile to the weird guy.

"Aaaall right! What a youthful answer!" he twirled away from me like ballerina and stopped with a thumps up, and big smile and winked at me.

"Kakashi, who is this guy?" I whispered trying not to move my head backwards too much looking awkwardly at the man in front of me. Kakashi chuckled and walked to my side.

"I don't believe you've met Might Gai." He said and clapped his book together. –"Oh, did you say something Gai?" Kakashi looked back at Gai and his 'nice guy pose', lazy and indifferent.

"Gahh! Kakashi! You make me so mad! Why do you have to act so cool?" Gai shouted and ran over to the both of us again. What a hyperactive man. I was completely in shock.

"Me?" Kakashi asked indifferently and obviously playing a bit dumb.

"I see you have found a beautiful lady. Hello my beauty, I'm Might Gai, Konoha's Green Beast. And why might a beautiful lady like you do with my rival Kakashi? No! Don't tell me!... We have been competing in 100 meter dashes, wrestling, eating contests, rock paper scissors and now Kakashi has challenged me in beautiful girls! I must say Kakashi—" Gai turned to Kakashi, straightening up –" you have truly won in this round."

I felt beyond stupid, this guy was babbling away without knowing anything and I wondered what Kakashi's relationship was with this guy. But I had to admit that I felt I small blush creep into my face, when another man called me beautiful in front of Kakashi. Kakashi chuckled.

"We're not on a date Gai. This is Toshi Setsuko." Kakashi introduced and scratched his neck, completely indifferent to the fact that Gai thought he was on a date with a beautiful girl. I had to admit I felt a bit disappointed about his reaction. But I also knew he was good a hiding his feelings.

"uuuh—" Gai looked at me like I was a shiny new toy.—" So you're the infamous lioness." He took a step closer and took a peep at my face, a bit too close for my liking.

"Umm, I'm not a lioness." I said taking a step towards Kakashi to get some kind of help out of him.

"I didn't know… Fascinating." He kept studying me until I bummed into Kakashi who moved away the slightest.

"Gai, you're scaring the girl." Kakashi said and rolled his eyes with a sigh.

"My apologies! I have heard all these rumors and finally get to see you first hand!" Gai said enthusiastically and patted me once on the shoulder.

By the way; what rumors? Where people talking about me? I was being so discreet after the prison break-out. Seeing me first hand was like I was some kind of myth around here.

"I'm not scared." I muttered, but choose to stand near Kakashi just in case.

"Such a shy one." Gai muttered to himself and put a finger to his chin. I didn't like to be called shy, but on the other hand, had I never really been socializing with other people than those who wanted to come close to me. Gai seemed to snap out of it and looked to his side as someone spoke

"Going on a mission?" a man asked from our right side and came strolling up the street.

"Asuma?" Kakashi stated and looked a little bit more interested.

"I was actually looking for you Gai, and you too Kakashi. Some of the guys are meeting up for a drink and we wanted you to join. But I can see that you're occupied Kakashi." Asuma's eyes wandered to me with a teasing grin plastered across his face.

"Actually, yes we were on our way, and no I'm not occupied. This is Toshi Setsuko, who you might've heard about." Kakashi said. I felt that there was some kind of irritation hidden in his voice, but the other two didn't seem to notice. Asuma smiled to me while taking his right hand out of his pocket.

"A fellow ninja, nice to meet you Toshi." He shook my hand with a firm grip and smiled. It felt odd to be treated… like a normal person.

"Nice to meet you too… Asuma." I wasn't quite sure if I said his name right.

"So what do you guys say? A quick drink with the others?" Asuma asked.

"I guess we could do that. What do you think Toshi?" Kakashi said, looking into sky as if he was considering something else.

"Umm… Fine by me." It felt odd to have an actual opinion in the matter and it took me a bit off guard. I would've followed Kakashi whatever he'd answered.

"Well then, it's settled. Let's go." Asuma said and mentioned for all us of to come along and somehow I ended up in the background with Gai.

"Soo, if Kakashi hasn't won your heart yet, I will beat him in his own game." Gai smiled sheepishly to me and winked at me.

"Why don't we put it another way? If he can't win me heart, no one can." I said, actually believing my own words even though I'd never considered them. Kakashi was, to me, the only candidate I'd ever consider to fall in love with if I even was capable of that.

"What? You're saying that Kakashi is the closest one to stealing your youthful heart?" Gai burst out. I wished he would keep it low but he didn't seem like a man who kept anything on a low level.

"No, you're misunderstanding! He's the only guy who I'm close to." I said slightly irritated about this conversation and how it could be misinterpreted.

"I don't believe that! You're saying that no man has known you personally." He smiled sheepishly again.

One of my eyebrows began to quiver in irritation. He was being very personal and up-close for someone I'd just met.

"Yup, pretty much." It said. I was much easier to keep it simple.

"Nooo! I don't believe that. Come on tell me." He poked my shoulder playfully and I had to take in a deep breath to control my urge to slap it away. It was a lot harder to be polite and well mannered than to be rude and wild.

"I don't want to talk about my past right now." I said looking straight ahead hoping that, that the bar would soon come into sight. Gai smiled and took a finger to his chin, ready to say something 'clever'.

"Gai, I have something to ask you." It was Kakashi who spoke, saving me from an uncomfortable conversation.

I was left by my own as the guys walked in front of me Asuma laughing at Gai and Kakashi being somewhat of a moron. I enjoyed that casual sight. I'd seen so many people walk to a bar together laughing and having fun and I had always envied them and hated them for it. But now I was (somewhat) a part of it. I began to ponder about Gai and I's conversation and wondered if anyone could reach me on a higher level than friendship. Was I even capable of that?

"Here we are." I heard Asuma say, and could already hear the bar-activity from the outside. The place seemed to be buzzing.

We walked inside and I looked curiously around, feeling it strange that I was here as a costumer and not a troublemaker. It was one of those places with sofas, music and people buzzing around us. I followed closely behind Kakashi trying to make our way through to our table and 'the others', whoever they were.

When we came to what approximately was our table, we were greeted gladly with 'hey's and 'about time's… I stood in safety behind Kakashi peeping over his shoulder as Asuma and Gai took their seats in the sofa by the table. I noticed two men and a woman, and got a bit startled when Kakashi pushed me in front of him.

"Guys this is Toshi Setsuko." He said and smiled, and pushed me at the same time to sit beside Gai. I waved a 'hi' to the new strangers and felt a bit shy in the new company that was thrown in my face. Kakashi sat down beside me, his shoulder touching mine from the lack of space. It felt kind of cozy to sit this close. I jumped a bit when Kakashi had to lean close in to speak to me properly and I felt his breath on my ear. It send chills all the way down spine.

"That's Genma." Kakashi pointed to the man sitting on Kakashi's opposite with dark brown hair and eyes, and with a senbon in his mouth. Genma smiled to me and leaned over the table to talk.

"I've heard a lot about you. You're giving Kakashi quite hard time… I like that." He said and winked to me with a smirk. I felt a confused by the whole situation I was thrown into and flushed a bit red; seeming that he flirted a bit with me. I'd never been in such a friendly situation with so many people before.

"Don't listen to him—" Kakashi caught my attention quickly by talking into my ear again.—"In front of you is Iruka, teacher at the ninja school."

Iruka smiled to me and continued his conversation with Genma.

"And the woman at the end of the table is Kurenai."

I tried deeply to abstract from the Kakashi warm breath which made my body go oddly numb and hot-spring mode. I sighed and looked at the woman at the end of the table with long black untamed hair, and a very unique red eye-color. She wore make-up; red lipstick and a purple eye shadow, something I'd never been wearing.

"How are you doing Toshi? Are you keeping Kakashi on his toes?" she asked and smiled warmly at me. Immediately I felt welcome in her presence and tried my best to be social.

"I guess I am, but not on purpose." I said and scratched my neck. Gai and Asuma laughed at me and Kurenai smiled. I could guess from the question people were asking that Kakashi had told some things about me, considered that they were welcoming me this much.

I was elbowed by Kakashi who was smiling down at me looking as if he was enjoying the time. I smiled to him genuinely and shrugged. This was by far most challenging social situation I'd been in.

A young waitress came to our table, smiling widely and with confidence. She put a tray of sake on our table with a "here you go" and I could see she was enjoying the attention of the male ninjas like Genma and Iruka. She winked at Kakashi before she left the table.

"Why'd she wink at you? What'd you do? Don't tell me you did her once?" Genma asked looking deadly serious about the subject. Kakashi laughed nervously and put his hands up in defense.

"I didn't do anything, and no I haven't done her. I was just smiling politely." He said seemingly honest.

"You're wearing a mask for crying out loud." Genma said beginning to hand out the fine small shot-like cups to everyone.

"Oh no, I don't drink… um… I'll just have some tea." I said and pushed the cup away, trying to look as little tense as I could.

"What? You don't want sake?" Gai looked at me as if I was insane. His nostrils flared continuously up and down pinning me with his expression telling me to take the god damned sake!

"N-no thanks." I squeaked, really trying my best to be polite and well socialized. I could feel Kakashi look at me and felt glad that he was sitting beside me, having some kind of calming effect on me.

"Have you ever had sake before?" Asuma asked me. I caught Kurenai's eyes which looked slightly concerned as if she saw right threw me. I knew that all adults were expected to at least try Sake at some point.

"N-no." I stuttered feeling smaller and smaller around the people who I realized were at least 3 years older than me.

"For Christ sake leave the girl alone." Kurenai said and elbowed Asuma, who seemed to suddenly to be embarrassed.

"No pressure Toshi. But if you feel like trying, this is a safe environment." He said and smiled to me.

"Nothing is safe with Gai sitting next to me." I said into Kakashi's ear for Gai not to hear.

"Um… What?" Kakashi asked suddenly seeming slightly baffled.

"Never mind." I said shoving him off, not really taking notice in his behavior. I went a few excuses through in my head, but came to the conclusion that it couldn't hurt. It was just liquid for crying out loud.

"Well… Okay, then give some of that Sake." I said with confidence.

Genma handed me the bottle with a smirk plastered across his face. I noticed that there were three bottles of Sake and suddenly got confused about what to do with it. Were the waitress going to come back with more bottles so that everyone had one or…? Was I supposed to drink from the bottle or the cup? Maybe the small cup was there in case someone would want to spit out their Sake? I had no fucking idea about what to do but didn't want to seem lame. It was a fifty/fifty.

"Go on and take the first sip." Genma said still smiling at me.

"You're extra good if you can take it all in one sip!" Asuma said with a smirk. It seemed everyone was very curious about a girl's first taste of sake.

"Um, sure." I said and looked at the bottle and the cup, trying to make a quick decision.

"Okay, here we go." I muttered to myself and almost smacked the bottle to my mouth pouring down its strong, bitter content which hit my tongue like a burning chili that went all the way up my nose. I wanted to seem tough for my first time (stupid decision) and kept drinking. Meanwhile everyone around suddenly got all fired up yelling or cheering, but it all got mixed up. I closed my eyes trying to force the gawking feeling away. The bottle was snapped away from me, some of the Sake falling out of the bottle and dripping from my mouth. Unfortunately the real taste of Sake suddenly flared up in my mouth and I began to cough violently, desperately wishing for a glass of water my face contorting into disgust.

"Don't drink from the bottle you moron!" I heard Kakashi say who'd been the one to snap the bottle away from me, and I suddenly noticed that most of the guys were laughing hysterically at me, and looked up to see them all cracking up, except for Kakashi and Kurenai.

"So naïve sometimes." Kakashi said and patted my shoulder. Kurenai looked somewhat mad at the others.

"Why didn't you take it away from her!" she rolled her eyes at the laughing guys. I looked at Kakashi for understanding and he put his hand in his face to hide a laugh.

"Why would anyone drink something that tastes so bad? It's the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted." I said, trying to make some sense of the situation. Clearly I should've used the cup as a cup… thumps up Toshi. My mind was filled with sarcasm. I was so bad at social parties.

"You're supposed to drink it like this." Gai said when he'd finished laughing and poured up some sake in the cup and demonstrated carefully how you drank from a cup.

"I know that already." I said feeling like a complete failure, but was somehow not angry or sad about the laughing. It was actually quite nice.

I listened to a conversation between Kakashi and Genma after the incident with the bottle who was talking mission-stuff. Then I suddenly found myself in a conversation with Gai, talking just as much he was. I felt more careless, more open suddenly and concluded that my dizziness was because of the huge amount of Sake I'd been drinking. I found out that Gai had a self-proclaimed rivalry with Kakashi (he didn't actually tell me that), and I thought that Kakashi however, seemed indifferent to their rivalry, which annoyed Gai to no end. Gai apparently randomly challenged Kakashi to contests of skill, and had acquired a record of 50 wins and 49 losses in doing so. Given that the contests that made him are so varied (ranging from Rock, Paper, Scissors to running races), this was not much of an achievement on Gai's part nor an accurate comparison of respective combat power. Nevertheless, Gai was proud of his record. Their competitions seemed to, in part, be inevitable judging by the fact that the two apparently were polar opposites.

"Are you keeping up with the Sake?" I felt Kakashi's hot breath in my ear once again and this time it was even harder to control the shivers that went through my neck and down. I was mad at myself for not knowing what it was that I wanted when I felt his hot breath on my ear. Did I want him to continue speaking to me? Again the memories of the hot spring hit me, and I remembered his touch on my back and around my neck. I had to keep myself from shivering again, or not just lean my head against his forehead. I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes as soon as he had finished speaking, trying to get my voice under control.

"Fine I think." I said and smiled warmly to him. He looked at me at little astonished.

"I can sure see that, you're swaying, and actually smiling a very nice smile at me." He said and smiled back looking a little baffled. I hope he hadn't noticed or figured out why I'd shivered before or closed my eyes. I furrowed my eyebrows when I felt something weird in my body. It was a wild familiar chakra that suddenly lurked in the depths of my body spinning wildly.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Kakashi asked, suddenly looking concerned.

I couldn't talk. I felt my legs spin and I noticed that my arms seemed weak. My vision was slightly blurry and I couldn't think straight. At first I just thought it was funny, like when Kakashi had spoken in my ear, but now I got concerned. I grabbed the table suddenly when Eien's chakra suddenly flared in me.

"W-what's happening to me?" I asked panicking a bit and trying to sit up straight.

"Easy Toshi, it's just because you drank a lot of Sake and you aren't used to be drunk." Kakashi said, trying to comfort me.

"Yeah, you drank pretty much." Iruka said also looking slightly concerned but still entertained somehow.

I took in a deep breath trying to calm myself and looked at Kakahi. I met his concerned eyes. He made me breathless, I couldn't explain it. I couldn't figure out what it was! I tried to focus my eyes and found that I was closer to him than I thought I was.

"Toshi, maybe I should take you outside to get some fresh air." He said seeming just as confused as I felt.

"No no, you don't have to." I said stubbornly to get my point across. I was afraid if I got that feeling again that reminded me of the hot-springs.

**K**akashi looked at Toshi's drunken form, her red cheeks and confused eyes. She leaned in close to him, and he wasn't sure if she really realized how close. She was much easier to read when drunk which he found kind of entertaining. He could tell that she enjoyed his presence and that she felt safe when sitting next to him and he was glad that she had come so far. He'd discovered her weakness by her neck and found lots of amusement in teasing her with it, getting extra close to her ear and he could tell that she was battling every muscle in her body to not just relax as she had done in the hot-springs. Now that was funny to mess with. Tomorrow he could tease her about it.

"You really look like you could use some calm air." He said trying to make her sit still and not sway so much. She glared at him in a tense, drunken passionate way, and suddenly remembered that he'd never considered if she got 'loving' when drunk like, Gai for an example.

"Relax Toshi, I'll just—" He was cut off by her. Suddenly he saw her temper flare in a way he hadn't seen in a long time.

"Don't boss me around." She said rushing up from her seat and swaying a bit looking at everyone around the table who seemed just as startled as he felt.

She turned around to face Kakashi again, bending over slightly, Kakashi being slightly concerned about her balance. She seemed to have difficulties with something then let out a burst of Eien's chakra which roared, blurring into the music.

"You know what?" she said pointing a finger at him and narrowing her eyes as I fit would help to see well. She leaned on the wall behind Kakashi and looked him directly in the eyes and he had to lean backwards to avoid her head which was inches from his. She looked confident, brave, and defiant in a whole other way than he had ever seen before, and suddenly felt nervous. That combined with her beauty, he found her somewhat tantalizing. He got confused suddenly and began to question her in a whole other way. He kept a calm façade, also because of all of his friends that were looking at them. Could she really dare to do something… Like kiss him? Kakashi who always was so calm, and always had the girls under control and knew where he had them suddenly became insecure and nervous. He'd never thought about the possibility of her liking him, and it gave him a weird jolt of excitement through his body that he didn't, in any way, want to have felt. She wouldn't? Would she? No, it couldn't be true that she was attracted to him. Maybe he shouldn't have teased her so much.

"I'm going to be the leader of this mission, cause I'm the bestest of the two of us, and there's nothing you can do about it." She kept her eyes at his, though she usually would've looked away. She stumbled a bit and accidentally tipped a bottle on the table. He let out a breath he'd been holding this whole time and so did the rest of the table. Kakashi was cussing himself for thinking such things about Toshi and couldn't believe what thoughts now had been put in motion in his brain. He got it together quickly and smiled to Toshi, while Iruka and Genma desperately tried to save their seats from the spilled Sake. She stood with one leg in between his and seemed to have drifted into her own zone.

"Come on Toshi, sit down again." He tried to push her down as she swayed over him. Everyone around the table seemed too afraid to deal with her, and everyone knew that he was the only one who could, according to the rumors.

"No!—" she straightened up, finally—"I'm the leader of this mission, so I decide where we shall go, and I say that we shall go on our mission now!" with a bit of a struggle she tried to get around Kakashi's legs, supporting herself by his shoulder while cussing, as Kakashi tried as much as he could to create some space for her.

When she was out she bowed dramatically to everyone and stumbled through the dancefloor and disappeared in the crowd.

"Sorry guys… I really don't know what's happening, but at least she's on her way outside now. I guess I'll see you later." He said in an apologizing way and hurried after her.

He didn't know her well enough, obviously, to predict what she could do when she was drunk. He found her just outside the bar staring at a streetlamp and wobbling a bit.

"Toshi…" Kakashi walked up behind her and she turned around so quickly that she stumbled a bit backwards before she regained her balance again. She smirked as if she had figured something out and pointed at him.

"I got you to follow me." She said taking a step backwards again and fell over her own feet. He grabbed her upper arm to stabilize her, and she seemed to sigh over something. He still felt a bit baffled about his own thoughts, and couldn't stop thinking about how it had felt when she'd looked at him like that.

"Come, Kakashi, this way." She said and smiled and turned around before he could answer. But she was a bit too fast and walked into a person who was making his way to the bar, around her! She stumbled backwards and Kakashi was too caught up in his own thoughts to grab her. She landed right on her butt whining a bit about it.

"Come on Toshi, we can't go on a mission when you're this drunk. You can barely walk." He said to her trying to sound calm and collected. He took her by her upper arm and tried to get her up, beginning to find the situation kind of funny again. She would hear for this tomorrow all day!

"It hurts." She winced, and pulled her arm away from his grasp and lay down exhausted on the street.

"You're being a baby Toshi. You can't lay here." He said to her trying to come across a bit more serious now. He rolled his eyes at her, feeling a bit insecure about what to do with her. He knew how physical contact could affect her sometimes, even though she was slowly getting over it. No one didn't like physical contact, everyone enjoyed it somehow even though they would claim otherwise.

"My head spins and my hand hurts." She said and took it up in the air.

"Here let me see it." He said trying to play along and sat down I squad position to take a look at her hand. He took it in his own hands, brushing some of the dirt carefully off of her hand. He could see immediately that it was just a superficial wound but played medical nin for her sake.

"Hmm." He said and felt her gaze on him, staring at him intensely. She sat up silently, still just looking at him, her face closer to his now. He looked at her from the corner of his eye, and saw how her eyes were gliding over every inch of his face as if she was admiring him. The thoughts from before hit him like rock and he quickly let go of her hand.

"It's just a superficial wound. Nothing to—" _worry about. _Kakashi was cut off guard on this one, when she embraced him in a tight warm hug. He was beyond baffled. She'd never given him a hug before, and this one was like she threw herself into his arms and held tightly around his neck, snuggling into him. He didn't know what to do and just stood there in squad position.

"Thank you." She whispered into his hair seeming to relax more into him. Kakashi snapped out of his startled state of mind, and put his one arm around her to return the hug which made her jump a bit as if she hadn't expected it. He lifted her up to stand up and temporarily enjoyed the gratitude and acknowledgement she gave him, and felt really and deeply concerned that she was maybe growing too close to him. Not just because of her own behavior, but also because of what he took himself in thinking and enjoying. He enjoyed the hug a bit too much for what two friends should and it was all because of those damned thoughts that had popped into his mind in the bar. He was becoming too aware of what was happening now between him and Toshi. So aware that he might read too much into the things she was doing.

"Now, it's no problem. Please don't do that." He forced himself to say it, even though he wouldn't want to scare her off as this approximately was her first time giving someone a hug… _Yup_, he concluded. He was putting way too much into this situation and was over-reading it too much. She was just drunk, and he wasn't used to her showing her mood that much. It was just as simple as that.

She pushed away though looking at him if she'd done something wrong, almost hurt.

"And I thought I was the one scared of physical contact." She muttered and stepped away.

"It's different when it gets too personal, and we're teammates now. It's not well looked upon." He said trying to smile to her to ease the mood. He could understand why she seemed disappointed as it was her first time giving a hug. Temporarily she looked a bit sad but then shrugged as she staggered a bit.

"I'm sorry. I guess it was over the edge. I just wanted to show my gratitude for everything you've done for me." She said, her words falling a bit over each other in her drunken state.

"It's okay. Don't think so much about it." He said, not really knowing what to say. He had put himself in a bit of an awkward position, but he had panicked a bit about the whole situation. She shrugged and swayed a bit.

"I know you don't get too close to anyone." She smiled sheepishly at him.

His eyes widened a bit by this statement. To think that she had noticed that. Maybe she was paying more attention to him than she thought. She might know him better than he imagined. He was silent for a moment, again having a nervous feeling spreading that she maybe knew him more than he liked. He felt a bit paranoid, but told himself that is was okay to let her be this close as she was. It was helping a lot on her progress. He shrugged the thoughts away, deciding that everything was just like before.

"No! No! Toshi don't sit down again!" he said and grabbed her just before she sat down on the ground again.

"My legs." She muttered, her speech was beginning to get very hard to understand, and he wondered if she could remember this tomorrow.

"I'm taking you home to the apartment." He stated and swooped her up in bridal style. She chuckled limply and curled up into his shoulder and put an arm around his neck.

The streets were empty at this hour of the night, and Kakashi walked in silence with Toshi in his arms, feeling her breathing into his neck. Stars were shining like glitter in the sky and the temperature was nice due to the warm afternoons. He sighed, noticing her breathing into his neck again, trying to dull that jolt that had went through him when he thought she was about to kiss him, and which now was going through him as he felt her breathing in his neck. It'd been too long he'd been with a girl, he thought as an excuse for this sudden reaction towards her. But it was like he had just realized that she was an actual woman who would get a boyfriend some day, and not some psycho criminal anymore. He got a bit mad at himself for thinking of her as a woman and not that criminal he was supposed to help, anymore. But that was the whole point of him taking care of her wasn't it? To open her up, to make her a ninja and a human. He would just have to sleep on this and tomorrow everything would be back to normal.

He arrived at his apartment and opened the door smoothly without having to put her down. She was sleeping soundlessly in his arms like he was the safest human in the world. He put her carefully down on his bed and got her a glass of water.

"Here Toshi, drinks this glass. We can't have you having a hangover tomorrow morning." He tilted her up a bit helped her drink the water, which she did in her half-asleep state. He decided to be nice, cause she had been nice him, and took off her vest, bandages and shoes and left the rest on to be polite. He didn't want to look at her for too long, she looked beautiful when she was sleeping. He then lay down (for the first time) on her bed on the floor, and fell quickly asleep, trying to forget all of his confusing thoughts.


	11. Air for life Chapter 11

**FINALLY i new chapter's up! I feel really bad that i haven't posted anything in a long time but I just got my**  
**inspiration back resently and have been working intensly with a lot of enthusiasm! So i hope you like this new chapter :D**

* * *

That night I woke up several times feeling awfully disorientated and sick. I felt a bit panicky about the fact that I couldn't see very well in the dark and I didn't really know what was going on. The only thing I was sure about was that my covers smelled like Kakashi's.

After a dreamless sleep I once more woke up at the break of dawn being clearer in my head. I turned around having faced the wall, when I realized that I was lying in Kakashi's bed. Sleepy and confused I maneuvered around in the covers and looked over the edge of the bed to find Kakashi sleeping.

"God." I moaned silently and fell back in his bed while rubbing my forehead.

In a sudden realization adrenalin ran through my body as it suddenly stood clear to me that I was missing some clothes. I fumbled my arms under the covers to feel what I was wearing and felt to my relief that I still was wearing a lot. I lay a bit and recalled, to my mortification, some of last night's events. I sighed and felt embarrassed about what I'd been doing in the bar as I tried to remember everything after that. Another question that filled my mind was why Kakashi had let me sleep in his bed. I tugged myself more into his covers and felt the soft mattress under me. It felt nice.

… Shit. I'd hugged Kakashi. I'd been way to open last night, not to mention I'd made a complete fool of myself. I felt my cheeks warm up and smacked a hand to my forehead. Why was I always so stupid? I recalled the feeling of the hug, remembering how good it felt to feel him so close. I sighed deeply; knowing Kakashi and his private, professional attitude, he probably didn't even want to talk about it, or mention it for that matter. He would be like 'there nothing to talk about' and then smile with his eyes and start reading his book. I guess I would just have to talk about it with myself… And keep hitting myself mentally for it! I mean; I knew why he didn't like that I hugged him. Not because he didn't 'like' hugs, but because he probably felt I was crossing a line in our 'relationship', and he wasn't the kind of man who got too close to people. If it was up to him he wouldn't even form any relationships with anybody. But he couldn't stop other people from forming relationships with him. Like that Gai-guy and the kids.

Kakashi's head popped up from the edge of the bed and looked drowsy ahead. He looked cute somehow. For a moment there I just looked at his side profile and his messy hair which was a bit off to the side he had been sleeping on.

"I'm going to ask you why I'm in your bed." I said and turned to look him better in the eyes.

He turned to look at me as well still looking a bit sleepy and seemed to think a bit.

"Because I felt sorry for you last night." He said and scratched his hair while chuckling.

Okay, just screw everything I'd just thought about him, being unable to form relationships. He was actually telling me his actual feelings here and didn't come up with some lazy excuse. I suppressed a blush and looked a bit startled.

"Nah just kidding. It was easier to help you get off your clothes that way. After carrying such a heavy girl like you, my back didn't feel like bending all the way down to the floor." He said and threw off his cover and stood up.

Once again I felt stupid. Just as I was about to think that he was being genuine he prove me wrong.

"I'm not heavy!" I muttered and sat up.

"Anyhow, we better get moving Toshi. Hurry up." Kakashi said and stretched his arms above his head with a satisfied growl.

Just as I'd thought he acted completely normal and untouched by my behavior yesterday, which was completely out of character. I snorted; feeling a bit insulted and crossing my arms, I threw off the cover with a grunt. There was no sign of guilt, embarrassment or any emotion that showed something about yesterday. I didn't want to use the mind jutsu to reach out and feel his emotions, cause he was so good at hiding them that even my jutsu was useless. As I began to pack our last equipment alongside Kakashi my mind wandered off in other directions. I always enjoyed his presence somehow. We both struggled with each other's personalities, being just as different as cat and dog. He was distant and closed off when it came to forming close bonds. The things he had experienced made him push people away, with a few exceptions. There was me, who had absolutely no idea about what love was, what friendship was. I also kept people at bay but for other reasons. I had to say that we weren't a very good combination unless one of us got over our fear of forming bonds with people. Kakashi was already on the right track. To me he had lots of friends, but no one who were entirely close. I glanced over at him and studied his side profile and recalled the young Kakashi I'd seen. I had to sigh over the memory and closed my bag harshly. I had no idea how to get close to him, but apparently he knew how to get close to me…

**.**

We quickly reached the forests outside the gates of Konoha, and we traveled the whole day through the thick wild, until we reached the desert by night time.

"Thought we were going to the land of ice." I said with sarcasm, feeling the heat from the sand seeping upwards.

"We'll cross the sands in high speed. The sooner we reach Suna the better. It gets cold out here at night." Kakashi said, ignoring my comment while he looked across the sand with a faraway look in his eyes.

I gulped and looked towards the desert in awe. I tried to hide the fact that I was absolutely amused by the sight of so much sand. Never in my life had I seen so much blank surface which disappeared into the horizon. So much space and so little life. A chill ran through my spine as there was something oddly familiar to this place.

We sat off and sprinted through the desert, up and down the sandhills. To be honest I started to get worried after an hour of run. The night was falling over us and the only thing that gave light was the moon and the stars. But I felt faithful that Kakashi knew where we were going in this darkness. Our feet hitting the sand with heavy thuds, was the only thing I could hear in this god for saken desert. The hide of the dark, vast sky gave me a feeling of entering Kakashi's mind. Because of his sharingan I always entered a dark dessert. Shaking the thought of out my mind I began to get impatient by the never changing landscape, and just as I was about to say something Kakashi finally spoke up.

"There it is." He stated, still running in high speed.

I looked up hopefully, expecting some kind of oasis, with a waterfall, trees and merry people. But I saw nothing, at first. I narrowed my eyes into the darkness and saw something a bit darker then the sky, like a cliff of some sort.

"Is that the sand village?" I asked confused.

"Yes, that's Suna." Kakashi said happily and started to slow down.

If I wasn't mistaking, he was taking some kind of pleasure in my amused, yet disappointed tone.

"They have a Kyubi there, just like Naruto," He said, a hint of alertness to his voice.

"Really? Do you think he's like Naruto?" I asked imagining a boy exactly like Naruto, but with more desert-like clothes.

"Probably not." Kakashi answered, as we got closer to the cliff.

I didn't reply to that, as I was busy wondering how much taller that cliff could grow in front of us. The closer we got the more outstanding the cliff seemed. Apparently it surrounded the whole city. We had to walk a few feet around to get to the entrance which turned out to be a huge gap, which formed a passage all the way through the thick cliff. Lanterns had been lit up all the way through so it was easier to see where we were going. Kakashi walked into the hollow of the passage casually as I followed him with wonder. I looked up at the old rock foundation which appeared to have been there for centuries. I was almost sure that I was walking into an ancient city. My amusement was disrupted quickly when I sensed two chakra signatures and two ninjas landed in front of Kakashi and I.

"Identify yourself and state your business." One of them said, a tall man who stood lean and proud in his clothes, suitable for the desert.

"I'm Hatake Kakashi and this is Toshi. We're from the hidden leaf village and are just seeking shelter for the night." Kakashi said, deliberately I was sure, leaving out my last name.

One could never know if my name was known here, and if any rumor spread about me, this stay could turn out to be pretty troublesome if any bounty hunters were in the neighborhood. The two ninjas exchanged glances and I had no idea what it meant. For what I knew about, Suna and Konoha were on friendly terms. Besides, every village knew about Kakashi – the copy ninja, and that was probably enough to let us pass.

"Fine you can continue." The tall one said standing aside with his arms folded.

I felt uncomfortable when I saw the smaller ninja eye me up and down as I past by him, and temporarily remembered that I was also I girl and that I got a foreign hair color.

The passage began to end, and as the city came more into view the more I started to marvel at it. Telling the size of the city was hard from the passage, but as we slowly came closer I started gawking at the sight. The tall sand-like buildings were lit up by the streetlamps and the streets were buzzing with activity even though the sun had set. It was like a whole other world to me as I'd never seen a city like Suna before. I felt that pang of irritation that I'd wasted my time in the same town for 19 years when I could've visited places like this.

"This city is so marvelous." I breathed looking into the sky as we walked into the street.

"I guess." Kakashi shrugged like it wasn't anything special and stuffed his hands into his pockets casually, his eyes wandering around the many people as if he was trying to see what I was seeing.

"Look at the food! What is it?" I stopped by a stall and looked through boxes of spices.

"Toshi, we have to keep moving." Kakashi walked up behind me and tugged my sleeve lazily. Apparently this trip had taken some of his strength too, or he had just gone into relaxed mode after entering the city.

"But look at all these stalls." I mused turning around to look down the street filled with different stalls. Kakashi sighed and rolled his eyes at me.

"Sometimes I forget where you're from." He muttered and grabbed my arm firmly, dragging my along before my curiosity got the best of me.

"But… I want to look." I said following him reluctantly.

"Toshi, we need to get as much rest as we can for now. Remember that we're on a mission, not a vacation." He said suddenly sounding irritated. His manner left a strange impression on me, and I tried to ignore it without success. It wasn't often I saw him irritated and suddenly felt like little child being dragged along by her father. I didn't want Kakashi to see me that way. I yanked my arm out of his grip.

"Stop dragging me, I'll follow you." I said firmly and with more confidence then I'd intended to.

Kakashi's posture relaxed a bit more and he seemed to warm up suddenly.

"I'll take you another time, I promise." He said starting to walk again. My whole mood felt at ease again and I knew that I had to except that Kakashi apparently had a strange grip on how I felt. I actually felt a little bit flattered that he wanted to take me to the night market of Suna sometime, no, he had _promised _to take me. Lost in my thoughts I bumped into Kakashi as he stopped by a stall.

"Ouch." I groaned and rubbed my nose while peeping around Kakashi. He chuckled at me and moved his eyes to the owner of the stall.

"One chicken please." Kakashi said and threw the owner a coin. Apparently he had stopped by a meat stall. I looked in disgust at some hen feet piled up just in front of me, and moved my eyes to watch all the other weird things he had in his stall.

"Here you go." The owner handed Kakashi the chicken in a paper bag.

"Thank you." Kakashi looked down at me as I looked everything over.

"You want an eye to eat on the way Toshi? They're supposedly very healthy to eat." He asked.

I couldn't help but noticed the humor behind his question, and I frowned at the very thought of eating a squishy eyeball.

"No thanks." I muttered darkly and turned around to follow Kakashi.

**.**

It wasn't long before we reached the outskirts of the city and ended up by the big wall that surrounded the city. Here there were loose sand and not that many houses, but I could hear from the wind that we were sheltered from a harsh wind outside the city wall.

"We'll need these rocks to keep us warm at night. It would be stupid to summon our backpacks just yet." He said and kicked a solid stone with his foot.

"… We're going to sleep on rocks?" I asked, disbelief filling my voice.

"No, not _on _rocks, but surrounded by rocks. You see these black rocks absorb the heat from the sun due daytime, and can stay warm all night." He explained and put down the chicken, starting to gather rocks.

I raised an eyebrow and shrugged, turning around to get a better look at where we were. There was barely enough street lamps around the place and those that were, were a bit far away.

"Try to find some dry turf and sticks so we can start a small fire." He commanded.

I glanced over at him, working peacefully with the stones. I sighed over my constant awareness of him and decided to make a clone to make the collecting go faster.

"Go and find some turf and sticks." I said pointing it off in some direction.

"So rude." It muttered at me swirling around with a frown and disappearing to somewhere.

I always found it strange to look at myself in front me. It was no wonder that people kept their distance from me when I was in a bad mood like my clone had been.

"Clones." I stated and started to go searching for turf.

**Kakashi's POV.**

It worried Kakashi a bit that it took Toshi so long to get some turf. The city was filled with it so getting a larger stack shouldn't be that hard. He lay down between the rock formation he'd made and looked into the dark sky, stars glittering down at him. He couldn't help but smirk when he thought of her drunken episode. He'd never seen her like that before and wasn't sure if he wanted to see it again. She was becoming too attached to him, and maybe also the other way around even though he didn't like to admit it. He turned with a sigh and looked straight ahead. He still couldn't picture her as being the most reliable comrade for a mission. He moved a bit uncomfortably again trying to get rid of all the thoughts that circled around Toshi. Yes, she was attached to him, but only him. She wasn't good at getting to know new people and he was afraid that she would become like Haku. Wanted by no one, dedicating her life only to him… No, Toshi wasn't like that, she was more independent and she also liked the kids. It was inevitable that he would have to start a process of pushing Toshi away at some point. That was also the reason why she couldn't hug him.

He sat up again, unable to concentrate on anything else. Maybe he could read his book in the dark with his sharingan… Nah, he would just read it too fast then. He sat there for some time looking blankly into the distance, relaxing his mind without closing his eyes. He glanced up when he heard footsteps nearing and saw the figure of a woman. He knew it was Toshi, and he watched her subtly, noticing her cat-like walk; stepping carefully and softly. She never plunked her weight into her leg. Actually he'd never thought about how much she resembled a cat, having taken on her lioness nature much more in her human form than he realized. Cats were known for their grace and beauty in movement, the flowing way that their bodies move through space. They moved from the center of their bodies, and the motion and energy flowed out from the center to the extremities. He wondered if she knew that she was exactly like that. Maybe that was why she was so good at those soft, slow, almost thai chi-ish movements when she did that wind-thing. Why hadn't he thought about that before? Learning to use the energy focused in the center of your body, was hard and learning to let that energy flow out to your extremities in a continuous manner, would lead to a smooth, circling, and spiraling type of motion of the body and extremities while practicing. One of the things that made her walk so cat-like to look at, was that much of her gracefulness came from her ability to relax her muscles. She used the minimum muscular tension necessary to move, and relaxed the rest of her body. Because there was no unnecessary tension in the muscles, there was no blockages of kinetic energy, and everything flowed. But she wasn't much calm all the time; while she appeared placid and calm, she was nevertheless able to respond in an instant to her environment…a striking, and seemingly paradoxical combination of serenity and alertness. She was beautiful, yet intimidating especially in her lion form. He caught her eyes now, only the slightest hint of green visible in the night air feeling slightly mesmerized by her.

**Toshi's POV.**

It wasn't long before I got back from my 'turf hunt' and I was relieved to finally be back where Kakashi was. He'd already set up our sleeping place, and seemed to be in a relaxed mood. His eyes lingered at me as I came closer, as if he was deep in thought. I frowned uncomfortably and held the turf tightly.

"What're you thinking?" I asked and dumped the turf and sticks in front of the u-formed rock formation he'd made before I plumped down beside him. He definitely looked tired now.

"Well… I was thinking—" he stopped and looked at me wary. I didn't know why but something about the look he gave me made me feel… how should I put it? Equal to him. His grey visible eye was penetrating me in all silence.

"Ahem!"

Startled I looked up to see my clone that stood in front of us looking indifferent and bored. It dropped the turf it had collected and raised an eyebrow at Kakashi, who apparently was still looking at me. I looked back at him confused and then back at the clone.

"Umm…" I muttered, just as my clone disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Oh well, better start the fire." Kakashi said seeming to be in a completely different mood.

It wasn't long before I was sitting with a stick with the chicken at the end, roasting it over the fireplace that Kakashi had made, deciding to not think about the look Kakashi had given me. I felt relaxed, sitting beside him in silence listening to the crackling sound of the fire.

"Thanks for finding firewood." Kakashi said, breaking the silence. I looked at him a bit stunned. He was looking into the fire, his eyes lost in deep thought again. My eyes flickered away; he was quite handsome sitting there.

"No problem." I muttered.

We sat for a moment more in silence as a random thought crossed my mind.

"I saw a kid today with a tattoo on his forehead. It said love." I said while kicking a stone into the fire—" I wonder what I feels like." I sighed and watched the orange bright fire in front of me.

"To get a tattoo?" he asked dumbly. I moved uncomfortably in the sand and turned the chicken slightly.

"N-no, I mean… you know, love. Sometimes I think I'm immune to it." I admitted, embarrassment hitting me the second I'd finished the sentence. I felt Kakashi's eyes on me; I wished I hadn't started the conversation. I knew that Kakashi would avoid it anyway.

Why_? Why did I say that? _I mentally slapped myself over and over, trying with all my strength to hold a good poker face. I didn't have the guts to look at him now.

"I guess you'll find out some time. Love can be defined in many ways" he said.

I glanced over at him seeing him shrugging as he looked back into the fire. I enjoyed looking at his side-profile that way. The orange fire reflecting in his eye. I opened my mouth to speak but he beat me.

"Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection and attachment. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure 'I loved that meal' to intense interpersonal attraction 'I love my girlfriend'. This diversity of uses and meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states."…

I could definitely tell that there was no love in that sentence. Either Kakashi was too intelligent to describe love, or he deliberately gave me an objective point of view to keep his own opinion out. I looked into the fire a bit stunned. It didn't sound very appealing when he put it that way. He sighed deeply.

"If you really want to become a fully fletched ninja, it's probably good that you're immune. It's one of the hardest feelings to conceal." His voice became a bit softer and he seemed lost somewhere again. He was probably thinking about Obito.

"But I thought you weren't like that anymore. I-I mean to show that you care about someone, maybe love them. Isn't that why you're so obsessed with teamwork?... Y-you tend to push people away though so they won't come that close to you." I stuttered. I felt like I was on empty grounds, and concentrated on the chicken in front of me.

He was probably going to react like he usually did; talking about it like it was no big deal. But I was wrong this time. I felt him turn his head, his eyes gazing at me with an enmity I'd only seen a few times in my time with him. Well, maybe it wasn't enmity but it sure felt like it. I stared at the chicken in front of me, pretending to roast it carefully. After a minute of his burning a hole in my neck with his eyes, I decided to change the focus.

"You know, sometimes I'm afraid what I might be like if I ever find out what it is and—" Kakashi cut me off mid sentence.

"Toshi… Don't think so much about it. You might be closer than you think." He said and finally looked away from me.

I looked into the fire, feeling a bit saddened. Maybe he was right. Maybe I should just stop thinking so much about it and just focus on being a ninja. We sat there for some time, both in our own world.

"By the way—" I started.—"I might as well just tell you. I don't know if I can control myself, or Eien. Especially not when I can see both of your eyes." I admitted.

"So you are telling me to be on my guard?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. I sighed and brushed my forehead in frustration. It wasn't as funny to enter some one's mind, as it used to be. Now I actually cared if I hurt somebody with it.

"Yes… Even though I will try my best to control her. I wish I knew how to save me from myself sometimes." I said now resting my head on my knee.

"Well, that's what I'm here for." He said and elbowed me once.

"Yeah and you're not doing a very good job." I teased, smiling to myself.

"I'm not?" he asked in complete seriousness. Sometimes I forgot how little humor he had.

"Jeez, I was joking Kakashi." I said smugly and rolled my eyes at him.

He shrugged lazily and chuckled as he put his hand on my shoulder to get up.

"Well, wake me up when it's ready." He said and took a few steps backwards to lie down between the stones.

**.**

As time progressed I was starting to feel the cold of the desert. I listened to the dying fire in front of me and Kakashi's steady breath from behind. I lost track of time as I stared into the fire lost in thoughts about life. I watched how the fire got bigger and bigger and… No no no! I yanked the chicken back in a quick move as it had caught on fire.

"Noo!" I hissed and threw it in the sand to stop the fire from ruining it.

I sighed when I saw how black it had gotten, and on top of that was filled with sand. My stomach growled in protest. I hissed irritated and threw the chicken away, hearing it land somewhere in the darkness with a thud. What a waste.

I moved around and walked over to Kakashi who sounded like he was asleep. He hadn't made much room for the both of us and I sat down, trying to push him a bit to the side.

"Kakashi, move." I said and nudged him in the side, finally getting him to move the slightest.

I tried to lie down beside him without getting too close and moved around a bit uncomfortably before I found a good position. I felt the warmth form the stones surrounding us, the same warmth that Kakashi gave off at times. I looked at him sleeping with his face upwards feeling very self aware when laying so close to him. I remembered the time when I'd accidentally tugged myself into his side while I was asleep, recalling the feeling of being so close. Getting stubborn I turned around to lie on my back, trying to avoid his arm that was folded under his head. This city was completely silent except for the brisk sound of wind outside the wall. I looked into the sky, enjoying to familiarity of the shining stars as I adjusted to the warmth coming off the stones and Kakashi. I sighed and glanced over at him; he looked peaceful, more human and less ninja. I closed my eyes feeling how tired my body was and gave into the heavy feeling…

* * *

I'll keep working on the next chapter as soon as I'm done with laundry! xD Hope you enjoyed.


	12. Air for life Chapter 12

**Yay a knew chapter! **  
**I really hope you guys like this one. I've been getting a lot messages and reviews**  
** from readers who are getting a bit impatient about Toshi and Kakashi being **  
**together. Buuuut I'm not going to spoil anything or tell you how soon they'll be, cause**  
**I like to keep it interresting, and having the element of surprise, plus i think it's much**  
**more exciting to read without expectations of how many chapters i will have to read**  
**through before that thing I want to happen, happens :D So i hope you will enjoy this one ;)**

Oh, and a big thanks to the reviews lately, they are really appreciated.

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Kakashi forced his eyes away from an interesting chapter in his book and looked into the sky, trying to guess what time it was. It was ridiculous how Toshi could keep sleeping in this heat wave. They should've continued the mission hours ago, but he couldn't let go of his book and he also enjoyed watching Toshi toss and turn in the sun. She looked really uncomfortable, her arm planted across her face to make shade from the sun. If she didn't wake up soon she would get a really bad sun burn. He'd thought it impossible to sleep as soon as the sun had risen and had told himself that Toshi felt the same way. Apparently she didn't. She was seriously a heavy sleeper.

Even though his book kept him occupied he couldn't help but notice how his thoughts slipped to Toshi. He was honestly taken by surprise yesterday when she'd told him about his 'relationship to other people'. It took a great deal out of him to seem nonchalant about it, but he'd failed miserably! She was even closer than he'd imagined, and on top of that; she confronted him with it. It wasn't supposed to be like that at all and yet he couldn't help feeling glad and flattered about it, though his common sense told him otherwise. He groaned inwardly and rubbed his forehead frustrated. She was starting to mess with his mind, and _that _he knew was a bad thing… Or was it? He felt conflicted; it was against his principles to let anyone now that much about himself and—Toshi stirred in her sleep and started to come to life. He peeped over his shoulder as she opened her eyes groggily frowning when she seemed to realize that it wasn't night anymore.

"Jeez, how can the temperature change so much. Freezing at night, burning by day." She growled, sitting up and looking… well Toshi-cute.

"And you've gained a lot of color too." He said taking a notice at her skin color that was starting to look tan. She peeped at her arms confused.

"I have—" she mused—"I hope I won't get red though." She said letting a hand sliding down her arm.

**Toshi's POV.**

Great… Kakashi was so busy with his book that he'd forgotten the time and I was becoming sun-burned. Just great. I looked into the sky to see where the sun stood and guessed that it was around 7 am.

"You have forgotten the time Kakashi." I said looking at him reading his book again.

He'd taken off his ninja-vest and the sweatshirt and was wearing that tight ninja-tank-top thing with a mask attached to it. I'd always wondered if he got those special made for him. His broad strong shoulders showed… Kakashi peeped over his shoulder again, and I quickly looked somewhere else before I would start to blush. Why'd he have to look so good?

"We are?" he mused and clapped his book together.

"You know, it's a really bad habit you have there." I stated as I got up and took a good stretch while a big yawn made its way to my mouth. He got up smoothly too lifting an eyebrow at me.

"At least I don't sleep as heavy as you. You're an easy target when you sleep." He smacked right back in my face.

"I-I don't sleep heavily." I stuttered embarrassed, and crossing my arms dissatisfied over my chest. Kakasshi shrugged at me nonchalantly and turned to pick up his vest.  
**.**

Having pulled up my messy hair in a ponytail, we once again walked the desert. The heat was almost unbearable as I'd never experienced anything like it. Kakashi looked completely unaffected by the heat… But he was, after all, an elite ninja. As we had walked a few hours the mountains came into view. A small spire of hope started to grow in my stomach as I saw the familiar green forests that started to grow on the mountains.

As we reached the luxurious, green area of the mountains the temperature began to fall drastically. I enjoyed the cold and moist air that hit me when we jumped through the tree tops. The air howled in my ears because of the speed and I finally felt as if I was back where I belonged. We jumped for a while in silence adjusting to the changes before I sensed two chakras nearby.

"Kakashi." I hissed under my breath.

"I know." He said, his professional mode kicking in.

We both stopped on the same branch, and I was making sure that I was going unnoticed, treading lightly as we stopped.

"Their chakras are too strong to be normal civilians." Kakashi said bending down in his knees to concentrate. He'd lifted his headband up to use his sharingan and I fought hard against the urge to look at it.

I nodded in agreement and we both moved closer to assess the situation and danger. Give me five seconds I said, and inhaled sharply as I closed my eyes, pulling out some of Eiens chakra. I felt two beings, two life forms ahead of us. Their minds were filled with ideas, corruption and obedience. I had a bit difficulties with the distance. It wasn't that I could read minds but just feel them, getting an idea of what was going on. I struggled with getting the actual mind-set they were in.

"I-I don't know—"I said already having opened my eyes—"I can tell they're ninjas and I get a bad vibe, but I'm not sure what is going on. At least I know that _something_is going on."

"Let's move closer." Kakashi whispered and we both jumped closer, hiding our chakra and sounds.

"We'll just sneak inside and take all her money. If that old hag is of any kind of danger we'll just kill her. Got it?"

I landed on a thick branch beside Kakashi and lowered my body so that I could faintly see and hear the two ninjas. I peeped around the tree, to see where they were heading and saw a clearing with a small wooden house. I glanced over at Kakashi who looked troubled, leaning against the tree with crossed arms as he looked down at the two.

"We shouldn't interfere." He whispered with a deadly serious tone.

"What? They're trying to kill someone innocent." I hissed looking up at him with a frown.

"And who does that remind you about?" he whispered back his tone carefully neutral.

Ouch, that was a mean call. I got up again looking at him in disbelief.

"Why do you say that?" I hissed, feeling hurt at what he said, even though it was true. I didn't want to start an argument now though.

He stared at me, his eyes glistening capriciously. I realized he was testing me. Taking in a deep breath, trying to get my stirring up temperament to cool down, I tried to whisper again.

"I can take them down quickly, just wait here." I said and crouched down.

It wasn't good that Kakashi'd decided to play games now, cause I felt my burning temper starting to pull in Eien's chakra and she pulsed under my surface. She was tuning in her instincts with my mind and the killer-mode started to kick in. Kakashi was in the blink of an eye by my side, putting is hand firmly on my shoulder.

"Toshi, I said no. Don't do anything stupid and rash." He pressed his hand down harder. I yanked his hand off with a low hiss and sat off.

But I was yanked back by Kakashi's strength and could barely sense what happened before I was pinned up against the very same tree. I could barely control the immense amount of chakra running through me and looked at him ferociously. I met his eyes and could see that he wasn't happy with my actions. He held his lower half of his arm across my throat and used the other to hold me by my collar as he pushed his bodyweight into the grip.

"What's wrong with you? You can't take I little teasing without going berserk? You don't know anything about the enemy, why are you so reckless?" His tall figure hovered over me, looking down at me.

His grey and red eyes were penetrating – trying futilely, I assumed, to lift the truth straight from my mind. The way he caged me made Eien go wild in my body and I still had my commons sense telling me not to hurt Kakashi.

"Let me go Kakashi." I snarled, forcing my eyes away from his and down at the two ninjas who seemed to be moving on.

He frowned, seeming to struggle with the strength he was up against.

"You're hopeless." He hissed. That sentence hurt me a bit, but it was nothing against the instincts that took over at the moment.

"I thought you had grown a lot more than this!" Kakashi hissed again pinning me even harder against the tree. I fought against him briefly with no luck, starting to gasp for air.

"I told you this could happen, didn't I? You don't know what it's like!" I faced him nose to nose, bewildered and stubborn, glaring at him full of frustration. I couldn't focus on suppressing her and every little thing seemed to build up. I was sure I was about to explode.

"Just calm down, okay?" his voice was more controlled now, calmer and more soothing. I sensed his arm that pressed on my throat roaming upwards and away like he was approaching something dangerous.

"What're you doing?" I hissed, seeing my opportunity to get away.

"Don't you see, that you're doing the exact thing that I confronted you with just moments ago." He explained.

He pressed his forehead against mine, holding my head in place. His eyes were so close to mine that I temporarily forgot about the two ninjas below. He held me in an iron-grip as his hand was now at my face tracing along my cheekbone and around to my neck. I tried once more to struggle against him but he kept me still, his eyes also locking me into place. I got confused by his closeness and started to become aware of him instead of myself. The touch of his finger around the pearl in my neck immediately started to snap me out of whatever state of mind I was in.

"What're you…" I hissed trying to act unaffected.

He started tracing around the pearl, never releasing the pressure of his forehead. I became aware of his warm breath coming down on me and felt suddenly absolutely captivated by the moment. My heart rate started to pick up in a strange way and it fluttered when I felt his tracing. I had no idea what to do with my fluttering heart, the feeling floating around inside me like small bubbles of joy and longing. It was exactly as I remembered it in the hot-springs – but better. I looked him in the eyes with no thought of being afraid that Eien would enter him. Just looking at his eyes staring back at me as if we suddenly understood each other while I enjoyed his touch. He was somehow tantalizing. My pride was long gone, and I felt bared but couldn't do anything about it and wasn't sure if I wanted to. My knees got weak and my speech was gone. Kakashi started to release his iron-grip and his eye-lock. I gasped out; apparently I'd been holding my breath for a while. I didn't want him to stop. Now he just stood in front of me with his hand still tracing around the pearl. I stared dazed at him to a great level of embarrassment as he chuckled.

"I knew this weak spot would come in handy some day." He said. He stopped tracing my neck and withdrew his hand while smiling.

It took a few seconds for me to realize the situation and my cheeks immediately flushed red in embarrassment.

"What the hell!" I pushed him in the chest, feeling completely blank about how to defend myself.

I was shocked that I was this weak towards him, and I'd never felt more embarrassed in my whole life. It was like he was looking at me naked and I had nothing to cover myself with.

"Wha… I-I." I had absolutely nothing to say that would help my situation.

"Look how fine and red your cheeks are. You look so healthy." He teased, smiling at me seeming to hold in a chuckle.

"Shut up." I hissed looking sour as a little child.

But I seriously didn't know what to do. I was just glad that he couldn't feel what I'd felt. He couldn't know how much he actually affected me. It wasn't just my weak spot - it was because it was him, and the way he did it. I was glad he didn't know that. At least he didn't know that he could also use my apparent feelings as a weak spot.

"That was a cheap shot you know." I muttered dryly holding a hand awkwardly to my arm while rubbing it.

"Why? It wasn't easy to hold you still you know." He said with a shrug.

I crossed my arms and muttered some incoherent things as a metallic swoosh echoed through the forest, and before I could react I looked at a kunai only inches from my face, Kakashi's hand securely around it.

"And apparently you guard goes down too." He murmered, glancing down at the attacker.

"Go now!" the ninja who'd thrown the kunai called to his comrade.

"I'll take the one who went for the house." I said and disappeared without waiting for Kakashi to say anything.

I chased the ninja to the clearing I'd seen before but was almost too late. I raced through the trees, as I saw him disappear into the small house with a mischievous grin in his face. I sprinted forward as soon as reached the grassed area but slowed down quickly when an old lady came out on the front porch.

"Go away Konoha ninja! You have nothing to do here! I won't allow any filthy killers here." she called angrily.

"Old lady, a thief just walked into your house." I called back.

"I said stay away!" she called as loudly as she could. Apparently I provoked her as I was still walking forward and she bit her thump.

I'd seen that before. I'd seen Kakashi do it. She made a few hand seals and slammed her hand to the ground.

"Wait, old lady—" I shut my mouth close when huge, grey cross breed looking lion lashed forward from out the smoke and landed on the ground forcefully digging up dirt and grass with its huge paws.

I felt a chill run down my spine. It looked like a cross between a lion and panther as its face was longer and thinner than of a lions. It was bigger than Eien. It's fur was a beautiful silver grey color, and it had a comb of longer hair growing along its neck like a young lion.

_"Get away!_Now!_" _Eiens voice roared inside my head so loudly that I almost stumbled over.

_"What? Why?"_I asked her inside my head, my eyes wide with a sudden fear. Never in my life had I heard Eien this afraid before.

_"Just run already!" she roared, starting to stir up chakra again._

"Tell me why!"

I was starting get a clue that this meeting maybe could be a major brick the puzzle of my life. It seemed that Eien knew this fellow.

_"I suddenly remember."_ She whispered as if she'd had a vision—"_his name is Gin-iro no Honou (_meaning silver flame._)He's strong!"_

"What? You know him? What's going on?"

I kept my eyes locked at the lion before me, and he was staring right back at me.

_"I used to be one of them."_She whispered in shock. Eien's memories were gone up until she woke up inside of me. Apparently some of it was back now.

_"We were once very close."_She said

"_So you're telling me that you're a ninja-cat? How on earth did you get inside of me?" _I yelled at her. Something was starting to be unraveled and I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear it.

"_I still don't remember…"_she said, sounding disappointed.

Gin-iro roared at me and made me focus again. He sat off for me, stretching forward while opening his huge gab. I had barely time to react, and grabbed his two largest front teeth just in time. His hot breath rushed over me like a wave of damp. I slid backwards through the grass under his force, praying that I wouldn't lose my foothold. He was unbelievably strong.

"Gin-Iro no Honou listen to me! Someone walked into that lady's house. I'm trying to—" my voice came out shaky and I removed my hands just before his jaws clasped together in front of me. I backed away quickly.

"How do you know my name girl?" Gin-iro's voice was deep and bas-like. Frightening as hell.

"Um—" I held my hands up to pacify the grey lion in front of me—" Eien no Honou told me." I really had to no idea what to say.

Gin-iro's expression changed by the mentioning of her name. At first he looked shocked, but then his eyes widened and his lips curled up over his teeth.

"What have you done to her?" he leaped forward, furious beyond comparison. I got out of the way as fast I could, desperately trying to figure out his next leap.

"I knew there was something off. Her chakra is stuck all over you!" he roared, leaping for me once more.

"_Tell him already_!" Eien yelled at me. I'd never felt her acting so vulnerable before, and that started to show in me too.

"I-I was born with her in me! I—"I began to stumble over the words, concentrating on getting out his way as he kept leaping for me.

I tried to create a clone, feeling Eien's strength weaken in me. I was in some serious mess that I couldn't get out of and I couldn't reach the house either. If I got in between those jaws of his it was the end for me.

"Toshi what's going on?" Kakashi now stood in at the edge of the clearing, seeming confused.

"Long story short; ninja-lion, Eien is one of them." I shouted out for him to hear. I seemed to be quickly out of breath though.

"She's?" before I knew of it, Gin-iro changed direction, dirt and grass flying up from the ground under his force. He was in front of Kakashi in an instant. It was almost like my heart skipped beat and I acted out of pure reflexes. I too leaped forward transforming into Eien's form and lashed sideways into Gin-iro's neck.

But then it all went black, lights flashing and shifting around me. Air swirled all around, pulling in my hair and clothes until a warm wind calmed everything down in one breath. I stood in a white, bright room with no sound. It took me a few seconds to realize where I was but the room was familiar. I looked down my body to see myself naked, having a hard time to focus, or to feel any kind of bad emotion at all. This place I knew as the 'the center of my mind'. It was the place just where the spirit connected with the body. It was as far out as you could go in the mind, and as pure as the mind could ever get. It was here _true_ bonds were connected. Being so in touch with another soul was almost impossible. But when I forced myself in here in another person's mind I would only see an illusion, a dim mirror of what that was truly there. I'd done it once before on another person and had promised myself not to go that far again; even for me when I felt how a personal matter it was. Munks, Buddhists were capable of entering this place but they didn't see it in such a visual way as I did, they just felt it. I could hear my own in and out breath, and knew that I'd been forced back by Eien's personality. I listened to the in and out breath.

"Eien… Give me my body back." My voice echoed through the room even though I didn't move my mouth. I spun around to look for her.

It hadn't been many times she'd taken control of me, but surely enough for me to know what was going on. I tried to focus on believing that I could see her somewhere even though it was hard to convince myself. Like dreams a part of this place was controlled by the thought and the will. If you truly believe you can fly in a dream you will and in the moment you remember gravity you start to fall and stop believing that you can fly, even though you did seconds ago.  
A light breeze swooshed by me and like a clearing cloud, she appeared in front of me. She stood like a statue, proud and beautiful, eyes unfocused to somewhere in the distance. I walked over to her and reached out with my suddenly perfect hands, stroking her short white fur. She grew as I grew in age and strength, and was starting to look quite high. I pushed her once by her shoulder, but she stood still like a wall. I had no idea about what was going on outside. For what I knew off she could be attacking Kakashi… I couldn't feel anything but an eager to see him again, even though I knew I had to get out. With more will power I pushed her harder, pulled in her skin to get her to give me back my body. I started to feel some twitches in my finger, finally getting somewhere. I started to push her harder, believing that I could do it, that I had to do it. Then it felt as if a black curtain slammed down at me and I was back in my body.

I don't know how long I was out, but my senses came back to me quickly as soon as I started to gain consciousness again. I felt really disorientated and was apparently doing a lot of somersaults with, assumingly, Kakashi's chest in my face. His face came into view as we stopped rolling; he was looking up for something, hovering over me like a wolf. Obviously I had changed back to my human form. I panicked a bit about my dizziness and tried to look up as well.

"What happened?" I asked groggily. Looking around frantically.

Kakashi looked down at me as if he hadn't realized that I was awake again. He looked surprised.

"Good you're awake! You were almost ripped apart." He said without moving away.

"W… I'd hoped they were making up." I said now starting to realize that we were in a tree, and I had no idea how we got there.

"Didn't she—" Kakashi grabbed me around my stomach knocking the air out of my lungs as he pulled me with him just before the branch were crushed by Gin-iro.

"I'll tell you later." He yelled shortly and I noticed that he was using his sharingan.

"I really don't want to use too much energy on this battle. This wasn't supposed to happen, and he's pretty strong." He said as we landed again.

"Like when you use your sharingan too much." I coughed finally getting a hold of myself besides my breath. I saw Gin-iro from far away and saw that his expression could only be one of pain. Kakashi nodded and hid behind a tree with me.

"Eien tried to talk some sense into him, but they ended up in a battle. It took on him I think, but not enough." Kakashi explained.

I evaluated the situation carefully and played with the thought of using a jutsu I rarely used due to the enormous amount of chakra I used. I felt Kakashi alerted beside me, ready to move every second. I wanted an end to this.

"I have a jutsu." I blurted out, stating it more than telling it to him. I glanced over at him and met his serious eyes. He knew that I wasn't playing with something new.

"Either way; you'll have to get far away or you'll have to stand really close to me… And by that I mean really close." I said, not really caring what he choose as long as he didn't get in the way. I knew that we'd had a weird moment before when he'd rubbed my neck but this wasn't the time to think of him standing close again.

**Kakashi's POV.**

He nodded to Toshi, understanding that she was serious about what she said. She nodded back t him giving him one last look as if she was afraid deep down inside. He just wanted to let her do her thing. Jumping away from their hiding spot he watched her land in the middle of the clearing, exposed and vulnerable. That wasn't a good move. He wasn't sure if he'd ever seen her skills unfold to the fullest yet, and he was kind of hoping that he would catch a glimpse of it now, sucking every detail about her into his sharingan memory. It was odd though they'd just stumbled upon Eien's past suddenly. Could that mean that Toshi was unknowingly able to summon herself back into the world of the ninja-animals? A lot of new questions were unanswered. He'd asked himself a lot of questions about Toshi ever since he got to know her better and more questions just seemed to keep rising up. Everything about her was a mystery especially all her abilities. He would also have to remind himself that it was dangerous to use that weak spot of hers, because her defenses fell drastically.

Kakashi's eyes was focused on her, but he had to snap himself out of his thoughts as he saw Toshi start to manipulate the air around her, using slow wavelike motions with her arms. He had to make a decision quickly. Instinctively he calculated the best possibility for success. The distance between him and her was much smaller than the distance he would have to run away. Without a second thought he jumped over to her, standing closely behind her, as it was easier for her to make her movements.

"Closer." She said calmly but with an edge of impatience. He moved right up behind her, and couldn't get any closer without pushing her.

"Closer." She said again seeming to make the same movements over and over as if she was only waiting for him. He cursed at himself for complicating this but he didn't really know what to expect.

"Forcing wind of earth." She muttered so he could barely hear it, she lowered her hands as if she was walking on a thin line and breathed out…

A wind started blowing around them, but he immediately realized that it was coming from the ground. The wind got brisk and harsh and Kakashi's vest started to blow over his head. He looked at the ground in confusion; was he supposed to feel this? He lifted his food to stand even closer to her, but as soon as he did he could barely put down his foot again.

"Dammit, you have to attach yourself to me! What are you waiting for?" she snarled at him, her patience starting to run up obviously.

He didn't know why he hadn't thought of being _so_close to her and he had no time to think. He struggled with getting his arms around her and his feet closer as the wind blew him forcefully upwards and he struggled to keep foothold. It felt as if sandpaper grinded his chins and thought that she should've been much clearer about what to do cause it was starting to hurt him. He hugged her tightly from behind, squeezing himself into her and digging his head into her neck and closing his eyes, positively sure that he was about to fly away. But just as quick as the wind had come, it took off and he couldn't feel as much as a breeze. Listening to Toshi's breath he opened his eyes and looked without moving. Startled he saw the wind tearing everything up from the ground around them and gasped when Gin-Iro came from the side trying to get to them. But he was torn up from the ground, his front paws trying desperately to hold on to the ground. Gin-iro tried to counter awkwardly but couldn't do much anymore.

"Come on!" he heard Toshi close to his ear and his grip automatically started to loosen when he realized how close she was. The wind started to pull his vest again, and he immediately tightened his grip once again and was left in shock over himself. How could he do something as fatal as loosen his grip in such a serious situation? Why did he hesitate? What had she done that could make him do that? She couldn't possibly mean so much to him that he would flinch away from her just because he was starting to doubt himself and his own feelings? What the heck was happening to him?

**Toshi's POV.**

I had a hard time on concentrating when Kakashi was literally hugging me. If it wasn't for him I could've gotten rid of Gin-iro by now. If he could just move his head away from the side of my neck so I couldn't feel his breath it would be a lot easier cause those butterflies would go away. Gin-iro was being stubborn, his lips pulling upwards, and holding himself to the ground with just one paw now. The tiles of the roof flew around everywhere and the roots of the trees were starting to show. Gin-iro roared one last time before his head was forced upwards as the wind grew even stronger. His fur was starting to fly off too just before he let go and flew upwards disappearing in a puff of smoke.

Finally I could relax my hands and the wind took off just as quick as it came. Silence filled the clearing and I breathed out just as branches started to fall to the ground. It was hard to breathe properly while using this jutsu and also with Kakashi attached around me…

"You can let go now." I breathed as he still hugged me tightly.

"Are you sure?" He asked, releasing warm breath into my neck.

I closed my eyes and gulped, trying to hold back the pleasant chills.

"I'm pretty sure." I said, holding my voice from quivering.

He loosened his grip slowly and I immediately felt I that I could breathe properly. I turned around to face him and took a step back as he was still close behind me. He looked startled and a bit sick. I told myself that it was a good thing that the notorious copy ninja looked so bewildered over my jutsu. But then his expression changed a few times in only seconds; first he looked a bit admiring, then scared and then dead serious. He put his hand on to my shoulder abruptly.

"That jutsu… Why have you never told me that you have such power?" He looked down at me as if he was mad somehow, but I felt that it wasn't directed at me.

"Well—"I had no idea what to answer—"maybe I thought you had a clue." I said with shrug starting to get confused by his behavior.

"I can't read minds like you." He pointed out taking away his hands.

It seemed that he sighed inwardly and decided to let go of whatever that left him in this strange manner, and then smiled with his eyes seeming to relax.

There wasn't much talking after that. I was annoyed by my body's strange behavior while Kakashi looked casual an unaffected as usual. I hoped though, that the old lady was alright. The house hadn't been ripped apart by my jutsu. I had so many questions about Eien and Gin-iro and my head started to fill up with all the thoughts. I tried to focus on the current situation though.

"You really don't want to listen to me today." Kakashi said, ripping me out of my thoughts. Apparently I was heading for the house. He stepped in front of me with a lifted eyebrow.

"I really want to know if she's still alive." I said, stepping around him to go up the two stairs that lead to the front porch.

I picked up a stool which was upside down on my way to the door and reached for it full of anxiety.

"Wait." Kakashi maneuvered himself around me once again, giving me a 'really?' look with his gorgeous eyes… No Toshi, don't think that!

I stared back at him with a lifted eyebrow as I put my hand on my hips, waiting for him to move. He sighed and I smirked at him as he gave up turning around to walk in first. Obviously he didn't feel very comfortable about me going in there first. He opened it slowly only peeping inside. I moved anxiously behind him trying to look over his shoulder but without any luck.

Kakashi grunted slightly as he took a step inside;

"What? What is it?" I asked pushing him a bit to the side so I could finally get a better look at what was inside.

I frowned at the sight of a dead body and the smell of blood. The old lady was laying in a puddle of her own blood on the floor. Her grey long hair mixed with the red liquid and the dirt on the floor and I felt how there was no life in her.

"He killed her." I breathed dryly.

Kakashi who probably could feel the same as I, kneeled down beside her and checked her pulse. I walked further inside the house, assuming that the thief was gone by now, since Kakashi looked so unguarded.

"Yup she's definitely dead." He said and raised his tall figure to look around the house.

I looked up at the wooden barns across the ceiling; they were clean. I assumed that the old lady cleaned often due to the lack of spider webs which should be found in a house like this. Countless papers and scrolls were scattered all over the place, though they had probably been in order before the thief was here.

"Look at that." I muttered and walked to wall filled with papers with writings.

"This surely wasn't an ordinary old lady." Kakashi stepped over her dead body to take a look at some of the papers on the floor.

My eyes caught an old piece of paper hanging loosely on the wall, flapping in the wind that came through the door. Aside from the other pieces of paper this one was an ink painting of something that looked like a lion. I walked closer to remove another piece of paper that was covering half of it. It was an old drawing; the lion's mouth open, baring sharp teeth and its claws extended. It looked demonic and strong. It was almost as if I could picture it before me, running through flames…

"Ugh." I bumped my feet into something on the floor and cursed a bit before I realized what it was. A giant scroll was laying on the floor and it was about 3,5 feet tall.

"Kakashi look at this." I said and bend down to brush some dust off it.

"Seems like they were only here for money." He muttered, not really paying attention to me.

I removed at chair which partly was laying over the scroll and lifted it up so I could see how high it really was.

"Seriously, you should see this." I said and brushed the scroll off some more.

I felt that I had his attention now, and listened as his changed path and walked towards me. He came to my side looking the scroll up and down, touching it barely as if it would break easily.

"That's a serious scroll you found." He said, sounding pondering and deep in thought.

"We should open it." I enthusted and began to unattach the robe which was holding it closed.

"Wait Toshi. This isn't ours. Someone will probably come along to visit her. Don't you think they have more right to her belongings than us?"He raised an eyebrow at me, looking as if he was hoping that I would make the right choice.

"But… I just want a look." I pleaded, trying my best to look cute (even though we all know that I shouldn't try such things).

"You're really not in the listening mood today are you?" Kakashi sighed, looking lazy again. "Fine, but go outside, there isn't enough room in here." He said glancing around the house.

"Sure." I replied, and started to lift the scroll with both hands, barely able to lift it through the house.

"Sorry." I squeaked when I accidentally stepped on the old lady's hand, haven forgotten almost everything about her. Well, it wasn't like I was used to the sight.

"Gross." I mumbled, dragging the scroll with me and out the door.

"You should respect the dead." Kakashi said walking right behind me and pushing me forward once.

"Yeah I know… Sorry." I said rolling me eyes at him. He could be so formal at times.

The scroll bumped into the grass as I made it outside, and I fell to me knees, ready to open the scroll like a kid on Christmas morning. Kakashi bend down beside helping me to untighten the robes around it. We worked in silence, and I felt that his close presence made me annoyingly nervous. As we had gotten the robes loose I immediately started to open the scroll, letting it roll several feet, before Kakashi grabbed my hand. I looked up at him in question, meeting his intense eyes while feeling that rush of energy running through me as soon as he'd grabbed my hand.

"Here. This is the important page. It is, as I assumed, a summoning scroll." He said looking down at the paper and pointing at the signatures with his free hand.

"A summoning scroll…" I said in wonder—" Like your Ninja dogs." I asked, mostly wondering why he was still holding my hand.

"Just like them. This is probably the scroll she used to summon the lion before." He said, his eyes reading the signatures through, as he slowly released my hand, looking completely unaffected and unaware of how long he'd actually been holding it.

He seemed tense though, like he was on his guard of everything around me, including me. I could tell that I his muscles tensed if I just moved the slightest. He straightened himself up a bit and took a finger to his chin as if he was thinking hard.

"You should write your name on it." He said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Wh-what? Me? Do you want _me_to have it?" I stuttered and looked surprised at him.

"Why not? Rather you than some criminal." He said with a shrug.

"Why thank you, you really know how to flatter." I said, my voice filled with sarcasm.

I looked down at the scroll feeling a bit annoyed, while considering his offer. I wasn't sure if I was ever going to use the scroll. I would have to make friends with the cats too. Maybe it would end up a pain in the ass.

"Just write you name there." He said and pointed to a blank spot on the paper.

"Kakashi, I don't think—"I was cut off by a hand smacking the back of my neck.

"Don't think so much about everything Toshi. This will only make you stronger if you choose to put some time into it. You just have to write you name in your blood." He said, now smiling at me.

"Jeez." I said and rubbed the back of my head, feeling insulted.

Listening to him would probably be the sanest thing to do. He had a tendency to be right about things. I shot him one last glare before I bit my thump just enough for a descent amount of blood to come out. I looked at the paper and wrote the kanji symbols for: Toshi Setsuko.

"Done!" I said, looking proudly at my bad kanji skills.

"Good girl." He said happily but with an undertone of sarcasm.

"I'm not a dog." I snapped as he rolled the scroll together just in time for me to remove my hands.

"But you'll have to carry it." He said and lifted the scroll upright.

"I knew there was a down side to this."I muttered while getting up.

"Strong ninjas bear heavy burdens."He quoted and rolled his eyes at me walking up behind me to put the straps around my shoulder.

I grunted when the scroll almost pulled me to the ground, and I felt myself stagger, as my arms were waving around in the air in a desperate try not to look like a giant fool in front of Kakashi. I failed miserably.

And then I fell.

… And to my huge mortification, he caught me in the upper arms and said:

"I know, it's a heavy scroll, huh?" sarcasm evident in his voice.

I looked up at him from the middle of his chest, laying my head back and blushing like a giant idiot, when he looked at me like this kind of thing happened to him every day. I narrowed my eyes the slightest bit as I pulled free of his grab, mentally slapping myself as the words slipped out:

"It was the gravity… It changed… It happens!"

Oh fuck no. Now I was using lame excuses. I was starting to transform into Kakashi… As a woman!"

I straightened up, jerking away from him as I looked at his innocent expression, as if he didn't get my behavior.

"Well? Should we move on?" I shouted, turning around to stomp in some direction that would make me forget my idiosyncrasy.

"You're going to wrong way Toshi." He said.

I stopped, my eyebrow quivering uncontrollably and turned around on my heels and was met by Kakashi's lazy expression. Oh well, at least it looked like he was thinking a bit.

"I knew that… I was just testing you." I said, pulling up in the robes around me shoulder and stomped in the direction he was pointing.

It was hard to hold the pokerface as I'd once again pulled off a lame excuse. I came to the conclusion that I was spending too much time with him. That explained my body's strange behavior and all the excuses I could suddenly make. Kakashi turned with me as I walked by him, smiling the slightest at me.

"What?" I hissed at him irritated. He looked awfully playful.

"Nothing." He hummed gladly and started to follow me.

* * *

**Getting excited yet? :D I don't know how long it'll take for the**  
** next chapter to come out, but I'll do my best at working on it :)**

See you guys, and have a good summer :)


	13. Air for life Chapter 13

**FINALLY I'm finished with a new exciting chapter! **  
**It took some time (sorry) but I'm finally done. **  
**I hope you'll enjoy it. Things are finally starting to change between Toshi and Kakashi!**

* * *

"This was a bad idea…" I muttered leaning against the railing of the ship and looking down at the waves crashing into the side of the ship.

I must admit that I had been pretty excited about being on a ship for the first time, not to mention that I'd never seen so much water in my life. Probably, I'd been a bit arrogant about sailing when Kakashi and I boarded the ship. He had warned me that some people get sea sick, especially with the kind of waves that were today.

Now I couldn't fight the sleepiness that fell over me like one of the crashing waves I looked at, and I was also starting to feel sick.

"I'm sorry to say this, but tiredness is the first sign of seasickness. You should probably lie down." Kakashi sat close beside me, worrying more than I liked.

There was a brisk wind coming off the waves, cool and briny. I was afraid that I would puke if that wind wasn't keeping my mind clear.

"At least look at the horizon, that always helps." Kakashi continued when I didn't reply while he rubbed my back concerned.

I frowned, fighting with my eyes not to close, focusing intensely at the horizon. Kakashi sighed seeming to be completely unaffected by the rocking ship as he looked at the waves. His body shielded me partially from the brisk wind and I knew he was freezing more than I. Even though we had two separate rooms on the ship he refused to go down stairs and leave me alone up here. I was neither capable or in the mood for going indoors.

"Is she okay man?"

A fellow who smelled abruptly much of alcohol peeped at my face while speaking to Kakashi and I was suddenly glad he was there. I closed my eyes, concentrating on controlling my rigid body. I was _not_going to throw up in front of Kakashi!

"She's fine. Thank you." Kakashi barely looked at the guy, but his tone indicated the he should leave us alone.

"I can look after her if you want to go downstairs man." The fellow said, crossing the general boundaries of space between strangers. I snapped my head to Kakashi, as a wave of panic rushed over me. I felt too weak to defend myself, even if he was a civilian.

"We're fine." Kakashi said, smiling to the man.

"Pretty girls are always taken." The fellow muttered as he wandered off. A chill ran over me, who could think of taking advantage of a sick woman?!

"Don't worry Toshi. I'm watching him." Kakashi said, once again rubbing my back for comfort.

I was suddenly aware of my body again, and this time the sickness came over me strongly since I wasn't leaning against the railing anymore.

"Shit." I mumbled slamming my arms and head to the railing once again, this time letting my eyes close.

"You know, you will feel better if you give in and take a nap. You can put your head on my lap if you feel too vulnerable out here."

He knew me too well sometimes. I couldn't fall asleep or lay down because I was too afraid that something was going to happen, or if I would die. But his words calmed me the slightest. The thought of him being right beside me while I was sick was comforting. That way he would notice if I was about to die… Well, I always feel like dying when I'm sick.

"Thanks." I muttered. But I didn't have the strength to lie down. I was certain that I was going to puke if I moved an inch of my body.

Slowly I put a hand down beside me, my palm sweaty and warm against the cold wooden floor. I just sat there for at least ten minutes and looked at the horizon, feeling that I could doze off at any minute. Kakashi sighed;

"Toshi just lie down already. You're a ninja, you have experienced much worse." He said.

I clenched my eyes, suppressing an immense amount of nausea. I tried to listen to him, my mind fighting over my body but I just couldn't get myself to close that distance between me and the floor.  
I heard Kakashi sigh once more, and moving a bit before I felt his hands on both my shoulders.

"Here I'll help."He said, gently tilting me to the side and towards him.

I tensed, while trying to follow the movement without losing control of my body as I let him tilt me to the floor. I would normally have felt pathetic as hell, but at the moment I just felt comfortable about being with him instead of being alone. He grabbed me a bit so I didn't fall to the floor and then put my head on his lap as the rest of my heavy body made contact with the floor. I had to focus a bit, to get used to the new position, but felt a bit better and relaxed on the floor with a chin on his warm thigh. I didn't have the strength to say thanks, but felt his hand clench my shoulder as if he was reading my mind. The tiredness was even harder to deal with in this position and after five minutes I lost the fight to my body's demands and fell into a deep slumber…

**.**

I woke up later by dusty rain hitting my face. Faintly, I opened my eyes, feeling slightly better and less sleepy. As my eyes adjusted, I noticed that I wasn't by the railing anymore, but sat under an open shed at the center of the ship. People were crowded together under the shed and luckily it was quite a wide shed. I felt Kakashi's thigh under my head and noticed that we were sitting closest to the wall. Dusty drops of sea water hit my face once again.

"You moved me."I stated, rolling around to my back and looking up at him.

He looked down at me in surprise and then chuckled;

"There was no need to sit directly in the wind." He said. I crossed my arms in thought and looked away from him.

"I can't believe I slept so heavily that I didn't notice you moving me." I muttered.

He shrugged, and continued to stare at the horizon far away as if I had awakened him from a deep trance. I studied him in admiration for a moment, wondering to myself if he was being peaceful or just deep in thought. I never seemed to be able tell the difference, it wasn't like he was a man with many expressions. Hard to read was a better term, which was a term I'd used a lot in my time with Kakashi.

"Do you feel better?" he asked suddenly, taking me by surprise.

"Yeah actually." I said a bit startled and told myself that I'd enjoyed enough time resting on his lap.

I sat up and stretched my arms and my back with a loud yawn while he watched me.

"I'm not very brave when I'm sick." I admitted, looking apologizing at him while scratching the back of my head

"Nope, you're pretty pathetic." He said with a smile in his eyes.

"I guess." I muttered embarrassed and crossed my legs to sit better.

I was already feeling better as Kakashi went to fetch some food for us by the small cantina at the ship. Todays menu was apparently set on porridge which wasn't much of a tasty meal, but at least healthy. We were eating silently where I'd woken up as several sailors had already approached me. I don't wear any make-up and I don't dress very girly or revealing, actually I'm always wearing Konoha's basic uniform, but still some men had the nerve to ask me how much I would cost for a night. I had one thing I wanted to say; get the hell away from me. But instead I decided to act on common sense instead of impulses.

"I'm flattered. But I'm not for sale." I said calmly as I had digested the question the first time someone had asked.

As the third, toothless and gnarled man had asked me Kakashi decided to comment on my behavior.

"Your reactions are a bit out of character." He said and put down his empty bowl.

"Well… That's because we're on a ship in the middle of nowhere." I said munching the last bit of porridge in me.

I _had_noticed that Kakashi had been watching me silently, his body tensing up as the men had approached me, as if he was ready for whatever was coming. But I liked his positive reaction.

"You should keep that attitude up—"he leaned against the wall and put his arms over his head relaxed.

"I would never have imagined that you would be so popular though. Little, lost, innocent Toshi from a small town." He looked to the sea, again, lost in thought.

"What's that supposed to mean?! Just because I'm not a normal girl, it doesn't mean that my looks can't attract." I said memorizing the men coming out of the bar I had met the same day as Kakashi and the kids had 'picked me up' from my home town.

I wasn't convinced by what I said. I never really had the time to think about other men and how I looked to them and also, I didn't even know how to actually flirt or get intimate. Sure I knew some basics, but I don't think I would ever be able to flirt seriously and really mean it.

"I didn't say that you can't attract, obviously you can." He said with a mysterious glimpse in his eye.

"Sometimes, I don't even want to get you." I said with a sigh and folded my arms on my chest and leaned against the wall.

"I didn't know that you wanted to get me. You sure don't make it obvious—" Kakashi said as I raised an eyebrow at him as he twisted my words—" I mean besides that time where you allowed me to stroke your neck in the woods. I really got _you_there."

Again he poked just the right place. As If I wasn't embarrassed enough, now he had to rub that episode into my face. I felt my cheeks heat up again, and quickly tried to suppress it. The memories hit my subconscious like a pleasurable drug and sent shivers down my body. I was happy that I could keep a good poker face.

"That's not funny. I don't think I will ever be able to make you understand how sensitive the skin on me neck is!" I objected.

"Well I got a hunch." He said while chuckling with himself.

**.**

After some more discussing, relaxing and staring into space we decided that it was about time to go to sleep. As the darkness started to fall upon the sky Kakashi and I withdrew to our cabins. For some reason I felt kind of nervous. I had my own little cabin, with one bed at the far end of the room (which was a room about three footsteps long) and besides that there was a few shelves. Both ends of the bed was hidden behind both walls in the room, as if they could barely fit a bed in there. There was one, small and round window over the bed and that was it. Kakashi's cabin was right beside mine which made me feel slightly more at ease. As I'd smoothed out of my clothes (leaving the thinner clothes on) I lied down carefully in the cold bed. I soon found out that I was starting to either get seasick or just nervous-sick… I couldn't really tell, but figured that if I fell asleep it would be over soon.

But I woke up in the middle of the night after a bad dream. I felt sick, and my body was shivering and sweating when adding the adrenalin kick I got from waking up from my bad dream. I was so sure I was going to die in here. Not just because I felt sick, but I was vulnerable, I could get raped by some of those nasty looking men from before. Had I remembered to lock the door? I tried not to hyperventilate and didn't dare to move, afraid that I was going to puke. But I had to do something. I had to find Kakashi! I sat up in my bed and got a feel of my body, and was sure that I could faint every minute. My body was still shivering and I was starting to panic and felt disorientated in the dark. I got up quickly tugging my pillow with me and tumbled to the door, opening it with all my weigh. The hallway was empty, but scary at the moment, but my priority was to get in reach of Kakashi before I would faint.

I huddled against the wall and moved forward, praying that no one would see or hear me. My legs felt oddly wobbly and I had to take in deep breaths to concentrate. I knocked at Kakashi's door and opened it quietly, not waiting for him to answer. It was dark inside his cabin and I could only make out his covered figure from the moonlight that shone in through the small window. I stepped inside quickly, feeling disorientated because of the rocking ship.

"Toshi, what're you doing?" he asked groggily and moved a bit under the covers.

I liked that he recognized my presence and that he didn't seem to be that much on alert. I felt relieved that I was finally in his room, but now I didn't know what to do. I just stood there dumb-founded as I thought about what I wanted from him.

"I-I feel very sick." I whispered as a wave of panic rushed over me again. I quickly rushed to his bed and sat down at the edge, starting take in deep breaths once again.

I heard him sigh tiredly and move around to face me.

"Are you sea-sick again?" he asked and I still couldn't see him very clearly.

"I don't know." I whispered. I wanted to tell him that I was scared too, but I was a ninja and it didn't seem very fitting.

"Don't worry Toshi. You won't die." He said not sounding very concerned.

"Can I sleep in here?" I blurted out, exhausted from talking and sitting up. He was silent for a moment as if he was a little stunned by my question.

"Sure." He finally said and moved over to make room for me.

I lied down carefully, making sure that I wasn't too close to him. He turned around with his back towards me and started to sleep again, as he swooped some of his cover over to me. I enjoyed the warmth for a moment before I started to feel uneasy again. This wasn't helping at all! My body started to shiver again, and I started to concentrate on my breathing. This time it felt even worse than laying in my own room. The feeling of having Kakashi beside me sickened me in this state, especially because I felt like I was being annoying. I tried not to focus on the rocking ship beneath me. The room was completely black now and I could hear how it started to rain outside. My forehead was cold and sweaty and I felt stiff and paralyzed even though I was still shivering. A loud thunder clap echoed outside and I tried as much as I could not to disturb Kakakshi with a yelp. My heart beat was faster than normal and I was sure that Kakashi was sleeping again. If I was about to die, then he wouldn't be able to save me cause he was sleeping. The thought ran through my head over and over until he started to move again. He turned to me, his scent hitting me suddenly, making me feel worse.

"I can't sleep when you're so out of it. You're shaking the whole bed with your shivering." He said, eyes closed as if he was still trying to sleep.

"Sorry." I whimpered

"Come here." He said in a sigh and took a grip of my arm and pulled me over to his side and turned on his back. He swooped his arm under my stiff body and tugged me in to his.

If I didn't feel stunned before, I sure did now! Talking about out of character…

"Don't worry so much Toshi. If anything happens to you, I'll surely wake up, okay? You're just sea-sick." He said already seeming to fall asleep, as if this was no big deal.

I didn't know what to say or do. All I could think about was how nice and secure it felt to lie so closely to him. The way I could feel his breathing and the thin layer of fabric between his stomach and my arm, it was all so new. I could feel his hand on my back like every inch of me was suddenly hyper sensitive.

"Thanks." I muttered, trying to control my heartbeat for a whole other reason.

I didn't know what was going on inside me, but I knew it was something that I had to keep to myself, just like in the woods when he had stroked my neck. He would never get to know what was happening inside me, cause I barely knew what it was myself. All I knew was that I once hated him, and now it was completely different.

His words got to me, and I started to relax as the shivers were dulling. I suited myself a bit and let out a deep satisfied breath and closed my eyes while enjoying his warmth. I listened to his silent breathing and his slow and steady heartbeat. The before scary room was now kind of cozy and secure as the rain pricked outside and the waves crashed against the side of the ship. But I was in here, with one of Konoha's best ninjas looking after me… Surely I would never experience a situation like this ever again.

**.  
**

I woke up the next morning in the exact same position I fell asleep in. The first thing that came to my mind was that I felt very hungry. Kakashi, had apparently had a very good grip on me the whole night through and I squirmed a bit, feeling unsure about the whole situation, even though I enjoyed it very much. The second thing that came to my mind was that my one foot was extremely cold, so I quickly pulled it inside the cover and accidentally woke Kakashi with the cold. He sat up in a rush and looked groggily and alert around, as if he had forgotten that I was there. The temperature in the room was so cold outside the cover and it hit me like falling into a cold pond of water!

"Someone slept well." I commented and pulled the cover to get some warmth.

"What's going on?" he asked still looking overly like he was still dreaming.

"Okay it doesn't seem like you to sleep so tight." I said and tried to pull the cover down at me again.

His eyebrows furrowed while he seemed to realize what actually was going on. He looked annoyingly cute with that morning hair and that expression.

"We must be here." He said and lied down again to get some warmth himself.

"You don't say." I said, pulling the cover all the way up to my neck.

The space between us was immediately strictly none-physical as it used to be. We shared a moment of silence. Mostly I felt I a bit awkward cause I had no idea how he felt about sleeping so closely. It was his own choice though. If he hadn't taken the initiative nothing would have happened.

**Kakashi's POV**

He couldn't remember the last time he had slept so well. He looked at the ceiling, feeling the warmth coming off of Toshi. She was right, he slept very tight and it was disturbing and wrong. He was afraid it was because of her laying so close to him… But he had tried that many times before with other girls. He was in a state of shock; this was exactly what happened when they fought that lion and she had created that strong wind. He'd had that one moment of hesitation, of weakness which in the end could kill him or her. All the time they'd spend together was starting to get to him and the bond they had was stronger than he had hoped. The feelings he had, not necessarily loving feelings, but a feeling was there, a bond a caring feeling. He wasn't even sure himself. That he'd held her the whole night was not such a big deal, she was a friend after all, but it was the fact that he'd slept so well, almost un-alert. Maybe it'd felt a little bit nicer than what he had anticipated.

"Were you sea-sick again last night?" he asked, turning to her.

"Um yeah I think so." Toshi answered, dogging her face a bit under the covers. He noticed her blush of embarrassment. It looked kind of cute on her, with her hair all messy and her eyes sleepy.

"Honestly I don't know what got over me. I was so panicked last night and coming here was the only thing I could think of to make me feel better." She admitted shyly.

"Of course. Out here we only have each other. So if anything feels wrong you can always come to me." He answered.

It _was_true, and they couldn't let their personal feelings get involved. If this would affect their teamwork and communication it would be fatal!

He took one last moment to enjoy the warmth before he got up with a sigh. As soon as the cover fell off he got goosey all over and immediately wished to be under the covers with Toshi again. He got rid of that urge quickly, it was for no good. He quickly took his on his cold shirt and vest before sitting by the edge of the bed.

**Toshi's POV**

I felt I bit disappointed when Kakashi got up. Maybe I'd been enjoying this a bit too much. Surely Kakashi seemed unaffected as he always did, as he sat at the edge of the bed.

"I'm going to summon our backpacks now so we can get some winter clothes for this cold." He said and started to perform a seal.

**.  
**

I trudged lightly to my bedroom after receiving my backpack. I felt kind of odd leaving his bedroom like that, as if we'd done something secret and private. I plumped into my bed, freezing as hell as I started to search the heavy backpack for some winter clothes. I could see my breath and blew occasionally in my hands like it was going to stop the chill. I pulled out some warm, thick underwear and started to change into that before found a large white cloak with a high neck. It was layered with lamp wool on the inside. I found a black pair of thick gloves and some heavy boots too. I was quick to change, the cold was too unbearable. The outfit was a bit more heavy and clumsy compared to my other ninja clothes but at least it would keep me warm. I used some time after that to fasten my scroll to the backpack even though it was quite inconvenient. I caught a glimpse of myself in a small broken mirror that hang on a locker and noticed how messy my hair was. I liked the cloak though, and tipped the large hoody that hang on my back, up over my ears. Almost dragging my backpack to my back I stomped awkwardly out of my cabin and decided to go outside, trying to hold my balance in the rocking ship.

The wind took a harsh grip in me as soon as I stepped outside, and my cloak fluttered wildly to my left. I found that I liked the sound of the fluttering cloak as I looked around for Kakashi who I found to the right side of the ship. He seemed to be looking at the sea, his cloak, identical to mine, flapping in the wind almost soundlessly. His backpack was standing against the railing next to him as he gazed to the horizon. I threw my backpack beside his and went to stand next to him and found myself struck with awe as soon as I saw what he was really looking at. Icebergs towered up in the horizon as the ship maneuvered around countless blocks of ice that were so gigantic that I got chills by the mere thought of being stuck between two of them. The water looked almost unnaturally blue with the ice floating around in it… I could barely believe what I was seeing. A rush of excitement ran through me. Seeing such wondrous things was truly a thing that made me glad that I'd met Kakashi.

"It's amazing." I said in marvel and caught Kakashi's eye briefly.

He looked somewhat glad by my reaction and shrugged nonchalantly.

"They are. But they seem to be recalling other feelings when you have had a battle on those ice chumps floating around everywhere. "he said, seeming to recall a battle long ago.

**.**

We stopped at a small harbor which could only be a harbor for hardcore fishermen. The mood here was gloomy and not very welcoming to outsiders. Fishermen were yelling commands out to each other here and there; some were making the ship ready for fishing and other were already unloading tons of fish from their ships. I walked closely next to Kakashi as our outfits stood out in the crowd, and there were no women to see.

"We'll have to walk to the next village where a ride will be waiting for us. It'll probably be a good seven hours walk." Kakashi said and looked into the sky and continued—"Luckily the weather seems pretty good."

"Well at least the sun will be a bit warming." I muttered. The long walk with this heavy backpacking would be good training, but probably also hard.

Apparently it was impossible to keep roads clear of snow I noticed, as Kakashi and I started to enter the rough wilderness of this snow landscape. It was harder to walk as I had to lift my knees higher, and was also wearing heavy clothing. The mountains of ice stood high around us like tall giants, simmering in silence in all their greatness. This land felt ancient.

"You look fascinated." Kakashi commented in front of me, looking over his shoulder. I was subconsciously walking in his footsteps to make my trip easier.

"I've never seen anything like this place." I said still looking around me, taking a good notice of the wind that grained so coldly on my cheeks that it felt like sandpaper.

"I bet you that you're going to be tired of them after a few hours." He said.

I shrugged, maybe I would, and maybe I would not. But I could sense that he had experienced a few things here.

**.**

After a few hours the sky started to get cloudy and the wind picked up just the slightest. I had no idea how Kakashi could find his way around here. Surely there was the slightest hint of a path all the time, but still, I was glad that he was leading the way.

As anticipated I started to get tired and restless at the same time. The landscape kept changing from mountains to simply flat lands. The scroll and the backpack were heavy as hell, and I was also starting get tired in my legs and my shoulders. I was hoping that we could take a small break soon, also because some of my fingers were starting to get cold. But the landscape seemed to never change, and I kept reminding myself that we would have to walk at least 5 more hours to be at the village were some on would give us a ride, to the actual village our mission was centered around.

"Are you keeping up?" Kakashi asked, seemingly concerned about me.

"Yup. Just a bit tired that's all." I panted, forcing my feet through the heavy snow at the same time.

"I know the snow is heavy on the feet, but we have to keep moving as long as the weather is clear. We can't afford to be caught in a storm." He said, seeming to pant a bit himself.

"I know, I'm not complaining." I said really not much up for any talking at the moment.

He responded by chuckling the slightest and that was about as much as we talked the whole trip. Six hours past by before I knew of it. I was too concentrated on how my body felt to actually notice how far we had walked. My hands were quite cold and the darkness had already started to set upon the sky. My legs ached and I was fighting with my body to keep on going. I didn't know how Kakashi was feeling but he sure didn't seem too affected like I felt. I didn't want to unload my scroll on him or ask for any breaks, cause we both just wanted to get this walking over with and it was unfair to burden him just because I was a tad weaker than he.

"Will we be able to make it before sunset?" I asked short of breath.

"Yeah don't worry; we'll be able to see the village soon." He said.

I closed my mouth with a sigh, a tiny spark of hope starting to grow in my stomach. Not long after I could see the faint light of houses in the distance and soon I could see the village we were supposed to find a ride in. The relief I felt was overwhelming and I fought the urge to squeak in happiness.

"That was about time!" I breathed and started to walk a bit faster.

"You can say that. Even I was starting to get tired." Kakashi admitted and sat up the pace along with me.

"I'm telling you my legs are killing me so much right now that I can't even feel them anymore." I told him, the excitement evident in my voice.

"We were too late to book a dog sleigh for this route but I'll make sure we get one on the way home." He said and smiled to me (by now everyone should now that when Kakashi smile, he smiles with his eyes.)

**.**

The village was quite empty at this hour, and it made it seem even colder than my first impression. The houses were made of thick wood looking warm with the lights shining out of the windows. Apparently we had to find a small inn where our escort would be meeting us. Even though I felt sweaty and warm despite being in the cold, I fought the urge to just throw my backpack off and sit down in the street and wait for Kakashi to find the inn. But I'm stubborn, so I didn't complain or say a thing until I stepped inside the warm room of the inn. We found our way to the bar where a robust man sat with a beer in his hand. His hair was dark, but his beard indicated that he was still young.

"Are you Nobuo Ryo?" Kakashi asked causing the young man to jerk in his seat.

He looked at us a bit bewildered and then seemed to recognize us.

"Yes I am! You are the Konoha ninjas, right?" he said brightly and extended his hand to shake Kakashi's.

"Yes. I'm Hatake Kakashi and this is Toshi." Kakashi said as he shook Ryo's hand. He shook mine too smiling excited. He seemed to be a nice guy and I immediately felt comfortable around him.

"Nice to meet you Toshi!" he said, seeming to look intensely at me without blinking.

He coughed slightly as me and Kakashi waited for instructions, and he seemed to be a bit baffled as he looked funny at both of us.

"I'm sorry! You must both be tired of the trip—" he took a pull at the glass finishing the beer and continued—"come with me, I'll show you to the dogs." He jumped off the bar stool and threw a few coins to the inn keeper and marched past us.

Being inside in warm surroundings, finally able to relax I realized how tired I was. I hadn't felt it before because my body had been in work-mode but now the tiredness came crashing over me. We went outside once again, and walked around the inn where we were met by barking huskies (a dog race). All I wanted at the moment was to get that freaking bag of my back and sit down. Ryo whistled at the dogs that were still attached to the sleigh and they all seemed to get excited.

"There isn't much space; I have to take some supplies back home. You're probably going to be a bit cramped." He said and moved some things around to make space for our backpacks.

"The ride is much appreciated." Kakashi said and threw his backpack off his back.

I didn't wait one second to throw my backpack into the snow and the relief was almost breath taking.

"God that feels good!" I breathed, stretching my back in pleasure.

Ryo took mine and struggled a bit to pull it onto the sleigh, while Kakashi lifted his own as the polite person he could be at times.

"You can just sit here with your legs up." Ryo said and padded the part of the sleigh Kakashi and I was supposed to sit at.

It was the back part of the sleigh, so one of us would have the luxury of leaning against the backrest, which of course Kakashi beat me to. He was quick to sit down, throw his legs up and sigh comfortably while I stood there, looking at the space I had. Ryo sighed irritated, like I was retarded and rolled his eyes at me. I knew very well that Kakashi knew himself that he had taken the good seat.

"You sit like this!" Ryo maneuvered me over to the sleigh, pushed Kakashi's legs apart with a hasty movement at plumped me down right between Kakashi's legs and then placed Kakashi's legs closer to me once again.

"I'm sorry but someone's going to fall off if you don't sit close." He said and moved to the back of the sleigh.

"Fine." I muttered, feeling that some of my personal space had just been invaded.

Of course, at the same time that tingling feeling started to grow in my stomach. I was once again being close to Kakashi in a way that wasn't very team appropriate. Well, maybe it was just me who was being paranoid. When thinking about it, it could've been anyone who was assigned to this mission, and they would have to sit with him the exact same way. No, it wasn't that bad, I told myself.

"Forward!" Ryo yelled as a command to the dogs.

The dogs barked eagerly and the sudden pull in the sleigh tilted me backwards against Kakashi's chest. I tried to suit myself better but found it impossible to sit upright right in front of him. I sighed heavily having no will or strength back to fight Kakashi and me's rules of space.

"I hope you don't mind." I said and gave in, disconcerned about Kakashi's feelings about it.

"You just relax." He said, seeming to relax more comfortably.

Quickly we were out of the town and the darkness spread around us like a blanket. The only thing that lit up was the small lamb Ryo had hanging on the side of the sleigh. The silence was overwhelming as we swooshed through the snow into the emptiness. I felt comfortable sitting against Kakashi, feeling his chest rise and fall. I lifted my hands and started to blow hot air into the gloves to warm my fingers now when I had the time to do it, and also before I possibly would fall asleep.

"Are your hands cold?" Kakashi asked me.

The closeness of his voice took me a bit by surprise before I responded:

"Yeah a bit. But they've been cold for a while."

He folded his arms around me, leaning his head over my shoulder se he could see what he was doing, and started to take off his gloves.

"Take my gloves on. I can warm yours up meanwhile." He said.

His head on my shoulder moved every bit of attention I had in me to him. I didn't know what I was feeling when his face was so close to mine, but it sparked the memories of the forest, in the trees when he had rubbed my neck and had the same closeness as now.

"Here." He said holding out his gloves for me. I snapped backed to reality and removed my own quickly and awkwardly handing them to him, is he handed his to me.

Sure enough his gloves were still very warm, and it sent chill down my arms. He leaned back again as he had taken on my gloves, and sighed satisfied.

"You seem tired." He noted as I leaned back against him. He was probably referring to tiny fraction of time when I spaced out just before.

"You too." I said, noting that he was starting to show his true condition.

He chuckled, my head moving in the rhythm of his chuckles.

"Thought I hid it pretty well." He said

"You did until now." I said, lowering my head into the neck of the cloak.

He chuckled again and remained silent.

After a while I started to fight the sleepiness. I was way too comfortable sitting up against Kakashi and also my hands were warm again. A few times I caught my head tilting as I was drifting into sleep but I forced myself to stay awake and slightly alert to my surroundings. I looked at the clear sky where the starts stood bright; brighter than home in Konoha. I wondered what kind of problems we would face in the village and how the people were. One thing I knew for sure was that I liked where I was now and hoped that the trip would last a while longer.

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**That's it for today. I'll try to work on the next chapter as soon as possible.**  
**I really appreciate the favs and reviews I've been getting, they help me keep up the good spirit.**


	14. Air for life Chapter 14

omg! Finally i got this chapter finished! It was so hard to write, even though it was a chapter that had to be in the story.  
I'm really sorry for keeping everyone waiting for so long, but here the next chapter is, and I hope you enjoy it! :)

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Even though I was very comfortable up against Kakashi's chest, I never seemed to fall in deep sleep. I was in that weird state of sleeping where you never really feel like you've slept, every time you open your eyes. I guess it was some kind of alert sleeping. My back was warm thanks to Kakashi and I easily felt the contrast of warm and cold on my front and back.

I hadn't expected much of a welcome at the village, but apparently the society was so small that newcomers was exciting news. A minor caravan of children, parents, workers and so on, followed the sleigh as soon as we'd entered the streets of the village. It wasn't much of a village though. Very primitive was the small huts, made of leathery material or of snow. We stopped somewhere in the middle of the village as a small crowd had gathered around us. I didn't want to leave the warm comfort of Kakashi but I knew I had to.

"Gathering a crowd like this isn't very ninja like." I muttered as I brushed of some snow of my coat as soon as I was up on my feet again.

"Strangers here are very uncommon." Kakashi whispered to me before he went around to gather his backpack.

I didn't like all the attention and watched sourly as a kid picked his nose while staring at me. A lot of the women was staring at Kakashi and his weird hair color. I knew he'd been here before which probably was why some of the people looked quite content. I gathered my backpack while Ryo said his hello's to the people in the crowd he knew best. I turned around, standing closely behind Kakash as the silence of the crowd slowly killed us.

"Her hair color is weird." I child said, pointing at me while pouting innocently. His mom, I presumed, shushed on him.

I rolled my eyes irritated, snorting lowly and met Kakashi's gaze when I looked over his shoulder. I could see by the glimpse in his eyes that he wanted to laugh at that comment and my reaction to it. My attention was diverted by a rather large man who was making his way through the crowd. His voice was naturally loud and deep and his beard was long and black.

"Kakashi!" He said out loud.

When he appeared in front of all of the people he stood with his arms spread wide apart, and with the biggest smile plastered across his face. I had to admit that, compared to this guy, Kakashi looked like a small thin man. This guy was both tall, muscular and had a good round belly. His whole presence was just big and warm.

"Greetings Mamoru-sama." Kakashi said, bowing politely.

I took it that this was the head of the village as Kakashi referred to him as 'sama'. The big man laughed warmly and took to long steps towards Kakashi, engulfing him in a bone crushing hug while almost lifting Kakashi from the ground. I almost spat when I tried to suffocate a laugh. Mamoru laughed in deep guffaws before he put down the startled Kakashi who almost looked like a ghost. I guess if Santa really existed, this guy would be a good candidate as he was also wearing a funny hat which did nothing for his ears.

"And who do we have here?"

I took a nervous step back just by the loud sound of his voice and tried to force a smile. I really hoped he wouldn't give me the same hug as Kakashi had gotten.

"I'm Toshi." I said, bowing my head like Kakashi had done, just in case.

He strode pass Kakashi and was in front of me in one step.

"Nice to meet you Toshi."

He took my hand forcefully and shook it violently, my whole body shaking with it. This guy was truly something special. But his attention was quickly diverted to Kakashi again, as he started to talk and laugh with him. It took a few seconds for me to recover upon the handshaking, and also I was afraid that he might've crushed the bones in my hand. As some of the lights were off me now, I put on my heavy backpack with the scroll on it, and then waited for Mamuro to finish talking. I noticed two girls who looked freakishly similar, standing by the hole in the crowd Mamuro had made when he walked through the crowd. They wore thick fur coats and had beautiful braids in their long hair.

My eyes then moved to a man standing beside the girls and I met his eyes as soon as I looked at him. He'd been staring at me, and I looked away immediately. There was something oddly familiar about him, like I'd seem him somewhere before. He was old, maybe about 40, but very fit for his age. He had long platin blonde hair almost with a sickly purple edge to it. His eyes were big, and his eyebrows furrowed naturally down like he was always being frustrated. My eyes flickered to him again; he was still staring at me.

"Do you remember my two girls?"

I looked to Mamuro, and then at the two girls he was looking at. He had his big arm around Kakashi's shoulder in a friendly manner. The two girls smiled timidly at Kakashi, their eyes seeming to admire him. God, why were girls always so horribly obvious in front of Kakashi, it just boosted his self esteem towards girls... Like he hadn't enough esteem on that subject.

"Yes, they've grown a lot." I heard Kakashi say.

One of the girls stepped forward, smiling warmly at Kakashi with her hands folded in fronts of her.

"Kakashi, will you and your colleague join us for dinner?" She asked, her blue eyes almost glistening in the dark.

Great, I was the colleague, the person of no significance whatsoever. Well except to the creepy guy who kept staring at me.

"Yes! We'll all eat together! You and Toshi must be hungry." Mamuro said happily before Kakashi could even answer.

**.**

On our way towards Mamuro's hut I started to remember creepy guys's face. I think he was a bounty hunter, who'd tried to take me down several times. I didn't know what he was thinking, but surely I was glad that I was under the protection of Konoha. I'd caught him smirking at me and had fought the urge to yell at him. I couldn't remember his name either, but he was a downright creepy person.

Besides that; Mamuro's hut was rather large, and had different branches of small passages leading to smaller huts, like a house with actual rooms. Someone took our backpacks and put them in our apparent rooms, before we entered the main hut. It was big and round, looked kind of cozy and had a fireplace in the middle. Pelts laid spread around the floor to sit on and food had already been prepared for us. I walked around the fireplace following Kakashi and mimicking his customs as I had no idea what to do. There were Mamuro's two daughters, Mamuro's wife, Mamuro himself and creepy guy.

Mamuro requested us to eat and thereafter the conversations went on casually. I stayed silent as Kakashi was leading most of the conversations. The food mostly consisted of fish and few vegetables. I was just wishing that creepy guy wouldn't course any drama and start to stir up my past in front of these loving people. Well, Mamuro was very proud of his girls beauty and I couldn't help but get the feeling that he was trying hard to make Kakashi interested in one of them.

"Oh, by the way, this is Isao. He'll be your guide into the lands. His not from this village though." Mamuro said, starting his third bowl of fish.

Right, so creepy guy's name was Isao and we were going to be stuck with him. Just great.

"It's nice to meet you. But of course, Toshi already knew who I was." He commented subtly as he took a sip from his soup.

I closed my eyes in mortification. Now he had started it, and I would eventually have to explain why we knew each other. I opened my eyes again, seeing that everyone was looking at us curiously. Even Kakashi seemed a bit startled that I knew someone. I tried to keep myself composed and looked cooly at Isao.

"Yes I did." I answered simply and took a sip of water.

Isao smirked, continuing on his soup before he spoke again.

"Kakashi, you must tell me how you managed to tame the white lioness into such a silent behaved creature." He said and I knew that the sentence was supposed to provoke me, and it did.

It provoked me beyond comparison and I wanted to kick him through the wall. But I managed to just scowl at him while Kakashi looked simply confused. There was no one who couldn't catch the condescending tone Isao had. It was embarrassing.

"Kakashi didn't need to tame me. I choose to follow him." I said, sounding carefully neutral, while fighting back my temperament. Isao looked at me, laying his astonishment on too thick.

"Oh, so it's just a coincidence that the son of Konoha's white fang and the white lioness teamed up?" He asked, seeming sickly innocent.

My temperament flared inside and I took in a deep breath to keep calm.

"Toshi?" Kakashi looked at me, alert and worried. I could see that he was trying to understand the situation. The trust that showed in his eyes calmed me down.

"Yes it was." I answered simply.

The merry mood that once were in the hut had completely disappeared and everyone was tense.

"So how do you know each other?" Mamuro's wife asked silently.

"It's all in the past." I answered quickly.

"We'll actually it's a quite funny story. You see, if there still isn't, there once were a bounty for Toshi's head, and I, of course, went for that bounty. She really used to bully the town she lived in and nobody liked her. It was no wonder there was a bounty for her head." Isao said, a satisfied smirk crossing his lips.

I'd been looking at my bowl the whole time, trying not to squeeze it into pieces. He was ruining everything I was trying build up!

"Since she's still here. Her skills must be admirable." Mamuro snapped at Isao's poisoning tongue.

He stopped smirking and bowed his head when he felt the disapproval of Mamuro.

"Toshi may have a violent past, but she has found a new way of life in Konoha and she's doing really good. Konoha couldn't have sent a better kunoichi for this mission."

Hearing Kakashi say such things about me took me by surprise. I looked at him flabbergasted, knowing that such praise from a high ranked ninja meant a lot to a man like Mamuro. Even Isao looked startled and almost embarrassed. Mamuro laughed deeply, taking a hand to his belly while he did.

"Then lets celebrate for Toshi's new way of life." He said, holding up a glass of beer.

I couldn't help but smile. This went a lot better than I had expected. I was really beginning to like this Mamuro. He was so open hearted. Wether it was because Kakashi was on my side or that he just didn't take any bullshit - I didn't know. The mood lightened up quickly almost as if Mamuro had demanded it.

There was definitely no mistaking that the two girls - Miki and Mika - were interested in Kakashi. I didn't know what had happened on his previous mission to this village, but something (besides his reputation) had made an impression on all of them. I was almost positively sure that the girls were twins. The only thing I could tell them apart by, was that Miki had a more round face, where as Mika had a more square face with a pronounced feminine jawline. They weren't in any way annoying like Mai, the girl we had escorted once was. They were both very feminine in the way they spoke, sat, ate and moved. _Everything_ about them was just feminine. It made me feel... Well, like a colleague, like a feminine null. It didn't help much either when Mamuro wanted to show Kakashi how good they were at singing and playing music. Miki played on the flute while Mika was singing. I had to admit that they were both very talented, and Mika was breathtaking when she sang in a foreign way. It wasn't words, but just tunes going up and down in waves. It sounded very exotic and mesmerizing.

I looked at my hands while the girls played. They weren't the soft hands of a woman. It was the hands of a warrior. I was a girl whose femininity was fought and beaten down until it was hardened to more useful masculinity. I wondered if a guy would ever find it attractive about me. I hadn't much feminine things to offer a man. Not my manners, not my clothing, not my cooking skills - hell, I was even a bad singer... I wondered if Kakashi found the girls attractive. If they were what he wanted in a girlfriend.

The girls stopped playing and our small crowd clapped in compliment. Mika flashed Kakashi a tempting smile, flashing her straight line of white teeth. I felt a pit of emptiness in my stomach - it wasn't even jealousy. I knew I stood no chance against a beauty like her... Why'd even think and feel this way? I'd never considered the possibility of being Kakashi's girlfriend and yet I already felt like I'd lost the battle. Why'd I even compare myself to her? I'd never had any issues with girly girls before and now I was tearing myself down just because of her obvious interest in Kakashi. What was _wrong_ with me?! I wanted to straddle myself, that was how confused I felt. I looked at Kakashi out of the corner of my eye as realization slowly started to sink in; was I in love with him?

I looked away quickly, shock starting to sink in after the realization. While I was trying my best to keep a straight face, my mind began to overheat. It couldn't be! It just couldn't! I was incapable of falling in love! I looked at him briefly, my heart starting to pick up its pace. Was this why I liked being close to him? Why I liked to be in his presence all the time? Hell, I even liked when he touched me!

God! I suddenly felt like filthy pervert. Being in love - it was so disgusting to say it to myself. But I guess I couldn't help what I felt...

"You're spacing out Toshi." Kakashi elbowed me in the side and I snapped immediately into consciousness again, scooting a bit away from him.

"Sorry... I guess I'm exhausted." I lied.

I guess there was no one else but myself to judge whether or not I was in love. It was only my own interpretation that, in the end, could define if I was or not.

"Well then! It's late. Girls will you show our guests to their rooms?" Mamuro said, clapping his thighs enthusiastically.

"Of course father." They both said obediently, while rising up elegantly.

I prayed that Isao wouldn't follow us into the same room, and luckily he didn't. We had to crawl through some narrow paths that lead from the main hut, before we came our hut. It was small, with a low ceiling. Kakashi had to dug a bit to fit the ceiling, but otherwise it looked cosy. A fireplace had already been lit up in the middle, and around lay pelts and ancient decorations was hanging from the ceiling. I kind of liked the rustic furnishing, especially the pelts, it was like getting back to the human roots. Luckily the twins left us silently while we got settled. I unpacked my sleeping bag quickly, before I got too cozy and would be to lazy to unpack it.

"Actually I thought we would need this tonight."

I turned around to Kakashi to see him hold a small device. He was studying it lazily before he looked at me.

"What is it?" I asked.

"It's a small heater. It absorbs a small amount of your chakra and generates into hot air."

He smiled at me and packed it away once again. I sat down, taking some of the warm clothes off. The lighting was dull as it was only the fireplace which lit up the small hut. It was kind of relaxing and satisfying. It felt safe from the cold outside. There was one small round window in my side and looking through it sent chills to my bones.

"So what is the deal with this Isao?" Kakashi snapped me out of my thoughts.

He'd moved to sit at three o'clock from me, and leaned back in the pelts and pillows with his hands behind his neck.

"We'll, I didn't recognize him at first but I found out that he was a bounty hunter who once tried to take me down. He doesn't seem very pleasant if you ask me." I admitted.

Kakashi chuckled while looking at the ceiling.

"No. It's probably difficult for him to suddenly treat you as an equal." He said.

I lied down in Kakashi's direction and looked into the orange flames.

"I guess." I hesitated a bit before I spoke again-" it's hard to be reminded of your past so suddenly. It sure isn't easy to start a new reputation." I admitted and looked at the fur before me, stroking the long hairs with my hand.

"You'll just to keep trying. Eventually people will forget." He said, his voice starting to sound tired.

Silence lingered between us for a while. We were both enjoying the safe environment, the warmth and the comfort of the crackling fireplace. My eyes were starting to get heavy once again, but I couldn't fall asleep. The realization I'd had at the dinner kept circling around in my head. It didn't change what I felt, but I'd simply put a label on the feeling. I didn't like that label in particular.

"Excuse me. We have brought some tea."

We both looked up to see the twins standing in the doorway, with a tray of cups and tea. I guess there was no way around them. They had set their eyes on Kakashi. He sat up to be polite and I followed his gesture. They sat down by the fire and started a pleasant conversation with Kakashi as they pored us tea. I thanked them no. Even though they were polite enough to talk and smile to me I felt misplaced. Their chattering was annoying even though I could probably learn something in interacting with people I didn't know, just like they did with Kakakshi. Somehow both or the girls had managed to take a seat beside Kakashi, cutting me off in a way. When the chattering was to much, I decided to go outside to get some fresh air before my temper started to show and I would snap at the girls. There was no point in fighting for him, I was nothing like those girls, and it was way below my standards to fight for a man like they did. I pulled on my coat, and excused myself receiving a slightly puzzled look from Kakashi. I shrugged his look off and crawled outside. I'd forgotten how cold it was outside, and the wind had picked up as well. Pulling my coat closer I walked forward through the thick snow to clear my head. The wind was biting in my cheeks as I walked around the small huts, lost on thought. If I really was in love with him, would I ever be able to have my feelings returned? I knew him and his habits, and getting so close to him as being his girl friend, let alone to get him to admit his feelings (if he had any) was impossible in my head. I'd shoved my feelings aside for so long, that it was overwhelming to feel even the slightest jealous. I had never allowed these feeling, but it was like they'd started to get out of control ever since my new lifestyle.

"My my, taking a stroll are we?"

I snapped my head around in the dark snowy street, but saw no one. I recognized the voice though. It was Isao's voice. I turned around myself suspiciously, looking for the source. He stepped into the light of the huts with one step, and smirked at me, his icy eyes staring at me.

"What do you want?" I snapped at him, crouching slightly in defense.

He took a second to take in my alert form, his expression changing briefly to insecure and then back to confident.

"I just want to apologize about earlier." He walked forward in an apologetic gesture but stopped when I flinched involuntary away.

"Obviously, you've turned into a fine young woman." His eyes flickered down my body and he corrected his eyes almost immediately.

I stopped crouching and straightened my back defiantly. I didn't like that look he gave me; it was almost hungry.

"Just leave me alone Isao. The less we speak the happier I am." I snapped darkly, making sure that I looked as cold as possible.

I turned around to leave him, but felt his fast footsteps towards me. I whirled around to face him; he was a lot closer than expected.

"Just give me a chance." He said, his breath coming down at me.

An unpleasant chill ran through me and everything in my body told me to back away. I was starting to get nervous about the situation, he was quite pushy.

"If you think I'll ever trust a man who has tried to hunt me down, you must be delusional! What is wrong with you?! Just because I have a new social status doesn't mean that I'm a-" I changed my voice to a sarcastic girly tune-" pretty little girl whose only dream is to find someone who will love her." I scowled at him before spitting out my last words.

"You're disgusting!"

With that I turned around, proud of myself that I hadn't taken this to a violent level who my old self would've done. But apparently this wasn't over. He placed a hand on my shoulder and turned me around, while grabbing my throat with his other hand. His expression was absolutely horrifying, and the angry and rejected emotions that seeped out of him made my neck hairs stand in pure aggression. What he did was so provocative that I used all my strength to keep myself from crushing his intestines with my foot. I grabbed his wrist with my hands, staring right back at his ice cold eyes with such anger that I wondered why he was still bold enough to hold on to me.

"Don't you walk away from me you bitch!"

A wave of his desire washed over me. I didn't have enough focus to shut down telepathy that read other peoples emotions, and felt almost sick by the feeling of his desire towards me. His mind was working in high gears at the moment, probably debating with himself if there was any turning back.

"Let go of me!" I hissed through gritted teeth, struggling against his grip.

His eyebrows furrowed down hard over his eyes, when he attacked me with a cold, dry kiss. I was so repulsed by him that I almost felt like puking and fought against the kiss immediately. It was like my mouth was being raped, and I kicked him in the crotch to make him let go. He let go, crouching over in pain and cursing at me. I stood stunned for a moment the cold wind touching my wet lips. I dried them off with me sleeves ferociously and started to walk off shamefully. I didn't get the nerves of this man, but he approached me once again, and this time i didn't hold back. My elbow flew backwards, and I felt the familiar crushing of his nose. He stumbled backwards and landed in snow, holding his bleeding nose in shock. With one last glance at him, I hoped he got the message. I ran back to our hut, feeling the most violated. I couldn't believe that such a creep stole my first kiss. It was such a horrible kiss, that I seriously hoped that it didn't feel like that with other men. I whipped my lips again, while my burning temper wanted to go on a rampage. I scooped up some snow with my hand and washed my lips in the cold ice, also taking a good bite of it to wash the inside of my mouth.

I decided to skip Kakashi and the twins, by entering the main hut instead. No one was inside it so I sat down in front of the fireplace to warm my hands, while brooding. At least now I knew what a kiss wasn't supposed to feel like. I took off my coat, trying to cool down my temper, but I wanted so badly to punch something. I couldn't believe that such a creep had stolen my first kiss. Not that I'd ever given a first kiss much thought, but now that it was stolen I felt violated beyond comparison. Even worse, somewhere in my mind I was telling myself that Kakashi was supposed to be my first kiss! I snorted sarcastically, disgusted with myself that I was beginning to think such things.

"Is something wrong my friend?"

I looked up to see Mamuro, rising his tall figure after having crawled through a tube-way. He walked over to the fireplace and sat down beside me in a friendly manner. I raised my eyebrows obliviously and looked into the fire;

"No, I just need to be alone sometimes." I said, while avoiding his gaze.

He chuckled deeply and took a stick to ruffle the fire.

"Do you not enjoy my daughters company?" He asked.

I was a little taken back by the question. I guess I didn't, but that wasn't what I was running from at the moment. I raised my shoulder confused while trying to come up with an answer. It was to humiliating to tell him about Isao.

"You know, I have three sons too, if you prefer male company." He continued, a teasing smile playing on his barely visible lips.

"No. No it's not your daughters. I'm just having a bad day I guess." I admitted. There was to many things going on in my head to explain.

I was in love with Kakashi (apparently). I didn't know what to do about it. Two girls was chasing him with no regret. I just broke someone's nose and had my first kiss stolen. Yup, everything seemed complicated at the moment.

"I know that Isao can be rough and if I was to judge people who work for me, Isao wouldn't be here. But I believe in the good in people, and that people can change. I was quite a troublemaker when I was young too." He said, seeming to be lost in an old memory.

I snickered at what he said. This man was so pleasant that I couldn't ever imagine him being a troublemaker.

"I can barely imagine that." I said, trying to force away the smile that played on my lips.

"It's true!" He said in a high pitched voice, well high for his standards. "But the more mistakes we make, the more we grow an learn. If we don't know all sides to life, how can we choose which one is best?"

I looked at him reluctantly. I guess he was right about that, but I was in to bad a mood to acknowledge it with other than my eyes. I could tell this man had a lot of experience in life. He smiled at me, and kept silent. We sat there for a while, and I wondered why he came out here. Maybe he came here to be alone too. His calming presence left me tired and empty after the wave of emotions had calmed.

"Thanks for the company. It calmed me." I said.

"You're most welcome." He replied as a got up and left.

The twins was still with Kakakshi when I entered our hut. They were laughing girlishly and had somehow moved even closer to him. I took a second to calm the irritation that rose in me again, and walked inside, falling down on my sleeping bag with a sigh.

"There you are, I was starting to get worried." Kakashi said, pushing the sisters aside for a moment.

"Please. I know you can feel my chakra from the distances I went." I snapped, hiding my head tired in my sleeping bag.

I didn't mean to snap at him, but I was tired and annoyed. Not a good combination.

"Girls, it's late. I think we'll be going to sleep now." Kakashi said.

I felt how the mood immediately was turned down a notch, and the sisters left quietly and understand. After a few moments of silence I sat up and took off my shirt and trousers (I was wearing warm, long underpants under my trousers!) while avoiding Kakashi's questioning gaze. My hair fell down on my shoulders and I could feel how stiff and dirty it was. Maybe I could be as lucky as to have a bath tomorrow.

**Kakashi's POV**

He watched while Toshi took off her clothes in the dim firelight. Even though he wanted to ask her what was wrong, he couldn't help but jut watch her move from across the fireplace. There was something elegant and mesmerizing about her. The way the orange light hit her skin, and the shadows that played across every muscle in her arms and shoulders. Something in him was afraid that she was being jealous of the twin girls. They did seem to have their attention quite locked on him. Jealousy was not a nice thing, even not if you were in love. Some people connected jealousy and love together but he knew better. Jealousy simply and only has something to do with one self and ones self esteem. If Toshi would be jealous of them it would not be because they were talking with him, but because she saw something in them that she didn't have and felt threatened. Of course Toshi didn't necessarily think as he did, but at least he would now himself.

"Are you okay?" He asked, uncertainly and afraid to pick up a clue of jealousy.

She sighed and crawled into her sleeping bag, meeting his eyes for the first time. There was something vulnerable about the look she gave him, and a slight panic rose in him. He could tell that she was considering telling him something personal. The boundaries he'd hoped for would slip away once again, but this time he was for some reason panicking about it. How could they keep a professional relationship if she was going to admit that she was being jealous?!

"Isao happened." She said it in a voice that sounded like she was confessing something humiliating. Kakashi's panic attack stopped dead and he frowned in confusion.

"He kissed me... And it was disgusting." She said, her eyes flickering embarrassed away.

Kakakshi was slightly thrown off. He'd been sitting there, having a minor panic attack for telling himself that she was being jealous, when she in fact wasn't.

"He kissed you? How's that even possible?" Kakashi forced his voice on control as he looked at her like she was kidding.

"Well... I did break his nose." She said, a grin playing on her lips.

Kakashi laughed sheepishly. Of course no man would go unharmed for such an action.

**Toshi's POV**

Kakashi looked absolutely confused. I hadn't expected that reaction from him, but then again I'd never told him a thing like this before.

"It's not funny." I muttered, boldly getting up and moving my sleeping bag to his side of the fire- "A nasty creep just stole my first kiss!"

"I didn't know something like that would mean anything to you." Kakashi said, his eyes glistening teasingly at me.

I threw my sleeping bag beside him and crawled into it. At the moment I didn't mind what he thought about it, I just didn't want to sleep so far away from him. Still, it was like we were both now very aware of our closeness after having been quite close the past few days. I laid down, with a pouty frown, not really knowing what to answer. It hadn't meant anything to me before I met him, I guess. Also, I think that every girl is quite aware of getting your first kiss taken away. It's like your innocence is just a tad more broken. I felt his eyes on me when I didn't answer, and he seemed to realize the seriousness of my broken pride.

"Don't take it too heavily. It's you who decide when your first kiss should be. If he just attacked you, it doesn't quite count as a kiss. It should be with someone you like, that counts." He said, starting to prepare for the night as well.

I guess he was right about that. The only problem was that the person I liked was him. The possibility of the two of us kissing was so far away that the thought hadn't ever crossed my mind. We could barely share a hug yet. I turned away from the fire with a disheartening sigh. It was so ridiculous to be in love with him. I refused to be another girl in line of his heart. The only thing I had with him was friendship.

"Maybe... Goodnight Kakashi." I answered.

He was silent for a moment. I could feel his eyes on my back. I wondered what he was thinking. It was probably only the surface of his thoughts I scratched when he spoke to me. He was so calculating, so intelligent, that I knew that I only heard a fourth of what was actually going on in his mind.

The mood was weird. A peaceful silence lingered between us. We were alone in this village. We had only each other in the middle of this snow land, under the vast, starry sky of this primitive hut. The feelings that dwelt in me made me enjoy this peacefulness even though we were both slightly confused at each other.

"Goodnight." He said at last, and I could hear him crawl into his sleeping bag.

I looked at the shadows dancing around on the wall. We were so far away from home.

**Kakashi's POV**

He put his hands under his head and looked into the ceiling while listening to the crackling fire beside him. The thought of a man kissing Toshi had thrown him off a little bit. He felt strange about it; slightly angry in fact. He couldn't think of any man ever capable of understanding and knowing her enough to deserve her as a girlfriend, and definitely not in the way that he knew her. He moved his hands restlessly away from under his head and looked to Toshi when she turned around, already asleep. His eyes marveled at her for a moment when he took in her peaceful expression. Every worry was gone from her features. Her lips pursed slightly in her sleep and her chest rose slowly. Her blonde hair fell all around her head and without thinking about it, his hand moved to remove a wild strand that fell over her nose. She stirred a bit as he realized what he was doing, and watched her scoot closer to the warmth of his body. He jolted as if he'd touched something that burned, his heart rate picking involuntary up.

He froze for a moment when she didn't budge any further and fought an internal battle with his heart rate and his blushing cheeks.

He hadn't had a reaction like that towards a woman since he could remember. He was always in control. No, he shouldn't be feeling this way. She was definitely starting to come to close to him, and he had no idea why. His eyes flickered away from her and he clutched the hand he'd removed her hair with, tightly. An urge to pull her close into him surfaced from a place which normally was shut, but the feeling kept pushing back at him.

He turned away from her with a grunt, utterly embarrassed of himself. He forced himself to do some mediation techniques to fall asleep, and it worked eventually.

.

**Toshi's POV**

I was for once the first one to wake up the next morning. I tugged into my sleeping bag when the realization of how cold the hut had become during the night and the fire had died out. I looked to Kakashi to see him curled up in his sleeping bag, small puffs of air leaving his mouth every time he breathed out. Sighing at the sight of him, I sat up and rubbed my eyes listening to the silence outside. There was no doubt that the weather was bad, judging by the lack of noises. I looked to Kakashi one more time while I considered what to do. He deserved to sleep as long as he could. Having to put up with me for so many days must've been exhausting for him. Counting to five, I rushed up from my warm sleeping bag, immediately feeling the cold air hit my skin. I rushed through some clean clothes, not caring that I was messing up my backpack, and slipped into it like I was putting on wet clothes. The feeling of cold clothes was simply disgusting.

I met Mamuro, and two other guys in the main hut for breakfast. Despite the thought of my messy morning hair and sleepy eyes, the two young guys seemed to take an immediate interest in me. I hadn't been introduced yet, and as I ate some bread, one of them in particular shot me some curious glances. They were both true to the people that lived here, having brown eyes and brown hair. One of them was older than the other, and it was the older who seemed extra curious.

"Toshi, I don't think you've been introduced to my sons, Hayate-" he pointed to the oldest one-" and Aichi." The younger one smiled sheepishly.

"Nice to meet you Toshi." He said.

Aichi, was silent, though his interest had been obvious. I swallowed my suspicion and smiled to both of them.

"So where are you from?" Aichi asked, the innocence in his eyes showing his young age.

"Of course she's from Konoha you dumb-ass." Hayate gave him a smack across the neck and an immediate argument started between the two of them.

I'd stopped chewing on my bread as a looked at them dumb-founded. Mamuro was chuckling in an embarrassed way. I couldn't quite understand their behavior, but then again I really didn't have any clue about brother and sister relationships.

"She's a top trained ninja! Don't ask stupid questions." Hayate ended the discussion with a glare at his younger brother.

I could tell the admiration Hayate held for me, but he was being way to serious about me. I didn't feel any better then them.

"At least he said something, instead of just staring at me." I said teasingly while looking at Hayate who seemed to flush red in a slight embarrassment, but recovered quickly by apologizing in a gentleman fashion. Being treated with such respect made me feel silly, even though I held a straight face. Aichi chuckled at his brother, and the chuckle was completely ignored.

Hayate ended up asking me much about training and keeping in shape. He had a lot to share on how to hunt and fish, which he seemed eager to share, even though he was very composed and manly in spite of his approximate age.

"Well I think I'll go and check out the village." I said and got up.

"I'll show you around." Hayate exclaimed and got up without expecting an answer.

His height overwhelmed me. He was tall and broad over the shoulders like his father, except for the fact that he was in very good shape. He hadn't looked that high when he was sitting down, and I had to admit that he was quite handsome.

"You really don't have to do that." I said, feeling slightly embarrassed. Really I didn't know what to do with myself when he was being such a gentleman.

I quickly found out that there was much more to the village than just snow. Hayate took me to the healers, the stores and to different homes. He was being genuinely friendly, and it took a few hours for me to warm up to him. I had a bad habit of distrusting strangers, and apparently it was something I should get rid off, cause Hayate was being very respectful. Watching the twin girls the day before had learned me a good deal about smiling and appearing happy and I was shocked at how it affected Hayate in a way that made me feel welcome in his presence.

I didn't meet Kakashi before lunch time when the whole family was gathered in the main hut for meat and bread. Hayate was a great distraction from Kakashi and the apparent feelings I had for him, and on top of that, it was a nice feeling that I didn't have to walk around with him and the twins all day. I noticed his dumb-founded look when he followed a conversation between me and Hayate at lunch and it was nice for once, to feel independent. It was especially because it helped me to not feel so vulnerable and dependent on him. Even though we sat beside each other, we couldn't share much words as the twins were constantly demanding his attention while Hayate was a bit more relaxed with being silent beside me. I couldn't help but feeling that Kakashi was starting to get the slightest annoyed by their constant talking, and I think I was the only one who could read it in his face and behavior.

Even though Hayate was undeniably finding me interesting, I still couldn't deny the attraction I felt towards Kakashi on my other side.

"What've you been up to today?" Kakashi finally asked me, after an all to casual silence between us.

"Well-" I muttered with a mouth full of meat and swallowed before I continued-" Hayate have been showing me around the village all morning. There's actually quite many funny things I would like to buy home with me. Oh - they have a healing house as well, only for women though. It's an interesting village." I agreed with myself and sent him a quick smile.

He looked relaxed, his eyes fixated strongly on me as I spoke. I could barely stand to look at them for so long. It was like he was trying to read me like and open book.

"I'm glad you're making friends." He finished, his eyes showing a smile.

I would've blushed at the comment if it wasn't because I felt disappointed by his reaction. I'd maybe hoped to see a little bit insecurity in him, but as always he was indifferent.

"And what about Isao? Has he tried to kiss you again?" He asked, this time revealing the teasing in his voice.

I turned to him in shock, and immediately looked around the hut to see if anyone had heard him, including Isao who sat on the opposite side of the fire. I blush crept onto my face, as I sent him a silent glare.

"Shh! Don't speak so loudly! It's not funny!" I whispered, being forced to lean closed for him to hear. He kept looking at me in that teasing way though. We glared daggers for a minute before I forfeited and looked at my food again.

"We haven't run into each other yet!" I muttered darkly.

"Well, if you need any hel-" Kakashi was cut off by Hayate who hadn't noticed our secret conversation.

"Toshi! When we're finished eating I want to show you where the women carve totems in soapstone. Maybe they'll make one for you." He said enthusiastically.

"Sure. I would like that." I agreed with a smile and turned to Kakashi who looked a bit dumb-founded.

"Maybe you would like to have one too?" I asked Kakashi, who blinked at me before he answered.

"No thank you. I already have one." He said.

I should've guessed that he had one. This wasn't the first time he was in this village.

"Oh... Okay then." I shrugged, feeling slightly disappointed that he didn't want to come.

Hayate had me dragged to the totem hut where I was met by four elderly women, who seemed excited about seeing someone new. They had me basically questioned about different things, and felt around my hands, looked at my eyes, looked at my hair (much to Hayate's amusement). One of the women went outside to look at the position of the sun, and really there was a lot of fuss around the small hut.

"So could anyone tell me what a totem is?" I asked when the women was gathered around different maps.

"Hayate have you not told the girl?" One of the women commented. He shrugged shyly and smiled sheepishly.

Another women who seemed to be the head of the four stepped into character with a sigh.

" Animal totems play huge roles in our lives. They aid in self-discovery and capture our imagination, giving us incredible avenues of self-expression and awareness." she stopped and looked distantly ahead-"Why animals? Because animals are pure of consciousness. No ego, no ulterior motives. As pure creatures, they speak to us from a unified perspective. Their language is whole and untainted. As such, animals speak in a language that is inclusive. For example, birds speak the same tongue as the sky, the trees and leaves. Tigers purr in the same rich, luscious tones as the jungle hums. Fish babble to us the same as the brooks in which they swim." She placed an old map in front of me with a diagram on it.

"Each person can have nine animal essences or totems that walk through life with them, teaching and guiding them and in some cases, protecting them. These nine totems usually remain the same throughout your lifetime; however, major life alterations can cause some or all of your totems to change." She said and started explaining the map

"These totems are around your spirit: East, South, West, North, Above, Below and Within. The last two animals are walking beside you at all times; your Right Side (male) and your Left Side (feminine). While sometimes the living animal is around you, most often they are only the essence of the animal. At different times in your life, you may also have Special Helpers or Special Protectors. These stay with you for a limited period of time, depending on the challenges that you must face. They usually appear in person, in dreams or during meditation." She explained.

I was really trying to comprehend it all, and I wasn't even sure if I believed in it. I couldn't imaging I would be surprised if my strongest totem was a cat or a lion... I was definitely not expecting a surprise. Hayate and I went outside while the women elaborated.

"I'm looking forward to see what totem you have." He said, looking thoughtfully ahead. I couldn't help but notice the faint blush that colored his cheeks.

"Does it really mean that much?" I asked and crossed my arms, looking in the direction he was.

"Yes, it says much..." He answered simply.

"So... What's your totem?" I itched to hear what kind of animal he and his life resembled.

He looked at me, his eyes glistening hopefully at me and then changed as he got serious.

"Toshi. You must understand that there are three different types of animals souls: high protector animal souls, familiars, and all other animal souls." He looked away once again while he thought.

"There are only three high protectors: Dragon, Phoenix and Unicorn/Pegasus whose souls are interchangeable. These souls only incarnate when there is a living animal like them; if not, they stay in spirit form and usually the totems to people with older souls." His eyes flickered towards the hut.

"The familiars are animal souls that are connected through an energy link to only one person, usually someone who has psychic or magical abilities. There is nothing evil about them and they are not demons in way, shape or form. They are simply animal souls who have formed a bond with one person." He said.

I shock ran through me as a thought of Eien, and I caught my breath realizing that this situation was much more revealing than I'd thought.

"Familiars are hive souls - seven souls in total - with one or two souls incarnating while the rest stay in spirit form. They are usually of the cat and dog genus incl. tigers, wolves, etc. The familiars take turns incarnating, although one soul might have closer ties to their person and incarnate more often than the others. Familiars only incarnate to their soul person - when not incarnated, they stay in spirit form." He said.

I was automatically starting to draw lines between Eien and Gin-iro, the lion hybrid Kakashi and I had met in the forest. There was no doubt what my totem was, but I couldn't get myself to tell him.

"All other animals including dogs, cats and birds who are not familiars, are lower animal souls. They can move between species but stay on this planet, while high protectors and familiars stay with your soul in its various incarnations on different planets. Thereby said; the totem that is strongest with me, is a familiar, and the animal that reveal itself to the elders is probably a familiar too." He said and paused.

"About my totem; it's a bear." He said in all his seriousness.

I snickered instinctively and held a hand to my mouth, receiving scowl from him.

"A bear?" I asked like he was kidding. He went a few steps towards me in an attempt to explain.

"A bear is an honorable totem to posses! It's a symbol I call for when I need a steady hand, like when I go hunting! The Bear is also gifted with an enormous heart, and a penchant for generosity. Further, the Bear has a capacity for patience and temperance, which makes him an excellent teacher and mentor. The bear is a good balance for an owl..." He blushed again and stepped away, releasing the eye contact.

"However, one might not know that the Bear tends to be very modest, and a bit shy." I commented with a teasing smile. He opened his mouth to say something bit just blushed once again.

I kind if got the feeling that he was hoping that my strongest totem was an owl. For the first time in my life I didn't mind that someone had a small crush on me, I found it kind of amusing.

"Please come inside!" One of the women called, and for some reason my heart started pounding.

We both walked inside and a looked around the women to read their faces.

"Hold out your hand child." The eldest said and walked towards me.

I did as she said and the she put something small and smooth in my hands.

"This is currently your strongest totem." She said and stepped away so I could look at it.

Kind of expecting a cat, I felt like a jolt electricity had shot through me as I stared at a small figure of wolf.

"This must be a mistake." I muttered.

"No child, we never make mistakes." One answered.

I just stared at it in disbelief. I was so far away from a dog person that anyone cold ever be, so this being the must influential totem felt so wrong. To me the wolf represented ferocity, terror and being alone.

"You must understand child, that this totem is not representing you or your personality. At the moment the wolf is to strong for us to see your birth totem. But the wolf is guiding you much in these days and you should listen to it." Another women started speaking;

" The Wolf is a creature with a high sense of loyalty and strength. The Wolf is actually a social creature, friendly, and gregarious with its counterparts." The third woman started speaking.

"Totem wolf symbols belong to those who truly understand the depth of passion that belong to this noble creature. The Wolf is a representative of deep faith, and profound understanding. Further, the Wolf possess a high intellect."

By the mentioning of high intellect my thoughts immediately went to Kakashi, and I started wondering what his totem could be.

"The wolf is deeply emotional, and wholly Wolf understands that all we need is love, and is fully capable of providing it. He has a fierce independence and need his freedom. In a nurturing environment the Wolf is intensely passionate, generous, deeply affectionate, and gentle. Left to his own devices the Wolf can become impractical, recalcitrant, indifferent, and vindictive... As this is the totem strongly affecting you at the moment I recommend you think about the questions he asks you."

I was engrossed in the tale, thinking of how much Kakashi- the dog person- had influenced my life.

"What questions?" I asked confused and rolled the small figure in my hands.

The old lady shrugged and thought for a moment before she could answer.

"For example; are you a true friend? Are you being loyal to yourself? Are spending enough time with your family and friends?"

I looked down, considering the words. I could only guess that all those questions was someone Kakashi could ask me, or make me think about, if he hadn't already. Even though I felt skeptical about animal totems, I was also still intrigued and now itched to hear what Kakashi's totem was.

"Well... Thank you for this. I'll keep it safe." I said, not really knowing how to thank them properly.

Hayate didn't seem very excited either, and we walked around the village once again, he seemed to be lost in thought. I couldn't admit to him that I wanted to talk to Kakashi, but was instead on constant watch for him. After a visit by the sleigh dogs I had a moment where Hayate was still inside a hut. I ran into Isao, who seemed to have been waiting for some alone time with me, and he begged for forgiveness and he hoped it wouldn't affect our mission. As much as I wanted to kick him in the crotch once again, his sincerity made me shallow my pride and forgive him, in hopes that this would ease our mission. He offered to show me around the village but I managed somehow to turn him down nicely, just as Hayate came out of the hut.

It wasn't until dinner time, when the sky was turning dark, that I met Kakashi. The tiredness crept onto me as I'd swallowed two portions of food, and the warmth and cozy feel of the gathering didn't help much either. We had a meeting scheduled afterwards so I enjoyed the moment to fullest as I observed the others in conversation.

I could definitely imagine myself settling down with a family like this, though I think I would grow bored with the lack of opportunities the village could offer. I felt a twitch of envy towards Hayate and his siblings who had grown in this environment, and started to consider if I could be happy with Hayate. I felt I had a fair chance with him and wondered if he could ever spark the same feelings in me that Kakashi did. Hayate was open, easy to read, warm and joyful, not to mention very handsome. Even though my life as a Konoha ninja was just starting, I also felt the longing for finding some place to settle down and be accepted like I did here. It was the first time I'd ever felt the comfort of what a family resembled and I could easily get used to it.

"Toshi?"

I jerked at Kakashi's voice, immediately getting overrun by a feeling of betrayal towards him. When I looked at him, the thoughts I'd just had, felt like a far away dream.

"Yeah?" I asked, blinking a couple of times as I met his eyes. He chuckled at my expression.

"Did you find your totem?" He asked, his eyes glistening in the firelight.

"Yes." For a second a considered lying to him "it was a wolf." I admitted.

His eyes showed amusement for a moment as we shared the silence between us.

"That I didn't expect." He said.

"Me neither." I muttered and rubbed my face, trying to fight off the feelings that swelled up in me.

"What's yours?" I asked. The conversation was slow with a minimum of words used.

He started to rummage around his vest which lay behind him and pulled out a small figure. He handed it to me, and I looked at it in the light of the fireplace. I looked at small wolf figure, much similar to mine, except the stone was darker. I took mine out and placed it beside Kakashi's, feeling the smooth contour with my fingers. A feeling of disbelief and excitement rushed through me.

"That is so strange." I whispered.

"Strange if you believe in it." He said as a matter of fact.

He reached out for my hands and took my figure, weighing and studying it in his hand. For a moment I almost lost myself in his thoughtful expression while everyone around us talked. I could tell he was thinking a lot of things, but couldn't tell exactly what he was thinking about. Without moving, his eyes met mine in an instant.

"What are you thinking?" I managed to say, feeling like my mouth was suddenly dry.

He was silent for a minute, his eyes holding mine in an almost painful lock. Emotions ran through his eyes and was gone as quick as they came. He looked away, his expression taking on the slightly serious and bored feature again.

"I was just admiring the carving." He said and smiled half heartedly at me.

All the people and their voices in the room came back to me as I felt his rejection to share his actual thoughts with me. I straightened my back as we exchanged totems, and ended the conversation with a nod. I didn't really know what to say or how to act, although I wanted to shake him violently and tell him to spit it out. I'd become quite good at telling when he was lying.

Besides our weird moment, the dinner went nicely with warm laughs and cozy music from the twins.

It was not before I'd gotten really sleepy that Mamuro called us to a meeting and we had to leave the main hut. I could tell that Hayate wanted to come too, but sat in his place nicely, knowing that this wasn't his business. Kakashi, Isao and I followed Mamuro through a series of tubes before we entered something a cold only describe as the office hut. In the middle was a small table with maps and antique things, and around the walls hang pelts, ancient weapons and talismans. Books were stacked along the walls and on a small stack of pillows the old lady from the totem hut sat with a book.

"Guests, this is my mother." Mamuro said and went to sit on the floor behind his desk.

We all bowed to her respectfully, and went to sit around Mamuro's desk. I noticed a small collection of animal totems standing on his desk. A dolphin caught my eyes as the first and then a dragon. It was no wonder to me that Mamuro had a dragon totem, I mean, it represented strength, courage, and fortitude.

I directed my attention to Kakashi who sat closely beside me, and I was starting to get excited to hear what the mission was about.

"Well, let's just get started!" Mamuro clapped his hands and rolled out a map.

His mother chuckled hoarsely, her wrinkled face moving into a mischievous smile. Her nose was gnarled a big, and one could barely see her eyes for wrinkles.

"Where the edge of land ends and the fringe of vast oceans begins is a threshold of mammoth proportions. There some of the men has found a mysterious pond, humming with energy and ancient voices. To garner in-depth understanding of this pond, we needed someone to help us understand it's meaning and power." The old lady looked serious, almost painful as she told us this.

A chill ran through me and made the hair on arms stand up. I had no idea what kind this mission was about, but apparently it was a research mission.

"Obviously mother thinks that this pond has a spiritual significance to the environment and the animals here." Mamuro said folding his arms over his chest.

I felt skeptical about it, although Mamuro seemed to believe fully in his mother.

"Whales surround the pond which is locked in ice under the ocean. We've got to pay homage to their environment, the oceans of our planet. The whale is symbolic of the beginning, the creation of all life on earth as we know it and cosmic understanding. There for you must remember to understand and to be respectful when you journey to the pond." The old lady took out her book and started reading once again.

Mamuro cleared his throat and started showing us the route on the map. I was still slightly confused about what this mission was actually about, but was hoping I could get a better explanation from Kakashi.

Unfortunately, when the meeting was over and Kakashi and I withdrew to our hut, he couldn't clarify anything for me.

"I think I'm just as lost as you." He said while getting into his sleeping bag.

"Basically we just have to go an take a sample of that pond and that's it." I said scratching my back comfortably.

"Yeah, so far." He answered and lay down on his back, folding his arms under his head.

I was already in my sleeping bag, wondering and thinking out loud what this phenomenon could be. I turned to face him, propping my head up on my hand to have a better look at him. He looked at me from the corner is his eyes, a relaxed yet alert expression evident.

"It's just a bit far to come to make a little research, isn't it?" I asked, fighting the urge to move close to him.

"Maybe this intel will have an importance to Konoha and also the homage will know how trust worthy you are, by putting you on a mission this long lasting." Kakashi's eyes showed the slightest of teasing.

I pouted offended, and lay my head down on my arm, brushing some of my hair away as I thought. I looked at the contrast in the muscles of Kakashi's folded arms, which the firelight created, and admired him subtly while he looked at the ceiling. He was laying in a t-shirt, his spiky hair forced in a different direction than what it naturally did. It looked kind of cute I noted and met his eyes.

I fought off an instinctive way to look away immediately and held his gaze with a brave poker face. Even though his face was turned upwards it was still tilted slightly to my side. Immediately I wondered why he was looking at me with such a serious face, and finally stopped the eye contact when it got too intense. This seemed to snap him out of whatever thoughts he had, and he inhaled sharply and looked away again.

I looked at him suspiciously, wondering for a second if it was the real Kakashi who lay beside me.

"I've done good so far, haven't I?" I asked him.

"I'm not obligated to give such information." He answered, his old teasing expression coming back. I cocked an eyebrow at him;

"Sure." I answered sarcastically- " I don't care anyway." I said with a pout.

He chuckled lightly, closing his eyes tired.

"Goodnight Toshi." He said.

I yawned sleepily, pulling my sleeping bag more up to my shoulders.

"Goodnight." I sighed, giving in to black curtains.


	15. Air for life Chapter 15

Wow, I'm so sorry it took me so long to post this next chapter, but I've simply been to busy to write and edit! This is a long one so I hope you enjoy it :)

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Hayate was visibly disappointed the next morning when we sat out for the mission. Isao was annoying the crap out of me, his humble facade from yesterday completely gone. He was back at being a smug bounty hunter, and I could only guess it was his way of surviving. Starting to realize the feelings I had for Kakashi, I was even more reluctant to sit with him on the dog sleigh. I simply refused to acknowledge that I was growing so comfortable with physical contact. When I looked back at my life with him, I'd changed drastically in these past days, or at least I'd overcome some barriers. I almost always cringed at the thought that I let him touch my neck in the forest. I felt a great deal of shame about the way I'd changed, but also liked it at the same time. I guess you could say I was very confused and it was a realization I'd woken up with this morning. I felt afraid that he was going to take distance from me at some point, and I would look like the idiot. Knowing Kakashi, if he had any kind of feelings for me, he would never admit them or act upon them. He was used to the attention girls gave him, and it would take a great deal of a girl to be that special to him. Even though I already knew a great deal about him, we'd both missed out on major parts of each others life. I didn't know if he was still waiting for his childhood crush, or if he just hadn't met anyone he thought was special enough.

I sighed, pulling my cloak closer to my neck, as I leaned against Kakashi. The wind was howling in our ears and the dogs running in front of us was barking loudly. Although Kakashi hadn't minded me leaning against him, I still felt like I was crossing a line on his and my own behalf. It was nothing compared to our closeness on the ship, but the situation had been different.

We made it to an outpost in the middle of nowhere and from there we had to walk by foot. Kakashi and I had repacked our backpacks to be less heavy and more sufficient, only one of us carrying a tent and a chakra heater. Isao said that it would take about half a day to get there which meant that we had to acquire a few hours sleep to keep the energy level up.

The snow was heavy as we started through the never ending landscape, an our slow walk was mostly kept in silence. Isao shared a few stories of his past, not missing any opportunities to ask Kakashi for advice about anything ninja-related.

When the oceans started to bare, I felt the brisk wind that came from the shores. But we didn't get to see much of the icy water from the distance, when large icebergs started to block our vision. The white snow giants towered over us in a watchful silence like living things, rumbling deeply beneath the ocean. The hike was exhausting, as we three made our way through the thick land of ice and cliffs, helping each other on difficult paths.

At last, a towering cave hole came into our view, looking like a long mouth screaming in pain. It's shape and sheer size made me feel small and insignificant. We walked inside in silence, everyone marveling at the size of the cave. Even Kakashi's eyes were wide as he admired the ancient cave of ice. There was an unspoken rule of not speaking at the moment as we all walked, feeling our own insignificance.

Isao, stopped to turn on an oil lamp as we ventured deeper into the cave. I felt Eien stir in me in a way I haven't felt in a long time, and looked down at my feet to a deep blue, almost black color on the floor. A chill washed through me when I realized we were walking on bare ice. An adrenalin kick ran through me like I was standing on glass up in sky and looking down.

"Guys, do you now that we can look directly into the ocean from here?" I asked dryly.

Isao frowned and held out the lamp to look better at the floor, and both he and Kakashi seemed to have the same reaction as I. I took in a deep breath and let it out to calm myself.

"This place is strange." Kakashi commented before we started to move forward again.

"Yup. Eien's getting rilled up." I said, coursing Kakashi to look at me concerned.

"I get the chills." Isao said.

We continued for a little while before a feeling made the hackles in my neck rise. A deep rumbling of something moving beneath us made all my senses go sharp. I breathed out sharply, and looked slowly down. In the moment, right then I was struck with awe as a large shadow, bigger than anything I'd ever seen, moved underneath us slowly, filling the broad path we were walking. I gasped, turning around myself to try and get a picture of its size.

"I think there's a whale beneath us." Kakashi said, having noticed the same thing as me.

We stopped once again to marvel at the shadow beneath us, and then continued on.

"There must be some kind of hidden underwater passage beneath us." I said, starting to tread carefully.

No one answered and we carried on all three awestruck and humble to the ancient place we were in. We reached a wall that would have to be climbed, and used our chakra to cling to the icy wall as we climbed it.

A whisper of wind tore through the tunnels and the feel of it was unnatural. Bracing myself for whatever that came, I also fought with the agitated small bursts of chakra Eien sent around me. It was hard to keep focus when I had to use my mental strength to calm her down as she was impossible to talk to. Before the end of a tunnel, we started to see a strange light. It was as if light was reflected off of the surface of water, creating a beautiful wavy pattern in the icy ceiling.

_The old lady did talk about a pond in the ice_ I thought, my brain starting to work out theories of why there was a certain amount of water which wasn't frozen. There had to be a hole in the cave in order for the light to shine in.

We came in sight of what seemed like a large chamber, a big hole in the middle illuminating the entire place. I stopped by Kakashi's side to marvel at the phenomenon, Eien going rigid inside of me.

"Are you okay? You look like you're... Struggling." Kakashi said from beside me, seeming to have been watching _me_ instead of the marvelous cave.

"Yeah, it's just Eien who's tense." I said, as Isao started to go through his backpack.

"Why?" Kakashi asked simply.

I could tell from the way he was slightly frowning and tilting his head downwards while looking at me, that he was on edge and alert. I sighed, trying to hold a good pokerface.

"I don't know. Don't worry about it, lets just concentrate on the mission." I said, closing the conversation by turning away from him.

**Kakashi's P.O.V**

He watched as Toshi turned away from him, something brewing in the depths of her eyes. Despite the cold, a sweat had broken out on her forehead and her gaze was distant and troubling. She was slouching a bit, her normally lean and womanly posture gone the slightest. She was struggling more than she showed, he could tell that, but decided to drop it, hoping he would find out later.

"We should decide our tasks to be more efficient." He said -"Isao you should take a sample from the water, as soon as we now that it isn't harmful. Toshi-" he stopped considering if he should give her an easy task.

"You should use your psychic abilities or instincts to get a feel of the place. I'll help Isao to figure out how stable the water is. I sense it isn't anything we should touch." He said.

Isao nodded in agreement and they continued to unpack the needed gadgets and scrolls to do this. Setting his mind on the task ahead, Kakashi held Toshi as a second focus in the back of his mind and casually cast a look over his shoulder at her and looked back again, before he realized what he'd looked away from.

Standing with her back to him, she stood close to the pond, slow moving shadows creating black spots in the illuminated ice underneath them. Something was swimming in circles around the pond and Toshi looked almost ancient and alien in the blue light that was cast on her.

"Did you pick up something yet?" He asked her, starting to grow suspicious.

"No. Only some kind of strange pressure." She said, her voice hoarse and forced.

Kakakshi got up and turned fully to her starting to grow really concerned. She was still an unpredictable factor to bring on a mission, although she'd grown a lot, and had it been anyone else he would've been annoyed to have been teamed up with someone so unpredictable.

"Maybe you should step away." Isao said, seeming to have realized the same thing too.

Kakashi nodded, and stepped forward when she gave them no reaction, but kept still in her place by the pond. He was about to say something else, when she started to crouch over like she had bad ache in the stomach. He could hear her hiss forcefully before she took herself to the head, slouching more and more.

"Toshi?!" He called and started walking towards her, his steps growing faster by each step.

A hysteric, horrific scream echoed through the cave and Kakashi barely grabbed Toshi as she fell to her back in spasms, screaming at the top of her lungs, pressing air out like her vocal cord couldn't process enough air through the throat.

Kakakshi had no idea what to do, than to hold her so she wouldn't hurt herself, an adrenalin kick having risen in him at the helpless feeling he suddenly had. Although he was trained to solve problems under difficult circumstances he often felt clueless about Toshi and her power. Her scream continued until every bit if air was emptied from her lungs, and she hung limply in his arms by the floor.

Wide eyed he stared at her limp form, sensing her chakra signature change. Assessing the situation in his mind futilely, Isao came rushing up to them, crouching down beside Kakashi to check Toshi's vital signs. Kakakshi fought a natural instinct to turn her away from Isao, but stayed in place, not needing to check her vital signs to sense if she was still alive.

"She's unconscious." Kakashi said.

Something deep in his gut stirred. An alert feeling that made the hairs in his arm stand. But it was a mixture if something else. A mixture of adrenalin and fear - fear of losing her so suddenly to something so unexplainable. His eyes snapped to her hand as it twitched, and soon a throaty cough followed from her dangling head.

"What happened?" Isao asked, still peeping at her in question.

Kakashi wanted to snap at him for asking such stupid, unnecessary questions; how should he know? He couldn't think properly with someone constantly intruding his thought pattern by being oblivious to seriousness of the situation. Refraining from giving the bounty hunter a scold, Kakashi diverted his attention to the slowly awakening Toshi, her body slowly setting in gear. Her legs gave another twitch as if she was testing out her overstrung muscles. When she opened her eyes, he was too busy with coming up with an explanation for her behavior to pay good enough attention to her actual state.

Blinking a couple of times into the face of Isao, Kakashi had expected her to lash out at the bounty hunter for being so close, but no such thing happened. She sat up slowly in front of him taking a hand to her head as she stared into the icy path under them. Kakashi couldn't shake off the sense that something was deeply wrong and let his hand linger on her back to feel he was in control of the wild girl.

"Toshi. What happened?" He asked softly, surprising himself with the concern in his voice.

A light of memory seemed flicker in her eyes as the silent girl sat and rubbed her head. She lifted a slender hand up in front of her and looked at it, turning her palm as if looking at something foreign.

"Did something happen to your hand?" Isao asked, and Kakashi put up a hand up to silence the man, his eyes still deeply focused on her.

"Toshi?" Kakashi asked a bit louder, hoping to get an answer out.

She cleared her throat as if testing it, and looked away at the illuminated pond in front of them. Kakashi bit his lip nervously, hating the current gut feeling he had and how he had to ignore it.

"I... I don't know what happened." She said, her voice soft and thoughtful.

Kakashi was silent and let his hand slip willingly away from the person that made him ignore his basic instincts.

"But I feel okay." She said, putting her hands in the ice to lift herself up.

Kakashi wasn't convinced though and he'd spend too much time perfecting psychological knowledge to know that something was not right. She lifted herself up slowly, rising upwards in a almost to smooth motion like a puppet being controlled by strings.

"We'll, uh... I'll go get the last things then." Isao said.

Ignoring him, Kakashi stood up slowly, feeling his muscles work, just in case. _Toes, check. Thighs, check. Fingers, check._ Toshi's dark figure in the bright contrast to the light, stood and stared down at in the pond once again.

"You must've felt something before you passed out." He was hesitant when speaking, his words searching for any evidence that she was back to normal.

He squinted his eyes when a deep feminine chuckle erupted from her, the feminine broad shoulders bouncing delicately on each side of her. One step after the other, she started around the pond, her cat-like elegance exaggerated and flirtatious in ways he thought couldn't get more feline alike. Had he not been in this situation he swore to himself that every man on the street would've turned around an extra time at her mere walk.

"Someone's in a good mood." Isao said, having returned to Kakashi's side and was staring bluntly at the woma- girl walking to the other side of the pond.

Kakashi's eyebrow stirred slightly at Isao's obliviousness, but cursed himself for not finding the guts to address her strangeness in her presence. He found himself thinking that she gave him the feeling of being in a room with a silent ticking bomb. Isao started to scramble around with the things, finding glasses and other stuff to line it up.

"Right." Isao got up and started towards the edge of the pond and Kakashi followed silently, his eyes never leaving the lingering figure of Toshi who now stood on the opposite side of the pond, basked in blue light and staring down at it with a strange expression.

"It's quite far down. I'll have to climb to get a sample." Isao said.

Toshi's eyes snapped to Isao, and the startling ice blue color which penetrated him sent a rush of fear through Kakashi as realization dawned upon him.

"Don't touch it!" She snarled at him, crouching slightly in feline aggression.

Isao who still didn't get a thing of what was happening frowned dumbly and looked at the woman quizzically.

"This chakra is unstable and ancient. It shouldn't be disturbed." A confident more controlled version of Toshi's voice spoke.

"Eien no Honou. What have you done with Toshi?" Kakashi asked, making sure to keep his voice carefully neutral to not provoke the proud creature.

Squinting his eyes suspiciously something in him didn't dare to move an inch. He'd never seen Eien come through Toshi this way. Normally there was the transformation, and Toshi hadn't told him about this kind of situation before, and he immediately wondered if she had kept that fact a secret on purpose. Another side of him got worried, instantly wondering if Toshi was capable of ever coming back from the depths of her own mind. Another womanly condescending laughter echoed through the cave before the ice blue eyes shot to his, a wild fierceness gleaming at him.

Don't look away. A drop of sweat trickled down his chin and was absorbed by his mask. He was unsure of how to act around the temperamental lioness.

"Kakashi Hatake." She tilted her head and smiled tempting at him, her eyes not matching the warm smile-"finally I can meet you properly."

Said man relaxed his posture purposely and let out a deep silent breath.

_I don't know if taking over Toshi's body should be called properly_, he thought but searched to form the right sentence.

"Well then. Nice to meet you lioness." He said.

"Um, what's going on?" Isao asked.

Eien's eyes snapped to Isao, everything about Toshi's body screaming of predator. Even Kakashi wanted to flinch away from that gaze.

"Are you that thing inside of Toshi?" Isao asked pointing a finger questioningly across the pond to where she stood.

If the situation hadn't been as serious as it was, Kakashi would've smacked himself in the forehead with his palm. How could someone be so damned clueless about someone he'd kissed?!

"You. You're that man who kissed Toshi." She hissed and if she'd had lion ears they would've been laying flat against her head.

Isao began to stutter, slowly moving towards Kakashi. The threat in which Eien posed seemed to have sunk into the thick skull of his.

"Eien, if I may. Do you know anything about this place?" Kakashi asked, deciding to put all other questions aside and make her focus on something else but them.

Her eyes snapped back to his, and he felt himself frown, catching a lump in his throat at the nervous feeling which returned. Her features softened at the sight of him, and she stood more straight again and held her chin high.

"No but I can feel it. Just as I can feel how nervous you are." The corner of her mouth twitched in a smile. "Not as clearly as him though. You're very good at concealing your emotions."

He wasn't sure if that was a compliment, but took it as such anyhow. His eyes lingered on hers before he looked to Isao without answering the lioness.

"Isao. You should start." He said in a calm voice.

He had expected the lioness to course great disturbance and was prepared to fight for his life. His insides were like a knob of high alert and adrenalin, but he forced his facade relaxed to show the lioness trust, hoping with all his heart it was enough to conceal his actual feelings.

Kakashi moved to the edge of the pond to look down at twirling light that reflected back at him brightly, forcing him to squint his eyes. Every second he felt Eien's gaze on him, burning a hole all the way into his core, setting his nerves on a higher and higher alert.  
It made his hackles rise when she started walking, not going unnoticed that her path was set for him. He cursed himself for being so on edge. There had been no signs of threat from her, yet still he felt like he was being stalked by a predator, out to get him when he least expected it.

"Why are you here? Do you wish to kill us?" The words spilled out of him as he couldn't take the tension that lingered anymore, and he looked at her from the corner of his eyes.

Once again she laughed, this time softly, and smiled down at him with so much womanly sexuality that he would've blushed if he hadn't known who was behind the smile.

"Hatake Kakashi, you disappoint me. I would never do you any harm. You are responsible for Toshi's happiness aren't you?"

He turned to her more fully, not sure of her words were true, but quickly decided to play along, hoping it could buy Toshi some time to return to her body.

"You're saying Toshi is happy now?" He asked, finding the words strange on his tongue.

"Happier than before." She cocked an eyebrow and folded her arms over her chest.

The knot that had formed in his stomach lightened at the words of the lioness, and he was suddenly immensely grateful to the hokage for letting Toshi under his care. To have not only Toshi, but the Lioness within her on his side was a flattering thought.

"I didn't realize." He muttered looking back into the pond to feel the flow of chakra below him.

The lioness snorted beside him and walked closer, the odd mixed chakra signature once again tightening the knot in his stomach.

"Please Kakashi. You know very well that you two have formed a bond. Don't play stupid!" Eien's tone was scolding and he desperately wished for the conversation to take another turn.

"Maybe we should focus on the task ahead while you're still here. Talking about Toshi and I aren't going to solve any problems." He snapped making sure to make his voice carefully neutral before he rose to face her penetrating gaze.

She scowled at him dissatisfied and tilted her head in an animalistic way. She showed every emotion in her body language and eyes unlike Toshi who was normally more cold and hard to read. It was evident to him that he suddenly missed Toshi and her more easy going nature. Eien was to much of an untamed woman for him to handle and was even more unpredictable than Toshi.

"My my. No time for bullshit with you." She purred taking two steps closer to him.

She was close, that was for sure. He could almost feel her breath hitting him in warm puffs. But he didn't back down and held his ground, every nerve in him ready for anything unpredictable. She smirked as her eyes lingered from his feet and all the way up again to his eyes, holding a confidence he'd never seen Toshi show before, as he stared down at her. Ice blue and yet filled with a fierce flame she stared, not blinking, not wavering in anyway, forcing all insecurities to rise in him.

"Show me your red eye and I will assist you with my knowledge, copy ninja." She purred, tilting her chin upwards confidently.

He knew what it meant though, remembering the times he'd accidentally let Toshi see the sharingan. But he wasn't oblivious. It had been Eien's doing the times it had happened.

"No. We will figure this this out with or without you, Lioness." He said, feeling a frown starting to form in his restraint from taking a step back.

She hissed and stepped away from him, her eyes darting to the pond. For a moment she was silent and Kakashi almost held his breath as he didn't dare to look away from the creature. She squinted her eyes searchingly, blue light bathing her in a stunning color.

He almost jumped when she turned to him again, having opened her mouth to say something but stopped as her gaze rested on something, or rather some one behind Kakashi.

"What're you doing?!" She asked.

Kakashi turned around to see Isao who was fully equipped to climb down the pond to collect a sample.

"Just-" Isao hacked a pleg into the ice-" going to collect a sample."

Eien walked straight to Isao, pushing Kakashi to the side in the process and looked angrily down at the man who now hang over the edge of the pond.

"You can't touch it! It's too unstable!" She hissed at him, and held the robe so he couldn't climb down.

"Shut up, I think it can handle a light touch." Isao snapped back and slapped Eien's hand away.

"Why you insolent little-"

All Kakashi was noticing was the small trickle of ice which trailed down the edge of the pond, and then fell mid air, and plopped into the water, silencing the bickering two.

A deep tremble shook the ground under them and the shadows which moved underneath disappeared like frightened mice. Kakashi's mind was working fully instantly, taking in every detail of what was happening. Nothing is breaking. The tremble doesn't grow stronger. Nearest exit. He darted around to the entrance from where they came, seeing it was still free. Only small fragments of ice fell from the roof until the tremble slowly silenced. Eien had moved away from the edge her eyes wide and full of fear.

"Eien is right. We'll have to study this another way." Kakashi said, feeling like the new silence was maybe a tad too silent.

"You ignorant idiot!" Eien roared at Isao, who looked all the more pale than before.

"It was your foot!" Isao spat back, and in that instant his peck snapped up from the loosened ice and the two standing looked in horror, not quick enough to react as Isao fell.

"No!" they shouted simultaneously and Eien pitched forward and grabbed the robe.

Kakashi closed his eyes in horror at the splashing sound of something hitting the water. Eien lay dangerously still, panting in adrenalin with the robe clutched in her hands, as no one dared to look away.

"Fuck."

It was Isao, who spoke just as the deep tremble started to erupt again. Kakashi darted to Eien, and took a grip in the heavy stretched robe. He looked over the edge to see Isao's legs soaked in the bright water, and Isao who dangled in his equipment.

"Someone get me up." He whimpered.

Eien was up in a second pushing Kakashi ferociously to the side before hurling Isao up in the line with such force that he landed several feet away form the pond on his back.

The tremble had deepened within the cave, and ice and rocks started to fall from the ceiling and the ground beneath them shook violently.

"We have to get out of here!" Kakashi called to the others.

Every instinct in him was taking over and a fresh rush of adrenalin had filled his body with new energy. He rushed to Isao and picked him up on his feet, not taking a moment to see if Eien was following up.

"Come on!" He called again, dodging a boulder which flew from the ceiling.

The deep tremble was ear deafening, but he barely noticed, the only thing on his mind to escape the cave before it collapsed on them. Forcing chakra to his feet he sped forward, using his sharingan to calculate a path in between the falling boulders and collapsing walls. For the briefest of moments he cast a look over his shoulder, and was met by blue walls smashing against each other. Alas, there was no Toshi in sight. He stopped in his tracks, and looked around the crumbling cave, his sharingan picking her up near the pool, flat on the ground and face down.

A new blast of fear hit him along with a strange hollow feeling in his chest. Ever since Obito he had promised himself to never abandon a comrade again although this time the odds of surviving were slim. Abandoning Isao, he ran back for her without a second thought, running up and around boulders which kept filling the track.

"Toshi!" He called desperately, instinctively picking up at pattern on how she always seemed to faint every time Eien had taken over her mind.

He lashed into the air, jumping on falling boulders, his speed and strength making time seem to slow, as he leaped through the strange maze. He crashed down by her side, crouching and swung her arm around his shoulder without question, and leapt forward once again.

"Toshi wake up!" He growled as he ran along a wall that had yet to collapse.

Her eyes started to open yet her head was still dangling, and in that instant something coursed through Kakashi that made him stop. Like a bomb of sound, something blasted all boulder sideways, and they were both slung forward into a wall of ice, as every sound was completely gone. Leaving Toshi by the wall, Kakashi knew he had one last resort to keep them both from harm, and moved through the haze of ice and rock to stand in front of Toshi and clapped his hand to his other arm and conjured chakra into his palm.

Lightning chakra sputtered to life from his palm, and his chidori came to life. He held out his arm in harsh strength trying to obliterate every stone and boulder blasted in their direction.

He felt the physical drain immediately from holding his chidori for so long, and barely discovered when Toshi stood by his side, her eyes wide in fear and stubbornness.

The light from the pond in the distance grew bigger, and suddenly every sound came crashing down on them again.

"Let me get in front!" She shouted, not before performing a series of seals which he recognized immediately.

He moved his chidori to the side to let her in front of him, and a surge of wind blasted up around them, until forming an air current around them. He held onto her shoulder as his chidori still flared. An odd sensation trickled through his fingers, and he looked down to see his chidori starting to mix with the chakra bound air around them. The lighting flared and protested as it started envelope them in a field of burning thunder, until a blue screen surrounded them like an energy field. Toshi was crouching, holding out her hands still to deflect anything that came in their way.

For a few seconds the moment was serene. A mighty boulder smoldered into atoms. Her feet started to slide backwards. A growl escaped her mouth. He couldn't grasp the concept of the jutsu they just had created in unison.

"Keep that lighting thing going." She shouted.

He was reminded of how strong the blonde girl actually was, and was again hit by a wave of gratefulness for her to be his ally. It wasn't often he felt that way as he was rarely outmatched.

But he snapped back to reality when the wall behind them gave in like it was sighing, and boulders started to tremble upon eachother. But something in front of them posed a bigger threat. An ear deafening explosion shook the ground beneath the two, fighting for their lifes and the distant light grew to blind them.

**Toshi's P.O.V**

The pain was immense. But then it was followed by the light feel of weightlessness. Cold air hit my skin. I was twirling around with nothing to stop me. It was nice... To feel weightless. But at some point I would land. I had to stop twirling. I had to focus. White was all around me. What was up and what was down? Sometimes I could see some grey. It had to be the ground. It was closer now. I stopped my twirling, or at least, I tried to.

_Thunk_

I landed, on my feet barely, and collapsed at the force. I didn't have enough strength to stop, and summersaulted backwards and skidded across the ice like a rock on water. I would rather be weightless, the pain of landing was sharp and continued before I slid to a stop. Pain shot through my shoulder and I cringed and growled as I rolled to my side clutching it. Something had popped, and I was pretty sure my shoulder was dislocated now.

Defeat overcame me, as a brisk wind of snow blasted around me. I had no time to think about what had happened. _Get up_ I screamed at myself every nerve in my body screaming and protesting against the will of my mind. My coat was gone, having been blasted off of me at some point. It felt cold, the snow underneath.

'Get up!'

I rolled around and pulled my knees up to sit up. I was disorientated, and couldn't see anything in the apparent snow storm. I tried to get up but couldn't keep to my feet and pitched forward, landing on stomach. I wanted to cry. The pain in my body was so immense and I barely had any chakra left. 'You're pathetic. You can't die here!' I screamed at myself.

I got up again, gritting my teeth and focusing everything in my mind to stand straight and get a read on the situation. I was standing in straight ground with nothing around me except the blinding snow storm. Wind howled in my ears, cold and unforgiving sending cold chills all the way into my bones.

A small hope grew in me when I felt the faint chakra of Kakashi somewhere in the distance. One step forward. The pain shot through my body again and I cringed, pressing back the tears that threatened to show. Something hit my foot and I looked down at one of our backpacks. Knowing it was essential for our survival I picked it up with my good arm and slung its heavy weigh to my back and started a steady pace towards Kakashi.

As if things couldn't get any worse a deep vibration went up through my feet and all the way up to my head. The sound of thunder echoed below me, followed by an odd sound of snapping wires and snares. It was the ice under me that was cracking and the sheer sound gave me another adrenalin kick, which forced me into a run towards Kakashi whose chakra was dangerously low. I was still dizzy, but forced my legs to keep on going until I could make out a figure laying on the ground in the distance. The cracks in the ice hadn't opened much yet, but as Kakashi came into sight, I realized he was unconscious.

And he was sliding... Slowly bet steadily sliding into a hole in the ice.

"Kakashi!" I screamed, my lungs protesting, coursing me to cough.

My run, became a sprint of life and death, as everything in me ached to grab him before he disappeared into the cold waters. I threw the backpack off ignoring my aching body and felt everything in me cry as I saw his hand disappear as the last part of him into the water.

Without hesitation I was prepared to die for him in that moment. I leaped forward and dove into the water head first, my heart aching to save him at any cost. The silence beneath was ear splitting, the calm peace of the blue ice underneath so ironic in contrast to my bewildered soul. Air and cold threatened every part of my being as a shock of cold coursed through me. But I dove on, seeing him sink to the dark pit of the lake and swam forward desperately. Shimmering sounds, like how I would imagine stars sound like, echoed in the silence as I kept on going. So close. My hand was so close to reach his.

There I had it. I pulled him up with my good arm, the other desperately telling me that something was out of place and my lungs aching for air. I swam upwards and used my last strength to punch a new hole in the thick ice.

I pushed through the remaining slushly ice, and gasped for air with all of my heart as I reached the surface, pulling Kakashi up with me. I lunged myself up to the ice with a warriors cry, pulling Kakashi pathetically along with me, dragging his heavy and soaked body up, and away from the water. With nothing else in mind but his survival, I leapt to his side and smashed my elbow onto his chest to make him cough. After a second time he coughed, and I realized his wet mask was blocking out and incoming air, and I tore it off with no regards of the fact that I had never seen him without his mask...

Nothing mattered. Not even his bared face. At least he was alive now, and breathing. Soaking cold, I stumbled to me feet, white dots starting to form in my eyes as I did. But I pushed past it, and grabbed the backpack before I managed to sling his larger body over my shoulder, setting a path to the distant mountains ahead.

At every moment I was at the brink of collapsing and crying. Never in my life had I ever experienced natures force this roughly, and it took a whole other toll on me than a battle would. I cried out a few times, pathetically, I know, but I had to push myself somehow. The cliffside towered over me soon, and I walked along them until a hollow formed in the white snowstorm.

A feeling of relief washed over me and I picked up my pace slightly, as I made it to the cave like hollow carved into the wall of the icy cliff.

Once out of the wind, I put down Kakashi carefully and threw the backpack aside and collapsed beside him while panting hard.

'What am I supposed to do?' I felt utterly alone and lost.

I'd never been in this kind of situation before. I had only myself to rely on in a distant land I knew nothing of. I didn't know where I was, or what was wrong with Kakashi. My mind was a warren of twirling thoughts and my body was almost out of chakra and aching.

I felt my mouth tighten as I pressed back the tears while looking into the ceiling. I couldn't cry now. I just couldn't. I had to at least get Kakashi in shape. My body was trembling from the cold. My fingers moved slowly as I felt them obey the will of my mind.

I forced back the tears and sat up, and started to dig through the backpack. Sleeping bag, a ground sheet... The backpack I'd found was Kakashi's as I pulled an extra pair of underwear. First things first. I had to get him on the sheet.

Realization slowly dawned upon me. I would have to change all of Kakashi's clothes so he wouldn't die from the cold. Instead of thinking to much, I just did, and unpacked the sheet by his side before I started to remove his vest.

The shirt went over his head, his tank top too, revealing the toned chest slowly rising and sinking underneath. Great, now I just needed his pants and everything underneath. His pants went off, and after that his woolen pants. My hand grasped the edge of his underpants and drew it down, but not enough. I didn't know why I was being so adamant about avoiding the inevitable. 'Ugh, just get over yourself Toshi!' This constant battle raging on inside me was really becoming a hindrance. I just squashed whatever qualms I had and took another deep breath. 'It isn't like you haven't seen a penis before!' Turning my back to his head I pulled them down in the blink of an eye, trying very hard not to touch him in the process, and managed to not get a glimpse of it.

I grabbed the dry underpants from his feet, and with my back turned away from his upper parts, started to put them on. It was so damned ridiculous of me to be so hesitant in such a serious situation. I squinted my eyes shot as I pulled his underpants over his private parts, making sure not to touch anything I shouldn't. It was so ridiculous, and I swore to myself that I was never going to tell anyone about this. Considering I'd lounged myself into ice cold water with a dislocated arm without hesitation it was beyond embarrassing that I couldn't even change the underwear of an unconscious man without hesitating.

There was no visible wounds to Kakashi except for a few broken fingers, so I dragged the sleeping back up around him, and pulled up to the ground sheet. Not knowing what to do I just looked at his unconscious form as everything hit me like a bullet.

I placed my head in my hands and let out a wobbly sound from the depths of my soul. The carefully sewn patches of my mind slowly unravelled to show the ugly things underneath, showing the ugly things that made me the ugly, ridiculous, lost girl I had forgotten for so long.

I was no good. Not when he needed me the most, I had failed him, and now sat here fighting the tears in utter emptiness. I was no medical nin, and had only learned a few things to patch some one up. Our situations was in reverse, this time I had to save him.

I looked up from my hands and saw through teary eyes, his face that lay inanimate framed by the sleeping bag. He looked much like I had imagined, maybe a bit more handsome with a masculine straight nose and full lips. I whipped my eyes ferociously, deciding there would be better times to marvel at his face than now.

Forcing myself to be strong I turned to dig up our tent, knowing that my clothes would soon start to ice if I didn't move do something soon.

I engaged a zombie like mode, and started putting up the tent. After that, moving Kakashi inside. Then I made a sling for my arm, to ease the pain. Then I hung up his clothes inside the tent, and turned on our heater which ran on chakra. It was all done within few hours. At last I sat down outside the tent and looked into the easing snowstorm...

Twilight deepened. The cloudless sky turned a deep purple, then faded to black. The stars began to come out. A half moon rose. Before I knew of it, I'd been sitting in a trance like state, shivering from my icy clothes and watching puffs of air leave into the cold night. Lips having turned deep purple, and hands almost numb I walked inside the tent which was now warmer and found a flashlight to check up on Kakashi. His chakra was picking up, but was still in some kind of coma.

I was so exhausted that I could barely feel my body anymore and started to take off my ice layered clothes, having the decency to leave on my sports bra which was still just wet, along with my underpants. Not even giving it a second thought I crawled into Kakashi's sleeping back, not in any way able to not having any physical contact. He was so warm compared to me, that it almost felt like he was giving me a burn.

No inner battles was fought this time as the exhaustion and mental trauma was to much at this point. I lay up against his warm body, shivering from the chills of warm pleasure the warmth he radiated sent through me. Then I gave in...

.

I shifted. There was too much pain. But I couldn't shift. I was stuck. In the deep darkness of my slumber, I wasn't yet aware of the pain and my situation. I tried to turn around again, but found it to be cold. A groan escaped my lips. My feet didn't hurt. Listening to the cries of my body I searched for the pain. Definitely my ribs. Definitely my shoulders. My right thigh too. My head was a big fuzzy mess, my muscles was sore. Lifting my heavy eyes open slowly I saw nothing. Wait, had I opened my eyes? They felt open. A rush of panic sparked through me. Where exactly was I? Slowly but steadily yesterday's event started to surface in my mind and the first thing that hit me was: 'right I'm in a tent.'

A sickening shiver ran through me and my skin felt sticky and slimy against Kakashi's. God I was sweating, yet I still felt cold. My eyes searched around for any kind of light source, but there was none. Realizing I was still laying in the same position against Kakashi, I tried to scoot around to my back awkwardly, with a much sore body.

Nausea hit me instantly when I was in my back. 'You just had to sit in cold clothes for an hour or two and stare, didn't you?!' I scolded myself for being so thoughtless. It was obvious that I had a slight fever, and I couldn't afford that under these circumstances. Yesterday events was a twirling of memories, pushing forward and disappearing in a throbbing headache.

'What on earth happened while I was gone?' I thought to myself, receiving no answer from the silent creature within me.

Everything was like a black haze of instincts and survival from the moment I'd woken up, and my mind had firstly been clear when an explosion had sent the walls crumbling and bursting us through the air.

I couldn't muster the headache and the spinning memories. I couldn't deal with my situation and what had happened... Sleep from there on was stressful. I never reached the restoring REM sleep, and therefore always felt like I'd just been lying the thinking every time I woke up.

The sun had risen when I gave up on a good rest. Slowly and tiredly, I sat up breathing in the damp scent of used tent. With a whine I took a hand to my bad shoulder and pulled it slightly to feel how it was. A sting of pain surged through me and I hissed while looking at it. A giant blue mark was like painted across my shoulder and around to my back and blurred down my rips in spots.

I looked back at Kakashi, registering that he was still breathing and didn't seem to have a fever like me. My head was still hurting and the fever put my balance off and made my body heavy to gravity. I brushed a hand through my greasy hair and looked at the opening in the tent. I_t has been long since I've had a bath_, but apparently that was a part of the job description. I stuck my tongue out to lick my dry lips and felt how dry my throat and mouth was. I needed water to help the fever, that was for sure. I looked back at Kakashi; he needed water too, even if he was unconscious.

Reluctantly I crawled out of the sleeping back, and put on my dried clothes slowly and not without wincing. I grabbed two cubs from the backpack. The cold air from outside hit me as soon as I zipped open the tent, and the chills that struck me was so uncomfortable that I had to stand and take a deep breath before venturing outside.

My heart sunk into my stomach when I saw the raging storm outside the cave, and I quickly hacked as much ice as I could into the cups before going into the tent again. Almost panting I bumped down on the floor and put the cubs in front of the heater, and collapsed with fever beside Kakashi. I looked at the beige colored fabric making the top of the tent, and felt my thoughts starting to fall into order.

What had happened to Isao? Was he dead? Not that I really cared much, my focus was mostly on me and Kakashi. People dying had never had a big impact on me... Well except for Kakasi dying. A shiver ran through me of what I'd put my body through yesterday. I couldn't remember a time when I'd ever exerted myself in such a degree for another person. I'd been acting entirely on instincts, and I could barely remember any clear moment of it.

Most importantly: how was I going to get out this situation?

Kakashi always had the answers. He would know what to do. But now his life was in my hands, and I was clueless...

Nausea rolled through me from the depths of my stomach and I took in a deep quivering breath. _Just kill me,_ the thought surfaced like hidden sickness. I had never felt so bad physically and mentally at the same time.

'G_et yourself together. You'll survive even if he doesn't._' Eien's voice roamed inside my head.

'_I'm not sure how I can live with that_.' I admitted. I felt the white lioness sigh tiredly.

'_Sometimes I don't know if he's good or bad for you.'_ She paused for a moment moving restlessly in my mind-' _either way you should act as if you only had yourself to count on. Cause he's out cold._'

She was right...

I looked at my hands. They were roughed up and dry, and also strangely slightly scorched. A memory flickered behind the lids of my eyes. A blue light. The sound of wild birds chirping. A fierce force of wind. Someone behind me. A desperate feeling; I had to protect him... No it wasn't the chirping of birds. It was Kakashi's chidori.

I felt the odd scaring of my palm. Right, the cave had been crumbling. Something had blasted rocks in our way. I'd been using a strong wind jutsu, and somehow my abilities to manipulate the nature chakra around me, had somehow sucked in Kakashi lighting chakra and mixed with the wind jutsu. Finally the wall behind us had given in, and we were blasted outside... The rest I remembered more clearly.

My lip quivered again. To think we both survived that. Sitting up an shrugging off the nausea, I picked up my cup with ice cold water and drank it hungrily. As I drank, looking at Kakashi the same time I slowly started to realize that he wasn't wearing any mask. I whipped my mouth and looked at him intensely, a sudden fluttering feel of butterflies in my stomach erupting.

There he lay, mouth slightly open and with the most serene look to his expression. He was so handsome... With cheekbones an a straight profound nose he looked almost like one of those models on the covers of magazines. His lips were full, although his upper lip was thinner than his lower and his jaw was profound. It was no wonder he was so popular around girls. If I wasn't so nauseated I would've blushed.

Why o' why did I have to fall in love with such a handsome man? I didn't stand a chance with him. Looking back into my cup, I fought the cloud of despair that drifted over me. I shook my head and put the cup aside before moving up behind Kakashi. His body was emitting heat through the fabric of the sleepingbag as I scooped myself up behind him to lift his upper body up. I had to make him sit up in order for him to swallow the water without choking.

It was odd to deal with Kakashi this way. He reminded me of a sleeping child, the way his body was limp as I held him up by his chest. I searched for his cup with my hand while holding his heavy weigh up. Lifting up his chin I pressed at each side of jaw to split his lips and open up to his throat. It was essential for his survival that I gave him water regularly. I managed to pour down the liquid without making him choke and put him down carefully, afraid to injure him more.

I scooted into the sleeping bag once again, giving in to the heavy weight of my body. The isolation and the tranquil silence was starting to make me insane, so I closed my eyes with a sigh, letting my thoughts leading me back to the warm summer days in Konoha. The light breeze in my hair, mid July. A hard honest day of training, Naurto's smile and blue eyes. Kakashi's curve by his eye when he smiled and read his book. Bright and airy woods where tall oaks spread dappled shadows across tinkling streams, birds that sang from hidden nests, and the air spicy with the scent of flowers. The dim warm light of the main hut, the air heavy with smoke, yet somehow still damp. Melted snow that leaked through the smoke hole in the roof. Laughter and warmth played across the back of my eyes. I couldn't remember the smell of delicious food Mamuto's wife cooked for us. I would never remember that again. I was going to die here.

A tear trickled down my cheek and I whipped it away ferociously. _God you're such a mess_!  
The wolf totem I was given popped in to my mind. The whole experience seemed so unimportant at the moment. I should've enjoyed the stay in the village more. I shouldn't have worried so much about my crush on Kakashi, but just enjoyed the experience as it was. Maybe I should've kissed Hayate and let myself be swept away for a moment. It didn't matter now. I had wasted my life. I had wasted opportunities.

Without knowing I'd fallen asleep once again. I woke up from the shivers and spasms my fever coursed and tucked myself into the sleeping bag by Kakashi's shoulder. I couldn't remember the last time I'd had such a bad fever, and I was utter alone. This was ten times worse than my panic attack at the ship and this time Kakashi was asleep for good. I was sweating and my body felt like it was boiling up from the inside. Yet my skin felt freezing cold.  
I pitched forward and out of the sleeping bag, when a wave of nausea hit me and barely managed to spill my guts outside the tent. My stomach cramped in spasms until I thought I was going to pass out of air and then stopped. Standing on my knees and one hand, nothing but sour bile lay on the white snow in front of me until another wave of cramps hit me.

I felt void and frustrated. The cramps stopped and I started to whimper again. I crawled back, all in shivers and grabbed our cups. I knew I had to make some water if my fever was this bad. But everything in me screamed to lie down. I took a moment to fight an inner battle before I crawled back outside to fetch some ice. My rough hands was suddenly weak and powerless against the ice and I felt like a homeless person desperately picking up the last crumbs of bread from the street.

All my struggles seemed like hours and another day went by in the name of suffering and illness. Morning turned to night and despite the heater the temperature fell drastically in our little tent. A hollow pit of acceptance, acceptance of the death was eating me up, replaced by the fear that once was there. At least I could still provide Kakashi with water. I shivered starring vaguely at the cups in front of me. He had a chance of surviving. He didn't have a stinging fever like I.

Eien's chakra was at its peak, filling me with a warm nerve wracking sensation of healing, but keeping me from sleep. She was helping me out the best she could, keeping her chakra on the verge of where the transforming took place.

On the third day my fever was dropping but I was still too weak to do anything active. Not much light came through the storm raging outside, but enough for me to register the sunrise. My lips and mouth were dry when I turned around from my sleep by Kakashi's shoulder.

'_We can't die out here._' Eien's voice echoed in my head.

I sighed heavily and looked at the empty cup that had fallen over during the night.

'_it's not like you have been much moral support_.' I thought

'_I've been doing nothing but focusing my chakra to you_.' she snapped at me.

' _I know. Thank you for that._'

_'You should leave this place. Leave Kakashi behind and go for help in the village.'_

'_Are you crazy? I'll die in that storm, if not Kakashi could die. That is not an option. He'll wake up soon enough.'_

'_You don't know that! He might already be dead and you can't follow him to the grave_!' She snarled at me and I sat up in a rush. I wasn't going to listen to her.

'_As soon as my fever is gone and the storm is settling I'll pack our things and take him with me._'

'_Not if I make you go_.' Eien went silent and I was hit by an alert feeling.

At that point it felt like something was pressing down on me. Immediately I was forced into an extreme focus on my mind told hold Eien at bay.

'_I told you to never do that again_!'

I sat down to meditate and tried with all my heart to keep focused on myself, not allowing her to take over. She was just as weak as I was and I couldn't allow her to do whatever she wanted this experience had been indescribable. I didn't know anything of what had happened as she had taken over my body, except this time it had felt different. I'd have to ask her about that when I could muster it.

'_Selfish girl! I'll save the both of us! Let me through!_' she snarled at me.

'_Leaving Kakashi behind! Who's the selfish one?!_'

A deep roar echoed in my head, forcing away the reflex to cover my ears. Eien's frustration at our situation was starting to get to me, reaching inside to the empty void. It was an odd sensation when my muscles started to cramp up. But then she went silent, leaving me startled to the howling storm.

**Kakashi's POV**

His whole body was sore and aching. Stirring in his sleep Kakashi cracked one eye open, wondering where he was, his years of training kicking in, asking him all the obvious questions. Where was he? Was he safe? What was the situation? What had happened? He scarcely recalled drifting into consciousness a few times, a burning fever sending him right back to sleep. He moved a toe to see if it was working. Then his feet and hands. Good, everything seemed not broken. His vision was blurry and the colors made him squint his eye for a moment as they adjusted to the light. The fabric of the tent was briskly moving in the wind and he realized the sounds that had disturbed him came from the tent. He lifted his hand weakly up to his eyes and rubbed them before stretching his sore body. The fingers on his left hand hurt a lot and was bandaged.

He felt a chakra signature outside the tent and sat up in a rush when he realized he wasn't alone. Black spots formed in front his eyes and he swayed for a moment before collapsing back in the sleeping bag. _How long have I been out?_ A dreadful chill settled in his stomach when the memories hit him like a bomb.

He'd been using his sharingan and his chidori too much and could barely remember flying through the air before everything had went black. He recognized Toshi's chakra signature, although this time it felt slightly different. Nausea hit him at the thought of pretending to be strong when in fact he wasn't. Obviously it was Toshi who'd been taking care of him, but was she Eien or Toshi?

He had a bad headache throbbing in the back of his head, yet forced himself to sit up, slowly and carefully. Looking around the tent, he found his clothes hanging in the back, and in momentarily weakness of the mind shot his hands down to feel if he was wearing underwear. Well, he was. His hand then shot to his face in sudden panic, feeling the mask gone. He suddenly wished that it was Eien outside. He'd taken so many precautions for Toshi not to see his face. It was down right ridiculous of him to think like that and he knew it. He moved his tired eyes to the opening of the tent as Toshi started to fumble with the zipper. Feeling slightly groggy and empty-headed he watched silently as she entered the tent without paying attention to him sitting there looking dumb-founded. She looked sick and broken.

It wasn't before she had zipped the opening close and turned around she saw him, and the realization was so evident in her face that he suddenly became oddly self-aware about not wearing a mask and sitting in nothing but underwear and a sleeping bag.

She had halted in whatever she was about to do, and stood there like she was suddenly frozen, only her eyes giving away her surprise. She had looked so different with Eien's personality and the ice blue eyes, he realized. He was glad to have her back, glad to not be so intimidated by every move she made. He wanted to say something but found himself lost for words. He was just as confused as she looked. A dumb snicker left his mouth when her eyes grew big and full of emotion, the surface of her forest green eyes starting to get teary. He was relieved to see she was still Toshi.

"You're awake." Her voice almost cracked in a tearful voice and he could tell she fought hard to control it.

"Yeah." He said sheepishly looking down at himself.

"I, uh." She could barely control her voice which had grown thick.

Something made him weak to her emotions and he felt somehow traumatized by not knowing where he was and what had happened. For the first time in a long time, he felt the sharp pinch of tears pricking and threatening to come out, pulling up hidden emotions from the depths of his heart. Eien had definetely toyed too much with him. He coughed, shocked by the sudden turmoil of a riot going in inside of him she stirred up.

Hesitantly she stepped forward almost in a daze, her eyes never leaving his. He'd never seen her eyes hold such emotions and before he knew of it, she almost attacked him in a bone-crushing warm hug.

**Toshi's POV**

Nothing could describe the relief I felt. Every rule was broken, and I knew it as soon as the tears started to form in my eyes. There was nothing to do but to hug him tightly.

"I can't believe you're finally awake!" I squeaked into his neck, shutting my eyes tightly shut to make the tears leave.

He chuckled confused and wrapped his arms slowly around me exhaling into my neck and returning the hug. Although I felt sick beyond comparison the gesture made butterflies in my stomach flutter. Sniffling in tears I couldn't help but chuckle in happiness, never wanting to let him go again. He released his grip and took me by my shoulders to move me away slightly, or so I thought.

A sharp pain shot through my shoulder, and I crippled over into his chest with a groan. In one shift movement he'd popped my shoulder into place. The pain was overshadowing every thought in my head, but quickly subsided after a few seconds.

"God that wasn't very nice." I groaned through gritted teeth, and looked up at Kakashi who was looking at me concerned, one hand still lingering comforting on my shoulder.

He chuckled lightly, his eyes showing emotions like never before. It almost made me catch my breath and I suddenly didn't know what to do with myself, straddling him between my legs.

"I'm sorry but I need to lie down again." He said.

He put his big warm hand to my chin whipping a stray tear away before he fell back in the position I'd seen him lay in for three days. It was odd to see him smirk, and not just any smirk. A crooked kind of lopsided cute smirk framed by gorgeous lips that made my body go soft.

"Kakashi you don't get how scared I've been!" I hopped off of him and sat down beside him, trying fight back the tears and gather my lost composure.

"We've been here for three days with no food or any signs of humanity. I didn't know how much you were hurt so I couldn't drag you along into the storm, so I've just been taking care of you here and I had a fever so I-" Kakashi cut me off quickly.

"Slow down Toshi, I can't follow."

Kakashi looked sick all of a sudden and I jerked aside when he rushed out of his covers and stumbled through the tent, almost falling through the opening.

"What's wrong?!" For a second I was worried I'd missed out on some danger, but quickly realized he had to take a piss. Well, that was no wonder.

He'd been laying down for three days, it was a wonder he could stand up so quickly. I took the moment to gather myself and wipe the revealing tears away. I almost laughed at myself. It was a whole new side of myself that came up. I liked him so much that the relief of his awakening had put me on a heavenly cloud of happiness.

"Sorry about that." He said hoarsely when he entered the tent, holding a hand to his head.

He had a strong scent of sweat and snow to him, as did I too, but the lively scent sent a shiver through my body. He sat down with a thud, his flat muscled stomach seeming to have lost some mass, as he slouched forward and climbed into the sleeping bag. I realized he'd caught me staring and cleared my throat, looking at him worried with no attempt to hide it.

"You've lost weight and you've been hurt pretty badly." I stated.

He lay down once again with sigh and didn't answer. I bit my lips and looked away when he closed his eyes.

"You too. Your shoulder?" he pointed weakly towards the before dislocated shoulder.

"It's been bugging me a lot. It's all purple and swollen, but I hope it will grow better now." I said.

I couldn't avert my eyes from him. It was surreal that he was finally awake.

"The storm has taken off. We might be able to find our way back while we still can." I hesitated and bit my lip. "How are you? How long do you need to rest?"

I knew I popped the question quite early, but I couldn't bear the thought to stay here one more day.

"I think I have a fever and my head hurts pretty badly." He sucked in a breath of air like it was struggle to talk and continued "I need a few hours at least."

"Right." I nodded and fidgeted with my fingers, not knowing what to say.

"Thank you for staying with me." he said, tilting his head in my direction.

I fought a blush, a completely inappropriate blush considering the situation and mentally smacked myself._ I couldn't imagine my life without you_ I wanted to say.

"Of course. You would've done the same for me." I said, giving him a shy smile.

There was something unsettling about the look he gave me. It was one of those deep, thoughtful ones, like he was looking at someone that wasn't the Toshi he had met months ago.

"True." He said after a moment.

"Hey! Why did it take you so long to say that?" I asked jokingly.

He chuckled lightly but immediately groaned at the pain.

"You should lie still." I said, not even bothering to hide my concern.

At that moment I felt something in me stir. An instinct kicking in, but weakened by my physical state. Someone was approaching. Kakashi had felt it too and jerked his head up alarmed, a sweat starting to break out on his forehead.

"Be still." I hissed this time, naturally taking the initiative to go outside and check. Even though it had been only three days it was now second nature to take charge and protect, even though I didn't want to.

The sun that reflected off the white snow almost blinded me as it had done just before Kakashi awoke. Walking briskly as my legs could manage I walked to entrance of the cave. Patches of snow crunched beneath my feet as my boots broke the nights crust, and my breath steamed before me as a banner. I took a gloved hand to my forehead to shade my eyes and looked into the distance of the vast frozen lake.

Two small dots seemed to be moving in our direction, fast. A spark of adrenalin kicked in. Of all my years living alone, I had learned that you should never trust any strangers.

"Someones coming our way." I yelled back to Kakashi as quiet as I could manage.

I squinted my eyes, the brightness seeming to hurt them and waited for a bit until I could make out two dog sleighs.

"Two sleighs." I shouted back.

I heard scrambling inside the tent and looked back to see Kakashi's head emerge.

"What are you doing? Go back inside you idiot!" I scolded.

He looked sick for a moment, but then turned back inside. _He doesn't have enough chakra to fight, I can feel_ and there was no mistaking that I wasn't exactly battle fit either. I hid my chakra well, but Kakashi wasn't doing such a good job. My shoulder was useless and so was my control over Eien.

"Shit." I muttered and ran forward to crouch behind a big pile of ice.

There was something familiar about the chakra, but only because every native in this land had a similar feel to their chakra.

"Heeeeeey!" someone behind a sleigh called and waved a thick gloved hand in the air.

I still couldn't make out who was approaching but surely an enemy wouldn't call like that. I stood up a bit awkwardly, thinking I was better at hiding than this.

"Talk to me Toshi." Kakashi called from the tent, seeming to scramble around.

"Um.." I craned my neck to see better but still couldn't make out the drivers. "I think they're friendly."

I waved back at the strangers awkwardly, starting to realize that they could be our tickets home to the village and out of the wilderness. A shred of hope started to grow in my stomach.

"Over here!" I called without thought and trashed through the thick snow eagerly.

One of them was a big round man, clad in fur and thick clothes while the other was a tad smaller and thinner. Realization hit me like a bomb when I saw it was Mamuro, the head of the village and a big warm man, and his eldest son Hayate who I had been spending a lot of time with in the village. The relief drained me completely and I feel to me knees with a smile. After having been so deep down mentally, basically ready to die, I suddenly felt alive again.

"Over here!"I yelled even louder and waved my arms frantically in the air. "Kakashi it's Mamuro and Hayate!"

A maniacal laughter escaped my mouth and I couldn't help but cheer in happiness.

Hayate almost jumped of his sleigh before it had stopped, his eyes big and full of joy. Mamuro had a more stern look, but with a happy glimpse in his eyes. Snow was stuck in his thick beard and he walked off the sleigh briskly.

"Toshi! We thought you were dead! Thank god you're alive." Hayate exclaimed striding over to me covered in thick clothes.

This time it was me who got attacked in a bone crushing hug when the young man embraced me warmly while laughing. I couldn't quite comprehend someone could be so glad to see _me_ alive and his bluntness made me almost speechless. He pulled me out of the hug, still holding my shoulders tightly and looked deep into my eyes like he didn't know what to do with himself. His brown eyes shone at me and his brown hair was greasy from the travel. He had a healthy glow to him, his nose and cheeks red. I looked away, immediately saved by Kakashi who came stumbling out of the tent fully clothed. Mamuro was quickly by his side before I could react. I smoothed out of Hayate's grip, instantly concerned about Kakashi.

"Kakashi's been out for three days." I said to Mamuro.

"You both need care. We can take you home. It will only be a few hours with the dogs." Mamuro said.

It was odd seeing him so serious. I'd only seen his warm family side, and now I understood what a great leader he was to his village. Hayate was quickly by Kakashi's side to support him along with Mamuro. I admired that, as it was clear the he wanted to be by my side.  
As they let Kakashi to one of the sleighs, I sat down in the snow, finally feeling the weigh of my body. The dogs barked loudly and the sun warmed my face even though the wind was still brisk. I watched almost in a daze as the lay Kakashi on the front of a sleigh and packed him into furs and leather.

"Are you alright?" Hayate stood by my side suddenly, offering me a hand.

I tried to brush my hair back but it was too greasy, and gave him a sad smile. The attention he was given was flattering but also made me slightly uncomfortable. It was the first time someone had liked me so quickly. He was so nonjudgmental, he only saw me for what he had seen here. Was that the new me he saw? I had never even given it a thought that the changes I made could make me new friends who actually cared about me. I took his hand and bit my lip when it started to quiver. His concern and comfort was too tempting. It was everything I wanted Kakashi to show me. But Kakashi was too well trained at hiding his feelings and not telling things from the depths of every emotion he felt, and that was the unspoiled beauty of Hayate.

"Hey don't cry, you're safe now." He gave me warm reassuring smile and put an arm around me.

He made me feel like a little girl and the brief safety I'd felt with the foster family. It was all I wanted in a man I realized, but it was a thing I'd forsaken when becoming a ninja and I knew it would be hard for me to ever reach that deep into Kakashi to make him want to make me feel that way.

"We'll take you home now."


	16. Air for life Chapter 16

**Wow I basically spent two Whole days on this chapter and it came out quite long. **  
**Thank you all for the reviews, they are much appreciated, and I'm sorry that I'm not the fastes update, but I'm very **  
**critical when it comes to getting all the details mashed up in the story and all the correct facts. A lot of Things happens in this chapter! **  
**If any of you have any ideas or inputs feel free to review or PM me.  
**

**FOR INFO**

**This chapter has Money involed, RYO which is the Naruto currency. I did some reasearch on it to give Toshi the right amount of Money. **  
**If you want to understand how much Money she has here's an explanation:**  
**YEN is the Japanese currency, RYO is the old japanese currency. **  
**There is aprox 10 yen on 1 RYO. **  
**In Japan a meal at a restuarant is about 1.000 YEN which Means that one meal is 100 RYO (12 dollars) **

**Also I listened to Loreena Mckennith's mystics dreams when Kakashi and Toshi enters Suna in this chapter, if any of you want to have some music to set the mood. **

**ENJOY :D**

* * *

_"You have proved to be_  
_A real human being_  
_And a real hero"_

The fire danced and sputtered in his eyes. He was entranced and vulnerable. Something had reached his core and it scared him and excited him at the same time. It was Toshi, of course, his thoughts circled about. For the first time, with the exception of Gai, somebody was starting to fill the empty void Rin and Obito had left in him. Of all people it was Toshi Setsuko. How had she done it? He didn't quite know. But she'd saved him and stayed by his side in the blistering cold. It was stupid he thought, to put herself at risk for his sake. The way her eyes had watered at the sight of him awake, the way he could always hear her voice outside the hut, trying to persuade people to let her in.

He shifted uncomfortably. People were fussing too much about him, especially the twin girls who had developed a crush on him. The only one who didn't fuzz about him was Toshi when she was allowed to see him. As the only other ninja in the place, she was the only one who understood how much it took on ones pride to be unnecessarily fuzzed too much about and how vulnerable you could be. Therefore she kept a certain distance when she visited him and didn't linger for too long. He liked that and therefore she was the only one he actually wanted to fuzz about him.

He ruffled his silver hair, an odd feeling manifesting itself in his stomach. He was a high ranked ninja an although forming bonds, even having relationships was normal amongst ANBU ranked ninjas, it was always something to be careful about. He could keep a certain controlled distance to civilian acquaintances or lovers, but bonds between colleagues had to be maintained well. Toshi was becoming one of those and even though the attractive young girl was showing big progress, he was afraid that she would grow too much on him. One part of him liked that thought, another part of him wanted her at a distance. Even how flattered he felt that someone as hateful and strong as her had accepted him into her life. He shouldn't feel flattered. He was Kakashi the copy ninja, son of Konoha's white fang and descendant from a strong and proud bloodline, well respected and even notorious around the land, and he was feeling flattered that an orphan girl with a bad mouth, social problems and a immense amount of strength, cared about him without really saying it. Oh, and he wasn't thinking about the fact that she was also delicately beautiful and athletic, and had a hidden womanly sexual power about her...

Hell, maybe they had been isolated for too long as it was starting to mess with his head. But why did he feel a constant urge to be close to her? He thought back to the days in the village before they had set out on the mission. He remembered the hut where he had watched her sleep, and his reaction to his own actions had startled himself.

But that wasn't the worst thing. He was plagued with dreams about her. Not the Toshi he knew, but child Toshi who ran around making mud pies and he even remembered the weight of them, the mud slick and brown between her fingers. He dreamt about child Toshi with light blonde hair and curious green eyes, running around outside in the warm southern rain through woods, drooping branches heavy with moisture, almost as if he was experiencing long forgotten memories. It was unsettling.

Intelligent as he was, Kakashi was starting to put two and two together and remembered a distant conversation he had once had with her.

"_If it's so hard to reach inside the sharingan why do Eien keep trying?" he'd asked her._

_"Well, it isn't that hard anymore." she'd said in between a mouthful of ramen."Last time she entered, she left a tiny amount of chakra behind to lead through the block of your sharingan."_

_"So you're saying that some of her chakra is inside me?" he'd asked, trying to get a grasp of the concept._

_"Yeah, I guess. Well it can't harm you if that's what you're scared of." She'd said with a shrug._

No, it wasn't that he was scared of _that_. But he didn't like it. No one knew how it could interfere with him. Maybe she could feel where he was at all times, he had wondered. But now he was more sure. The interference the blast of the hidden chakra pool had done, had somehow made the small amount of Eien's chakra stronger, or at least their connection, and now he was directly in touch with some of Toshi's memories. He had heard about similar cases before, where the connection of two different chakras, created a kind of link that made it possible to feel emotions of the other person. He wasn't sure of this was the case, or if he was just dreaming random things, but he wasn't sure if he should tell her. She'd seen some of his most precious memories before, and hoped for all in the world she wasn't dreaming about him as well. It would be a breach of privacy, and he liked being private, especially when he was trained to be both suspicious to everyone, but also keeping things private so no one could use it against him. Yet it was always like she found a way to make him tell something about himself.

**Toshi's POV.**

"Finally, jeez." I muttered and pulled the two leather flaps which functioned as doors aside.

I had started to grow anxious in the village ever since we'd gotten back. Although I'd been treated more then well, the cold and the landscape was starting to make me feel trapped. I'd been scrubbed clean from bottom to top by three old ladies when I had arrived, and my arm and smaller injuries had been treated well, although my shoulder was still wrapped in a supporting fabric to help it recover better. Hayate was being a true gentleman, always treating me warmly and keeping me company without overstepping any boundaries. It was an odd thing to be treated so... normally. I don't think I could ever get used to it. But I had realized one thing: friendship was such a weird thing, and not really that hard. You just pick a person you've met and then you're like 'yep. I like this one' and then you just do stuff together with them. Even though Hayate's interest in me seemed to be more than on the level of friendship, I knew I couldn't return his feelings. I was too caught up in my infatuation with Kakashi to ever imagine myself settle for some one like Hayate who lead a completely different life than I. Sure I liked his family and the cozy welcoming feel to the village, and he was an ideal man for most women, but deep down inside I knew I was too caught up in the ninja world to ever go back and live like him and his family.

I was praying and hoping that Kakashi was well as we were leaving tomorrow. Orange light flickered across the low ceiling of the hut, and I could see the black figure of Kakashi sitting in front of the fireplace in the middle, silently watching the fires. I felt an urge to comfort him, as I often did these days, but maintained a distance when I sat down beside him. He was more vulnerable than I had ever seen him, his expression always thoughtful and distant. Silent as he typically was, he was even more silent than usually.

"How are you?" I asked, trying to sound carefree.

He looked at me after a few seconds, the light of the fire sparkling in his narrowed eyes. _I wonder what he's thinking._

"Much better." He admitted, giving me a half-hearted smile. I still had to get used to seeing his mouth, not that I minded... at all.

"I tried to get in and hour before, but the twins wouldn't let me." I said, starting to take off the heavy white cloak I had burrowed from him, as mine was gone in the blast by the icecave.

He chuckled and looked thoughtfully back into the fire. From time to time I wanted to reach out and feel his mood, but kept telling myself that it wasn't nice to intrude. He was so distant, and at the same time so relaxed and warm. _Vulnerable_. The word kept popping into my mind whenever I saw him like that. I would've liked this state of mind if I knew what was hidden behind it, but he didn't seem to want to share. It struck me as it had done before that he never shared anything with me about his life. And so I was constantly wondering how to make him open up to me. _Me_ the one person that had never bothered to open anyone up. How was I supposed to do that now? It was annoying. I cared too much about him to not think about what was going on in his mind. _Who does he share with?_ I wondered. Was this how he had felt when he first met me?

"I'm having these strange dreams." he said calmly.

It was impossible to read his expression. His lips were relaxed, and his one open eye narrow and full of thought. But, hey, this was progress.

"I know!" I stated a bit too obvious.

His open eye snapped to mine, this time more widened. It was nice to see some life in him for once.

"I mean, I've been having strange dreams too." I admitted.

Actually they weren't that strange, only a bit. I always lashed through the forrest in Konoha clothes, searching for an enemy. I never felt like me when I had those dreams, but it was scenarios I had never experienced before.

"Really?" He seemed to relax again, and leaned back on his elbows.

Even though he was wearing one of his black tank-tops it was impossible to ignore the outline of his muscles underneath. _That's a nice fire_, I averted my eyes, trying to focus on the fireplace.

"Yeah, they seem different from the ones I usually have. They feel more real." I admitted.

"Hm." Was his only reply and he was closed off once again.

I sighed, it was a constant struggle to figure him out even though I felt like I knew him, but ever since we had gotten back it was like he had changed the slightest.

"How's your shoulder?" He asked, now looking back at me, seeming genuinely worried.

"Good, still a bit sore, and the blue has turned green and yellow. It looks kind of gross." I said and shrugged.

He sat up straight now, seeming to have gone out of his thoughtful trance he had been in for days.

"Can I see?" He asked, and reached out for my shoulder.

I didn't know what it was with him and always looking my injuries over like he didn't trust either me or the doctors to do a good enough job.

"No." I said as if it was obvious and pushed his hand away.

He looked slightly shocked at first, his open eye wide in amusement, but then laughed briefly.

"That's the Toshi I know." He said in between breaths.

It was nice to hear him laugh again, although it wasn't something he did much in general. I ruffled my hair sheepishly and smiled back. He was finally starting to give in a bit. A playful glimmer crossed his features and I let him reach out and grab my arm as he pulled me close to himself. The warmth he gave off made me want to shiver. He didn't just pull me closer, but _close_. Right up against his side.

"Stop that." I said, trying to shrug my arm away.

Even though I liked being close to him, this came so sudden that it took me off guard. I felt kind of oppressed by his presence. His face was so close to mine, my shoulder the only thing between our heads. I looked at him, well as much as I could turn my head, giving him a confused stare. His scent hit me along with the puffs of his breath. His eye was fixated on me, a warm wondering stare penetrating me. It was a different stare this time. He could be flirting at times, but he only used to do it because it made me uncomfortable. This time there was something genuine about it, he was so dominant when he wanted to be. _What's going on in that mind of his?_ I wondered.

"You're acting so strange lately." I snapped and tried to pushed him down playfully.

"Relax a bit Toshi." He said and chuckled, trying to drag me down with him.

"Don't go all sentimental on me just because you had a near death experience!" I said, trying to get out of his grip.

He laughed out loud, showing a row of straight teeth. It was as if something had snapped inside him, like he had suddenly decided to put everything he had ever built and learned aside to just do what he felt like.

"You were always easy to tease." He said, and grabbed my other wrist.

Where I once would've been mad, I couldn't help but laugh at that statement. After all we had experienced together this was ridiculous to be weird about. He could never pull me down without my consent I knew that, we were both too strong for such child play, but I gave in the slightest when I started laughing. I found myself hovering slightly over him, his hands still around my wrists.

"You did save my life though." He said, suddenly serious again, his one eye resting intensly at mine.

I became flustered immediately at being so close to him. He was being so genuine that I didn't know what to do with myself. Long blonde hair trickled down across his forehead and down beside his chin. I looked at his silver hair all messed up from laying down and then to his inviting lower lip. I found myself confused about the situation, and he could see that in my face. Suddenly our proximity, the darkness of the room and his scent were becoming more and more apparent and I felt a heated urge manifest itself in my stomach. It was simply too much, too strange. I had to stop it.

He grunted suddenly as if he was mad at himself, and pulled me down beside him, folding his arm under my neck like he had done on the ship. The moment was gone, and I knew Kakashi had closed himself a bit more again. I gave into the sensation of his arm around me, and put my hand on his chest as we looked into the fire. There was so many unspoken things between us right now and I sighed at the thought. How could two people as damaged as us ever hope to truly relax? There was too much ninja in both of us.

"You make it sound so heroic. I just did what felt right. It was ugly as hell." I muttered.

It was hard to adjust to the sudden contact we had, it had come so naturally when he had opened up the slightest. I felt his warmth and listened to his steady heartbeat, while contemplating. That thing I'd just felt my body do was disturbing and exciting at the same time. It was embarrassing, yes.

"It's nice that I have you to count on." He answered.

I felt his breath washing over my face like a sweet breeze and his words went straight to my core, sending an army of butterflies flying around my stomach. I had to restrain my breathing, forcing it normal as I knew he could read body language easily.

"Of course, who else is supposed to watch your ass when you get us blown up." I said jokingly.

"Technically it was you who messed up when you lost control of Eien." He said, squeezing my shoulder in a friendly manner.

We hadn't discussed that subject yet as we both knew it was touchy. Honestly the whole experience was one big black-out for me.

"I'm sorry about that. I don't know-"

"You don't have to explain yourself. Judging from your screaming it wasn't anything you could control. I've come to learn that the creature in you is beyond any of us' control." He said while shifting uncomfortably, his open eye narrowing at the fire like he was recalling a disturbing memory.

"So... You met her I take it." I asked, biting my lip in restrain from explain myself.

"I did!" He snorted "I met her in your body. It was like meeting a completely different Toshi."

I laughed at that. Although she worked in mysterious ways at times, I could only imagining the shock of being in the presence of such a strong personality.

"I bet you didn't know what to do with yourself." I said.

"I figured immediately that every word and action had to be carefully calculated." He said, his voice growing hoarse and tired.

Well it was good that he had picked up on that quickly. Mind games was her thing, and she was just as calculating as Kakashi could be.

"Just admit that she was intimidating." I said.

"Well, she was in your body so it was like seeing a more..." Kakashi seemed to search for his words, his chest rising and falling steadily. "A more intimidating version of you."

I raised my head to look fully at him, a questioning frown settling itself over my eyes.

"Wait, you think I'm intimidating?" I asked.

"Well... Yeah. Thinking back on you when we first met, you were just a wreck. Now when you're starting to get your things together, you are also more dangerous. Who knows what's going on in there? No one can control what you're doing as long as you blend in with all the other shinobi of Konoha." He said, his eyes searching over my face like he was looking for a peak inside my mind.

He poked my forehead to make his point come across and I tried to wave his hand away with a pout. My pride took a small hit from that 'a wreck' comment, but besides that I had never considered that my good behavior ultimately gave me more freedom, besides being able to roam around the city and go on missions. What Kakashi was saying was that I could go around plotting and do dirty stuff without being a suspect. What more was:

"So you, Kakashi Hatake of the sharingan, former ANBU shinobi, thinks that I, a messed up little girl, is intimidating. You know, that makes no sense." I said.

"Sometimes I wonder if the image you have of yourself is the same as how other people see you," he muttered.

He looked so cozy and tired that I wanted to stroke his cheek. Instead I just lay down on his arm again, enjoying the feel of his warm body.

"I wonder that about you too." I said.

"Really? Why?" He asked, sounding genuinely startled.

As if it wasn't obvious I wondered about the person I spend time with, I snorted at that question.

"Why? Even though I don't know much about your past, I know you have lost a great deal of loved ones. I can't imagine how you cope with that. What happened to that Rin girl I saw in your memories." I asked carefully.

He was silent for a moment and I was afraid I had asked to much of him. Knowing I had him in a vulnerable state, a hope was still spiring in me.

"I... I can't possibly tell you about that." He sighed deeply.

As I looked up at him, there was a sad note to his expression and it made my heart ache. I didn't know how to ever get him to tell me about it, as he so freely spoke about everything else. Even when finding out about his teammates death, he had spoken so neutrally about it. Yet he couldn't go in details.

"If you really want to know. Can you look yourself? For the memory?" He said, not moving his eye and inch from the fire.

I felt slightly taken aback by that. To think he would freely allow me to roam around his mind was almost absurd. I popped up on my elbow again to look at him, his eyes never meeting mine.

"How hard did you hit your head in that fall?" I asked, knowing that this golden opportunity could slide out of my hands like water.

"If it can satisfy your curiosity I wont mind. But I can't promise you that you wont see me differently after seeing this memory." He said.

His eyes shot to mine, an intense stare penetrating me. I didn't know what was going on in his mind to suddenly open so much up to me as he did, but it caught me off guard.

"Satisfy my curiosity..." I muttered, "isn't it normal to get to know the person you are around so much?" I asked him.

"I guess." He answered simply.

His stare was starting to make me twitchy. He only had that look when he was serious about something. _God_, why'd he have to look like that?! It was unbearable! Something in his attitude seemed like he had given up and succumbed to the fact I would know every dirty little secret of his life.

"Jeez Kakashi! Are you even sure if you want to-"

He grabbed my wrist, his stare intensifying and his expression going stern.

"Just. Do. It!" He hissed, his voice hoarse and tired.

This was unsettling. Now when he commanded me to do it, I suddenly didn't want to know what was hiding behind that face of his. I snatched my hand away, returning the stare he gave me. _Fine, if he wants me to pry so badly_! I moved roughly to sit on top of him, killing every doubt in my mind and started to gather my hair in a pony tail so it wouldn't get in the way.

"Fine! I'll have a look." I said briskly.

I enjoyed the startled look on his face and the way he didn't know where to put his hands without putting them on my thighs. His insecurity surfaced for a moment:

"So, um, what do I do?" He asked.

"Just stay still and recall the memory." I said, and leaned over, putting my hands on either side of his head.

"Open your left eye too." I commanded.

He hesitated for a moment but then opened the eye, the startling red color seeming to light up in the dark. I watched how the eye adjusted to me, the three dots spinning around the pupil like magnets and there I was utterly mesmerized. I leaned closer, pulling forth that unexplainable power that linked me to another mind. One of his hands came to rest on my thigh and his warm breath came so closely to my skin, that I suddenly had a hard time focusing. Kakashi who seemed so vulnerable at the moment, looked as if he was struggling to hide how this affected him too.

"Wait!" He breathed seeming locked in his movements.

"What?" I asked irritated, the intense, cramped space suddenly gone.

"I, um... Will it be like the other times?" He asked.

"Not if you let me in willingly. Now stay still!" I snapped at him and refocused.

I felt Eien's power surge through me, reaching out to Kakashi. _Dammit, why does he look so inviting? No, focus_! I pulled forth that power again. _He looks at me like I'm going to hurt him._ I felt that deep down in my stomach, the urge to comfort him. _Refocus!_ I took in a deep breath to concentrate, Kakashi starting to look awkward.

"Is it happening now?" He asked, his eyes flickering.

"No, stupid!" I growled irritated.

He shut his mouth and grew colder as if he was getting it together, and so did I, tapping into the old Toshi who had nothing left for anyone. And then I fell into his eyes like deep bottomless ponds. I felt myself leaving my physical heavy body as gravity seemed to switch. The black space of the sharingan opened up and the black sandstorm whirled around me as always. Collecting myself, I shaded my eyes from the sand and looked for the small light of chakra Eien had once left behind.

Briskly as my legs could carry me I walked through the storm and towards the light, reaching it within what seemed like minutes. An echo of a roar rummaged through the empty space full of sand, and beside me Eien manifested like a silent sentinel. Her ice blue eyes were on me, staring intensely. Her big athletic body stood proud and gave me a sense of feline power. She was watching my actions silently I knew. The dark door in front of me stood, waiting to unravel Kakashi's memory. I took in a deep breath, preparing myself for whatever he was so afraid to talk about and opened the door...

A white light engulfed me and I plunged my hand involuntary forward, the sound of his chidori the first sense that came clear.

Utter emptiness followed. A hollow feeling, anger, regret. My hand had plunged right through flesh and bone, and I looked up at Rin's face filled with horror and pain. Her eyes were wide, her hair a big brown mess. The blue light of the chidori flared behind her.

"Kakashi..." she whispered hoarsily.

My heart was aching and hers was gone replaced by the chidori. _What have I done? I killed her._

The scenery changed and I hunted down one ninja after the other, plunging the chidori through their hearts cold heartedly, every time Rin's face showing up behind the lids of my eyes.

I was pulled so suddenly back in my body that I gasped when the dark hut and Kakashi's eyes came back into view. His eyes were wide and he looked almost petrified. A drop fell on his chin. But it wasn't his tears. It was mine. Kakashi threw me aside violently and pitched forward, leaving me flabbergasted with teary eyes. He stumbled to the entrance and outside and I followed bewildered, the images of Rin still freshly imprinted in my mind. The women around cried out confused as I came stumbling out the tent, and saw Kakashi on his knees in the snow. I froze at the sight of him scrubbing his right arm hysterically in the snow as if it was dirty.

He had killed his own teammate. The person he cared most about. It had hurt him so badly. It had turned him cold. A shiver ran through me as I stared at him. He had killed so many people. Kakashi, the man who had believed in me and who I was in love with, had killed more people than I. Mercilessly he had killed cold-hearted in his time as ANBU, Rin and Obito having left him even more hollow than when his farther died.

_But he isn't like that anymore._

I knew it was the way of ninja. I knew deep down he had killed many people. Had I come across him when he was younger I would not be alive today though. I went to his side silently and crouched putting a hand on his shoulder to peep at his frantic face. He jerked at my touch and looked at me, his maniacal scrubbing starting to subside. I didn't want to show him pity although that was what I felt. I felt the corner of my mouth go up the slightest, telling him to stop and that it was alright.

He was damaged somehow and it was no wonder to me that he was always so indifferent and anti social.

"Kakashi." I said softly, meeting his eyes.

I felt waves of fright and despair coming off of him. I knew I couldn't hug him, not in front of others and especially not in this state. It would suck too much of his pride away.

"What's going on?"

Hayate who had an unexplainable good ability to always find me, came from around a hut, his expression startled as he looked at Kakashi and I.

"It's alright, we were just experimenting with some jutsu." I said and waved my arm dismissively at him before putting it around Kakashi's shoulder.

Kakashi who seemed to have been looking at me instead of listening to the actual conversation suddenly came back to reality when his cheeks started to go a red color. I looked around the women who had been going about their daily business, some of them blushing at the sight of Kakashi without a mask on.

"Come on you. Those genjutsu's." I said jokingly and tugged in Kakashi's arm to get him inside.

He stood up looking slightly bewildered, and then looked at his hands as if what he was seeing wasn't real. A baby was wailing somewhere, the wind howling in a grey sky. It was as if life continued once again, as people started walking.

"Let's go inside again." I said, trying to tug Kakashi along although I felt like I was talking to a child.

He looked at me as if confused and then nodded, starting to walk inside.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." He said once inside the hut again.

"I'm starting to realize I'm not the only one with issues." I said, scratching my neck uncomfortably.

Kakashi picked up his sweater, deliberately avoiding eye contact with me.

"What you did..." I hesitated as I felt my stomach turn at the thought of Rin. "What you did to her... "

"Was unforgivable. But I had to do it. For the sake of Konoha." Kakashi looked at his hand again as if was a person of itself.

That statement gave me the creeps, like a cold chill running all the way down my spine. Who was the badder person? Me who broke the laws or Kakashi who followed them? It wasn't really a question, just another dilemma life threw at me. If the hokage told Kakashi to kill me, would he do it?

"I'll do anything for my teammates, even break the rules. You must understand that Toshi. I was a different person back then." He looked at me fully now a hint of desperation evident in his eyes.

Something in me stayed skeptical while the other side of me believed him. But I was suspicious of nature, I didn't think I could ever put away that feeling that Konoha constantly had its knife at my throat.

"I know." I said low voiced, hiding my inner doubts.

"Excuse me you two." Hayate peeped through the leather-flap doors of the hut, smiling sheepishly.

"We're having a farewell feast for the two of you before you leave tomorrow." He said.

"Right now? Is it already that late?" I asked feeling slightly thrown off by the late hour.

"Yeah, you haven't noticed it's growing dark?" Hayate gave me one of those reassuring warm smiles.

Every time he did that I always got the feeling that he found me amusing, but wanted to keep me safe from whatever danger was thrown at me.

"We'll be there." Kakashi answered before I realized I had been staring at Hayate.

"Great." Hayate answered and chuckled at me before disappearing.

I felt myself blushing at the warmth that he always exuded and snorted at how dumb I sometimes acted.

"He has really taken a liking to you." Kakashi commented, the previous conversation seeming to be put aside.

"You think so?" I said obliviously although I had picked up on that fact a long time ago.

"Definitely. I know what a man looks likes when he's intrigued." Kakashi flashed me a teasing look.

"Stop that!" I snapped at him, giving him a look that told him to shut up.

"Stop what?" Kakashi was smirking at me, and it wasn't much what he was smirking about but more the smirk itself that took me a bit off guard.

"Just shut up already." I snapped and crossed my arms stubbornly.

He pulled up the black mask above his nose and threw on his cloak as I waited for him by the door. It didn't seem like it touched him one bit that another man could be interested in me.

"Let's get going." I said, still feeling slightly embarrassed by Kakashi's 'intrigued' comment.

"Right... And Toshi. Thank you for not judging me." He put a hand on my arm, bending slightly forward because of the low ceiling.

I was taken a little aback by the sudden gesture and his close proximity.

"I owe you that much." I said, giving him a small smile back before we left out the door.

**.**

Pewter tankards, clay cups, and iron-banded drinking horns clashed together in the main hut where we sat. Laughter and deep guffaws filled the space with warmth, clearly the mead and wine was starting to put its mark on the mood. I wasn't drinking any alcohol myself, but was stuffing my belly with seal stew and flat bread, having grown sick of salt cod, salt beef and hard cheese. Kakashi was sipping at a cup of mead, but all other around us was drinking heavily as was the custom. Isao, who had been found outside the entrance of the exploded cave, was also drinking heavily, having recovered from a deep wound in his shoulder, which was still healing, but not fatal anymore. His legs, who apparently had been in direct contact with the chakra filled pond, was stronger than ever which he didn't hold back on telling everyone. It wasn't the usual gathering of the close family, but a gathering of different people around the town. Hunters, seamstresses, medics, everyone important to the village no matter their birth. The twins were happily playing flute and drums, men admiring them more than Kakashi. I took it all in, knowing that it would be a long time before I would feel this welcome again.

Kakashi was somewhat silent throughout the night although the twins gave him plenty of attention. I could only guess that he was still under the influence of having his memory of Rin so clearly played in his mind again. He who was always so good at seeming nonchalant and carefree was constantly giving people around him halfhearted smiles and laughs out of politeness. But I was the only one who could see that. Hayate who was also getting drunk became more and more friendly throughout the night. I felt so accepted by him and his family that I kept wondering what would happen if I stayed and if I could fall in love with Hayate the same way I was in love with Kakashi. What I felt for Kakashi had come without thinking about it, so I knew I couldn't force anything with Hayate. My doubts about leaving was constantly shattered whenever I looked at Kakashi and remembered the warm days in Konoha.

_Such a bother. Get over yourself already Toshi. You're a ninja, you'll grow bored here and you know it._

As if he had read my thoughts Hayate popped the question I'd been dreading he would ask me:

"Toshi. I'll miss you when you leave." His blue eyes sparkled bright in the dim light of the fireplace. His large hands covered mine and lifted them as he looked at me.

"Stay in the village for a bit longer. We could use your skills here and my father has really taken a liking to you. I know you would be most welcome."

It was the first time ever I was hit with a massive amount of guilt because of another person. I gaped at him although I had been preparing myself for this question of staying. He looked so hopeful.

"I, uh..." It was the only thing that came out of my mouth. He sensed my hesitation, a flicker of disappointment crossing his eyes.

"I know its a lot to ask but..." He seemed to consider his words "I have never met a girl like you before. You're so unique, your hair color, your eyes, your personality. You are so serene and relaxed, yet you are such a powerful, intimidating woman." He stopped again to wait for my reaction, but honestly I was lost for words.

No one had ever told me that before, at least not in a positive way. Could he really mean that? He looked genuine. But what was I supposed to say back? I had never met anyone like him before, but I was in love with someone else, someone I could put the exact same words to as he had put on me.

"Hayate... I'll miss you too." _God I can't look at those disappointed eyes._

"But you know that we live completely different lives. I could never settle down here." I took my hands out of his, and sighed.

"Come with me outside. Just for a few minutes." He said and got up from his pillow.

I looked at him feeling unsure about the gesture. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be alone with him after these 'confessions', but decided against it as it was Hayate we were talking about.

We snuck out discreetly, and stood outside the hut, the sudden silence pumping in my ears. Hayate gazed up at the dark sky, stars shining down clearly on us.

"Hayate... In these few days I've been here, you have made me feel more than welcome. I've never experienced such a kind treatment before, and frankly sometimes it even scares me. I have a lot of issues that still needs to be solved, but you should know that your warmth has made an impact on me. Somehow my faith in humanity is slightly restored because of you." I admitted. How come it was so easy to share my thoughts with this man?

"And your warmth has reached me too." He said.

His arms were folded casually on his chest and he moved his head to look at me, giving me one of those warm smiles. He knew exactly how to behave around me, turning his body away from me so I didn't feel trapped. Taking up this conversation in the tent with other people around so I didn't feel cornered. It was a shame I couldn't just fall in love with him instead of Kakashi.

"That's the first time I hear anyone say that." I said jokingly.

"That's a shame." He said, unfolding his arms and turning to me. "This is the first time I've been turned down by a girl. Typical that it had to be one I was serious about." He said and smiled sheepishly.

"Well we can't always get what we want." I said thinking about Kakashi.

Hayate's eyes grew serious and his smile faded. There was an intensity to his blue eyes that would've made me blush if it wasn't this cold outside. He stepped a little closer, his breath coming out in white puffs.

"Toshi, any man would be lucky to have you. You should know that. Any man who turns you down is an idiot." He grabbed my hand passionately.

"Thank you, Hayate." His words didn't reach me. They couldn't be true.

"Can I at least... If it's not too much to ask? Can I kiss you?"

Hayate suddenly seemed to tower over me, his robust frame seeming to take up all space. His eyes was so intense I didn't know what to do with myself. It was the first time someone I actually cared about ever seemed interested in me. I didn't loath him, but I wasn't in love with him either. I grew nervous in a way I had never felt before, thinking every possible escape through in my mind. But looking at him I couldn't stand to turn him down. He gave me a sense of comfort and safety that attracted me, but not anywhere near the way I felt about Kakashi.

"I-I guess." I stuttered not knowing what to do with myself.

He moved closer, closing the distance between us. I just stood there, feeling dumb and clueless. He wrapped his arm around my back and pressed me closer, his warmth coming down on me like a fire in the cold. His eyes just kept staring into mine as I let him do whatever needed to be done to do this. My heart hammered through my chest to a point where I started to feel sick. He leaned his forehead against mine and chuckled lightly.

"You look so lost." He said his breath washing over me.

"I haven't... Um." I gulped, completely lost for words.

He chuckled again and brushed his lips against mine. It tickled and strangely felt kind of good. He pressed his lips harder against mine as his other hand traveled up to brush my hair away, his fingers brushing back to my neck. He released my lips shortly and then pressed them against mine again. This time I tried to move mine against his and found that I had to tilt my head slightly to fit better. My before frozen body was starting to move on its own as the kiss curiously continued for a moment. The feel of his soft lips against mine was pleasant as I started to suck on his lips. Hayate pressed me closer and I gasped when I felt the walls of the main hut against my back. I felt him smirk against my lips but still we continued. I had no idea what the hell was going on with my body, but I think I was starting to be, what people call 'turned on'. His hands starting to glide down my body as the kiss started to grow more passionate. There was still some kind of spark missing, despite how good it felt physically. Hayate pressed against me when I felt his warm wet tongue against my lips.

"Hayate." I pulled away, panting from the kiss.

He leaned his forehead against mine with a low groan, his eyes closed. _Well_, this had been nothing like when Isao had kissed me.

"Sorry. Guess I got caught up in the moment." He breathed.

Waves of longing rolled off of him, and I had to concentrate on shutting out the feeling.

"I've wanted to do that for a long time." He said and smirked as he pulled away.

"You're torturing yourself." I commented, still trying to recover from the kiss.

"Like you didn't enjoy it." He said cockily and took my hand to pull me away from the wall.

"Well... It felt better than expected a kiss would feel like." I admitted, hoping my cheeks wasn't too heated.

He laughed abruptly even though I wasn't quite sure why.

"You sound nothing like a deadly ninja warrior right now." He said.

"Shut up! It isn't funny." I snapped and rubbed my arms embarrassed.

"You're cold. Let's go inside again." He said and so we did.

I met Kakashi's eyes as soon as I entered the hut although no one was paying us any attention. I fought the urge to wipe my lips, hoping I didn't look too flustered. A feeling of guilt hit me as soon as I saw him, as if I had somehow betrayed him.

_Nonsense! I should do whatever I want._

But I still couldn't shake that feeling of guilt off. Had I crossed a personal barrier? Was it the right thing to kiss someone I wasn't in love with? As I sat down in front of all of the food I started to brood on my actions. It_ had_ felt good. The mountain of a man, Mamuro gave me a nod and a smile as if he knew what was going on. I shifted uncomfortably and glimpsed up at Hayate who looked pleased with himself with a hint of sadness on top. I sighed deeply and looked over at Kakashi again who sat a few persons away from me, and then to Hayate who sat right beside me, open and unspoiled.

"Toshi dear, try one of my sweet rolls." Hayate's mother propped a plate full of cake looking buns in front of me and smiled sweetly.

"They're really good." Hayate ensured me and took one himself which he took a giant bite of.

"Thank you." I said and took one and studied it, before nipping of it, lost in thought.

The night continued until people started leaving for their homes, and so Kakashi and I followed their example.

"I'm sorry if I ruined your night by bringing back the memory of Rin." I said as soon as we had entered our hut.

"Don't worry about it. It was me who insisted and besides, I live with it every day, so it's nothing I'm not used to." He said and threw his cloak in a corner.

I got the feeling he didn't want to talk about it anymore and decided to drop the subject, against my better will. Sometimes it was as if I could still feel Hayate's lips on mine and wondered how the same kiss would have felt if it was Kakashi. Despite my efforts to push away the thought, it was as if a burning longing erupted on my lips every time. I settled down beside Kakashi, pulling up the blankets I had burrowed as my sleeping bag was lost in the explosion along with my other stuff.

"What did Hayate want to talk to you about?" Kakashi asked suddenly, his hands folded behind his head as he lay in his sleeping bag.

The question caught me a bit off guard. The fact that he showed just a little curiosity towards our disappearance was somehow reassuring. Kakashi had already noticed Hayate's interest in me, he wasn't oblivious to what was going on.

"Um... He asked me to stay. He likes me pretty much." I admitted but deliberately kept out the kissing part. Kakashi scooted more into his sleeping back, and turned to look at me.

"And your answer was?" He asked.

I looked at his figure and that messy hair who was blocking the light of the fireplace, and felt that spark of butterflies. Everything about him was just appealing. Now I understood how Hayate felt about me and how hard it was for him to let go of me. I feared I would have to do that some day with Kakashi.

"No, of course. Although I like the people here." I admitted tiredly.

He nodded thoughtfully:

"Right. Even if you wanted to stay, you couldn't. You're still Konoha property, sorry to say so." He said carefully.

That fact struck a nerve in me. I had almost forgotten the leash Konoha had on me and why I was here in the first place. Having been high on life this evening, this took me right back down in the basement of depression. Kakashi picked up on that immediately.

"Don't worry. I'm sure he'll set you free soon. Even I sometimes forget that you were a prisoner not long ago." He said.

"You think so? Jeez, I forgot how depressing my life actually was back in Konoha." I muttered the last thing and snuggled under the blankets.

Kakashi gave a sigh, his eyes searchingly gazing at me.

"Starting to see your humane side, I wonder how tough this whole change has actually been on you. You are just a girl after all, when it comes down the basics." He said.

"And you're just a boy. I think your life has been tougher than mine." I answered.

I turned to my back when Kakashi's gaze was starting to get too intense and I felt that pull towards him again.

"I'm a man, not a boy." He replied.

I felt myself smile at that and chuckled lightly. There was no arguing when it came down to the subject of a tough life. We both had our share of a life full of hurt and anger. The unsaid truth between us was that we both knew each other's sufferings, and therefore accepted them as they were.

**.**

The whole village was basically gathered at our parting the next morning. Hayate's mother had packed a bag full of tribe clothes for me, consisting of a leather cloak with a fur hoody, hunters leggins and a few tunics and vests. It was more than enough, but she had insisted on me keeping it, although I felt like a savage barbarian woman in the old garbs. Mamuro gave me his infamous bone crushing hug.

"You have really made an impact on my eldest son." He had said, holding me by my shoulders.

"I know that." I had admitted and looked at my shoes in the snow. For some reason the big man always made me feel like a small feeble child.

"He could make you very happy. But I know why you turned him down." Mamuro's presence was so oppressing, his warm gentle eyes staring right into my soul. He glanced over at Kakashi which made me blush. Had he figured me out?

"I know that my girls will never be able to reach a man as complex as him. But maybe you have a chance." He said and smiled as he padded my pocket with the totem.

"Thank you, Mamuro. For everything." I didn't know what else to say, considering the crowded situation.

He nodded at me and gently pushed me along the line of people I had to say goodbye to. Hayate put on a brave face although the tall man was struggling with keeping up a good facade. I could feel the longing and sadness emitting from him, and felt strangely sad at feeling that.

"You can come and visit Hayate." I had told him.

His eyes had lit up by that, and he had agreed enthusiastically. Isao got a handshake. That man would never grow on me. The twins gave me a hug as well, their innocent warmth always melting away the irritation I held for them.

Sleighs had been arranged for us all the way to the harbor due to Kakashi's still weak state. This time I had to sit in the back, supporting Kakashi to minimize any damage on his body. He still had a broken fingers that was recovering, but nevertheless we made it to the harbor in a 6 hours ride with changing of sleighs three times. Two days slow travel across the sea and through the dessert, led us to the warm exotic city of Suna.

The city was familiar with its sand like tall houses and the dry scent of sand. Luckily due to Kakashi's vulnerable state I convinced him to take me to the night market, which everyone had heard stories about ever since they could walk on two legs.

The streets were buzzing with people when we entered the market district. The half-moon sat overhead in a black felt sky, surrounded by stars. A warren of narrow streets stretched out to all sides and stalls with spices, foreign food and colorful clothes stood cramped up along the small streets.

"This is amazing Kakashi." I breathed, taking every impression in with hunger.

Lanterns and lightbulbs in the size if a nose hang across every stall, creating a mess of light that sometimes was so massive that they blocked out the star filled sky. A child like curiosity filled me as we ventured further into the district. I dragged Kakashi along to every stall, my curious mood seeming to affect him even though he had seen the market a dozen of times. Sometimes you could hear music playing over the noise of people, and it mixed with the exotic scents the different stalls offered.

"Why is it they only open at night?" I asked Kakashi while studying a lion figure carved in wood.

"It's too hot in the day time I suppose." He said, his hands burrowed in his pockets.

I enjoyed watching him being so relaxed around me. He seemed genuinely at peace at the moment, although the close proximity of people was a bother to all ninjas.

**Kakashi's POV**

He couldn't remember to ever having felt so at ease in the Suna night market. Toshi who fuzzed about to every stall, tasting, feeling and experiencing all the new things. Sometimes he could forget how innocent she was and how little experience she had in the world. But the fact that she looked at everything with new eyes was invigorating. The light in her eyes and her energized movements... Everything showed him how beautiful she actually was. But to the men who would sometimes turn their heads in her direction she looked nothing like a innocent 19 year old girl. Her long swaying hair and her relaxed cat-like movements, the hips swaying and the soft steps: everything was appealing to a man, yet she had no clue.

He found himself to be one of those guys fascinated with her. But mostly because of this other side of her. Suddenly seeing her so happy and full of life, he couldn't stop staring at her and let himself be dragged along into her world. It was wrong of him to let himself being so caught up in her, but for some reason he was starting to have a hard time with fighting the logical side of himself. _Just for a few days, I'll relax my mind around her_, he had told himself when she had visited him on the last night in village of the land of ice. It was somehow... Satisfying.

"What about some tea of love for the couple, huh?" A man called from a stall.

Toshi almost jumped to his stall, looking at the teas with big curiosity, the couple comment completely ignored. Kakashi followed calmly a thick scent of tea herbs overwhelming his senses.

"What is love tea and how does it work?" Toshi asked the man clad in colorful baggy clothes.

"Ah! I see you are curious then! Love tea is a unique blend of fragrant herbs with fantastic soothing properties! It's a blend of rose, chamomile and lavender, made to warm your heart!" The shop owner exclaimed proudly.

_That was quite a speech_, Kakashi thought, seeing the fascination growing in Toshi's eyes. He immediately felt bad that he hadn't ever taken her to Konoha's market district, just for a fun trip. He had never really taken her anywhere just for the fun of it.

"Really? That's so cool. Do you have anything for strength and health for Kakashi?" She asked, a goofy smile filling her features.

The mentioning of his name snapped him out of his regrets about her and made him focus.

"No, I don't need anything." He said politely and scratched his hair.

"No worries! I have the perfect tea for you! This one with ginger, peppermint, lemon and blackberry will help you heal." The shop owner said.

"Kakashi! Can I burrow some money, please?" She asked him, her eyes growing big like a puppy's.

He looked away, trying not to be too affected by her even though he was realizing it was soon pointless.

"And how do you plan on paying me back?" He heard himself say, that defense mechanism kicking in once again.

She folded her arms over her chest and pouted sullenly like a child.

"I don't know." She muttered.

"What was that?" He asked to tease her.

"I don't know!" She said a bit louder this time and turned to go the next stall.

He chuckled at her behavior and followed her once again.

**Toshi's POV**

Steams of cooking food floated into the air and drifted away in the night. Bohemians and backpackers stood around every stall as I, seeking out the exotic new things. Barbecue cooked snails, fresh juices and teas was to find everywhere. I had Kakashi stand for half an hour to listen to a story teller and after that we watched a snake tamer. It was impossible to go anywhere without being sought out by a seller, and so Kakashi and I stayed close. High on life and intoxicated by the magic of the place I felt those strong pulls towards Kakashi, sometimes wondering how he could not feel that pull too. Sometimes we could stand right up against each other due to the many people, and still Kakashi remained untouched as a cool pillar in the warm, always dragging me down to earth again.

"Maybe we should get something to eat. My treat." I felt Kakashi hot breath in my ear, and closed my eyes subtly at the sensation of goose-bumps that erupted throughout my neck.

"Where?" I asked him, and turned slightly to look up at him.

He was so close I could feel his breath coming down on me. He had that strange warm look on his eyes, finally showing that he was affected by the mood and strangeness of the place. It was no wonder. Every sense was strongly manipulated by the smells, sights and sounds. _Wonder how it would feel to kiss him._

The thought surprised me so much I had to look away. He was so damned tempting when he looked at me that way. I bit my lip and looked at all the stalls around us, the warmth of his chest coming down on my like a drug.

"We should split up and look for at good place and meet here again in fifteen minutes."

His voice took me back to the matter at hand and I exhaled, realizing I had been holding my breath.

"Right, fifteen minutes." I nodded and started walking as soon as he had agreed. I had to get away from the situation.

It was a slight relief to have some space between us, so I wandered the streets in thought. There was so many amazing places I had never visited before, and it was a true shame. I liked this place right now, just as much as I had enjoyed staying in the rough village in the land of ice. This city was so full of life in a whole other way. If I had grown up here, how would I have turned out?

Stopping in my ponder I noticed a few people disappear through a door in one of the sand-like buildings and followed them to peep inside. A colorful restaurant opened itself to me and the sounds of music and raucous laughter drifted out and floated into the street. People were sitting on colorful cushions with spicey food and hookah's, giving the place a scent of apple tobacco. I stood in the door frame, feeling like I was looking into another world of laughter and happiness. In the middle of the restaurant was a big opening in the ceiling, like a small yard where people danced around a large fire, to the rhythm of the wild drums.

"I see you found a place." Kakashi said, and I whirled around to see him stand behind me.

"This place looks so cozy!" I said, clapping my hands together enthusiastically, almost forgetting who I was.

"Let's go inside then." He said and moved around me, his whole figure turning red in the strange light inside.

I watched him trudge inside calmly and moving his head to take in the view of the colorful ceiling and floor. Then he looked at me and I jerked, realizing I had been staring at him instead of following. Could I really be like this? So happy and carefree? It felt strangely good.

We were seated by a small table on the floor. The settings was completely opposite of the land of ice, so as we waited for our food I just stared at the place and people smoking and eating. The people dancing around the fire, black haired girls with thick hair, moving wildly about the fire, jumping and floating gracefully from side to side, twirling around and moving their hips. I admired them and felt a little jealous at the same time. I could never dance so freely like that. At least I could never imagine myself do that.

"Toshi." Kakashi leaned into my ear once again, and I had to repress the shivers.

He had picked a perfect timing as the drums stopped as an odd shrill violin-like instrument played as the run op for the next song. I turned to look at him, sitting there, relaxed as I had never seen him before on big pillows.

"This is for you." He said.

At first I was a little confused, but then looked down to see him holding a small bag of wool with gold embroideries. My eyebrows furrowed confused, my suspicious mind immediately thinking it was a joke.

"For me?" I asked him hesitantly.

"That's what I just said." He answered and held the bag up further, starting to look uncomfortable himself.

"T-thanks..." I took the bag trying my best not to blush.

To think he had bought something for me. It was quite a big thing in my world since, well, nobody had ever bought me anything before.

"It's no big deal." He said, but wasn't very convincing at that when he looked away and scratched the bag of his head as he often did when he was uncomfortable.

But his eyes showed something else. They weren't nonchalant, but still held that warmth and confidence that had been attracting me so much lately. I opened the bag and stuck my hand inside to fish up a another bag.

"Tea of health." I read out loud and immediately recognized it. "You bought the health tea from the guy we met a few hours ago!" I exclaimed happily.

In my ecstatic state of mind I attacked him in a hug. Since we had already overstepped a few boundaries on this trip I didn't see any wrong in it, as long as we were here and not back in Konoha.

"It's just tea, idiot." He said in a friendly manner and returned the hug with one arm.

I pulled away and looked at the bag. I couldn't deny that after visiting this place a strange fascinating for herbs and their properties was starting to grow in me, and the fact that I could get some of it home with me, made me jump for joy.

"Maybe, but no one has ever bought anything for me before." I said and took a sniff at the bag.

Kakashi's eyes widened the slightest at what I said and then that look full of thought was back on him.

"About time then wasn't it? You deserve it." He said like he was telling me something humiliating.

_I don't deserve anything_, was my first thought but then again, Hayate had also said some kind words to me. Was people starting to acknowledge me or was it me who had changed so much? I didn't want to ruin the good mood by telling Kakashi I didn't deserve his gift.

"Thank you." I said half heartdely and looked at the people around us and the women dancing.

Poets were drumming again and smoke swirled up and died, the lamps lighting up peoples faces dimly. A woman sang beautifully, her voice creating an air of mystery.

_The stories are woven_  
_And fortunes are told_  
_The truth is measured by the weight of your gold_  
_The magic lies scattered_  
_On rugs on the ground_  
_Faith is conjured in the night market's sound_

Kakashi and I had our share of exotic foods as there was no limit to how much we ordered. It was the first time I had seen Kakashi just order whatever he wanted with no limit. We enjoyed each other's company while watching the dancers and singers, and spoke a few words now and then. It wasn't until a tall woman came to our table I realized she wanted to have me dance with her. At first I was just dumb-founded, still stuffing my mouth with food, but realized as she held out her hand, that she wanted me to join the dance around the fireplace. Suddenly much self aware, my mind came up with countless reasons not to go. One being that I was wearing primitive clothed from the village and the other was I had no idea how to dance. I had thought maybe she wanted to ask Kakashi out, so I looked at him at first, before he mentioned for me to go with her, a teasing glimpse evident on both his and her eyes.

Yet, I stupidly took her hand and let her guide me to the fire. I took everything about her in and wondered why she wanted to dance with a girl. She was tall and had dark thick curls all the way down to her lower back. Her breast was large as well as her behind, but her waist was tiny in comparison. She was wearing a short loose skirt with bells that danced around her bottom whenever she took a step, and you could see some of her flat glistening stomach.

"Show him you can dance!" She said to me, and dragged me into the circle of dancing people.

"What?" I asked still taken aback by the situation.

"Show him your freedom. Show him your spirit." She said and took both my hands, jumping and moving in a rhythm to the drums.

"Show who?" I asked, still feeling completely empty headed.

Honestly I had no clue about what to do, and felt stupid just standing there with an unruly girl I didn't know, in my hands.

"Show the guy you're here with." She said and smiled, and spun around under my hands.

"No.. No, you don't.." A bit my lip. It was impossible to talk to this girl.

She just kept smiling at me, her hair flying wildly around her head to the merry music. Her hands clapped along with the music as most of the dancers did. Everyone was humming along the songs merily.

"Move your feet like this." She said and started to jump from one foot to the other a bit slower.

I looked at her as if she as kidding me, but she gave no such hint. With a sigh I started to follow her directions thinking Kakashi probably was laughing his ass off at that moment. Slowly but gradually I started to get a hang of the steps she took. As the moments went by I grew more comfortable and, who would guess, I started smiling.

"Yes good!" She complimented and picked up her pace, singing along with the song.

_If a man lose everything he owns _  
_ Has he truly lost his worth? _  
_ Or is it the beginning _  
_ Of a new and brighter birth? _

_ So how do you measure the worth of a man _  
_ In wealth or strength or size? _  
_ In how much he gained or how much he gave? _  
_ The answer will come _  
_ The answer will come to him who tries _  
_ To look at his life through heaven's eyes_

It felt good somehow, to just move around to the rythm like everyone else did, like a unison of rhythms we all followed:

_And that's why we share all we have with you _  
_ Though there's little to be found _  
_ When all you've got is nothing _  
_ There's a lot to go around _

_ No life can escape being blown about _  
_ By the winds of change and chance _  
_ And though you never know all the steps _  
_ You must learn to join the dance _  
_ You must learn to join the dance_

.

"Every man is looking at you. Because they can see that you are free." She yelled to me, in the mist of the dance.

It wasn't true though, but the meaning was appreciated. It struck me deeply at that moment that I was enjoying myself, that I did feel free and I suddenly understood the meaning of being free in the heart, no matter who tied you. Konoha could hold me prisoner, but they could never take away my spirit or my freedom at heart.

I thanked the girl many times after our dance, and returned to Kakashi with a new found strength, and also with a slight feel of embarrassment.

"I thought you were going to quit as soon as she started teaching you." Kakashi said.

"It was actually quite fun. You should try it." I said and sat down beside him.

"I tried once a long time ago. I'm more a slow dancer if anything." He said and chuckled at me. "But you looked..." He choose his words carefully "You looked good up there. Once you got the hang of it." He said.

This time there was no fighting the blush. The thought of Kakashi looking at me dancing around the way I saw those other women, was simply embarrassing. I couldn't possibly look good the way those other women did.

We made our way to the outskirts of the city and hour later, the night heat of the market starting to fade, leaving a feel of quiet tranquility. Kakashi put his arm around my shoulder in a friendly manner, startling me the slightest.

"It's been a long time since I've enjoyed myself so much. Thank you Toshi." He said and squeezed me into his side.

"I don't think I've had such a good time!" I said enthusiastically, once again fighting that attraction I felt towards him.

We were so relaxed, so open with each other that I wished I could be in this moment forever. Friends, I thought and was in no doubt. We were friends now. Not just mentor and pupil, but friends who could have a good time, and count on each other and regard each other's sufferings.

The night was strangely peaceful now. The half-moon still stood high in the sky. Off in the distance a dog was howling. A horse whickered nervously. There was no other sounds. I was glad to be here, glad to be alive.

**.**

A deep rumbling echoed through the sky from far away. Warm rain was pouring down on them on a windless day, the last few minutes before they were in Konoha. The broad path opened up to the large gates. Their shoes, _splish splush_, as they walked with all their heavy stuff hanging on their backs. The journey had been hard indeed but nothing, compared to other missions. Kakashi tilted his head towards the sky, enjoying the soft rain after having spent the day in the dessert and in Suna. Toshi stopped and did the same, and he marveled for a second at her relaxed expression and her drooping hair. There was a spicy moist sent to the landscape and he took in a deep breath, filling his lungs with the fresh scent. He could hear birds starting to sing, the murmur of crickets, leaves rustling in a gentle wind.

Their mission was at an end and so, he knew, were the closeness between. Despite how sinfully good it felt to be around her, he had to let her go to let her start a life independent from him. He'd never imagined himself to be so close to another girl again, despite their difference in age. A beautiful girl like Toshi would quickly find a younger guy to get attached to, so he told himself, even though the thought irritated him to no end.

Here they stood at the end of where it all began, ironic as it may be. Toshi who seemed to have been watching him smiled gently when he met her eyes in silence. She looked startled as her eyes averted to something behind him, and she grabbed her throat instinctively. He turned to look at a tree that had once lost the bark on one side, but was now prospering again. He realized then that it was the tree who had caused the massive wound to her back a long time ago. He had held her up by her throat, listening to the hitching of her breath and watching her scared eyes as it dawned on her that she may die at that time. He looked back at her again, seeing that she had recalled that memory, and felt a hollow shiver go through him. She averted her hands away when she realized her reflex and scratched the back of her head sheepishly.

"I never apologized for that time." He said in all honesty and pointed to the tree. A slight guild consumed him along with some anger for ever having treated her like that.

She looked vulnerable for a second, but then changed to a more neutral facade which hid her actual emotions.

"It's alright. I deserved it." She said, seeming to shrug the memory off.

"No it's not alright. Those scars on your back will always be there, only because I felt powerless and didn't know what else to do." He said, suddenly not knowing where all this came from.

He didn't like that side of himself. The former ANBU black ops captain who had been cold and ruthless in battle after the death of so many of his loved ones. It was a side he was trying to get rid of after retiring, but it came so easily to him that he sometimes wondered if it was enough to retire to teachings to find the human side of himself again.

"Well, it was the right thing, or I would've never come with you. I'm glad for everything that has happened to me, even the tough parts." She said, this time flashing him a more sincere smile.

He liked those smiles and would come to miss them when she would get mad at him for distancing himself from her. It would come, he knew, but it was necessary. He narrowed his eyes, not knowing what to say. Nothing she said could ever take away the feeling of guilt he felt. It was one of the reasons why formin

lose relationships was a no go. As if he didn't carry enough guilt from killing Rin and leaving Obito behind. Right, he would have to visit the memorial stone when he had the time.

"Are you alright?" He looked up at Toshi, not realizing he had been staring ahead at the gates.

"I'm fine." He forced a smile "I was just recalling an old memory."

Her eyes pierced him suspiciously without faltering as if she saw right through the smile and directly into his memories. He moved forward uncomfortably, shrugging off the chills she gave him. She knows me too well.

**Toshi's POV**

Pushing the subject further wouldn't benefit anyone. Even though he usually was very stoic and in control, I could only imagine how he could go on a merciless rampage when provoked enough, and I think that was what had happened that day. Kakashi had been awfully silent ever since we found the main road to Konoha, and even though I enjoyed the silence between us at times, this silence was somehow unsettling. It was embarrassing to be caught in the memory of one of our first encounters, and I had taken my hands away as soon as I saw the sickening look on his face.

But I was glad to finally be back home again, and hadn't enjoyed rain as much as I did this day. I was glad to be alive, glad to be here, glad to have a home.

Through the predawn gloom the city walls shimmered palely. On their tops, wisps of fog moved like ghostly sentinels. The green doors stood wide open welcoming us in the misty rain.

"It's so nice to be home! Can't believe we were gone for two weeks." I said cheerfully, unable to hold back my excitement.

"Agreed. A nice warm bed is appreciated." He said as the gates towered above us.

"Heey!"

A voice called from the office shelter of the entrance, clouded in the morning mists.

"Hey there." Kakashi called back and we both walked to two figures sitting under the roof.

I recognized Genma, looking tired from the morning shift, but didn't know the other guy sitting beside him as I had only seen him around on a few occasions and remembered his face and the scar that marked his cheek and nose.

"Kakashi, Toshi. Welcome back!" Genma smiled that crooked smile, a straw sticking out of his mouth.

"Thank you Genma." Kakashi said and then nodded to the man beside him "Raidou."

Raidou who had been watching me, muttered a 'hey' and yawned tiredly.

"You two have been gone for a while haven't you?" Genma asked while stirring his cup of coffee in his hand.

"Yeah." Kakashi sounded relieved and satisfied, ready to jump right to bed, but I wondered if that was really his true state of mind, "Two weeks, all the way to the land of ice. It was quite a trip. Toshi hurt her shoulder. It's all green and blue. Looks kind of funny."

He was back at being the casual relaxed Kakashi I'd gotten to know in my time in Konoha and even though I liked that side of him, it also made me all the more suspicious to his actual state of mind. If there was one thing on this trip I had learned it was that he was good at hiding his true nature.

"It's true. We had quite a rough time." _and I saved your sorry ass Kakashi_. I flashed a tired smile at Genma.

I knew which buttons to push on Kakashi, and right now I didn't want to hurt his pride more than I had on this trip. His image in the village was a lot more different from the Kakashi I'd gotten to know.

Genma looked slightly uncomfortable at my smile and if I wasn't mistaking he suddenly looked much more morning fresh than before.

"Care to show us?" Raidou asked a massive grin plastered on his face.

Genma gave him a dope-slap across the neck, muttering something about manners. Kakashi chuckled awkwardly while scratching his neck and I myself stood slightly dumb-founded and looked at the three. It was just an ugly yellow shoulder, what was the fuzz about?

"Well, see you guys around." Kakashi said and turned to leave.

"Maybe you two will join us for a cup of sake tomorrow? Right, Toshi?" Genma called after we had gone a few feet.

I tensed at the inquiry. I had happily forgotten my incident with sake before we left for this mission, and Genma had been there, now to remind me of that.

"Goodnight Genma." Kakashi waved at them without turning around.

I looked over my shoulder at the two under the shelter, wondering if I should say anything. After having spent so much time with Mamuro's family and friends, I had suddenly discovered a new and more sociable side of myself.

It was odd being back in Konoha. We were walking down the empty streets, both silently enjoying the safety of the city walls. The sky turned a cobalt blue from horizon to zenith, and behind the line of low hills to the east a glow could be seen, pale gold and oyster pink. The city was silent and every brick became red and yellow and blue and orange.

"Nothing has changed." I pondered out loud, enjoying the peaceful view of small houses and sand streets.

"Mm. Nothing can beat the feeling of being back home after a rough mission." Kakashi said and sighed deeply "So full of memories." He added in a mutter.

It was true though. Although I hadn't lived in Konoha for long, the place was still full of memories, good as well as bad. At my low point in the ice cave I could only remember the good things about Konoha, every little detail I secretly enjoyed but took for granted.

We arrived soon at Kakashi's apartment, the old square of a grey building standing untouched. Inside, his apartment remained as always and the scent of his place took me back to warm days of training. Dust particles flew lazily in the morning glow, nothing changed in the two weeks we had been gone. I threw my backpack on the floor and unplugged the heavy scroll we had found on our way to the land of ice.

"I really need someplace safe for this." I muttered as Kakashi went to open a the window.

"You need to learn how to make your own scrolls so you can always summon it if needed." Kakashi said, leaning lazily out the window, peeping at the street bellow.

"Right." I nodded and put my hands on my hips after having placed the scroll against the wall.

"We need to be at the hokages office at nine so you have about two hours to take a nap if that is what you want." Kakashi said.

A light breeze brushed through the window, making his hair blow like waves. It brought in all the scents of Konoha and I closed my eyes to inhale. Sand, trees, people, dew, flowers and Kakashi's pine like scent. God it was good to be back.

"What about you?" I asked casually and started to dig through some of my clean underwear stuffed inside the unused shelves by his door.

"I'm going to fill in the report and hopefully I can catch up on some sleep after that." He yawned and moved away from the window, scratching his head tiredly.

"Right. I'm going to take a much deserved shower!" I answered.

Even though he seemed lazy and indifferent most of the time, he was truly a work-aholic. _There_! I pulled out the desired underwear, and then started to look for a shampoo. My spare clothes burrowed from the village and my dirty underwear was randomly stuffed into Kakashi's bag so I pulled most of it out

"Jeez this is a mess." I muttered to myself, sitting in squad to dig out everything from the only surviving bag from our trip. When I looked up, Kakashi was looking at me.

"What?" I asked, caught in the moment of digging out a pair of trousers which I could now see in the depths of the bag.

"You really feel at home here, don't you?" He said, sitting by his desk a warm and somewhat sad look filling his eye.

"Finally!" I pulled out the the trousers and got up "Yeah, I mean this is more of a home than any other place I've lingered by for a longer period of time."

A halfhearted smile reached his eyes and he nodded at me. I stared at him suspiciously. What was that about? I grabbed a clean towel as he went back to his report and went to the bathroom to take a shower, leaving the apartment with a strange feeling.

The hot water dampened the air as I turned on the shower, and the silence of the bathroom made me suddenly realize how exhausted I was. This trip had really changed me. Goosebumps trickled all over my body as the warm sensation of water washed over me, washing away the mission like it was years ago. I washed my hair in shampoo, wondering when it had gotten so long. After, I leaned against the wall and let the water spray me and allowed myself to space out, disregarding my worries about the future and allowing the memories of the mission to sink in.

_Rin..._

I looked at my right hand, seeing her scared face on the back of my eyelids, when Kakashi had killed her. It was a horrible memory. I wondered why he wasn't suffering more from any kind of post traumatic stress.

_He's hiding it all_...

Everything about his personality made more sense now that I knew him better.

_Knock knock_. I jerked when someone knocked at the door and almost tripped when I looked up. There was nothing worse than getting surprised when vulnerable and naked!

"Who's in there!? We are other in this building who needs to use the shower!" an old and raspy voice called.

I'd almost forgotten the old angry lady down the hallway, who always seemed to claim the shower whenever someone else was using it for too long.

"I'll be out soon enough gramps!" I growled, and old irritation starting to surface in me.

"Good!" She shouted and I flinched when she knocked hard at the door one time.

"Jeez, that old lady" I muttered and reassumed my position against the wall in the shower.

This time I couldn't make room for the mission. I couldn't figure out what to do about my feelings for Kakashi. How did I get rid of them? How did people make other people like them in that way? Did I even stand a chance or was this a lost course?

_Knock knock_. I jerked again, knocking the shampoo bottle down to the floor. Couldn't I be alone for a few minutes? Was that too much to ask?! A fierce irritation spread throughout my body as I shouted:

"Still occupied gramps!"

_Knock knock_. I grit my teeth as the knocking continued and stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel violently, tying it neatly above my breast and stomped to the door, flinging it open with all my temper.

"I swear if you-" I almost bit my tongue when I saw Kakashi standing in front of me.

I think I went red all the way from toe to head in embarrassment as he stood there looking at me dumb-founded. I skidded backwards when he took a step forward and into the bathroom, his eyes fixated stubbornly on me.

"Toshi." Kakashi held out his hand like he was going to explain something but seemed to hesitate.

I held the towel close to make sure it wouldn't fall down, praying with everything in me that Kakashi would leave. I felt so vulnerable, standing trapped in the bathroom with him, that I was completely lost for words of the intrusion.

"I... um." His eyes fell down my body and suddenly he tensed.

I must've looked very uncomfortable cause he cleared his throat, a slight pink starting to paint his cheeks and he backed away. What was is up with him?

"I was just worried. You've been in here for quite some time now." he said, putting on his casual facade again.

"Jeez, you scared me!" I breathed.

"Sorry." He scratched his hair still fixated intensely at me.

Well, this was awkward... An unbearable silence fell between us, the shower still running in the background. There was an edge to his stare which left a strange impression on me.

"Sooo..." I held my hand out, mentioning for him to get all the way out of the bathroom.

"Right. I'm going back." He said and glanced around the shower forlornly.

"Thank you!" I said giving him an annoyed smile, raising my eyebrows at his odd behavior.

He turned around awkwardly, stuffing his hands into his pockets before leaving silently. As soon as the door was closed and locked I breathed out heavily and leaned against the door. What the heck was that!? I wondered if he asked himself that question right now.

The mirror in front of me showed a bewildered girl with damp tangled hair and red cheeks. I took a hand to my cheeks feeling the heat of them. How could he make me fall speechless like that? When I saw myself I looked like someone who had just been kissed by the love of her life for her first time. _Embarrassing... Just embarrassing_. Apparently being in love with someone meant that you became a weak speechless wreck of a girl. I didn't know if my pride could take such intensity from him again.

I brushed my hair through and dried it with the towel and put on the clean underwear along with the standard marine blue sweatshirt- and trousers. It was some of the only clothes I owned besides a few tank-tops and my old clothes.

A red and white bear mask looked up at me as I entered the apartment. An ANBU black ops sat in squad in Kakashi's windowsill a scroll of paper in his hands.

"I trust you will deliver this to The Lord hokage." Kakashi said.

The ANBUs always gave me a strange impression. They were so anonymous and carried so many secrets that I suppose that was what made me uncertain around them. I knew that Kakashi had been ANBU captain, and had been in the service probably since he was kid. I felt the eyes of the masked man rest on me for a moment before nodding and disappearing.

"Was that the report?" I asked.

"Yeah. All done." He answered.

I nodded and hung op the wet towel, not able to rid myself of that awkward feeling from before. My futon was still on the floor, the sheets ruffled as if I'd gotten up this morning. Deciding that it would be a waste to go to sleep for one hour, I started sorting the clothes I'd borrowed from the tribe twins.

Dumb-founded I at looked at Kakashi when my stomach growled loudly. He was making his way to the shower and was almost out of the door, and we both agreed to go out for breakfast before going to the hokages office.

**.**

"Maaan I've missed the food here." I stated, slumping in to a chair as we waited outside the hokages office.

"Agreed." Kakashi answered, leaning against a wall.

We had been waiting for about ten minutes and with bellies full of food, we were both starting to feel the sleep depravation. Kakashi yawned lazily and it rubbed off on me.

"You two." I looked lazily to the left and saw The Lord hokage with a cup of tea in his hand, looking morning tired. He was making his way down the hallways, and opened the door to his office and nodded for us to follow.

"I read your rapport Kakashi, seems that this gathering of chakra was buried away in the explosion. I'm sorry you didn't get to collect more information." The old hokage said after he had sat down by his desk.

"As explained the whole place collapsed." Kakashi answered.

I stood silently by as I always did, trying my best to keep my tongue in place. I could still not help to feel a slight recent towards he hokage. The man was strict and didn't tolerate any mistakes from my side. But at least he listened to Kakashi. They went way back I could tell.

"Yes yes." the hokage muttered and took a sip from his tea. "And Toshi?"

He startled me by mentioning my name as his eyes met mine. I felt my eyes widen a bit and bit my lip nervously. What could he want to say?

"I can understand that you saved Kakashi's life in the explosion, and-" the hokage looked at down at the papers and started to read out loud "You portrayed exceptional teamwork and ninjutsu skill." He looked up again "And also you seem to have matured a lot and was very liked among the natives."

I looked over at Kakashi completely taken aback by the kind words he had written in the report. He glanced at me a smile evident in the curve by his eye.

"Um... Thank you. Lord hokage." I stuttered and bowed slightly, remembering the manners I'd been taught.

"No, thank you. It seems I was right about you." He said and nodded in approval.

I struck me that in the very end, it was the hokage who had allowed me to train with Kakashi and who had allowed this for me to happen. It wasn't Kakashi who had any faith in me from the beginning, but the hokage, who had assigned Kakashi to take care of me.

"As a reward for your hard work you can now purchase or rent home here in the city." the hokage started searching some papers through. "Here's your official papers of citizenship, the code to your bank-account and your confirmation of active duty as a ninja." He pushed the papers forth on his desk, and I went hesitantly to pick them up.

_This means I'm not going to live with Kakashi anymore. I have to move out_... The thought made me sad and excited at the same time. Even when I looked at Kakashi he looked slightly startled at the generosity of the hokage.

"Kakashi you're relieved from watching her anymore." the hokage said.

I stared at the papers in disbelief. Now Kakashi had no reason to be around me except for the friendship we had build up. Would it last, I wondered in fear. I couldn't see how it could not.

"I have another mission for you Kakashi and I want you to leave tonight. It's urgent." The hokage said.

I looked up at the sudden change of subject and stepped back as the hokage handed Kakashi a scroll.

"Right." Kakashi nodded without any complaints.

"But Kakashi your fingers are still broken." I said, taken aback by the sudden mission.

He sent me a look that told me to hold my tongue. I had happily forgotten that the Kakashi I had experienced on the mission wasn't the same when he was in Konoha. Here he was the former ANBU captain and leader of team seven, nonchalant, relaxed at times and sometimes lacking of any emotions. Here he had an authority which he had put on the shelves when we had been on this mission.

"That wont be a problem. I'll have them looked at before I leave." He reassured the hokage more than me.

"Good. You can both leave now." the hokage said, immediately starting to dig through the piles of paperwork stacked on his desk.

"Congratulations Toshi." He said and put a hand on my shoulder in a friendly manner as soon as the door the hokages office was closed.

"Thank you." I said half heartedly and looked at the papers.

"This is quite overwhelming." I added, feeling a surge of mixed emotions run through me.

"It's good news indeed! Now you can build everything from the start and up. You don't have to sleep on the floor anymore." He said.

He looked genuine, but I didn't feel as happy as he looked like. Maybe he really was glad that I was moving out so he could have his private life back again.

"You're right about that." I said, cocking an eyebrow.

"You should visit your bank soon to check up on how much money you have earned." He said "I'll go the hospital to get my fingers healed." he added.

"Right." I tried to sound enthusiastic but wasn't sure I was very convincing.

**.**

"Bank of the hidden leaf." I read out loud as I looked at my parchment of paper.

I had never been to a bank before, let alone had any account, so I was pretty clueless about what to do. I walked inside hesitantly and looked around the line of people that were waiting to be helped. I followed their example and waited in line for about ten minutes before a squinty eyed man with glasses looked at me, waiting for instructions.

"Um..." I moved forward in the line and went to the hole in the wall, not really knowing what to do.

"Can I help you?" He asked, his tiny eyes not wavering in any way.

"I just wanted to know how much money as saved in my account." I said holding up the piece of paper to look it through.

"Name?" He asked.

"Toshi Setsuko." I answered

"Password?" He asked.

"Uh.. 8j5j63rf94." I read out loud.

"This is your first time visiting the bank." He stated and handed me yet another piece of paper.

"Please sign this piece of paper and choose a personal password."

_Wow, this guy is a like a robot_, I thought and looked the paper through.

Password: Eiennohonou1

Confirm password: Eiennohonou1

Signature: Toshi Setsuko

"Here." I pushed the paper back, thinking that my signature looked like a six year old boy's handwriting

The thin man looked my paper through with a cocked eyebrow and nodded affirmatively, and printed something out on a small peace of paper.

"Here's your current balance."

I almost hitched when I saw the number on the small piece of paper. 38332,5 ryo it said. Adding that this was my money after taxes I felt completely speechless. With this I could effort to pay the deposit of a rented apartment and even redecorate the whole place. Not only that but I could buy so much food and herbs. Had the hokage been giving me money for my time spent here, or was it just the long missions I had been on? Or was this just to insure my loyalty?

"Excuse me miss, do you want to draw any money out of the bank?" The man cleared his throat annoyed as I had been staring at the number.

"Oh... sorry. Yes, I would like to draw 1000 ryo thanks." I said and stuffed the parchment down in my pocket.

"One minute." He muttered and disappeared muttering some incoherent words.

**.**

I stood in the streets, having realized I didn't have a wallet. I had to stuff my pockets with money instead and the sudden freedom was still overwhelming me a bit. Kakashi wasn't there to follow around, I could go wherever I wanted. All this money was burning in my pockets so I decided to head for the market district to look at the possibilities.

_Definitely going to buy a wallet_, I thought. But going to the marked district with all this money was a mistake. It wasn't the same as in Suna, but still the temptations was all around. Sweets, herbs, food, decorative objects, everything was there ready to be bought with my money. I was so lucky as to run into Naruto, who at first wasn't very comfortable with meeting me. Whether he was up to some prank I didn't know, but he ended up following me around showing me his favorite stalls. I bought a small bag of a wallet in a soft fabric that was blue and light blue.

"Toshi, where's Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked all of a sudden.

"I think he's at the hospital. He broke a few fingers on our mission." I said casually, trying to hide the fact that I felt weird about being away from him.

"Isn't he supposed to watch you?" Naruto asked, his eyes appearing as small lines as he looked dumb-founded at me.

"I've been doing so well that I don't need anyone to look after me anymore." I said confidently and flashed the blonde kid a smile.

"Really?! Awesome!" The kid shouted and smiled brightly up at me.

"Really!" I said and high-fived him, hoping I seemed convincing.

"Hey what about some ramen? My treat!" I said, feeling Naruto's enthusiasm for my position was rubbing off on me.

The little guy had a way making life seem to simple. Just treating him ramen put me high in his opinion. Maybe it wasn't that bad that I had to move out. I could show Kakashi that I could be independent too and create my own home and make new friends. I already had a friend in Naruto, or so I felt like. But Kakashi and I were friends too, there was no way we could fall apart.

So at least I thought.

Kakashi returned from the hospital at eight o'clock when I was already home, reading a tiny book Naruto had convinced me to buy. It was a child's story about a ninja hero, but quite okay nonetheless.

I sensed something was up immediately and put the book aside as the silver haired man walked into the apartment. It was a strange sensation he gave off, like something was pressing on his mind but he didn't want to show it. His casual demeanor was up as he trudged inside and threw his shoes off. As it had in the past few weeks been so normal for us to be in the same room, I suddenly didn't feel welcome anymore.

"That was a long visit. Did you catch any sleep?" I had to say something to break the ice.

"Yeah I did and my fingers are ok now." He said and pulled out his backpack from under the bed.

"Oh, good." I answered strangely.

"So did you check your bank account?" He asked casually and started finding clothes for his next mission.

"Yeah I did! Seriously, my amount of money is almost too much. I can't imagine how many money you must have. I met Naruto too, he showed me around the market district, it was really great!" I said, wanting to tell him every detail of all the impressions.

"That's good to hear..." He glanced back at me, this time his eyes holding a kind of cold sadness to them.

"So..." He said, seeming to search for his words, he stopped and folded a shirt in his hands and turned to me, his eyes having grown emotionless.

A slight panic took hold of me at seeing him like that. What could possibly be on his mind?

"Can I expect you to be out when I return home?" He asked, his voice carefully neutral.

It was like being slapped with a cold hand. I looked at him slightly taken aback by the sudden change in mood, and his sudden so cold way of saying it. I thought we were over hiding such small emotions as showing just a little bit of sadness about moving out, when we had been so open with each other on the last mission. A swirl of emotions whirled up in me, and the old Toshi came back to the rescue and suppressed them all into a cold emotionless facade, as his. Kakashi's eyes squinted briefly when he saw the change in me.

"How long is the mission?" I asked calmly.

"Approximately three days." He answered just the same.

It was like a thick wall was suddenly placed between us, and his indifference towards our parting hurt me so deeply that I had to keep up the facade in order to survive it. Three days wasn't much to find a new apartment in, he knew that. I wanted to argue, wanted to scold him for being so cold, but I clenched my jaw instead. It wasn't like him to be so cold, especially not to his friends. He had always had at least a pleasant tone to his nonchalant behavior, but this was just down right cold.

"I'll be out by then." I answered coldly.

"Good." He nodded and continued packing again.

The tension between us had grown thick and awkward. I pretended to continue reading my book, but couldn't in any way focus on it. Why did Kakashi have to make that conversation so uncomfortable? His approach was completely off. I wondered if it was because he had a hard time with parting too and couldn't express it in other ways. Before I knew of it I had been brooding for so long that Kakashi was ready to leave.

"Right. I'm off. Take good care of yourself Toshi." He said, seeming to force a smile to his eyes.

"You too." I answered silently.

He crouched in the window sill and glanced back at me before he disappeared into the dark night. I sat for a moment in complete silence, the wind sighing in through the window, feeling the loneliness sinking in on me. It made me furious. I wanted to smash something badly. I wanted to scream at him, scold him, beat him. Maybe the old Toshi would've done that, but I couldn't get myself to run on a rampage. I rushed up from his bed, and fiercely pulled out a another backpack and started packing every single belonging of mine together. I wasn't going to stay a minute more in this apartment if he wanted me out that badly. Maybe I was baldy bruised, but I wasn't broken. I would find another place to live, I would rise. I didn't need him to be happy, I knew that now.

At ten I walked into the night streets of Konoha, after having packed the few things I owned. My burning temper had settled into a hollow pit after having calmed down, and now I just needed to find a place to live. I knew I would have to wait until morning before going hunting, but at least I was out of that horrible apartment now.

I found a tree with a thick branch I settled onto it for the night. Sleeping outside was no biggie as I had done that my whole life. I looked up at the moon and the stars. It reminded me of the days back in my old town Nanae. That hollow pit I had learned to live with and couldn't feel, I was now able to feel again. But other memories interfered too. Memories of sleeping outside in Suna with Kakashi by my side, happy memories of spending time by the fire in Kakashi's arms... I pushed the feeling away when my eyes started watering. What was wrong with him?! Did he still push people away from him? Even me, one that knew the reason why he did it?! I couldn't believe him.

It wasn't long before sleep caught up on me after having spent the whole night walking to Konoha, and then using the day in the market district. It came heavily and dreamlessly.

The next day I woke up early and went to the market district to catch the newspaper in search of available apartments. There weren't much fit for a ninja, and some apartments was too expensive in my opinion. The location didn't mean much to me so I visited a few places. Most didn't want a ninja living in their building, some even went as far as to say that they didn't want anyone who had been in prison. Some had a lot of applications for ninjas, where I wasn't lucky enough to make the cut. It was hard and lonely work to find an apartment myself, so in the late morning I took a nap at a nearby tree to see if it could help my mood.

A warm presence infiltrated my sleep in the afternoon. It wasn't before I opened my eyes tiredly that I saw a pair of dark brown eyes staring into mine, bushy black brows frowning down on top of them.

"Awake I see."

I jerked at his voice and pressed myself immediately up against the trunk of the tree.

"And what, if I may ask, is the young Toshi doing out here sleeping?" Gai asked me and straightened himself with a satisfied smirk.

It took a moment for me to collect myself thinking about the past events that had happened the night before.

"Speechless I see. Well that's no wonder when you're in the presence of Konoha's green beast." He said again, balancing perfectly on the branch I had been sleeping on.

"Gai?" I said, taking a feel of his name on my tongue. I had almost forgotten about the hyperactive guy.

"Ah! You remember my name! I'm glad!" He said enthusiastically.

"Gai-sensei! Is she awake?!"

I looked down to see... Well, Gai junior, who looked just as happy and full of life as his sensei did.

"Who's that?" I asked still dumb-founded about the whole situation.

"Lee! It's impolite not to introduce yourself!" Gai called to the kid.

"S-sorry! I'm Rock Lee, nice to meet you Miss Toshi!" He yelled and waved at me from bellow.

"Miss?" I muttered and took in the green jumpsuit and the bowl haircut.

"What are you doing here Toshi?" Gai asked me once again and this time I caught up.

"Oh... Kakashi wanted me to move out immediately. So I've been searching for a new apartment ever since." I answered and yawned, scratching my side.

"What? That wasn't very nice of him." He answered and took a hand to his chin.

I shrugged, trying to push away the feel of sadness that came with the thought of him.

"Kakashi can be so rude sometimes. I take that he isn't assigned to you anymore then?" Gai asked.

"Correct. The hokage gave me permission to roam freely." I said, in an indifferent voice.

"Well that's great news! Come!" Gai grabbed my arm enthusiastically and dragged me up.

Startled I looked like him as if he was mad. I had never done anything for him, so why was he being so good to me?

"Wh-what do you want?" I asked him startled.

"I know how Kakashi can be sometimes. But don't let it take you down! Lee and I will help you find an apartment. I know a lot of people. But first, we'll have something to eat." He shouted making me flinch at the high pitch voice he sometimes reached.

He recklessly jumped off the branch still holding my arm and I basically stumbled awkwardly after him.

"What do you say Toshi? Doesn't it sound good?" I staggered when we landed before he took his arm around my neck and squeezed my head into his sides in what, I suppose, was a friendly manner.

"Jeez!" I squirmed in his strong grip starting to live up again "Yeah yeah sounds good! But just let go of me!" I hissed and broke free from his grip feeling slightly flushed at his intense interest and then brushed myself off.

"Yay!" Lee screamed enthusiastically.

"That's the spirit Lee!" Gai said and gave him a thumbs up.

Gai and Lee dragged me along to a restaurant I didn't know of. Gai had bluntly turned down any of my suggestions about ramen as it wasn't healthy enough in his opinion. I didn't know Kakashi's friend very well, but I could tell he was genuine about everything he did. He had a positive energy about him, and didn't dig further in to what was happening between me and Kakashi. Why he felt the need to take me out to dinner and help me I didn't know, but maybe it was just in his nature to make friends.

"To become a strong ninja, this should be the food you should eat every single day Toshi. Lots of vegetables and lots of meat! No noodles, no rice, no white bread! In order to help your muscles develop you should buy some extra supplies of protein to make sure that they get the right amount of nutrition in order to grow properly!" Gai had been lecturing me about food the whole time we had been in the restaurant.

It didn't bother me much, actually I found it quite calming that I could focus on something else. I had never really thought much about my diet, but apparently Gai knew just what was the right things to eat depending on ones energy level and training. Though I wasn't much used to eating salad I ate it all on Gai's behalf along with some beef. Lee was listening concentrated to everything Gai said, apparently the kid had picked him as a role model, which I found quite hilarious.

"We should split up and go ask everyone. We'll meet here in two hours! Toshi you just wait here!" Gai said as we were finished stuffing ourselves with food.

"You guys don't really have to help me." I said.

"Nonsense Toshi! We'll always help a friend in the need of help, right Lee?" Gai said, holding his fist up clenched.

A friend? Was I already their friend? That sentence went right into my heart, forcing me to hold me breath to get rid of that grateful feeling.

"Don't worry Toshi." Gai's hand landed heavily on my shoulder and he gave me a more serious genuine smile.

"Thank you Gai." Wow, I was really starting to say that a lot.

"Hahaha! No problem!" He laughed sheepishly a faint pink tinting his cheeks.

I sat down outside the restaurant. Suddenly the day seemed a lot brighter. The sun stood high, the streets were buzzing and I was sitting with a cup of lemon tea, completely relying on and a guy I barely knew and his student. Kids ran by laughing and playing tag. An old couple was holding hands while walking up the streets and two or three shop owners was transporting food and merchandise in small wooden carriages.

Maybe Kakashi had been cold and harsh, but I could withstand it. I could not let it affect me. I would treat him like nothing had happened, I decided. Maybe he had a hard time being so close as we were, but as long as I didn't let it go, he couldn't push me away. I would melt away his facade slowly in time.

Gai and Lee returned only and hour after they had left, with good news. Apparently Gai knew an old couple by the outskirts of the market district who was looking for a ninja to live in the upstairs apartment on top of their shop. It was already lifting my hopes as it sounded promising.

The building was very old just like the district. It was small wooden shop cramped in between houses of the same caliber, except this building was a bit taller and broader than the rest. It had a subtle front, with only a small sign hanging by the door, telling people of today's offer. Followed by Gai and Lee I walked inside and I was immediately hit by the scent of tea and herbs. Large drawers of dark wood was placed all the way from the floor to the ceiling, leaving nearly no normal walls except for the one by the door. Having already found a strange fascination in herbs I knew at once that I wanted the apartment on top of this shop!

"Gai!" A plump old lady with whitening hair stepped around the counter and greeted the tall man in the green jumpsuit.

"Hana! This is the girl I talked to you about." Gai said and turned sideways to let her see me.

Hana gave Gai a squeeze at his arm mussed forward slowly, her squinted old eyes taking me in from top to toe.

"Nice to meet you Toshi." She said and smiled gently.

"Nice to meet you too." I said and bowed politely as I had been taught.

"This is such a nice shop you have!" I added, hoping it would give her a good impression.

"Are you interested in herbs? This shop has been in my family for generations!" She smiled at me and took my arm without hesitation.

"Come, I'll tell you a little bit about it." She added and tugged in me to follow her.

"Oh, okay. Sure." I said, taken a little bit aback by her openness.

Gai sent me a satisfied smirk as the women let me to the right wall full of drawers.

"The reason why we want a ninja to move in, is because it's reassuring for us to have someone here who can protect the shop in case of a robbery. We very well are aware of the fact that you have to go on missions and that fits us very well as we're often busy here." The old lady stopped and looked up the long row of drawers.

"We sell herbs and teas here. People can mix them just as they want to, or they can buy a blend. The making of herbal tea is a fine art, but it is also blessedly simple. If you've never cooked a thing in your life, trust me, you can make a good cup of medicinal tea. All you really need is a quart jar with a tight-fitting lid, the selected herbs, and water that has reached the boiling point." She smiled at me again and tugged me along to the left row of drawers.

"We don't expect you to work here, but it's nice to know that you like herbs just as much as we do." She said.

"Yeah, well it is a new found fascination, but I think it's exciting to know the properties of different herbs. I have a blend of healing tea from Suna." the tought struck a nerve in me, but I pushed it away immediately.

"From Suna? That's exciting!" Hana said and chuckled. "An interest in herbs is a very good thing. They're healthy. Herbs are plants that are valued for their medicinal, aromatic, or savory qualities. Many are tasty, too. A fresh tea made from fresh herbs captures between 50 and 90 percent of the effective ingredients of the plant. Much of what you can use in your tea may already be growing outside, and what is not there you can easily plant or purchase." Hana turned and tugged me over to Gai once again.

"But enough of that. If you have the interest you can always ask us. You are searching for an apartment. Let's go an take a look at it!" She said.

We followed her behind the counter where she sat down and opened a wooden sliding door just under three sets of drawers. We all had to crawl through the door, and entered a large kitchen filled with kettles and pots.

"This is my husband Shoji." Hana said and pointed to an old man sitting by a large stone fireplace in a rocking chair.

The old man was skinny in a way normal for people his age. His wrinkles fell around his eyes, making them appear as thin lines. Nonetheless he seemed to be enjoying his time by the fire.

"Who's this Hana?" He asked and looked at me suspiciously.

"It's Toshi, she's here for the apartment!" She said "And you know Gai and Lee."

"Yes yes, how are you Gai? Have you married yet?" The old man called.

Gai moved uncomfortably and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Of course not-"

"Gai-gai!" I jerked when a small girl came running from around the big table in the middle of the kitchen.

She seemed to be about six years old and had shoulder length dark hair and brown eyes. Her nose was like a cute little button and her eyes big with wonder. She ran to Gai who picked her up with great enthusiasm.

"Azami!" He said and hugged the little girl.

"Why's the weird lady here?" She asked him as he held her in one arm by his chest.

"Weird lady?" I muttered as she looked me over.

"Now now, we can explain later." Hana said.

"Is she your girlfriend Gai-Gai? She has a weird hair color."

"Why you little!" I hissed and gave her a stare that made the little girl squeak. Gai laughed nervously and put the girl down before she ran to Shoji.

"Azami is our granddaughter, we watch over her from time to time." Hana explained and walked to a set of wooden stairs.

We followed her upstairs to a small hallway and then in through a door to the right. It opened up to an apartment larger than Kakashi's. The walls were white and the ceiling was made of light wood. It looked warm and cozy although the only thing filling it was a small dining table for three standing between a newer kitchenette and a space that could only once have fit a bed. A french balcony was placed in the wall right ahead of the door, which made me at ease that I had a ninja door of my own. To the left was a closet, and right beside the door was another door that let to the bathroom, which pleased me very well to have my own bathroom.

"If you want it, it's yours!" Hana said and smiled at me.

Gai smiled a gaping smile, his nostrils flaring in excitement and did I need to say that Lee did the same?

"I would really like to move in here! But what is the rent and how much do you need in deposit?" I asked.

"10.000 ryo in deposit and the rent is 1.500 ryo." Hana said.

"I'll take it!"

"Yes!" Gai shouted out and jumped victoriously.

"I'm glad. You'll fit in well here, Toshi."

That night I laid on the floor of my new apartment and took in the feel of owning something of myself. It couldn't be a more perfect place for my first apartment. Gai had insisted on helping me with the shopping I needed to do tomorrow morning, and I couldn't possibly turn down that kind of excitement. I was going to turn this apartment into my personal home. I needed fresh herbs to grow, books, things for cooking, although I was always welcome to use the downstairs kitchen in case I needed more advanced kitchen gears. I didn't have an oven here for example. There were so many things I needed for this new apartment, and honestly I was excited to go and buy whatever I needed tomorrow.

"A single thread in a tapestry, though its color brightly shine, can never see its purpose in the pattern of the grand design." I hummed recalling the song I had danced to in Suna.

The memory was like blurred mess of colors and a feel of freedom and warm happines. I sighed deeply and took another look around the room. There was no Kakashi to talk to or watch. Just me, here in the dark. Tears welled up in my eyes again, this time I wasn't able to hold them back, but let them roll down. I was so happy to have all this, and at the same time sad. It was an odd sensation.. I wondered if Kakashi would come to visit me when he got home from his mission, or if he would shut me completely out. Either way I would not allow myself to fall in despair. I would show him...

"how can you see what your life is worth or where your value lies? You can never see through the eyes of man, you must look at your life through heavens eyes" I hummed again, starting to ponder the meaning of the song.

"You must learn to join the dance." I muttered.

I would learn to join the dance of the world and most importantly learn to join Kakashi's dance...

* * *

**I hope you Guys enjoyed this chapter! **

**If any of you recognize the song you can find it on youtube**  
**It's called "Through heavens eyes" from the Prince of egypt soundtrack.**  
**Actually I didn't Draw any inspiration from that song until I was finished with the chapter and edited it, but it held much of the mood I wanted **  
**in the Suna restaurant. **

**I'm going to Work on Toshi personal Development in the Next chapte (Of course Kakashi will be involved) but I think she needs to become more adulty **  
**to ever be strong enough to attract Kakashi to the point where he can't resist her.**


	17. Air for life Chapter 17

**I'm so proud this chapter came up quickly :D **

**This is more a funny / daily life chapter, but still neccesary for the plot.**

**I just rounded 50 reviews! A BIG thanks to:**

**cathyscloud9, BatmanGummyBears, bonitalito, Hell's Butterflies and knetterzak**  
**for reviewing the previous chapter! It really kept me going knowing that SOME people are reading my story, haha!**

* * *

Days in Konoha lately was warm and this particular day was not an exception.

"Helping miss Toshi is training too!" Lee said over his shoulder as he stood on the french terrace of my apartment over the herb shop.

His two teammates Neji and Tenten wasn't as convinced as he though. Neji, a kid with a silent attitude, from the infamous hyuuga clan stood in the middle of my apartment with crossed arms, frowning. Tenten the brown haired girl, I couldn't yet decide which skills possessed stood more humbly beside the hyugga boy and listened to Lee in the green jumpsuit. Not that I didn't share their attitude. Lee and Gai was such an odd pair that even though they helped I still couldn't figure out what to do with myself around them.

"I'm _ready_ Gai-sensei!" Lee shouted and waved his arms towards the street.

"Here it comes!" I heard Gai yell.

"As long as they don't break anything." I muttered and heard Neji sigh irritated.

Up in the air came my new bed, flipping around as Gai had thrown it into the air for Lee to catch.

"This is over the top. Couldn't we just carry it upstairs?" Tenten said without really asking.

Lee caught my bed shakily, the size of it against his lean frame looking like they were defying the laws of physics.

"I got it!" He struggled to say, and awkwardly tried to turn around, all red in the face from compensating from the overweight.

"Here it comes miss Toshi!" He shouted enthusiastically.

"N-no! Don't throw it!" I warned, Neji and Tenten automatically jumping out of the way.

"What? Okay then." Lee responded and tilted the bed in through the open doors instead, all three of us sighing in relief.

After having written down a long list of things I wanted, Gai and Lee had been _more_ than helpful at carrying and finding all the stuff I needed the day before. Surprisingly enough I'd found the company of the two rather hilarious. They were both goofy and had a positive attitude around everything. They both whore their emotions as shirts and never held back when they felt anything. It kind of rubbed off on me as I started not worrying to much about the future but just enjoyed what we were doing at the moment.

Pots and pans hang in the ceiling over the kitchenette. Plates and cubs was lined up on shelves. Everything for the kitchen was bought along with fresh herbs I'd hung up along the walls by the kitchenette. My wolf totem had been placed on a shelf I had decided should be for all me new memories. The fur coat from the tribe had been hung up on the wall over the bed (or where it was supposed to be). Towels for my bathroom was in place by the shower along with everything else. My small amount of clothes was stacked in the closet and basically everything was in it's right place.

"Where should I put it miss Toshi?!" Lee shouted ripping me out of my thoughts.

"Right over there, thank you Lee." I pointed to the left wall before Lee placed it with bump on the heavy wooden floor.

"No thank _you_ for the training!" He saluted and bowed slightly.

_This kid is so polite he makes me uncomfortable,_ I thought perplexed.

"What do you say Toshi?" Gai laughed, appearing at the terrace.

"This is great! You guys have been more than good to me!" I said, putting my hands on my hips and looked around the apartment which now resembled a home.

"It's nothing, really." Gai said and sniffled satisfied.

"It is! What about dinner, my treat?" I said, feeling confident enough that they would appreciate the gesture even from a nobody like me.

"You don't have to say _that_ twice!" Gai responded and gave me a thumbs up.

We ate at Konoha Wok House - luckily accepted by Gai because it was _healthy_. Tenten and Lee was fairly curious about me and asked simple childish questions like:

"What kind of skills do you have?"

"How many fights have you been in?" Which I didn't have any count on.

"Have you ever killed somebody?" The understatement of the year.

Neji was silent most of the time and kept to himself but seemed to listen to whatever people around him was saying. The kid almost startled me when his pupiless lavender eyes suddenly met mine.

"I heard from Naruto that you have been trained by Kakashi Hatake. He was former ANBU. You must have grown very strong with his intense training." Neji said, his voice harsh and nonchalant.

The mentioning of Kakashi had me think twice. Sometimes I could still forget how known he was amongst other ninjas.

"That's true. But he hasn't trained me in that sense. I haven't learned any new jutsu's or anything. I've just become stronger physically and mentally." I said and shrugged.

Neji looked disappointed. Clearly he didn't have very high thoughts of me. Guess a girl like me didn't look like much.

"Well. You could still use some muscle mass on those arms." Gai pondered.

I looked at my arms instinctively thinking that they hadn't been in such a good shape as they were now. In the hot weather I was wearing a simple tank-top, so my arms were bare for everyone to see.

"Are you serious?" I asked him, feeling a little bit offended and self-aware.

"Dead serious!" Gai said and grunted "You should come and train with us. I can help you develop your thaijutsu skills and plan a healthy diet for you that will help nurture you to the most beneficial."

It sounded like hard training and I didn't really think much about my food. But I suppose that I didn't have anything better to do except getting settled in.

**.**

In the following days I was woken up by Gai at six in the morning, knocking on my windows to do the morning exercise followed by a heavy breakfast of eggs, nuts and milk. I soon learned that his 'nice guy'-pose wasn't just for show, but was a kind of pose he made when he committed to a statement. Overall his training was hard work, much harder than Kakashi's had ever been. In lack of anything to do I stayed around him and Lee long after the other students had retired for the day, thinking mostly that I could outdo Lee. The training was intensive though. Forty laps around Konoha had my legs and lungs aching even though student and teacher would continue unaffected even after twenty laps. I was definitely not used to this kind of physical training that focused only on the muscle work and stamina. Relying only on that, I was suddenly way behind in skills compared to Gai and Lee. It seemed that I had underestimated the hyperactive man.

Although I wasn't much of a talker around the two, Gai invited me (and Lee) to dinner every time we were finished. Two weeks went by in the blink of an eye with a daily routine consisting of getting up at six o'clock and in bed at ten at night time. When not around Gai I spent time in the shop or in the big kitchen to learn about different herbs or help out the old couple with heavy lifting. I liked keeping myself busy to redirect my thoughts on Kakashi who wasn't apparent in my life, and the need I felt to be close to him and know what he was doing. Every day without his presence was a disappointment and so I kept my mind busy with other things until bedtime.

On warm day I was doing a hundred push-ups along side Lee. There was a cold wind that day, indicating autumn's first arrival on the else wise airy and green training ground. Wind sighed through the trees, the sun baking us all despite the cool breeze that soothed us.

"Through gaining a strong and enduring body you'll achieve immense reserves of chakra and stamina by constantly pushing your own limits." Lee growled enthusiastically while doing his push-ups.

"And also it allows you to recover quickly from extreme chakra exhaustion!" Gai added with a grin plastered on his face.

Even after these two weeks I could see and feel an immense change. Not only did my energy and appetite rise sharply, but my strength and speed too. Sparing matches with either Gai or Lee was on a whole different level than anything I had ever tried before as I could use nothing else but my thaijutsu which wasn't something I had relied much on. My body was changing too, all my muscles starting to show and grow underneath my skin. Even the skin in my face was starting to look better.

My first mission came the day after when an ANBU approached me at my home. It was a man with a porcelain ape-mask this time, who was sent to escort me to the hokages office. To test me - I presume - I was sent on a few D-ranked missions around the village, helping old people with different things. Painting a house, fixing a fence - which I didn't know much about at first - and other small stuff that was easily done in silence, although I would rather train with Gai.

At the end of the week I finally got my first mission, surprsingly an assassination. Quite offensive to be thrown into such a serious mission without any knowledge of how to go about it. A ninja from Root was assigned to follow me in the shadows though, and assist should anything happen, although I think he was just there to keep watch over me. His code name was Shin, a tall young man with black fussy hair and a bird-like porcelain mask with red stripes - in front of his face. That was about the only thing I saw to him after leaving the hokages office that day, and I was left with a strange feeling inside about the whole mission.

If I was going to assassinate somebody I had to hide my face and hair so I wouldn't get recognized. It was odd that they didn't just send some one as anonymous as a Root or an ANBU. I was neither, yet didn't have any mask to conceal my face or any headband to show I was a Konoha ninja.

After a visit at the ninja clothes storage it struck me that maybe the hokage wanted me at this mission exactly because I wasn't yet directly _associated_ with Konoha. I didn't like that at all...

I had no experience in assassinations under orders, only the ones I had done myself, where I could make my own rules. This had to be done cunningly and carefully as it wasn't just my life that was at stake, but also my identity and Konoha's. I knew nothing about my target except his abilities. I didn't know why he was targeted, who he worked for and who I ultimately was sabotaging.

I borrowed standard black clothes for agility, no colors, no patterns to show who I was working for. The man working at the storage found me a black balaclava helmet that covered my head and face and black gloves to cover my hands. All in all I looked like a stereotypical black clad ninja except for my long hair that hang along my back in a thick braid. Just before leaving I made a big deal out of taking a shower without any soap to make sure no enemy could smell me. Shin was good a hiding his presence, I barely felt him at all. Coming to think about it, I knew very little about the Root division and the difference between them and the ANBU.

The mission in itself was no biggie though. The job was easily done with no interference of Shin, and so I started a routine of training with Gai, doing assassinations and occasionally helping in the herb shop. Basically I was burrowing my need to see Kakashi and be around him, in work and training.

The missions I was given by the hokage didn't reach me until a day I was eating at Gai's house. He was being his enthusiastic happy self, serving chicken and vegetables in his cozy home when it suddenly struck me that I was very happy in his presence and I didn't want to loose that. What frightened me was that I didn't quite understand what I was starting to become a part of.

"What's wrong Toshi?" He asked in between a mouthful of broccoli.

I didn't realize I'd stopped eating and was staring at my food before he asked the question. I knew Gai was always very understanding, but in truth I hadn't shared much with him about myself or how I felt in general, although it wasn't on his part the concern lacked.

"I'm just confused about my missions. I don't understand the proportions of them. There's a lot of things I don't understand about Konoha. It annoys me. I feel like I'm just doing my work blindly." I admitted, sticking to a carrot with my chop sticks.

Gai made a pondering sound seeming genuinely troubled by my words.

"I mean: am I doing justice or am I just doing Konoha's dirty work? No one knows what I do except for you, the hokage, Shin from the Root and me." I added.

"The Root? Someone from the Root is assisting you?" Gai snapped suddenly, his big eyebrows furrowing down worried.

"Yeah, sometimes he is. But we are never in contact. I just know that he's there if anything should go wrong." I said, slightly startled at his reaction to Shin, of all the things I'd told him.

"I see, I see." Gai said, taking a hand to his chin in a thoughtful way.

"Well I wouldn't expect less of you Toshi. You _are_ after all not from Konoha, so of course you wont follow whomever blindly. I suggest you seek out the answers yourself. Go to the library and burrow books about Konoha, then you can judge things yourself. I'm afraid the Hokage doesn't trust you enough to give you details about the significance of your missions, but I'm sure you'll find out sooner or later." Gai said and gave me thumbs up.

_Why can't he just explain things to me? Then I don't have to burrow books!_ I thought and glanced at him suspiciously. A strange mood settled between us at the table, but different things were troubling us, I could tell. I decided to reluctantly push my worries away and change the subject instead:

"Anyways. When Kakashi and I returned home from our mission three weeks ago I had hoped he would teach me how to do summoning techniques. Since we haven't crossed paths ever since, I was wondering if maybe you could teach me?" I flashed him a sheepish smile and started eating again.

"What do you have in mind?" He asked seeming perplexed.

"We found this scroll for nin-cats at an old lady's house who had been murdered, and brought it with us. It seems that there's some kind of connection between Eien and the nin-cats." I explained.

"Oh! So you want the nin-cats to work for you?" He asked suddenly pumped up in excitement.

"I guess. If that's how it works." I said and scratched my forehead dumb-founded.

"Why haven't you told me this before?! Have you signed the contract in blood yet?!" He asked, standing up, making all the things on the table shake.

"Y-yes I have." I said, holding my glass of water firmly on the table to make sure it didn't tilt.

"Well! Then it's very simple. You only have to offer an additional donation of blood on the hand you signed the contract with-" Gai demonstrated by biting his thumb, a tiny drop of blood forming at the tip-"then mould your chakra with hand seals and then plant the hand you signed the contract with at the location you wish to summon the creature."

He put his hand on the table while I frantically grabbed my food and water before small black marks formed on the table and a puff of smoke blew up from his hand. A small red turtle looked confused at me, sitting by the dinner table with a plate full of vegetables. I blinked at it, and then it blinked at me.

"As you know Toshi, the summoning technique is a space-time ninjutsu." Gai said, putting his hand on his hip.

"Hey there." I said awkwardly feeling as confused as the turtle looked.

"However the summon is not required to help you. He can be a hindrance as much as an ally. So you best summon at practice tomorrow just to make sure you aren't going to get yourself killed by these cats!" Gai said.

"You're right. The first one I met was definitely not very friendly towards me." I mussed.

"Good then! We'll practice tomorrow morning." He said ending the conversation and returning to stuffing himself with food.

I smiled to myself and put down the food. It was obvious that Gai took a special interest in Lee but overall, Gai was a very attentive and dedicated instructor, who did everything in his power to make sure that all three of his prized students, including me, received proper instruction in their own particular fields.

On my way home the market district was still buzzing. I took my time to walk home, a train of thoughts running through my mind concerning my missions, concerning Kakashi and my life in general. I still felt the gap he had left behind in me, and it was when I had these moments for myself I really missed him. There were so many things I wanted to tell him. I wanted to scold him too for not visiting me or seeking me out. I kicked a stone angrily, stuffing my hands into my pockets and looked into the dark sky, people passing by me consumed in their own daily life. Sighing I allowed myself to dwell in that longing for him and imagine myself looking up at him into his two different eyes, one red, one onyx and feeling the warmth of his breath on my face, the warmth of his body, his scent. Hearing him apologize for his behavior and that he couldn't stand to be away from me anymore. I often found myself daydreaming about the Suna night market and how Kakashi would look at me, remembering the feeling of tranquility and happiness.

_Why am I doing this to myself?_

I shook my head while walking into the herb store, the scent warming me with the feel of a home. A guy stood in the shop, looking up the long rows of drawers as I entered. No one was inside the store, probably out in back eating dinner.

"Do you need anything?" I asked and took off my vest.

He turned around and flashed me a sheepish smile and took a hand to his neck.

"Yeah I was looking for a good mix of tea to my granny. I've never been here before but I heard you had the best mixes." He said.

I took him in quickly. With black messy hair and brown eyes he stood, tall of figure and very handsome. He wore a regular marine blue sweatshirt and black trousers that made his legs look long and lean. He looked to be at least twenty-one but I couldn't quite tell.

"We _do_ have the best mixes." I said, and threw my vest behind the counter.

"Do you have anything specific in mind?" I asked him and flashed him a smile.

He seemed somehow uncomfortable by that, or maybe just shy but answered anyway.

"Yeah, I was thinking about a blend that could help her to relax at nighttime." He said.

"Hmm." I thought for a moment, going over what the old lady Hana had taught me.

I grabbed one the tea bags for mixes and went around the counter to search for some specific drawers.

"We could start with some oat flower. It calms and nourishes." I said and grabbed a ladder and started climbing to some of the top drawers.

"That sounds good!" He said.

"And then some lavender which soothes and relaxes." I said and climbed down to open one of the lower drawers.

I opened the drawers too quickly and a puff of lavender blew into the air and tainted the floor. The guy laughed at me as I stood with an expression that told him it wasn't funny.

"Here let me. You're obviously clumsy." He teased and budged in, trying to take the big spoon from me.

"W-what was that?! I can do this myself!" I said pushing him away as he had somehow struck a nerve in me.

"Touchy." He answered, cocking an eyebrow.

What's with this guy? He acts like we're friends or something. I looked at him as if he was dumb and he just replied with a giant smirk.

"Just let me do my job." I said sullenly and shoved some lavender into the bag.

"I will." He said, still smirking.

_Is he trying to flirt with me? He doesn't waste his time does he_? I pondered.

"We can add some lime flower which help to settle the mind." I said, raising an eyebrow suspiciously at him and went to the lime flower drawers.

"You're a kunoichi aren't you?" He asked all of a sudden.

All my paranoid alerts kicked in and I stopped in my tracks instinctively.

"I saw your green vest when you entered. Also civilian women would let me help them." He added as if he had read my mind.

I fell at ease at that explanation and opened the drawer and filled the bag.

"You're quick to catch up then. Yes I am." I answered.

"How come you work here then?" He asked, his brown eyes full of curiosity.

_Jeez, such a nosy guy_, I thought annoyed and moved to the last drawer.

"My apartment is upstairs, so sometimes I help the old couple out." I answered shortly.

"I'll just add some licorice root, chamomile flower and valerian root for the blend to have the best taste." I added, hoping he would stop the questioning.

"That sounds horrible. I don't like licorice." He said with a shrug.

_He's a customer Toshi. Remember what granny Hana taught you. Be polite._ With effort I forced a smile.

"Nah I'm just messing with you. Your blend sounds really good." He added jokingly.

I lost my smile and gave him an are-you-kidding-me stare.

"Very funny." I said indifferently and moved to collect the last herbs.

"No sense of humor." He muttered just loud enough for me to hear.

Trying to control my temper I ignored that comment.

"I'm a ninja too. A jounin." He said as I moved around.

"Okay." I forced yet another smile and turned around, literally not giving shit.

"How come I haven't seen you before? What rank are you?" He pressed on.

"I'm new in the city and lets just say that I'm probably stronger than you." I answered.

This made him laugh out loud, and I flinched trying to keep my tongue from scolding him.

"I seriously doubt that." He scoffed, whipping away the tears that had settled in the corner of his eyes.

_'Whatever'_ I wanted to say, but just shrugged instead and went to the counter. My shrug seemed to strike a nerve in him, probably because I didn't react like he wanted to.

"It'll be a hundred and fifty Ryo." I said, hoping that I could retire to my apartment soon. I wasn't really in the mood for joking around and being polite to some guy who was obviously interested.

"Oh, right." He said and started rummaging through his pockets.

The small sliding door behind me opened and I looked over my shoulder to see Hana crawl through with a smile on her wrinkled face.

"Thought I heard voices out here. Welcome home Toshi." She said with her raspy voice.

"So Toshi is your name." the black haired guy said and took out his wallet.

"Yup." I said starting to grow impatient.

"Toshi it's impolite not to ask this young man's name when he knows yours." Hana said, smiling up at the tall guy.

I fought to control the irritation in my expression and smiled mechanically.

"And what's _your_ name?" I asked, forcing my voice pleasant, although it was obvious to him that I wasn't being sincere as he handed me the money.

"Maybe I'll tell you some other time. I'm kind of in a hurry." He said, smirking teasingly it me as he snatched the bag of tea from the counter.

My_ ass_ if he was in a hurry!

"Thank you for your help, Toshi." He said and turned to walk out.

"Thank you so much. Please come again." Granny Hana said, while I just stood there feeling both dumb and startled.

"That was a nice young man wasn't it?" She mussed before starting to clean up the counter.

I couldn't believe that I was just treated like that by a_ costumer_. At first he asked me all sorts of questions seeming somewhat interested in me, and then he just turns around and wont even give me his name, when I finally put my pride aside and ask him. _What. The. Hell_.

**.**

"It's _very_ important you_ don't_ put too much chakra into this. We don't want you to summon something we_ can't_ control." Gai said, mouth tight and nostrils flaring in anticipation.

"Jeez would you let me _do_ this already?" I growled.

The bushy browed Gai had all morning instructed me in the importance of being respectful to whoever I would summon and seemed to be more nervous than me.

"Maybe if you could control your chakra a little bit better!" Gai snapped at me.

"What do you mean? I control my chakra _perfectly_ well!" I snapped back.

"It fluctuates like a woman's mood!" He retaliated

"Very _mature_ Gai!"

"Just because inside that youthful body you're just an old woman!"

"What was that?!"

We glared daggers at each other for a few seconds before Gai huffed and crossed his arms, clearly on edge because of the whole situation. I sighed and put my hands together to perform the jutsu.

"It's like there's a constant forcefield of chakra around you. How you manage to hide it on your missions is a mystery to me." He scoffed.

"I can hide it if I _want_ to! It's my kekkei genkei, this is how it is when I relax. Kakashi says so!" I barked, irritated that the man wouldn't shut his mouth.

"Don't you think I've read your files?" Gai barked back just as loudly.

"Oh' so you're a stalker now. That's just _great_!" I spat my voice filled with sarcasm.

"I'm not a stalker! How can say something so mean Toshi?" Gai asked dramatically, crocodile tears starting to form in the corner of his eyes.

In the distance, by an old oak Neji, Lee and Tenten sat in the shadow all three tired of listening to Gai and I's bickering. It continued for several more minutes. We fought rarely but when we did, we seemed to get on each other's nerves equally well.

"Just shut up and let me do my thing!" I growled still holding my hands together.

Gai pouted, his arms still crossed, and I took that as a cue to take in a deep breath to calm myself.

"Tiny bit of chakra." Gai whispered in a low voice, squinting his eyes in anticipation.

For only a second I looked up into sky, fighting to keep myself calm at that _irritating_ man, but then put my hand to the ground, not with too much force.

"Summoning jutsu!"

I felt something grow under my hand and snatched it away immediately as that dry smog blew into my face, making my hair and clothes flab slowly in the air. Gai's hand landed on my shoulder urging me to back away as we both looked intensely into the drifting smog. Without knowing I held my breath, the anticipation seeming to grow while the smog cleared and a small shadow was seen in the mists. Even the kids were alert now, watching from the safety distance of the oak tree. I looked at Gai, his black hair waving around his forehead, his expression stern and serious. I had never seen him like that before. A gust of wind blew away the fog instantly.

Orange with black stripes, white mussel and paws, stood a small shaggy tiger. It appeared old, long white fur hanging from the edge of its chin. It looked tired and slightly confused.

"Where am I?" _He_ asked, moving his head slowly around to look at the surroundings before its gaze settled on Gai and I.

Gai nudged me in the side, and I hesitantly stepped forward to seem in command.

"You're in Konoha. I'm Toshi Setsuko." I said and bowed slightly, really having no idea what to expect.

"Ah." The tiger looked at me with old eyes, it's whiskers slightly bend from old age."So you're _that_ girl."

I looked up in awe. So it had heard about me?

"Do you know me?" I asked, coursing Gai to slap his forehead.

The old tiger smiled slightly, it's eyes gleaming with mirth.

"Gin told me about a strange Toshi who shared souls with Eien no Honou. He suspected you would be the next one to sign the contract." He said and moved slightly forward.

The predator instinctively put me on edge as it moved gracefully forward, although there was a kindness to his voice and eyes. Sensitive, he stopped as soon as he saw my hesitation and then glanced at Gai behind me, who I dared not to turn and look at.

"That's true. I was born with her... At least I've known her all my life." I said, my heart pumping for some unknown reason, like I suddenly wasn't sure if I wanted this.

"Interesting, interesting." He mussed and sat down, the tip of his tale moving, indicating he wasn't truly comfortable "And why have you summoned me?"

"Well..." I wasn't quite sure what to say. Because it would be awesome to have tigers on my team? "I was hoping to hone my skills as a ninja by allying myself with you."

Suddenly remembering what Gai had told me about showing respect and manners, I hurriedly bowed deeply to the small tiger.

"Please fight with me. It would be a great honor!" I saluted, Lee-style.

I peeped up when the tiger burst into a raspy laughter and took the opportunity to subtly look back at Gai who looked just as lost as I.

"I'm no fighter girl. I'm a tactician. Taking that the lady Hosaki is dead, I'll gladly help you if Eien is truly inside of you." He said, tilting his head in a mysterious cat-like way.

I straightened up again, amused by the creature and slightly taken aback by the easy alliance.

"I can't talk for the rest of us though." He added.

"Eien _is_ inside of me!" I exclaimed.

"Prove it!" He commanded, his eyes growing stern.

_I will_.

The winds stirred slightly as I drew out Eien's chakra. It had been a long time since I had used her form, I liked to have the element of surprise by not showing it. Now Gai would see too. In the blink of an eye, skin breezed into fur and limps grew into the feline form.  
I was suddenly higher than I remembered.

The small tiger's eyes widened amused, already standing up and having backed away slightly.

"This is a genjutsu!" He said appalled.

"Is not." I said childishly, moving my new limps to get used to them again.

"Any ninja could make a genjutsu like that!" He said, starting sound almost terrified.

I'd almost forgotten how much respect this form commanded and how people seemed to cower at the sight. Lee had fallen right on his ass while Tenten clung to Neji who was too startled to notice.

"This isn't a genjutsu!" I growled having forgotten the growl that came with an angered voice.

I looked backwards and was shocked to see that I was higher than Gai now. He looked just as startled as Lee did, but held his ground nonetheless.

_'What a great time to be silent Eien!'_

_'Here I was so excited to see you do this without my help_.' she purred.

_'Tell me his name so he'll believe me_.'

_'It's much more fun to watch you deal with my kind yourself_.' She snickered sweetly.

"This is outrageous! Using one of our deceased friends to make us fight with you!" The tiger shouted.

Dammit two conversations at the same time is not easy! I heard Eien sigh inside in defeat.

_'His name is Neshkent, he is essential if you want the others to join you_.' **(**pronounced Nes-hret with a throaty 'R'**)**

"Meshkent!" I took in a deep breath to size myself up, trying to give out that same air Eien could have around her.

The tiger stopped in it's tracks as if he suddenly recognizing me. His eyes grew wide in awe, mouth slightly open as if not believing his eyes. I had no idea what her position was amongst these cats, but it looked like she was in high favor.

"Eien..." Meshkent whispered.

"It's true then!" He added, moving forward.

"She barely remembers anything. Names, feelings. She remembers Gin-iro." I said.

"Can I talk to her?" The old tiger asked, only reaching up to my stomach.

I closed my eyes, ears laying backwards focused to turn inwards and listened for her, but she had fallen silent once again.

"Not right now. She doesn't quite remember you. Just that you're essential for an ally if I want the others to fight for me too." I said, hoping Meshkent still believed that I told the truth.

"I see. Well then. Tell me your story child." He gave me an acknowledging nod and sat down again.

Turning into myself again, I sat down in front the old tiger, Gai and the kids gathering around too as I started telling the short story of my seemingly uneventful life up until I was found by team seven. I purposely left out any details about Kakashi and I's relationship, but Gai and the kids whom I haven't shared much with listened intensely without interrupting.

"Your story touches me, Toshi." Gai admitted when I was finished.

Both he and Neshkent had been listening with a scowl on their faces like it was painful to listen to my story.

"Indeed." The old tiger said his frown deepening and his nose starting to wrinkle up "I will never forgive whomever were clever enough to capture Eien and merge her with you."

"I would never be the person I am today without her, although it wasn't a dance on roses. But I understand that you all have felt a loss." I looked away from his strong gaze "I'm sorry."

"It isn't your fault Toshi." Gai put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it firmly.

"No she was an innocent child." Neschent responded.

I felt very young in the presence of Neschent. His deep amber eyes held such knowledge that I felt like he could see right through me to every soft spot I had.

"Don't pity me. It's was all I knew and I always thought I was happy." I said trying desperately to get my feelings under control after having told my story in such an understanding crowd.

"I didn't even know until now _what_ exactly Eien was. I always thought I was some kind of jinjuriki, but now I have no clue." I sighed and leaned back into the grass to look up at the blue sky.

I glanced at Neji who was still scowling at me, clearly something about my story had put his brain to work. A wind blew around the group as we all sat in silence, contemplating on the mystery of my life and origin. At least that was what my thoughts was circling about.

I'm starting to see the grand design, I thought, watching the white clouds fly by.

"Setsuko."

I moved my head at the mentioning of my name and looked up at Neshkent, the stark contrast of blue sky and orange fur forcing me to squint my eyes.

"I will help you." He said, his fur gently blowing in the breeze.

Glad and amused I sat up immediately, feeling an urge to hug the fluffy animal.

"Thank you! You wont regret it!" I responded.

"The next time you summon, I suggest you summon the twins. They are cunning and sneaky but if you have them on your side, Khanun **(**pronounced Hra-nun**)** and Gin will be more likely to assist you in the future." Neshkent said.

I remembered Gin-iro very well. The huge athletic silver lion-panther - whatever he was, with large fangs and hateful eyes, and a distinctive comb of long hair down the top of his neck. An unpleasant chill ran down my spine at the thought of his powers.

"Khanun? Who's that?" I asked, the odd pronunciation leaving me sounding a bit rusty.

"Khanun is one of the three big cats. They were once a trio, Khanum and Gin specializing in raw powers while Eien specialized in mind-jutsus. She trained once with the uchiha."

_So that's where that draw to Kakashi's sharingan comes from,_ I pondered silently.

"I see." I mussed.

"Kids you can leave if you want to. Practice is over for today!" Gai said sheepishly, bringing me and Neshkent out of our little bubble.

It was a quite private conversation we had going, so reluctantly I stood up and stretched my arms and legs to end todays sharing of information.

"Yeah. I better continue this tomorrow. This is quite a lot to take in." I said.

Gai nodded understandingly, having picked up in this as the first one. Considering my position in Konoha it was best if I kept things quiet, even if it was just kids that knew my abilities. Gai understood fully, putting aside his loyalty for Konoha for my privacy.

"Thank you very much Neshkent!" I said and bowed to the old tiger.

"Promise me you will summon me before you summon the twins." He said and inclined his head in a goodbye.

"I will."

**.**

Gai had finally convinced me to join him later with the other shinobi's at a bar, something, apparently, they did every friday. But since I had the whole afternoon off there was a lot of time to kill.

"Hello everyone." I called as I entered the big kitchen behind the store.

Even though only four people occupied the kitchen it still felt like it was buzzing. A big pot was cooking on the big stove and something was being fried on a pan. Hana was doing the dishes and the backdoor stood wide open, old man Shoji carrying logs of wood for the fire place inside.

"It's man-shi!"

I flinched, closing my eyes at the sound of the high pitched voice of the old couple's grand child, Azami. She was the most rude child I had ever met in my life, and she had taken a strange liking to me as a friendemy. Giving me that nickname was the ultimate test for my pride and temper. The black haired girl only saw me when I was in the shop, lifting stuff for the old couple, thereby the merging of 'man' and 'Toshi'. A tall slender woman with the same black hair sat by the fireplace and smiled over at me as I entered. It was Azami's mother who rarely came by. She was a silent delicate woman, married into a rich family and lived in the upper parts of Konoha. I suspected she came here to escape whatever big mansion she lived in. Showing respect I just kept my distance and never asked her any questions, although her little girl was the complete opposite.

"Are _you_ here?" I scoffed as the girl came running to me.

"Have you come to carry more boxes man-shi?" She asked.

"No and stop calling me man-shi!" I said wryly, pushing the girl aside to look what the old granny was cooking.

"Why man-shi?" she followed me closely, almost stepping in my heels.

"Because it's annoying." I answered, frowning irritated.

"Why man-shi?"

I grit my teeth and lifted the girl up in my arm and ruffled her scalp with my knuckles.

"You little brat!" I growled as she started squirming and yelling.

"Stop it!" She squeaked as we received bored glances from everyone in the room, all used to our bickering.

"Say you're sorry!"

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!" she squeaked.

I stopped and put her down victoriously, the girl moping sullenly while rubbing her head gently.

"Stupid man-shi." She said and stuck out her tongue at me.

I clenched my fist and pretended to grab for her "What was that?!"

Squealing she whipped around and ran to her mother. I couldn't help but smile. She was annoying, but it was fun to tease her, just as she teased me.

"You two." Granny Hana said warmly, still cleaning the dishes.

"Toshi, we're expecting a delivery in ten minutes. Maybe you could help out?" Grandpa Shoji called, sticking his head inside the backdoor.

"Sure grandpa." I answered, stopping myself from giving him a thumbs up.

I grabbed an apple and started digging into it as I watched Hana hum and looking out the window at her husband collecting firewood. There was something nice about these moments that took me back to that same feeling in the huts in the land of ice.

Calling from the backyard, Shoji saw the delivery coming. I went outside to the front of the store greeting the usual delivery man, Azami following closely behind as my tail. It wasn't big boxes, but they were a little bit heavy for old people. Azami ran inside with the smaller packages and while she did I stacked the larger boxes.

"Need some help Toshi?"

I stiffened, recognizing the voice and turned around mechanically.

"_You_." I responded sullenly watching the tall black haired man from the day before who _hadn't_ given me his name.

"What kind of answer is_ that_?" He asked and ruffled his shaggy hair.

"It's answer enough." I huffed and turned around, hoping he would go away.

"Hey! What kind of way is that to treat a costumer." He scoffed and went to my side as I continued stacking the boxes.

"Well technically you're not my costumer right now." I said, flashing him an insincere smile.

He huffed, slightly taken aback by the blunt attitude.

"Feisty." He said wryly and crossed his arms.

"Rude." I retaliated.

He scowled offended "I'm not rude! _You're_ the one being rude."

I put down the last box and whipped the sweat off my forehead, noticing his eyes falling down to my bare collarbone and then to my breasts and immediately up again. For some reason I felt my cheeks heat up at that. There was a look in his brown eyes that showed admiration. Normally it didn't as much as touch me if a man looked at me that way.

"What did you say?!" I snapped, letting my flustered feelings show in anger instead.

"I _said_, you're rude!" He snapped back starting to seem pissed off as well.

"Okay, what the_ hell_ is your problem?!" I growled, feeling my body language going as brusque as I felt.

"What's _your_ problem?!" He responded gritting his teeth aggressively.

"Stop repeating what I say dumb-ass." I picked up a box aggressively, noticing that the delivery man was looking nervously at me.

"Im not repe-" He stopped half sentence "I'm just trying to be nice and you're giving me an attitude!" He snapped, blowing air through his nose frustrated.

"I don't even _know_ you. You were making fun of me yesterday and asking nosy questions. You're a jounin, you should _know_ that asking another ninja questions is inappropriate."

He growled and snorted angrily.

"I wasn't making _fun_ of you! I was just teasing, trying to get your attention and seem interested." He said, jaw locked stubbornly.

"Why would you do_ that_?!" I scoffed "I don't even know your name or who you are. I mean why would yo-"

"I was hoping to ask you out!" He shouted and everyone in the street seemed to stop for a heartbeat, giving us both enough time to be embarrassed.

"And my name is Kenshin." He added a little bit lower, a faint pink coloring his cheeks.

I gaped at him flabbergasted, still holding a box in my arms. I just stared. _Did he just ask me out_? No one had ever asked me out before. Not to mention that his first impression wasn't exactly something to brag about. He ran a hair through his shiny hair and sighed, when I realized it had been several seconds I'd just been staring at him.

"No wonder no one else had the guts to ask you out." He muttered

But it was still loud enough for me to hear. For some unknown reason that sentence pierced straight into my heart, quickly taking in a deep breath to control the water that started to emerge in my eyes.

"I _won't_!" I roared and hurled the box at his face.

He dodged it easily, looking just as startled as me, his brown eyes wide.

_Poor guy._

_Serves him well for that comment._

_Just forget it dude she's out of your league._

Suddenly all the attention that was directed at us came flooding in. I had no other option but to grab a box and storm pass a confused Kenshin. Who did he think he was?! Talking like I scared all guys away. I wasn't even the old cold Toshi anymore... Could it really be true that I scared guys away? Was that why Kakashi didn't want to be around me anymore? I fought the tears badly as I bend down and slammed the sliding door aside, almost knocking it out of it's track before closing it with the equal amount of force.

"What's wrong?!" Hana cried startled and dropped everything in her hands to rush to me, panting angrily through my nose as I put the box down.

"A guy asked me out!" I roared, throwing my arms dramatically into the air.

Everyone looked confused, granny Hana gaping slightly at me like she was waiting for me to tell her it was a joke.

"Can you believe the _nerve_ of him?!" I moved to sit in one of the high chairs by the island counter in the middle of the kitchen, grabbing an innocent orange and started peeling it violently.

"Dear, why are you mad about that? That's a good thing." Hana turned to look a Shoji questioningly who had popped his head inside the backdoor to see what all the yelling was about. "Right?" She added.

"I _have_ noticed a younger crowd visiting the store lately." Old man Shoji pondered out loud.

I was too embarrassed to admit that a guy, I didn't know, had actually upset me with a simple sentence. _Cool down Toshi. This isn't like you. The guy _did_ actually ask you out_. Well, _there_ was a surprise! Someone had asked me out. I don't think the words sunk in before I was finished pealing the orange, Hana and Shoji still discussing what was wrong.

"Toshi's got a boyfriend!" Azami sang cheekily, about to leave for another round of small boxes.

"Brat." I muttered, brooding in my own confusion.

Why did he want to go out with me? And were there other guys who wanted to ask me out? _Get it together! I'm strong and beautiful, of course I attract men. He even looked at my breasts_! Oh, yeah, forgot I had a pair of those. Apparently they could work charms around guys... I didn't use that enough to my advantage.

I tilted backwards a little bit and looked down at me cleavage, my skin still glistening in sweat. Hana gave me a concerned stare.

_That must've looked real intelligent_. Rolling my eyes at my own stupidity - "And that's how quickly_ I_ get over things." I muttered, deciding to go outside an apologize to Kenshin, only to find that he was already gone.

**.**

_This is such a bother. Why am I even doing this_? With a sigh I walked lazily through the market district, trying - well maybe not trying that hard - to find Kenshin. I really hated apologizing to people. I probably scared him away already.

Over by a gathering of vegetable stands I spotted his messy black hair amongst the crowd. Picking up my pace and biting down my pride, I followed him while trying to keep a low profile by avoiding all in my path. At least it was good training to stalk someone without getting noticed. I don't know why I was being so adamant about avoiding the inevitable, but I couldn't stalk him forever.

"Kenshin." I shouted reluctantly.

The tall guy turned around, his eyes scanning the crowd before they settled on me, puzzlement showing all over his features. Stuffing my hands into my pockets I approached him, watching how his expression grew more and more stubborn with each step.

"It's _you_." He scoffed and folded his arms.

Strange as it was, I liked that he didn't look like a hopeful puppy at my approach, but rather wasn't afraid to let me know what a douchebag I had been.

"I just wanted to apologize for my behavior before." I said, flashing him a charming smile, hoping to milden him quickly.

"What was that? I couldn't quite _hear_ you?" He responded leaning forward cheekily

"I'm sorry about before." I answered, jaw locked in stubbornness.

"A little bit louder?" He took a hand op to his ear and leaned smugly closer to me, a teasing grin plastered all over his face.

"I said I was sorry!" I growled through gritted teeth, refusing to look him in the eyes.

"What, can't you even look me in the eye while you say it?" He spat, being right in my face.

I snapped my head back in anger, charging forward "I'm sorry!" I shouted for full lungs, once again coursing the whole street to stop in its tracks.

Kenshin looked kind of startled and I cleared my throat, getting out of his face as by passers continued their daily routine.

"Anyways. What does it involve to go out on a date?" I asked him, still refusing to look at him.

"What do you mean 'what does it involve'?" He laughed "I was thinking I could take you out for dinner." He explained.

"Yeah I know _that_ much, but what do you require of me? What purpose does a date serve exactly?" I asked, feeling stubbornly embarrassed to ask him this.

He looked perplexed for a moment before scratching that messy mop of black hair.

"Uhm... Have you never been on a date before?" He asked.

I rolled my eyes and looked back at him. "No. Does that bother you?"

"Of course it doesn't, it just surprises me a little bit." He chuckled sheepishly.

"What do you mean?" I responded, cocking an eyebrow defensively at him.

"Well, I just thought that a beautiful girl like you would've gone on a lot of dates." He explained, moving a bit to the side to let people through.

"... Thanks I guess." Once again I found myself blushing. Strange as I never blushed at compliments like that, especially not from strangers. "Back to my previous question. What is your expectation of this _date_?"

Once again, after having looked victorious for making me blush, he looked perplexed.

"I guess, getting to know you, and the other way around."

I blinked a couple of times "So that's it?"

"I guess." He answered and smiled sheepishly at me.

"I can do that..." I pondered, thinking to myself that it didn't sound as awkward as I had imagined it would.

His smile widened enthusiastically for a moment before clearing his throat and putting on a more controlled expression.

"That's great." He said, sucking in air to man up "How about I pick you up by the store at 6 pm tomorrow?"

"I guess." I answered on instinct, still not quite sure what I was saying yes to.

"What do you mean 'I guess'? Can't you give a clear answer? Jeez." He scoffed, ripping me out of my dumb-founded state of mind as he scowled at me in way only he could.

"Would you _relax?_ It was perfectly clear it was a 'yes'" I retorted.

Seriously, I had never met anybody that could match my own temperament as he could. I was starting to think it was a bad idea to hang around him, we would only end up ripping each others throats out. He had zero tolerance for bad manners and could bad-mouth me on my own level.

"Alright alright, let's not fight again." He responded holding up his hands to pacify me.

"You started it." I muttered, moping as I turned away from him.

"What was that?" He hissed, getting in to my space.

"Nothing." I promptly answered, looking around the street like everything was normal.

"Didn't think so." He retaliated a smirk plastered all over his face.

Fighting to remain calm - and failing in holding my eyebrow from quivering - I turned to him again, flashing him a smile I knew he couldn't withstand.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow then." I said.

"Yeah, at 6 pm." He answered and nodded, this time giving me a soft sincere smile.

"Right, see you!"

"See you tomorrow." He waved as I started to make my way back home.

I couldn't believe that I had a date. Having grown up as I did, I had never believed in that kind of_ crap_, but somehow it felt nice to just be regular. Although I wasn't sure _why_ I had said yes and what I was going to get out of this, I was kind of proud of myself for doing this. He was a handsome guy and a jounin so it couldn't be that bad. The one major problem was that he wasn't Kakashi.

**.**

"Hey Toshi! Over here!"

I gazed through the bar and saw Genma calling for me, Gai turning around in the sofa booth to wave at me. Starting to think that people didn't act like they now me, but rather just was being friendly, I sighed and walked to the gathering of jounins, hoping I wasn't in for a too crazy night.

Bars here were different than those in Suna. Here there were no big fires and red lights. No eye blinding mash of colors and smells overwhelming your senses. It was just a plain old bar with music playing lowly in the speakers, karaoke and a tacky dance floor, for when the nights got _really_ crazy, surrounded by sofa-booths where people could have private conversations.

I was mildly disappointed to see Kakashi wasn't there.

"Hey everyone." I said awkwardly, but with a none-wavering stubbornness shining through.

"About time you joined us!" Genma enthused.

I recognized the faces but couldn't remember their names and suddenly panicked as Genma stepped out and made room for me beside him and a woman I wasn't sure I had seen before. The bearded guy who was smoking, _Asuma_, was his name, and only one who's name I could remember.

"Yeah, I've been busy with stuff." I said bluntly and moved in beside a konuichi with light brown eyes and black hair, styled in a short, spiky, fanned ponytail.

Her style was a little too exposed in my opinion, well, in contrast to myself simply wearing a light grey top with yellow writing across the chest that said 'Dango'. The woman was wearing a tan overcoat with a purple in-seam, which had a pocket on both sides and, worst of all, a fitted mesh body suit that stretched from her neck down to her thighs. As icing on the cake she wore a dark orange mini-skirt, and was also looking bored as hell.

"Hey my name is Anko." She said, flashing me a giant grin.

"Hey Anko." He responded flashing her a smile while being all too self conscious about the impression I left on people.

"What kind of way is that to greet a fellow colleague?!" Her face was inches from mine, a scowl evident and a drooping mouth as she stared at me fiercely.

_If looks could kill_. Startled, and also kind of scared, I found myself lost for words.

"Well?!" She growled fiercely as I found myself leaning away from the sudden close proximity. "State your name girl!"

"T-Toshi, sir!" I stammered out instinctively.

"Much better." She responded and smiled cheekily and gave me a hard comradely pad on the back.

Feeling a flabbergasted I looked around the table, every one watching me in anticipation, well except for Gai who knew me.

"What're you all staring at? You look like you just heard Madara came back from the dead." Anko said bluntly and poured herself a cup of sake before taking a big swig, making a satisfied sound before continuing her conversation with the woman beside her.

I already liked this woman.

As the mood turned casual again I found myself becoming more and more at ease although my new safety net being Gai didn't leave me feeling quite as... safe. Genma was being very polite, trying to strike up conversations with me or include me into discussions. Gai was always easy to talk with and since we had been around eachother so much lately I found it easier to strike up conversations with him. I quickly remembered the names of the other people joining us. Kotetsu a man with black messy hair and black eyes with a strip of bandage across the bridge of his nose. Kurenai with her big black hair and red eyes. Asuma, of course and Raido, the guy I'd met briefly when arriving from the mission of the land of ice.

Gai was insistent that I tried sake in small amounts this time, which I had refused without hesitation but was eventually convinced by Genma on my left side and mostly by the tomb-boyish, rough Anko on my right side.

"Shut up Genma you can't loosen someone up by commanding them to! You need some sake my blond friend!" She'd said before happily pouring me a glass and forcing me to drink with her.

"That's how it's done!" She said once again giving me one of her infamous pads on the bag.

"So pushy." Genma muttered beside me and rolled his eyes.

"How's Kakashi doing, Gai?" Asuma's question across the table caught my ears immediately.

Peeping up almost too quickly I cursed myself for being so obviously interested, and I saw both Asuma catch that slight twitch my body had betrayed away.

"He's on a mission with team seven right now. Something about escorting a bridge builder to Kirigakure. It's taking longer than expected apparently." Gai answered casually, a faint pink tinting his cheeks because of the sake.

I had been too proud to ask Gai any questions about Kakashi, so hearing that he wasn't even in town was a kind of relief. At least he couldn't ignore me when he was on a mission, and it also meant I wasn't the reason for why he hadn't shown up today.

Taking a zip of sake, I looked at the table and wondered what kind of mission they were on. If it took longer than expected, maybe there had been some trouble along the way. At least I felt my mood lighten a little bit and took another sip of the sweet liquid.

"Speaking of Kakashi! Have you gotten the shovel under him yet, Toshi?" Anko's voice pierced my thoughts and snapped me into reality and I looked at the intimidating woman, almost coughing on my sake.

"What?" I responded.

"I mean, have you gotten under that uptight ass of his yet? I know how he can be." She added and smirked playfully.

"You shouldn't talk about him like that." Genma muttered, moping from my other side, clearly tired upon too much sake.

Really not finding it comfortable in any way to share the relation between Kakashi and I in an open forum, I crossed my arm and looked casually at the ceiling, hiding all the emotions that came with the title of said person.

"I don't know. I haven't seen him in a while." I said, trying my best to sound casual.

Anko looked confused for a moment and Genma looked mildly surprised.

"Really? How come?" She asked, sounding like she actually had a soft side all of a sudden.

A roar of laughter startled everyone from across the table all the cups jumping slightly as Gai hammered his fist into the table.

"This is my favorite song! Anko please dance with me!" Gai was standing up, hands raised excitedly in the air.

The busty woman looked frightened at him as he started humming and moved his hips in tacky, old fashioned dance moves.

"Haven't had enough sake for _that_." She scoffed in my ear.

"Come on! Or should I call you.." Gai smirked teasingly, raising an eyebrow and said woman.

"Don't you dare Gai!" She hissed, her eyes glaring warningly at him. The bowl haired man shaped his mouth in an 'O' as the hot-tempered woman grew increasingly angry.

"Old... Woman." He mouthed, obvious to everyone that he was teasing her purposely.

With a squeak Gai was off into the crowd, with Anko following in his heels, having jumped right over Genma and I, who sat startled and looked after the disappeared two.

"I didn't realize Gai was that drunk." Kurenai mussed.

Gai had indeed saved me from an uncomfortable conversation, which i silently thanked him for.

But the night progressed without other uncomfortable conversations. I was still not comfortable about the whole dancing thing, and there weren't enough people in the bar to help create a mood that said 'dance'. But the mood in our little group was high nontheless - mostly thanks to Anko and Gai - and I found myself growing comfortable around these people who did the same for a living as I did.

The numb and carefree sensation of being drunk came with a number of new discoveries about myself. For an example that I could flirt ruthlessly with Genma, to the point where he sourly turned shy and without me actually reading anything into it. Another example was when me and Gai was on our way home, walking with an arm over the others shoulder while singing:

"Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirate's life for me." We sang in unison.

"We're rascals."

"Scoundrels villains, and knaves!" Gai roared

"Yo Ho, Yo Ho-o" I sang in duet to Gai in the empty night streets.

"You better get inside and get some rest Toshi." Gai reminded as we had reached my apartment.

"You're right ol- I mean my youthful buddy." I responded and patted him once on the bag like Anko did to me all night.

"I see you're picking up my good habits. Very good indeed." Gai proudly said.

"How can I not? I'll see you tomorrow!"

We parted ways although I had to admit that I was a bit worried that Gai wouldn't get home safely. Shaking my head over my silly thoughts I used my spare key to enter the shop. The moonlight shone in through the windows casting pale blue light across the countless drawers, distinctively giving the shop a more dark edge.

Hurrying soundlessly across the room and sitting down to crawl through the backdoor to the kitchen, I opened the sliding door and was momentarily blinded as the lights were still on.

I stiffened as I sat in the door, Kakashi's distinct presence overwhelming me. Tilting my head slightly to the right, he sat by the counter of the kitchen island, Hana joining him in a cup of tea. Every longing, every feeling I had for him hit me full force, leaving me frozen in place. What was he doing here this late at night? Couldn't the idiot at least give me a surprise visit in the day time? Suddenly all my feelings collided with my temper, snapping me out of my startled state of mind.

"Oh' here she is." Hana said and smiled.

Not realizing I had been holding my breath I exhaled and breathed in slowly to get my bad temperament in control. I had an incredible urge to scold him all of a sudden. Kakashi turned in his seat, his one visible eye smiling casually at me.

"Hey Toshi."

**.**

A week before:

Gai was walking down the streets on a bright day. But his mood wasn't as bright as the day, as it would normally be. He had a friend that was ruining something precious to him without knowing. Not all people could be as overbearing as he himself could. Kakashi, of course, circled around his thoughts. He hadn't seen his rival in ten days at least, not even when being around the youthful girl Toshi.

"Not very nice of him." Gai muttered in deep thought.

_"So Toshi, why did Kakashi want you out of his apartment so quickly?" Gai had asked her as they sat under a tree at the training grounds._

_Her eyes had wondered away from his in a hurtful way, her fingers nipping at the grass aggressively. It was a simple question really, but he had to tread carefully with the unruly girl in front of him. It had been obvious to him that something was troubling her, and he had the impression that it had something to with Kakashi._

_"I don't know." She had admitted nonchalantly her eyes never leaving the grass._

_Gai knew his rival well and he wouldn't just throw her out like that unless something was troubling the man deeply._

_"He's a very private man. You shouldn't take it personally." He had said reassuringly._

_"I understand that he wants his apartment for himself. But I didn't think it bothered him so much to be around me, actually my impression was on the contrary." She had said and looked up at the tree, the leaves spreading dappled shadows across her face._

_"He's always polite to be around! Sometimes it's hard to guess what he's really thinking. That's Kakashi for you." Gai had said, taking in her strange beauty._

_"But this was different. You should have seen him when we were in Suna after our mission in the land of ice. Gai-" this time she looked Gai straight in the eyes, a stubborn strength shining through-"He was warm, and laughed a lot. He even let me lie in his arms at night in the land of ice. It was unusual, even for him."_

_Gai was taken aback by her sudden outburst. It was the first time she had really spoken of her bond with Kakashi. Gai had always suspected that it would be inevitable for Kakashi to not be fond of the girl, like he was of his students, but he had never heard about Kakashi being like that with a colleague, he often kept it strictly friendly. Even though he didn't spend much private time with Kakashi, he knew him well enough to know that it was out of the ordinary._

_"But it has nothing to do with that. It was the way he said it when he wanted me to leave. He was so cold! Now it's like he has forgotten me. I know that he has lost a lot of loved ones and know it has made him who he is today. But I don't understand how he could just sever our ties like that. I really thought he was my friend." She'd said._

_Gai took pity in her, seeing how her eyebrows furrowed downwards as she struggled to tell him how she felt. It was obvious that she only gave him a fragment of what was going on._

_"The last time Kakashi was like that..." Gai wondered out loud and closed his eyes as he recalled the memory- "Was when Rin died. Kakashi ignored everyone around him and went on one mission after the other. It was hard to watch. But no one close to him has died recently, so there must be another reason."_

_"Maybe he's just glad to get rid of me. Maybe it was just all an act." she moped and rubbed her arms even though it was warm day._

_"No no no. He definitely cares. Even when he seems cold, he'll always be there for you." He'd said and shook his head knowingly at the silly girl._

_Her eyes shone for the briefest of moments before returning to the sullen state she easily fell into at that time._

_"It doesn't make sense. Why would he push me away?" She'd breathed and leaned back against the tree and started chewing on a straw._

_Yes, why would he do that_, Gai wondered. It was obviously hurting Toshi even though she didn't want to admit it. He stopped by a shop that sold dango's thinking to himself that he was really trying to hold back on the sweets, but one stick couldn't hurt. Deciding to buy a chestnut flavored one he agreed with himself that he would have to have a talk with Kakashi. The girl didn't yet have many friends, and Kakashi should've been there to help her move on in her life. But apparently Kakashi and he had different opinions, as they often had. Gai knew where exactly he could find his rival.

As anticipated he found the grey haired man by the great stone memorial of those who died in the great shinobi World War III. Kakashi had always been the elite child while Gai had worked hard to achieve his goals. That was ultimately what had made the connection between the two, although the connection would never have been there if not for Gai's perseverance, especially in their childhood years. Kakashi was the type of guy who needed someone to not give up on him, although he didn't know that himself.

He waited a respectfully two minutes by the edge of the trees before taking the bull by the horns.

"Thought I could find you here, Kakashi!" Gai said and approached his friend.

"You found me two minutes ago Gai." Kakashi answered and glanced over his shoulder.

"You sensed that?! O' well, wouldn't expect less of you." Gai saluted.

"Was there anything you wanted?" Kakashi asked, still looking at the huge granite stone they stood in front.

Gai couldn't sense anything suspicious or different in Kakashi's behavior. This was, after all, normal behavior. He laughed loudly and clapped Kakashi on the back.

"Do a youthful friend like me really have to have any special reason to see you?" He said sheepishly, coursing the calm Kakashi to falter forward at the strong clap.

"I suppose not." Kakashi responded and scratched his hair awkwardly after recovering.

Gai crossed his arms proudly and took in a deep breath, a giant smirk evident in his face.

"Anyways-" he said and knew he was about to contradict himself-"I wanted to challenge you to a thaijutsu spar, my youthful rival!" He exclaimed and snorted satisfied.

Kakashi looked at him stupidly and sighed, his eyes flickering to the memorial stone.

"I don't think this is the right place for a spar Gai." Kakashi said.

Gai looked around agreeingly and nodded.

"You're right as usual." Gai said and rethought his plan to get Kakashi to talk.

"How about a simple match of rock, paper and scissor? The loser pays for dinner."

_Brilliant Gai, simply brilliant_, he complimented himself. Kakashi sighed and glanced at the memorial stone seeming to relent to Gai's enthusiasm.

"Alright then." Kakashi agreed and put forth his hand in a fist.

"That's the spirit! Ready?"

They lined up in front of each other with raised fists

"Rock, paper, scissor!" They said in unison, Gai a little louder than Kakashi.

"Paper beats rock. I win." Kakashi said as he held out a flat hand while Gai was holding out a clenched fist.

"Nooo! I loose." Gai said in a high pitched voice and with a gaping mouth.

"You used your sharingan didn't you?!" He accused.

"How could I when it's hidden underneath my headband?" Kakashi asked casually.

"Haha! Very clever, very clever." Gai said padding his nose with a finger teasingly. "I guess I'll have to pay for dinner."

Although Kakashi didn't seem like he was overly fond of going to dinner, he did anyways in lack of anything better to do. Gai was insisting on an all you can eat sushi bar, also because he didn't have to sit in front of Kakashi, but next to him which made it easier to get the man to talk.

Before getting too caught up in eating the delicious -_ and healthy_ - food Gai had thought long and hard on how to start the conversation without seeming too obvious about his real intension.

"So, Kakashi. Have you visited your youthful student Toshi in her new apartment yet?" Gai asked as casually as he could manage.

"No, I haven't." He replied happily like it was the last thing on his mind.

"Hm? Why not? You've lived with her for so long now." Gai responded obliviously.

"I don't know. It hadn't really occurred to me." Kakashi answered with a shrug while chewing a piece of sushi.

Gai's eyebrow quivered briefly in irritation. Kakashi was lying and he could sense it.

"Bullshit Kakashi! You can't _possibly_ live with such a nice girl without having the need to at least see how she's doing!" Gai's outburst almost startled himself a little bit.

Kakashi stopped chewing and looked at Gai a little taken aback, his chopsticks hanging over the running sushi table where he had been about to pick up a new piece.

"And what would you know about that?" Kakashi asked, sounding a little bit unsure about what was going on.

"Me? I've been spending the last three weeks with her. I even helped her find an apartment and helped her move in. She's been training with the team, ever since you kicked her out of your apartment." Gai said.

Well, this conversation wasn't going as discreet as he had hoped it would.

"Uh... What?" Kakashi looked at Gai confused, seeming to search for words._ Hah, I got him now! I can tell,_ Gai thought.

"I didn't kick her out." Kakashi added.

"Well then why did I find her sleeping outside in a tree with nothing but a backpack?" Gai had prepared his arguments thoroughly.

"I gave her a few days to move out. I didn't actually think she would already have found anything when I came back from the mission." Kakashi admitted, having put down his chopsticks.

Gai looked at his friend suspiciously and ate a sushi brusquely.

"You must've done something to make her move out and into the streets." Gai said pointing accusingly at Kakashi with his chopsticks.

For the first time in their conversation Kakashi showed a kind of remorse when he looked at the table, his eyes softening.

"Gai it's complicated. I had to make her _want_ to move out." Kakashi said. "How did you even get her to train with you?"

Gai flinched at the change in subject but decided that he could tell a little now when Kakashi had done that too.

"As you probably know - I know nothing slips your attention - she was alone in this city and the only person she knew had left her alone to fend for herself. I saw her the day before, trying to find an apartment but she had no clue who to really go to. So I decided to help her, even though she didn't want me and Lee's help in the beginning. Eventually she warmed up. Now she comes to train with us every day." Gai said and nodded rightfully at himself.

"I see." Kakashi snatched a salmon nigiri and studied it for a moment "I know it doesn't do anyone justice, but I was also kind of testing her to see if she was ready to stand on her own feet."

"Bah. Who is ever ready to do that? You just do it. But it doesn't have to involve being let down by a person whom you care for and trust." Gai crossed his arms "Test her. Who does that to someone you care about." He muttered.

Kakashi slouched a little, something seeming to hit a nerve.

"What has she told you Gai?" He asked suspiciously.

Gai snorted dramatically, knowing it was his turn to lie.

"She hasn't told me anything! In fact she doesn't even seem very affected. I don't think she has time to think about you especially not with all those new people she's hanging around when she isn't training. I just think you've treated her wrongly, even if she doesn't think that herself." He said.

This changed something in Kakashi. There was a startled emotion to him as if he hadn't expected her to be over him so quickly. _That Kakashi_, Gai thought, feeling proud that he could change Kakashi's mind, without commanding the copy ninja to do it.

"So she isn't mad at me?" Kakashi asked.

"How should I know? She sure doesn't seem like it." Gai said with a shrug. "Anyways, getting back to my first question. What did you do to make her move out so suddenly?"

Kakashi took a hand to his headband and moved it up and down uncomfortably.

"Why do I get the feeling that there's more than just your concern for her being able to stand on her own feet?" Gai added starting to grow confused.

Kakashi groaned quietly as if he was getting a headache. Gai couldn't remember when seeing him like that. He leaned closer to the copy ninja, glancing surreptitiously around the restaurant.

"And between you and me, I think she's being targeted by the Root." He whispered

This caught Kakashi's attention immediately. He looked up startled, his eyes widened in disbelief.

"No! They're thinking about requiting her?" Kakashi responded.

"I'm not sure yet. But there _are_ signs." Gai said raising an eyebrow.

"Dammit!" Kakashi muttered "I didn't think they would be interested in her abilities so soon. This is bad news."

"Agreed. But with that said, I think she's too free spirited to ever just follow Danzo's orders." Gai whispered, intend on keeping their voices low as they were in public. Who knows who could be listening.

"Hmm." Kakashi looked calculating, staring at the sushi.

"Don't look like that Kakahi, I'm sure she can handle it." Gai tried reverse psychology, doubting that it would work on someone as rational and intelligent as Kakashi.

"I appreciate your concern Gai, but there's nothing to worry about. Thank you for the sushi." Kakashi put his chopstick down and moved out of the high chair.

"It isn't you I'm concerned about." Gai called and pouted although he was starting to get concerned about Kakashi as well.

"I'll se you around." Kakashi called already about to leave.

Gai knew he couldn't press the subject anymore and sighed. At least now he knew that Kakashi _did_ care about her. The fact that he didn't want to talk about it any further only proved that it was going somewhere deeper. Maybe Kakashi cared too much about her and was distancing himself. Gai snatched a tuna sushi as his train of thoughts continued. It could be one theory. He shrugged and decided to see how things would develop from now on, at least now he knew Kakashi would go and visit her.

**.**

Kakashi watched the blonde girl smoothly set her feet in the floor and delicately move out of the small doorway to straighten up, shoulders pulled proudly back. It was only a months since he had seen her, but the difference was clear. Despite being tipsy, her eyes slightly unfocused, she radiated health, her tan skin seeming to glow on top of lean muscles and feminine curves. He couldn't remember the green in her eyes to ever be such a radiant emerald and piercing as a tiger's. Of the blue, green, brown trio, the green eyes was by far the most exotic, rarest and addicting he had ever encountered.

He didn't like what he could suddenly feel. It hit him so hard after a whole month of trying to suppress it and busying himself with all kind of things, that he found himself growing uncomfortable as she approached him. He was suddenly glad Hana was there. How lame of him...

"Your friend here came to visit you, but since you weren't home I offered him to wait for you here." Hana explained, jumping down form the high chair with the cup of tea in her hand.

"Right... Of course. Thank you Granny." Toshi answered.

The copy ninja found himself unable to look away from her, drinking in the glories of her eyes and body, the hollow of her throat, her mimics.

"Hey Kakashi. What're you doing here this late?" It was first when she spoke directly to him and her watchful guarded eyes gave him her full attention that he realized he had been ogling at her.

Hana was making her way out of the kitchen, and he silently cursed himself for letting every barrier he had worked up to suppress the connection he felt with Toshi, fall to the ground, having seen her in only ten seconds.

"Hey Toshi." He said softly, trying to recover. She sat down in a high chair at the corner and looked at him puzzled, her hands folded in a tense manner on top of the island.

"You already said that." She countered and ran a hand through her long ripe hair.

He mentally slapped himself. _What's wrong with you Kakashi? You're usually not like this around anyone. Not even girls you're attracted to!_ Toshi looked so confident sitting there, looking at him expectantly.

"Sorry." He laughed sheepishly "It's just good to see you again." He said, hoping to smolder her a bit.

Her eyes widened briefly, giving away her actual state of mind. He found it reassuring that he could still affect her easily.

"It's good to see you too. But... This is really unexpected." She responded.

He could either play this safely and pretend there was nothing changed between them or could apologize to her for leaving her alone for such a long time. The bond they shared was undeniable, but it was unspoken of. But she wasn't stupid. She could see the elephant in the room as well.

"I just came home from a rather disturbing mission with the team a few hours ago. I thought it was about time I took the time to visit you." He said, silently asking himself why he was avoiding the unpleasant conversation. It wasn't like him.

It was true though. He was truly worn out by the mission to Kirigakure. His thoughts had often drifted to Toshi, especially after having faced Zabusa. Not only that, but Naruto had showed disturbing signs of the kyuubi breaking through. He had known the kid since he was in his mothers belly, yet he could never have anticipated this at such a young age.

His conversation with Gai had lingered in his thoughts through the whole mission, and now he couldn't hold back anymore. He never knew when he would see her again, or when he was going on a new mission. He'd have to visit her to see how she was doing and hear her out on the Root-thing. Reluctant to admit it, he also wanted to know all the people she was getting involved with. For some reason it irritated him, that he wasn't one of those people involved in her daily life. He would have to work hard to be one of those people again.

Her eyes roamed over him searchingly before she grunted shocked, seeming to hide her surprise instinctively.

"What happened? Shouldn't you go to the hospital before coming here?" She asked, clenching the table top with one hand.

"I'm alright. Just a bit tired and worn out." He admitted, seeing right through that facade of hers and how concerned she actually was.

It comforted him somehow.

"Kakashi you idiot. You should take better care of yourself." She scoffed.

"It isn't that bad. You shouldn't worry." He responded softly and took his mask down to sip at his tea.

It never ceased to amaze him, how it affected her when he bared his face. Her eyes fluttered away from him like he was undressing in front of her, but she always looked stubbornly back at him.

He explained what had happened in the hidden mist and watched her grow more comfortable and less guarded around him, just like when they had been in Suna. In return she told him of her past month. He had to admit that he felt something when he realized how much she was hanging around Gai. The bushy browed man didn't know her like he did. He'd been there from the beginning and seen her grow. He hoped his friend in the green jumpsuit realized that he was getting all the good times with her.

Moreover, he wasn't comfortable with the dirty assassination jobs the hokage was giving her. Although she clearly was successful, he cared too much about her to not be worried that this would bring her back to her old self. Even though they were starting to relax the air was thick with tension between them, both too stubborn to address the fact that the copy ninja had tried to pull away, if he still wasn't trying that.

_How's that working for you now_? He thought to himself.

"What tea is this?" Toshi asked and snatched his cup away, taking a sip from it.

"Excuse you." He responded reaching for the cup unsuccessfully.

She held it out of his grasp and took another sip like she was tasting a fine wine.

"This is a tea that's supposed to make you sleepy. We call it a late night tea. It has valerian root in it."

"Thank you for the bonus info, but no one asked you." He retorted cheekily, starting to think that there weren't enough people who put Toshi in her place.

She gave him a frown, one that only she could make that said 'you're kidding me, are you fucking retarded or just annoying?' All in one look.

"Anyways, it's a really nice place. Good people you live with." He said and snatched the cup away from her.

"Yeah, I don't think I could've found a better place." She said softly and looked around the mussed kitchen. "Do you want to see my apartment upstairs?"

Kakashi blinked a couple of times. He had to admit that he didn't expect her to invite him up after basically having shoved her out of his apartment. Keeping their friendship on a basic level surely didn't work well for him when she was being so nonchalant about it.

"Um... Sure." He answered perplexed, almost giving away his surprise.

"Awesome! Then you can see how much better my apartment is than yours." She said cheekily and grinned at him.

How she could keep surprising him was a mystery to him, and he almost felt his neck heat up at that smile she flashed. Honestly he had expected her to be cold or maybe even scold him. But no such thing had come yet. Had he written too much into their 'relationship'. Had he been mistaken about her? She didn't seem much affected by his absence for a month.

Kakashi was trying with all his might to not marvel at her body as they ventured upstairs. At least, yes, he had admired her beauty before but this time it felt different. He felt like a pervert watching her from behind as she leaded the way. A raging battle was going on in his head, all his morals and defenses colliding with his sudden emotions and responses of his body.

"Kakashi?"

Had she really always looked like that? He sniffed her scent washing off of her long hair. Apples and fresh air. An onyx eye watched her closely, the view of her bottom right in sight as they walked the stairs.

"Are you deaf?!"

He looked up perplexed, as her sharp emerald eyes looked down at him, a frown evident.

"What?" He asked. Had she been speaking to him?

"I asked if you have gotten anything to eat yet. Jeez, that mission must really have taken its toll on you." She scoffed as they made it to the hallway upstairs.

"Oh..." He had to stop thinking so much. It made him incapable of focusing "No, actually I haven't eaten anything since I got home." Lucky he was still good at holding a good pokerface. Toshi couldn't ever know his current thoughts.

"I have some leftover wok I can heat for you, if you want anything." She suggested and stopped in front of a wooden door.

"No you don't have to do that. I'll just eat in the morning." He responded before a low growl echoed through the hallway emitting from his stomach.

She gave him one of her infamous scowls while unlocking her door as he chuckled sheepishly. There was no point in hiding that he was kind of hungry now.

"I'll heat up some wok for you." She stated and walked inside the apartment.

Toshi was simply being so hospitable that he had a hard time accepting any food from her because of that guilt he felt for basically having been an ass towards her the past month. It wasn't going to change that he would try to stay away, but she surely didn't make it easy for him. _There's a surprise. Toshi making me feel welcome._

There was a cozy feel to her apartment, and he decided immediately that he liked it. Books were stacked on shelves, fresh herbs were hanging in the kitchen and on the wall by her bed he noticed the fur cloak she had gotten from the tribe in the land of ice. Her apartment was surely more of a home than his was. He had always imagined her apartment to be as empty as his, due to her personality, but apparently her home reflected a warmer side of herself.

**Toshi's POV**

"So this is where you live." The unmasked copy ninja said, seeming to scan every little detail of my place.

"Yeah. Nice isn't it?" I answered and went to the fridge to find the leftover wok me and Gai had shared yesterday.

I was really trying my best to seem nonchalant about the whole situation, but being slightly drunk I found it hard to keep my body language in check. The tension between us was thick, although some of it was starting to ease. Even Kakashi acted weird. He wasn't even putting much of that indifferent facade up. But, hey, I had saved his life the last time we were together. We knew each other so well that putting up facades was almost a waste of time as we read each other well.

"I almost forgot about your totem." He commented.

I looked over my shoulder to see him standing in the mix of yellow lamp light and blue moonlight by my bed, looking at the small totem on the shelf hanging above the bed. My heart started beating double just by the sight of him in my apartment, his tall lean figure with broad shoulders standing there calmly. I almost poured wok on the kitchen table instead of in the hollow of the pot and quickly turned away embarrassed to focus.

"Yeah... Seems like a distant memory now." I said softly.

I felt his eyes on my back and almost shuddered as the tension was right back between us.

"That was some trip, huh?" He answered.

"It definitely left an impact on me. Lets just put it that way." I said, trying with all my might to sound like I didn't think about it daily, which I didn't, just for the record.

"Of course, it was your first real mission." He answered, moving around the room.

I turned on the cooker and turned around, leaning against the kitchenette. How stupid could he act? He knew full well that it wasn't because it was my first mission, but it was _he_ who had left a real impact on me. _You can't push me away Kakashi, I wont give in to it._

"Could I maybe borrow your shower while you're heating the food?" He asked when I forgot to answer.

The casual request took me aback, but it made me glad somehow, that he was starting to feel comfortable again. I wanted that friendship back we'd had in Suna, and it was lurking somewhere beneath our facades and pretenses.

"Sure!" I said promptly.

Guess there was no going around that he just came home from that crazy mission a few hours ago.

I showed him the bathroom and gave him a clean towel, finding our sudden close proximity rather strange. When sitting down by the dinner table I stared out the window, listening to the running water. Kakashi was in my apartment, taking a shower like it was the most natural thing to do. Biting the tip of my finger I felt my heart rate pick up again. He was naked, right on the other side of that door. After a whole month of him being in the back of my mind almost every single day, he was here.

I felt an inner conflict battle on inside me. The one side that wanted to address his absence and his ridiculous idea of not becoming too attached, even though he clearly seemed to care about what was going on my life. And the other side that just wanted to ignore it and just play the game of who would crack first.

Sighing to myself I went to stir the wok before sitting down once again. There was a strong urge manifesting itself, an urge to protect him. Hearing about his mission with team seven had left me strangely irritated that I wasn't there to help him fight the notorious Zabuza. Either Kakashi was being strangely relaxed because it was me he was with, or because he had just gotten home from a rather disturbing mission. It could leave him somehow vulnerable, I'd learned that on our mission to the land of ice.

The familiar creak of the bathroom door roused me from my thoughts. I hadn't even heard the water turned off as Kakashi stepped out, finished with his shower. I was about to open my mouth to say something but seemed loose the art of speech as soon as I saw his body clad in nothing but a towel around his waist. I'd seen him bare chested countless times, so why I still reacted like a shy little girl whenever I saw him like that - was a mystery to me. I looked away instead and got up to stir the wok around, while Kakashi stood, apparently unaffected by anything as he roughly dried his hair with another towel.

"The food is almost ready." I offered, trying hard not to stare at the expanse of muscled thigh, nor the way his pecks looked with one arm behind his head, not to mention the bead of water traveling down from his navel, to the twin robe of muscles that edged down by his waist and disappeared into the towel resting on his hips.

I cleared my throat and looked back into the mix of meat and vegetables, but averted my eyes subtly to him, jaw stubbornly locked in determination. Kakashi was giving me quizzical face as he likely gloated inwardly at how stupidly immature I got at any sign of his unclothed flesh, which I was absolutely not still thinking about.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

I felt my cheeks heat up. Did he catch me checking him out?

"Yeah, of course." I said with a shrug, hoping my embarrassment would fade so I could strike up a normal conversation.

Every muscle tensed up as he came casually closer. Turning away, I refused to look at him as he came up behind me, his warmth and fresh scent washing over me like a drug. It made the hackles in my neck rise.

"Smells good." He said, moving around me.

I suck in a breath as the well defined chest of the hunk of a copy ninja was suddenly in my face - well at least almost in my face - as he stretched out his arm to grab a cup. This didn't help my cheeks to cool down one bit. This was all too much in one day.

And then he had the fucking gall to leer at me. I was going to kill him.

"What does that face mean? Stop messing around Kakashi!" I said wryly as he leaned away again.

"Why, what do you mean? I just need a glass of water." He said cheekily.

I flashed him an insincere smile and bumped his shoulder with mine to create some distance.

"Be careful I don't drop my towel. Or maybe that was your intension? You could just ask if you wan-"

"Shut up already!" I bristled, not thinking I could be more red in the face "You're forgetting that I changed all of your clothes when I saved you from drowning." I retorted, moving the pot aggressively off the cooker.

Kakashi blinked dumb-founded a couple of times. Apparently that hadn't ever occurred to him.

"You did?" He just responded.

"Of course I did! You were going to freeze to death if I didn't." I said, this time more softly.

"You're such a pervert Toshi." He answered teasingly.

I suppressed a growl, in the process of pouring the wok onto a plate before I dope slapped him on the neck.

"It isn't funny Kakashi! Nothing about that time was funny. I survived, you survived, that's it." I responded dryly.

He looked at me a little bit startled, his eyes starting to soften.

"Sorry. I was just trying to lighten the mood." He admitted.

To be honest I was a little bit shocked at myself. I actually thought I could handle being around him - you know - be cooler now when I had actually kissed another guy before, but apparently I could still not handle Kakashi teasing me in such a manner. Especially not with this much tension between us. In the end, it all came out in an angry manner, which wasn't my intension. Instead of being angry I should've just played along, seeing where that would get me. Of course Kakashi didn't know that even though I had seen him naked before, it was still different seeing him half naked and walking around, gorgeous as he was.

"Don't worry about it." I sighed and went around him to put the plate on the table.

As he started dressing, there was still those things we hadn't talked about yet lingering in the air. Like how I felt about our last mission - he seemed to avoid that question as much as I - and also the reason why he hadn't visited me sooner, or why he basically had kicked me out. We weren't going to talk about it. I could sense that. It was funny considering he always talked so casually about everything else. It gave him away somehow, that it was nagging him so much he couldn't just address it. Then again, I had really no idea what was going on in that mind of his.

Pushing the thoughts away I decided I would get the best of my moment with him. When he came out - _dressed - _I stroke up a casual conversation about Gai's training, that helped ease the tension between us. Kakashi even expressed his concern about my missions, the experienced ANBU coming forth in him as we discussed work. It was nice.

"Anyway..." Kakashi seemed to hesitate, leaning comfortably back in the chair while his eyes searched my face. "If you want to, we can go and train tomorrow. I gave the kids a day off." He said, running a hand through his silver hair as if he was embarrassed to ask.

Kind of surprised by the offer, I wished I hadn't made plans tomorrow. But just trashing my plans with Gai and Kenshin seemed really mean. Also I didn't want to leave Kakashi under the impression that my schedule was full of free time.

"Sorry." I said, trying to make my smile alluring. "I promised Gai I would train with him, and I also kind of have a date."

This seemed to throw Kakashi completely off. He stared at me for a moment without saying anything. I guess it was only natural when I choose Gai over him.

"You have a date?" He asked confused.

"Kind of." I admitted, chuckling sheepishly. I wasn't really comfortable about telling him that. I knew I didn't like Kenshin as much as I liked Kakashi. But I had to do _something_ to get said person of my mind.

"With who?" He asked sternly. I gave him a quizzical look at the suspicion showing in his eyes.

"Uhm, a guy named Kenshin who has been pestering me to go out with him." I said starting to feel awkward.

"Kenshin... I'm not sure I know him." Kakashi pondered.

"Okay? He's a jounin, so..." I answered with a shrug. Wow, this was an awkward conversation.

Kakashi nodded in response, and folded his arms over his chest.

"Good for you. Just don't do anything you're not comfortable with." He said.

I snorted "of course I won't. You don't have tell me that." I moped and crossed my arms. "Acting like a father." I muttered.

"I know that. I'm sure he'll know it if he's overstepping any boundaries." He corrected, his expression carefully impassive.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" I responded, smirking at his hint.

"You know, back in the days you could breathe fire just by a wrong look from a guy." Kakashi chuckled, flashing me a gorgeous smile.

I huffed and smirked right back at him. Green eyes met onyx, both of us sharing a moment in silence. So many things were said in that moment.

"Well thank you for the food, Toshi. It was really good. I'll be heading home to get some sleep." He broke the eye contact and got up from the chair and dusted his pants off instinctively.

"Right. I'm just glad you stopped by. It has been such a long time." I answered, getting up with him.

It was getting late as well and if I was going to make it to training I would have to catch some sleep. Though Kakashi's sudden farewell was prompt, I didn't mind as I was starting to get real tired.

"The next time you visit you can just use this door." I mentioned for the french terrace, hoping that he would take the hint, that he was still welcome.

"Right." He responded softly and went to that door instead and opened it.

The damp night air wafted through the door and into the warmth of my home, sending a shivering chill through my body.

"It's cold, huh?" He said softly, having discovered the goosebumps that erupted on my arms.

"Definitely. Autumn is coming." I answered with a smile.

His eyes lingered on me, that strange look he'd had at times in Suna washing over his face briefly. It was almost as if he didn't want to leave.

"Thank you, Toshi. I'll see you around."

"Yeah. You too." I answered quietly, resisting the urge to give him a goodbye hug.

Our eyes locked for a moment more as the silent night wind drifted through the door. His hair swayed lightly in the breeze, shining a pale blue in the moonlight. God I'd missed him. God I longed for him._ Just say it Toshi. Just ask him to stay. There's nothing unusual about that. Say it before he leaves._

And like that he was gone like a ghost.

I stared at his empty spot where he had been seconds before, and exhaled. How could my body go so rigid around him? Anger rose in me. What was his deal?! What was I to him? It was all too obvious there was some kind of tension between us and I couldn't figure out which kind of tension it was from his point of view.

Growling irritated I closed the door and leaned against it. It was so stupid of me to even consider asking him to stay. I couldn't be a dumb brainless girl around him, I really had to stop that!

Turning around and looking out the window I clutched the clothes by my heart. There was some kind of stinging fire burning there and I didn't know how to put it out. I'd felt it before, but after seeing him again it had only intensified. This was the feeling I'd been working to hard to push away, and now it was right back, full force.

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**Sorry for throwing in a few authors note regarding the pronounciation of certain names! **

**I hope you enjoyed this more casual chapter. Things will be heating up from here on (finally).**

**Anyways, I'll update as soon as I can.**


	18. Air for life Chapter 18

**Greetings from Rome! :D**

**I'm so sorry I haven't updated any sooner, but I've been really busy with birthday, the examine to enter the royal academy of art and other stuff :( But right now I'm sitting in Rome (I live in Denmark) enjoying the sun and the peace, which has helped me write nonestop! Anyways, I'm kind of torn between rewriting some of the older chapters and writing a new chapter. Sorry for that! **

**A biiiig thanks to everyone who reviewed the latest chapter and to Hell's Butterfly who suggested I write a sequens of Kakashi's thoughts in the shower in chapter 17. I think I might do that soon!**

**JUST REACHED 100 FOLLOWS, wooooop! That makes me so excited and evne more passioned about writing this story!**

**This chapter is the longest I've ever posted to date. 26.000 words more or less! Enjoy**

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Konoha library was - to put it mildly - completely useless. After having found every single book containing information about the city, the intel was still not satisfying my curiosity. A lot of information were lacking about the ANBU and Root and the more darker days of its history. Surely there was the battle between the first hokage and Madara, but that was common knowledge in this city. What I wanted to know, was the dirty, dark side of Konoha that nobody saw og knew of. The only thing I knew about Root, was that its leader was a man called Danzo and that they worked anonymously in the shadows, while ANBU was more directly under the orders of the hokage.

Disappointed I left the library knowing that it would get me nowhere to keep searching there. I put a hand to my chin as I strode down the street. Konoha _had_ to have some kind of forbidden archive somewhere. The question was _where_ was it, _who_ was in charge and _how_ did I gain access?

As I made my way to the training grounds these questions circled my mind. Understanding the depths of the system almost gave me a headache, but I also knew if I was cunning enough I could get what I wanted, as long as I did it unseen. I knew very well that I was still being watched - by ANBU or Root; I wasn't sure.

I really needed to know _why_ it was always a Root following me on those assassinations. Did that Danzo need to keep me in check? What was the deal? Missions had become increasingly more difficult. I was required to gather more intel myself - intel on location, intel on the subject before I could go and kill the unfortunate soul. I had to know the connection between these people.

Who did I know, who knew anything about a supposed secret archive. Kakashi immediately drifted into my mind. But he was too suspicious and too loyal to give away any information I wanted. I could always ask him subtly and play dumb, ask him who I should talk to, to be allowed into the archive.

"Hey Toshi! Good morning."

Gai's familiar voice roused me out of my thoughts and I made a mental note to ask Kakashi later, now when we were on speaking terms again.

"Good morning Gai." I responded and gave him a tired smile.

There was no telling that Gai had been drinking yesterday. He looked as hyperactive and happy as he always did. With morning exercises consisting of a lap around Konoha, two hundred push ups, a hundred air squats and some yoga we were both ready for todays summoning practice.

Neshkent - the old tiger - greeted me nobly when summoned and told me to be prepared to fight the two cats, preferably in Eien's form.

"Why would they fight me? I'm not going to force them to anything." I said perplexed.

"They're very cunning, capricious cats. They're the best assassins amongst our group, and don't take commands from anybody unless they find you worthy of following. If you're not worthy of the contract, they're most likely going to kill you." The tiger said.

Actually the only thing I cared about in reference to what he said was that they were going to kill me.

"What?! That's a really serious thing to say!" I cried.

"Toshi don't worry, I'll stand by your side!" Gai enthused and gave me his infamous thumbs up.

"If you want to gain their respect you'll have to convince them yourself." Neshkent snapped, his topaz eyes solemn fixating between me and Gai.

"Gai, you'll just have to stand by." I responded as the mood turned deadly serious.

He nodded, that rare serious expression evident in his face.

"Alright, here I go." I muttered and took a strong stance, legs spread wide apart as I bid my thumb.

"Summoning jutsu." I said, trying my hardest to show no fear or anticipation.

I leaped backwards, creating some distance between me and the cats as smog blew up from my hands. With Neshkent by my side and Gai watching from a distance, my fear was calmed by having someone I trust, just in case.

"What's this?"

Shock hit me when I heard a male voice to my left, crouching a bit in defense as I was taken off guard. I hadn't sensed the presence move away from the smog to sneak up on me from my left. A sleek, athletic, graceful and swift predator stood to my left, resembling much a cheetah except it had no spots and its fur was completely white.

"Neshkent."

I gasped involuntary when I heard another voice - female - from my right, and saw the same athletic cat, black as coal and with heaven-blue piercing eyes.

How could I not have felt them flanking me from both sides? I moved backwards a bit to get both cats in front of me where I could see them both.

"Backing down are we?" The black female cat purred sweetly.

There was no making mistakes around these cats. They were exceptionally good at hiding their presence, that fact didn't go unnoticed. Somehow they both reminded me of snakes. Thin and fierce, not in any way trustworthy: venomous. The two cats moved elegantly towards each other, their eyes never wavering one bit from me. They were like ying and yang, the way they moved synchronized.

"Heket, Nephthys. This is Toshi Setsuko, she has signed the contract." The old tiger said, sitting casually in front of me.

Both their eyes snapped promptly to Neshkent, both tilting their heads questioningly before snapping back to me.

"So? Why haven't you killed her yet?" The white male cat asked.

"Are you siding with the human, Neshkent?" The black female added.

For the first time they didn't do anything synchronized. The black female looked at me, giving no hint whatsoever as to what she was thinking.

"Yes I am." The old tiger pushed his chest forward. "She's a capable young ninja, and she shares her soul with Eien." He said proudly.

The white male looked back at me, eyes slightly widened, the female cat still seeming impassive and capricious. While the old tiger spoke, I took in every little detail of the two cats. Higher than the tiger they stood, with a large chest, narrow waist, long thin legs, and a slim well muscled build. Their heads were small and round, set on a long neck, and their tails were long for greater balance. These animals was definitely made for speed.

"What do you say Nephthys? Should we believe this?" The white male said sweetly, his eyes giving me a sense of murderous intent.

"I don't know. Maybe we should test the human." The black female - Nephthys - answered promptly.

"Please believe me. Neshkent is telling the truth." I said and bowed to the two.

For a moment they both seemed to freeze. I straightened up confused at their silence, feeling every muscle in my body getting alert. They both broke into a condescending laughter while I just stood, unsure about what to do and completely unable to read the two.

"So you think you got friends in high places?" The white said.

"With the power to make us obey?" The black said.

"No, that wasn't what I meant. I can show you her form." I explained, growing weary as they started to move to both my sides, their eyes locked on me.

"And why should that make us help you?" The white male answered sweetly.

"If your power and goal is worthy, maybe we won't kill you." The black female added.

"All I ask is for you to lend me your powers." I responded, starting to grow highly alert.

They were about to attack. Despite their small sizes, I felt like I was being stalked by predators. Everything about them screamed of no mercy. I realized I'd been moving slowly backwards, Neshkent suddenly far in front of me, watching silently. Despite having talked my case, he _had_ warned me that there was nothing more he could do. I was slowly realizing there was nothing I could say that would help me avoid a fight.

"Well forgive us these smiles on our faces." The white one hissed.

"You'll know what power is when we are done, girl." The black said.

"You will kneel before us."

"Kneel to our splendorous power."

"You will bow down."

"Or it's your own grave you'll dig, girl."

"You're playing with the big cats now." The male bristled, both having circled in on me.

I took in a deep breath, as the whole training ground seemed to be holding its breath.

"Not so fast is she?" In the blink of an eye I froze when the black female balanced, light as a feather, on my shoulder.

Before I could react, only able to move my arm an inch, her claws tore the shoulder of my vest open as she leaped upwards. I jumped away, immediately creating distance between us, and didn't hesitate to draw out Eien's chakra to hone my instincts and speed. Being used to fighting Gai and Lee, I knew that I could keep up, but was simply taken by surprise. Glancing down at my shoulder I saw the raw pieces of cloth flapping. If that had been my shoulder...

"You two talk too much." I responded neutrally.

They both squinted their eyes at me, the white male baring his teeth the slightest.

"Clearly you're both at a disadvantage in this open space. None of you is build for great power, rather your strength lies in your skills to analyze and kill in the darkness. It's obvious the both of you are assassins." I lowered myself, feeling the ground beneath my feet.

"With that said I'm quite disappointed that none of you have taken your time to get to now me before you charge. Being an assassin myself, I know how important that is." I grinned at the two, hoping to provoke them. If they were anywhere near as proud as Eien, they would take the bait.

"I could easily overpower you out here, so why don't we take this into the forrest for your sake?"

"Don't get so cocky girl!" The white male snarled at me.

"Heket!" The black female snapped, as she looked at her twin, a silent conversation seeming to go on between the two of them.

I grabbed that opportunity to gather Eien's chakra in my feet, and jumped at them in the blink of an eye, launching a heel at the seemingly short tempered white male - Heket. He dodged as anticipated before they were both gone into the forrest.

"I'm going in. Please wait for me out here." I said calmly to Gai and Neshkent, turning around to face the forrest, dulling every fear I had for the twins.

If we were going to play this game, I was definitely going to be the predator.

It was intense to be in such high alert for such a long distance of time. I was constantly subjugated to sneak attacks, and could barely manage to land one scratch at the two cats. Starting to have a shrewd idea that they could communicate silently with each other - after three hours of mind games - I was beginning to work up a plan that could at least separate them for a time.

Being able to hide their presence and blend into the environment, I had a hard time finishing this, and was starting to grow weary. Separating them didn't do much, although I was lucky enough to land a heel at the rips of the black female cat - Nephthys, once. Neshkent conveniently warned me that the cheetahs used poison on their claws, so for now, I had been lucky enough to avoid any contact with those things.

But I wasn't using my full strength. Not anywhere near. To keep the attacking cats at bay I created air currents around myself whenever I felt them lurking around. Although I was faster and stronger than I had ever been, it had been a long time since I had really used Eien's form in battle. Drawing out too much of her chakra would only result in me loosing control or rampaging instead of keeping it cool.

It wasn't until I for the third time had separated the two cats - that I found Heket, the white male alone, in a clearing. I moved silently into a nearby tree, as the athletic cat crouched threateningly in front of a child - a familiar child at that. He had a chip in his tooth and wore a blue scarf, that seemed to be a too long.

Suddenly fearing for the brown haired boy's life, Eien's chakra surged through me and all precautions I had been taking was thrown out the window along with my human body. In an instant I transformed into Eien's large form and lashed instinctively at Heket, knowing that brute force could easily take out the small cheetah's.

While the kid screamed horrified, his boyish voice still coming off girlish, I caught Heket's narrow body between my jaws in an instant, my strength and speed completely taking the cat by surprise. His claws lashed wildly at me, and in my brute attack I sacrificed a few deadly scratches. There was the undeniable difference between brute force and stealth.

I threw him away, tearing skin and fur with me as he bashed into a nearby tree, promptly landing on his feet, bristling at me intensely, completely unaffected by his wounds.

"Heket!" The black Nephthys was halfway down a tree, eyes wide in what could only be horror.

Blood dripped from his sides, loose pieces of skin hanging limply as if someone had tried to peel stripes off of a tiger. Her fierce blue eyes snapped to mine as she froze in place.

"What _are_ you?!" She bristled.

"I told you already. Eien lives inside me." I responded neutrally.

"I won't forgive you!" She hissed, the hairs on her back seeming to spike even more than before.

"Stop it. You can't win. I'm simply too strong. Accept defeat." I raised my head higher and pushed my chest forward to intimidate the two cunning cats.

Nephthys' eyes seemed to loose all hope, before turning awestruck in what could only be realization.

"I see her." She breathed.

The pre-dusk gloom turned every little streak of sun that shone through rustling leafs to golden dots everywhere around the clearing. A breeze stirred the trees as silence lingered between us.

"Don't get fooled Nephthys!" Heket growled, his thing legs shivering in determination.

He recklessly lashed for me, and I crouched watching his incredible speed closely.

"Heket!"

Green eyes widening, I was surprised when the black Nephthys suddenly stood in front of me, facing Heket defensively. It was my first time seeing the two disagreeing on anything.

"She is stronger than us, Heket. If she possesses even a fragment of Eien's skills and power, we're no match. It's obvious she's both stealthy and has a lot of destructive power." The female cheetah explained.

Heket who seemed to be battling with his wounds, glared coldly at his twin, nose wrinkled up in a snarl.

"Look at yourself Heket. You're bleeding all over the place, and I have broken a rib." She continued.

Well, didn't know I had broken one of her ribs. It must've been painful walking around with. I snapped my head to my right where the kid was sitting flabbergasted, watching me with a fear struck expression.

"What're you still doing here kid? Leave already."

But he just watched me, frozen in place as if he was looking at some kind of monster. I moved heavy paws a bit in his direction to face him more, without turning away from the cheetahs.

"Go!" I growled. This seemed to snap him out of it, and he scrambled to his feet before taking off into the bushes.

Turning my attention back to the black and white cats, they were still arguing, the black female seeming to have accepted me.

"You can't be serious Nephthys!" Heket bristled temperamentally.

"You're barely standing." She responded.

His hind legs started buckling.

"Damn you Nephthys!" Was his last words before he evaporated in a gush of smog.

The black feline turned around, her blue eyes fixated upwards at me.

"He'll come around." She said wryly, one of her ears pricking backwards unsure.

"And what about you? What made you change your mind?" I asked guarded.

"Logically I realized you are stronger than us. Neshkent was right."

"Took you long enough to understand."

"Ah, but that is not our way." She scoffed gracefully.

"I figured. Let's find the others then." I suggested.

I followed my nose through the forrest, as my big white shape strode through the forest floor, the small black cheetah tapping along in a faster pace. We didn't speak, a sudden air of master and subordinate lingering between us. If that was how the two wanted it, I would provide it, although it was nothing like Neshkent.

A wind drifted through the trees as we exited the forrest and stepped onto the training grounds once again. The breeze brought along Kakashi's pine like, earthy scent, urging me to halt and inhale.

"The humans are watching you." Nephthys commented dryly.

I opened my eyes and looked ahead to see Gai and Kakashi sitting under a tree along with Neshkent, who seemed content in the pre dusk gloom. Feeling somewhat self-conscious about being in this indiscreet form, I shifted out of her form and into myself again. Popping my shoulders, the black Nephthys and I walked over to the three sitting, all of them getting up to meet us halfway.

"Where's Heket?" The old tiger asked as he trudged towards us, his back seeming to ache heavily down with each step.

"Licking his wounds." Nephthys answered neutrally.

"I see. You have submitted then." Neshkent sat down tiredly, holding Nephthys gaze strongly.

"Impressive training you have going on here." Kakashi commented softly.

I was quite shocked to see him here and wondered how long he'd been joining the others. We had been at it for hours.

"You shouldn't speak unless spoken to, human." Nephthys hissed.

Well, this was surely a change of direction. I looked at her a bit puzzled, _as_ did Kakashi and Gai.

"It's okay Nephthys, he's a friend. They all are." I said, holding her eyes until she looked away.

"You're strong." Neshkent commented, his old brown eyes looking deeply into mine.

"Well, it wasn't that bad." I responded in all modesty.

"You've got some pretty scratches across you nose." Kakashi pointed to my nose, raising an eyebrow.

In that instant I became aware of my condition. I _did_ feel sick and was even starting to feel heated like my body was working out a sickness. Right, there was poison on those claws of theirs. How could I have forgotten that? I touched my nose taking in a sharp breath.

"Um, Toshi?"

My throat felt soar and my knees were starting to bugle. I bumped down on my knees, as a cough started to erupt. It was like there was something corroding inside of me, burning and scratching its way out.

"What's happening to her?"

I felt people around me starting to get confused and just as I was about to explain to them, I coughed up the known red liquid that was blood.

"She's suffering from Heket's poison." I heard Nephthys say.

I started coughing violently every fiber of my body shaking weakly. Gai was at my side in an instant.

"You must know the antidote." Kakashi said calmly.

"Of course, and I will give it to her in a second." Nephthys answered.

Unable to focus, Gai held me up so I didn't go face first into the grass. I coughed over and over, an eternity seeming to drag by before Kakashi held a small wet bottle up in front of me.

"Drink this!" He said and tilted my head upwards, forcing the bottle to my mouth, pouring the bile liquid down my throat.

I almost spat it out again when I continued coughing, but Kakashi kept his grip around my jaw firm. The relief in my throat was instant but my body was still trembling and overheating.

"Okay put her down." I heard Kakashi say, my eyes now closed.

Gai carefully put me down, as the antidote took its time to enter my body.

"I thought I was going to die." I breathed, only now realizing how helpless and out of control I'd been.

That was a really serious poison. How could anyone keep on going like that?

"Of course you aren't going to die!" Gai exclaimed, his voice full of emotion.

"Of course not." Came Kakashi's calm voice.

The grey haired ninja squatted down beside me and stroke my hair comfortingly once. It annoyed me somehow. Why was he showing care all of a sudden? Coming to visit me after a whole month? _Who does he think he are?_! Despite my angry inner thoughts I lay silently, feeling my body burn, nevertheless glad that Kakashi was by my side. Nephthys came into view.

"I'm glad you felt that. Now you know how it feels to be poisoned. Now you know our power." She said cooly before disappearing in a blur of smog. Silence passed.

"Should we take her to the hospital?" Gai asked.

I looked up at Kakashi from my position, thinking how he could look so much in control.

"No, I don't think that's necessary. Besides, she doesn't like hospitals." Kakashi answered his friend.

In that moment I was grateful that Kakashi knew me so well.

"I'm fine." I breathed, managing a small smile.

Both men looked down at me skeptically.

"I'll follow her home, Gai." Kakashi said, his brow creasing the slightest.

A passing silence was shared between the two ninjas, and I wish I could see the looks they were giving each other.

Gai finally sighed "Fine." His head popped into my view.

"I'll see you tomorrow Toshi. I hope you'll be better." Gai said and then squinted his eyes "Are you okay with Kakashi taking you home?" He added in a whisper, as if Kakashi couldn't hear.

The silver haired jounin rolled his eyes.

"It's alright." I answered hoarsely.

He nodded understandingly before Kakashi took a hold of my arm, stretched it out, and slowly lifted me up, placing my arm around his shoulder to support me.

"Can you walk like this?" He asked as I tried to regain my foothold.

I bit my lip, secretly cursing myself for enjoying the sudden concern and proximity. I tried one step to test my strength, sensing my knees buckle. But his strong arm around my waist kept me up. I glanced up at him, his eyes showing worry in that lazy facade.

"I'll see you later my youthful friends!" Gai gave us his famous smile already turning around and leaving.

"Thanks for the training." I tried to shout, but it came out hoarse and dry.

Kakashi chuckled and I shot him a look that told him to keep his thoughts to himself.

"You know, you have to relax in order for the antidote to work at its best." He said.

"Shut up. I know." I muttered.

The sky was orange and red as we made it down the streets of Konoha in a slow tempo. Walking in such close proximity with Kakashi felt odd, especially in public. Despite his past as an ANBU, the copy ninja was fairly easy recognizable and _that_ fact went with the people - the girls especially - in Konoha. Limping along side of him, I stopped keeping count of girls giving me the looks - either confused or just downright jealous.

Somehow it didn't come as a shock to me, but it still made me wary and irritated. He was elite, well known, respected and feared - some was even starstruck in his presence. He held authority through out the city and was looked upon as a high class citizen from a great clan, supposed to marry some girl of higher birth. I didn't know much about Konoha, but I knew most ninja of higher status or birth married other ninja out of love, but society still expected them to marry other of the same status.

Then there was me, a nobody orphan with no social status other than the people I'd gotten to know. I did Konoha's dirty jobs, lurking around anonymously in the shadows, never to been seen or recognized. It was the harsh truth, but the truth nonetheless. It was what was Konoha needed of me and therefore I would play the role if it meant having a place on Kakashi's side, even if he didn't want to be much around me.

Oh' and there was the fact that Kakashi had spent years building his reputation amongst the hidden villages. I had a long way up hill in days of peace before I could ever prove myself worthy as he. Afterall he _had_ been there along the attack of the kyuubi and participated in the great shinobi World War III. What was I? I was seven back then, barely even gave the rumors of the Kyuubi attacking the hidden leaf a thought. During the war I was two years old, learning how to speak properly...

I peeped up at Kakashi's determined expression suddenly remembering he was much older than I.

"Look we're here." He said and glanced down at me.

Having been lost in thought I looked up straight ahead and saw the herb-store. The small black haired girl Azami was playing hopscotch with her mother, who mostly seemed to be looking. The girl stopped in her tracks and looked at us dumbly in way only kids could, with mouth slightly open and eyes squinted. Azami's mother, sitting on the front steps got up, worry crossing her features before shifting to slightly startled and confused when she saw Kakashi.

I almost forgot that she was from the upper parts of Konoha. Of course she knew who Kakashi was.

"Hey." I enthused weakly.

She nodded at me, the confusion still showing in her eyes, her feeble thin arms clutching each other in a polite manner.

"Toshi was badly poisoned. I'm just going to help her inside." Kakashi said, surprising me with the sudden authority in his voice.

Azami's mother - Yoshiko - seemed to stiffen her eyes sparkling at him before she bowed, remembering her manners.

"Of course mr. Hatake." she answered feebly just as Azami came rushing up to clutch her mothers leg.

The copy ninja simply steered me inside and I sighed at the familiar scent as my body was starting to relax as well. Hana came rushing to us, worry plastered all over her face. Among Hana's calm cries of worry we made it inside the kitchen - I had to crawl through the door myself - and Kakashi steered me around the middle kitchen-counter and stopped by one of the high chairs.

I gasped suddenly, when he grabbed my waist with both hands and lifted me up in one of the chairs like I was light as a feather. The movement took me by surprise - it was almost like being a child again - and I instinctively put my hands on his shoulders to keep balanced.

"I'll just clean your scratches." He muttered, Hana started to muss around the kitchen for some cloth and sterilizing.

I didn't need Kakashi's help though. My pride couldn't take it, not after a whole month of ignoring me and then suddenly showing up into my life again. Still, I wasn't really up for a discussion right now.

"I just need some rest." I said calmly, slouching forward while Kakashi and Hana searched the large kitchen.

Azami and Yoshiko entered through the back door in that moment and the small girl came running up to us while her mother stood politely by the fireplace, watching us from a distance.

"What happened Shiro? Who's that old man?" The girl asked innocently stopping by me and peeped up at my face.

"Shiro?" Kakashi exclaimed, amusement showing in his voice.

I sighed "Don't ask."

The hyperactive girl had given me lots of nicknames ranging from man-shi to toshi-ro and now simply Shiro due to my light hair color. Kakashi stopped in his tracks and looked at the small girl dumb-founded and Azami returned the look equally curious.

"Remember your manners Azami." Yoshiko said softly, but there was a harsh edge to her tone if you knew her well enough.

The girl just crossed her arms defiantly and pouted as Kakashi blinked at her.

"He's not old, he was born with that hair color Azami." I explained with a sigh.

She huffed, blowing up her cheeks stubbornly "Well he looks old." She pointed a finger at him "Old man."

"Azami." Her mother warned but kept her distance to us. It was the first time I had heard Yoshiko ever correct her child. Apparently you had to be important like Kakashi for that to happen.

Kakashi squatted in front of the black haired girl and she sucked in a breath, suddenly being in his eye level, but kept her ground determined.

"I have grey hair because I'm enchanted so no princesses will fall in love with me." He explained a smirk evident under the mask.

He reached to the pouch in his belt and rummaged through it.

"You're miss Azami Fujimaki right?" His eyes briefly glanced at Yoshiko behind the girl.

His status considered, Kakashi probably knew the surnames of every upper class family in the city, either having been assigned to escort them or simply help out with affairs I would never know of.

"That means you're almost a princess of Konoha." He added and pulled out a small creased dandelion.

His way with the small girl surprised me beyond comparison. I always imagined Kakashi to be awkward amongst kids this age, but he knew exactly which buttons to push. Oh' and I couldn't forget his way around girls. Apparently six year old girls was no exception.

"Maybe you'll be the one to break the spell." He said, working a thick edge of charm into his voice while offering her the dandelion.

Azami's face had grown raspberry red, the girl standing stiffly on her toes, stubbornly refusing to back away. Kakashi nudged the dandelion forward and she reached silently out to take it, head tilted downwards flustered while still looking him in the eye.

"I already have a boyfriend." She said defiantly, mouth pouting even more than before.

"Oh' and who's that?" Kakashi asked, his eye curving in a smile.

"Gai-Gai." She answered now finding the guts to actually look at the creased yellow flower.

I suppressed a laugh, smacking the back of my hand subtly to my mouth. The contradiction was simply of epic proportions.

"Gai? Really?" Kakashi sounded genuinely startled.

"Yes!" Azami glanced up at me and then leaned closer to Kakashi whispering: "Because once he gave me a rose. But don't tell Shiro because she likes him too."

"She does?" Kakashi raised an eyebrow, glancing teasingly up at me. We both knew it was the misunderstanding of the year.

"Mr. old man you can give the flower to Shiro, she's a princess too." She added happily "You just can't see it because sometimes she acts like a man and carry things around."

Kakashi genuinely laughed at that and got up, taking the flower gently back from Azami.

"I'm not a princess Azami." I said and rolled my eyes.

"Yes you are!" She raised her eyebrows defiantly "You should help break mr. old man's spell. Don't you feel sorry for him?"

"It's true though. Look at her face. A princess couldn't have such scratches on her face." Kakashi commented, pointing at the scratches on my nose.

I fanned his hand away starting grow uncomfortable about the conversation.

"That's because a dragon abducted her and you saved her from it!" Azami enthused starting to grow over-enthusiastic about this story Kakashi had dragged us into. She slapped his leg defiantly.

"Give her the flower quickly so she'll fall in love you!" The girl scolded the tall elite ninja.

Ever the mind-set of children. So fantastically simple. Yet I found myself fighting a mad blush creeping its way to my cheeks, my heart starting to pick up its rhythm. Even Kakashi looked a bit awkward at the suggestion, scratching the back of his head.

"Alright then. Here, Toshi." He handed me the yellow flower and I took it reluctantly, the gesture seeming to affect me more than it should. It was cheesy as hell.

"Thanks I guess." I said peeping at the bowing head of a dying dandelion.

"Now you should kiss." The girl enthused.

Talking about feeling awkward. I couldn't even hear from blood shooting through my ears. Kakashi's lazy facade was up in the blink of an eye like what the girl had just said wasn't a big deal.

"Now, don't you think it would be better to take care of those scratches." Hana's voice came from beside me, the old lady having gathered warm water and sterilizing to get rid of the remaining poison.

Saved by the bell.

"Right." Kakashi agreed and started preparing whatever he thought needed to be done to those superficial scratches.

"It'll probably sting a bit." He said when he was ready, standing closely in front of me.

I locked my jaw stubbornly as his hand closed in on my face, his other hand gently tugging through my hair and to the side of my neck to keep me in place. Although I was still somewhat mad at him, his hand there made my body go numb, a rush of an unknown feeling ghosting up and leaving me light headed. I watched his silver ebony eye up close - and hissed.

That _did_ sting, I thought as he dapped the cloth across the bridge of my nose, deeply focused and surprisingly gentle. There was so many shades of black and silver in his eye, _it_ being the first time ever for me to watch this closely. In the middle his pupil was jet black and then the color turned a light grey silver with hints of blue. Further out an onyx ring encircled the colors barely turning jet black before ending... He was truly unique.

I blinked when he stopped and rummaged for something else on the table, before I looked down to see Azami admiring me. I had almost forgotten her standing there. It seemed Kakashi and I had a fan now.

"I'll just rub some drops of the antidote into the wound before covering it with some salve." He explained, this time moving closer to me - closer meaning in between my legs.

_He let you go. He left you and kicked you out of his apartment as quick as garbage_. The anger I was trying to fuel myself with constantly seemed to turn into frustration and desire. I would let him go this time, but some day when I was on my best, we would have an argument. No matter how hard I tried to ignore it, the fact was there and my feelings too.

His fingers traveled through my hair along the feeble skin again, this time sending chills down my spine. I watched him again. Watched how handsome he was, felt his breath on me as he dubbed antidote into the scratches.

"O' hey."

Everyone stopped their doing and looked to the small door into the shop. I turned around in my seat to see Kenshin crawling through.

Shit... I had forgotten everything about our date.

"Kenshin?" I said surprised.

An awkward silence passed as he smiled sheepishly and looked around the many people in the room before his eyes stopped at Kakashi, who stood as if frozen in place between my legs, the cloth hanging where my nose had been.

"Hello Kakashi." Kenshin said, his eyes turning more serious.

Realizing how Kakashi and I was looking, standing in such close proximity, I waved Kakashi's hand away instinctively, who by the way, gave Kenshin a curt nod in response.

"Is it already six o' clock?" I asked, promptly growing annoyed that Kakashi wasn't backing off.

"Yeah it is." He said timidly, obvious - even to Azami's mother - that he was uncomfortable about all the eyes at him.

Subtly I poked a finger in between the muscles of Kakashi's stomach, causing him to snap out of his calculating state of mind. I wondered why Kenshin was addressing Kakashi so casually, being a joinin - who knew his name but wasn't aquatinted with him - he should be addressing him like the rest of Konoha.

"Ok, I'll be right there. I just had a bad poison infused in my body, but it's wearing off already." I responded and flashed him a smile to ease the mood.

Kenshin tensed up briefly, his eyes darting to Kakashi and then to mine.

"What happened?" He asked seeming alert.

I opened my mouth to answer but was cut off by Kakashi "She's fine now. I just gave her some antidote. I carried her here after having watched her train."

Was I missing some kind of guy-code here? He didn't exactly answer Kenshin's question. But it looked like the tall dark haired ninja settled with that explanation when he visibly relaxed. The copy ninja, on the other hand, backed away fully now, and started to clean up what Hana had found for me. There was a dull ache in my chest. I felt we should be closer again. I dismissed the feeling and hopped down form the chair, still feeling nauseous. I looked over at Kenshin who seemed to be admiring me, his eyes sparkling in anticipation.

I was smacked in the head with the realization that I was going on a date. Not just a date, but I was going with someone who desired me. _Me_! Suddenly I felt nervous. I looked at him dressed nicely, well nicely for a ninja - meaning he didn't wear any ninja clothes.

Looking down at myself I realized I was still wearing my training outfit and had done nothing to look good for him. Well, that was what I was supposed to do, right?

"Um... I'm not quite ready yet. I mean I'm still wearing this." I tugged in my pants "And I'm all dirty."

"Well, yeah, you do look kind of gross." Kenshin pondered putting a hand to his chin.

I glared at him, already having forgotten his sarcastic sense of humor. Kakashi peeped up from a cabinet, a slight scowl evident his one eye. Hana suffocated a laugh and the old man just looked stiff.

"Shiro's a princess and she's not gross." Azami's voice cut through the awkward silence that lingered.

"I was just kidding." Kenshin said apologetically to the small girl who came stomping forward.

"Good because if you did, Shiro's boyfrie-"

I slapped my hand over the girl's mouth.

"Azami don't be rude." I smiled at Kenshin while trying to still the girl without looking too obvious.

The girl was about to make this moment much more awkward than it already was. Kenshin just looked at me perplexed, scratching the side of his hair.

"Anyways. Let's get going." I enthused, maybe putting it on a little too thick.

"Toshi, are you sure you're alright?" Kakashi asked from behind me, I looked at him over my shoulder.

There was something there in his eyes. Something that made me want to stay with him instead. I set my jaw stubbornly.

"Yeah, I'll get better on my way." I ensured him, forcing myself to enjoy this moment of my first date, even if it was hard leaving behind Kakashi as he watched me walk away with a date.

.

The date was less formal than what I had imagined it to be. Kenshin took me to a sushi restaurant and the conversation had a natural relaxed flow, although he was prone to be cheeky. Somehow I liked that, but still he wasn't Kakashi and he surely didn't act like it. Kenshin was wearing his heart on his sleeve - at times - but sometimes I took him in having a mortifyingly neutral face - an on-the-job injury I suppose.

"Are you close to Kakashi Hatake?" Came the dreaded question.

I respectfully told him I didn't want to answer and he seemed to accept that. But there were simply too much to tell if I should ever explain my relationship with Kakashi. What I was dreading the most was Kenshin's reaction to my past. Did he know about me? Surely he would have to. I had already made a reputation by breaking out of an A-ranked prison.

Of course he knew about that, but had explained that he believed that people were born good, and therefore everyone should be looked upon with new eyes. At least that was his explanation even though I couldn't help but feel that he wasn't being totally honest.

He walked me home after our dinner, being very much a - sarcastic - gentleman, hoping that my first date ever, had gone well. He didn't try anything, keeping the physical contact to a minimum as most ninja's did with people they didn't know well.

Two days after I was starting to plan my little 'visit' to the forbidden archives. I had to go locations to gather intel on different subjects, choosing how and when to strike. It was extensive, thorough work that would take a long time to plan, but at least I could still seem like I had a normal day to day life, knowing I was being watched either by Black Ops or Root.

To begin with I had to find out if such an archive existed. Unfortunately, the only person I knew, who knew anything about such an archive was Kakashi. Although I was reluctant to seek him out, I found him - thanks to Gai's suggestion - by the ninja World War III memorial. Why Gai knew he was hanging out there and I _didn't_ was a mystery to me, as I had been around him so much. Anyways, our conversation went somewhat like this:

"Gai told me about a secret archive. That sound so cool!" I had to play this casually "He told me you could tell me more about it."

"Why do you want to know?" Kakashi retaliated, suspicion immediately showing in his eyes. Okay, there was an archive.

"I was simply curious. I thought maybe you knew who could give me access." I tried.

"The hokage can give you access, but even _I_ am not permitted in there, unless there is something in there benefitting a mission." He stopped talking abruptly, now giving me his full attention. He'd just given away a great piece of information.

"Don't try to trick him into giving you permission." He warned.

"What? Why do you think I would do that? If there is no way to get in I'll just have to accept that. Jeez." I tossed my hair offended "You're so suspicious of me."

His eyes softened for the briefest of moments.

"Sorry. Old habit I guess." He said "You're not telling Kenshin any of this?"

I blinked at him. Never had I considered involving Kenshin in this thing. Especally not talking to him about me and Kakashi's conversations.

"Um no. Is it a secret that you can only gain access through missions?" I asked, playing dumb.

"It isn't common knowledge." He replied, raising an eyebrow.

"Well then I wont tell, although I was just curious if the opportunity was open." I explained again.

"Right." He eyed me, and I sensed he was holding information back.

"Is it buried into some kind of tomb or something?" I asked casually. Any other man and I would've made my smile alluring.

He scowled at me briefly, like it was a stupid question to ask.

"No it's in the hokage's building." He answered like it was matter of fact, only seconds after, the suspicion returning to his eyes.

"That's not very secret." I pondered.

"Well-" Kakashi sighed-"It's not a secret or forbidden archive. I guess it's like the Hokage's private archive."

"Toshi. I warn you. It's only because I know you so well I'm telling you this." He added, growing serious.

"And I'm very grateful for that. It probably makes you feel good that you're the only one who knows me so well. But I'm not up to anything, just basic cu-"

"Curiosity." He finished my sentence. "I know."

Then he looked at me in a strange way. Like I was a puzzle to figure out. I should've known he didn't buy the curious-idea.

"Anyways. That was all I wanted to know." I said curtly and looked into the sky to tell the time.

"How're your scratches?" He asked suddenly.

"Oh, they're fine. You can still se them across my nose." I said and smiled sheepishly.

He was silent, seeming to chew on some words, but then decided against them.

"Good." He simply answered, eyes lingering on me. I had to look away from his watchful gaze, suddenly becoming self-conscious.

"Well, I'll see you some other day." I said and started walking away, giving him a wave.

"Yeah, I'll see you around." He responded.

That had been our conversation. Short indeed, but I didn't really know what else to do around him anymore.

Kenshin took me out a few times more before he took 'things' to the next level and dared to put an arm around me. I didn't mind much, I was somewhat attracted to him - he was a good looking guy and he knew how to communicate with me without becoming cheesy. Compared to my short time with Hayate in the land of ice and his - if I put it mildly - direct way of just kissing me, Shin was much more considerate and was much more aware of physical contact. He didn't strike me as a submissive kind of guy though. I was starting to suspect that he one day would go all in with his feelings for me. I wasn't quite sure what I liked most.

**.**

"To your left, to your left!" Lee pointed as if it would make a difference.

"No, you're facing the wrong way!" He screamed.

A fist landed a teasing blow on my shoulder.

"Quick, to your left!" Lee screamed "No! The other left!"

"Would you shut up!" I retaliated and tore the bandage off my eyes.

Gai planted a foot in my stomach, satisfied watching me buckle over as I hadn't been prepared for the impact.

"Don't let your guard down. If you can't ignore Lee, you aren't focused enough."

"Sorry miss Toshi!" Lee called from the sidelines.

"Jeez." I huffed irritated.

For some reason I had a hard time focusing this day. Ever since my date with Kenshin a week ago I hadn't been able to get Kakashi out of my mind. I felt like I was betraying my own feelings by going on a date with someone I knew would never attract me like Kakashi did. Yet, attraction and anger kept mixing up inside my mind by the thoughts of the grey haired ninja. He kept swooping into my thoughts, his hair, his eyes, his mouth...

_Not those thoughts_. I looked into the sky, taking in a deep breath to empty my mind. His behavior this past month was messing with my mind. He kept a distance, tried to push me away, yet he was starting to approach me again. What was wrong with him? Couldn't he just make up his mind? It would certainly make my life a lot easier if he would stop playing all those games.

Great now I was thinking about him again.

"Ready for another round?" Gai planted a large hand on my shoulder and squeezed it in a friendly manner.

"Always." I replied, catching the concern in his eyes.

A pang of guilt hit me. Gai had no clue about what I was planning. Kakashi on the other hand was sharp so I had to watch my words around him. And then he did that thing with helping me when I was poisoned, showing care, but not telling me _why_ he threw me out of his apartment an ignored me for a month!

I tipped my nose upwards and sniffed the air... Speaking of the devil.

"Hey you guys."

I didn't need to turn to see Kakashi coming, but glanced sideways as he came up to our little training session.

"Kakashi?" Gai enthused, a smug grin showing on his face.

"Hey." I greeted neutrally and gave him a nod, folding my hands under my chest.

"Hey Toshi." He replied looking somewhat stoic.

A-nd the tension was back tenfold. Kakashi's eyes travelled down to my bare stomach, promptly making me remember I was wearing the navy blue sports bra, the standard kunoichi training gear.

"You've grown some serious abs Toshi." He commented, not able to hide the surprise in his voice.

Unfolding my arms I looked down at my stomach. It wasn't anything to brag about, I wasn't ripped in any kind of way but, yeah, I guess a six pack was starting to show under the soft skin.

"That's what happens when you train with Gai." I answered casually, trying to hide the fact that I was about to blush at his observation.

"Well said Toshi!" Gai crossed his arms and nodded satisfied "Hard work and healthy food is the way to become a stronger ninja."

"It suits you." Kakashi said softly and stuffed his hands deeper into his pockets.

"I'm not sure if I should thank you for ogling me." I said, squinting my eyes at him, to hide my own insecurity about his compliment of my body.

He huffed "Like I would ever ogle you."

I glared at him, as he glared teasingly back, even Gai seeming to pick up on the tension.

"Anyways. Guys, let's continue our spar." The black haired ninja suggested and laughed nervously.

"Fine with me." I scoffed and looked away from Kakashi, not able to hold his gaze for any longer.

"Right. Lee and Toshi you'll team up, Kakashi and I will do the same."

"I was just passing by to see what you guys were doing. I gave the kids the day off." Kakashi explained and ran a hand through his silver hair.

"Nonsense Kakashi, are you going to decline a spar?! It'll be purely taijutsu, no ninjutsu or genjutsu allowed." Gai tried to convince the sharingan user.

"Don't bother Gai. Kakashi's too lazy for any _real_ training. Probably why he gave the kids a day off." I said wryly.

The condescending edge to my voice seemed to spark the respected elite ninja, his eyes flaring for the briefest of moments.

"I'm not lazy. I gave them the day off because they all were on edge yesterday and needed a day off." He commented, his posture seeming to stiffen more.

Gai's expression was priceless with mouth slightly agape and narrowed eyes, like he had no clue about what was going on. It was a bit uncharacteristic for Kakashi to explain himself.

"Then why're you declining Gai?" I answered just as wryly as before.

"I'm not declining. Maybe if you would let me finish speaking you could've heard my answer. You're as impatient as always." His tone was so neutrally condescending that I momentarily couldn't hear anything for the blood shooting through my head.

"Good then. Come Lee." I answered icily.

This was _so_ odd. Kakashi had always been good at affecting me, but now we seemed equally good at affecting each other. In the past, nothing I said could get to him, but now... well, things between us seemed so off. If anyone had told me two months ago that there would be tension between me and Kakashi - tension from both sides - I would've laughed at that person. Now it just seemed surrealistic. My image of past Kakashi versus present Kakashi was completely different. Understanding the depths of him only seemed to have made him more tantalizing.

Sighing I took a stance before the eager younger version of Gai. It was ever so hard to fight Kakashi, but my pride couldn't take much more. If not for my pride, he could just keep on ignoring me and then just pick up things where they left off. Someone really had to put him in his place and teach him some manners. Still, even if I wanted to yell at him, all his memories kept washing in to my mind, reminding me why he was so cautious about friendships. This was an endless contradiction and sooner or later one of us was going to back off or go in head first.

Lee lashed for me, forcing me to focus on the fight ahead. The kid was faster than me, but always adjusted his speed to mine, keeping me constantly on the limit of me speed, working it slowly and gradually upwards.

**Kakashi's POV.**

Gai was forcing him to maintain focus, and he took every little opportunity he could to glance at Toshi who was fighting gracefully with Lee. The sight of her in a sports bra, exposed stomach and marked arms and shoulders, open gloves on her hand, and the rare sight of her bare neck, her blonde hair set in a high ponytail and the pearl glistening in the sunlight. She _was_ - to put it mildly- extremely enthralling. But there was still unsolved issues between them and he knew he had created them himself.

It would stay that way if it was up to him though. If that could keep her slightly more at bay, then so be it. Every time he was around her, he opened involuntary up a little bit more at a time, and that was exactly what he was trying to avoid. Yet, why did he find himself here? Every time they met the tension grew a tad, even Toshi seemed to not be able to hide her actual state of mind anymore.

He stopped and threw off his navy blue shirt, leaving him in the combo top-and-mask he wore underneath. It was too damned hot outside to train in a shirt. He lashed for Gai, using a Kunai instead of fists and the two friends engaged in a high speed battle. Gai had through the years grown into a strong shinobi. He wasn't the same weak boy Kakashi remembered him as, when he had first met him outside the academy, the time Kakashi's father still lived. The thought brought forth a strange feeling and the silver haired ninja grew a tad more serious, keeping his spar partner on his toes.

Before he knew of it, the shrill ringing of the timer sounded. Half an hour had passed by in the blink of an eye. Kakashi found himself trying to avoid looking at her. Everything he did around her seemed to him a sign of weakness and it took him aback every time he thought about it. Couldn't he just act natural? He never thought this much about his behavior around another person that wasn't his enemy. Crossing his arms in thought, he felt confused about his own behavior. The genius ninja simply couldn't figure out why his thoughts was so led astray by her.

Sweat was glistening off of her collarbones and further down he could spot the beginning of her tan cleavage before it disappeared into her sports bra. He diverted his gaze and closed his sharingan. _Too damned observant sometimes._ They all met in the middle of the field, Toshi still seeming defiant and nonchalant.

"Let's take another round!" Gai enthused.

Kakashi's body reacted by sending a strange surge of emotions up through his stomach. He and Toshi hadn't sparred much due to the issues with her back in the past. But now, she was at her outmost best, although Lee might've taken some of the heat off. But he was still somewhat excited to match her taijutsu with his, now when she wasn't able to use Eien or anything else. Still... He wasn't sure if she could control her temper. It would be a good opportunity to test her self control though. The copy ninja was confident in his skills against her, but didn't want to get in the way of her wrath. He was getting a vibe from her that he had to tread carefully.

"Toshi and Kakashi, you'll go and I'll spar with my young student here." Gai said giving the group a thumbs up, the sun glistening off of his teeth.

"I'm not sure Gai. I just came here to say hello." Kakashi said, scratching his hair.

Toshi huffed "What? Scared to fight me Kakashi?"

"Very scared." He said casually, his tone giving away that he didn't mean it one bit.

The blonde's eyes flared, her posture stiffening. If she could hiss like a cat, she would've done it now.

"You can take one more round my youthful friend." Gai enthused and gave Kakashi an encouraging - at least that was what it was supposed to be - clap on the back.

"Fine." The copy ninja muttered reluctantly. He had a bad feeling that this spar would be more than just a spar.

**Toshi's POV.**

My heart was throbbing quickly in anticipation to this spar. Kakashi and I had never really sparred much and now was a perfect opportunity to let some of my aggressions off on him. Eien's instinct overwhelmed me for a second and it didn't go unnoticed by the grey haired ninja who was prone to be overly observant. I took in a deep breath as Gai and Lee left us and spread my legs apart into a strong stance and pulled out a kunai. The copy ninja did the same, but firstly pulled his headband over his red sharingan.

"You're offending me." I said cheekily and smirked

He laughed softly "Yeah well, lets see if you can keep up with me this way. I might even let you touch me."

By kami he knew which buttons to push. Crouching I readied myself. A wind blew across the field. My energy was building. A bird sang somewhere in the distance. Kakashi looked casual, even slightly glad in his stance. Somehow it annoyed me.

I launched forward slightly to the right and sliced at him. He blocked, the small blades ringing at the clash. Kunai's clashed and clashed and clashed together, Kakashi taking the defense while I was on the offense. He didn't slice back even once, but spun a few kicks at me as we danced in a battle of death, attacking and blocking. I picked up my speed, starting to grow frustrated at his evasive tactic. Not even getting one single hit was just irritating beyond comparison.

A kunai came in from the left, surprising me slightly. I blocked wrist to wrist and slid my hand over his arm and grabbed it, twisting his arm as I pulled and immense amount of chakra in to my foot to launch a front kick right for solar plexus. Quick as he was, a kunai came in from the right before I could kick him, his other arm twisting mine out if my grasp. I dodged, cursing myself for not picking up my speed as he created some distance between us.

Crouching slightly in silence I took him in. His hard muscles showing underneath the tight top he was wearing. His navel and the round outlines of his six-pack. The well build chest - the biggest muscles on the upper body and its almost square male curves. He lifted the headband up again and closed his onyx eye, revealing the blood red eye. For a moment I was entranced by his whole being, but remembered how easily he could humiliate me.

"I was wondering when you were going to get serious." I shouted and smirked, although the smirk was only an overconfident facade compensating for my inner aggressions and worries.

"I'm still wondering when you're going to be." He called back.

In that moment he made me realize that in order to get somewhere with this spar I'd have to use my head instead of relying on my instincts, build through many years. Kakashi was _everything_. Strong, fast, stealthy, intelligent. His nose, eyes and hearing was even better than anyone I knew. So should I use stealth or brute force against him?

I would definitely gain an advantage taking the spar into the forest, but even _there_ his sharingan worked miracles. I'd have to be more stealthy than ever. The decision was made in a heartbeat. Throwing shurikens at him as a distraction I leapt to the forest in a blur. He followed me quickly and for a moment I felt like I was being chased by a hungry wolf.

But I soon found cover and before I knew of it we engaged in a highly alert sparring match. He was good at concealing his chakra just as I, but he easily found me if I was too near, thanks to his red eye. Fifteen minutes of a deadly hide and seek went by in the blink of an eye, until I finally caught him from a blind ankle. The sound of him landing on the ground, his feet swept away from under him was ecstatically satisfying. I smirked, but his grin - obvious even under the mask - made it clear that I'd only succeeded because he let me. A bubbling anger grew in me before he spun from the ground, trying to take me down with him. In my burst of anger I jumped away, every fiber of my being wanting to punch him through a wall. Forcing my speed to a maximum I threw three shuriken at him, one of them missing by an inch, or so I thought.

Suddenly still, he took a hand to his ear and back, red liquid spread across the tip of his fingers. For some reason, a surge of fear hit me. He looked back at me, seeming surprised, but then his eyes turned mortifyingly cold.

"Fine. You want to see me serious?" He said calmly.

_A murders intent._

The feeling ebbed out of him like a black cloud and I withdrew all my chakra to get away from that feel. He wasn't serious before... But now he was. The last time I'd seen him like that was when I first came to Konoha. I shivered involuntary at the thought of those scars on my back, as I pictured the memory of child Kakashi, cold bloodedly assassinating anyone who got in his way.

_He's not like that anymore. Remember that._

I braced myself in front of him, the whole forest seeming to stand still. Finally I got what I wanted, but I should have been careful of what I wish for. I stared into his scowling red eye, never wavering, never blinking once. I had to keep everything at a maximum now, without turning into lion form.

In the blink of an eye he was at me, his incredible speed taking me off guard. I blocked, but his incoming hand swept right past my arm, grabbing my throat in such a predatory manner that I hitched at the impact.

A kunai fell soundlessly into the grass as I grasped his arm and he strode forward, pushing me in front of him, until a tree stopped us. My hands fumbled at his arm, as I stared into _that_ one red eye, no emotions evident inside. His grip tightened and my lungs burned for air. This was all too familiar, bringing back memories of that day in front of Konoha gates a long time ago. He couldn't win like this. It was too easy. I'd trained so much! This couldn't be it!

'_The body must obey the mind_' a voice in my head said.

'_But your mind is consumed with fear. How can the body help?_" Eien's voice whispered distantly.

She was right though. The bad memories couldn't stop me now. Anger rose in me again. The violence in his heart was so deeply rooted into his being that I had to remind myself this wasn't anything personal. Yet his eyes flickered at me, his resolve seeming to waver with each passing second. I took that opportunity and smashed an elbow into the joint of his upper- and lower arm, forcing him to break his grasp around my throat. Using every ounce I could of Eien's chakra I landed a front kick in his stomach forcing him to slide through the forrest ground. He lifted his arms defensively at the harsh wind that suddenly found a path through the trees. Instinctively I lifted my hands to form the ox seal:

"No ninjutsu." Kakashi responded neutrally, leaping at me in that same instant, not wasting a single second.

We fought a battle - it would be wrong to call it a spar anymore - on a high level. I literally felt I was giving my all without really giving my all as I had to stick to the rules of no ninjutsu or genjutsu. My spars with Gai and Lee had never gone to such an extent as with Kakashi, and as we danced throughout the trees there was absolutely no room for any wrong steps. I'd almost forgotten how skilled Kakashi actually was. No doubt most ninjas held him in such a high regard. I could barely keep up with him.

Then again, I _had_ triggered something in him, forcing him to take this spar seriously. I wondered if he ever took any spars as serious, cause his sparring partners would be unfortunate souls. No - his enemies would be unfortunate souls. I dodged a kunai slashing continuously and strategically at me, thinking that I had once been one of his enemies.

The thought sent a chill through me and distracted me for a second. The grey haired ninja took the small opening in his hands and swiped my feet away from under me. Heavily I landed on my back with a hard thud, but took advantage of my position in an instant and kicked for his legs which he easily jumped over.

My head rang from the impact, leaving me slightly dizzy but there was no time to waste. I rushed up, anger flaring in me. I wanted to land at least _one_ punch at him! I wanted to slap his cheek and yell at him. I wanted him to comfort me and hug me. I wanted _him_, his _thoughts_, his _memories_. I wanted him to share it all and confide in me so I could reconcile the violence in him. The good the bad, I could carry it all.

In seconds we reached the training grounds once again, hacking and slicing at each other. I growled in exhaustion from every single launch, my muscles aching badly. Kakashi only grunted now and then as he collided with my brute force.

"You two the time is up." Gai called from across the field.

But none of us payed any attention and continued our dance. I had to end the spar soon, as long as Kakashi was still taking me seriously or else I would soon be in no control of transforming, being this high on adrenalin.

"You're so infuriating!" I growled, startling myself by speaking at all.

"Really? Enlighten me." He answered effortlessly.

I just gritted my teeth, trying to sweep him off his feet as he left an opening. He treaded backwards before striding forward in a distance that was in such a close proximity I could barely get any force behind my slicing. His whole warm presence was oppressive and we mirrored each other's movements, taking each other's free arm while barely stopping each kunai at each other's throat.

Startled and with a kunai pressed against my throat I exhaled harshly, seeing my own kunai lingering at the delicate skin at his throat. He looked down at me with a stubborn frown, breathing just as exhausted as me. Sweat was glistening off of his arms, his navy blue top soaked. We both stood in anticipation, breathing at each other while his warmth rolled onto me like waves. The wind seemed to breath with me, rising and falling with exhale and inhale. Even Kakashi - who'd been emotionless up until now - seemed to glow with a sudden tension.

This wasn't over yet though. In a last resort both kunai's were dropped and we were entangled in close combat, trying to win with weight. I lunged my shoulder into his stomach, lifting him off of his feet and fell into the grass with him and tried to execute a choke hold. I crossed my legs over his body as though I was lying cross-legged and hooked my arms under his chin to pull his head down until his throat was against my shin.

"You can't just come back into my life after month of ignoring me!" I growled.

But Kakashi broke my guard elbowing me in the ribs, and threw me off to side before wrapping his arms around my left leg. Using his own body weight as leverage, he fell backward with both his arms and legs around my isolated leg. To increase the torque - and pain - he pulled down on my toes, hyperextending my knee. I cried out in pain, managing to kick him in the stomach, forcing him to release his hold.

"You kick me out of your apartment and now you come back like everything is fine!"

I was on him in seconds and he grabbed my arms as I was about to take him in a choke hold before he rolled on top, his eyes growing serious. I wrapped my legs around his waist in a guard, grabbing his wrist, opening my guard again and rotated to the side from under him. Then I reached over his arm that was being held by pushing my knee to his elbow, grabbed my own wrist and started pushing his arm away from his body, moving it toward my head. The lock hyper rotated his shoulder and he gritted his teeth beneath the mask, fighting against the eventual pop that would follow this move. He rotated out of my guard forcing his knee into my bladder.

**Kakashi's POV.**

_Note to self, Toshi's really good at floor fighthing_, he thought to himself.

"What's wrong with you? Why can't you make up your mind?!" She hissed at him.

He was getting the scold of his life at the moment, and to be honest it had taken him slightly by surprise. He didn't think she had the guts to address his behavior the past month. Her words struck him deeply although he didn't show it. He was growing just as frustrated and irritated as she was, and he didn't like it one bit.

He had thought this over so many times now and still didn't know quite how to explain it to her. What _was_ wrong with him? Why couldn't he make up his mind? Pushing the pretty blonde down with all his weight, he caught her neck in a triangle choke.

"I can't believe I'm the one who have to tell this to you!" She spat.

He was along side her head, her chin brushing against his as her body twitched to get free from under him. But she had a point. Did he really need someone as damaged as her to tell this to him? No, he had thought about it a lot of times, but it seemed she had too. Her thought patterns were fairly close to his own. The two did have a connection, his dreams about her told that much. But how could she ask the exact same questions as he? Did she really know him that well?

"Make up your mind Kakashi! Why me? Why don't you push Gai away or anyone else?! Do you care or not?! Stop messing with my head! " Her voice was starting to take on a note of sadness.

He tightened his grip around her neck, cutting off the blood circulation to make her submit.

"I have a lot of reasons to push you away." He admitted, hating the feeling that came with choking her. He closed his eyes, trying futilely to ignore her apple scent.

She squirmed in a last try to get free. He couldn't hold on for long, for some reason it almost made him sick to do this to her. _Please submit_, he thought as he felt her struggling becoming weaker and weaker. The wind lay deadly still around them, indicating that she wasn't breathing. Finally she tabbed the ground and he released his hold immediately.

She inhaled sharply, as he lifted himself up in his arms to look down at her. The beautiful green eyes were unfocused for a few seconds while she saw stars, before they focused on his hovering figure.

"Why don't you tell me those reasons?! Do you know how much it hurt me that you just left my life like that?!" She said bravely although her voice was becoming high.

He closed his sharingan and opened his normal eye, her words genuinely stirring some emotions inside him. His eyebrows creased as he chewed her words, while he - how wrong it may seem in the situation - took in her rising flat stomach, her shiny hair sprayed across the green grass, flushed cheeks and that neck he just wanted to dart into...

He was taken aback by his own thoughts and blinked dumbly down at her. It was so inappropriate considering the tears starting to form in her emerald eyes.

"Because I... " Kakashi Hatake was for once lost for words.

He obviously cared about her. He wanted to protect her badly, he knew _that_ much. So why was he hiding it? He knew why; to convince himself that it was ok to loose her when that day came. But why couldn't he tell her that?

She slapped his chest weakly her eyes blazing with emotions. He brushed a strand of loose hair away from her forehead in response, causing her to hitch. Seeing her lie there helpless under him, asking so much of him at the same time... He looked away sensing the desire building between them.

_She's only nineteen for crying out loud. Stop thinking like that_. His thoughts were running on a completely wild track. He rolled off of her and lay beside her to look into the sky, sighing deeply.

**Toshi's POV.**

So _so So SO_ strange. That crazy surge of emotion running through me as his finger had brushed my forehead. How could such a simple gesture make me go blank like that? No it wasn't just the gesture. It was his whole _body_ pressed down on me, his rising strong chest and those strong shoulders and arms on each side of my head, standing all predatory. His grey hair and his worried eyes. I wanted to attack him in a kiss right then and there.

Wait, I was mad at him! And how long had I been staring into the sky? I tilted my head to look at him fully, lying beside me in the short grass, wind caressing his silver hair. He was looking at the skies too, deep in thought.

"Well?" I tried, hoping to get him to talk for once, the angry edge forgotten.

He tilted his head to look at me too. He was so close I could feel his breathing through the mask. None of us looked away or wavered.

"I'm sorry... " He said softly "of course I care. I just..." His eyes flickered as his eyebrows creased again.

I bit my lip to hold back the tears that threatened to come out. I liked him vulnerable and at the same time it made me feel his struggling, remembering his worst memories.

"I just don't like that you know me so well. It makes me feel easy to read, I shouldn't be that. Not even Gai guesses my emotions as well as you do." He turned his head to the skies again.

"Your future is still so unsure. You know how many people I cared about I've lost in the past. I feel that possibility is lingering by your side constantly. You're very independent and don't go well with authorities, so chances that you will leave Konoha or choose another path are very high. The more educated you are, the closer you'll get to making the right choices for you. If I become too attached to you, I'll just, you know, end up loosing another friend I cared about."

That was a whole lot of Kakashi in one sentence! Had he ever considered that _he_ was one of the biggest reasons for me to stay in Konoha?

"Wow... That was deep." I muttered startled.

"But Kakashi, as long as you're here I won't leave Konoha. I don't think I could ever do that to you." I added.

"You don't have to comfort me. You should do what you want to, not stay here because of a shinobi who dragged you away and ripped your back open in wounds and almost choked you to death." He snapped.

Was he feeling guilty? Unworthy of my care?

"I decide who I want to be around or not. And as much as I hate to admit it, you're the one person I like most to be around. If you want me in your life with all my 'knowledge' of you then I'll be there. If not, then please say so. Make up your god damned mind and just do what you want to do. Stop worrying so much about something that could happen and has happened." I retorted.

He closed his eyes as a faint breeze swept by and stirred the grasses.

"Again, I can't believe I'm the one telling you this! You're supposed to be smart, but apparently you're not very insightful." I added and looked up at the clouds like he.

He sighed defeated, his gazing eyes turning soft "You're right. I'm sorry I've been so difficult." He said softly.

I turned around on my stomach and popped myself up on my elbows to catch his dim grey eye.

"Will you promise not to play games anymore? It makes me exhausted." I asked.

He looked at me like I was asking a lot of him - maybe a normal person would've just thought he looked indifferent - but I could see the emotion in his eye as I looked down at him; promises meant a lot to him. I waited for his answer while a breeze waved a few strands of golden hair in his direction, sweeping feather lightly over the bridge of his nose an eyes. He closed his eye enjoying the tickling sensation. It was hard not to marvel at him, the sight being one of the rare kind. He looked peaceful.

"Alright, I promise." He said softly and looked at me again.

"Pinky swear?" I smirked putting forth my pinky.

The elite ninja looked reluctant to swear in such a childish manner, but with a sigh seemed to relent. Our pinkies hooked.

"Pinky swear." He muttered and tugged a bit.

"Good." I answered with a grin and plopped down on my back.

It didn't take much from him to make me forget all the bad feelings I held. Maybe because he'd never promised me anything before.

"I need shade." I muttered and put my hand up in front of my eyes.

"Me too. I'm baking after this spar." He answered lazily, but in a second got up from his position, not in the least impressing me with his strong stomach.

He held out his hand towards me and for a moment I marveled at the picture of the summer version of the copy ninja. Standing in a tight navy blue top, arms bare, silver hair swaying gently in the breeze and with the blue sky behind him, I had to squint my eyes to see him in the sun. He looked like a saint. But I knew very well he wasn't.

I took his offered hand before he simply pulled me up. He looked down at me with that thoughtful expression that almost seemed tortured sometimes, holding my hand only a second too long. His eyes flickered away and around the training grounds as he hooked a finger under the fabric of his mask.

"Too hot to wear this right now." He said and tugged down the mask to reveal his gorgeous bare face.

I looked at him, still not used to seeing him like that. He smirked cheekily at me, one corner of his mouth pulled more up than the other, gum slightly showing amongst a set of straight teeth. Damn... Just damn. He knew very well what he did to me when he showed his face.

"That tree over there provides some good shade." I said, trying to redirect both our attention.

He dropped the smirk and nodded but simply followed me to the tree where I bumped down under the umbrella of leaves and branches. He followed suit and lay down beside me, arms folded under his head with a satisfied sigh.

"Gai left." I commented, although I'd sensed that a long time ago.

"True." Kakashi responded calmly.

Gai wasn't known for his understanding of situation, but sometimes he still surprised me, picking up on things that I tried to hide well from him. Of course, this escapade between Kakashi and I had been obvious.

I rolled around on to my stomach feeling the dabbled shadows of the tree across every inch of my skin.

"My body hurts from over-exertion. I'm going to get some good bruises, especially here." I pointed to my throat where he had choked me in the forest.

He stiffened a little at that, his eyes flickering to me.

"Don't be so tense. I had it coming, although I must admit you scare me sometimes when you go ANBU-mode." I muttered, stroking my throat to feel the soreness. "What happens in you when you do that anyway?"

He contemplated on that one, his eye unfocused as he looked up at the branches.

"It's just what I do to survive. Normally spars are for learning purposes and you're meant to match each other's level. But you just wanted to fight I realized. So I just thought of you as an enemy so you would stop measuring our strength." He explained.

"It's kind of scary you can just switch like that." I said. He looked at me without moving his head.

"You're doing the same when Eien's chakra gets too much for you to handle." He retaliated.

"... Guess you're right about that. Although, you're doing it purposely while I just can't control it." I said.

It made me wonder - if he was ever ordered to - could he then kill me without hesitation?

"Don't look at me like that." He said without even looking at me "It isn't easy to hurt anybody I don't want to hurt, no matter how emotionless I seem."

I looked away from him, realizing my worry had been showing.

"Right. I know that." I admitted feeling guilty I had even doubted him for a second.

I looked at the smooth skin of his neck, just above his hairline and then to his ear. The blood there was dried, the cut seeming deeper than it actually was. I reached out instinctively to touch the rim of his earlobe softly;

"How's your ear?"

He raised an eyebrow like he had forgotten, his arm twitching instinctively to reach up to the place I was touching, but for some reason he stopped himself.

"It's only superficial." He responded.

"Sorry." I said and smirked seeing the goosebumps forming along his neck.

Even Kakashi Hatake who could be as emotionless as a stone, couldn't fight goosebumps. Either he liked the touch or he was utterly disgusted by it.

"You shouldn't say sorry after a spar." He said, laying completely still as my hand traveled down to the soft shell of his ear.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because taking a beating is what you sign up for when sparring." He muttered and gulped.

This was interesting, seeing him give away those small signs of his actual state of mind. I removed my hand thinking that was enough experimenting for a day. Not like I had the guts to do anything else anyway. At his last words his eyes travelled to my bare back, his eyebrows creasing ever so little.

He sat up, resting his arms on his knees, his eye seeming to scan my back. I looked over my shoulder thinking that maybe a spider was crawling there, but realized it was the scars he was looking at.

"In return I should apologize for those scars." He said softly, a flicker of pain crossing his features.

"I thought we already had this talk." I responded, really not getting why he was so upset by those scars.

He ran a hand through his silver hair before his hand ghosted over the sensitive skin on my back. Now it was _my_ turn to fight he goosebumps. This reminded me too much of the times in the hot-springs. Now thinking about it, he always checked up on those particular scars when we were there.

"I can't express it enough times. I scarred your skin and carried your bloody body through the city." One of his fingers traced a scar "If I had known how you are now back then, I would've never treated you like that."

He slid his hand back slowly, fingertips grazing my side. When his fingers lifted, I felt an ache in my chest. I turned around to hide my scars and popped up on my elbows. Now his eyes rested at my stomach.

"Thanks." I answered in reference to his last sentence "I already told you it was a good wake up call though."

We were both silent for a moment, listening to the sounds of wind and trees.

"I'm not Rin. I'm not Obito. I'm not anyone of your past friends. But I _am_ Toshi and I would've never been the Toshi I am today without your help. So stop blaming yourself for something as insignificant as scars. Your list of accomplishment with me are a lot larger than the list of mistakes." I snapped watching the contours of muscle in his back.

"The mistakes weighs heavier than the accomplishments." He retaliated.

By kami he was being annoying and downright depressing.

"Come on Kakashi, do I really need to pep-talk you? You know that isn't true!" I said, trying to hold back on the snapping.

He was silent so I sat up with a sigh, trying to catch his eyes. He was resting his chin on his knees a distant look crossing his eyes.

"You carry too much guilt Kakashi. Let it go. At least your guilt concerning me." I said softly.

He rubbed his face in a frustrated manner and glanced at me.

"I hate that you're right. I hate you know me so well." He grumbled.

I chuckled at that, and brushed my hair backwards before he looked at me fully, his head still resting on his knees.

"Who would've thought that _you_ of all people, would be the one to tell me such things."

His eyes lingered warmly and suddenly the moment was intimate again. I didn't know what to with myself, didn't know how to act. So I shrugged and looked away.

"That's what you get by investing so much time in another person. The kids are probably going to know you well when they grow older as well." I answered.

Kakashi agreed and we stayed and watched the fields in silence, the clouds moving slowly by like giant godlike beings in a light blue sky.

"It's going to rain." Kakashi said, breaking the silence.

He sniffed the air discreetly while I realized I'd been so caught up in sharing this tranquil moment with him, that I had failed to notice the change in air.

"You're right." I agreed.

We stood up and started walking. A large darker cloud had snuck up Konoha and was making its way to us. On an instinct we started jogging and soon the rain came crashing down, the last heavy tropic summer rain, probably, to hit Konoha before autumn was kicking in for real. I cursed at first, but soon found the sensation joyful, everything around us changing. Smell, surface, humidity... Kakashi's hair was drooping down in front of his eyes, a slightly amused look evident in his eye. I laughed at him, our pace picking up to find shelter. My lungs were burning, my muscles aching, the fierce pleasure of a flat out sprint.

We came tumbling under the awning of the first cafe that came into view. People sitting by the tables inside looked at us strangely as I saw my reflection in the glass. Luckily I wasn't wearing anything white, but my hair - set in a ponytail - was clinging to my back and right chin. Not paying any attention to the customers inside I looked at Kakashi who looked like a wet dog who just got out of the shower, arms spread apart, slouching and being the outmost uncomfortable.

A laugh bubbled in my stomach before it exploded. I'd never seem him look so uncomfortable and pathetic in my life. His hair was flat - well almost - and his navy blue pants clung to his legs and... Kakashi's behind was definitely well shaped.

He looked at me perplexed, over my sudden silence. Then he started chuckling softly and his laughter - infectious - made me start to laugh again.

"I know that look Toshi! You should see yourself." He said, his naturally low and slightly monotone voice still in effect though he was laughing.

"Psh, I'm not as pathetic looking as you." I retaliated jokingly.

"Mind your tongue." He responded raising an eyebrow teasingly at me. "Oh I forgot. You're only nineteen." He added

The older ninja pushed my shoulder hard and I stumbled sideways, not anticipating such a hard shove.

"What was that for?" I asked, still playing along on whatever this was.

"Something you deserved." he answered.

For a second I looked at him amused. It was rare seeing Kakashi being playful or even joke - at least being downright genuine about it.

I shoved him back, almost pushing him into the rain. He seemed surprised by the equally harsh push and suddenly we were fighting to get the other out in the rain. With one arm around his back, and his around mine, the wet sand beneath our feet seemed to deepen as our stubborn feet plunged into the ground. I couldn't help but laugh. Two ninjas playing a child's game in front of a lot of people. Speaking of:

"Excuse me. Would you please stop, you're scaring our costumers." a timid voice spoke from behind us.

We both froze, my back pressed hard against Kakashi's front as he had tried to push me into the rain. I almost fell when he straightened up before we awkwardly apologized. She allowed us to stay until the rain stopped. Kakashi sat down at the only chair standing outside, elbows on his knees. I felt like the space between us should be smaller.

"If I sit down, dirt are going to cling to me pants." I commented absentmindedly.

His eyes wondered lazily to mine as he tilted his head. I could almost see the wheels turning in his head as he thought of his next words. He leaned back exhausted and put his hands on his thighs.

"If you want a lap it's yours." He said laying it on casually although I knew it was big deal... For both of us.

I blinked at him surprised while I fought to keep my heart rate normal. I'd even slept in his arms, and yet I felt myself over-heating.

"Um... Sure." I said, trying to act as casual as he did. He sensed my confusion and smiled cheekily. That only made me more willing to do it.

It wasn't as tense as I had thought. When I sat down on his right thigh, he scooped an arm around to lean on the armrest, while I put my arm 'casually' on his shoulder. The closeness was overwhelming at first, feeling him through such thin layers of clothes against my back. But as his warmth seeped into me, we both started to relax. He rested the side of his head lightly against my hand by his cheek. I felt his hair tickle my shoulder, feeling like he should put and arm around me. This was nice. I wondered if this was normal for him. It wasn't my impression though. So many things changed in one day.

A deep rumbling thunder echoed from somewhere in the distance, yet birds was still singing. We sat in sudden forced silence, listening to the sound of drooping rain. There was something tranquil about the moment, like there finally was this unspoken acceptance between us. The rain stopped.

"I forgot my shirt." I thought out loud.

"... Me too." He answered softly, seeming genuinely relaxed and in deep thought.

Something inside me stirred. I'd almost forgotten that I was supposed to prepare for my investigation on the forbidden archives. I glanced at Kakashi and bit my lip, torn between spending the rest if my day with him or do what I was supposed to. But the rain had stopped. It was time to move on. No more excuses to be sitting on his lap.

"I think I'll pick it up later. I have some things I promised myself to do today." I admitted, not entirely telling him a lie.

"Oh..." He looked a bit surprised and tilted his head up "Of course."

He scratched the back of his head seeming embarrassed about something. I raised an eyebrow at him. Although we had just had a major breakthrough in sharing feelings, I still didn't expect much change in him. But here it was, that little change I caught him show a few times after our fight.

I got up, suddenly feeling cold by being away from him. The grey haired ninja got up too, dusting off his pants on instinct.

"I'll pick up your shirt. Don't worry about it." He said eyes turning soft in that odd way they did when we were in Suna.

"Thank you!" I enthused and bit my lip, I didn't want to sound too happy, although everything inside me was bubbling in butterflies and longing to be with him.

"Thanks for a good spar." He said our proximity suddenly seeming closer than normal.

"You too. And it was nice to finally spill the beans." I admitted, tucking some of my damp hair behind my ear.

"Yeah." His eyes turned indifferent again "You're right."

There was so many things he didn't say in that moment, I could sense that. He was still coming to terms with sharing so much of himself with someone else, or at least, someone like me. I turned around, not much more able to resist the draw to him.

"I'll see you around." I said, smiling softly at him.

Setting into a sprint I barely heard his goodbye. But I had to get away. My body was reacting so strangely to him. I couldn't muster it anymore...

**.**

Getting to know who I was dealing with, I started figuring out the routine of the night shift guard who supposedly stood watch at the Hokage's archive. He was a middle-aged man by the name of Minori Rokoru who slept at day and left his house again at 2 pm for his daily routine. He had a girlfriend living in the lower parts of Konoha he would visit now and then, if he was not out drinking with some of his comrades.

The guard taking the day shifts was a father of two daughters, living in a smaller mansion at the outskirts of the upper district. He was in much better shape than the night shift guard and was fairly sensitive to his surroundings.

It was easy which one to choose as victim. If I had to break into that building without being discovered I had to know every little detail to perform this operation correctly.

Starting to grow fairly good at blending into the crowd, I stalked Minori for a couple of days without causing any suspicion. I had no time to visit Kenshin nor any time to see anyone except for Gai in the morning.

Standing behind a stand in the market district, eyes subtly focused on the black haired archive guard - for some time - I had been watching him pick out different kind of sakes from a salesman from the country of waves.

I crossed my arms and tugged the hoodie I was wearing closer around my neck. My hair was too distinctive to go unnoticed by, so I had to wear something that looked casual but still hid my hair. While the oblivious man was once again persuaded into trying a more expensive sake, he was unbeknownst of the fact that his bad habit of tasting liqueur before work was ultimately his biggest weakness.

"What're you doing?"

Jerking in shock, I looked at Kakashi who was standing by my side casually, hands tugged into his pockets as he looked over at the liqueur stand I had been watching. For a heartbeat, adrenalin washed through me at the thought of having been caught.

"Nothing. Just hanging." I responded casually and shrugged.

Out of nowhere Kakashi grabbed my arm and started dragging me towards a nearby ally. I was so startled by his actions that I followed completely flabbergasted, by-passers giving us strange looks. _He's mad... I can feel it. He's definitely not glad. Oh god, I'm busted_. A sudden fear rose in me, his iron-grip around my wrist seeming to tighten as we went along. He shoved me up against a wall like a rag-doll and I grunted, suddenly becoming fired up at his bad treatment. The last time I'd seen him like this was when we were about to leave for the land of ice.

"What're you doing Toshi?!" He hissed, towering over me, still holding tightly onto my wrist to have a certain control of me.

"What're you talking about?! Let go of me!" I growled at him and tried to snatch my hand away.

But Kakashi wasn't stupid. Why did I even bother to lie to him? He could easily put two and two together. Asking him about the archive and then finding me accidentally hanging out around the night shift guard. Not quite so clever on my side.

"You have been keeping Minori under surveillance haven't you? If you're thinking about what _I_ think you're about to do, you better stop right now." He hissed.

Something I hadn't felt in a long time rose in me. It was Eien's chakra that surged through me, and her restlessness starting to rise as my own temperament did.

"Kakashi, let go." I said dryly, scowling at him while trying to maintain my composure.

"Not before you tell me what you're planing!" He bristled and leaned forward, looking at me levelly, his eyes determined and none wavering, trying frustrated - I assumed - to read my mind.

I grabbed his collar with my free hand gritting my teeth in restraint and pulled myself closer to him in pure defiance.

"Let. Go!" I warned. He didn't waver one bit at the threat in my voice, but only seemed to tower more over me.

"No." He responded, grabbing my other wrist and wriggled my hand free of his collar.

Green eyes stared into one onyx, the tension growing thick. I could barely muster a word in restraint from keeping Eien's murderous instincts at bay. I had polished the instinct, but it could still push me over the edge.

"I-I I can't." I breathed, trying with all my might to fight back her instincts.

A cold scowl lingered on his features for a moment before realization seemed to dawn upon him, and his eyes widened briefly as his grip on my wrists loosened.

"I just need a sec." I added, averting my eyes from his intense gaze when I felt him turn down the determination a notch.

Panting in exhaustion I looked at Kakashi's shoes as he let me calm down. The sense of security and understanding he gave me was overwhelming for a brief moment, so I allowed myself to lean my forehead against his chest, close to his neck. _He_ allowed it, not backing down one inch as I panted away, sweat starting to trickle down my forehead.

"Just take your time." He said softly and released my wrists.

I breathed through my nose and exhaled through my mouth as Gai had taught me. This was a major downfall. How come the chakra was suddenly triggered so badly?

"Should I?.."

Kakashi's hand traveled up to my shoulder suggestively.

"No!" I breathed, shrugging his hand away.

I remembered clearly the last time this had happened so badly - in the woods where we had found two robbers. Kakashi had stroked the area around the pearl in my neck immediately snapping me out of that murderous state of mind. But this time I could control it myself.

He respectfully understood and just left his long hand on my shoulders as I started to get it under control.

"Sorry." I growled, closing my eyes to concentrate on the feel of his hand comfortingly on my shoulder.

He sighed softly in response "Don't be. You can't help it."

With slower breaths, finally getting the chakra under control I lifted my head away and adjusted my eyes to his marine blue shirt. When I slowly looked up, I met his worried eyes, a hidden determination still lingering in them. He wasn't going to let the subject go.

"Why did that just happen?" He asked, hand still resting on my shoulder.

"I-I don't know." I breathed "Guess it was the heat of the discussion." and the fact that it was him I got rilled up about. I was falling too deeply for him.

"It's my fault. Sorry for attacking you like that." He said that like he talking about something humiliating.

Well well well, he was really starting to show some care for me lately.

"No... Thank you for being there for me." I admitted with much effort and wasn't able to look him in the eyes "You're the only one who knows about these 'happenings'"

**Kakashi's POV.**

It touched him deep down to see the green eyed blonde struggle like that. It mortifyingly reminded him of that time in the cave in the land of ice, where she'd been screaming out in pain before Eien had taken over her body. He cursed himself for not noticing sooner that she was struggling. The worst thing was, that he could do nothing about it. At least he wasn't _allowed_ to help her, and he had to respect that.

More over, as he had realized that she was plotting to break into the forbidden archive, he was down right frightened for her future. Not that she would turn into a bad person, but frightened that she would be caught and thrown into prison again. He could never forgive himself if she ended up there again. The mere fact the he even got angry with her had shocked him deep down. She was affecting him a lot - a lot more than anyone else lately.

"You're the only one who knows about these 'happenings'" She muttered, leaning defeated against the wall.

He felt that pull towards her again, her fingers clutching his shirt, urging him forward. He gulped, eyes traveling to the hollow of her throat, his anger suddenly turning into something entirely not anger. After their spar a week ago, he felt like he was slipping away, loosing himself somehow, by constantly having her in the back of his mind. Even his books couldn't distract him, or he would find himself imagining her into the books. It wasn't like him at all... She really got under his skin.

In that moment Kakashi was brought face to face with the realization that protecting her was the single most important thing in his life. Because without her...

No, he couldn't think like that. He blinked at her and tried to gain back a passive facade, although her liquid green eyes didn't make it damned easier.

"Please don't do this Toshi." He begged, removing his hand from her shoulder to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"I have to." She said, jaw locked in determination.

"You know what will happen if you get caught."

"Yes. But I know what I'm doing. I've even got the Root and ANBU that are keeping watch over me, fooled by clones." She explained.

_Those eyes_, he thought to himself seeing the fierce determination that shone through.

"You don't know what you're getting yourself into." He sighed, for a moment allowing her to see how worried he was.

Unbeknownst to him, she could already see that, and was fighting an inner battle, knowing that she could disappoint him easily if this failed.

"That's why I'm preparing so thoroughly. I _have_ to know Kakashi. I have to know how the system works. I have to know who Root is and who ANBU is. It's nagging me every single day that I'm incapable of protecting myself against all these authorities because I have no clue about who they are and how they operate." She sighed and looked away. "I wont ask you to betray your village by giving me classified information Kakashi. That's why I have to do this my own way."

Kakashi felt like he was listening to himself talking. She would draw her own conclusions rather than just accepting what she was told, just like he would do himself. He'd done the exact same thing once, breaking into the hokages private archive. The only difference was that he had been caught by the hokage himself.

"Please let me do this Kakashi!" She begged frustrated.

Why couldn't he just tell her no? Why did he always find himself in dilemmas between those he cared about and the village. He couldn't turn her in, he knew that much. But he was afraid - afraid of making the wrong choice like he'd done before. He studied her clear eyes for a moment, finding himself getting lost in them. He cared too much for her to restrain her anymore. The copy ninja sighed in defeat.

"On the north side of the building, under a round window on the upper story is a shaft." Toshi's eyes widened at the information he was suddenly giving her "Crawl inside of that, make sure to be soundless and conceal you chakra. Take the first left turn, then continue on until you can turn right again. Crawl straight and you'll find an opening which ends directly above the archive."

"Wait wait wait! How do you know this? It's almost as if you've done this yourself." She said in disbelief.

"That's because I have." He gave her a serious look, one that told her to keep this a secret. "The only difference was that I was caught by the hokage himself. Make sure to not make that mistake." He warned her.

"But why did you do it? You're like mr. loyal mcloyal" She breathed, not even attempting to hide her astonishment.

The tall grey haired man gestured for her to lower her voice, glancing suspiciously around the rooftops.

"Let's go and talk somewhere else." He said, suggesting with his body that they should leave the ally.

She stood for a second, looking after him dumb-founded before she trudged to his side as they entered the broad streets of the market district, shops about to close down for the day.

"I don't get it. Why're you helping me?" She said, trying briskly to follow his long strides.

Yes, that was the question. He couldn't ever possibly hope to express that to her. He cared about her. He cared about Gai too and other ninjas in the village. He would do the same for Gai, but for others? He wasn't even sure himself why he did it. She was a criminal on probation for crying out loud... And also an intelligent, beautiful, strong, young woman with a vigorous free spirit who happened to have a soft spot for him and sought out his guidance. Flattered, he felt a surge of heat at that thought. The pull he felt towards her was becoming a nuisance, now even getting him into trouble.

It made him feel special, though he disbanded that feeling as soon as he felt it. He didn't like to feed his ego, but he couldn't change the fact that he was one of Konoha's most special ninjas. Yet, with her, he felt a different kind of special. Like, he wanted to be around her all the time, even touch her, because she was uniquely as special to him as he was to her. She would always have his back and maybe now it was his turn to have _her_ back. Deep down he knew she would even break the laws for him, even follow him if he choose to betray Konoha one day.

Subconsciously Kakashi's mind was dealing with everything they had been through, while he shoved back feelings and emotions and urges that got harder and harder to deny every day he did. His mind was subconsciously putting all facts and feelings that he tried so hard to ignore - together into one sum up...

"I'm asking myself that too."

**Toshi's POV**

This was certainly a change in character. Settling down at a ramen shop, Kakashi explained without great details why he had once broken into the archive. Apparently in his ANBU years he'd been approached by this Danzo, about suspicions towards The Lord hokage and had made it his own agenda to find out what was really going on. I had a feeling there was much more to the story than what he told me, but decided not to press the subject as he was already helping me doing something illegal. It was at times like these that I would never even consider questioning our bond.

"You really surprised me when you decided to help me. I was even afraid you were going to blab to the hokage." I admitted in a hushed voice.

Kakashi had a kind of defeated look to him, like he had given up always being against me, instead deciding to accept my choices. It was very unlike him, especially when I was going to do something this reckless. But then again, he had done this himself once.

"Well... I can't keep treating you like a criminal anymore. You're much more than that." He sounded like he was confessing a humiliating weakness.

I almost thought I didn't hear right. Startled I looked at him, and him at me, his expression calm and honest. I felt my cheeks heat up, blood pumping in my ears at the realization that he finally acknowledged me, not only as an independent being, but also as a close friend he cared about.

"Kakashi, I don't know what to say." I subtly clenched my fist, trying to hide how moved I was.

"Thanks." I added, not able to look at him while saying it.

"You shouldn't thank me."

I looked back at him surprised. What did he mean?

"You shouldn't thank me for stating the obvious. I should've told you this a long time ago." Now he was the one not able to look at me.

I gulped. He really meant what he was saying. He was being vulnerable-Kakashi again. The tension between us was thick, as it often was lately. I just stared at him in disbelief, not quite able to comprehend what was going on between us. Grown used to staying away from him and keep a minimum amount of physical contact, I had to admit that I found it hard not to capture him in a bone crushing hug right in that moment. He was so damned _hot_, sitting there all tall, with his head in one hand, while gazing distantly ahead, his broad shoulders relaxed through the thin fabric of the navy blue ninja shirt.

Looking back at my noodles I tried to regain my common sense, but found myself so touched by his words that I couldn't think of anything else. My stomach was like tied up in a knot of feelings that just waited to explode at something or someone.

"Well, you're not that bad yourself." I admitted softly. _Really_? That was the best I could come up with?!

I tried to save it by giving him a sheepish smile as he looked at me, seeming to live up a bit. Kakashi was about to say something when:

"Toshi?"

I turned around perplexed when a familiar voice snapped me out of Kakashi and I's little world.

"Kenshin?"

The tall black haired ninja stood, halfway inside the area of the ramen shop, like he had seen me from the street, but wasn't sure of it was me he had seen. Kenshin's eyes wandered to Kakashi who just looked at him plainly. Clearly it didn't suit him one bit I was eating dinner with the infamous copy ninja.

"What're you doing here? I thought you were... I thought you were busy." He said, not able to hide the jealousy in his eyes. I had told Kenshin a couple of times now that I didn't have the time to see him, and seeing me here with Kakashi probably gave him the wrong idea.

Well, he _had_ just interrupted a pretty important conversation. It wasn't very fair of me, but Kakashi would always be my number one priority.

"Just catching up with Kakashi here." I said bluntly and tilted my head towards Kakashi.

"Oh... Alright." He answered, trying hard to hide his disappointment.

"Well then I won't disturb you anymore." He added and gave me a half-hearted smile.

"I'll see you another day Kenshin." I answered, giving him a serious nod.

Now wasn't really a good time to explain anything to him. Not that he was ever going to know what I was planning. I didn't trust him enough for that. He nodded to me and then to Kakashi before disappearing into the street again.

"That was kind of cold." The grey haired ninja commented, eyes still looking into the street indifferently.

"What? No it wasn't." I responded and started shoveling down the last soup in my bowl.

"He thinks we're on a date." Kakashi continued.

"Well, then he doesn't read me very well. Not as well as you at least."

His eyes sparkled for the briefest of moments before he turned to his bowl of ramen soup.

"I don't know if you know this yourself. But you have a way of reaching people. That strange ability you have to sense peoples presence and mood, being able to manipulate your chakra out of your body, I think it subconsciously makes people feel like they have a connection to you." Kakashi looked into his soup, stirring his chopsticks around the remaining ramen.

"We've been around each other so much that I can't help knowing you so well, even if I don't want to." He added.

I found myself waiting for him to say that last thing: 'that's why I can't keep my distance and push you away, no matter how hard I try.' But it never came. It would be too out of character of him to keep on talking about what was going on in his mind.

"I never thought about it that way. I just thought it was paying off to be nice to people." I smiled sheepishly at him.

"I guess that helps a bit too." He answered cheekily soft.

I couldn't believe he was admitting that we had something special - that he couldn't just forget about me by staying away. We had become too close.

.

This was it. This what what I had prepared for. Crouching in the top of a roof, clad in black clothes the pale moonlight was lighting up the hokages building. The city lay before me. The night air smelled of leaves and smoke and the moon cast a pale light out amongst thin skies.

"Nephtys, Heket." I called in a low voice.

The two cats emerged from the shadows behind me, their calm cunning movements and piercing eyes reminding me how dangerous the two could be.

"Yes Lady Toshi." They said in unison.

"Check the perimeters of the building. Notify me of anyone is standing watch and their whereabouts." I commanded and gave the cats a confirming nod.

"Heket?" The female cat looked at the white male cat.

"I'm on it." The male said, having recovered from his wounds.

Nephthys stood by my side, her black figure seeming to blend in with the surroundings, except her fierce blue eyes. The two had a telepathic bond, one the informer while other one was the investigator.

I had spend a considerable amount of time with Nephthys and Neshkent in my apartment, not just for help with the planning of this, but also to get to know them.

"There is a couple at the eastern corner. Heket is making them leave." Nephthys said.

I nodded in response. I hadn't spend much time with Heket. He was still mentally wounded at his defeat, but would do anything if Nephthys thought it was worth it. But he was an invaluable component when working with the two cats. Without the other they wouldn't work as efficiently.

"They're gone." She said.

A cold wind blew across the roofs as we waited in silence. I fought a shiver, deeply focused on the mission ahead.

"Clear." She simply said.

On cue I was off the roof. Every step and route was planned down to fine details. Hiding my chakra I landed on a terrace just as a shadow of a guard disappeared around the corner. Not wasting a second I jumped upwards, using every pipe and window to reach the roof from a safe ankle. The night was dark, the large circle rooftop darker. Wind whipped through my clothes, making the fabric snap. I glanced around the roof hoping no one could hear.

"A guard has stopped." Nephthys emerged beside me as if she stepped right out of the a shadow.

I moved swiftly into the shadows where the moon didn't touch, standing silently as a statue. There were guards stationed around the building and every ten minutes one of them would check the rooftop. If one stopped it meant he could maybe feel my presence at certain places. It seemed like minutes of holding my breath before Nephthys spoke again.

"Go." She said and I was back to running across the rooftop.

I reached the other side, and swooped down to hang across the edge, using a high voltage box as footing. Another shadow disappeared around the corner. I swung down, using a gutter as leverage and found the round window. It was small, but I managed to use it as footing and gathered my body almost cat-like to get a grip at the bars in front of the window.

My muscles was burning as I slowly raised myself down to the shaft and freed one hand to soundlessly screw bolts free of the shaft entrance. Sweat was starting to show on my forehead and the stress of the time limit was ever becoming more and more present.

"You must hurry." Nephthys stood at the high voltage box above me, her tail swinging swiftly back and forth.

It took some time and if I started to rush the process I would only drag out the time. Now came the tricky part. I lifted off the metal plate, still hanging in one handand lifted myself up, fighting not to groan at the effort. I almost threw myself inside the shaft, put down the metal plate and with much effort turned around to fasten it loosely. I curled up and turned around once again and started crawling, turning on a small flashlight and putting it in my mouth. Nephthys was behind me, how, I didn't know.

There was a dangerous silence to the shaft, a silence so deep it could be heard. I was somewhere I wasn't supposed to be, breaking rules, putting my entire future on the line, just to gather information for personal use. I realized how insane this was, but the thrill of the game gave me a wild kick of adrenalin. I crawled accordingly to the instructions Kakashi had given me and soon found an opening in the shaft. Once again screwing bolts free, I lifted the plate of metal, stuck my head down and lit around the room with my flashlight.

My eyes widened at the immense amount of books and scrolls stacked on high bookshelves. I jumped down silently, hoping the liquor I had persuaded the merchant from the hidden mist to sell, was working its wonders.

I started searching through shelves, a tense knot permanently having settled in my stomach. I didn't like being here. I found a shabby old journal with a leather-bound cover, on the side saying "Notes on Root." That sounded promising.

I carefully drew out the journal, noting it's position and went to a square table in the center of the archive. I blew off some dust, and opened the pages. In a nice but comely handwriting the name 'Hiruzen Sarutobi' was scribbled down.

_Notes on Root for future hokages:_

_~ Root carries out missions that Danzo believes will benefit Konoha. Because of its core views as "the unseen ones who support the great tree of Konoha from the depths of the earth", some of these missions has been less than respectable. The organization's top priority is its secrecy, and most of its missions are carried out in the dark - autonomous of my authority. Also unlike normal Anbu, members of Root take orders only from Danzo instead of the Kage, unless ordered to otherwise._

_~ Root has been officially disbanded after the Uchiha Clan Massacre due to Danzo spearheading the tragedy, but remains active as an underground organization._

Right, I _did_ hear about the massacre. It was definitely a black chapter in the history of Konoha. A whole clan slaughtered by one of it's own members. My thoughts went to Sasuke, the silent black haired child with eyes as cold as mine had once been.

_~ Root is an extremely strict, and secretive group and as such each member of the organization has a cursed seal imprinted on the back of their tongues by Danzo, which when activated, will paralyse their entire body if they try to speak anything about Danzo or the organisation, rendering them unable to speak or move._

I read the last thing over twice. That was seriously disturbing. To have ones freedom of speech taken away like that.

_~ Danzo trains his members to lose their emotions by growing up as brothers from a young age, only to later be made to kill each other. This is done to kill any sense of sentiment or emotional attachment. This method was extremely similar, if not identical, to the Kirigakure Academy's former graduation test. Each member has a codename; even the members themselves apparently do not know their original names. Slow, long-term brainwashing has also been used to further the success of a mission._

_~ Danzo recruit Root members himself, without my interference. He favors those from clans who possess special techniques, such as the Aburame, Yamanaka, and Uchiha clan. Interestingly enough, those who are selected don't go through the traditional training that requires them to kill their team-mates._

The rest was not important, only descriptions and bad drawings of basic Root gear. I tapped the book in thought. The intel was relatively disturbing and definitely told more about the Root than I had hoped. But my curiosity was still not settled. I turned some more pages, but they were blank. Apparently, even the hokage didn't know much about the Root.

"Someone's coming." Nephthys was at my side on cue, her heaven-blue eyes piercing mine.

A feel of dread washed through me. I smacked the journal close, suddenly breathing quicker in fear.

"Who and from where?" I asked, trying my best to keep my mind cool and logical.

"Heket is following him through the shaft." She answered.

My heartbeat dropped, the fear replaced with confusion.

"The shaft?" I muttered.

The hokage couldn't be following me through the shaft. Just picturing that old man crawling in there only to catch me off guard, was simply wrong.

"Give the command and he shall attack." She said, twisting slowly as she walked, urgency evident in her voice.

If I reached out my chakra to feel the mind he would simply feel my presence. It was a long shot, but I clutched the journal close and hid behind one of the bookshelves, my heart starting to hammer again. If I was seen, I would be kicked out of Konoha society permanently.

"It is the human that helped you, when you were poisoned by Heket." The black cheetah said, moving with me around the shelves.

"The what?" Realization dawned upon me "Kakashi?"

"No no! He's a friend." I added promptly

I strode back and looked up at the opening in the shaft. Kakashi was just as sneaky as he was intelligent. I couldn't sense him at all. Surely I was becoming in need of these two cats.

Grey hair popped up and an indifferent expression peeped out from the hole in the shaft.

"Hey there." He whispered casually and waved at me.

I shot him a glare, putting my hands on my hips. What on earth was he doing here? And how did he know I would strike today?

"Have you been stalking me?!" I hissed at him.

"No... Perhaps a bit." He said, scratching his hair before he moved to jump down. He raised himself down, before letting go and landing soundlessly on the floor.

"What're you doing here Kakashi? You're going to get us caught." I hissed, eyes blazing at him.

"That was kind of offending." He said raising and eyebrow.

I crossed my arms stubbornly and stared at his tall form, standing in a forbidden place like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Okay okay." He said raising his hands in defense. "I thought that since you were going here anyways I might as well follow you. There is a book in here I would like to take a closer look at."

"Sometimes you really surprise me. No one would ever suspect _you_ of doing a thing like this. Yet you know that, and use it to your advantage." I said, and thought it through afterwards. The copy ninja surely was indifferent to matters of honor when it came to these things. But no one knew.

He smiled cheekily - it was evident under the mask - and patted me hard on the shoulder.

"You figured me out." He said teasingly and walked past me seeming to search for a specific section.

"Anyways. I just read a few things about Root. But I want to find something more specific." I whispered.

Nephthys stalked silently beside me, her eyes fixed mistrustfully on Kakashi. His long hand ghosted over a row of books before he pulled our another journal.

"Here's one." He said and threw at me. I grabbed it awkwardly, my temperament rising at his indiscretion.

"Could you be more careful?!" I hissed before gathering my composure. "How many times have you been in here anyway?"

He surely knew where the books where placed. I squinted my eyes at his back. Kakashi wasn't Konoha's elite ninja for nothing - he even broke some of the laws for his own purposes, not regarding any of the consequences that could follow. He was _that_ confident in his skills.

He shrugged "A few times now and then."

Clutching the journal I simply turned around to read it in peace, leaving him to find whatever he needed to read.

_Known missions of Root,_ I read, scribbled down in another handwriting than Sarutobi's. The author was unknown.

_Infiltrate Iwagakure_

_Assigned to: Nono Yakushi_

_Outcome: Success_

_Danzo had Nono who is regarded as an elite in the field of intelligence gathering, infiltrate Iwagakure in order to confirm intelligence they received that Iwagakure was planning to attack Konoha. Though she initially refused as she had left the organisation, she eventually accepted the mission. She successfully infiltrated the village and remained there for several years. She was critically wounded, however, after attacking Kabuto Yakushi whom had also infiltrated the village as a spy._

_Infiltrate Great Hidden Villages_

_Assigned to: Kabuto Yakushi_

_Outcome: Success_

_Danzo had Kabuto placed into all the other Great Hidden Villages (and possibly other villages) over the course of a few years to spy on them for Root._

I scowled at the two missions. Apparently two ninjas from Konoha had been fighting against each other. I put a hand to my chin and read on.

_Assassinate Kabuto/Nono_

_Assigned to: Nono Yakushi, Orochimaru_

_Outcome: Failure/Partial Success_

_Kabuto and Nono has become a threat to Root, after they have become "too good" of spies, Danzo has both individuals kill each other. Slowly brainwashing Nono, by gradually switching photos of Kabuto with pictures of a different person and saying it was him, Danzo revealed that Kabuto had joined Root for the orphanage's sake and told her that they would release him once she assassinated a certain person. Unbeknownst to her when she was carrying out this mission, she was attacking the real Kabuto. Ultimately, Nono was cut down by Kabuto who fled after she didn't remember him. This mission culminated in Nono's death. Orochimaru who was supposed to kill either one who survived, turned treacherous and did not complete the mission._

I stared at the page in disbelief. This was so corrupt that I could barely comprehend it. Someone from Konoha, a simple man named Danzo, killed off fellow Konoha ninja's because they were becoming "too good". What. The. Fuck.

The Uchiha clan popped into my head. It was the most famous and strong clan of all time and they had supposedly all been killed at the same time because of a clan member seeking power. At least that was what the public knew about the incident. I squinted my eyes: what if the Uchiha clan massacre was some kind of plot too? I glanced at Kakashi, wondering if I was being too suspicious and if I should keep these thoughts to myself.

"Is it true that the Uchiha massacre was coursed by a clan-member seeking power?" I asked Kakashi.

"Uh... Yeah, it was Itachi Uchiha. The prodigy of the clan at that time." Kakashi answered absentmindedly.

"How do you know that's true?" I asked.

"I don't see why else he should slaughter his own family." Kakashi said with a shrug, still searching for some book.

What if Itachi was commanded to slaughter his clan for the benefit of the village? After what I had just read, it seemed like a possibility. A scary one at that. Konoha was suddenly not the happy utopia I thought it was. I kept these suspicions to myself though, seeing that Kakashi had no seconds doubts about the massacre.

"This is messed up. I'm never getting involved with Root." I whispered frozen.

Kakashi moved up behind me and slightly around to peep at the pages. His chest touched my shoulder blade and his presence overwhelmed me for a moment.

"Oh that affair. Yeah, pretty messed up." He said as if it wasn't a big deal.

"Do Konoha really do that!? I mean kill people if they become too good?" I whispered in disbelief.

Kakashi simply shrugged and turned one of the pages. "Sometimes things must be done for the benefit of the village. Of course this is Root affairs, and they are generally darker than other affairs. The ANBU devision, who are more public, usually keep out of things like that. But Danzo made a call on the assassination of Kaubto and Nono and Root obeyed. Kabuto is still alive though and lives in the city, unbeknownst to the fact that all of this was Danzo's doing. "

"This is why I have to know what the hell I'm running around doing. I take orders from the hokage, but I don't wear headband or mask. I could easily be caught up in some kind of scheme." I muttered.

"And that is why you aren't wearing a headband. You ask questions and you're too smart to be trusted to carry out orders without hesitation. You're not yet loyal to Konoha, only to yourself. I don't think the hokage would do anything to harm you though." He looked down at me a faint smile evident in his eye.

He was so close, and in the dim light of the flashlight, the room suddenly seemed small. I tore my eyes away and bit my lip.

"I suppose you're right about that." I answered softly.

Maybe I should stop thinking so much about the whole picture and just do as I was told. It was hard though. It went against my very nature. Kakashi strode around me and sat down in one of the chairs, carefully putting down a thick book.

"But I'm glad you wont get involved with Root. Although you're already more involved than you think." He said, opening the huge leatherback.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I said raising an eyebrow.

"You're so observant Toshi. Yet you fail to see the obvious." He said, half paying attention to me.

I felt my temperament rising. Why was he being so cryptic?!

"You'll find out what I'm talking about soon enough." He added, peeping briefly up and putting a thumb to his headband before raising it up to reveal the red sharingan.

I huffed deciding that I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of convincing him to tell me.

"It's that Orochimaru again. I've heard his name a few times before. Who exactly is he?" I asked and looked the page through once again.

"Oh..." Kakashi froze for a moment visibly uncomfortable at the name. "He was one of the legendary three sannins. He was the hokage's pupil and later joined Root to work directly under Danzo. He turned on the village, doing illegal experiments. Now he's an outlaw."

"I see. And you're sure there wasn't some kind of conspiracy behind that too?" I asked skeptically.

"Pretty sure. I was there when it happened." He muttered flipping through pages, his sharingan reading them in seconds.

I turned some of the pages, skimming the different missions written down. One in particular stood out as I read it. This was written in Sarutobi's own handwriting.

_Assassinate Hiruzen Sarutobi_

_Assigned to: Kinoe and several others_

_Outcome: Failure_

_Unable to tolerate Hiruzen's "passive" approach to governing Konohagakure, Danzo sought to eliminate him shortly after resuming his post following the death of the Fourth Hokage. His Root members were disguised as a foreign group. The plan failed before it even began as Kakashi Hatake — a new Root member — chose to inform the Third Hokage of the treason, taking the Third's place to lure out the assailants and consequently making Danzo power-hungry and amoral nature known._

I swallowed a lump in my throat, my eyes flickering to Kakashi. So he had been a member of Root once? But had chosen to act against his orders. I realized how much respect I was slowly getting for Kakashi. He acted purely out of moral choices rather than what he was ordered to do. I hoped I could be like that too at some point.

"You were Root once. You became that when you started doubting the hokage." I stated, remembering what he had told me a few days ago about his reasons for breaking in here the first time.

He looked up at me surprised "Yeah... I was, but it was mistake. No matter what Danzo says you should think twice about it. I didn't unfortunately."

"Pretty serious business that he attempted to murder the hokage. Why's this man still roaming the city freely?"

"There was no evidence that pointed to him. What you're reading is simply the hokage's suspicions." He said.

"Right..." I closed the journal thinking I had enough info about the Root and started searching for a book about the ANBU which was fairly easy to find compared to the Root journal

"Special Assassination and Tactical Squad" it said.

_~ ANBU black-ops take orders directly from the Kage, performing special high-level missions, such as assassinations and torture. The Anbu usually work in teams formed to the requirements of the mission, ensuring maximum success. The shinobi in the Anbu are hand-picked by the Kage, chosen for their individual capabilities and special skills. Age, gender, background, or previous rank bear no weight in this decision. Members can be relieved from the Anbu by the Hokage and reassigned elsewhere._

In Kakashi's case, he had been reassigned by Sarutobi from the Anbu to the regular forces as a jonin leader, I remembered.

_They wear their mask even in their own village, for their identity as an Anbu agent is to be known only by the Kage and village elders, with the exception of Konohagakure's "Root" Anbu members._

_Konoha ANBU are under direct control of the Hokage, and therefore, cannot be arrested by the regular police forces without a warrant. They protect the village from exceptional threats, conduct high-risk missions into enemy territory, and deal with extremely strong ninja. They are also responsible for carrying out assassinations, tracking, surveillance, and missions requiring specially trained ninja. Some ANBU serve as interrogators that probe the minds of enemy ninja to learn information valuable to the village. If an Anbu is mortally wounded in battle, they are required to destroy their bodies to prevent any information from getting into enemy hands._

Surely if I ever was to choose, ANBU sounded more appealing than Root. Maybe the hokage wanted me to become an interrogator as he very well knew about my ability to enter people's mind, but had to start me up as a basic assassin. I fought a shiver. God I hated this game of authority. So many question roaming around in my head!

"What're you looking for anyway?" I said and closed the book softly.

He was silent for a moment before answering "I'm looking in an old clan book, hoping to find some kind of clan that could match your abilities."

I was perplexed for a moment, blinking dumbly at him as I realized he was doing research on me.

"Detailed books about clans are kept in here to preserve their secrets, so it's hard to find anything in the public library. At first I thought you somehow belonged to the Yamanaka clan with your blonde hair and mind probing abilities. But they have a secret clan jutsu while your ability solely relies on your manipulation of chakra." He explained.

"... Wow. And how long have you been doing this research?" I asked, not really sure how to react to this.

He paused for a moment and looked at me lazily "I guess ever since I met you. But it was put on pause when I couldn't find more books to read and then I saw an opportunity today."

"Okay... So have you found anything in that one?" I asked and moved to sit beside him in a chair.

"No not yet." He said and continued going systematically through the pages. "Though I found a small sub section under a long dead clan that described a technique which tranfered souls or chakra into objects. That could explain Eien and that thing in your neck, but it doesn't explain your other ability."

I made a pondering sound, putting my chin in my hand, not able to read one sentence before Kakashi turned the next page. After three minutes, Kakashi stopped at a page that seemed to be descendants of the Sage of the six paths' son, whose name was unknown.

"Here's something." He muttered. "The Shiramoto clan. It's only mentioned in this small fragment, but it seems they are a sub-branch of the second son of the sage of six paths. In reference to the fact that chakra was wrongfully used inwardly for personal purposes, ninjutsu and genjutsu, it says: Only one family, the Shiramoto clan, practiced the gift of chakra - that was originally given to connect with one another - and knows how to reach out and connect in mutual understanding. The clan has long since been lost."

I put my hand on the page, studying it closely. "It doesn't say more?" I asked.

"No." He replied and looked at the next page.

"So... Maybe me real surname could me Shiramoto?" I said in thought.

"It could be a possibility. But we'll never find out I guess. Unless we stumble upon some more information about this clan." The grey haired ninja sighed relaxing the hand that held the flashlight.

"Interesting." I muttered.

Our chairs stood close and I felt his arm brush against mine, when he relaxed it on the armrest. I turned off my flashlight and leaned back comfortably, feeling strangely safe despite being somewhere I wasn't allowed. We both sat in silence for a while him reading the last pages and I - between my train of thoughts about ANBU and Root - thinking about how much I enjoyed his presence here. Every few second, though, my eyes shifted back to him. I didn't know what I expected to see, if anything. But I did it without thinking.

"There isn't anymore." He said and leaned back defeated.

I shrugged. Kakashi seemed more interested than me to find my origins. A piercing red eye glanced at me. I fought not to flinch away at the observant expression, like he was seeing right into my mind.

"We should leave and not linger more than necessary." I heard myself say.

"Agreed." He replied.

Soon I was removing the metal-plate by the shaft and peeped out into a silent rainy night. Kakashi was behind me, keeping silent as we were supposed to. Nephthys who was still working as a communicator between Heket and I, stood somewhere outside, telling me when the coast was clear.

I hung myself out of the shaft, doing my best to blend in with the surroundings as I took the same path back to the rooftop where I started, expecting Kakashi to clean every trace of our visit.

In a heartbeat he stood my side and not seconds after came Nephthys and Heket into view. My heart was still beating fast of the rush of adrenalin. Rain poured down on us but the mood was too strange to notice.

"Let's go." Kakashi said putting a hand on my shoulder in a friendly manner.

"Yeah." I turned around to the Yin and Yang cheetahs. "Thank you very much for your help, you two. This was a success."

"Lady Toshi, summon us whenever you have the need." Nephthys said nodding at me gracefully. Heket imitated her before they disappeared in a blur of smock.

Kakashi turned to me "Lady Toshi?" He said skeptically, raising an eyebrow.

"I know I know. It's their thing." I retorted, waving at him dismissively.

Kakashi's hair was heavy with rain, droplets of water leaking from strands of grey hair. It reminded me of our spar a few weeks ago and it subconsciously sparked some butterflies in my stomach by the thought of that day.

"My apartment is close." He seemed to hesitate as he paused, one of his hands clenching into a fist. "If you want you can sleep over at my place. At least you don't have to run all the way home in this weather." He sounded like he was explaining himself.

I didn't know if I liked that or if it was a bad thing. Nevertheless was I surprised at the invitation.

"Uhm, sure. It'll be like old times." I said.

Speaking before thinking was the correct term of use here. I was only torturing myself by accepting his invitation.

We sprinted through dark night like shadows. The winds grew colder and more blustery with every passing minute, the deep contrast of happy summer memories of running in the rain, colliding with memories of almost freezing to death in the land of ice. I had to marvel at Kakashi's composure though, swift and silent, with wind snapping through his clothes. I was truly lucky to have come so close to such a brilliant ninja as he.

**Kakashi's POV**

They came trudging inside his apartment, both soaked and wet from head to toe. He walked in and turned on the light, unsure of wether it was a good idea to invite her here. He could hear her take in a deep breath and turned around to ask her if she remembered the smell, but almost bit his tongue when he saw her.

From the moment he had seen her inside the archive, he immediately noted her black outfit as sexy. It didn't cling tightly to her body, but still enough to show her curves and legs. Now it was surely clinging to her body. He cleared his throat:

"Do you want to borrow a t-shirt and some shorts?" He asked her, wondering why he was suddenly feeling nervous.

She looked down at herself with a raised eyebrow. It was then he cursed himself for having looked her up and down. Obviously she had noticed.

"Yeah, I'm not going to sleep in this." She said wryly.

The elite ninja walked past her and started digging for some clothes. His apartment had really seemed empty without her, and her sudden presence here made him excited and nervous. It wasn't like him. As he had thought before, he felt like he was loosing himself, discovering a knew side that had been hidden away. He never felt nervous around girls. He was elite, top trained in keeping his emotions in check, but around her, who knew him so well, they just seemed to act on their own free will. He had realized that as the days since their spar had passed by.

He handed her one of his old t-shirts he used to wear and a pair of navy blue shorts and turned around to let her undress. As he listened to fabric untying, snapping now and then, he couldn't help but picture how the wet fabric would stick to her bared skin as she pulled it down. Her bare shoulders would tense before she tugged it down revealing her back of scars and then the tip of the round lush curves of her bottom.

Kakashi felt a heated urge starting to manifest itself in his groin and immediately took in a sharp breath in surprise. _This is Toshi! This is so unprofessional. Think of Gai, think of Gai, think of Gai._ He pictured the bushy brows and bowl hair cut and the ever smiling man in a too tight green jumpsuit... That helped a lot.

"There I'm done" she enthused.

He turned around and even though it was much better seeing her in an unflattering t-shirt he still couldn't help but think she looked cute.

"Anyways I'll go an brush my teeth-" He looked at the watch-"It's three in the morning. We better catch some sleep."

He gathered some dry clothes to sleep in and made it to the bathroom, finding that he had been tense up until he closed the door.

**Toshi's POV.**

I hung up my clothes as best as I could manage in Kakashi's little apartment, all around me his pine-like, manly scent overwhelming my senses. To think that we had lived two people here once, and now it was like we couldn't be here without the space seeming too small.

I sat down in his bed to feel the softness and with a glance around the room I took up his sheets and took in a long deep breath. God, his scent was so alluring. I put down the sheet reminding myself that Kakashi only saw me as a friend and wasn't attracted to me.

Soft sheets were hidden under his bed but I wasn't able to find the futon that had once been _my_ bed. Hesitantly I lay down closest to wall, convincing myself that it was ok to share bed as we had done it before. I folded my arms under my head and looked into the ceiling, an all to familiar feeling of safety and home coming over me.

With a sigh Kakashi came strolling inside, his posture relaxed and his face mask-less. He looked tired. The onyx eye rested on me while the other was closed, as he halted in the door way for a second.

"We're sharing bed now?" He commented, showing only the slightest discomfort about it.

My heart sunk momentarily, maybe he thought it was annoying to lie beside me. I _had_ been sitting on his lap, the day we had made him spill the beans, but still, I felt so much insecurity around this kind of stuff.

"Well I couldn't find the futon." I said with a shrug, trying my best to be casual about it "Besides I think we've done worse than sharing a bed."

"... I guess you're right about that. Kind of silly of me." He said and scratched his hair.

What was going on with him? His whole image was build upon being indifferent and none-affected by anything. This was what I had asked for, vulnerable-Kakashi who I liked, but I had to get used to see him feel things and show it.

I scooped closer to the wall as he lay down in the bed, fighting a bit with the covers to be in the right position. Staring at the ceiling I waited for him to settle down, and when he did we both lay beside each other awkwardly in silence.

_Why does this feel so intense though we're laying apart? _I thought to myself, fidgeting with the edge of the cover. I felt like a lost duo was back in business. None of use wouldn't admit how well we actually worked together and how safe we felt around eachother. At least that was what _I_ was feeling.

"So. Was it worth it?" He asked, breaking the silence.

"Definitely." I answered softly.

"How are you going to use the information you acquired?"

"... I'm not sure. Now I feel like I can make the right choices." I thought a bit on that one and looked Kakashi. "The hidden villages has been at peace for decade now. Although the battlefields offers easy moral choices and are forgiving of loud and flashy jutsu, I understand that peacetime missions favors stealth, cunning and discretion, and a firm grasp of situational ethics."

"Yes. Even though there's no war, threats can still be found all over the country." He responded.

"But those threats are lurking in the shadows and needs to be dealt with in silence to avoid a domino-effect." I said.

My grey haired friend glanced at me from the corner of his eyes, and endless stream of thoughts hidden behind them. Then he smirked softly at me, his spare upper lip and full lower lip twitching in amusement. Kakashi's eyes were deep set, I noted. It made him look foreign sometimes but also made him look that much more handsome and unique. He ruffled my hair with his long hand in a brotherly manner.

"You're going to do well. Maybe too well. You'll just end up surpassing me one day."

Even the muscle in his forearm was taut, defined. I slapped his hand away, knowing my hair looked stupid now, especially when being damp. Shooting him a glare I turned on my side to face him better.

"I've already surpassed you." I said and smirked, tugging the pillow under my chin.

His eyes rested briefly somewhere else than my eyes before they flickered back.

"No you haven't. I won the spar." He said cheekily.

"A taijutsu spar if I may remind you." I retaliated.

"And I won." He said simply and turned.

I was baffled when he reached his arm over me and started leaning closer to hover slightly over me.

"It wasn't a true test of strength." I said, trying my best not to squeak.

He leaned his face close to mine, which reminded me of lying inches away from a wolf's fangs. He either faked his oppressing confidence or he was messing me with again. I set my jaw defiantly, staring right back at him. I felt like I had the choice to either look away and submit, or keep the eye contact in challenge, just like dogs did. His breathing came down on me warm and sweet, and the hollow between our bodies became warm in an instant. And by mistake I felt an emotion roll off of him. A wave of something warm and longing, and by the blink of an eye it was gone.

Then he turned off the lights on the wall behind me and fell back on his side of the bed, leering victoriously. Something in me deflated like an untied balloon. That had been so intense and this time it wasn't just from my side, even though he was putting on a mocking grin. If hadn't felt that, I would've just thought he had been messing with me again, but the emotion was definitely there.

"Well as I said, maybe one day." He said and yawned, turning his back towards me, nuzzling into the covers.

I just stared the back of his head flabbergasted. That feel of emotion that rolled off him for a second. Had that really come from him? That meant he wasn't annoyed with me. Actually on the contrary, he liked staying this close to me.

"Anyway. I'm too tired to discuss. Thank you for being there for me today. Sleep well." I managed to say, keeping my voice carefully neutral.

"Yeah well don't get used to it... Sleep well." He said softly.

Maybe he liked me more than I gave him credit for. I thought back at our spar when I had sparked some goosebumps on his neck and the way he had acted, letting me sit on his lap and all. But I thought it was all in a friendly manner, at least from his side. I knew we had something special, but... God, I couldn't even explain the feeling that had rolled off him, to myself.

I nuzzled into the covers, listening to the rain outside tapping against his window, basking in Kakashi's scent. I was welcome here. I was wanted here beside him, even if he didn't want to admit that himself. A smile tugged in the corner of my lips. I was going to sleep safe and sound tonight.

* * *

**Phew that was a long one. **

**In tribute to all my 100 followers I was thinking about making a short summer filler for the next chapter. That means it won't intirely interfere with the plot. I was thinking to make a "Shinobi beach trip", which would invole a lot of the original character (And of course Toshi and Kakashi) in a more casual chapter, where they all enjoy a day at the beach. - Would you guys like that, or should I just write the next _real_ chapter? **

**Anyways give me your thoughts on this one, and I'll try to update as soon as I can :D**


	19. Air for life Chapter 19

**Hello everyone! **

**Well, I wanted this chapter to be shorter than the last but...  
I guess I can't help myself! This one os the longest so far, 30.000 words, omfg, no wonder you guys are growing impatient! **

**I've been reading all these amazing reviews you guys are giving me, and I am forever grateful for every single one! I received one mind-blowing review from Scarlette Winter, which humbled me a great deal. Having so many amazing people following and reading my story (And reviewing it every time a new chapter comes up) is invigorating! I love reading how you all 'feel' what the characters feel, that's what make a great story for me. **

**I check every single profile out of people who review, follow or favorite my story. It's fun to see which kind of people read my story. :D**

**To answer some of your questions.  
- I will never NOT continue this story or forget it. I'm constantly working on chapters actually, there's just life and work in the way, therefore each chapter takes about 1-1,5 months to write. This story is my baby :D  
- To Scarlette Winter (And others thinking the same) I see the resemblance to Kushina now you mention it. But when I started this story, I don't even think Kushina was invented yet, so I never had her in mind, although she's an awesome character! I woud like to answer some of Scarlette's other questions but they are kind of spoilers, sorry. **

**Also people didn't seem to want the "filler" so I just dropped it, heh. **

**Enjoy! **

* * *

"Yes lord hokage." Said the blonde girl, standing stoic and proud as she always did.

"This mission acquires stealth and cunning. We have a suspicion that someone in the village hidden in rain is providing Akatsuki shelter, if not food. We want you to investigate and gather intel on such rumors. Can you handle that?" He asked her.

Her green eyes showed no emotions whatsoever, and Hiruzen knew that it was to Danzo's liking. Said person was standing by his side along with the two elder counsellors.

"Of course." She said plainly her eyes shifting to the other three people in the room.

"Fine. I will expect you to be back in a two weeks time with a report... and be careful." He replied and gave her a curt nod.

She bowed, something she had started to do gradually after she had started to take on missions on her own. Toshi left quietly and Hiruzen felt like the air lifted a notch.

"She has become a valuable attribute to Konoha." Homura said, the elder grey haired man who bore glasses and a long white cloak.

"Your decision of bringing her to Konoha under Kakashi's care was definitely the right one." Koharu added, the elder woman with squinting wrinkled eyes.

"Her asset of skills is truly impressive and Kakashi has done a good job - as expected - to help her fit in here." Danzo commented.

"Yes yes. Truly. But I fear she is not suited for ANBU or Root. Her skills considered she would make an excellent black ops, but it _is_ her mind that I fear is not ready. At least that is Kakashi's predicament." The old hokage said, chewing thoughtfully on his pipe.

It wasn't entirely true, but not entirely false either. Hiruzen felt it too: she was much intelligent, but she was raised to be suspicious, and was fairly new in Konoha. ANBU required loyal ninja's of great skill and intelligent, and he feared that she wasn't that loyal yet as she surely was reluctant to come here in the first place. She was still very suspicious of him - obeyed orders - but suspicious. _As a ninja should be_, he reminded himself.

"It would be unheard of to make someone who isn't a jounin - a black ops." Koharu said.

"And she's hasn't lived here for more than three months." Homura added.

"You saw for yourself that she takes orders without hesitation. She will become invaluable with her mind probing abilities and her excellent stealth. I read the reports Kakashi Hatake has written about her, and the newer ones written by Shin. The rate of mission success will be increased if we ad her to our teams." Danzo defended.

It had been partially Hiruzen's idea, partially Danzo's idea. But unlike Hiruzen, Danzo did not take Kakashi's words seriously and was insistent to the end that she should be requited, even if it meant breaking the norms of requirements to become and ANBU, while Root was more prone to select members solely for abilities. The hokage sighed.

"But it could be a downfall for her. Surely she has proven she can take on missions on ANBU level, but I'm telling you that this could effect her personally. She has just started a normal life." He retaliated.

"Everyone joining Root or ANBU gets affected personally. It's a part of the job to cope with that as well, and she seems to be able to cope with that." Danzo said.

Hiruzen scowled in thought, the two elders silent as well. Maybe if he got to know her more personally, she would at least choose to join ANBU and not Root. Thereby he could spare her of some of Danzo's more ethical wrong missions which surely could lead to another ninja going rogue.

"It will not suit some people in the village to let someone who hasn't even become genin - rise to the rank of ANBU." Hiruzen said thoughtfully, he was getting a lot of pressure from Danzo to say yes to this.

"But it is true that she has invaluable skills and it would be good for the village to have someone like her in the shadows, rather than out in the open with other jounins. She'll be known quicker around the other villages of she's taking on mask-less missions."

"So you're saying that we should give her the option?" Homura asked.

"Yes, but she should be free to choose which division she would like to join." The hokage said.

"Then it is decided." Danzo said in his naturally deep voice.

Hiruzen fought the urge to glare at Danzo. If he knew the man right, he would do almost anything to requite such skills as hers into Root. He hoped that Kakashi had at least made an influence on her.

**.**

What was the big deal about 'taking things to next level' anyway? Anko was constantly pestering me with questions about Kenshin and if we had done anything new. I wasn't sure I wanted to _do_ anything else, I mean, I enjoyed being around him, but I didn't long for him like I did for Kakashi.

I watched him talk from across the table as I was slouched back in the chair, stomach full with food. Kenshin never talked much about his work, but he liked to talk about places he had been. He was very private, indeed, and it rendered me unable to feel that close a bond with him.

"Anyways, how was your last mission?" He asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Oh, it was alright. I simply had to gather information from a certain man." I said curtly.

My two previous missions had been leading up to my new one - the infiltration of the hidden rain. All that dirty work for the survival of one city. I wasn't sure if I liked it, but then again, my existence here depended on the thriving of the village... and the thriving of Kakashi.

"I'm going again tomorrow, this one will be a bit longer - about two weeks." I added.

Kenshin's eyes shone with worry for a second before they turned neutral again.

"You'll do good, as always." He said giving me half a smile.

It was dark outside and we were sitting in my apartment. What I found slightly annoying about Kenshin was that even though he had lived in Konoha his whole life, he was still oblivious to the things going on around the shadows of the city. How could _I_, someone who had just moved here, know more about the city and its darker sides - than a jounin, born and raised here. I couldn't discuss my thought with him like I could with Kakashi.

"Thanks. I have a lot to plan." I admitted, looking out my window.

"You must have." He paused, seeming to choose his words or change them "I'll miss you."

It was a simple sentence but it took a me bit off guard and made my slightly sick to my stomach. I would miss him too, but not as much as other people around me.

"I'll miss you too." The words seemed to cling to my throat as I said it.

His eyes sparkled emotionally for a moment - it meant a lot to him that I said that.

"Are you going to miss Gai?... And Kakashi too?" He asked, although I wasn't sure he wanted the answer.

"Of course. Though I suppose I don't see Kakashi that often anyways." I answered, squinting my eyes suspiciously at him. He always had a way to ask me about Kakashi.

"It must be a great honor to be friends with such an excellent ninja as he. I hear they're having trouble finding a replacement for him in the ANBU, still."

I shrugged. Everyone who had grown up with Kakashi around knew that he was quite anti social and prone to keep his emotions inside - he wasn't quite the best example of a great friend, but yes, he was an excellent ninja.

"I suppose. But I don't feel honored, I mean, he's just a man with issues like everyone else." I responded.

"But learning from him is a great honor." Kenshin said. "Although I don't think it was all fun that he was nicknamed friend-killer in his younger days."

I almost choked. "What?! That's not very nice!" I almost spat, sitting straight up in the chair again.

I didn't know if Kenshin said that to scare or push me away from Kakashi, but it surely didn't please me.

"He would never kill a friend!" I retaliated. "At least not on purpose." I added, fighting a shiver at the thought of Rin and Obito and the feelings Kakashi had to deal with through his life.

"It doesn't change the fact that he did it." Kenshin said with a shrug.

"Yeah well, you don't know anything about it!" I said wryly and leaned forward in warning.

"Oh' and I suppose you do?!" Kenshin responded.

"As a matter of fact I do!" I said.

Kenshin snorted "He doesn't share such things with anyone."

"And what do you know about that? You don't know him! You don't even hang around his friends!" I was really starting to get worked up over this.

"No but all and sundry knows he doesn't talk about such things." The black haired ninja said.

"Then I suppose I'm the only one he talks with about his past." I said cheekily raising my eyebrow in challenge. "Stop being so jealous Kenshin, it's obvious you are. You shouldn't compare yourself with one of Konoha's best ninja!"

His neck grew red in embarrassment and anger. The tall man locked his jaw stubbornly and stood up abruptly.

"I'm not jealous!" He said through gritted teeth.

"Then stop talking trash about him at every opportunity! I don't want to hear it! He's my friend, no matter how many dark things he has done in his life! I've done bad things too, and I'm probably going to do worse." I retaliated, getting up, matching Kenshin's anger of energy.

Kenshin scowled at me, too stubborn to admit defeat. His fists were clenched, his knuckles turning white.

He sighed heatedly "How can a single person as you be so _frustrating_?!"

His brown eyes stared at me as he went around the table.

"Maybe because you're so ignorant sometimes!" I said, not allowing myself to back down at his sudden close proximity.

The tall man towered over me silently, his eyes squinting in frustration. His warm breath came down in me in warm puffs. I could see his collarbone and the faint depression between his shoulder muscle and bicep. Suddenly he took my face in his hands, his fingers strong against my skin and kissed me. I was startled at first, but the frustration I felt towards him quickly faded into something else. The kiss was hard at first, but turned experimenting as we both found a rhythm. Kissing didn't come natural to me, I had only done it one time before. He grabbed my side hungrily and pulled me closer, turning me toward the table and pushing me against the edge. I slung my arm around his neck, brushing my fingers through his black hair. Desire rolled off of him in waves and it made me gasp. I realized he desired me much more than I desired him.

His tongue licked against my lips and I allowed him to part them. Something fell of the table. I tried to imagine him being Kakashi. It sent a rush of desire through me, but it didn't last long, cause I knew he wasn't and I was betraying my own feelings at the moment.

There was something nice about feeling his tongue lightly against mine. Despite the fact that he wasn't Kakashi, there was something comforting about the feel of being desired by a beautiful man. The more I felt his lips, the more I wanted, the more I was addicted. I allowed myself to sweep a hand under his shirt to feel the hard muscles of his stomach. He gasped at the sensation and stopped the kiss. I opened my eyes and met his dark ones and could tell he was roused to an extent he hadn't felt before.

_I shouldn't take things so far, it isn't him I want_, I told myself while the other half of me told me that gaining some experience and understand of this physical act would make me a better kunoichi. I pushed him away. Stopping this now would be the best thing to do. I couldn't offer him a relationship when I didn't want one with him and he was starting to have feelings for me.

"Kenshin..."

I could barely look him in the eye and when he saw my expression he took a step away.

"I really like you, but I'm not in love with you. We can't continue this." Why was it so hard to say words like that?

He took a hand to my cheek "I know love is something that grows slowly."

That wasn't it. I was never going to have feelings for him like that. But I had no idea how to express it.

"Maybe." I responded and hopped down from the table.

Kenshin tended to have a very innocent look in his eyes, sometimes so much that I wondered how much experience he actually had at love.

"I think you should leave now. I want to be alone." I said.

"... Alright." He paused and took my hand, searching for my eyes.

"You know I'll always be there for you, right?"

The words stung like a bee, and I mostly wanted him to let go of my hand. It was nice thing to say, but the thought that I couldn't return his feelings made me nauseous.

"Thank you." I responded, not knowing what else to say.

He left a short moment after that, leaving me to my own thoughts. I hadn't made it clear enough that I didn't want him, although kissing had actually been great. It was my feelings that wasn't in this.

.

Sometimes I felt worn out, a headache weighing down in my eyes when I entered someone's mind too much. I was draped in a simple black cloak, simple clothes seeming to be the easiest way to go by unnoticed. A man lay in the mud, his eyes expressionless and mouth agape. The rain tapped against his cold skin. I had annihilated him... of course, after having retrieved information on how to adjust ones chakra signature to the wall of rain that kept surveillance of every unknown presence entering the city.

With no sympathy I gazed at him. I felt nothing. Amegakure, the village hidden by rain lay before me, its tall industrial towers sprouting up like metal grass from a wasteland landscape.

It was fairly easy to enter the city, if you had gathered enough intel that is. Otherwise the village's defenses was abnormally high. To be admitted to the village, visitors, even those coming for Chunin Exams held in Amegakure, had to go through a number of security checks and would be under constant surveillance during their stay. Metallic skyscrapers with rowed ducts connecting them, stretched tall into the ever raining sky. Cables surrounded them and down in the streets, lights from banners and commercials reflected off of the wet pavements. Amegakure was crawling with assassins, the city's missing none existing ethics and laws allowing all kinds of bad intentioned persons to seek refuge and illegal jobs.

Gloomy people watched from allies, their eyes watchful and suspicious. It wasn't a nice city for sure. I tucked the hood of my cloak tighter, blending into the crowd by looking down, minding my own business. _Two weeks maximum_, I reminded myself and wondered how I would've turned out if I had grown up here. The alleys was shrouded in mist and mystery. I avoided them as best I could and stayed on the river road that wound along through the heart of the city. I could feel eyes on me, peeping down from balconies and windows, watching me from darkened doorways.

I settled in a less than nice hotel and spend days observing and gathering information, posing as yet another assassin. It wasn't until five days after I managed to overhear two elder ninja's talking about a certain bar, known for its crowd of strong assassins.

'The Winking Salamander' it was called and its facade was a dark green, with a prosperous wooden sign hanging above. Even hores seemed to avoid this particular bar. When I stepped inside, hooded and clad in dark clothes I could see why the Winking Salamander was making good money and was the preferred place of assassins. Although the place was small, it was spacious, with booths hidden by walls and only a few tables out in the open. It was perfect for a suspicious and alert mind.

_What am I getting myself into_? There was a strange presence of chakra oozing out from one of the booths, it was pleasant but sent me on edge. A few eyes looked up from slouched bodies, watching the newcomer with wary expressions. I kept me gaze straight ahead, and walked to the bar where a grizzled man with a belly like a keg of ale stood, cleaning a glass with a striped cloth. I pulled my hood down, expecting everyone to stare, but no such thing happened. Even the bartender didn't as much as spare me glance.

"Can I help you miss?" He asked finally looking at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Just a cup sake, sake of the house." I said, hoping I didn't seem too much like a newcomer.

I didn't know what I hoped to expect by coming here, but enmity lay in the air like a dark fog. It was risky business to ask questions, even if the words were disguised as something else. The bartender handed me a tiny bottle and a cup, and leaned closer.

"I hope you know what bar you sit in." He muttered and leaned away, holding my gaze in a serious manner.

"I know." I said keeping my voice and expression carefully neutral.

He nodded and left me alone. I leaned my elbows on the counter and poured myself some sake, glancing subtly to either of my sides. A man, heavily in need for some sleep sat on my left, six chairs away. On my right was some peanuts in a bowl and a resent used pen. I crossed my legs and tasted the sake, sweet and strong against my tongue. I'd just have to wait until someone approached me. The good thing about being a woman in this line of work, was that men was easier to lure into conversation.

In a ten minutes time, two men in their late thirties approached me. One of them was the talker - as I liked to call them - and the other was back-up. The talker had no chin to speak of, a flaw that prominence of the apple in his throat made even more absurd.

"Did you miss the brothel? No one here is going to buy you." He leered at me and sat down in the chair to my right.

He was deliberately trying to insult me, I could tell, and was probably one of the regulars here.

"I am looking for a job. But not the kind you are thinking of." I answered neutrally, refusing to move my head in his direction. His friend closed in on me from behind.

"You're into some kinky shit then?" He asked, putting his elbow on the counter, discreetly confining the conversation to a smaller space.

"If we're looking for the same job, I don't want to know what you're looking for." I purposely let my eyebrows furrow and snorted.

"What was that? Are you trying to be smart or something?" The edge in his tone suddenly become much more unpleasant.

I wasn't looking for trouble, at least I didn't want to start any in here. Not to mention I knew nothing of this man. Then again, if he had even a fair share of knowledge in the assassin world, he would know that there was a few bounties on me too.

"Smarter than you apparently." I shot back and sipped of my sake. The man sitting a six chairs away turned and walked to sit at a set of tables.

"If you touch me you'll regret it." I warned as his fist clenched.

His friend standing behind me, purposely putting me on edge opened his arms to reach out for me. Their intent washed out of them like open books. In the the blink of an eye I grabbed the pencil and plunged it into the chinless man's hand before he could even lift it, and then I turned to plant a foot solidly in his friends stomach. He flew backwards knocking down a set of tables.

The talker wailed in pain as I got up, grabbed his friend by the collar and strode forward, throwing him out into the rainy streets.

"My hand you bitch!" The gnarled man shouted, spit lingering maniacally on his lips.

Everyone else minded their own business, even the odd presence of chakra coming from one of the booths. I walked to the man's side and tore out the pencil coolly. He screamed again holding up his hand like it was the end of the world.

"Leave before I put this into your eye." I said calmly.

There was a look of pure hatred in his eyes before he stumbled away and into the streets. I had just made an enemy. It was like being old Toshi again. With a sigh I took a swig of sake. This was a lot easier in that time I didn't own a shred of sympathy towards anything living. The bartender gave me strange look, passively cleaning another glass. I had just earned my right to be here.

Half an our goes by slowly as I listened to the small talk around the room. I tensed when the odd chakra stirred and moved. I listened to heavy steps of a man walking across the bar towards me and hoped with all my being that he wasn't going to approach me. Not as much as daring to glance when he sat down beside me, his whole presence seeming to suffocate me. His chakra was so immense that I had to draw in all of mine to get rid of the feeling of being suppressed.

"The bill." He said in a calm voice.

This time I dared to glance at him, coiled as tight as a spring to the point where I forgot to breathe. He was the tallest man I had ever seen in my life, but it wasn't that which caught my attention. He had grey bluish skin, deep-set eyes with a dark edge like a shark and what could only seem like three lines of gills on his cheeks. He was Kisame Hisagi, and I had never quite felt a chakra like his except for my own.

I looked away, subtly remembering to breathe again. He was in the hit-book amongst many other, but had surely been the one to stand out the most. And he was a member of akatsuki. This time I looked at his huge sword fastened to his back and swore that it stirred ever so slightly. I fought to remain neutral when I felt its being, its mind alive.

"What're you looking at pip squeak?"

My eyes snapped to the tall shark man when I heard his voice. I couldn't seem tense, even though I felt like my insides were writhing within me. He could kill me. He could potentially _kill_ me if he wanted to.

"Your sword." I answered and looked away, hoping that he wasn't one to kill people for fun.

He was silent for a few seconds, and I realized that people often must've lied about that, his whole appearance considered.

"Sure whatever. Don't do it again. I might not be as merciful as you were to that other guy." He responded.

I really shouldn't say anything, I should walk away and leave, telling the hokage that there were akatsuki in Amegakure.

"Your sword is alive." I heard myself say. I wanted to slap my forehead with the heel of my hand. My brain had a death-wish.

This time his eyebrows creased and he turned slightly in his seat to face me more.

"Who are you?" He asked, his eyes glaring daggers at me. Everything about him was oppressing. His tall frame, his broad shoulders and chest, his immense chakra... I scanned his face. His features was quite masculine and handsome despite his shark-like features. Even his teeth were sharp like that of a shark. His sword stirred before I could answer.

He looked perplexed, unfocused for a moment before his expression was confused and then he looked at me again, this time curiosity having replaced the enmity. Then he smirked:

"Interesting... " He tilted his head and I fought the urge to lean away from the predatory look.

"What is?" I asked, now holding his gaze in challenge.

"My sword seems to like you. I bet that's how you knew it was alive." He answered.

"At first I couldn't feel it because of your chakra." I said, hoping to keep the conversation with an s-class criminal on a somewhat casual level.

"Feel you say? How so?" He said, and leaned his elbow agains the counter in a casual manner.

Good, at least now there was a better chance he wasn't going to kill me. I laughed at that thought in my head. The questions though, was if I should reveal anything about myself to the enemy? The hit-book didn't say much about him, and despite the animosity about him, there was something pleasant about his chakra too.

"I can just feel chakra's and minds." I said with a shrug. "An yours remind me of my own." I added.

"Hmm." He seemed to think on that one as the bartender handed him the bill. Could I... flirt with him? The thought sent a strange surge of emotion through me. It would be the boldest thing I had ever done in my life, except for sitting on Kakashi's lap... Kisame was probably not going fall for obvious flirtation as his appearance probably scared the girls away more than attracted them.

"I felt your chakra as soon as I stepped inside. It was pleasant." I said, letting a smile tug on the corner of my lips.

He looked slightly confused "Pleasant?" He scanned the bill "That was not the word I expected you to use."

"I don't know how else to describe it." I responded, feeling myself ease a bit more.

"If our chakra's is alike we should take a spar someday, kunoichi." He said, and looked at me without moving his head.

A spar with an s-class criminal? He had no suspicion of me had he? I knew I shouldn't have felt flattered at the request, maybe it was just a trap made to kill me, but getting to spend time with someone as notorious as Kisame Hisagi was simply an offer I couldn't refuse no matter the consequences.

"A spar? With you? That sounds dangerous." I said, making my voice sound astonished.

He laughed abruptly and short as he put a few coins on the counter.

"I'm so bored here. A good spar would do good." He said and smirked, revealing his sharp teeth.

It could be a spar to the death, I reminded myself. I had to put up some rules.

"I'm not sure. I only came here to find jobs." I said, trying to sound unsure.

"While you wait, you can make room for a little spar. I promise I'll be nice. I'm not much for hitting girls anyways." He said.

Well _that_, I knew, was a lie but at least he was making an effort to convince me.

"Why would the infamous Kisame Hisagi want to spar with a nobody like me?" I asked, taking another swig of sake.

"So you know my name." He chuckled pleasantly, "You said it yourself. Our chakra is alike."

Yes it was, but his was much more immense than mine. I stood no chance against him. I felt my heart leap again at that thought, but remained calm.

"Alright, I suppose I can't say no." I responded, taking a hand to my neck.

I was afraid maybe this was a bit too easy. But he wasn't as scary as I had imagined him to be.

"Kisame."

I hadn't noticed the presence of another person sneaking up on us, and I looked behind me and saw yet another akatsuki. I involuntary clenched my hand around the cup, fighting to remain poised. Itachi Uchiha was standing right in front of me, his eyes devoid of any emotions whatsoever. He looked so much like Sasuke, the resemblance was simply striking. And to think he was only one year younger than me.

I wanted to ask him about the truth of the massacre right away, but almost bit my tongue in restraint. His eyes rested briefly at mine for a second, and Eien's pull to the sharingan made me forget to breathe. There was so much sadness in his onyx eyes. _If anyone can read you its him,_ I reminded myself and looked away.

"Yeah. I'm coming." Kisame said casually. "You coming back tomorrow kunoichi?" he added.

"I am." I said, refusing to look in Itachi's direction.

"Good." He said, lifting his tall frame from the chair.

I listened to the footsteps across the wooden floor as they walked out of the bar and as soon as the door closed, I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. This mission had become more dangerous than it should have been.

At night I lay in my bed unable to sleep. Paranoia had crept its way to me and was now keeping me awake in the hollow silence of the rain tapping on the small round windows of my room. On the door and windows I had put up explosion tags, just in case anybody tried to sneak in while I was asleep. I knew I was kept under surveillance, but that didn't necessarily mean anybody would help me if I should get attacked.

I turned in my bed, and pulled the sheets up further. _What I wouldn't do for Kakashi to be here with me_, I thought. What if Kisame and the Uchiha wanted to kill me or plotted to abduct me? I curled up, looking at the grey wall. I didn't even dare to turn off the lights. I should just leave the city while I was still just a lowly assassin.

The next day I visited the the Winking Salamander, sleep deprived and tired. Kisame never came, but I _did_ get a few small talks with some bounty hunters. The day after I came back to see if Kisame was there. It like like stepping into the lions den. I was so ever afraid of the fact that Itachi might've figured me out, and the two was just planning how to kill me. It could be why Kisame never showed up.

The city reeked of a certain loneliness. It was accidental - almost - when I ran into Kisame again. I felt his chakra signature from one street away, and followed the nice feel of it into Amegakures market district. This was a black market to avoid. All kind of illegal things were sold here behind closed doors and gloomy windows. No stalls, no lanterns and sunny music played in these streets. I wasn't quite sure what to expect by following the huge shark man, hell, I wasn't even sure if I dared to approach him. I tugged my cloak tight when he entered the street and used my training to blend with the none existing crowd. The rain tapped on my rain cloak as I followed him a few shops before he stopped en glanced over his shoulder.

"Why're you following me pip squeak." Came his deep voice.

I was mildly surprised that he discovered me and stopped a good distance away from him.

"You said you wanted a spar." I just blurted it out there, biting the inside of my lip.

The tall man just looked me, rain pouring down into his hair and down his cheeks.

"Come." He simply said and mentioned for me to follow him.

_What am I getting myself into?!_ There was an odd mix of feelings rioting around in me. One was definitely fear and the other was an odd attraction to his presence. He lead me into a nameless sketchy shop. The smell of fungus and rot made me clap my hand over my nose while we walked along narrow rows of shelves stacked with preserved things I had no intention of knowing what was.

"I'm just going to break you into pieces if we spar, little girl." He said, reaching up to one of the top shelves for some kind of powder.

For a moment I marveled at how tall he was and how much authority he exuded. What was he? Maybe fifty years old, though he surely didn't look like it. No wonder I became so attitude-less around him.

"I was beginning to think that myself." I muttered as he placed the powder back on the shelf. He smirked lightly.

"Then what do you want? Spit it out." He demanded, seeming more intend on finding whatever he needed rather than the conversation we were having.

Yes, what did I want?

"I don't know... I've just-" I paused and thought my sentence through, wondering if I should just be honest-"I have never met anyone like you."

This seemed to pause Kisame for a moment before he continued roaming through glasses of powder.

"If you're a scientist, you can forget it. You can't have any samples." He scowled down at me "And I'll kill you if you try to sneak a scrape of skin without my permission."

I held up my hands to pacify the shark ninja "No no, I'm not a scientist. I'm just a regular assassin."

"Hey old man what does this do?" Kisame called.

Talking about being distracted, this guy had his mind all over the place. I peeped at the label.

"Green Viper poison in powdered form." I raised an eyebrow impressed. That was almost impossible to come by in Konoha. Kisame looked at me fully now.

"A few grains will slow a pounding heart and stop a hand from shaking, and make a man feel calm and strong. A pinch will grant a night of deep dreamless sleep. Three pinches will produce a sleep that does not end." I said, shrinking under his stern gaze.

"The taste is very sweet so it is best used in cakes." I added with a sheepish smile.

Kisame raised a none existing eyebrow and snorted amused.

"You know your stuff pip squeak." He bemused and mentioned for the shop owner, a small gnarled man with a hunched back, to fetch him a dose of the Green Viper poison.

"So are you just going to hang around me like a fly all day?" He asked after a few minutes of more 'shopping'.

"Pretty much." I said with a shrug. If I could be so closely around him, why not take the opportunity, for the sake of gathering some intel, or so I told myself.

"What if I don't want you to?" The tall man responded.

"You can just say so." I retaliated.

He smirked for himself and didn't answer after that. I took that as a green light. It worked well to be a girl apparently. I didn't pose a very big threat to him.

Kisame took me around the city, showing me shops and stores I would never have found on my own. I bought a few rare herbs and some old sketchy looking scrolls with paintings of the land before the war - from an antique store.

That same night, after having departed politely from the shark man, I lay in my bed feeling a bit more safe in the city, knowing that I'd made acquaintances with an s-class criminal. If I ever got kicked out of Konoha, maybe I could seek out Kisame to help me settle in to the 'other side' of system - meaning of course - the criminal side.

I left the city the day after, thinking that I'd spend too much time there already. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to tell anyone about Kisame and the Uchiha. It was like my own little joker card, kept close to my body for whenever I was going to need it again.

.

After my mission in Amegakure almost a whole week went by without no new jobs. Both Kakashi and Gai was busy training their teams for the upcoming chuunin exams. Although I wanted to hang out with Anko, she was always hard to find, apparently, busy at most times. Instead I helped out in the shop. Running a business demanded you to get up early and work until approximately five o'clock.

I found it relaxing to run errands around the market district. In the morning, stewards, cooks, smallwives and sailors were all haggling loudly with one another as they inspected the morning catch. Around afternoon the streets were buzzing. I made friends around the different shops; porters and singers, rope makers and smiths, taverners, brewers and bakers and beggars.

Everyday I would come home with new japes, new riddles, or tricks of this trade or the other. Every so often I would learn a new secret. A smith showed me a trick one afternoon at the market, while he was waiting for his wife. He taught me how to hide a knife up my sleeve and slip it out when I had need of it, and to skive a purse so smooth and quick the coins would all be spent before their owner missed them.

One afternoon when I was done running an errand for Hana, I spotted the hokage in front of the herb shop. Hands filled with shopping bags my steps faltered as I looked while he spoke to Hana and old man Shoji.

Beside the hokage stood a brown haired kid with a long scarf. At first I didn't recognize him but when I came closer I remembered the kid from the forest when I had been battling the two twin cats.

"There she is." Hana said and they all turned their head as I came up to them.

The goggle wearing kid pouted at me and tugged closer to the hokage. A flash of defiance rose in me. If I was in trouble because I had scared some kid in the forest the hokage seriously had a personal grudge against me.

"Hello Toshi." He greeted.

"Hello lord hokage." I answered and glanced at the kid.

"I believe you know my grandson, Konohamaru." He gestured to the kid who looked at me defiantly.

_Of course_ it was his grandson. It wasn't just an ordinary kid. I almost rolled my eyes at the unlucky timing.

"You're that kid from training grounds." I said. There was no point in denying it.

"Yes." The hokage nudged the kid forward and he responded by simply crossing his arms and look at this toes.

"What was it you wanted to say Konohamaru?" The hokage asked the kid.

He swayed a bit back and forth in a childish manner before his eyes met mine.

"Thank you for protecting me in the forest." He muttered.

I raised an eyebrow in disbelief. Was he thanking me? And here I thought I was going to get the scold of my life.

"Um..." I blinked at the kid when he looked away again, eyebrows furrowed irritated.

"I want to thank you too. My grandson can be quite reckless sometimes." The hokage smiled mildly at me and he suddenly looked like a grandpa, not a military leader.

"No problem. It was just a training exercise." I said and handed Hana one of the bags.

The elder couple had been listening silently, seeming confused and honored at the same time for the hokage's visit. Azami who had been hiding behind Hana's skirts came skipping down to Konohamaru and peeped at his face.

"Why're you wearing goggles?" She asked, looking at him intensely in a way only children could.

Konohamaru looked taken aback by the lack of personal space. There seemed to be maybe one year in age difference between them, Azami being the younger one.

"Because it's cool of course. Naruto used to wear them too." The kid huffed at the small girl.

"It looks weird." She exclaimed.

"Does not."

"Does too."

"Na-ah!"

"Hey, wanna play ninja?" The girl asked suddenly. She did display a lack of attention at times.

The brown haired boy blinked at he girl, the gap in his front teeth showing.

"Alright, but I'll be the hokage." He pushed his chest forward.

"We can make a hat from cardboard. We have lots in the back." Azami clapped her hands excited.

The two ran off without further notice. The boy didn't even ask his grandfather's permission. Sometimes I envied how easily kids could make friends, even after Azami had just offended Konohamaru's goggles.

"Will you walk with me, Toshi?" The hokage asked.

Looks were passed between the old couple and me. None of us quite understood the situation, though there was no denying the hokage.

"Of course." I answered and handed Shoji the rest of the groceries.

"It's a nice home." The hokage commented when he started out of the market district.

"Yeah. I've grown very fond of the small family." I responded, feeling akward walking beside Hiruzen while everyone could see.

He seemed casual enough though. Like he was just taking another walk in the park. I couldn't help but being suspicious though.

"So it seems. I'm glad you like it here in Konoha." He said.

"Yeah... Although I think it must be nicer to live as civilian rather than being a ninja in this city." I dared to say.

The hokage smirked "That's true. A ninja's duty is to protect the people of this city and the city's interests. That is the burden we must bear."

"I figured that much." I answered. Sometimes I wasn't sure if he knew how much I involved myself in politics and secrets of the hidden villages.

"I must say that you've exceeded my expectations." He stopped and looked at me. "You're far more powerful and intelligent than I had expected. I would never have thought that I would need your strength as often as I do. Actually I thought I would not have much to do with you."

I wasn't quite sure what to answer to that. The truth had been obvious from the start.

"No one thought they would have much to do with me. Not even Kakashi." I answered, biting down the bitterness of that thought.

"Yes. But it seems you've become valuable both to Konoha but also to the people around you. Kakashi who you mentioned, has been your greatest supporter, and his opinion weighs much."

"I know. I'm very grateful to him." _What does the man want?_

"I've come to let you know that me and the counsel has decided to give you the opportunity to join ANBU or Root. Due to some disagreement between us - due to the fact that you're yet not ranked as jounin - we have decided to let you choose which division you want to join, yourself."

That took me aback. Only the strongest ninja of Konoha joined ANBU or Root and it took a certain mind-set to actually be considered. It was all I wanted, to join the secrets of Konoha and be in the midsts of all the secrecy. Yet I was in doubt.

"I-i." Well, I didn't quite know what to answer.

"I just wanted to give you a heads up before you're called to an official meeting." Hiruzen said, his hands politely behind his back.

I straightened up and looked to the horizon of hills and mountains. My expression grew emotionless as I thought about the proposal. The hokage squinted his eyes at me, for a brief moment seeming to give me a certain kind of respect, like I had just grown an eerie look.

"I will not join Root, _that_ I can tell you for sure." I told him carefully.

The small man looked up at me, his lips pressed together. He had grown stiff, as if I was a potential threat. It made me feel strong that he considered me so dangerous.

"Why not?" He asked.

Either he was asking because he wanted a valid reasons, or he just wanted to know how much I knew about the organization.

"Because... They want you to act a certain way. They want you to think a certain way. So I am easier to understand and thereby pose no threat to them." I responded, clenching my jaw. I had to choose my words carefully around the hokage.

He chuckled "Just as I suspected. And do you think ANBU is any different?"

Yup, he was definitely testing me to see how much I knew.

"In a way, yes. They take their orders directly from you and is not trained the same way. ANBU have more independent mind-sets." I answered methodically.

"Well, then I already know what you will choose." The old man hummed satisfied, the wrinkles around his eyes deepening as he smiled.

An instinct put me on edge in that moment. This was a hard decision to make and even in that moment I wasn't even sure if I wanted to join the ANBU. If I refused, would I continue to do missions without the Konoha headband? I feared the answer all of a sudden.

**.**

Kakashi could already feel the dampness in the air when he walked up to the hot-spring. He had been reading come come paradise when a small young cat - looking like a cross between a domestic cat and a ocelot - had scratched his window to get in. It was sleek with smooth short fur and small rounded ears. Its colors resembled much that of a leopard although the spots blended together on the back to form an irregular pattern. Black stripes lined both sides of the face and on the back of the ears was a single white spot. Its front paws was relatively large just like its eyes. At first he was confused at seeing such an exotic cat in the middle of Konoha before he remembered Toshi's pact with the nin-cats. The teenage cat had asked him to follow it, saying that Toshi wanted to see him.

The fact that the cat - named Sokar apparently - had showed him all the way to the hot-springs was rather perplexing to him. If there was anything Toshi had been trying to avoid in all the time he had known her, it was the hot-springs.

"Hey." He said when she came into view.

Something about her appearance made her look troubled, but it changed in an instant when she saw him.

"Hey! Good you could come." She said and pushed away from the wooden wall.

"Well, for you to send one of your little minions I figured it was kind of important." He responded with a shrug.

The young cat glared at him and huffed "I'm not a minion! And you smell of dog."

"Sokar." Toshi bristled like a mother scolding her child. The cat lowered its head and patted to her side.

"I'm trying to train Sokar up, I promised Nephthys I would do that. So why not make him seek for you?"

"That sounds like a good idea. I think you could learn a few things from him too." He gestured to the cat and it just responded by bristling at him.

"Yeah sure." She said with a raised eyebrow "Anyways, Sokar you can do whatever you want to now. I need to talk with Kakashi."

"Yeah finally!" The cat ran off in an instant, disappearing into the bushes soundlessly.

"He has potential." She observed casually.

"He's very young." The copy ninja commented.

"I know. But Nephthys wanted the kid to have some experience with humans. She hopes he'll become as great an assassin as she and Heket."

"Well then you have a pretty important job to do."

She shrugged "Anyways I need your opinion on something. Do you wanna go to the hot-spring? I think we could both benefit for some relaxing." She said.

"The hot-springs? I thought you would only go there if I commanded you to." He commented.

"Well I _do_ enjoy it. And you kind of made it our thing back then." She smiled jokingly and added "Back in the days."

"I suppose I did." I said sheepishly, remembering those two times he had forced her into the hot-springs and how uncomfortable she was around him.

The first time it had been his plan to make her as vulnerable as he could, and also get her to clean up - and he remembered _how_ vulnerable she had actually been there beside him, covering her chest while her whole body language alarmed everyone to stay away. Closed off, malnourished and full of hate, yes, that was how she was back then. She had been a bitter tormented soul, a sinner who mocked both gods and men. She served but found no pride in service. She fought but took no joy in victory. She did not love, nor was she loved herself. It was hate that had driven her.

"Don't tell me you're getting cold feet because I was the one inviting you this time." She said cheekily.

"No" He lied "I was just wondering what could be so important, that you would like to talk about it in there."

"Well, the subject do kind of need some privacy." She responded.

He walked with her towards the house, thinking to himself that, or rather hoping, that she was capable of love and everything she did wasn't just an act. Those doubts he had about her was more a fear than an actual suspicion. Now he was going in there with a confident version of Toshi. One who dated guys and had an open body language.

"As long as you're not planing to ask me to be your boyfriend or anything." He retaliated, sending her a cheeky glimpse.

The temperamental blond clenched her fist offended "Of course I'm not! Jeez you're such a pervert."

Kakashi chuckled, but the chuckle didn't quite match his actual emotions. For some reason it kind of offended him too that her answer was 'of course not' like it was the most ridiculous thing he could suggest. Not that he wanted to be her boyfriend, but... Well he wasn't the baddest choice she could make. Okay, maybe he wasn't exactly boyfriend material considering how hard it was for him to talk about his feelings and all that stuff, but she wasn't exactly girlfriend material either, although she was rather good at getting under his skin. Better than any woman he had ever known actually, with the exception of Rin.

_In some strange way we compliment each other,_ the thought popped into his mind while he was taking his shoes off inside the mens changing room, and it took him aback that he had just admitted to himself that they would make good couple. Normally in Kakashi's head things didn't go much further than imagining what his targeted woman would feel like to kiss or how to get laid. He looked at his bare feet feeling his insides coiled up.

Again?! Last time he felt like that was when she was changing in his room and he'd had those inappropriate thoughts, but now this?! He got up and entered the changing area, grabbing a towel on the way as he started pulling off his shirt. The damp smell of lavender and delicate oils lingered in the air, but didn't relax him as much as they used to.

He felt nervous when he walked out of the changing rooms. He couldn't see much through the heavy steam and his feet made splashing sounds as he walked across the stone floor to the edge of the pool. Subtly he peeped around the area to see if Toshi was anywhere in sight. He sighed, feeling like a deflated balloon but hurried into the water when someone came walking behind him.

"Dammit." He muttered, feeling the sting of the hot water from waist down.

Why was he so skittish? It wasn't like him. He was a professional ninja, ex ANBU captain. How could some meeting in the hot springs with a girl he already knew put him on edge like that? Was his senses picking up on something suspicious his mind hadn't yet figured out?

He spotted Toshi in the corner under the pine bonzai tree she used to sit under, back in the days. Starting towards her, he slipped through the water tense. When she came into view through the damp air she flashed him a smile, her eyes darting briefly up and down his body. He felt like he was on display for her amusement and gulped, while keeping a relaxed facade.

"It's been a long time I've been here." He mused and sat down beside her.

She sighed relaxed "I know. It feels good though."

She leaned her head back, baring her throat to him. He reminded himself to look straight ahead instead, at least he should man up a bit. It used to be _him_ who made _her_ uncomfortable. They shared a moment in silence while Kakashi adjusted to the heat of the water and felt his body relax. He'd been so occupied with training the kids for the chuunin exams, that he barely had any time to read his books.

"Anyways." The blond said, rousing him out his thoughts. He looked at her, casually, and raised an eyebrow.

"I was wondering when you were going to tell me what is on your mind." He commented and flicked a finger in the water, spraying her just enough for the water to hit her face.

"Yeah yeah sorry. I just didn't know how to tell you." She admitted, drying the droplets off of her cheek. "It's just that-" She peeped around the pool "I've been offered a position in either Root or ANBU."

Kakashi fought the instinct to jerk at the news. So, his and Gai's suspicions had been right from the start. This was absurd. It wasn't good news at all! He had even advised the hokage against it. She wasn't even jounin for crying out loud. He looked straight at her while she was avoiding his gaze. This could potentially ruin her. She was nervous at his silence, he could tell.

"If I'm going to join anything it's ANBU. I won't go anywhere near Root." She added.

Well that was a slight relief. He pinched the bridge of his nose, allowing her to see his frustrations.

"Why would you want to join the ANBU anyway?" He asked after a moment.

She chewed on that one "Well... I'll be a part of the secrecy going on on this village, and I'll finally wear the Konoha headband."

"Toshi..." He had so much to say that he didn't even know where to start.

"I thought you wanted to focus on making friends and relations." He said.

Her eyes grew a tad more cold "Well I want to do both. I feel most alive when I go on dangerous missions. Besides I already know how to make friends." There was a note of defiance in her voice.

He couldn't blame her that; he was sounding like a father or a teacher, when he in fact they were friends.

"Toshi, I dont know what exactly you're seeking, but joining the ANBU will take its toll on you. It's dark work, and you'll be acquired to annihilate many people without question."

Kakashi was and exceptional ANBU and stood in high regard to the hokage. He'd given everything away to be ANBU, made it his life's work to hone his body and mind to be most beneficial to the village. Now he was older and over those days, but ANBU was still a big part of him, deeply rooted into his core until it became a part of his personality. Now he didn't know how to deal with the sudden emotions that erupted in him by the thought of Toshi being one.

"You'll take on ethically and morally wrong missions, be at disposal to the hokage 24/7. Take it from someone who has been ANBU for many years, even been a captain. I'm not sure if it will be any good for you. You'll have to cast your emotions aside and deal with them when your missions is done." He said, growing more and more frustrated when she still refused to look at him.

"Toshi, when I took you on, I had just passed team seven as well. Every other year I had been failing academy students, and for the first time I had taken on three genins. It was also the first time I realized I needed to start up something new and create a new bond rather than dwelling in the past. When you came into the picture I was not in the least ready for you, in fact, as much as I wanted to believe in you too, I just couldn't. I was very focused on my students. Which I still am. But ever since that day, when I passed the three I've been slowly changing and moving forward. I'm afraid the same will happen to you."

Toshi had helped him move on too, he realized. He wanted to let her in, he wanted to be close to her. He looked away into the misty air, taking in a deep breath of lavender and almond oils.

"There has been a lot of darkness in my heart, but it's slowly lifting with each passing day I let all of you into my life. I wish I had realized all of this sooner in my life. That's why I will advise against it."

"But... You always seemed to sure. I always thought your life was perfect when I first got to know you." She said, now looking at him timidly. It occurred to him she still felt vulnerable being almost naked in his presence. She was just good at hiding it.

"A leader is supposed to exude strength." He paused. "My life is far from perfect."

"Neither is mine. But this opportunity is really tempting. I like pushing my own boundaries. But to be honest I'm not happy about spending everyday as an ANBU. I would like to take on missions that require my skill-set, but I don't want to stand guard and all that other boring stuff. I just took on an s-class mission, so it's not like I'm not already involved in ANBU ranked material." She said.

"You can't just choose the missions you want and sort away all the other stuff you don't want to. Either you're in or you're out. Choosing simply to be the one to butcher the targets is not an option." He responded, looking back at her.

She laughed abruptly and humorlessly "Don't compare my love of murder for casual butchering. I've just entered Amegakure, a complex web of intrigue where murder comes from poison or dagger in the night. That sort of murder is like fine sake... Compared to that butchering is like cheap piss."

He tried to remain impassive but couldn't shake off the surge of respect he felt for her. When he had first met her she was truly unrefined, but now she was carefully polished - polished by himself, the hokage and society to show her true potential. She was so dangerous and yet he held no doubt of her loyalty anymore. At least not to him.

He shook his head and smirked "Listen to you. You used to butcher people in a rampage. Now you have everyone fooled you've become a good citizen who lives above a herb store and enjoys life as a low profile ninja. Only the hokage and the higher-ups nows what exactly you've become capable of."

She snorted "Fooled? You sound like I manipulate people. I'm not smart enough for that. I just do what I like and keep a low profile."

"And even _that_ sentence could be deceitful." He said jokingly.

She smacked his arm lightly and gave him a scowl. He fought not to chuckle at that offended look.

"Don't say that. I would never try to deceive you. I hope you know that!" She responded.

"Of course I was just kidding." He said putting up his arms on the backrest behind him.

Her eyes skimmed over his shoulder and bicep before she looked away. He used to find it amusing that she obviously admired his body, in fact it was kind of flattering although he had that effect on most girls. But now he simply grew anxious by those looks cause he was equally as attracted to her body apparently. He shifted a bit in his seat, his leg accidentally gracing hers. They both flinched away at the touch and Kakashi cleared his throat.

"Sorry." He muttered.

Why had it become almost impossible to have a serious conversation with the girl without those odd moments of physical attraction? It happened almost every time they saw each other now. Stolen glances, awkward moments lost in the image of the other. _You're way older than her Kakashi_, he told himself. _It's not okay_, even though he told himself that, he couldn't seem to convince himself.

"You know how I feel about you joining. The choice - unfortunately - is up to you." He said to get rid of the tension.

"Right." She mused seeming lost in thought.

He watched her subtly. Watched her green eyes drift distantly like she was somewhere else. A sense of deja vu crept around in his mind. Once again she looked ancient, innocent, pure like she was from the other side of the world from some unknown place, belonging in another culture in another age. Her full lips were parted, her fair hair clung to her skin. For some reason he was waiting for her to stand up an manipulate the air like she had done the last time they were here. Their eyes met and her eyebrows were furrowed sorrowfully.

"I have something else to tell you." She said.

Her forest green eyes seemed to shine through the gloomy lighting of the hot springs. His insides were coiled up again, tense at what else she had to say. She smoothly slid closer, the ripples in the water she created hitting his side and stomach softly. He wouldn't know what to do if she decided to seduce him. Closer she came and leaned over his shoulder to whisper in his ear. He forgot to breathe.

"I met Kisame Hisagi in Amegakure. But I haven't told anyone."

He snapped his face to her. Their faces were close and she only backed away a few inches. From this distance he could feel her soft breath, see the droplets roll down her cheek and over her parted lips.

"How did you survive?" was the first thing he could think of to say without sounding too dry.

She leaned away and seated herself like before, crossing her arms, the round top of her breasts pushed upwards just above the surface. He gulped, telling himself to not look away, but look her in the eyes instead. In that moment before, it was as if she had been a magnet. He blinked at how easily she could withdraw from him. _She doesn't know... She doesn't know that I'm attracted to her,_ he told himself. He feared to slip up and hint exactly _how_ attracted he was to the half naked girl beside him. Why was his body so treacherous?!

"I didn't pose a threat to him. In fact we met on friendly terms. I must admit I was afraid of him in the beginning, but he's actually fairly peaceful if you just talk to him normally." She said.

Kakashi had to focus "You _do_ know that it's a crime to withhold information?" He said.

"I know. But it's a crime to mingle with the enemy as well. Besides I told the hokage that there were traces of akatsuki in the city. That was what my mission was about." She responded.

"Did you learn anything about him then?" He asked.

"No not really. We just talked about stuff I guess. He would've been suspicious if I asked too obvious questions. His chakra is immense though. I've never felt anything like it." She seemed ponder.

The copy ninja wasn't quite sure how to react. Either Toshi was making influential contacts or she was just enough stupid to mingle with a man like Kisame. Also she was lying. He squinted his eyes at her and she saw.

"Okay, well I know that his sword is alive." She huffed when Kakashi's look had told her to spit it out.

"You know you have to tell the hokage." He said, turning more towards her.

"But what if I can get closer? Get more information? If feel like I'm burning I bridge if I tell the hokage."

"First of all, ANBU is supposed to report everything to the hokage. Second of all, you're burning a bridge with the hokage by not telling him." He sighed frustrated "Toshi you can't go about making your own rules. Some day it'll backfire."

He wasn't quite sure if he even believed that himself. He was highly independent himself. No, it was wrong of him to tell her that. She was highly individual and unique and lived only according to her own wishes and beliefs, unconstrained from obligation to authority, society's conventions or others. She was about to give him a reprimand but he cut her off to correct himself.

"No, I shouldn't have said that. That is exactly what makes you a great ninja. Do what you believe is the best." He wanted to tell her that she should keep him out of her secrets, but he liked to know what she doing behind everyones backs.

"Thanks. That coming from you." She muttered.

The grey haired ninja softened a bit at her sullen expression.

"I tried to flirt with Kisame. But he's a tough nail." She said like it had just popped into her mind.

Kakashi wasn't sure if Toshi knew how to flirt. But he supposed that she had gotten some experience by dating Kenshin. He laughed abruptly.

"You? Flirt? I can't imagine that." He teased, his eyes gleaming at her.

She set her jaw stubbornly, an offended look crossing her features.

"Hey! I'm actually fairly good at it now. I mean, men are so easy to trick." She responded.

"Right." He said, not convinced. Maybe she could be attractive or tantalizing - but that was not in a conscious way.

"You know actually-" She leaned over to him again, and put her arm on the backrest.

He felt her move in the water as her hand went to the shell of his ear. He couldn't help but notice the top of her breasts again. They almost grazed his arm.

"How has your ear been since I cut it?" She asked in a husky voice as if the warmth was getting to her head.

"Um." Kakashi fought the goosebumps that erupted in his neck. It was like a pleasant chill that went right down to his groin.

Her thigh grazed his and this time she didn't flinch but kept it there, while he was suddenly as still as a stone. The skin on her thigh was soft under the water. _She knows_, he told himself again. _She can feel my attraction_. She peeped around at his face and then he met her eyes, watching him innocently. He leaned his face away a bit, reminding himself to breathe. What was it she asked before?

"Um I..." Once again she was like a magnet.

He fought to not allow his head to tilt of move even an inch forward towards her lips. She was so close. He could see the smooth line of her collarbone. _Remain passive. Remain untouched_. Everything about him was controlled into indifference except his words and his growing manhood. When he looked up again he met her eyes once more, and now the innocent look was replaced by a victorious smile.

That was when Kakashi realized he had been tricked. Embarrassment flooded his whole body and he was glad that it was so hot in there or she would've seen him blush. The blond moved back in her seat and leaned victoriously against the stone edge of the pool. Kakashi was left speechless. He should've pretended to give in, that would've scared her away.

"Even someone as trained as you can fall for the simplest of tricks. You couldn't even answer my question. Jeez, what is it with guys and breasts?" She said cheekily.

All of Kakashi's pride was gone, taken away in an instant. He closed his eyes and released a breath, slumping into the water. _How? How how how how?!_ How could he have gone so rigid just because of, well, whatever she did. Had he gone soft after retiring from ANBU? Did other girls have that effect on him now? He comforted himself with the fact that he had remained indifferent, at least outwards.

And what was he _thinking_? He didn't even know if Toshi was capable of being attracted to anyone more than friends, hell, he didn't even know if she had needs. She probably didn't. How could he have forgotten that? Was she really that convincing? He was positively sure that no girl could get the same reaction out of him.

"I'll admit you were pretty convincing there." He admitted, only to show her that he was still non-affected in any way.

She smiled sheepishly "Yeah well, of course it's a bit easier being half naked." She said.

"Well, you convinced me." _She knows._.. How could she not know? She could sense peoples moods! If she ever found out how his body actually reacted to her, she would devour him and pick her teeth with his bones, he did not doubt.

She chuckled "Thanks. But I usually get a more apparent reaction. You are harder to convince, not that I in any way expected it to work on you, it obviously didn't do much."

He looked at her, the hovering cloud of fear seeming to drift away.

"You'll just have to practice then." He lied, satisfied with the outcome, the situation considered.

Toshi shrugged "Yeah... I'm not going to practice on you anyways."

"Why not?" He blurted before thinking. Kakashi wanted to smack his forehead with the heel of his hand.

The blond girl looked perplexed at him as if she'd said something wrong.

"Um... Because, well..." She became flustered at his question and he wanted to just stop her, but there was no taking back the question now.

"You're you and it wouldn't work on you." She said and shrugged.

That was true - _if_ it had been two months ago, but now... Maybe it was good thing that she thought that. It would save him all this embarrassing trouble. He had promised to be honest with her though and not to play any games. The grey haired man sighed at the dilemma. He should just forget they ever had this conversation.

"I guess we'll never know." He said. It wasn't a lie and it wasn't playing games. He was just brushing the conversation under the carpet.

"Guess we won't" She chirped.

Kakashi was getting enough tension and secret conversations. Okay, maybe it was just the tension he couldn't stand.

"You have a big decision to make." He said and got up "And I'm getting cooked."

"Right we've been here for long now." She said and nodded at him. "I think I'll stay a couple more minutes to think though."

_That was intense_, Kakashi thought when he was dressing, glad to be away from someone who stirred up so much in him. From now on, hot-spring conversations was only meant for big issues.

.

Two elders, one hokage and one Danzo was looking at me, their expressions unreadable. The hokage's office was big and round with a view to the village.

"Toshi we have summoned you to offer you a position either in ANBU or Root." Hiruzen said. Today he wasn't smoking his pipe.

I pretended to look surprised at the offer as I already knew what this meeting was about.

"I'm honored." I answered and kneeled down on one knee, something Kakashi had taught me to do.

I felt Danzo's gaze at me and felt his hope and urge for me to join Root.

"Tell us which division you would like to join miss Setsuko." The elder woman said.

I looked up, pretending to be thinking about my answer. I but my lip, hoping what I was about to ask for wouldn't cause a debate.

"I'm not fit for either of the jobs." I said. The four elders looked at each other perplexed.

"But if you will allow it, I can act as a substitute ANBU when you need extra back-up on high classed missions."

"Completely and utterly preposterous!" Danzo growled and I continued:

"I'm not fit to stand guard and do paperwork. I wouldn't like the work." The unsaid thing here was that I didn't go well with taking orders all the time and only the hokage seemed to catch up on that.

"You should be grateful you're even offered this position considering you're not even a jounin. Making up your own terms of condition is unheard of." Homura - the elder man with grey shaggy hair - said.

"She's offering herself at the most beneficial she can be to village, can't you see that Homura?" Koharu - the elder woman - said.

"No one can ask terms like that. You're just taking her side because she's a woman." Danzo said, clearly not satisfied with the fact that I choose ANBU.

"That is a serious accusation Danzo, suggesting I say this out of feminism. What I say is the truth and you know it." Koharu said.

_Don't get caught up in the political tangling of the elders_, I remembered Kakashi say at one point. I was standing in the middle of it.

"She probably doesn't even know what that word mean." Danzo muttered darkly.

"Feminist; A person that believes in the social, economic and political equality of the sexes." I said monotonously, shutting up the chatter of voices that had erupted in the room.

The hokage sighed "No one has ever been a substitute ANBU. You're either in or you're out."

"I know. But this is what I can offer you even though what I want most is to represent Konoha either with a headband or with ANBU gear. I know what I may loose by declining a full-time position." I explained.

"Unheard of." Homura muttered.

Silence filled the room and honestly I wasn't quite sure what to expect.

"We'll discuss this in private, Toshi you can leave." The hokage said and waved a hand at me.

I simply nodded, stealing last glance around the group of people before I turned to walk out the door.

**.**

It hurt to get a tattoo, but apparently it was a must when joining the ANBU. Somehow Koharu had convinced the counsel to let me join ANBU as a substitute and quite frankly I had not seen it coming. On my left arm now was the spiral tattoo of the ANBU, still sore and red after the needle.

The most uncomfortable thing was to meet the rest of the team, mostly lead by a guy named Tenzo with brown hair and dark round eyes. It was known amongst the members that I had been under the wing of their former captain Kakashi and it demanded respect and enmity at the same time.

I was handed the standard ANBU gear consisting of a porcelain cat-mask, black clothing, a grey flack jacket, metal arm guards and gloves, ninja sandals with spikes for traveling into mountainous regions, three black ninja pouches, black bandages, a black cloak and of course a katana to be fastened to the back.

Kakashi wasn't in any way happy with my decision, but supported it nevertheless, saying that it was incredible that I convinced the counsel to let me be a substitute. The last thing left was a mission I'd gotten before becoming ANBU and it felt almost like a trial-mission.

**.**

In the darkness of the streets a figure appeared and disappeared. Moonlight revealed her again, swiftly and cunningly moving across rooftops. For a moment he marveled at her lean dark figure, clad in dark clothes from head to toe. Sometimes is was as if the air stood completely still around her. Not even a leaf lifted from the ground when she moved. He liked seeing her like that. Like a predator, slowly moving in its target. He looked up; it was a black night, only a thin sliver of moon peeping through the clouds that blew past. He could hear the murmur of crickets.

Shin had been keeping watch over her for a long time now. Every mission she was on, and even some times in her daily life, he was watching her under orders of Danzo. She was well aware of his presence, he did not doubt.

He was ordered to remain passive unless something went gravely wrong. So far, she had completed most missions flawlessly, and to be honest he was glad he didn't have to interfere. Too much interaction would just spoil his cover. Although he was a member of the Root, he had grown fond of her and was even starting to desire her. Danzo didn't know. He thought it was all just an act. Root members wasn't supposed to feel emotions, especially not affection towards other people.

Toshi disappeared into the shaft of a building, glancing in his direction one time before she was gone, followed by those two cats that followed her everywhere. Shin leaped around the building, into an empty yard, and stood beside a window, hood tugged over his head to shade his mask in darkness. He watched and listened.

**Toshi's POV.**

Shaft's always made me feel claustrophobic. The darkness and the cramped space left me immobile and defenseless to any attacks. That's why it was so important to remain as quiet as possible. I crawled with my elbows towards the dim light that shone out an opening. Muffled voices drifted through the tunnels. At the moment I was crawling right above the common hall of an old ale bar. I had done this so many times now that I felt confident in what I was doing.

Gathering intel had been my main occupation over my last few missions, and supposedly this was an important source to Akatsuki. I looked down between the bars in the shaft and saw half a table. The persons I wanted to listen to was sitting somewhere else, and the bar was crowded with people, making it difficult for me reach them with my chakra.

The lightning was dim, only candles and a few electric lamps helped bathing the bar in a gloomy yellow light. It was a perfect hideout for secret meetings, especially in such a small village as this one, on the boarder of the land of sound.

My right arm was starting to sleep before I picked up on the mention of Orochimaru. I craned my neck to listen better, but I couldn't distinguish their voices from the higher ones right below me.

I bit my lip and thought my options through. I could just keep on listening, and perhaps miss the conversation of my life, or I could dare to reach out and listen to his mind. I peeped back at the two cats sleeping behind me, like the situation was the most casual thing in the world. Nephthys opened one ice blue eye, indicating that she was only sleeping lightly. I nodded to her and looked back into bar, then reached out to his mind, slowly and carefully making sure I got the right one. As soon as I felt his chakra, the two men talking went still. I drew back and held my breath. He was a sensory type. Why was I not informed?!

Before I could spare it a second thought I somehow crashed through the shaft, a whole section of metal going down with me. For a moment the only thing I saw was a sudden giant hole in front of me and then I tumbled around with the shaft, falling out of it, before hitting the ground. I landed on my feet and hands, and the first thing I registered was the crowd around me, then the man with a the sword who had cut down the shaft, and beside him the informer. He had small eyes sitting close together, and big full lips and a big flat nose. He was big for a sensory type but had the typical large shape of a bounty hunter and their harsh looks. In the blink of an eye the bar broke into chaos. Tables and chairs where thrown about, each man blaming the other for hiring me. I'd almost forgotten I was wearing no headband, the confusion obvious on everyones face. But the two ninjas which I had been actually spying on came directly at me.

I dodged a bottle flying over my head and quickly ruled out threats around me. I drew my katana before side stepping out of reach of the sword that was swung at me. I plunged forward lashing at the guy. Left and right we went, dodging chairs, skipping over turned tables. My sword cut through fabric and muscle in his thigh. Heket came out of nowhere, clawing at the mans face like a cat gone mad. To my left the sensory ninja came at me. It was by then I noticed the gash in my side and the warm feel of blood flowing down my ribs and thigh. I hopped backwards, and saw Shin hewing his way through mad ninjas.

"Who sent you? Was it Pein?!" The man spat and moved at me in calculated patterns.

I had no idea who this Pein was, so I kept my mouth shot, looking for an opening. Slashing at him, but always missing by and inch, I created air currents to confuse him. A man from my left was hacking and slashing at everything that came near him, going in a rampage. I dodged another bottle thrown at me and staggered when the sensory ninja kicked me point blank in solar plexus. Someone smashed a chair to splinters over my back, and for a second I saw stars and couldn't breathe. All emotions and minds came washing over me in a brain overload. Voices, memories, feelings filled my head and I slapped my hands to my ears to make it stop. I saw Heket still pestering the swordsman, and then I saw the sensory ninja's Kunai coming in. Someone shoved into my shoulder, the sensory type managing to make the smallest of cuts across the tip of my little finger. I felt like my head was submerged in water, and everything around me was going on in slow-motion. _Slam_, and I was up against a wall.

"Get it together Toshi!" Shin was shouting frantically at me, shaking my shoulders violently.

"So much pain!" I spat through gritted teeth, trying to make the memories stop.

"Focus!" He snapped his fingers in front of me, dark eyes peering at me through a porcelain mask.

_Yes, I should focus_. The situation was such a chaos that I had lost all sense of survey of the events happening around me. Everything had happened so suddenly, and for so long I had been so careful. This had almost never happened before.

Somehow Shin was now running with me, my arm slung around his neck as I barely could keep up.

"After them!" Someone shouted as we descended the streets.

"We have to get them off our tail." I said, my senses starting to come to life again.

"No shit!" Shin said in an all too neutral voice.

I started supporting myself and ran with him.

"You shouldn't strain yourself." The black haired Root said, and I wondered why he said that.

We reached dark woods all the while I tried to confuse our trails in their heads. But my mind was too much of a mess to actually focus on it while also running.

"My wound is fine." I answered when we were out of hearing distance.

"That's not what I'm concerned about." He said.

My eyebrows pulled down in confusion. Did he mean my mental state of mind or something? An icy rush of wind gusted through the trees, leaves fell all around us as autumn took its toll on the landscape. Shin grabbed my upper arm and lead me towards a hill side. A small hollow provided some shelter from the wind, but it was hard to see each other. He pulled out a subtle flashlight and took my wrist to examine my hand.

"What're you doing?" I asked, a sense of panic starting to show itself in me.

"I might still be able to help you. But you have to trust me." He said and started binding thin hemp robe tight around my finger.

"Trust you?! I barely know you!" I heard myself say, over the fact the he had just saved my life.

"I just saved your life!" He retaliated, irritation starting to show in his voice.

And here I thought Root was supposed to be emotionless. I looked at the eyes through the mask, and saw only darkness. The flashlight was absorbing all light the pale moon provided.

"Yeah but.. "

Shin shoved his mask aside in a frustrated manner, the porcelain shattering at the harsh impact of stone and hard earth. My breath caught in my throat. Kenshin sat in front of me, his eyes full of life and fire. His lips where pressed hard together, his brow creased down over his deep set of eyes.

"You've been poisoned." He said and shoved my little finger into his mouth and started to suck.

I starred at him, feeling his wet tongue around my finger. All the while we starred at each other, I couldn't comprehend the fact that Kenshin was Root, and the fact that I had never even suspected once.

He lead my finger out and reached for something in his pocket. I slapped him across the cheek, almost on instinct. The impact echoed through the hillside, and he clenched his jaw stubbornly, his eyes flickering from mine for a brief moment.

"Why didn't you tell me?! Was it Danzo who ordered you to seduce me and take me out on dates?!" I hissed at him. I was ready to rip his throat out.

"No I did it because I started liking you." He said neutrally after having recovered the slap.

"That's bullshit!" I hissed again.

"I don't have time for this Toshi." He responded and shoved my arm forward across a rock.

"What're you doing?!" There was no time to think.

"I need to-"

A clap of thunder echoed through the sky. The rest of what he said was drowned out by the noise. I thought I lost my change to hear it. But I was wrong. I never needed to hear his words, because right before my eyes the answer soon appeared.

_HACK_.

Kenshin's hand was at my mouth before I could scream. Where the tip of my finger had been, now was a kunai, sliced through meat and bone and stuck in the rock below. The black haired Root had cut off the tip of my finger, starting from the root of the nail.

"I'm so sorry Toshi. But this was the only way to save you." He muttered, still pressing his hand to my mouth as I struggled against it, my eyes wide in horrification.

I starred at my hand not able to comprehend what had happened. Kenshin released me and started wrapping my finger in linen, a stubborn and painful look evident on his features. The wind howled against the rocks, cold and merciless. My finger was throbbing now.

"We have to get moving. I was cut too but took the last antidote I had with me. I'm growing weak by the minute." He explained.

He slapped my shoulder to rouse me out of my little world.

"You can mourn your finger when we're in safety." He said.

I nodded and finally looked at him. Sweat was trickling down his forehead and his skin was pale. He was panting. I gulped and pushed him away. He was right, I had to put all my personal feelings aside and focus on surviving.

"Right." I said and scrambled to my feet. The wound in my side was more painful than the missing tip of my finger. I still couldn't feel it.

We started running again, Kenshin growing weaker and slower. Eventually he collapsed. I rushed to his side and slung his arm around my shoulder to help him further. Root and ANBU had a reputation of pushing themselves to the limit, meaning that his collapse meant that he was on the point of fainting.

"Come on Kenshin." I growled and started dragging him along.

"Leave me. I'll only slow you down." He breathed, jaw clenched his determination.

It was such a typical Root thing to say. I almost rolled my eyes at him. If there was anything I had learned from being around Kakashi, it was to never abandon a comrade.

"How could I not have known you were Root." I muttered.

My efforts proved to be too much of a struggle. I was loosing a hell lot of blood while carrying Kenshin along. We collapsed under a large oak. The Root ninja was slipping in and out of consciousness while the antidote was fighting off the poison in his body.

I needed help. Gathering some of Eien's chakra in a last effort, I summoned Neshkent. The old tiger was immediately uncomfortable about the weather and the situation and huddled up along the trunk.

"I need help. I need to get to safety." I said, panting as I leaned against the giant oak.

"Foolish girl. Do I look like someone who can help you?" Neshkent's brown eyes stared at me as if I had lost my mind.

I cursed and held my hand tight against the wound at my ribs. I couldn't muster enough chakra to summon a larger cat and I had never made an allegiance with any other than the twins, Neshkent and Sokar.

"Summon Khanun. Maybe he will help you." Neshkent said.

"I don't have the strength to convince him." I breathed.

"If you summon him I'll speak you case." The old tiger responded.

I closed my eyes in exhaustion before I looked at my hand. Could I draw that much chakra out? The amount of chakra used for summoning something that big was immense. Besides, having one of the three big cats helping me in this state was unlikely.

"You have no other option." Neshkent said, his fur windblown and shaggy.

I gritted my teeth, gathering the mental strength to do it. My finger was starting to hurt a lot, and blood was still gushing out of my side. I took in a deep breath and concentrated my chakra like I had never done before. I felt Eien's strength gathering in my palm. Not enough. Not enough. Almost there. My hand was about to explode in energy before I performed the seal and slammed my hand to the ground.

My vision became blurry as a huge black figure emerged in front of me. I saw two giant furry paws in front of me, but couldn't move or focus enough to get an actual picture.

"Greetings Khanun." I heard Neshkent yell over the howling of the wind.

"Neshkent. What is the meaning of this?" A deep bass-like voice spoke. It send tremors of respect down my body.

"Please help the girl. She's the one who has befriended Nephthys and Heket."

A pause followed as a giant nose sniffed me, its warm breath coming down on me in large puffs. He was gentle, I could feel.

"I'm no horse." The giant cat bellowed.

"She just needs someplace safe where she can heal her wounds. Please. For Eien's sake." Neshkent yelled.

Another long pause. I counted every breath I was taking in, fighting to stay awake. Kenshin was already out cold, slumped against my shoulder and breathing shallowly.

"Please." I breathed, doubting that no one could hear it.

"Fine, this once." The deep voice said.

A wave of relief washed over me and my lips trembled at the thought. The large cat lay down in front of me, cutting off some of the wind. I could barely see his form in the darkness of the forest. But he looked giant.

"You have to crawl up yourself girl." Khanun said.

The old tiger beside me nudged my shoulder, urging me forward. I struggled to get up, barely seeing where I was going before I lifted Kenshin and slung him up across the back of the cat. I lifted his legs up, so they where placed on either side of the cat. I half jumped up on back, behind Kenshin and leaned forward to shelter Kenshin on either side of my arms.

"Thank you." I squeaked weakly.

"Hold on." Khanun said, his deep voice sending vibrations through me.

I took a hold of his fur, long and shaggy like Neshkent's. I barely noticed when the old tiger disappeared and I was left alone with who knows how big a cat.

"You have to stay conscious if you want to hold on girl." He said and stood up.

"If you keep going south you'll reach an inn called The Fire Maiden. We should be safe there." I breathed, hoping the cat could hear me.

"Alright." I felt him nod before leaning my head against Kenshin's back, clenching the fur tightly.

He started out in a fast trot before his movements became more fluid in a fast gallop. Faster and faster he went, trees and hills passing by like tall dark soldiers. I felt like I was riding a black shadow, struggling to hold my balance as he sped forward almost silently. The power beneath us was undoubtedly immense and a few times I felt almost safe on his warm back. It seemed like an eternity before Khanun stopped in what seemed like a clearing.

"There is The Fire Maiden. You have to walk the rest of the way. I'll just attract too much attention." The big cat said and lowered himself.

Kenshin who had stirred a couple of times, in and out of conciseness, looked up from all the fur his face was buried in. I swung my legs off of Khanun's back and put Kenshin's arm around my shoulder. The big cat was still shrouded in darkness of the trees, but as he stood up, he seemed to tower over me with watchful blue eyes.

"Thank you. I'll repay the debt when I'm healthy again." I said.

Kenshin was staring at Khanun like he was having a bad dream. The big cat nodded once and disappeared in a blur of smog.

"We're almost at the inn, come on." I told Kenshin and started walking the distance across the open space.

This reminded me all too much of the mission in the land of ice, all the struggling and fighting for life. My heart pounded wildly as we limbed across the grasses and onto the path towards the faint yellow glow of the warm inn. I had to make it over there before anyone found us. I just had to.

_At least it will give us some time to recover_, I thought, knowing that this inn mostly was visited by the people of the country of fire.

When I burst in through the door, a young lad had the nightshift, sitting by a warm fireplace reading a book. He jumped up when we came tumbling inside. He was a scrawny kid, but had the brains to carry a knife in his belt.

"I need a room." I said, sweat trickling down my brow though it had been freezing outside.

"J-just a moment. I'll get my father." The boy stuttered and disappeared behind a door.

I took the time to place Kenshin in a chair, and leaned against the counter, all sense of patience in me gone. It was as if my head was heavy with fluid. I could barely focus. A man came scurrying out in his pyjamas, the bags under his eyes indicating that he had been sleeping heavily.

"We just need a room, that's all." I breathed.

"One night is 25 ryo." The man said, his sleepy eyes growing large at our physical state.

"Fine." I took a hand to my pocket and dug for coins and smashed all I had onto the counter.

"This should be enough." I breathed and looked at the man, trying my best to look strong.

"Right, but we want no trouble." He said while counting the coins.

"We just need rest from a long mission. We'll course no trouble." I said, gritting my teeth.

I could understand why civilians would be reluctant to let two battered ninjas stay at their inn. If anyone was following us - like there actually were - it could course them their life.

"Here's your key. Your room is number four." He said and picked at his long mustache while eying the both of us.

"Thanks." I said and wasted no more time by the counter.

I took Kenshin by the arm again and made it upstairs, managing to open the door before throwing Kenshin at the bed. After that I managed to take off my shirt and balaclava helmet. Thereafter I searched Kenshin's pouches and found wrapping and absorbent cotton to stop the bleeding in my side. The wind came screaming off the house, knifing through all layers of clothing to freeze the blood in my veins. Kenshin let out a harsh breath, his hands clutching the sheets. I lay down beside him and took his hand. It was burning hot.

"I'll be by your side Shin." I breathed.

He clenched my hand tight without a reply. I had no idea how he felt, but I knew Root didn't give each other comfort or waited to save a comrade. At least I could give him that much.

**.**

Kakashi raced through the trees with Tenzo in his heels. He glanced to the west, where the light of the rising sun could be seen dimly through the trees, like the glow of a distant fire. He was searching for Toshi, unofficially. His ANBU comrade Tenzo had warned him that Toshi had a deadline on her current mission and that she probably was facing trouble if she hadn't returned before 3 am at night. The two had been searching for two hours now, without much luck.

The grey haired man stopped on a branch and his brown haired comrade landed beside him. A sigh of wind brought the scent of human, over fainter smells that spoke of fox and hares. The two followed the scent as it grew more and more foul. Kakashi thought it smelled like pigs, until they came to a clearing. No, pigs had cleaner smell. This stink was piss and rotting meat and nightsoil, this was the reek of corpse flesh and weeping sores and wounds gone bad, so strong the overwhelmed even the trained elite ninja.

He slapped a hand over his nose and looked at the clearing beneath. Corpses swollen and pale in death lay on the ground, lined up to their fait as food for the animals of the forest. Maggots and crows had already eaten out their eyes.

"I thought I knew this place. This was where Toshi went on a rampage." Tenzo said through a closed nose.

"She killed a lot." Kakashi noted. "I would've thought you had buried the bodies or at least gotten rid of them."

"We were on a tight schedule and we didn't count the casualties into our plans." The wood-style user explained.

Kakashi scanned the battlefield, his eyes carefully taking in every detail.

"I see you're still struggling with finding a replacement for me." He responded, while thinking that he had to teach Toshi how to control her powers better.

"Maybe we can pick up her scent here." He added.

It would've been no problem to pickup her scent by just taking a piece of her clothing with them. But every time she went on a mission she washed herself with a smell-free soap, and left no scent behind other than the standard smell of human.

"No. The smell of corpse is overwhelming all other scents here." Tenzo said.

"Dammit. You're right." Kakashi muttered and squadded on the branch while wrecking his brain for other ideas.

The sight of all those corpses gave him the creeps although he was used to it from all his years of participating in the war.

"Let's search for the scent of foreign cats again." The grey haired ninja said at last and turned away from the scenery.

Tenzo agreed and they went searching another hour before Kakashi found a few strands of long black fur that reeked of the scent of cat. He glanced at Tenzo, their gazes sharing a silent conversation.

He wasn't sure why he was so intent on finding her, but his stomach had been a tight knot ever since Tenzo had come to him. Normally he would spare her a few thoughts when he knew she was on missions, but he never had such a tight knot in his stomach before, except for that time when he found out she was breaking in to the hokage's archive.

They found only a few footprints along the floor of the forest, and judging by the size of the paws, this cat had been huge. The scent lead them back towards Konoha again and ended in a clearing across The Fire Maiden. Both men was fully aware of the life in the forest. Someone was searching for somebody and it could very possibly be Toshi.

"Did two ninjas, possibly wounded, come by here this night." Kakashi asked the innkeeper, a comely man with a thick mustache under his nose as they stood by the counter.

"Yeah, and they are guests. Whatever quarrels you have, take it outside." He responded brusquely, giving Kakashi a hard bold stare.

"We are friends. Which room are they staying in?" He asked.

The innkeeper gave the ninja a suspicious scowl "Room four."

"Thank you." Kakashi said and put two ryo on the table for the innkeepers troubles.

They walked upstairs and walked along a wooden hallway until they came to room four. Kakashi knocked lightly on the door:

"Toshi are you in there? It's Kakashi." He called and listened to someone scramble around.

He felt an odd tickling, and reminded himself that she had the ability to feel other peoples minds and was checking to see if it actually was him.

"Two seconds." He heard her voice, hoarse and dry. Some more scrambling followed before she opened the lock to the room.

Her green eyes looked almost pale, but not as pale as her skin. Her expression though was full of emotion.

"How did you find us?" She squeaked in relief.

He stepped forward and grabbed her by her arms to give her support.

"What happened?" He asked ignoring her question, startled to see her in such state.

He lead her inside and saw Kenshin laying on the bed, one eye open as he gave Kakashi a feverish smirk.

"We were poisoned and I lost a lot of blood." She said as he seated her on the bed.

He noticed the blood on her hands as she released her ribs. A rush of anger washed through him at the sght of her wounded side. Just the thought of anyone inflicting a wound on her made him want to kill that person.

"You're so silent." She looked at him worried, like he was mad at her.

He didn't realize he had just been staring at her while his thoughts went on a rampage. It wasn't like him to feel like that.

"Yes. I'm quite shocked to see you in such bad shape. It has been a long time I guess." He explained and looked at Shin.

"He saved me." The blond said when she saw him looking at the Root ninja.

So Shin's secret was finally out in the open. There had been so many times he had wanted to tell her that he was Root, but he wanted her to figure it out herself.

"Thank you Shin." He heard himself say, not quite knowing why he had the need to thank him.

Toshi bit her lip. Obviously, she knew that the copy ninja had known about Shin's secret. She lifted her hand weakly and spread her fingers.

"I'm missing the tip of my little finger now." She explained.

Another surge of anger rushed through Kakashi again. The tip of her finger?! He grabbed her wrist and examined the wrappings. Then he glanced at Shin.

"You cut the tip off?" He snapped at the black haired man, trying to restrain himself from drawing a Kunai to the Root's throat.

"She would've died from the poison." Shin answered weakly.

"It's true." Toshi said, seeming to have a fever.

Kakashi decided to put all apparent feelings aside and took in a deep breath to get a overview of the situation. Tenzo stood silently with his ANBU mask in place, waiting for any orders Kakashi might give. Though ANBU was the hokages ninjas, Kakashi still held a certain hold of some of the members who was close to him.

"Tenzo, take Shin to Konoha and get his wounds treated. I'll quickly rinse Toshi's wounds so she's ready for travel." He commanded.

Tenzo nodded, not in the least showing how uncomfortable he was with helping a Root member.

When they were gone, Kakashi wasted no time grabbing for surgical spirit in his pouch. Toshi laid back in the bed, knowing what was about to happen. Obviously there was a lot of questions he wanted to ask, but they were located too vulnerably at the moment to waist any time talking.

"I'm starting with your finger." He said and sat down beside her.

"I can't believe I'm missing the tip." She muttered while looking at the ceiling.

Kakashi couldn't believe it either, but what was done was done. There was no changing it now except making it better. The flesh around her little finger already smelled of sickness and when he opened the wrapping he could tell that some of the exposed flesh was festering. Toshi hissed when he exposed it to air.

"This pain. I've never tried anything like it. It's the sort of pain that can drive you mad." She breathed, not daring to look at his direction.

"I can only imagine." He responded. He had never had wounds this bad, but he had tried to have festering wounds. It could only be endured for so long.

The grey haired ninja operated quickly and forced Toshi to take his folded glove in her mouth.

"This is going to hurt." He took his hand behind her neck and looked her directly in the eyes.

"Try not to scream, okay?" Kakashi leaned his forehead against hers, when an expression full of fear crossed her features.

She nodded against his forehead and closed her eyes, breathing heavily against him. He pressed his forehead against hers for a moment longer, hating to be the one to inflict pain on her. A lump caught in his throat, and for a second he considered to let Konoha hospital be the bad guys. _Put your feelings aside_, he tried to convince himself. Leaning away he pulled the stopper of the bottle off with his teeth and held out her hand. He saw her clench her teeth and hesitated for a moment. Then she squeezed her eyes shut, before he poured the spirits on to the wound. Her whole body tensed up and she gritted her teeth hard down on the glove, leaning away, only a small growl escaping her lips. She punched the bed with her other hand and slammed her head back into the wall.

"It's over." He muttered. She let out a deep breath and panted hard, writhing in the sheets from the after effects. Deftly he wrapped up the finger in cotton and white wrappings once again before moving to the wound in her side.

The wrappings clung to her wound when he peeled them off, the flapping flesh around her wound starting to turn purple, sticking out from under her skin like the meat in a cracked sausage. He fought not to cringe at the sight, knowing that she was watching him.

"This is bad. I can't stitch it up like this." He moved his fingers unsure around the wound, an decided to do the same as he had done to the finger.

He sighed and clenched his fist, eyebrows finally cringing downwards.

"I'll have to rinse it." He said finally, his onyx eye flickering to hers.

Her mouth tightened. He could see she wanted to scream no, but knew she had no other choice. If she started begging him to let it be, he might've obliged.

"It'll be quick."

Toshi put the glove on her mouth again, closing her eyes as she started hyperventilating. _I'm sorry_, he thought to himself. At least no bone was exposed as in her finger, but it would still sting a lot. She arched her back when he poured the spirit into her wound, this time a faint growl escaping her throat. She writhed in the sheets before Kakashi started wrapping her up in new wrappings. He needed to get her out of there and disappear before anyone found them. There was no time for comfort although that was the only thing he was burning for to do.

"Come." He grabbed her black shirt and threw it at her as he went to the window to take a brief glance.

She was gritting her teeth when she sat up and put on the shirt, seeming to battle with her body. He noticed the explosion tags she had put up in the window and door, even on the ceiling. The thought of loosing her gave him another rush of fear and anger, and he suddenly realized how easily he could loose her because of her occupation. This lead to him being mad at himself for feeling so strongly about her. Missing her, afraid of loosing her, angry if anyone hurt her... All his friends was ninjas, all could die on duty. But loosing her shook him to his very core. And it was frightening and unfamiliar. He had made a promise though. A promise to not push her away anymore.

Toshi stood up now, having fastened her new ANBU katana to her back. He glared at her. When had she cornered him like that? When exactly had that happened? He let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding. No, he had cornered himself by allowing himself to open up to her and even be attracted to her at times. He would do anything for her, he realized, and he was prepared to slay anyone who got in their way.

"I'm ready." She said, still pale and feverish.

She tossed him his glove, bite marks still evident in the leather. A cold determined look lingered in her eyes as he slung her arm around his neck to support her. He pushed all feelings aside and found his battle-mode. The only objective was to get her to safety.

"Wait." Toshi put her hand on his chest and looked at the door when they where downstairs.

Kakashi had sensed it too. Everyone was hiding in their rooms. Something was up.

"We should go out the back." She added, weakly glancing around the common room.

He looked down at her, for some reason feeling impatient. If she was going to die of a simple wound he could never forgive himself. He would cleave through every enemy if that was what it took. He pulled up his head protecter and revealed his red eye. They were all outside, having surrounded them. There was no easy escape without being exposed.

"I can feel the sensory type. He knows we're here. I think he works for Orochimaru." She breathed.

He felt his blood grow cold. If there was a man the elite ninja truly feared it was Orochimaru. Kakashi let out a harsh breath. This was way more serious than he had expected. If Orochimaru was out there, they were both dead.

"Can you fight?" He asked her, meeting her eyes.

"Of course. But it'll be on the brink of consciousness." She responded.

Kakashi starred at her in all seriousness, savoring every detail about her.

"If Orochimaru appears, I beg you, leave without me or we are both doomed."

Her face was close to his, her eyes wide and liquid as his words sank in.

"I will never abandon a comrade!" She hissed through gritted teeth, scowling at him as if he had offended her. It was his own words she now used against him.

He sighed and took her by her other arm, both their bodies tense. He wanted to scold her, wanted to tell her to do as he said. But there was no point in arguing. She was too stubborn. He felt her take his hand unexpectedly and their fingers intertwined. She starred at him unwavering.

"I will fight with you, even if he shows up!" The blonde said, her eyes spitting fire at him.

Kakashi's heart was pounding, and he couldn't figure out if it was because of the anticipation of the battle or of their fingers intertwined. Her hand was warm and soft. It took him aback... They shared a moment of silence just looking at each other, reading each other's faces. He nodded at her and she nodded back.

Their hands parted and he created two clones, that fled out of each door. It was as if the door exhaled when it flew open and the morning light shone bright. Chattering men looked up and stopped talking as they saw the two ninjas in the doorway.

In a heartbeat battle broke loose. Kakakshi leapt around Toshi, in one swift movement pulling out her katana of its holster. Left and right he laid about, slicing off the first man's arm at the elbow, cleaving through the shoulder of the second. The third was about to burrow his kunai in Kakashi's shoulder, but the copy ninja grabbed the man by his wrist. He slammed the hilt of his katana into the fool's face, knocked him off his feet, and slew him when he tried to rise again. As he was struggling to free his katana from the dead man's rib cage, a foot jabbed him between the shoulder blades. It felt as though someone had slapped him in the back. He spun and slammed his katana down onto the man's head, feeling the impact in his arm as the steel went crunching through helm and hair and skull. Kakashi wrenched the steel free and sent the corpse staggering loose-limbed until it fell. He was getting excited about the battle. The sharp acrid tang of fear was so ripe he could taste it.

He threw the katana back to Toshi when she came leaping around him. His fingers moved quickly as he performed a few seals and activated his lightning blade. The sound of the electric chakra screamed and flickered, chirping like a hundred birds. He jumped up and used gravity as an extra force to spear a man through the shoulder, turning and slicing the next one's stomach open. The copy ninja spun around finding himself standing back to back with Toshi, suddenly swept in a current of wind.

"They're not that skilled." Kakashi breathed, watching out of the corner of his eyes how his lightning began to mix with Toshi's air current.

His eyes widened. How could he have forgotten that 'technique'? Toshi had, obviously, when she leapt away and the remaining lightning hanging in midair like a thin blue veil sputtered and crackled and disappeared. He thrust his hand into the knee of someone coming from his back. Quick as he was, his sharingan scanned the field of dead or limping men. A ninja was with an short katana loomed before Toshi, swinging his sword as he howled in wordless fury. She raised her arm protector and blocked his blow, then shoved in close to gut him with her katana and left him to drown in his own blood. One of them was running through the forest. An instinct urged him to follow, but when he registered Toshi's battered state, he faltered and and went to her instead.

"We need to get out of here. I can't afford to follow the sensory ninja, although he could provide good information. He knows that Konoha sent you now." He helped Toshi up by her arm when she was resting on one knee, panting hard with sweat trickling down her brow.

"Right." She breathed and allowed him to offer support.

He treated her as carefully as he could while still trying to keep a steady pace. She needed a hospital and she needed it now.

**.**

Kakashi had always hated hospitals. The smell, the colors and the noises; nothing suited him. Yet he was sitting in a chair beside Toshi's bed in the hospital, waiting for her to wake up. Anesthetics had only been used on her to clean the wounds and stitch them up, still he wanted to be there when she woke up. He hadn't notified anyone yet. Not Gai or her herb-store-family, not even the hokage yet, although he had a feeling the old man already knew.

He kept replaying the events over and over in his head. Seeing her writhe in pain, their fingers intertwining and all the emotional patterns erupting in him. The copy ninja brushed a hand over his face frustrated and afterwards patted his finger repeatedly against the armrest.

The thought of how he felt when he realized the connection to Orochimaru simply disturbed him a lot. He would've died for Toshi back then because the thought of outliving yet another close friend was unbearable. The thought of not walking around the streets wondering if he would bump into her or feel that magnetic attraction that was without comparison - was devastating.

The grey haired man jerked when the girl stirred. A sound escaped her mouth and her hands stirred upward. She was having a dream he realized. He leaned forward and watched her as she tossed her head to the side, whimpering something. Her legs jerked and she tossed her head again.

"Rin." She muttered.

Kakashi got up from his seat when he found out she was dreaming one of his memories.

"Toshi." He shook her gently but it didn't work.

"Toshi." This time he shook her harder.

He flinched away when she jerked upright with a loud gasp, pulling wires and monitors with her. She grabbed the wrist of her hand like it was its own living thing and looked at it wide eyed.

"My fingers." She breathed, moving her fingers to see if they were working.

"Your fingers are still there, except the tip of your pinky." He assured her.

It was then she seemed to realize that he was standing next her. She let out a deep sigh and looked up at him.

"You're still here." She breathed and took a hand to her face.

"Yeah I wanted to make sure you woke up properly. You were having a bad dream." He said.

She fell back in the bed and held up her hand to study her shortened finger.

"Yeah, I dreamt someone chopped off all my fingers." She said as a sad look passed her eyes.

It was a beginning of post-traumatic stress he thought but didn't say it out loud.

"You're safe here. No one's going to cut off you fingers. Besides it's only the tip." He said and sat down in the chair again.

The blond was quiet for a moment, still looking at her hand like it was something foreign. Then she looked at Kakashi thoughtfully.

"What?" He asked, returning the glance.

"You look tired. You should go to bed." She said.

He hadn't expected her to care about his needs at the moment, and blinked at what she said. He hadn't slept much, that was true.

"Yes, when I'm sure you're alright." He retaliated.

"I am already." She said, looking groggy and tired.

"I'm not that convinced." He responded.

She sighed and looked at the ceiling and rubbed her eyes.

"Thank you for helping me." She said "I could've made it without you though."

"I doubt that. You were battered and your Root boyfriend was only a burden to you." He said. It wasn't supposed to come out that harsh but it did.

She frowned at him "He's not my boyfriend! And yes I was battered, but I would've found a way."

Kakashi grew frustrated for some reason. She was being selfish and she had no idea how worried he had been. She had no idea how he had felt at the Fire Maiden. He clenched his fist. Of course she didn't know, he rarely showed her his actual emotions.

"That is why you can't slip up!" He said cooly "There are people who care about you know, people who will do anything to make sure you're okay."

She looked startled at his outburst. His eyes drifted to her new ANBU tattoo and then he grew more angry.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think about it that way." She muttered as if she was embarrassed.

The elite ninja pinched the bridge of his nose. He couldn't remember the last time someone had given him such emotional roller coaster rides. He met her green eyes and felt his anger lessen. How could he be mad at her? It was almost impossible. Now he just wanted to comfort her. She had just lost the tip of her finger and woken up.

"I'm sorry I didn't meant to snap at you. I guess I am tired." He responded. A headache was starting to form in his head.

Someone knocked at the door, relieving both of them the odd tension that lingered. Without a respond Shin opened the door and peeped inside a look of guilt plastered all over his face. Kakashi pitied him and disliked him and the same time. Toshi sat up immediately.

"Get out!" She said a threatening undercurrent hidden in her voice.

"I just wanted to talk with you and see if you were okay." Now he looked even guiltier. Kakashi remained completely passive.

"I'm okay now so you can leave!" She hissed at him, her eyes seeming to burning a hole in his skull.

"C-can we maybe talk in private?" His eyes flickered to Kakashi who just stared back.

"I told you to leave!" Toshi's voice was starting to grow higher.

"Please." Shin begged.

The Root couldn't be more submissive and pathetic Kakashi thought to himself and looked at Toshi. She sighed frustrated and rolled her eyes.

"Fine!" She answered.

Kakashi reluctantly took that as his cue and got up from the chair, on his way past Shin muttering a 'good luck', cause the guy needed it.

He leaned against the wall in the hallway, just in hearing distance. Shin would be eaten alive in there.

"It was for my own and your safety I kept my identity a secret." He heard the Root say in a muffled voice through the door.

"I don't care! You lied to me. Just stay out of my life from now on!" The blonde shouted at him.

"But Toshi I'll do anyth-"

"I don't care! What is you don't understand?! Just stay away from me!"

Kakashi could hear her light footsteps across the floor and grew tense. She was in his face now.

"If I ever see you again I'll send a tornado of wind such as the world has never seen, on every roof, on every field, until there nothing left of you or me. I'll send my cats, I'll send every sword of every town against you." She shouted at him.

Kakashi wanted to flinch away. He had never heard her so mad before and he wondered why the man wasn't dead yet. If he ever awakened her wrath like that, he had reason to be scared. He inclined his head towards the door when a silence followed.

"You hurt me Shin!" Her voice cracked "You really hurt me."

He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. Her tone was so full of pain it was like it cut deep into him, so deep he wanted to just leave and pretend he never heard the conversation. Most of all he just wanted to punch Shin the jaw.

"You have the mark on your tongue, don't you?" She scoffed, only a moment of weakness was all Shin could get out of her.

"You have the mark too." Shin retaliated offended.

"Mine does not restrict me!" The blond shouted, her temperament rising once again.

"So what?! It's what it stand for! Why do you have so much against Root anyway?!" Kakashi could hear the rising frustration in Shin's voice too.

"I don't know-"She answered wryly- "maybe the fact that everything your organization stands for is morally incorrect!"

"Look who's talking! Like you have any morals at all!" Shin responded aggressively.

Kakashi pinched the bridge of his nose. He hated ANBU Root discussions, and right now they were building a war zone inside that room.

"Of course I have morals, maybe not ethically correct morals, but I have them and they are surely a lot better than any Root member's!" She snapped.

"You don't know anything! How can you speak about ethics and morals, when you basically have none?! You're Toshi - the white lioness, incapable of love or anything other than killing."

That sentence made Kakashi's body stiffen. It wasn't fair to tell her that, not with all that she worked for. It was time to budge in.

"And you're Root, trained to have no emotions at all. You're a really good actor Shin, I must give you that." She huffed mockingly at him.

Kakashi stopped when he was about to take the doorknob, surprised that Shin's sentence didn't course her to go on a rampage. Rather she just threw it right back at his face. The copy ninja scratched his nose awkwardly when a nurse gave him and odd look.

_That_ was a surprise. He didn't have to be afraid that she would blow up by the smallest of things anymore. He moved back to the wall, feeling oddly amused. Not moments after Shin came rushing out the door, slamming it hard again. The grey haired man looked as the Root disappeared down the hallways, thinking to himself that the girl had seriously messed with the Root's brain. He was acting most un-Rootly.

He peeped inside the door, and saw the girl sitting on her bed towards the window.

"You knew he was Root, didn't you?" She muttered darkly.

The copy ninja immediately regretted that he didn't leave the building while he had the chance.

"Yup." He answered bluntly, trying to ease this conversation as much as he could.

She hunched over as if she was embarrassed and rubbed her face frustrated.

"How could I not see? All the signs where there." She responded after a moment.

"That's why they're so good at what they do." He mused and walked around the bed, daring to face her.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked, peeping up at him.

He found himself slightly startled at the hurt expression she was wearing and decided to sit down beside her.

"I wanted you to figure it out yourself. Even people you seem close to can be deceitful. You never experienced any real friends before in your life, so the lesson was entirely up to you."

She bowed over and hid her face in her hands with a deep sigh. He didn't like seeing her like that, but this was just another lesson in life.

"You really put him in his place though." He said jokingly and nudged her in the side.

Her green eyes peered up at him, a smile tugging in the corner of her lips.

"I did, right?" She responded proudly.

Kakashi's senses picked up on a nurse about to open the door, before he heard the actual clicking of the doorknob. Nurses had a distinct chakra anyone could recognize from afar.

"Visiting hours are over." A small plump nurse said politely.

"Okay, I'll see you around alright?" He muffled her long hair.

"Right." She smiled at him and started tugging up under the covers.

He left the hospital with a strange impression about what he witnessed. Shin had seriously misunderstood Toshi if he really thought she was incapable of love and only wanted to kill. The feline girl had developed a lot... A lot more than he had expected. She was becoming a fine young woman.

**.**

Kakashi had searched for Toshi for a while now. She wasn't at her home, and the people at her house didn't know where she was.

"She has been awfully quiet since her last mission." The lady of the house - Hana - had told him.

He took a hand to his chin and thought a bit while he trudged down the street. He had heard some disturbing news from Tenzo regarding their last mission and he wanted to know if she was alright. He lifted his headband and opened his sharingan, and all impressions and data came rushing into his mind. He quickly sorted out useless information and found a faint trail of her chakra signature and followed it until he caught her scent ever so faintly.

_There_, he thought and looked up at a still lush green tree near a busy street. He casually strode under it and looked up to see Toshi crouched on a branch, hidden from street view by the leafs.

"What're you doing Toshi?"

She jerked unaware of his presence and looked down, her eyes holding a stubborn sadness.

"Just watching people." She answered monotonously and looked back out her peephole.

Kakashi climbed the tree and squadded on the thick branch she was sitting on, peeping around her to see the view.

"Why're you watching people." He asked, trying to slowly approach her, knowing how skittish she could be concerning serious conversations.

"Because... You never know if your enemy is lurking around the corner." She pointed to the street "It could be that guy in the stall right there. It could be that woman over there."

Well, this was more disturbing than he had expected. Toshi was extremely paranoid. In this line of work you had to force yourself to relax where you could, and that meant in the city. He should've known that those ANBU missions would be messing too much with her head. He couldn't see her eyes, but she was completely still and motionless.

"You know that you're supposed to feel safe in Konoha, right? You aren't the only ninja here. There are people doing the job you're doing right now." He said and reached out to touch her shoulder.

She flinched and shifted away uncomfortably and to be honest it startled and hurt him at the same time. No answer came. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"What happened on your last mission Toshi?" He said, hoping she would spill the beans.

She glanced back at him in an insecure manner, her eyes devoid of any emotion, if not a little enmity..

"It doesn't matter." She answered and looked away as her eyebrows gave her away by creasing downwards. Underneath that pretty face of hers was someone complicated.

He was a little bit unsure about how to approach her, but remembered that physical contact always affected her much. It didn't take much to get her to open up, at least not from him.

"It's obvious you need to talk about it." He tried.

She just remained fixated on the street, ignoring him. It made him worried. He didn't like seeing her like that. It even surprised him how worried he actually was.

With a sigh he stood up and grabbed her hand. She tried to snatch it away, but he just kept a firm grip and urged her to stand up with him.

"What're you doing?" She snapped icily a defiant look crossing her eyes.

"Come and walk with me." He said and turned to the side to make ready for a jump.

"I don't want to." She said defiantly, although her eyes was starting to become unsure.

"You can go back here when we're done." He said, an tugged gently in her hand.

She just looked at him sullenly and shrugged. It was clear that something was nagging her.

**A day earlier.**

Tenzo found his old captain at the grave of his deceased friend Rin. His head was bend down. Hands were stuffed into his pockets of pants on long legs.

"Master Kakashi." He greeted and smiled.

"When are you going to stop calling me that?" Kakashi asked and turned around.

Tenzo smiled genuinely at his childhood friend. It was just a habit by now, to call him that, he told himself. Tenzo was wearing the standard ANBU uniform, his strong arms bared. He had short brown hair and dark almond shaped eyes. His forehead protector framed his cheeks and chin and he was wearing two belt pouches instead of one, standard of ANBU uniforms.

Ignoring Kakashi's question which was frequently asked, he went straight to the matter at hand.

"I thought you wanted to know about Shiori and her last mission." He said and put on his serious face.

"Shiori?" Kakashi asked looking perplexed.

"The blonde girl." Tenzo explained.

"Oh... Is that her codename." Kakashi pondered. "I'm starting to dread your visits Tenzo, it seems you only come when she's on trouble."

Tenzo stiffened a bit. He didn't want his friend to feel like that.

"Yeah. Well, I was on a mission with her two days ago and - to put it mildly - something rather disturbing happened in her. I didn't share anything with the hokage as she completed the mission. But well, I was thinking that she's still quite new to this and might need someone to deliberate with. I can't complain as she saved all assigned to the mission a big deal of trouble." Tenzo paused seeing his old captain's eyebrow starting crease.

"I know you've been watching over her, so I just wanted to tell you that she may be dealing with some things at the moment." Tenzo added.

Although he wanted to help the girl, it wasn't in his nature to talk privately to colleagues he had no bond to whatsoever.

"What happened? Did she change personality?" Kakashi asked, squinting his eyes thoughtfully.

"I'm not sure. I don't think so. She just seemed very angry." Tenzo answered and recalled a moment that was clear to him.

_He cleaved through amor and shirt and turned, performing seals. Square wood sprouted up from the ground and smashed another enemy. They were coming from all around him. He snapped his head around to get an overview of his comrades. A harsh wind blew across the battleground, taking a grip in his clothes. In the center where the fighting was baddest he saw Shiori striding forward, her eyes locked at someone across the field. Her strides were long and fast. He formed seals as he saw enemies coming at her from every side, but they were dead in seconds. At first he couldn't figure out what was going on. But everyone coming at her growled in pain like they were getting their very soul sucked out, their mouths too wide agape. Then they fell around her like flies, and she didn't as much as spare them a glance. He realized then that she was sucking the air out of her enemies, strangling them slowly to death by allowing them no air._

I'm on to you I'm on to you I'm to you on to you on to you_, Tenzo felt like his head was submerged in water and the only thing he could hear was those words as a faint whisper. He grabbed one of his comrades by the collar when he was about to give her back up._

_"Don't go near her." he shouted, not knowing if his comrade could hear anything._

_The man they had been set out to assassinate stood at the end of her line of sight, determined but scared out of his mind. He knew he was going to die by her hand._

Tenzo fought a chill at the memory. It was a disturbing ability she had. He knew she was a user of air, but in _that_ way... no wonder the hokage had agreed to her terms of being a substitute ANBU.

"Kakashi, she selectively sucked out all air of her enemies. I've been going on two or three missions with her, and actually enjoy her as a teammate. But I never knew she could go berserk like that." Tenzo said.

Kakashi's eyes flared for a moment in understanding.

"I spoke to her afterwards and she was fully aware of what she was doing, but didn't want to go into further details."

"Right. Thank you for informing me Tenzo. I'll speak with her."

**Toshi's POV.**

His hand was warm to hold as we walked down an empty path in a small park. I was hyperaware of the fact that we were doing this in public, even if it only was to keep me in place. At least this time he wasn't holding my wrist.

"So... Are you going to tell me what happened?" He asked.

Gulping, I looked down at our hands. He knew exactly how to make me weak. Tears pricked behind my eyelids, but I refused to let them through. I didn't know why I had such a bad feeling inside after this mission, I mean, what had happened was nothing compared to other things I'd done.

"I don't want to talk about it." I answered and looked down, not able to hide how sullen I felt.

"I'm probably the only person you can't surprise anymore." He answered and gave me a soft glance.

I kept my eyes stubbornly on the path in front of us, recalling what had gotten me so stirred up in the first place.

_I tossed and turned, swinging my body to get out of the robes. Two men laughed mockingly and one of them kicked me in the ribs. A silent groan escaped my mouth._

_"When will you get it? The more you use your chakra the more the robe will absorb."_

_One of them took a grip of my arms, bound behind my back, and pulled, forcing me to stand up. These were criminals, working yet for an unknown partner who was gathering information about Konoha. My position was unfortunate as I had messed up and was knocked in the head and passed out, by the man now hovering in front of me. It was such a mess up that the embarrassment was worse than my current treatment._

_"I wonder how we should get you to talk." He said and smirked. His nose was crooked like it had been broken too many times._

_My ANBU mask lay on the ground, the blank face of a red and white cat staring up at me. The man pulled out a kunai. I steadied my breath and remained calm, knowing that I was in for a round of torture, and wondered when my teammates was going to find me._

_He held the blade up to my neck and let it trail down to the thick grey strops of my ANBU flack jacket. He sawed both over and my jacket fell to the ground._

_"Look look. Not only pretty, she does have some pretty tits hidden under all that amor." both of them laughed loudly._

_Anger flared up in me and I squirmed to get out of the other mans grasp._

_"Oh did that offend you?" He said cheekily and let his eyes drop to my breasts again._

_The black top I wore underneath was tight and didn't leave much to the imagination. The man with the kunai reached out and squeezed on of my breasts, the look in his eyes turning hungry. It was so offending, so wrong, that Eien's chakra simply surged wildly through me, leaving unable to focus properly. Another hand took my other breast and squeezed._

_"Pretty good tits, maybe a bit too small for my liking. Look she's even turned on by it." He said and leered at the man behind me, he pulled me closer._

_My panting wasn't - obviously - not from being turned on, but from the surge of chakra running through me. I didn't even bother to fight it. These two were dead men._

_I dropped to the ground when the man behind me was struck down by shurikens. The one in front of me, the leader obviously, backed away and started calling for his men. After that the only thing I could think off was finding that son of a bitch and end his miserable life._

I clenched my teeth at the thought of those nasty fingers on my breasts! I felt dirty and violated, even though I know I shouldn't. A man squeezing one's breasts was nothing compared to a forceful kiss. The only difference was that I was helpless, not able to do anything about the groping. I fought hard to keep my expression neutral, but it was useless. Kakashi holding my hand went straight into my heart.

"The-they touched me!" I spat, hearing my own voice tremble.

"Wait what?" Kakashi stopped me and spun me gently to look at him.

It was so embarrassing I couldn't even look him in the eyes. A hard knob manifested itself in my stomach.

"Toshi?" He inclined his head to catch my eyes. I just turned my head more.

"I was captured and bound in chakra absorbing robes." I managed to say, trying to swallow the lump in my throat.

He was silent, his eyes burning a hole in me. I glanced up, all humor and nonchalance drained from his eyes. His expression send a chill through me and I blinked. It probably wasn't what he had expected.

"They touched my breasts... A lot." I managed to say, gulping again to hold back the hysteria and tears.

Kakashi looked like a wolf silently towering over me. The look he had reminded me of ANBU-Kakashi - as I like to call his cold expression. It surprised me to see him react that way.

"And they're dead now I suppose." He said dryly.

"Yeah, I killed them." I responded.

Kakashi just stared at me, and it made me that much more self-conscious. I released his hand and rubbed my shoulders like it was cold outside. Mostly I was just feeling sorry for myself. There was a deep burning in his eyes. A burning that would make me blush if I wasn't in such a bad mood. He reached out and took me wrist. I refused to remove my hands from arms and tensed up.

Instead he just pulled me close, and embraced me in a hug. At first I was startled, unable to think straight. It wasn't common to comfort each other because of a bad mission, and getting comfort from Kakashi Hatake was even less than common. I pulled myself against his chest, wrapping my arms around him. My fingers skimmed the muscles of his back. To think this was the same man who wanted nothing to do with me in the start. He touched the small of my back, pressed me closer and smoothed his other hand over my hair. I felt small again and squeezed my eyes shot. Heat swelled up in my eyes at the understanding he was giving me. When I blinked, a tear slipped out and I covered my mouth in his shirt to stifle a sob.

"I'm not really good at comforting people." Kakashi muttered in my ear after a moment "And I can't undo what has been done. Men will always underestimate you, and their pride will make them want to vanquish you quickly. I hope you know that far from all men a like that though." He said and squeezed me a bit.

A laugh bubbled in my stomach hysterically. It flopped in my mouth, strained and gurgling.

"I know that." I muffled into his shirt. "I don't even know why I'm reacting this way. I guess it was the thought of being raped."

"And here I thought your odd behavior had something to do with you going berserk." He said.

I shifted my head to put my chin on his chest and peeped up at him.

"Oh that..." I responded. I guess I did let my chakra go a little wild.

"Yes, I heard you used a new technique."

"Well, it wasn't anything I considered much. After becoming in such a good shape as I am now, it just kind of happened." I replied and shrugged in his arms.

"So it wasn't Eien's doing?" He asked. I felt how carefully he approached this subject.

"No. Lately, it's almost like she's gone, only her chakra remains. But I know she's there." I pondered, wondering how long it was appropriate to stand in this hug.

I could hear Kakashi's heartbeat, steady and slow. I felt his chest rise and fall and wanted to stay in this embrace forever. Then he pulled away, still holding my shoulders and looked down at me.

"I suppose that's good. That's quite a dangerous technique. A lot of your techniques could potentially harm you teammates, if you're not in control." He said.

"I know that. I only use those in open combat, although this time it was just an instinct. I'm not sure I can do it again."

I looked up and squirmed away. I felt like he was pitying me and it was only as much as my pride could stand. Kakashi didn't even have to say what he was thinking. I could see it in his eyes that he wanted me to train and perfect that side of myself, and he knew I knew.

Our conversation took us home to the herb-shop where we settled on the roof. It was nice to talk things out with somebody, I realized.

**Kakashi's POV.**

"Didn't you share any of this with Kenshin?" He asked her.

If there was a question on his mind, this one had been lingering the most. If they had been dating, she should've spoken at least to him about such things.

"Sometimes. But... He didn't help. I couldn't relax around him as much as I want to." She explained and put her chin in her hand, scouting the streets indifferently.

Kakashi's brow creased downwards as he wondered why exactly she had kept him around. The blond girl grasped the fabric of her shirt by her heart, suddenly looking tense.

"It's like I need someone to numb the pain." Her voice had a painful soft edge to it, like she was doing her best to hide it.

"What pain?" Kakashi asked, still not able to catch her eyes.

"The pain right here." Her hand tightened around the fabric, a painful look crossing her eyes.

The copy ninja felt a longing, a deep longing to help her and take the pain away. But he didn't know how to.

"You must know it as well. That kind of pain that makes you feel empty inside. It mostly comes after bad missions." She added.

Kakashi clutched the fabric by his heart like she was doing, and looked ahead. Yes, he knew that feeling all too well. The elite ninja scooted closer to the young girl. If he could just get over himself, he could comfort her. But something in him was still reluctant to let her _that_ close, no matter how good it felt. Even the hug he had given her before was way out of his comfort zone.

But he liked her... He liked her a lot. Maybe in love... It wasn't as though it was something he really dwelt on and considered much at all. In a way... It was something that his subconscious mind had always just accepted, even though he'd been oblivious to the fact.

"Trust me. Your friends can help you filling the empty space. You just have to let them in." He said, letting go of his shirt and clenched his fist instead, somehow mad at himself for not being quite able to take his own advice.

"That coming from you." She smirked and gave him a sideways glance.

He chuckled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck. She knew him too well. Her smile faltered immediately after and she looked back into the street.

"I never knew there was a place like the land of rain." Her green eyes grew distant like she was recalling a bad memory.

"It's like a post-war wasteland with ruins everywhere and orphan starved children with swollen bellies, hiding in the shadows." She muttered. "Occasionally I find corpses lying around, though the stink reveals their location long before. Swollen in death, with faces gnawed and rotten, they all look the same."

He fought a shiver, her description calling forth different memories. Kakashi's onyx eye studied her side-profile. He'd been there a lot of times and the land was less than hospitable. The land of rain had been a battlefield between the great countries for centuries. Amegakure, the village hidden in rain was a newer edition to the land, risen from the ashes of a broken country that had once been a battlefield.

"When the rich wage war it's the poor who dies." Kakashi responded.

She had figured that out, he could tell, and she was feeling bad about it. The blond girl was too curious for her own good. The world contained so many dirty secrets and she was becoming a part of those secrets and now had to deal with them.

"And here I sit in a prosperous strong village, complaining about my job, which I choose voluntary." She answered.

"Well, we're all masters of our own existence. You're free to fight for what you want." He said, hoping that he wasn't offering her too much freedom. The thought of her leaving the village sent a surge of strange emotions through him.

"I wonder who and what can change the world for the better. I don't feel like I have the power to do that." She answered.

They both watched as Naruto walked by in the street with a bag full of instant ramen. The blonde hyperactive boy was training hard for the chuunin exams and Kakashi was putting a lot of effort in the kids to prepare them all.

"I remember the first time slaying a man with my ANBU katana. He was an outlaw, quite handsome in fact, with a strong nose and deep-set eyes. My katana punched through cloth and mail and leather and more cloth, deep into bowels and out his back, rasping as it scraped along his spine. He never saw it coming. It was an odd feel, to kill someone like that."

Any normal man would've been down right mortified to hear her tell such things, but Kakashi had done worse. He couldn't remember his first time slaying someone with a katana, but he could surely remember the first time slaying someone with his lightning blade.

"Yeah. It doesn't feel good. But that is what we have to deal with in this line of work. That's why it's so important you learn to cope with it afterwards. It's not healthy to sit in a tree and spy on people." He responded.

Toshi shifted in her seat her eyes flickering at him.

"It helps to talk to you. Thanks." She admitted.

He blinked at her, that feeling of comforting her and liking her, rising in his stomach. Kenshin couldn't help her, but he could... Somehow he knew that when he had approached her, but hearing her say it out loud was a completely different thing. Kakashi was flattered. Maybe it had been a good idea to take her hand and give her that proximity. At least is wasn't as scary as he had thought it would be. It felt good, and perhaps he should seek it out some more. It couldn't hurt anyone, right?

**.**

Another month went by in the blink of an eye. Both Kakashi and Gai was busy preparing their students for the chuunin exams. In between missions I was helping out a lot in the shop or spend time training alone or with Gai when he had the time.

Suddenly it was my birthday. Hana was going out of her skin when she found out. I had never celebrated my birthday before so it wasn't a big deal to me, only to everybody else. As for my colleagues, after much persuasion I was convinced into meeting the other jounins in a bar, to celebrate my twentieth birthday.

When I arrived, nicely escorted by Gai, the bar was already buzzing with people. Above one of the booths a cheesy rainbow colored banner hang with the words 'happy birthday Toshi.' It hang slightly askew, but the gesture made me sentimental nonetheless.

"Happy birthday!" A cheer in unison sounded as Gai and I appeared amongst the crowd.

It wasn't a big gathering, but it was the usuals of Gai and Kakashi's circle of friends, who I had gotten to know better and better as time passed by. Even Kakashi was there, standing up with the others to congratulate me, a hand on his neck revealing how out of place it was for him to sound enthusiastic. Gai on the other hand had no inhibitions on that front. Anko squeezed me into a bone-crushing hug and almost lifted me off the ground although I was a tad taller than her.

"Come and sit!" She enthused and gestured to the spot beside Kakashi, who approximately had been the last one to arrive.

He looked perplexed for a moment, then moved out to offer me the inner seat, being the gentleman he _could_ be when he wanted to. Gai - tactful as always - saw that as his cue and took the offered seat muttering "such a considerate rival", before I had a fair chance of reacting. I brushed some of my hair behind my ear and smiled at Kakashi, a mutual understanding seeming to be shared between us.

"Thanks." I said, feeling slightly on edge at all the attention directed at me.

"No problem." He answered, giving me a genuine smile.

It was a simple gesture to be offered his seat, yet it still sent my heart racing, the way he was looking down at me. _Interesting being seated between Gai and Kakashi,_ I thought to myself to distract my thoughts. At least I had Gai who had an ability to steady my heart-rate just by being him. Whether that was a good or a bad thing, I wasn't quite sure.

Before I was offered sake, gifts were poured down on me. The jounins around me was taking a bit too much pleasure in watching me becoming flustered and embarrassed at receiving gifts, from people I didn't really hang out with. Even Kakashi sitting beside me showed amusement at my reaction. I couldn't help it though, it was my first time receiving presents and I had no idea how to thank people properly.

Anko gave me hand-wrappings to protect the knuckles when training, something one could always use an extra pair of. Gai gave me a green jump-suit insisting I should try it out immediately, who all the others luckily talked him out of. He also gave me a simple silver necklace with the head of lion. Genma gave me quality kunais. Asuma and Kurinai gave me a book about making scrolls. Most of the gifts were useful things and to be honest I was surprised to get one from Kakashi. Wrapped clumsily in newspaper with a massive amount of tape holding it together, I somehow managed to open it, feeling coiled as tight as a spring. The paper revealed a wooden carved lioness and I felt its smooth surface, turning it my hands. The lioness had a straight back an neck like she was either hunting or relaxed, her mouth slightly open to reveal the fangs. I marveled at it in silence, forgetting to thank Kakashi.

"It reminded me if you." Kakashi said softly.

He roused me out of my thoughts and I looked at him to see the hand on his neck again, like he had just confessed something humiliating.

"Thanks. It's really beautiful." I said.

That obviously made Kakashi uncomfortable, and I swore the I could see the edge of his only revealed cheek turn the slightest of pink.

"Beautiful as you." Gai poked me in the side with his elbow, leering at me.

"Stop it." I said embarrassed. At the moment I just wanted to bury myself into ground.

**Anko's POV.**

As the night progressed and sake was handed out in all directions the mood started to grow amongst the group. Toshi, who obviously didn't like the attention she was given, seemed to relax more and more in her seat beside the two tall shinobis. She tended to incline to Kakashi side, as Gai's extravagant enthusiastic movements left no room for his side-comrades. Anyways, that wasn't relevant to Anko's observation. What was relevant was when she watched Toshi and Kakashi together.

It was the first time ever, Anko noted, that she had seen Kakashi making an actual effort - even if he did it subconsciously - to seem genuinely intrigued with the conversation he was having with a girl. As she spoke, he was slouched slightly forward and turned in her direction, holding her eyes whenever he had the opportunity. Even the red haired girl, who had managed to take a but-cheek of space on Kakashi's other side - was completely ignored, even blocked out of the conversation. There wasn't much space in the booth, leaving both of them sitting closely together. Toshi had to incline her head towards his ear at times when the noise was too intense in the bar, and the proximity didn't seem to bother either one of them - on the contrary. _That_ was interesting. What on earth had the girl done to pull this side of Kakashi forth? Even Kakashi's closest friends didn't get that sort of treatment.

Toshi almost got Gai's butt in her face when the drunk man, moved out of the booth. This left them with more space, but neither Kakashi or Toshi seemed to pick up on that. Her interest peaked when Anko watched them a while longer, for some reason expecting them to subtly hold hands or do some other kind of physical contact, but it never happened. She grew frustrated at that, feeling that there was something between them, even though the girl was six years younger than her grey haired mentor.

"You seeing the same as me?" Gai scooped into the seat beside Anko, squinting his eyes secretively.

"Yeah. That girl has really made an impact on Kakashi." She answered and watched Toshi chuckle at something Kakashi said in her ear.

Gai agreed silently and crossed his arms the way he did when he was either satisfied or thinking about something.

"It's nice to see him act a bit humanly for once." The black haired man said.

"Agreed." Anko responded simply "I've seen him walk girls home a few times before, but he never looked at them like that."

"I wonder what they have been through to become that close. I mean Kakashi's really hard to get through to." Gai pondered.

"Yeah. That's a good question. I guess we'll never know, will we?" Anko answered and took a swig of sake.

Toshi got up and brushed off her shirt instinctively and stepped around Kakashi to go wherever she needed to go - probably the toilet. The elite ninja followed her with his eyes all the way, like he was deep in thought, or just checking out her behind. When she was out of sight, Kakashi caught Anko staring, and she smirked at him mischievously.

At first his eyebrows creased confused before he seemed to realize what Anko had picked up on. But as quickly as he had realized he looked relaxed and shrugged like it was no big deal. _That's the Kakashi we know_, she thought and winked at him.

**Toshi's POV**

Kakashi's voice was sweet in my ear when he spoke to me. All I wanted was to close my eyes and let him talk forever, but his sentences was usually short. Sometimes he got so close I could feel his hair against me cheek. He was warm to sit beside and when he leaned closer to hear better or to say anything it felt like he was cornering me with his presence. He leaned away when someone from the end of the table said something, gesturing for us all to move further. I scooted sideways, filling Gai's spot, allowing more girls to join the party. Genma was seated at the end across from Kakashi, happily inviting all girls who wanted to talk to the table.

Kakashi moved with me, until I couldn't move any further, apologizing to Asuma for pushing him. Kakashi kept pressing, and I sent him a strange look, but discovered that more girls was forcing him to move in further. As our shoulder's pressed together he lifted his arm up around me, and the space it left was immediately filled with Kakashi's side.

"Hey we can't move in any further." I tried to shout to the girls who was squashing us into the booth.

My thighs pressed together until one of them popped up, over Kakashi's thigh.

"Sorry Toshi." He said in my ear, sounding mildly frustrated.

I was sitting awkwardly, halfway up on Kakashi lap, with his arm around me. The proximity sent my heart racing, just as I thought I was starting to get it under control. I could even smell his scent, feel his breath coming down on me. And I was drunk and flustered and... I stood up when the girls kept pushing, not able to stand the tension that was building in me.

"Jeez, would you stop? There isn't any room!" I shouted to the one trying to squeeze in.

She just furrowed her eyebrows at me like she didn't hear. I pinched the bridge of my nose irritated and took in a deep breath. There was no room between Asuma and Kakashi now. I looked down at Kakashi, our legs intertwined. His thigh was between my legs... I stiffened at the surge of energy that went straight through my abdomen. That was a crazy feeling! I was trapped between Kakashi and the table and no one seemed to notice what was going on. Looking over my shoulder I saw Anko and Gai looking at me, the only ones paying any attention. I gave both of them a death glare at their smirks before I looked at Kakashi again.

The way he was looking at me, tipsy, his eyes resting at my thighs between his. Well, I couldn't describe it, but for a moment there was no question that there was some kind of attraction between us. Then the doubt came and I was sure it was just my mind that was making wishful thinking.

"Kakashi." I snapped my fingers in front of him and he looked up at me seeming to come back to reality.

I held out my arms in a what-am-supposed-do-manner, trying to stand up straight without the table digging too much into my thighs. I jerked when Kakashi leaned forward to grab his cup, making the table hop. Hands drawn up in girlish horror, the girls surrounding the end of the table laughed, not at me, but they just seemed to have fun in their own little world. A bottle of sake spilled and started dripping down my leg, and I tried to turn awkwardly around to save the mess.

"Dammit." I retorted, as Kakashi was half up from his seat to stop the dripping as it spilled over his legs too.

"Maybe you've had a little too much to drink." He muttered from behind me, placing a hand on my hip as he peeped around to tilt a cup back up.

"That isn't funny." I said.

One of Kakashi's fingers found a strip of bare skin just under the hem of my shirt and my breath caught on my throat. I tried with all my might to ignore it there.

"Toshi! Come and dance with me!" Gai who was suddenly standing up, leaned over the mass of girls and grabbed my arm.

He literally dragged me away from Kakashi and past the wall of girls who cried out offended as I stepped on a few feet.

"Gai I can't dance." I said, even if it was Gai, I was still embarrassed about dancing.

"Nonsense!" He said and dragged me to the dance floor in an iron grip.

Gai spun me around enthusiastically and moved his hips in such a cheesy manner that I couldn't help but smile, a laugh starting to bubble in my throat. There wasn't anything intimate about a dance with Gai, it was almost like the dance with the girl from Suna. _Almost_! The music wasn't anything as exotic as I had tried, but there was rhythms too and a cheesy lady singing about guys.

I caught the sight of Kakashi sitting the same place where I left him. One of the girls from before was already at him, having struck up a conversation. She was deliberately squeezing her breast together in front of him and leaning seductively towards him. It was disgusting and just plain _weird_. And _no_, I was not jealous. That would indicate that I somehow wanted his attention. Which I didn't, just for the record. I looked at the man in the green jumpsuit. Gai was making some kind of flexing muscles dance I wasn't quite familiar with.

"Why're you looking at Kakashi?" He shouted over the music and leered so badly at me that I just blushed right away.

"I'm not." I shouted back.

_Oh god oh god oh god, Gai saw me looking at Kakashi. Does he know I like him_? My heartbeat went sky high at the thought of having been figured out.

"I can see when youth is blossoming and it is all around you Toshi." Gai winked at me and smirked.

Blood was shooting through my ears and I forgot to dance, just staring at Gai, my mind going completely blank.

"It is not!" I shouted, staring at him wide eyed.

"It's alright Toshi. Kakashi is a handsome man with many good qualities, it's only natural you would fall for him." Gai started making the robot.

"I haven't fallen for him!" _Deny deny deny deny deny._

"Alright alright whatever you say." The man with the bowl haircut rolled his eyes and started doing salsa steps.

I had to calm myself down. It couldn't be true I was getting so worked up over Gai's assumptions. Though he was right of course. My reaction had totally given away the fact that I had fallen for the copy ninja. The rhythm of the music started slowing and a new song set the pace. Kakashi's scent drifted past me and a second after someone was tapping my shoulder. I turned to see Kakashi offering me his hand and smiling politely down at me.

"Can I have this dance?"

In reference to Gai and I's conversation, I was having the wildest rushes of emotion at the moment. Quite startled at the offer, I didn't notice I was holding my breath and tightening my lips.

"Sure." I answered curtly, seeing Gai smile victoriously out of the corner of my eyes.

"That's my rival for you!" Gai slapped Kakashi's back enthusiastically.

"Only because it's your birthday." The copy ninja answered without removing his eyes from mine.

The musics slow pace and the deep female voice rang in my ears as Kakashi took my hand and pulled me closer. The song had a sad note to it. He grabbed my other hand and moved it to his shoulder, while his other hand reached around my back. He started rocking from side to side, moving me with him, his eyes seeming to bore into mine. I looked away at the other couples dancing around us and spotted Asuma and Kurinai dancing in a corner.

"Is this your first birthday celebration?" Kakashi asked, glancing down at me.

Daring to look at him again, I fought the bubble of butterflies in my stomach feeling they could burst out of my mouth at any moment.

"Yeah. It feels kind of weird to get so much attention." I answered.

Why was a being such a wuss shy girl?! It was simply pathetic. Kakashi chuckled.

"I figured as much." He answered and pulled me even closer. Our cheeks met and he tilted his head down. "It's your twentieth birthday. Just enjoy it." He whispered in my ear.

_Just enjoy it._.. The words echoed in my head. His voice was deep and husky from alcohol, and it was the sexiest thing I had ever heard in my life. My knees felt weak and my head felt light. I didn't answer, but let myself sigh subtly. I leaned my face away and put my head on his shoulder, allowing myself, for once, to enjoy our proximity without all the thoughts swirling around. It was as if our hearts was beating to the same rhythm, a deep bass vibrating through me. Kakashi was enjoying being so close to me. The feel made me light-headed. After a moment it simply made the tension grow. It wasn't enough.

I had to stop this. His scent, the darkness of the room, his hand on my back, the mood of people around us became more and more apparent. I pulled slightly away and met his onyx eye. Was there something between us? I couldn't figure it out. Sometimes I was sure there was chemistry between us and sometimes I was sure he only saw me as a friend.

Then the rhythm of the music picked up and a new song played. He seemed to smile behind the mask and pulled away.

"Thank you for the dance."

I remembered him telling me that he was more of a slow dancer kind of guy, back in Suna. I smiled, feeling some of the tension lift, but still felt a longing to dance like that again. He simply took my breath away, over and over again. It made me wonder what he was thinking. Even the possibility that Kakashi Hatake could desire me made my insides go rigid.

My head felt woozy when I followed him through the crowd and I couldn't figure out if it was sake or just me being love-struck. He steered me along, calm as anything and I had to marvel at his composure. He swept past the crowd with consummate ease. It was one of those moments where I felt we shared something no one else did.

Our booth was packed with unknown people and I almost slammed into Kakashi's back when he stopped.

"Maybe the universe is telling us to go home now." I joked.

His body tensed for the briefest of moments. "Yeah. It _is_ late."

I cocked an eyebrow. I wasn't trying to incline that we should go home together. My cheeks warmed up again when I realized it might have sounded like that. To his defense - if he took it that way - his reaction was very... Indifferent. I sighed and walked around him to gather my gifts and my shirt. Everyone was busy in their own little worlds.

I smiled at Kakashi mentioning for him to lead the way. He looked down at me with a mortifying indifference, like his facade was exaggerated because of the alcohol. His eye was the only thing giving away the warmth that he felt when he looked at me. The copy ninja grabbed my hand and lead me through the crowd. Was this the next step in our friendship? Holding hands? It happened more and more frequently. It had all started with me crying in front of him. I blinked and looked at the back of his head. Kakashi was much more sensitive and full of feelings than anyone thought.

Outside the silence of a night in Konoha overwhelmed the both of us. The sky was starlit and the moon was full.

"Thank you for celebrating my birthday." I said and let go of his hand to put on my shirt. It was cold outside and the light wind was freezing.

"You deserve it." He reached out and stopped me from pulling my shirt fully on.

A finger skimmed up my arm, and his eyes were locked on my arm. It felt as though there was a charge of electricity between his finger and my skin. Goosebumps erupted in a line up my arm until his finger stopped at my shoulder. He was looking at my ANBU tattoo, I realized. He brushed his thumb over the twirl of black ink, a frown showing.

"I hope you made the right choice." He said, his eyes flickering up to mine.

I shrugged his finger away and pulled the shirt on. I sure hoped I had made the right choice too, but there was no telling what the future would bring.

"I did." I insured him and we started towards my apartment.

I couldn't count how many times I'd been marveling at his own tattoo. Well, either it was the tattoo or just his perfectly proportioned shoulder-muscle.

Kakashi followed me all the way to my apartment, I hadn't asked him to, and I wasn't quite sure if he was expecting anything of me. He was a bit drunk, and I had heard the rumors of his late night conquests. No, we were too close for him to simply see me as a fuck, even he should know that.

Maybe he was just being polite or maybe he wanted to sleep with me again. At least I knew he was enjoying _that_ a lot. It gave us both a sense of comfort.

"Do you want to sleep over?" I asked when we stood in front of the shop. The alcohol seemed to make me braver than usually.

He seemed startled at the question as if he hadn't expected that to come from me.

"Uhm." He said perplexed, his indifference seeming to fade back a bit.

"We've done it before and I enjoy it and I know for a fact that you do too." I said. Wow where did this boldness come from?

The grey haired ninja blinked at me like he had been busted. He was growing uncomfortable at how well I read him.

"You don't know that." He said and scratched his neck.

"Yes I do. Don't deny it." I answered.

He groaned conflicted "Dammit Toshi, you know me frighteningly well. Why do I sometimes forget that?" He scoffed.

"I don't know. Are you coming or not?" I asked, growing tired of waiting for an answer, when I was starting get nervous at his reluctance.

"I'm coming, it's a long way home in this condition anyway." He just had to make it sound like he had no other choice.

I rolled my eyes subtly at him. My confidence and independence was making him uncomfortable sometimes. It was no wonder though, the kind of confidence I had now wasn't the same as when we met.

"I'm not sure if I have a t-shirt that fits you." I said when we stood in my apartment.

"It's alright." He assured when I searched my wardrobe through.

Kakashi was looking around my apartment. A lot of knew things stood around or hung on the walls. Different herbs or books or odd things found in the marketplace - he studied them all with no exception. I held up a t-shirt obviously too short for him and saw him brush the fur cloak from the land of ice like he was recalling a memory. The moon was shining against the side of his face, creating a shadow in the faint hollow beneath his cheekbone. It gave him an eerie look, shading his eye sockets.

Averting my eyes I searched some more but found no t-shirt that wouldn't make him look like a child in a overgrown body. Also I was really starting to feel tired upon the party, and could really feel the wobbliness.

"Sorry you'll have to sleep in your own clothes." I said and yawned.

"I'll just sleep shirtless." He answered.

To guys it was the most natural thing in the world, but it still put me on edge to see and be close to a gorgeous upper body... Especially Kakashi's.

I went to the bathroom and changed into something decent to sleep in and brushed my teeth. The elite ninja had already taken my cover and pillow and was half asleep when I walked out. He stirred and rolled around on his back, obviously blown out by the alcohol. I tried not to ogle at him, every muscle as etched as if it has been chiseled out of stone. _By Kami, why am I always such a loser when I see his body?!_ I gulped the butterflies down; there was something nice about having him sleep in my apartment though. While I prepared a spare cover and pillow I basked in the feeling of being safe in my own apartment with my own stuff, bought with my own money and with a man I admired and desired beyond comparison. I was glad to be here, glad to be alive.

**.**

_The night was dark. It was hard to see. I sprinted through the forest, chasing someone while running away at the same time. The forest was endless and the tops looked like roofs of Konoha. In the distance the hokage mountain was staring at me, watching me with red eyes. Danzo's face was there too._

_Out of the darkness black hands grabbed me, pulling me towards an underground Konoha. I fought and lashed at them. They wanted me to kneel, to obey. A feel of dread and despair filled me. I activated my chidori and plunged my hand through one of the black shadows. Then I looked at Rin, her eyes were wide in shock._

_"Rin" I breathed. Sorrow and fear flooded me before she grabbed my arm, her face contorting in anger._

_She turned her head around, the skin in her neck twisting unnaturally. She grabbed my arm on the other side of her. Suddenly she was Shin._

_"I'll punish you for denying me." He said, his voice raspy and loud in my ears._

_"No!" I screamed and tried to pull my hand out of the hole in his body._

_"This is what you deserve." He lifted a katana up and held my fingers out._

_"I'll have all your fingers." The figure swung his sword down._

"No-o!" I screamed and pulled my hand away.

A streak of lightning illuminated the room for a second. I was in my apartment.

"What is it Toshi?" Kakashi's voice was right next to me.

I panted hard and held my hand, feeling the burn of where my finger was supposed to be.

"He cut off all my fingers." I said, staring at my hand. Apparently I was sitting upright, and Kakashi was too.

"You had a nightmare." He took my hand gently "Look, all your fingers are still there, except the tip of your pinky."

At the warmth of his hand spreading my fingers, I realized it had just been another nightmare. They were happening frequently and scared me the same every time.

"Toshi." Kakashi said when I didn't answer. I looked at him for the first time and relaxed immediately.

"It was a nightmare." I repeated stupidly.

The grey haired - shirtless - man looked tired and groggy at the sudden waking. He exuded warmth and comfort.

"Come lie down." He tugged me down gently and persistently forced me around and under his own cover.

"No ones going to cut your fingers off." He muttered understandingly and tugged his arm under me and the other one around my stomach and pulled me close to his warm body.

I froze at his action, completely forgetting the feel of the nightmare. He nuzzled into my neck and let out a deep warm sigh, squeezing me one last time before giving into his sleep. His breath smelled of sake, but I didn't mind. I was glad he slept so heavily with me, or he could've felt my heart racing. I squirmed a bit to get used to the feeling of being held so close up against his shirtless body. Only the thin fabric of my t-shirt held the electricity of our skin apart. His cover seemed a lot warmer than mine and his scent was all around me. He moved his nose against my neck again, tangled up in hair. It made me want to sigh deeply. My whole body was on fire. My eyes fluttered close at his breath in my neck. I put my hand on his arm and over his large hand. He moved it instinctively over mine and then our fingers intertwined. He had long fingers. Nice, dexterous hands, capable of ripping my throat out or caressing me. My heart was going out my chest. This was so surreal I could barely comprehend it. The fact that I was holding hands with Kakashi while spooning just put an entirely new level to our relationship. Friends didn't do this, I was sure. Kakashi didn't do this with anyone, I could not imagine.

Maybe he was listening more than I knew. I recalled a conversation on the rooftops where I told him it had been nice to have Kenshin around to numb the pain that came after bad missions. Did this mean that the attraction I thought was mutual wasn't just my mind playing tricks on me? I didn't know anything about love or feelings, so naturally I didn't know what this meant either. I just knew that our bond had grown different.

If this was something we were going to do every time we slept together, I wasn't sure if I could restrain myself from, simply turning around and put my arm around his neck and pull him into a warm tired kiss. His lips would be soft against mine, his tongue sweet. Then he would pull me closer, moving a finger to my jaw, drawing a line up to my ear...

_Stop stop stop_, I was getting myself worked up now. I'd had two proper kisses in my life, and I was already doing more in my fantasies than in real life. I'd always kept fantasies at bay, but at the moment, my mind was betraying me thoroughly. _Sleep_, I told myself. Kakashi nuzzled lightly in his sleep again and forced his knee in between my legs, to intertwine our legs. My back stiffened like a ruler as the skin of his muscled thigh went all the way up between my legs. I panicked at the sudden throbbing that erupted in my abdomen, but didn't dare to twitch in case he would wake up and feel the pulse, down there where - apparently - a pulse existed.

_Just relax and be in the feeling. You can overcome this Toshi, you can do it_. Slowly and gradually I worked my feelings into calmness. _This isn't such a big deal,_ I told myself, maybe not entirely convinced. I'd just been turned on for real, for the first time in my life. Sleepiness was starting to take over after that rush of emotions. Rain pricked against my window, cold and chilling. But I was inside safe and sound with one of Konoha's elite ninjas. This was safety.

* * *

**This one was mean to leave like this, but this chapter mainly focused on Kakashi's development regarding his feelings towards Toshi. It was necessary!**

**Anyway, couldn't help but throwing Kisame into this story. I'm a big fan, and he's going to play a part later in the story. I saw some of you are fans of Kisame too, and I was so happy to see that (Because he's so awesome and hot, not as much as Kaksahi though)**

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Naturally I'll be working on the next as soon as I can! **


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